The BLTS Archive- Full Circle
Third in the Wraiths Trilogy
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)

---

This is the third and final part of the "Wraiths Trilogy",
which began with "Eidolon" and "Survival Instinct". 
Briefly, in part one, Chakotay was possessed by an alien
and kidnapped the Captain.  In part two, Janeway and
Chakotay were caught in a holodeck malfunction, even as
their relationship began to heat up.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:  Linda Campbell -- perfect proofreader
and editor extraordinaire -- this time for multiple lengthy
long-distance plotting sessions, for bashing me over the
head with a thesaurus when I kept procrastinating, and for
creating a website for my fanfic.  Thanks Linda!.  And to
Robert Beltran and Kate Mulgrew for giving us *so* much
scope for the imagination. 

DISCLAIMER:  Not mine.  Don't own 'em.  Never did.  'Nuff
said.

---


*It's not what you think*.  Kathryn slowly turned to the
man who had spoken, red sand crunching beneath her feet. 
He stared pensively back at her, his dark eyes hooded
beneath the sweep of the tattoo over his eye.  She
swallowed, feeling reality caving in around her.  

*What do you mean?*  It was her voice, but she couldn't
remember speaking.  He shook his head silently and turned
to leave.  Kathryn took a step forward but in the space of
a heartbeat he had vanished into the night.  Cold fog
swirled around her.

*It's not what you think...*

---

With a cry, Kathryn Janeway bolted upright in her bed.
"Computer... lights."  Instantly, a warm, familiar glow
filled the cabin and she lay back, trying to slow her
racing heart, staring blankly up at the ceiling.  A glance
at the chronometer told her it was still the middle of the
night.  She reached an unsteady hand up to her forehead and
wiped away the cold sweat on her brow.  

The dream was fading already.  This was the second night
in a row she had awakened, her heart racing in terror
and an ominous sense of foreboding filling her.  The second
night since...

*It's not what you think...*

With a startled gasp she sat up again and flung herself
from the bed, dragging the covers with her.  That hadn't
been a nightmare or a memory of fear...she had *heard*
that...

"Computer -- scan for intruders!"

"There are no intruders present."  The cool, emotionless
tones of the computer did nothing to allay the Captain's
tension.  "Scan the ship for anomalous readings."

"There are no anomalies present."

She was already moving to the communicator pin on the
stand by the bed.  She hit it harder than she intended.
"Janeway to the Bridge."

"Yes, Captain?"  There was a note of surprise in the
woman's voice.  It belonged to -- she had to think for a
moment --
Ensign...Rawlins.  

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, Captain."  There was a pause.  "Is there a
problem?"

Janeway opened her mouth to respond, then hesitated.  Now
that her heart rate had settled a little, reason was slowly
returning.  Alarming her bridge crew in the middle of the
night, especially if she *were* only hearing things...well,
that was something she'd rather not do, if only to spare
herself the embarrassment.  She had had enough of that to
last a lifetime as it was...  She forced her voice to
emulate its normal calm.  "No.  Everything's fine.  Janeway
out."

She could just imagine the talk in the mess hall tomorrow
-- calling the bridge crew in the dead of night for no
apparent reason was unprecedented enough to warrant a spate
of gossip.  As if she hadn't given them enough to gossip
about already...  She sighed, the dark sense of dread
within her fading rapidly, along with the memory of the
dream.  She must have imagined it...

She was bending to pick up the bedcover when a faint
ripple of foreboding caressed her back.  She straightened
quickly and glanced over her shoulder...and a blinding
flash of light washed over her. 

Janeway gasped.  The world had changed.  Instead of the
warm familiarity of her cabin she could see a distant city,
glimmering in the sunlight.  Strange birds wheeled in the
electric blue sky while, underfoot, alien plants whispered
in the breeze.  She could feel the warm air, could smell
the tiny flowers dusting the field she found herself in.
She closed her eyes tightly, trying to will away the
vision, then reopened them...to find herself alone in her
cabin.

She stood frozen in place for a moment, one hand still
holding the blanket.  And then she heard it again: 

*It's not what you think*

With a sharply inhaled breath, the Captain dropped the
blanket, hastily seized her robe from the back of her
chair, and bolted from the room. 

---

Janeway met no one between her cabin and sickbay.  At
this hour the corridors of Voyager were mostly deserted.
Which was just as well, she thought to herself -- the sight
of the Captain dashing through the ship in nothing but a
pale peach nightgown and matching robe would have wreaked
further havoc on her already damaged dignity.  But by this
point, Janeway didn't care.  These dreams were becoming...
something more than dreams.

Without pause she hurtled into the darkened sickbay.  The
lights obligingly brightened as she entered.  "Activate
emergency medical hologram."  She was slightly out of
breath.

The Doctor materialized instantly.  "Please state the
nature..."  He stopped himself with an effort.  "Captain?"
There was a note of surprise in his voice.  "Are you all
right?"

"Yes.  No.  I'm not sure."  He frowned, and she made an
effort to martial her thoughts.  As succinctly as possible
she told him what had happened.  His frown deepened and he
picked up a medical tricorder.  Janeway held still as he
scanned her, gnawing on her lower lip.

"Well?"  She said at last.

He closed the tricorder with a snap.  "You're perfectly
healthy.  You were probably just dreaming."

She shot him a look.  "It was more than a dream, Doctor.
I definitely heard...and saw...something.  In my cabin."

The hologram glanced down at the tricorder.  "Well, the
level of isotronic neutrinos in your brain are slightly
elevated.  But that could be from any manner of causes.
And that shouldn't account for you hearing things..."

Her irritation was growing.  "I am not *hearing* things.
Well...I am...but they're real.  I definitely heard a
voice."

"And what did this voice say?"

She swallowed her ire.  He was humouring her.  She hated
being humoured by holograms...or by anyone for that matter.
"'It's not what you think'". 

"What isn't?"

"No.  That's what the voice said."

"Oh.  Is that all?"

Janeway nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

The Doctor pursed his lips.  "Well, aside from the slight
change in your neutrino levels, there's nothing wrong with
you.  I suggest you relax and try to get some sleep.  Count
chickens."

She sighed.  "Sheep."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You count sheep to fall asleep.  Chickens are what you
don't count before they hatch."

He looked baffled.  Suddenly Janeway felt the urge to
laugh.  This was becoming too ridiculous.  She was standing
in sickbay in the middle of the night discussing
colloquialisms with a hologram.  Life couldn't get much
more bizarre...  "All right, Doctor.  Maybe you're right."
She turned to go.

"Captain."

She paused.  "Yes?" 

"If it happens again, come back and I'll run further
tests."

She hesitated then nodded briefly and left the room.

---

Janeway stifled a yawn as she entered the bridge.  Like
the previous night, she hadn't been able to sleep after the
dream had awakened her.  She had tried everything...even
counting chickens...but nothing had worked.  She had lain
tensely awake for hours, waiting for the voice to return.
The silence had continued unabated but hadn't dispelled the
apprehension she felt.  She took a quick, furtive glance
around the bridge as she entered.  It didn't help that most
of the crew obviously thought her weariness during the past
few days was caused by...reasons other than insomnia.

She tensed subconsciously as she crossed to her chair and
sat down beside her First Officer, who was engrossed in a
report that didn't look all that interesting from where she
sat.  He didn't meet her eyes.  Which was fine with her.
In the last 48 hours, she had turned avoidance into a fine
art.

Ever since the incident on the holodeck two days
ago...all right, *incident* was an understatement -- ever
since Paris, Kim, and Torres had entered to find their
Captain and First Officer locked in a torrid embrace on the
floor -- she had been avoiding Chakotay...and most of the
crew...and her own feelings...  She swallowed.  This
couldn't go on.  The trouble was, she didn't have the
faintest idea what to do about it.  Unbidden, her mind
wandered back.

It had seemed like such a good idea.  When Chakotay had
invited her to join him in a refresher course on survival
tactics, she had agreed readily.  Given the frequency in
which she had lately found herself in life-threatening
situations, it had made sense.  Of course, she had had no
idea that the holodeck was going to malfunction ("I am
never setting foot in one of those again", she told herself
firmly) or that the simple survival course would be
transformed into a genuine test of their abilities,
complete with dangerous wildlife, tropical rainstorms,
booby traps, and dancing Klingons.  Well, the last hadn't
been dangerous, merely...surreal.  The rest though had been
real enough and could have killed them both several times
over. 

That wasn't the worst part, though.  If it had been,
Janeway wouldn't have spent the last two days avoiding her
First Officer like the Denebian Plague.  No, the worst of
it was that she had found out just how far her First
Officer could be pushed.  She had finally seen Chakotay
lose his self-control and the results had been...explosive.

He had accused her of taking unnecessary risks and
throwing herself in the path of danger...and then he had
kissed her.  Thoroughly.  And she had kissed him back.
Even more thoroughly.  And that was when her three officers
had walked in on them.  Even now, a blush rose on her
cheeks at the thought and she resisted the urge to shrink
lower in her chair. 

Janeway felt eyes on her and glanced up...and swallowed.
Every person on the bridge with the single exception of
Tuvok and her First Officer was watching her out of the
corner of his or her eyes.  Chakotay's gaze remained firmly
glued to the report, yet she was certain he too was aware
of her every move.  She swallowed then straightened her
shoulders with determination and allowed her gaze to wander
over the bridge.  Suddenly everyone was completely immersed
in various tasks, working furiously at...nothing.

Coming to a decision, Janeway stood abruptly...and the
bridge stilled, frozen in place.  Eight pairs of eyes
fastened on her.  Janeway opened her mouth to speak,
thought better of it, and said instead:  "I'll be in my
ready room.  Commander, you have the Bridge."  Without
waiting for a reply she turned and fled. 

---

Once out of sight, Janeway sagged into a chair, leaning
head on hands and closing her eyes.  It didn't help.  If
anything, the memory of what had happened became even more
vivid.  The image of Chakotay, dripping wet, water
cascading across his bare chest, pulling her to him, was
burned into her mind.  She gave herself an inward shake,
trying to banish the memory.  It didn't work.

It would have helped if they could have talked about it,
she thought as she leaned back in her chair, tiredly
massaging her neck with one hand.  But she had spent the
following hours in sickbay while the Doctor had mended her
various cuts and bruises while Chakotay had returned to the
Bridge.  And then there had been the problem in
Engineering...and the moment to talk, if ever there had
been one, had passed.  When next she saw him she had
carefully steered the conversation toward *safe* topics,
and he had taken his cue from her, as always.  So now the
subject hung over them, worse than any sword of Damocles.
And there was still the crew's reactions to contend with...

The doorchime interrupted her musings and she jumped in
the chair, nearly going over backwards.  She straightened
it carefully -- falling out of her own chair would be the
final straw -- and responded:

"Come in."

The door slid open...and her heart kicked into warp
drive.  Chakotay.  He hesitated at the threshold, with the
air of one who wished himself far away, then reluctantly
entered.  The door closed behind him.  The sound had an air
of finality to it.  Janeway said nothing as he crossed the
short space to her desk and stopped before her, standing
almost at attention.  The silence stretched between them.

Janeway swallowed.  "Say something," she told herself
rather desperately.  "Anything." 

She was saved from the effort when he spoke first.  "We
have to talk...Kathryn."

She found herself nodding, still unable to put two words
together.  Starfleet training just didn't cover situations
like this.  What does a Captain say to her First Officer,
after they have come perilously close to ravishing each
other on the floor of the holodeck?  It certainly added a
different meaning to "chain of command"... That thought set
her mind off in an whole new direction...

With an effort she pulled herself together and managed to
say civilly enough:  "Sit down...please."

He did, folding himself into the chair, an uncomfortable
expression on his face.  "That makes two of us," Janeway
thought.  For an eternal moment they remained silent, each
obviously waiting for the other to start.  When they did,
both spoke at once. 

"About the..."

"Kathryn, I..."

As one, they stopped.  Another awkward silence fell.
Finally Janeway gave herself another inward shake.  "You're
the Captain," she thought decisively.  "Act like one."

"Commander..."  Might as well start this on a more formal
footing, if there was such a thing.  "You're right.  We do
need to talk...about what happened on the holodeck."

As if that had opened his conversational floodgates,
Chakotay leaned forward and spoke quickly, not waiting for
her to finish.  "Captain." She noted his use of her title,
"I owe you an apology.  I had no right..."

"Chakotay..."

He ignored her interruption, continuing determinedly.  "I
should not have lost my temper.  I apologize for the things
I said."

Suddenly finding the room incredibly claustrophobic, she
rose to pace along one wall, avoiding his eyes.  More
forcefully, she said:

"Chakotay..."

Again he ignored her.  "But...I don't apologize for the
kiss."

That stopped her in mid-stride, so much so that she
nearly tripped over empty air.  She came to a halt, wavered
slightly, then turned to face him, astonishment written on
her face.  She blinked.  "You...don't?"  It came out as a
question and she cursed herself.  She was not handling this
well.  Not well at all.  But she couldn't ignore the little
flicker of joy that sprang up inside her at his words.
"Damn it, Kathryn," she told herself, "say something
intelligent."

He was obviously waiting for her response, his face
unreadable.  She licked her lips slightly and took a deep
breath  "Chakotay...I..." she started to say...  And then
it happened again.  There was a blinding flash of light and
suddenly she was...elsewhere. 

---

She was in the city this time, the same city she had seen
from the hillside.  Within its confines she could see why
it had shimmered -- almost all of the walls were made of
some reflective stone that caught the sunlight, throwing
glittering reflections back.  The city itself seemed to
pulse, not just with light, but with life.  People hastened
by the frozen Janeway, who stood unmoving in the middle of
a narrow road.  They parted like a stream around her,
jostling her only slightly.  There were no sounds.  No
voices broke the eerie silence, although she could detect
mouths moving and see conversations taking place.  No
footsteps could be heard.  Overhead, grey birds wheeled
silently in the cloudless sky.

Janeway braced herself as a large man carrying two
baskets of...something...shuffled by her.  His eyes swept
over and through her, glancing at her idly, as if she were
of no more significance than a large stone or other
immovable object...here, and yet not here.  It was an eerie
feeling, like looking in the mirror and seeing no one
there.  Or worse, seeing someone else looking back...

"Hello?"  Janeway spoke tentatively.  Her voice sounded
strange to her ears.  Flat, as if there were no air
currents to carry it.  She tried again, louder.  "Can
anyone hear me?"  They obviously couldn't.  The throng
hurried by, their pace unabated.  For a moment she was
tempted to thrust out her foot and trip one, but hastily
throttled the impulse.  Instead, she turned in a full
circle, examining the surroundings intently.

Closer examination revealed that the reflective stone was
not a naturally occurring substance, but a man-made (alien-
made?) one.  There were faint marks along the base and
edges of the walls, indicating high intensity heat or
light, like a laser or other tool, and there were other
signs that a high level of technology had gone into their
making.  Strands of pulsing, beaded lights ran through and
under the pavement at her feet, glowing faintly like
distant stars.  "I've seen those somewhere before," she
thought, trying to place the memory.  It skittered away
into the dark corners of her mind, refusing to be caught.

She was struggling harder, trying to capture the elusive
threads of recall when she felt a hand on her arm.
Suddenly the world was full of sound...people talking,
calling to each other; a faint breeze rustling through her
hair; a muttered apology as someone bumped into her...and
close beside her, a female voice, speaking hastily:

"Eidolon, where have you been?"

---

Janeway pulled free with a startled gasp...and found
herself once more aboard Voyager, staring into Chakotay's
dark, worried eyes, his hands on her arms.  She blinked
and, for a moment, disorientation swept over her.

"Are you all right?"  There was concern...and something
else...in his voice, and his grip tightened. 

The chaos in her mind receded momentarily and she
stiffened.  "Eidolon."  She hadn't realized she had spoken
the name aloud until she saw his expression change.

"What?"  Chakotay's voice sharpened.

Confusion swept over her.  Janeway met her First
Officer's eyes, her mind reeling.  She swayed slightly.
"Chakotay?"  It came out as a question.  "What happened?"

"You tell me."  Hastily he steered he toward her chair
and she sagged bonelessly into it.  "You went into some
sort of trance," he said, a hundred questions in his voice.

She swallowed and ran a hand over her eyes which were
burning and sore.  Chakotay knelt down and tentatively
touched her shoulder.  "Kathryn...what's going on?"

"She called me Eidolon," Janeway said distantly, staring
past his shoulder to the far wall.  She couldn't seem to
shake off the confusion assailing her -- it was as if part
of her were still in the crowded city. 

"Who did?"  Her First Officer asked gently.

Janeway made a concerted effort to clear her mind.
Speaking slowly, she replied:  "I was...somewhere else...in
a city full of people.  And someone called me...Eidolon."
Staring vacantly past Chakotay, she told him in a shaken
voice about the vision and the dreams of the past two
nights.

She finished and swallowed again, a small ripple of fear
snaking through her.  Beside her, she could feel the
tension beating out of her First Officer's body like
radiation.  She met his eyes, her face reflecting the
unspoken thoughts written on his own.  Without thinking she
reached out a hand and spoke more forcefully:  "Chakotay --
I'm still me.  Eidolon's gone.  It was just a...a..."  She
couldn't finish.  She didn't know what it was.

Neither did he.  The Commander gazed worriedly into her
eyes, searching for signs of...of something he'd rather not
think about.

Chakotay had thought he had managed to put the memories
behind him.  Now, he realized, as he watched the Captain
shakily trying to regain control of herself, that he had
been wrong.  He could no more ignore the events of several
weeks ago than he could ignore what was happening now.  And
perhaps...just perhaps...the events were linked.  He
shuddered inwardly.

Three weeks ago, when a hostile alien had seized control
of his body and kidnapped the Captain while searching for
his elusive people, the *Shay'anari*, Chakotay had been a
helpless prisoner within his own mind.  Janeway had freed
him -- well, they had freed each other -- but the memories
remained.  She had nearly died.  He had nearly killed her.
In the end, the alien had left his body and taken hers in a
last desperate bid for freedom.  Only then, with the help
of ancient, alien technology, had the Captain been freed
and Eidolon destroyed for good.  Or so they had thought...

Janeway could read the doubt in his eyes.  It hurt, but
she couldn't blame him.  The same thought was ripping
through her like a dagger.  *What if Eidolon hadn't died?*
What if he were still inside her?  Worse yet, what if he
were somehow controlling her?  She bit her lip then
straightened and leaned back, easing herself out of his
grasp.  He let her go but did not step back.  Instead, he
stared intensely into her eyes, searching for some sign
of...what?

"You think that I might have been taken over...that he's
not really gone."  It wasn't a question.

A shadow passed over his eyes but he didn't deny it.  The
silence stretched between them.

After an eternity, Janeway licked dry lips and spoke
again.  "It's probably just some sort of hallucination..."

"And the dreams?"

"I don't know." 

"I think you should see the Doctor."  His tone was
clipped.  She hesitated then nodded wordlessly and stood,
swaying a little.  He took her arm, just under the elbow,
to steady her and for an instant she was tempted to lean
into his side, to reassure herself with some much needed
human contact...but she was the Captain.  And so she took a
deep breath, locked her knees, and lightly pulled her arm
away.

"I'm fine," she said.  "Let's go."

Chakotay nodded, his expression unreadable, and together
they left the ready room.

---

Their journey through the ship evoked more than one
inquiring look.  The rumours about them had obviously been
spreading like wildfire.  At any other time, Janeway would
have done her best to quell them by striding along firmly,
professionally, and decorously distant from the man at her
side.  Now though, she couldn't seem to care.  She had more
at stake than her reputation.

Such as, what if Eidolon really was somewhere still
inside her?  Could she trust any of her actions of the last
three weeks?  Were her thoughts even her own?  And...what
would they do if the alien hadn't left her body?

Then again, they could both be overreacting.  She might
just be hallucinating, perhaps caused by overwork and
stress.  But it had felt too real.  She could still smell
the flowers on the hillside, still see the pulsing strands
of lights in the pavement...

Janeway stopped dead.  Chakotay, who had been practically
glued to her hip as they walked through the corridors, was
taken off guard and ploughed into her, knocking her off
balance.  She steadied herself against the wall then turned
hastily to him, interrupting the apology already forming on
his lips.

"I remember where I've seen those lights."

He blinked.  "What?"

"Lights."  She was speaking quickly, impatiently.  "In
the...vision...there were pulsing lights in some of the
walls and buried in the street.  I've just remembered where
I've seen them before..."  Her voice trailed off.

He finished for her.  "In the Guardian's cave."  Their
eyes met, the implications sinking in.

"The vision...I was on the planet...where Eidolon took
us."  She swallowed.  "But it was in the past.  There were
people.  It was crowded."  Her momentary jubilation was
quickly fading and a stricken expression appeared on her
face.  Chakotay gently touched her shoulder, ignoring the
curious crewmembers passing them.

"It might just be a leftover memory...or something," he
said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself
than her.

"But you don't believe that, do you?"  Her voice was
bleak.

He didn't answer.  His silence was answer enough.
Quietly they turned and resumed their progress towards
sickbay.

---

The tests the Doctor subjected her to this time were
rigorous and thorough.  Janeway had been poked, prodded,
and probed, and there was very little about her that hadn't
been measured, gauged, or contemplated in some way.  She
had the feeling that if the hologram could have removed her
brain for a quick going over on a dissection tray, he would
have.  As it was, she was getting a headache.  A large one.
She tilted her head, watching Chakotay, the Doctor, and Kes
engage in a spirited discussion about one of the tests
which, as far as she could tell, were all yielding
precisely nothing, then she allowed herself to fall back on
the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.  Maybe it was all
just a...

The lights flared around her and between one heartbeat
and the next, Janeway was...elsewhere.

"I said 'where have you been?'  I've been waiting
forever."

Janeway blinked.  She was back in the city.  More people,
carrying baskets filled with what looked like shards of
glass or crystal, hurried by, ignoring her.  She turned her
head.  The woman was still there, the one she had seen
earlier.  The one who had called her "Eidolon."

She was thin and not very tall and, except for a faint
greenish cast to her skin and a certain difference in the
ears, looked remarkably human.  Her hair was cut short and
was an unremarkable light brown while her clothing appeared
to be purely functional.  She wore what looked like a pale
grey coverall and light boots.  Only the multicoloured
crystalline rings flashing on her fingers and her vibrant
blue eyes broke the drabness of her appearance.  She seemed
to be young.  In human terms she wouldn't have been much
more than twenty...

Janeway found herself scientifically cataloguing every
aspect of both her companion and her surroundings while
another part of her mind tried desperately to solve the
puzzle she found herself trapped in.  "I was in sickbay.
And now I'm here.  It's another vision...or hallucination."
But it was too real to be either.  All of her senses seemed
to be operating fully this time.  She could hear the flocks
of grey birds screaming raucously overhead, while the
scents of the crowd mingled with the smell of distant
cooking.  She could even feel a stone in her left shoe,
digging into her heel. 

She shifted her weight and refocused her attention on the
woman, who was frowning now, a worried expression on her
face.  "Are you all right, Eidolon?"

Part of Janeway's overloaded mind screamed a silent
answer.  *Don't call me that.  I am not Eidolon*  But she
found herself nodding and answering calmly.  "I'm fine..."
She paused.  Something within her supplied the name.
"Yvara."  Janeway stiffened.  That wasn't her memory.  It
was...someone else's.  Dread began to ripple through her.

Yvara nodded, the worry fading from her eyes.  "Good.  I
thought maybe they had..."  Her voice trailed off.

"What?" 

"Nothing."  The alien hesitated.  "I...did they listen to
you?"

Janeway waited, but whatever lurked within her mind
didn't supply her with the answer this time.  Hesitantly
she replied.  "No."  Well, she had a fifty percent chance
of being right, after all...

Yvara turned aside, hitting one fist into the palm of her
other hand.  "I knew it.  I knew they wouldn't listen."
She turned back to Janeway, speaking fiercely.  "You've got
to try again.  You've got to.  Make them listen.  Don't let
them do this..."

"I..."

Light suddenly blinded her...and Janeway found herself
back in sickbay.  Chakotay and the others were still
engrossed in conversation.  No more than seconds could have
passed.  With a gasp, she bolted upright and said:
"Doctor."  It came out as a yelp.  As one they turned to
her, their discussion breaking off in midstream.  She took
a deep breath.  "It happened again," she said flatly.  Her
headache had gotten worse, she noticed distantly, and she
was trembling.  She ignored it and met three pairs of
startled eyes.

For an instant she almost felt like laughing -- they all
wore identical expressions of surprise and alarm -- but the
impulse quickly faded.  There was very little to laugh at,
after all. 

In one stride, Chakotay had reached her side.  "What
happened?"  His voice was sharp.

Shakily, she told them.  Every detail that she could
remember while the Doctor hastily resumed scanning her.
When she finished, the hologram spoke.

"Your isotronic neutrinos have increased.  Again."  He
changed instruments and frowned at the readings.  "But that
still shouldn't account for..."

"Doctor."  Janeway's voice cut him off.  "Did any of the
tests that you ran...that is...?"  She gathered her
thoughts.  "Is there a test that will prove...that I'm
still me?"  The room stilled.

The hologram looked down at his tricorder.  "Your
brainwave patterns indicate that you are indeed Kathryn
Janeway..."  His voice trailed off.

She tensed.  "So why do I sense a 'but' coming?"

He met her gaze.  "But...there are slight differences in
the patterns that *could* leave the matter in *some*
doubt."

"What kind of 'slight differences'?"  Chakotay's voice
held a note that Janeway couldn't quite identify.  She
turned her head to look at him, but his expression was
shuttered and hooded.  He didn't meet her eyes. 

The Doctor paused before answering.  "They might be
caused by the change in her neutrino levels, or..."

"Or by an alien entity somewhere inside me."  Janeway's
voice was bleak.

"That is rather unlikely.  If you had been taken over by
Eidolon, or anyone else for that matter, your brainwave
patterns should have changed considerably.  That hasn't
happened.  And..."  He held up a hand to forestall her
interruption, "until there is more tangible proof either
way, I suggest everyone stop leaping to conclusions."  He
closed the tricorder with a snap.  Silence fell around him.
The Doctor paused for a moment then smiled slightly,
pleased with the effect. 

Janeway sat up, her legs dangling over the side of the
bed.  "So now what?" she asked wearily, her headache
pounding painfully.

"Now you all go back to whatever it is you were doing,
and leave me to go over these tests.  With Kes' help, of
course."  He favoured the alien with a paternal smile. 

Chakotay hesitated.  Janeway looked up, trying to meet
his eyes, and he glanced away.  A cold chill ran through
her.  "Doctor, Kes," she said slowly, "I would like a word
alone with Commander Chakotay first, please.  Alone."

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up, but he said, somewhat
huffily.  "All right.  But don't be long.  I have a lot of
data to check."  And then he vanished. 

Kes placed a hand on Janeway's shoulder.  "Take your
time, Captain.  I'll be outside."  She too left, leaving
Janeway alone with her First Officer.

Chakotay moved uncomfortably away as Janeway climbed to
her feet.  She braced herself.  "All right, Commander.
Just tell me."  Her voice was firm.

His turned to face her, discomfort written in every line
of his body.  A muscle tightened in his jaw.  "I'm...
worried about you.  And the ship."

"Because you're not sure if I...I'm still me."  It wasn't
a question. 

"Yes," he said evenly.

She hadn't expected it to hurt so much.  She understood
the logic of his concerns...she had the same fears.  But it
still hurt.

"And...?"  Her words were flat and toneless.

Chakotay found himself gazing at a point somewhere over
her left shoulder.  "And...I'm questioning now what
happened in the holodeck.  If...that was you or..." 

Janeway flinched and half-turned away.  Well, she had
wanted to talk to him about what had happened...but she had
never envisioned the conversation that was taking place.
What was she supposed to say?

When she did speak, her voice was low.  "Chakotay...
I...can't prove that I haven't been take over by Eidolon.
And I can't tell you that I'm one hundred percent certain
that he...or anyone else...wasn't influencing my actions in
the holodeck.  There's no proof that I can give you."  She
swallowed again, her mouth going dry.  This was...
difficult. 

"I...don't have any explanation for what's been happening
to me," she continued, "but I need you to believe in me.
To trust me."  She took a step closer, watching him closely
now.  "Can you do that?"

There was a long moment of silence.  Chakotay stared
wordlessly down at her.  She didn't move and she met his
gaze unblinkingly, afraid to look away.  She needed him to
believe her, she realized.  She could face everything else,
deal with these visions, Eidolon, anything...if only he
believed in her.  She held her breath.

"You're asking me for blind faith."  His voice was
strained. 

"Yes."

The silence between them seemed to last forever this
time.  Finally he opened his mouth to respond...and without
warning, the ship lurched violently, catapulting Janeway
into his arms.

Janeway found herself hopelessly entangled with her First
Officer as the ship shuddered around them.  They staggered
backwards, heading toward a nearby bed, with Chakotay
struggling to protect her and take the brunt of the fall
himself. 

She landed on top of him, half on the bed, half off.  In
any other circumstances it might have been amusing.  In the
last few weeks, she seemed to have spent more time in his
arms than out, for one reason or another.  But it wasn't
funny.  Too much had been said...and left unsaid...for
levity.  And besides, there were other concerns.  Even as
Janeway was struggling to regain her footing and lift
herself off of her First Officer, Voyager rolled again,
like a sailing ship in heavy seas.  It tipped sideways,
shuddered twice, then dipped alarmingly.  Janeway lurched
forward, her forehead connecting wickedly with Chakotay's
jaw, and they both winced.  Her vision blurred for a moment
then she redoubled her efforts to pull away.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Janeway
managed to stagger to her feet.  The ship plunged again and
Chakotay's hand went automatically to her elbow to steady
her.  For an instant they clung to each other...but only an
instant.  And then the Captain was moving away, her hand
already moving to her communicator pin.

"Janeway to the Bridge.  What's going on?"  She hurried
toward the door, reeling with the tossing of the ship,
Chakotay only a step behind her.

"Captain."  It was Harry.  "Some sort of...energy
waves...are hitting the ship.  I've never seen anything
like them.  They're..."

"Shields up, Mr Kim.  I'm on my way," she snapped as she
hurried down the corridor as quickly as she could.  Her
headache seemed to have increased fourfold and for an
instant, her vision blurred.  She stumbled going around a
corner.

Again, Chakotay was there.  He steadied her once more,
his gaze sharpening as he peered down at her face.  "Are
you all right?"

Janeway shook her head to clear it then pulled free and
resumed her headlong flight.  "I'm fine," she began...and
then it happened again.  The lights flared and...

...And Janeway was leaning against a wall in a large room
filled with people she didn't know.  But it was different
this time.  The vision was not sharp and clear.  Instead,
the crowd seemed to be mingling with the ghostly forms of
Voyager's crew.  A transparent Chakotay stood close by,
saying something she couldn't hear.  Rushing sounds filled
her ears and pain stabbed at her temples.  She clutched her
head...

...And the vision vanished, leaving her pale and shaken
in the corridor.  Chakotay had both hands on her shoulders,
an alarmed expression on his face.  "Kathryn," he repeated
more forcefully, "are you all right?"

"Yes."  She had to brace herself inwardly against the
pain in her head.  It was abating somewhat, but not fast
enough for her.  She licked dry lips.  "I have to get to
the Bridge."  Once more she pulled out of his grip and set
off toward the turbolift.  Chakotay pursued her down the
corridor.  

"Captain..."

"It can wait Chakotay."  Her tone was flat, allowing no
argument.  And then the turbolift door opened and she
stepped inside, Chakotay shadowing her every move.  As the
door closed behind them, he said flatly:  "It happened
again, didn't it?"

Janeway glanced sideways at him.  "Maybe.  I don't know.
It was different this time."  He stiffened, and she
hurriedly resumed speaking to forestall what she knew he
was going to say.  "We'll discuss this later, Commander.
Right now I need to know what's happening outside."  As if
to punctuate her words, the ship lurched violently again
and they both reached for the wall, trying to keep their
balance.

"Captain..."

She could see he wasn't going to drop it this time.  But
before he could continue the door slid open and Janeway
stepped out onto the Bridge.  "Report."  She strode quickly
toward the Captain's chair.

Harry turned to her, clutching his console for balance.
In front of them, Paris was struggling to keep the ship on
an even keel while ahead, on the view screen, energy waves
could be seen crashing over the ship at regular intervals.
They tossed the ship with ease, despite the shields and the
crew's efforts.

"They appear to be some sort of particle waves, Captain,
but I have never seen anything like them before,"  Tuvok
told her.

"Where are they coming from?"  Chakotay asked, settling
into his chair and gripping the sides as the ship lurched
yet again.

The Vulcan frowned, his hands dancing over the console.
"They are coming from a point somewhere behind us but I
cannot pinpoint the location.  They appear to have
travelled for some distance though."

"Tom, can you get us out of here?"  Janeway asked.

"I'm trying, Captain, but the warp engines are
fluctuating.  Something about these energy waves is
interfering with them."

"Janeway to Engineering."

"I know, I know!"  B'elanna's voice was strained.  "The
warp coils are going down.  I'm working on it!"  The
communicator link fell silent.

Janeway turned and met Chakotay's eyes.  For a moment the
tension and things left unsaid between them vanished and
they were once more a team, faced with a crisis.  "What
about Impulse?" he said.

"You heard the Commander, Tom.  Get us out of here."

"Aye aye, Captain."  His hands flew across the console.

Slowly, labouriously, the ship started to come around,
angling its nose across the energy surges...and abruptly
the waves stopped.  One last swell broke across their bow
and then they were gone.  Empty space shone on the
viewscreen.  A startled silence fell over the Bridge.

Tuvok broke the silence.  "The waves seem to have
dissipated, Captain.  I am scanning for any signs."

Janeway exhaled, only now realizing that she had been
holding her breath.  She turned back to her First
Officer...

...and was once more in the crowded room.  But the vision
were sharp and clear again.  She could see every person in
the crowd and feel the rough surface of the wall she was
leaning against.  Janeway bit her lip.  "Not again," she
thought. "Not now.  My ship needs me..."  She closed her
eyes, wishing desperately to find herself back on the
Bridge of Voyager when she opened them.  It didn't work.
She was still here.  Wherever here was...

"All right," she thought, pushing herself away from the
wall.  "It's time to get some answers."  She took a step
forward then stopped as someone began to speak.  Hastily
she scanned the room.  There.  At the front.  The woman she
had seen before -- Yvara -- was speaking.  Janeway froze
and strained to hear over the sounds of the crowd.

"You've all heard what Eidolon said," Yvara was saying,
"and you must agree that we can't let this happen.  Eidolon
is right.  We have to stop them from finishing the
Guardian...by whatever means are necessary."

"What are you saying, Yvara?" someone called from the
crowd.

"I'm saying that if we act, they will use any means
necessary to stop us.  And...we will have to respond in
kind.  There...will be violence."

There was an uncomfortable silence from the crowd.  Then
one person, an older man, stood and said:  "But what if
Eidolon is wrong.  Or lying to us.  Where's your proof of
all this?  You're asking us to risk our lives.  Based on
what?  One person's word?"

"One *Shay'anari's* word.  Why would Eidolon lie?"

"Why would the others?"  Murmurs of agreement rippled
through the crowd.  Yvara shifted uncomfortably, looking
pleadingly toward Janeway...toward Eidolon.

Janeway glanced around at the crowd.  Several dark looks
were being cast at her before the faces hastily turned back
to the front and those nearest her edged away a little.
She bit her lip in frustration.  What was going on?  These
brief snippets of somebody else's life were only serving to
confuse her.  She took a deep breath.  "I have got to make
some sense out of this, before I go crazy.  All right," she
told herself firmly.  "You may not have all the answers,
but let's try putting some of the pieces together."

Focus on the facts.  She was having a recurring series of
visions or hallucinations that was forming a coherent, if
confused narrative.  Despite the gaps, she could make at
least some sense out of all of it.  She...or Eidolon
rather...had convinced this Yvara to stop...somebody...
from finishing the Guardian, and Yvara in turn was trying
to convince the others. 

And Janeway hadn't been possessed by Eidolon.  That much,
she was certain.  Or, if she were, it was not in the same
way as before.  Then, she had found herself thrust
violently into the back of her mind, losing control of her
body as the alien usurped her.  Now, she retained complete
control, but seemed to be losing her mind...  She shook
herself inwardly.  "Unproductive thoughts, Kathryn." 

Janeway's mind went back to the events of three weeks
ago.  If this was the same planet Eidolon had taken her to,
then these visions must be taking place in the distant
past.  It made sense.  Eidolon had been surprised at the
lifelessness of the unnamed planet and had told her he had
been away for a long time.  And the Guardian had stated
that Eidolon's people had long since departed.

So.  She was in the past and was somehow reliving events
from Eidolon's life.  But why?  And how?  She closed her
eyes, ignoring the crowd around her.  The Guardian.  The
alien computer seemed to be the key to everything.  But it
lay crushed and lifeless in the present, sealed off when
the cave collapsed.  Yet here, now, it hadn't even been
built and already Eidolon was trying to destroy it.  Why?
She sighed.  They knew so little about Eidolon and his
people.  Chakotay had been able to tell her very little and
she herself had tried to put her own brief experience with
the Wraith out of her mind.  Her mind had been full
of...other things...

She cut that line of thought off quickly and refocused on
the immediate problem -- such as why was this happening to
her and how could she stop it?  Unfortunately, she didn't
seem to have an answer for either...

The sounds from the crowd interrupted her reverie and
Janeway opened her eyes.  People were rising and moving
toward the door.  At the front, Yvara was trying
desperately to stop them.  "Listen to me," she called,
"Please!  You must listen.  The Guardian will..."

"We've worked to build the Guardian all our lives,"
someone shouted, "As did our parents and grandparents.  And
now you stand here and ask us to destroy all those years of
work...simply because *he* says so?"  The man shook his
head angrily. 

Yvara made one last effort to stop them.  "You must help
us." she cried, "Do it for Anari.  This planet needs...!"

"Anari needs the Guardian.  "Go back to the mines, Yvara.
Go back to your fantasies.  We have work to do."  There
were a few shouts of approval from the rest before they
slowly filed out. 

Janeway pressed herself back against the wall as they
passed, unwilling to face the harsh glares and muttered
words aimed at her.  She let out a deep breath as the last
person exited the building.  And then she was alone with
Yvara.

The woman stared at her, trembling with anger.  When she
spoke, her voice was low and accusing.  "Why didn't you say
something?"

"I..."  Janeway didn't know what to say.  The truth --
that she wasn't really Eidolon, but was an alien from the
distant future -- certainly wouldn't help.  But then it
didn't matter, for Yvara continued, not waiting for her
response.

"Why didn't you help me convince them?  How could you
just stand there and..."

"They didn't want to be convinced.  Nothing we could have
said would have changed their mind."  It was Janeway's
voice, but the words were not her own.  Once more something
inside her was supplying her with what she needed...

"So now what do we do?" Yvara asked, the anger abruptly
fading from her voice, leaving only exhaustion behind. 

Janeway found herself listening breathlessly for her
response, hoping that the next sentence would answer some
of the questions raging within her.  "Now," she heard
herself saying, "we destroy the Guardian ourselves."

Yvara gasped...

...and Janeway was back on the Bridge.

She had only a fraction of a second to realize where she
was before the pain hit her.  Her headache returned, a
thousand times worse than before.  She cried out and
stiffened in her chair, feeling as if her neurons were
being scorched from within...and then it abated.  Just a
little.  Gasping, she opened her eyes...to find everyone
staring her with alarm on their faces.

"Captain,"  It was Tuvok. "Are you all right?"

She put a shaking hand to her forehead.  "Yes.  I'm fine.
It's just..."  Her voice trailed off.

Chakotay's voice was bleak.  "Another vision?"

"Yes, but..."  She turned to face him, barely able to see
past the pain. 

He rose gracefully and looked back at Harry.  "Mr Kim,"
he said quietly, "Will you please help the Captain to
sickbay?"  Harry leapt to his feet.

"No, wait,"  Janeway said hastily.  "I...I think I know
where those energy waves were coming from."  Where had that
come from?  She blinked in astonishment, forgetting for the
moment the agony coursing through her...then realized that
she did, in fact, know the source of the waves.  "Anari.
We have to go back to Anari."

"Anari?"  Once more Tuvok was speaking.  Beside her,
Chakotay froze.  She glanced once at him, then turned to
face her Security Officer. 

"Yes," she said, "My...Eidolon's...homeworld."  Damn.
That slip of the tongue had been a mistake, Janeway
realized as her First Officer tensed.  She tried
desperately to clear her head.  The pain was ebbing slowly,
but it was still enough to make breathing, let along
thinking, difficult.  She tried again.

"The planet that Eidolon took us to...it was called
Anari.  That's where the waves are coming from."

"How do you know this, Captain?"  The Vulcan's voice held
nothing but cold logic.  And still Chakotay said nothing.

She closed her eyes.  "I...don't know.  I just do."  She
straightened her shoulders.  "We have to go back.  Tom,
turn the ship around and set a course for the planet..."

"Belay that order." 

Janeway turned to her First Officer in shock.  Around
them, everyone stilled and a tense silence descended upon
the Bridge.  She stared at Chakotay for an endless moment.
"What did you say?"

A muscle tightened in his jaw and he licked dry lips.
"I'm sorry, Captain, but you are hereby relieved of
command."

The tension, if possible, deepened.  Nobody moved.
Nobody even breathed.  Janeway took a half breath, staring
into his eyes.  "You..."  She swallowed, unable to get the
words out, then:  "Why?"

He closed his eyes briefly, as if in pain, then met her
gaze valiantly.  "You're not well and...I believe your
ability to make judgements concerning the ship's well-being
has been...impaired.  I am therefore ordering you to report
to sickbay and remain there until further notice." 

Janeway sank back in her chair.  Suddenly her headache
didn't seem nearly so important now.  That Chakotay
could...No.  She couldn't even think the words, let alone
accept what he had done.  Her mind seemed to have shut down
altogether.

Chakotay beckoned to Harry.  "Mr. Kim.  Will you please
escort the Captain to sickbay."  For an eternity, no one
moved, then the Ensign reluctantly left his post and edged
toward her.  Janeway glanced blindly at him, then turned to
the Vulcan.

"Tuvok?" 

He hesitated, then replied.  "I...concur with Commander
Chakotay.  You are not well, Captain...and it is possible
that you are...not yourself.  It would not be logical
to..."

"I have *not* been taken over, damn it."  Her voice rose
and several members of the crew, Paris included, jumped.
Janeway watched, as if from a great distance, as Tuvok's
hand edged towards his phaser.

"Captain?"  It was a quiet voice next to her.  Harry's.
He was hovering like a nervous puppy, not quite sure of her
reaction.  She swallowed and closed her eyes briefly, then
opened them.  Marshalling her thoughts and her remaining
dignity she stood, not meeting Chakotay's gaze.

"Very well," she said coldly.  "I'll go.  But I have
*not* been taken over, and if we want to determine the
cause of those energy waves then we will *have* to return
to Anari."  With that, she headed toward the turbolift,
Ensign Kim trailing unhappily after her. 

Janeway didn't look back.  If she had, she might have
seen the expression of anguish in her First Officer's eyes.

---

Chakotay sat numbly in Kathryn's chair.  No one on the
Bridge met his eyes and a deathly silence had fallen.  He
had to resist the urge to stand up and explain his
actions...or to flee.  In the end he did neither.  Instead
he sat stiffly in her chair and asked for a report on the
ship's status.

"Navigation and warp are back on line...Sir."  Paris'
voice was low and subdued.  He didn't look behind him.

Tuvok added:  "Long distance scanners detect no sign of
the energy waves.  They seem to have dissipated completely.
Repairs to the ship are underway.  There are no reports of
casualties."

Chakotay nodded.  Another lengthy silence fell.  Then the
turbolift doors slid open and everyone jumped.  Seven pairs
of eyes turned to Harry Kim who hesitated at the threshold
before squaring his shoulders and crossing to Ops.

Chakotay turned to him.  "Mr Kim?" 

"The Captain...that is..."  He ground to a halt, then
continued, stammering a little.  "Uh...she's in sickbay.
With the Doctor."

Chakotay nodded curtly.  Once more, an unhappy silence
descended.  The tension did not abate.

Finally, Chakotay stood and said to no one in particular:
"I'll be in...the ready room.  Inform me at once if there's
any sign of the energy waves."  Not waiting for an answer
and carefully not meeting anyone's eyes, he turned and left
the Bridge.

---

"What have I done?"  He sank into the sofa across from
the desk, unwilling to sit in *her* chair, and closed his
eyes.  He had just relieved his Captain of command.
Depending on what happened next, he was either acting in
the best interests of the ship...or was guilty of mutiny.
And right now, he didn't know which...

He tried not to think about the pain he had seen in her
eyes...or the fact that he had caused it.  But it did no
good.  The image of Janeway's face and the expression of
betrayal she had worn before she managed to hide it rose up
before him.  Guilt warred with the unhappiness within him.

The doorchime interrupted his dark thoughts.  He opened
his eyes and glowered at the door.  Whoever it was didn't
go away.  The chime rang again.  Bracing himself inwardly,
Chakotay said:  "Enter."

It was Tuvok.  The Commander wasn't surprised.  He had
expected this -- just not so soon.  "Sit down, Lieutenant,"
he said wearily.

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow to see Chakotay sitting on
the sofa rather than behind the desk, but crossed to a
nearby chair, turning it to face Chakotay.  Without
preamble, he said:  "May I ask what your intentions are,
Sir?"

Chakotay swallowed, feeling slightly ill.  "I don't know.
I'm open to suggestions."

Tuvok didn't hesitate.  "Very well.  I suggest you talk
to Captain Janeway."

"I don't think she'll want to talk to *me* right now."
His tone was bleak.

"Probably not.  Nevertheless, the question of her
identity and state of mind remains in doubt.  You are the
person most likely to determine whether she has indeed been
taken over."

Chakotay shook his head.  "No.  Not me.  You've known her
longer than I have..."

"From my observations, *you* are the person she is
closest to on this ship.  That, plus the fact that you have
first hand knowledge of Eidolon and his methods of
possession..."  Chakotay winced slightly.  "...makes you
the most logical choice."

The Commander closed his eyes briefly before meeting the
Vulcan's gaze.  "What if I was wrong?"  It came out as a
whisper. 

Tuvok paused.  "I...do not know.  I do not know *how* she
will react to this.  But Commander...you should be asking
yourself...what if you are right?"

Chakotay rose to pace across the ready room,
unconsciously following the same path Janeway had taken,
hours earlier.  "I know.  The Kathryn Janeway we know...may
not even exist any more."  A shaft of pain went through
him, surprising him with its intensity.  If she were
gone...then so was his world.  His pace faltered.

Tuvok spoke again.  "Commander...I suggest you go to
sickbay and endeavour to find out."

Chakotay turned to face the other man.  "You backed me up
out there just now.  What do you believe?"

Tuvok paused, then said:  "Given the violent nature of
Eidolon I believe it was...wise...to take precautions.  It
would not be logical to leave Captain Janeway in command
while there are doubts as to her identity and mindset.  If
you had not relieved her of command, I would have done so."

That didn't make him feel any better.  If anything, he
felt worse.  It was as if they had all turned against
her...  Chakotay had sworn to himself, early on, that he
would stand by her and would never hurt her.  He had broken
his word now, on both counts.  A shudder ripped through
him.

Tuvok was still talking.  "Hopefully the Doctor will be
able to determine the cause of her blackouts and stop them.
In the meantime, there is the ship to consider."

Chakotay nodded numbly.  "All right Tuvok.  You have the
Bridge.  Keep scanning for the energy waves and continue
with the repairs to the ship.  I'll...be in sickbay.  With
the Captain."

The Vulcan stood and waited for Chakotay to precede him
out the door.  They had nearly reached it when Tuvok
stopped him.  "Commander?"

"Yes?"

"Captain Janeway may have been right on one count.  If we
are to discover the meaning of her visions and these energy
waves...we may well have to return to the planet..."

---

Janeway sat stiffly in sickbay, refraining from both
verbal and physical assaults on the Doctor by sheer
willpower.  The hologram babbled on cheerfully, heedless of
her homicidal feelings, while he ran an even more extensive
series of tests on her.

When they had entered, Ensign Kim had hovered
indecisively for a moment then gratefully bolted when she
told him to return to the Bridge, leaving her alone with
the Doctor...and her thoughts.  The hologram had given her
something for her headache but she hadn't bothered to tell
him that, after the first moment or two, it wasn't working.
No, she had other things on her mind besides the pain in
her head.  If anything, she was almost grateful for it...it
kept her from dwelling too fully on what had happened...

"I have to check a few more readings," the Doctor was
saying.  "Just lie down and relax.  I'll be right back."
She didn't move.  Finally, something of her demeanour crept
into his awareness.  "Or...you could always just sit
there."  He cast her a wary glance then hastily moved to
another part of sickbay.

Janeway barely noticed that he was gone.  She was
concentrating on not moving.  If she moved, she would give
in to the anger that was consuming her.  If she even
thought about it, she would do something violent.
Something she would regret later.  And so she sat quietly,
focusing on breathing.

The door slid open.  Without looking she knew who it was.
Chakotay.  "You will not lose your temper," she told
herself resolutely, "You will be calm and rational."
Rational.  Right.  Her fists clenched.

"Kathryn?"  His voice was low and hesitant.

"Yes."  Her own was cold and flat.  Chakotay flinched,
then forced himself to continue.

"I...we need to talk."

"Go on then."

He swallowed, fighting the cowardly impulse to turn
around and head right back out the door.  She didn't look
at him, merely sat on the biobed, waves of icy coldness
emanating from her.  This was worse than he had imagined.
Much worse.

"I...stand by my decision."

That got a reaction, though probably not the one he had
hoped for.  Her head swung round and her eyes met his.  He
took an involuntary step backwards.  He was wrong -- she
wasn't giving off waves of ice...instead, fire seemed to be
crackling from within her and she was obviously holding
onto her temper by her fingernails.  Once more the impulse
to run swept over him.

"I see."  She stood carefully and walked toward him.  He
shifted his weight, but stood his ground.  "You 'stand by
your decision.'  How admirable."  Her voice rose.  "Did it
never occur to you to talk this over with me first?  Or
that you might perhaps be overreacting because of your own
experiences with Eidolon?" 

"Kathryn..."

"Don't call me that!"  The words lashed at him and
Chakotay paled.  Pain flitted across his face.

Janeway abruptly turned to pace rapidly across the
sickbay floor, certain that if she didn't move away, she
would punch him in the jaw.  Hard.  It was so tempting.  He
was standing at attention in the middle of the floor and
she was suddenly convinced that if she did try to hit him,
he wouldn't even duck.  She took a deep breath.  No.  That
wasn't the answer.  She closed her eyes briefly, then
turned back to him, her emotions whirling.

"All right," she said, a little more calmly now, "I
appreciate your position.  I can understand you putting the
ship's safety first.  However," she said more forcefully,
as he opened his mouth to reply, "I have *not* been
possessed by anything.  Or anyone.  I am still me."

"That's exactly what Eidolon would say if you *had* been
possessed."  His voice was low. 

She *was* going to hit him.  Or perhaps scream in
frustration.  How could she convince him...?  Janeway
*knew* she was herself.  Granted, she had had some doubts
at the beginning, but they were gone now.  At some point
during the last few hours she had lost the fear that
Eidolon was still inside her somewhere, waiting to take
control.  These hallucinations were not a side-effect of
some alien possession.  She didn't know what they were, but
she knew what they *weren't*.  Now if she could only
convince him...

Then she had it -- the answer.  She cast her First
Officer a long look, hesitated, then turned and walked back
toward him.  He didn't move.  "Commander.  Chakotay."
There was a tremor in her voice, but it was no longer
caused by anger.  "If I *had* been taken over by Eidolon,
*you* would know.  Others might not...but you would."

His eyes darted to her in surprise and he licked dry
lips.  She bit her own lip and continued, directing her
words somewhere over his right shoulder.  "When...you were
possessed, I knew it.  Somehow.  Almost right away."  She
paused, drawing in a ragged breath.  "I'd like to think
that you know me as well as I do.  Probably more.  That...
even if your eyes deceived you...something within you would
recognize the truth."

She took another half-step closer and tilted her head to
look up at him.  "Chakotay," she said softly, "Look at me.
Tell me who you see."

He stared down at her, all his emotions naked on his
face.  He hesitated...took a deep breath...and pulled her
into his arms.  "Kathryn," he whispered brokenly into her
hair.

That word held everything.  Relief, sorrow, guilt...and
something else she wasn't ready to acknowledge.  Janeway
stiffened for just an instant then slowly relaxed, her own
arms tightening around his body.  She drew in a ragged
breath.  He believed her.  He *believed* her.  A tear
gathered at the corner of her eyes.

Chakotay held his Captain in his arms, feeling her
heartbeat gradually slow to match his.  How could he have
allowed his own fears and worries to blind him like this?
"Forgive me," he asked, so quietly she could barely hear
him, his arms tightening around her.  "I'm sorry."

She nodded once, her face hidden against his chest.
Then, after a lifetime, she reluctantly began to disengage
from his embrace.  Chakotay fought down the impulse to hold
her for just a little while longer, and released her,
trying to get his own emotions under control.  He looked
down at her and, giving in to temptation, gently wiped the
tear from her cheek with one finger.  She gave him a quick
half-smile before taking a small step back.  The smile
vanished.

"Commander..."

He braced himself.  Despite her apparent forgiveness, he
still had a lot to answer for.  A distant part of his mind
wondered how mutiny would look on his record.  Well, he was
already guilty of treason...why not mutiny...?

"Commander...about what happened on the Bridge...You may
have acted for the wrong reasons..."  A pause.  "But you
might have made the right decision..."

Chakotay blinked.  Whatever he had been expecting, it
wasn't that.  He frowned down at her, noticing for the
first time how pale and strained she looked. 

Janeway continued unsteadily.  "...because given the way
I'm feeling right now, I'm not fit to command a toy boat,
let alone a Starship..."  Even as she spoke, she swayed. 

Instantly he moved forward, catching her before she could
fall, and steering her toward the biobed.  "Doctor," he
shouted.  Janeway clutched Chakotay's arm as the hologram
hurried toward them.  The pain that had been slowly
building behind her eyes had suddenly exploded within her
and she could no longer ignore it.  She gasped as they
helped her onto the bed, grey fog obscuring her vision.
She felt as if hot lances were slowly being driven into her
skull.  Pain consumed her.  Distantly, she realized she was
still clinging to Chakotay's hand.

"Doctor.  What's the matter with her?"  Fear went through
him in a rush.

"I don't know."  The hologram held a medical tricorder
over her, frowning at the readings.  "Her isotronic
neutrino levels have increased exponentially.  There's a
massive buildup of..."  His voice faded away as light
flared behind Janeway's eyes...

...then erupted.  She opened them...to see a dozen men
with weapons firing at her.  Instantly, she ducked behind
what looked like a mining cart.  To her left, Yvara raised
a similar weapon, shaped like a laser rifle, and fired
back.  Laserbolts whined through the air and the heat was
intense.

The pain was gone.  Relief swept through her.  Then
another laserbolt just overhead drove everything else from
her mind.  Janeway glanced around hastily, carefully
staying behind the dubious shelter of the cart. 

She was in the Guardian's cave.  Only this time, the
strands of lights in the floor didn't pulse and the central
console was only half complete.  She was still in the past.
Then the memory of what she...Eidolon...had said before
came back to her.  "We'll destroy the Guardian
ourselves..."

It obviously wasn't going well.  She and Yvara were
pinned down in the cavern by...whoever they were.  Even as
she realized this, some part of her mind was analyzing the
situation, weighing options, looking for a way to
accomplish their mission...  "What mission?" the part that
was still Janeway screamed silently in frustration.  "Why
destroy this computer?  Why risk their lives for..."

A laserbolt hit the rockwall.  Janeway started.  That had
come from *behind them*.  Both she and the alien woman
started to turn...and another bolt hit Yvara high on the
chest.  The woman gasped, a surprised expression on her
face, and the laser gun dropped from numb fingers.  As if
in slow motion, she crumpled to the ground.

"NO!"  Janeway found herself screaming, raising the gun
she hadn't known she carried, and firing at the oncoming
men.  One bolt hit the first, and he slammed backwards into
the wall, a shower of sparks erupting from a buried energy
line.  Janeway fired again, then ran toward the fallen
woman.  She had almost reached her when a laser bolt hit
her in the middle of the back.  Janeway lurched forward,
not yet feeling the pain, and crashed to the ground near
Yvara.

And then it hit her.  Agony.  Overwhelming, all-consuming
pain, like nothing she had ever experienced.  Or imagined.
Someone...Janeway or Eidolon, she didn't know who...had
time to whisper only one word before another bolt burned
into her body.  "Anari..." she said...and the light around
her faded.

---

Janeway awoke slowly.  It was difficult to claw her way
back to consciousness but slowly voices began to filter
into her awareness.  She managed to crack one eye open...
and promptly closed it again, her stomach lurching in
protest.

"Kathryn?"  The voice sounded uncertain...and fearful. 

She opened both eyes.  Grey streaks swirled across her
vision.  Then a hypospray was pressed to her neck and the
streaks vanished.  "Chakotay?"  He was still holding her
hand, she realized distantly.

"Yes.  I'm here.  You're going to be all right."

"Wha' happened?"  It was difficult to form the words.
She squinted a little and he drifted into view, the Doctor
beside him.  She frowned.  Her First Officer looked...
shattered. 

The hologram answered for him.  "Your heart stopped.  We
managed to stabilize you in time, but it was a near thing."

Janeway lifted a heavy hand to her head, the now familiar
pain beginning to throb behind her eyes.  At least it
wasn't quite so bad this time.  She could cope with it, she
decided...if she didn't move...or breathe.  "What's wrong
with me?"  It was a becoming a little easier to speak, she
noticed distantly.

"We...still don't know.  All the tests are negative so
far.  I don't know what's causing your blackouts...but
whatever it is nearly killed you.  The next time you may
not be so lucky..."

"Chakotay..."  she interrupted weakly.

"Yes, Kathryn?"

Her eyes drifted shut.  "We have to go back.  To Anari.
It's the only way to find out what's happening.  We have
to..."

She felt a hand touch her cheek lightly...or perhaps she
only imagined it.  "We will," she heard him say, before the
darkness claimed her once more.

---

Voyager hurtled through space, slight tremors going
through her hull as the engines strained for every last bit
of speed.  Chakotay's terse command from sickbay to set a
course for the planet Anari at maximum warp had had an
instantaneous effect and they were now heading back, as
fast as the ship could carry them.

He hoped it was fast enough.  The Doctor had assured him
that the Captain's condition, though serious, was stable,
but he couldn't quite believe it.  She so pale and still,
as if death were only a heartbeat or a single breath away.
He sat next to her, watching her breathe in and out...and
prayed.

He couldn't lose her.  If she died because of his
delay...because of his own fears...

He loved her.  He had known he loved her for quite some
time, but had never quite managed to say the words, even to
himself.  Now though, he couldn't lie about *anything*
anymore.  He loved her.  He needed her.  If she died...

Janeway stirred slightly and Chakotay bolted to his feet.
Her eyes flickered open.  She blinked once or twice, as if
clearing her vision, then asked:  "What's happening?"  Her
voice was still weak, but stronger than it had been.  His
heart leapt. 

"We're on our way back to Anari.  How do you feel?"

She gave him a small smile.  "Do you want the truth or a
comforting lie?"

"The truth."  He smiled back.

She raised her head a little, looking somewhat surprised
that she could do so, then glanced around sickbay.  "It
feels as if a starship just landed on me, but other than
that...I feel a little better."

A disbelieving expression crossed his face and her smile
widened.  "Honestly.  The headache...is still there...but
it doesn't feel like my head is going to explode at any
minute.  Really."  She added when he still looked
sceptical.

"Another blackout may kill you."  His tone turned
serious.

Likewise, her smile vanished.  "I know it.  But...I
finally feel like I'm getting some answers."

"What kind of answers?"

She told him.  Everything she could remember from the
latest vision.  "Although," she finished shifting her
shoulders a little, "I could have happily gone through life
not knowing what it felt like to be shot in the back."

He looked away and didn't answer.  She continued, not
noticing his reaction.  "But there's something that doesn't
make sense.  I have the feeling that I'm not seeing the
whole picture."

"What is there to see?" Chakotay asked.  "We already knew
that Eidolon killed a 'host' and was exiled.  You yourself
saw him lead an attack on the Guardian and kill a man...if
what you are seeing really did happen... What else is
there?"

"I don't know.  I just know that...it's not what we
think."  She sighed and looked away in frustration.  "Maybe
I'll find what I'm looking for on Anari..."

"What *do* you expect to find?"

"Answers.  The truth.  More questions.  I don't know..."
Her voice trailed off. 

Chakotay rested one hand lightly on the top of hers.
"We'll find them, Kathryn," he said.  "No matter what it
takes, we'll find them."  His fingers tightened on hers.

---

By the time Voyager had swung into orbit around the
small, greyish-brown M-class planet, Janeway had recovered
enough to fight with her First Officer about going down to
the surface.  She had managed to leave sickbay by the
simple expedient of ignoring both the Doctor's and Kes'
objections, and had made her slow but steady way to the
transporter room where the away team, consisting of
Chakotay, B'Elanna, and Paris, had gathered.

"Just what precisely do you expect to do down there?"
There was an angry note in Chakotay's voice that was belied
by the worry on his face.  Paris and B'Elanna carefully
averted their gazes from the two senior officers and moved
towards the far side of the room, giving them at least the
illusion of privacy.

"And what do you expect to do without me?"  There was an
edge to Janeway's tone.  "*I'm* the one reliving this
damned alien's life.  I'm the one having these visions and
I'm the one who knows more about this planet than anyone
else on this ship.  Including you.  I have to go."  Her
patience was wearing thin.  Besides, she was finding it
increasingly difficult to hide the lingering effects of her
latest blackout.  It had taken a good deal of effort to
make it this far; it was taking even more to maintain an
upright position.  If he knew how weak she really was he
would never let her transport down to the surface.  Janeway
fought for the strength she needed, keeping her gaze firm.

"I'm fine.  Really.  The headache is nearly gone."

She was lying.  Chakotay could read the strain on her
face, see the shadows in her eyes as she tried to hide the
pain.  "You're not well," he said quietly so the others
couldn't hear.  "You can barely stand, let alone face
whatever is down there.  How do you expect to..."

She cut him off.  "I have to go.  You know that,
Chakotay."  Her voice softened and she touched his arm
lightly.  "Please."

He couldn't let her do this...couldn't allow her to put
herself in danger... But he couldn't keep her here either.
It was obvious that, for some reason, she *needed* to
return to Anari.  Despite the dangers.  And, gods help him,
he would help her.  And hope that, somehow, at the end of
all this, he would get her back. 

For a long moment he hesitated, then his shoulders
slumped fractionally.  "All right," he said, "But I want
you to promise to tell me immediately if...if *anything*
happens.!" 

She nodded.  "I promise."

"And the Doctor goes with us,"  he added.

"Fine.  But we need to hurry."

He hesitated for a moment longer then touched his
communicator, wondering if he had just made the biggest
mistake of his life.  "Doctor -- report to transporter room
two."

---

It had taken only moments for the hologram to arrive and
the party to gather on the transporter pads...and then they
had beamed down to Anari.  Once more Janeway found herself
on the dry, desolate world, the desert wind whipping
through her hair and rust-coloured earth and rocks
crunching underfoot.  A wave of memories swept over her.
Eidolon inhabiting Chakotay's body, threatening her; the
shuttle crash; the bite of the gwari and its poison rushing
through her veins; their nerve-shattering trek across the
ravine...and the Guardian. 

And then other memories intruded.  Eidolon's memories.
The flowers on the hillside; the shining city; Yvara dying
in his arms...and the Guardian.  An aching sense of
desolation and loss filled her and she no longer knew whose
emotions she was experiencing -- her own or the Wraith's...
And then it no longer mattered.

She had to get to the Guardian.  Now.  The impulse that
had been growing within her became almost unbearable.  She
had to reach the cavern before it was too late.  Or
everything would be lost.  Everything.

As if on a signal, her head came up, turning towards a
rocky outcrop above and to the left of the now-buried
entrance to the cave.  There.  Another way in.  She didn't
question the impulse but moved hastily forward, not caring
if the others followed or not. 

The away team spun, startled, as she headed toward the
cliff.  "Captain!"  Chakotay bolted after her, seizing her
arm and dragging her to a halt.  "What are you doing?"

She resisted the urge to wrest herself from his grip and
spoke carefully.  "There's another way in.  Up there."  She
pointed with her free hand. 

He followed her gaze.  "Where?  And how do you know?"

"There.  Behind the rock.  And...I just know.  Somehow."
She was almost dancing with impatience, her headache long
since forgotten.

By now the others had caught up to them.  The Doctor ran
his medical tricorder over her without ceremony.  "Captain,
you should not be exerting yourself.  Your neutrinos..."

"Damn my neutrinos."  She spoke fiercely then turned back
to Chakotay.  "This is what we came for, isn't it?  Or did
you intend to just wait around outside?" 

Something of the urgency inside her must have
communicated itself to her First Officer, for he met her
eyes for a long moment then nodded fractionally and
replied:  "All right.  But I go first.  Understood?"

Janeway nodded impatiently.  "Yes.  Fine.  Just...hurry."

---

They found the rift exactly where she said it would be.
Behind the rocky outgrowth, a secondary entrance stood,
black shadows shrouding its depths.  Paris and B'Elanna
exchanged a tense glance then removed their emergency
lights from their belts and followed the Captain, who was
almost treading on Chakotay's heels.  Behind them, the
Doctor paused for an instant, shook his head once, then
followed them into the rift.

---

The group descended steadily for what felt like a
lifetime but could have been no more than ten minues.  And
then they unexpectedly plunged into a large cavern.  The
Guardian.

Janeway came to a halt, trying to still her racing heart,
her breathlessness caused by more than just exertion, and
angled her light around the cavern.

It had changed.  Before, the Guardian's cave had
glittered and pulsed like a Christmas tree.  Now the energy
lines in the walls and floor lay dead and still, and the
only light came from their own equipment.  Debris littered
the floor and, in the centre the console was dark and
lifeless.  No computer's voice greeted their arrival and
grey dust hung thickly in the air. 

"Gloomy, isn't it?."  Paris' voice sounded loud in the
silence and everyone jumped.  Everyone but Janeway, whose
gaze did not stir from the central console.  B'Elanna shot
Paris an accusing glare. 

"Must you state the obvious?" she asked acerbically as
she shone her own light around the cavern.

"Usually...Yes."  He looked around, a faint glimmer
lighting his eyes.  "I feel like a tomb robber..."

"Ooh...nice image, Tom.  Thanks so much for brightening
our day..."

The conversation continued, but Janeway ignored them,
stepping slowly around her First Officer to move toward the
console.  Chakotay let her go but followed close behind
her.  Both were forced to tread carefully through the thick
rubble.

"Captain?"  Unlike Paris, the Commander's voice was
hushed. 

"Yes?"  she said absently, not stopping. 

"Are you all right?"  He spoke quietly, so the others
wouldn't hear.

"Fine," she said briefly, moving through the gloom until
she had reached the console.  She carefully set her light
down on it then ran a hand across its dusty surface. 
Meticulously, she brushed away some of the dust and debris.

Chakotay frowned worriedly.  "Captain.  Tell me what's
going on."

She shook her head.  "Something..."  Her voice trailed
off and her gaze was caught by one panel.  It seemed to be
drawing her in, mesmerizing her.  Distant voices echoed
within her mind and she strained to listen.  If she could
just hear what they were saying...everything would make
sense.  She would have the answers she sought.  She was
sure of it...

"Captain!"  Chakotay spoke more harshly. 

She pulled her eyes away with a start and blinked.
"What?"

"You..." he hesitated.  "I thought you were having
another blackout."

"No, I don't think so," she said vacantly, her attention
returning to the console.  "Not here.  Not now.  Maybe
later..."  Her voice trailed off.

"Kathryn...You're scaring me."  It was true.  Alarm was
coursing through him and, for a moment, he debated
signalling Voyager to beam her up immediately.  But he
hesitated...and then it was too late.

The Captain reached out and touched a section of the
console and shuddered as a faint spark arced between her
and the machine.  She stiffened, gasped, and took a hasty
step backward. 

Apprehension shot through him and he reached toward her.
"Captain!"  His voice was sharp now and loud enough for the
the others to hear.  Three heads snapped around even as she
shrugged his hands off with ease, shoving him aside and
moving to the console, her fingers dancing over the dusty
instruments.

"Kathryn, stop!"  The others rushed forward then skidded
to a sudden halt as she reached out, pulled his phaser from
his belt, and aimed it at his heart. 

Chakotay froze.  "Kathryn..."  His voice was hoarse, his
mouth dry.  This wasn't happening... Moving infinitely
slowly, he gestured to the others to remain where they were
then took a cautious step forward.  "Kathryn, listen to
me..." he began again.

"Don't move,"  she kept the phaser aimed on him even as
her free hand returned to the dormant Guardian. "Just stay
where you are.  I don't want to shoot you.  This will only
take a moment."

"What are you doing?"  He had to keep her talking, had to
distract her long enough to seize the weapon...

"I'm finishing what I started."  The voice was Kathryn
Janeway's, but the inflection was not.  The last time he
had heard it, it had been coming from his mouth.  A chill
ran through him.

"Eidolon."  It wasn't a question.  Behind him, Chakotay
could hear the Doctor's tricorder working.  Janeway...or
Eidolon...ignored them both, continuing to adjust more
settings one-handed.  Around them, the cavern brightened
slightly.

"Commander," the Doctor spoke quietly.  "The Captain's
isotronic neutrinos are reaching critical levels.  If we
don't get her to sickbay quickly..."

"There!"  The woman at the console turned away from them
and put the phaser down to use both hands on the
instruments...and Chakotay moved instantly, diving toward
her.  For an instant, a sense of deja vu swept over him --
he had done this once before in this place, had hurtled
himself desperately at his Captain...

...and then his full weight was impacting with hers and
she was flung backwards away from the console...as a wave
of light streamed out from it in a blinding torrent.

"No!" She had time only to scream...before the light hit
them both, going *through* them, and cascading into the
energy lines.  Janeway cried out once more, her body
stiffening as it burned through her, then she went limp
beneath him.  Chakotay started to raise his head...and the
world erupted.  The cavern shook violently as waves of
seismic power went through it, and the light, now pouring
through the energy lines, tripled in intensity.

It was like being caught in the middle of a supernova.
The rest of the away team had time only to shield their
eyes...and then the brilliance permeated the rock itself.
Chakotay caught only a glimpse of the others, framed in
bright radioactive halos before he was shaken like a rag as
the quake grew in force.  More rubble fell from the
cavern's roof and he struggled to protect Janeway, covering
her body with his own.

'We're going to die,' he had time to think...and then the
light blasted open the roof of the cavern and the heavens
exploded.  Rocks and boulders plummeted down from the
ceiling... and Chakotay knew no more.

---

Chakotay awoke in the transporter room on Voyager.  He
was half-suspended between B'Elanna and Paris, their arms
supporting his weight.  He blinked and shook his head,
wincing as the pain hit him.  And then memory returned.
The earthquake...and Kathryn.

He twisted free of their grip, turning to see the Doctor
leaning over the unconscious form of Captain Janeway.  Even
as his heart lurched once, painfully, the hologram was
shouting:  "I said beam us directly to sickbay!"

"Sorry Sir.  The transporters just went offline."  The
Ensign behind the console was working feverishly.  B'Elanna
darted forward.

"Here, let me."  Unceremoniously, she shoved him aside.

"There's no time."  The Doctor flung the words at them,
gathered the unconscious woman in his arms, and headed for
the exit. 

*Follow them.*  Chakotay took a step forward...then
stumbled as the ship rocked violently beneath him. 

"Commander Chakotay to the Bridge."  The voice echoed
over the comlink as another tremor tossed the starship.

Chakotay hesitated for a heartbeat, staring after the
rapidly disappearing Doctor and Janeway.  Then he turned to
Paris, who had moved up beside him.  "Go with them.  And
let me know what...what..."

"I will," Paris only had time to say, and then the
Commander was gone.

---

Chakotay sprinted down the corridor at top speed, which
wasn't terribly fast given the fact that the ship was
shaking beneath him like a leaf in a hurricane.  Plus he
seemed to have twisted his knee at some point in the
cavern.  Nevertheless, he made it to the Bridge in record
time.

"Report!"  He barked as he limped onto the Bridge,
pulling himself into the nearest chair -- it was Janeway's
but he had no time to dwell on that -- as another shockwave
hit them.

Tuvok was clinging to his console with all his Vulcan
strength while trying to adjust the ship's sensors one-
handed.  He had to shout to make himself heard.  "I believe
they are the same energy waves we encountered before but of
much greater magnitude.  We must be almost at their
source."

"Then get us out of here."  Chakotay clung grimly to the
sides of the chair as the ship continued to rock.

"Not possible.  Ship's engines are offline.  Shields are
buckling...Engineering is attempting to compensate..."

Chakotay's jaw tightened.  "On screen.  I want to see
what's out there."

"I'm trying, Sir."  Ensign Kim spoke through gritted
teeth.  "But it's... There!"

An image materialized on the viewscreen...and a stunned
silence descended. 

Energy waves were lashing at the ship as before, but they
weren't what had silenced the crew.  Rather, it was the
immense stream of light and energy coming from the surface
of Anari, streaming toward a point in space near the first
moon...

...where a wormhole was slowly opening.

---

Chakotay and the others caught their breaths...and in
that instant, both the energy waves and the stream of light
from the surface stopped abruptly.  The wormhole remained
unchanged for a few moments longer then it too winked out.
The edges of space around it, however, continued to
shimmer.

Chakotay wasn't sure how many more surprises he could
take today.  A wormhole.  Here.  He swallowed.  Hastily, he
tried to put his thoughts back into some sort of order. 

"Commander."  It was Harry, his voice hushed.  "The
readings...that is..."  He made another effort.  "The
wormhole is still there, Sir.  And it appears to be
stable."

Another, deeper silence fell.  Chakotay leaned forward.
"Are you certain?"

"Yes, Sir."  The Ensign's voice was more assured now.
"At least...this end appears to be completely stable.  And
old.  Sensors indicate it's probably been here for several
thousand years.  At least."

With an effort Chakotay dragged his gaze from the
viewscreen.  "What about the energy waves?"

Tuvok replied.  "They seem to be emanating from the
wormhole itself.  And, given the buildup of power inside
it, I believe they will reappear, with ever-increasing
force."

"When?"  For a moment, Chakotay wasn't sure he wanted to
hear the answer.  The ship wouldn't be able to take much
more of this...

"I would estimate between thirty and forty minutes.
Perhaps less.  And, unfortunately, we cannot move to a safe
distance.  Warp and Impulse engines are offline, weapon
systems are not functioning, and the transporters are still
down.  Shields have fallen to forty percent."

The Commander grimaced.  "We've got to get the engines
and nav systems online before the next wave hits.  Chakotay
to Engineering..."

Another voice over the ship's communicator interrupted
him.  The Doctor.

"Commander Chakotay -- If you're finished tossing the
ship around up there will you please come to sickbay?"

Cold fear washed over him.  "The Captain...?"  For a
moment, his mouth ran dry and fear clawed at him.  Was
she...?

"It will be simpler if you just come."  The comlink went
dead.

In an instant he was on his feet, his injured leg
forgotten.  "Tuvok -- You have the Bridge.  I'll be in
sickbay.  Let me know immediately if anything changes.  And
send Engineering whatever help they need.  I'll be back as
soon as...as soon as I can."

The Vulcan nodded, already away.  Around him, the
crewmembers flung themselves into various tasks despite the
cold sense of dread that now hung over the Bridge.
Chakotay hesitated no longer.  Ignoring the pain in his
leg, he left the Bridge.

---

He shouldn't be doing this, he told himself as he exited
the turbolift and hurried down the corridor toward sickbay.
The ship was in a state of emergency -- his place was on
the Bridge.  In the absence of the Captain, the First
Officer's duty was clear...

No.  Enough of duty.  For this one moment he could set
duty aside.  The ship was in no immediate danger...and he
had to know... If she...

He couldn't even think it.  His mind couldn't even begin
to cope with the possibility...that she might be dead.  He
shuddered and increased his pace.

---

By the time Chakotay entered sickbay, he was sick with
dread.  Unconsciously he braced himself against the news
that...

...that she was alive.  His heart seemed to stop
altogether for an instant, before staggering back into
erratic motion.  She was *alive*. 

She was sitting on the edge of a biobed as the Doctor ran
a tricorder over her, Paris hovering nearby.  She was pale
and bruised, her uniform torn...but she was alive!

Chakotay started to move toward her, his spirit soaring.
And then his steps slowed.  And stopped altogether.  The
cave...Eidolon.  Apprehension replaced the joy.  Her body
lived.  But did *she*?

He must have made a sound for she turned to him...and her
eyes lit.  She said one word only -- his name -- and then
she reached a hand toward him.

It was enough.  This time Chakotay trusted his
instincts...and they were telling him that she *was*
Kathryn Janeway.  Without hesitation, he took the final few
steps to her side, brushing past the Doctor as if he didn't
exist and ignoring Paris.  "Kathryn."  The name was torn
from his throat.  Without thinking about what he was doing,
he pulled her into a desperate embrace, both arms going
tightly around her, trying to reassure himself that she was
real.  Alive.  Here.  "Kathryn," he whispered again into
her hair.

Janeway didn't pull away.  If anything, she pulled him
closer, her own arms encircling him and her heart beating
against his.   She was trembling violently, Chakotay
realized dimly.  He shifted his grip and reached one hand
up to caress her hair.

"I'm still me."   Her words stumbled over each other.
"I'm not Eidolon.  He's gone.  He was never here.  I..."
Undercurrents of fear laced her words.  Fear that he
wouldn't believe her...

"I know.  I believe you."  Chakotay broke the embrace
enough that he could tilt her face up and meet her eyes.
"I believe you, Kathryn."

She inhaled sharply, a myriad of emotions going through
her.  Doubt, worry, apprehension, and finally relief
flickered across her face.  And then some of the tearing
tension left her and she slumped bonelessly in his arms,
her forehead leaning forward to touch his shoulder. 

"I didn't think you would," she breathed, her eyes
closing, "After what happened..."

He ran one hand over the back of her head, smoothing the
hair that had come loose from its ponytail.  "You told me
to trust my instincts.  You were right."

She smiled.  He couldn't see it but somehow knew that she
was smiling.  He bent his head...

...And a voice said acerbically:  "If you are *quite*
finished with my patient, Commander Chakotay, may I please
have her back now?"

Chakotay abruptly released Janeway, who leaned back
against the bed.  Damn.  He had forgotten the Doctor and
Paris... Realizing how much he had just revealed, he turned
to the Lieutenant...who was slowly turning an alarming
shade of purple.  He must have been holding his breath
through the entire scene.  "Lieutenant..."  Chakotay said
sharply.  Paris exhaled sharply, took a rapid gulp of
air...and dissolved into a fit of coughing.

"Yes, Sir?" he managed to croak.

"You can return to the Bridge now," the Commander managed
to say evenly.  Paris nodded, spun around, and bolted from
the room.  The door slid shut behind him.

Janeway twitched slightly.  Chakotay glanced down at her
-- a faint smile was curling at her lips.  Relief shot
through him.  If she was feeling well enough to see the
humour in the situation...

"Are you aware that you've been injured, Commander?"  The
Doctor interrupted his musings.

Actually, he was.  Uncomfortably aware.  His knee seemed
to have stiffened up completely, so much so that movement
was becoming difficult...not to mention excruciating.  He
ignored it.  There were more important things to worry
about after all...

Janeway's smile wavered and she frowned, her gaze going
to his leg.  "Are you...?" she started to say.

"It's nothing," he replied hastily.  "Are *you* all
right?"

"She should be dead."  The Doctor said flatly.

Chakotay blinked.  "Excuse me?"

The hologram turned to Janeway.  "Your neutrinos reached
a critical level about twenty minutes ago," he told her,
"And your brain's chemical patterns have been altered in
such a way that even if you weren't dead, you should be in
agony...or a coma."  He peered more closely at her.  "How
do you feel?"

"Well, I'm not in agony or a coma...but I have felt
better."  She gave him a wan smile.  "The headache is still
there."

"Doctor, just what is going on?"  Chakotay asked
impatiently.

The Doctor's frown deepened.  "I wish I knew.  Something
is obviously keeping her alive but I don't know what.  I
can only guess that it's somehow related to what happened
in the cave."

Chakotay looked down at her.  "So what did happen?"  

She paused.  "This...could be a long story.  But first --
what's happening to the ship?"

Succinctly he told her.  A shadow crossed her eyes as he
mentioned the wormhole, but no surprise -- which only added
to the questions already chasing each other through his
mind.  What was going on?  What had happened in the
Guardian's cave?  And how was Eidolon involved?  He frowned
worriedly.  They had more than enough questions.  And it
was time for some answers...

---

Janeway took a deep breath, brushed a stray lock of hair
back with a hand that shook slightly...then began to speak.

"I'm sorry for pulling a phaser on you in the cave,
Chakotay.  I...wasn't quite myself."  She quickly answered
the question that flickered through his eyes.  "No, I
wasn't taken over again.  Not like before.  But I...I
suppose you could say I was overwhelmed by memories.
Eidolon's memories."

Chakotay leaned against a nearby bed, taking the strain
from his injured leg, but saying nothing to interrupt.  The
Doctor, likewise, listened quietly.

"I know what's been happening to me," Janeway continued.
"Well...most of it, anyway.  Somehow, my...exposure...to
the Guardian...has made things clearer.  It's starting to
make sense."

"What is?"

"Well, first -- Eidolon really is dead."  She didn't miss
the quick look of relief that crossed his face.  "The
Guardian destroyed him three weeks ago.  But somehow...I'm
not sure how...his memories were left behind.  Not all of
them of course, but...the important ones.  And, over the
past few weeks, they've been slowly moving from my
subconscious mind to my conscious one."

"The visions."  It wasn't a question.

She nodded.  "Yes.  I've been...reliving...events from
Eidolon's life.  It's as if he were trying to tell me
something, even though he's dead.  And then, when we were
in the cave and I was...linked...with the Guardian, I
realized what it was."

"Go on."

"I realized...that we were wrong about what happened.
Wrong about...a great many things."  She leaned forward,
staring intensely into her First Officer's eyes.  "Chakotay
-- it's not what we thought."

He frowned and shook his head, not understanding.
Janeway took a deep breath and forged onward.  "I believe
Eidolon was trying to do more than just go home.  I think
he knew about these energy waves, knew what would happen if
they escaped from the wormhole.  And...I think he was
trying to prevent it from happening."

Chakotay couldn't keep the disbelief from his voice.
"Are you saying that the...entity...who stole my body,
kidnapped you, sabotaged the ship, and nearly killed us
both -- was really trying to do something good?"  His voice
rose.

Janeway met his gaze.  "Yes," she said simply.

"I don't believe it."  Chakotay's voice was flat and
unyielding.  "I refuse to believe that Eidolon had anything
beside his own interests at heart.

"I'm not going to defend his methods...but he *did* try
to prevent what's happening now."  Janeway shifted a little
on the bed.

"How?  How could what he did affect *anything*?"

The Captain's eyes closed briefly.  "The Guardian is
linked to the wormhole.  And I think Eidolon planned to use
it to...change the wormhole.  Somehow.  To stop the energy
waves from destroying the planet..."

"Destroying the planet?"  The Doctor repeated.

Janeway nodded then glanced up at Chakotay.  "They're
getting stronger, aren't they?"

He nodded silently. 

"If we don't stop them, they'll destroy not only this
ship, but probably the entire quadrant."

"How do you know?"

"I'm...not sure.  I just do."

Chakotay sighed.  "All right," he said.  "Assuming that
what you say is true -- the Guardian was completely
destroyed in that last cave-in.  How do we stop the energy
waves?"

Janeway rubbed the bridge of her nose.  "I don't know."
She stared past him into the distance, a frown of
concentration on her face.  "I remember trying to reprogram
the Guardian to do...something.  To stop the energy waves
somehow.  And it would have worked if you hadn't tackled
me..."  There was a faint note of accusation in her voice.

"'If I hadn't...?"  His voice trailed off incredulously.
"You pulled a phaser on me.  What was I supposed to do --
let you shoot me?"

"I wouldn't have shot you," she snapped at him.

"Excuse me..."  The Doctor's voice interrupted the
escalating argument.  "I'm sure this is all very
fascinating but do you think we could concentrate on saving
the ship?  I only ask because in our current situation it
just *might* be of interest to the rest of the crew."

He was right.  Janeway looked away, taking a deep breath,
shaking slightly.

A pang went through Chakotay.  He couldn't seem to cope
with the situation, no matter how hard he tried.  One
moment he was holding onto her for dear life; the next he
was quarrelling with her.  And, no matter what she said, he
just couldn't accept that he might have misjudged the
Wraith.  Perhaps she was right -- perhaps he *was* being
blinded by what had happened.  Eidolon had stolen his body.
And hurt her.  Chakotay found that he could forgive the
Wraith for the first much easier than he could the second.
The Commander took a deep, shuddering breath, not sure how
much more of this he could take.

"Fine," he said at last to Janeway, "What do you
suggest?"

She answered immediately.  "I need to go back down..."

"No."

"Absolutely not."  Two voices spoke as one.  The Doctor
put one hand on her shoulder.  "No, Captain.  You're not
going anywhere until I've found a way to decrease your
isotronic neutrinos and stabilize your brain chemistry."

She shot him a look, resisting the urge to try to pull
away.  "I feel fine, Doctor.  Really."  The note of command
was back in her voice.  "And I need to find the rest of the
answers...before it's too late."

The hologram ignored her.  "If memory serves," he said,
"you were relieved of command.  And, even if you weren't,
as Chief Medical Officer, I would order you to remain here.
I don't know what's keeping you alive, but it could stop at
any minute.  And you won't be much use to us if you dropped
dead in the middle of a crisis, will you?"

Janeway scowled then turned to her First Officer.
"Chakotay..." she began.

He looked away.  "He's right.  We need you alive."

"*None* of us will be alive if I don't figure out what's
going on!"

He narrowed his eyes.  She was wearing the same stubborn
expression he had seen so many times before; she wasn't
going to give up so easily this time.  He frowned, trying
to think of a way to keep her here that didn't involve
tying her to the bed or rendering her unconscious.  And
then the answer came to him.  "Fine," he said evenly.  "If
you can walk from one end of sickbay to the other, I'll
beam you and an away team down to the cave.  Otherwise..."
His voice trailed off ominously.

Her chin came up at the challenge.  Without speaking, she
shrugged off the Doctor's hand and climbed to her feet.
All the blood abruptly left her face and she swayed
slightly.  Chakotay had to throttle the impulse to put a
hand out to steady her.  He was trying to prove a point
after all.  Besides, he didn't think she would appreciate
it, given the annoyed glint in her eyes. 

Janeway took a cautious step forward...then another.  In
the end, she managed four strides altogether before her
strength gave out.  Chakotay was already there, catching
her before she could fall and carrying her wordlessly back
to the bed.  He laid her on it gently and brushed a quick
hand over her forehead.  She opened her eyes.  "Damn you,"
she whispered softly but whole-heartedly.

He gave her a small smile, resisting the urge to bend
down and kiss her.  "You can swear at me all you like
later," he promised.  "Right now I'm needed on the Bridge."
He looked up, meeting the Doctor's eyes across the bed.
"Will she be all right?"  Worry coloured his voice.

"If I can stabilize her neutrino levels..."  There was an
element of doubt in his voice; Chakotay's face must have
changed for the Doctor took another look at him then said
reassuringly in his best bedside manner:  "She'll be fine,
Commander."

Chakotay nodded, despite his uncertainty, and looked down
at Janeway, who was staring at him balefully.  "I'll see
that you're kept informed," he told her.  She didn't reply.
He paused, started to say something else, then thought
better of it and turned to go.

"Chakotay."  He halted.

Janeway spoke softly.  "I really *wouldn't* have shot
you, you know."

He gave her a quick, relieved grin.  "I know," he
replied, turning away and limping toward the door.  "At
least, not twice in the same month, right?"  He said over
his shoulder.

She stared after him in consternation.

---

Janeway lay on her side, trying to ignore the waves of
nausea that were crashing over her at regular intervals.
The formula the Doctor had injected her with had left her
feeling more than a little queasy, but he assured her that
it *was* restoring her brain's chemical balance -- albeit
slowly.  He had practically been chortling with glee when
he had finally found the mixture that counteracted...
whatever it was that was happening to her. 

Unfortunately though, his cure required rest and time.
Lots of it.  He wouldn't even allow her to access the
computer in sickbay, threatening to put her in restraints
if necessary to keep her in bed.  He didn't seem to notice
that the enforced inactivity was slowly driving her insane.

Two more series of waves had hit the ship in the last
hour and a half.  Fortunately B'Elanna and her team had
restored the shields enough for Voyager to ride out the
storm but, from what Janeway could gather from the
infrequent communications she had with the Bridge, shields
were down to less than twenty percent.  And Engineering
wasn't sure how much more they could do...

Part of her itched to leap out of bed and sprint down to
Engineering -- to rip the shields apart by hand and rebuild
them herself if required, but she forced herself to remain
still.  Her crew knew what they were doing...and she had
other things to consider.

Such as -- while she seemed to have most of the pieces of
the puzzle now, the picture was still incomplete.  The
wormhole, for example remained tantalizingly enigmatic.
She knew that Eidolon had tried to destroy it, was filled
with the same driving force to complete his task, but she
didn't know why.  She sighed with frustration.  The
wormhole was the key to unlocking this whole mystery...if
she only knew how.

The cave.  That was the answer.  When she had entered the
cave, the memories locked inside her had surfaced --
violently -- fading only when she had been knocked
unconscious.  But they were still inside her...somewhere.
A faint ray of hope swept over her.  Maybe she didn't need
to return to the surface after all...

Then she shuddered.  The thought of consciously reaching
for the visions that had been haunting her, of purposely
*becoming* Eidolon, even for a short time, filled her with
a sense of dread.  Despite what she knew about the Wraith,
she did *not* want to do this.  All those years trapped
alone in space with nothing but memories and grief for
company, insanity clawing at his mind...  No.  She couldn't
do this.

But then again, what choice did she have?  Her ship was
in danger.  Her crew needed her.  Despite her misgivings,
she had to try...

Janeway took a deep breath, banishing the fear and pain,
and focused her mind, allowing it to drift toward the part
of her that was Eidolon.  One last image -- Chakotay's --
flashed across her mind and then...

...It was easier this time.  Whatever had happened to her
in the cave had weakened the barriers between the Wraith's
memories and the pieces of her that were still Kathryn
Janeway.  Fog swirled around the edges of her vision...

...And she was there.  But it was...different.  There was
no flash of light this time, no moment of disorientation.
Instead it was as if she had walked calmly out of her own
life into his, reality changing around her between one
heartbeat and the next...

The world changed as time swept abruptly backwards.
Hundreds...thousands...of years passed by in the blink of
an eye...and the distant past rose up before her.

She was on a...well, ship wasn't the right term.  A...
conveyance, was the best her beleaguered mind could come up
with on short notice.  Shay'anari surrounded her.  But they
were not Wraiths. They were corporeal.  She could see and
touch them, could hear their voices as they spoke...

They were...travelling.  In the wormhole.  Somehow, the
Shay'anari were manipulating and controlling it, forcing it
to take them where they wanted to go.  In the middle of
the...conveyance...a Guardian, smaller in scale than the
one she had seen, pulsed and hummed, streams of light
radiating from its core.  Janeway gasped in wonder.  These
aliens had had the ability to call up and command a
wormhole as easily as she could transport down to a planet.
If she could only discover how they did it, how to
duplicate it...Voyager could return to the Alpha Quadrant.
They could go home...

The narrative continuing to unfold around her despite her
mounting excitement, then recognition jolted suddenly
through her.  The Shay'anari were going home too, she
realized with a start -- returning to Anari after a long
voyage.  But their Anari was not the small brownish-grey
planet she had seen.  Home was somewhere...something...
else.  Something indefinable.  She took a step forward,
trying to see more clearly...

...And there was an accident.  Something went wrong.  The
hum of the Guardian changed; the wormhole twisting around
them like a cobra, trying to break free from their control.
There were voices, hurried movements, fear...

...And they were trapped on the small planet with two
moons.  Trapped in this reality where they were only
wraiths, ghosts who could touch nothing, change nothing...
Anguish, loss, and a surge of homesickness so strong she
thought she would die from it, swept over her...

Time passed.  The Shay'anari discovered how to enter the
bodies of the primitive humanoids on this planet they had
named Anari after their lost homeland; discovered how to
manipulate them as they had manipulated the wormhole; how
to advance their technology; to inject the beings with a
sense of purpose and drive...to build another Guardian to
replace the one that had been damaged...

Years, centuries passed.  Slowly, the Guardian took
shape.  And one Wraith, as they called themselves now,
realized what would happen when it was used; calculated how
the backlash of energy from the Guardian as it seized the
now dormant wormhole and bent it to their will, would sweep
across the planet, destroying the "Hosts" -- and perhaps
all corporeal life... One Wraith tried to prevent it...

...And failed.  Eidolon was tried and convicted, not for
slaying a "Host", although that was the "official" reason,
but for trying to stop them.  They didn't kill him --
perhaps they couldn't.  In the end, they sentenced him to
something much worse -- they left him behind, exiled in
space to years of unending solitude and misery -- while
they triggered the newly-built Guardian and went home...

...And destroyed the planet.  No life remained, save a
few stunted plants and animals.  The green world of Anari
became a dry, arid wasteland...and every man, woman, and
child died in the holocaust...

Eidolon hadn't known this, of course, until he had seized
control of a passing lifeform and returned to the planet,
seeking his people.  And, even though the countless years
of emptiness and grief had destroyed his sanity and filled
him with bitterness, he had still tried to complete his
self-appointed task -- to destroy the wormhole and the
Guardian so it could never be used again...

And failed.  Again.  Despair overwhelmed her...

...and she was in sickbay once more.  It was over.  She
was trembling, Janeway realized distantly, her limbs
shaking so much she probably would have fallen over if she
weren't already laying down.  She took a deep steadying
breath, fighting the twin sensations of anguish and loss
that were sweeping over her, and trying to ignore the
weakness of her limbs.

The Wraiths had sacrificed an entire race.  Millions,
perhaps billions, had died.  Eidolon's memories poured over
her.  The field of flowers, the crowded shimmering city,
Yvara...all gone.  Completely destroyed.  A slow anger,
more potent than anything she had ever experienced before,
began to burn within her.

Janeway opened her eyes and the memories vanished like
mist in the sunlight.  The anger, however, did not.  She
frowned.  "I will destroy the Guardian and the wormhole, no
matter what it takes," she swore silently to herself, "I'll
finish what Eidolon started..."

And, with a start, she realized she knew how to do both.

---

Chakotay was exhausted.  The stresses of the last few
days had taken their toll on him and he had to concentrate
to keep his attention on the task at hand.  That, plus his
injury which had gone beyond pain and was fast approaching
torment, coupled with his almost constant underlying
anxiety about the Captain...and his reserves were almost
gone.

The rest of the crew wasn't in much better shape.  For
the last two hours, they had worked like demons, fighting
the now regular energy waves that battered their ship.  As
soon as they managed to repair one system, another series
of waves would crash over the starship, destroying the
repairs and causing even more damage.  The ship couldn't
take much more.  Actually, Chakotay was mildly astonished
that the remaining shields hadn't buckled long ago.  It
seemed Voyager was as stubborn as her crew.

The Commander crawled out from under the console and
brushed the back of his hand over his forehead, which was
damp with sweat.  Environmental controls had gone down an
hour ago and the temperature on the Bridge had risen
steadily, to the point where they could hardly breathe, let
alone work.  Paradoxically, Engineering was icy cold,
causing even more problems for the beleaguered crew down
there. 

He took a quick glance around the Bridge.  People were
working frantically, replacing burnt out parts and trying
to repair multiple systems at once.  Stray wreaths of smoke
curled around them as the emergency lighting flickered
unsteadily.  Debris littered the Bridge.  It was like a
scene out a nightmare.  Or someone's version of Hell.

"What the...?"  Paris' voice held a note of surprise and
everyone looked up in alarm.  Chakotay took a hasty step
forward, wincing at the pain the movement caused. 

"What?" 

Paris was on his knees before the navigation console,
holding several wires together with his right hand, a nasty
burn across the back of his left.  But it wasn't the injury
he was staring at -- it was the red warning light on the
right side of the panel, blinking quietly.

"The shuttle bay doors just opened.  I think."  He added,
reaching across to bang one fist against the panel.  The
light remained stubbornly on.  Chakotay frowned, moving
toward him, more carefully this time. 

"It's got to be a faulty signal.  Why would the..."

Paris interrupted him.  "The Ticonderoga!  Someone's
piloting it out of the shuttle bay..."

The Bridge stilled as everyone turned to the static-
filled viewscreen and watched as the shuttle swung around
Voyager's bow then set a course for the wormhole.

"What the hell...?  Who...?"  Chakotay stopped,
stiffening as realization flooded through him.  Kathryn. It
had to be.  What the hell did she think she was doing?

"Hail the shuttle."  His words were clipped and terse.
Beside him, Paris hastened to comply.

"Voyager to Ticonderoga."  There was a long silence.

'Answer, damn it,' Chakotay thought savagely, dismay
going through him.  An eternity passed.

Finally, a voice replied.  It was distorted and filled
with static as the ship's communications systems struggled
to filter out the interference, but it was recognizable
just the same.  Captain Janeway.  Multiple pairs of eyes
turned and met each other silently.

"This is the Ticonderoga."

Relief swept over Chakotay but he managed to keep his
tone even.  "Captain...what are you doing?"

"I'm going to destroy the wormhole."

He froze.  The moment stretched into infinity.  Finally
he repeated:  "Destroy the wormhole.  Why?"

"Because it's the only way to stop the energy waves.  And
now that the Guardian's destroyed, this is the only way to
do it."

"What is?"  'Please -- don't let her do what I think
she's going to do,' he prayed silently.  His stomach
muscles tightened.

"I..."  There was a pause.  "This wormhole isn't like
anything we've seen before.  But it *will* collapse...if
there's a big enough explosion."

A wave of unreality assailed Chakotay.  Around him, the
Bridge crew stood frozen in place, tension radiating from
them.  He swallowed once, twice, then said:  "You're going
to fly into it and detonate your engines."  It wasn't a
question.

A pause.  Then:  "Yes."

"Kathryn.  Don't!"

Janeway winced at the note of ragged fear in Chakotay's
voice, and a shaft of pain went through her.  She didn't
want to do this.  Didn't want to have this conversation.
It would have been easier not to reply to Voyager's hail.
She almost hadn't.  But then something inside her had
reached out and flicked on the communicator, and now it was
too late.  She sighed and answered him.  "I'm sorry,
Chakotay.  But it's the only way."

"There are always alternatives."

She shook her head, even though no one could see it.
"Not this time."

It was true.  She had known she was out of options the
moment she awoke from the last vision in sickbay; knew
that, with the Guardian's destruction, this was the only
way.  But it didn't mean she had to like it...

Part of her was still surprised that she had even gotten
this far.  She had managed to slip out of sickbay when the
Doctor wasn't watching, but it had taken all of her
strength and stamina to make it to the shuttle bay
unobserved.  Even now she was holding onto consciousness by
a tenuous thread, waves of pain and dizziness coursing over
her at regular intervals.

Of course, she only had to put up with them for the
next...four minutes and twenty seconds...

"Kathryn...talk to me.  Tell me why you're doing this."
Chakotay's voice came over the communicator again, sounding
slightly blurred from the static.  She bit her lip,
concentrating as she threaded the shuttle through the
increasing turbulence.

"Tell me *why* you have to destroy the wormhole."
Chakotay insisted desperately.

She sighed, unable to ignore the entreaty beneath his
words...and responded.  "The Guardian has been containing
the energy waves within the wormhole for centuries," she
said, her hands moving carefully over the instrument panel.
"But it was critically damaged during the first cave-in
three weeks ago.  There was enough residual power left in
the system to keep the wormhole safe for a while, but it's
gone now.  And the energy waves are escaping into space."

"How do you know?"

"Eidolon's memories.  I...know what really happened."

"Tell me."

He was trying to delay her, she realized, to keep her
talking until they could come up with a way to stop her...
But it didn't matter.  They wouldn't succeed.  And, Janeway
discovered, she wanted to cling to this last vestige of
human contact, for just a little longer...

So she told him.  Hastily, concisely -- everything she
had seen, everything she had learned.  When she finished, a
brief silence fell.  Then:

"All right," Chakotay's voice was as reasonable as he
could make it, "I agree that we need to collapse the
wormhole, but *you* don't have to do this.  Come back to
the ship and we'll explore our options..."

"No.  We're out of time.  The next wave could destroy
Voyager.  I won't let that happen."

"The photon torpedoes..."

"Weapons systems are still down, remember?  And anyway, I
don't think they would be powerful enough.  Only a warp
core breach..."

"Damn it, Kathryn, don't do this!  Give us a chance to
find another way!"

Weariness was clawing at her and her eyes flickered shut
briefly.  "I don't have a choice," she whispered as she
pointed the nose of the shuttle toward the centre of the
wormhole.  Ten more seconds...  "I'm sorry."

The wormhole opened to meet her, a maelstrom of energy
and light.  She squinted a little, angling the shuttle's
shields with one hand...

"Kathryn!"  Raw agony in his voice.

"I love you," she only had time to say before the
wormhole engulfed her.

---

Chakotay stood frozen for less than a heartbeat as the
shuttle vanished...and then he was shouting into the
communicators.  "B'Elanna -- I don't care what it takes --
I need engines *now*!"

In Engineering, Torres launched into a stream of
blistering Klingon curses as she and her crew struggled to
comply.  A frantic few seconds went by...then she hit her
combadge.  "We've got thrusters."

"Not good enough.  I need Impulse.  Do it now, damn it!"

She swore at him again then plunged back into her
engines.  Another pause, and... "Fine.  You've got twenty
seconds worth.  But that's it!"

On the Bridge, Chakotay turned to Paris.  "Take us in..."

"Course already plotted."  Paris' hands fairly danced
over the controls as he turned the ship without benefit of
navigation systems or computers...and sent it plunging
toward the wormhole.

It was like flying an elephant, Paris decided as he
struggled to maintain an even course.  He was trying to
navigate by line of sight alone, relying only on the
blurred viewscreen before him as sweat trickling from his
brow.  Behind him, Kim began to read out verbal course
changes while Chakotay and Tuvok tried to help compensate
for the increased turbulence...

...And then they were in.  Light flared around them and
the ship shuddered.  If the energy pulses had been powerful
before, they were overwhelming now.  Voyager rolled
savagely, the ominous sounds of grinding metal rising to an
unbearable level as the engines died with a last tortured
scream. 

Chakotay grabbed hold of a chair close by where he had
fallen, pulling himself to his knees as the ship continued
to shake around him.  "Where's the shuttle?"  He shouted
over the rising din. 

Ensign Kim was clinging doggedly to his station.  "I
don't know!"  Impatiently he kicked the console and the
sensor readings stabilized for just an instant.  "It's
ahead of us.  And it's still intact!"

"Get a tractor beam on it."

Paris relinquished the now useless navigation panel and,
reached across, trying the controls.  "It's not working."

"Make it work."

Paris gave the Commander a wordless look then dove once
more under the console.

"Chakotay to Engineering."

"What?" Torres snapped.

"We need transporters.  Now."

She let out another string of Klingon curses then started
on Talaxian, Bajoran, and Human oaths as she and the others
fought to get the damaged systems back online. 

She was in the middle of calling Chakotay a flea-ridden
son of a Denebian slime-snake when one of her Engineers
came up with the solution...short term though it was.
Working frantically, they rerouted components and crossed
systems that were never meant to be crossed, and in the
end, they had transporters...Sort of. 

"Torres to Bridge."

"Bridge here."

"Try it."

Chakotay's hands were already flying across the Bridge's
transporters.  He got a lock on the Captain...he hoped...
and, with an inward prayer, engaged the device.

The emergency lighting dimmed as the whine of the
transporters mingled with the howl of the ship.  An
electronic fog began to form...

...and outside, the Ticonderoga detonated.  Radiation and
plasma rained over Voyager as a chain of smaller explosions
swept through the Bridge.  Chakotay staggered and gritted
his teeth, ignoring the destruction around him.  The glow
of the transporters thinned and almost vanished...and then
a shape appeared.  It continued to solidify...and then the
transporters exploded.

Chakotay was thrown backward, colliding with the command
chairs behind him.  His knee, skull, and ribs screamed a
warning at him but he ignored them, pulling himself back up
painfully.  His gaze went automatically to the spot
where...

Janeway lay.  She was laying stretched full length on the
floor nearby.  Unconscious...or dead.  But here.  They had
done it. 

He tore his gaze away and glanced hastily around the
Bridge.  Voyager was falling apart around him.  The scent
of burning filled the air and several bodies lay crumpled
close by -- whose, he couldn't tell.

"Tom -- Get us out of here!"  The shout held more than a
little urgency.

The Lieutenant was clawing his way up from the floor,
clutching his right arm with his left.  He staggered back
to his station...and stopped, one look enough to tell him
that Chakotay was asking the impossible.  The helm was a
scorched mass of components and loose wires.  They weren't
going anywhere.

Paris' eyes met Chakotay's then the Commander looked
away.  The viewscreen, oddly enough, was still functioning.
Outside, the wormhole was unchanged, pulses of light and
colour reflecting off the hull.  Janeway's plan had failed.
The Ticonderoga's destruction hadn't been enough...

Chakotay stiffened as memory came flooding abruptly back.
Eidolon, seizing his body, brutally imprisoning him in some
dark corner of his own mind.  Eidolon, kidnapping the
Captain, dragging them both on his mindless quest to find
and awake the Guardian... And Janeway standing in the cave,
reprogramming the alien computer.  For the first time since
the Wraith had stolen his body, Chakotay allowed himself to
remember...truly remember...what had happened.  And the
answer came flowing fast on the memory's heels.

"Chakotay to Engineering."

Torres' voice when she responded was full of pain.  He
forced himself to ignore that too.  "B'Elanna -- Can you
reconfigure the engines to emit the same type of energy
beam as the Guardian?"

"We don't *have* any Engines," she growled.

"Can you?"  His voice was calmer now.  Live or die...it
would all be decided in the next few seconds.

She sighed.  "I'll get back to you..."  The link went
dead.

Seconds ticked by.  Time slowed down to a crawl, until
Chakotay thought he would surely go mad.  Part of him
wanted to go to Kathryn's side -- she still wasn't moving;
he couldn't even tell if she was breathing -- but there was
no time.  They had only seconds...

...And, just when he was certain that Voyager would tear
herself apart, a new note replaced the rending sound going
through the ship...and a beam of pure energy shot out from
the sensor array. 

Voyager convulsed...

...and the wormhole collapsed.

---

The first thing Chakotay was aware of was warm water,
running down his face.  He reached up a hand, only half-
conscious; it came away sticky.  Blood.

Then remembrance blazed through him and he was fully
awake.  He opened his eyes, blinking as the blood trickled
into them...and looked on Hell.  The Bridge was a shambles.
There was nothing that wasn't broken, burned, or
splintered.  Smoke continued to weave through the air and
the lighting had faded almost completely.  Bodies littered
the deck.

Chakotay reached out a hand to the nearby chair and
numbly pulled himself upright.  For a moment his vision
greyed and blurred, and the ship spun crazily.  Then it
passed and he could see again. 

No more than seconds could have elapsed.  Others around
the Bridge were also beginning to stir, while outside...

Outside, the writhing lights of the wormhole no longer
danced outside the ship.  Instead, cold, clear stars
glittered against a dark backdrop.  They were back in
normal space.  They had done it.

It took several seconds for Chakotay to realize that more
than stars were streaming by.  In the viewscreen, the first
moon of Anari shot by them, then the second.  And ahead,
the planet itself was growing larger with every passing
moment.

Adrenaline flooded through him, going a long way toward
eliminating the lingering disorientation and weakness.
They were out of control and, unless they did something --
soon -- on the verge of crashing.  Once more, the ship
began to shudder violently as it met the atmosphere of
Anari.

Chakotay took two weaving strides forward,
unceremoniously picked up a dazed Tom Paris with one hand,
and deposited him in the pilot's chair.  "Can you fly?"  he
shouted over the rising tumult.

Paris blinked twice then turned to the controls.  "Uh.
Sure."  He reached out with his right arm, winced, then
switched to his left.  "Sure," he said, his voice a little
stronger now.

Around them, the rest of the crew, or at least those
still conscious, were realizing the danger and moving to
what remained of their stations, doing what they could to
stabilize the ship.  It wasn't much.

Chakotay took a quick glance at Paris as the brown planet
continued to grow larger.  The Lieutenant was trying
desperately to fly a dead ship with no engines, no
navigation systems, no computers...and only one functioning
arm.  Chakotay grimaced.  Well, he couldn't do much about
the rest, but he could help him with that.  Staggering
slightly, he took the adjoining seat, reaching for the
instruments Paris couldn't.  Together they fought to gain
control of the ship. 

The next few minutes would forever be engraved in
Chakotay's memory.  The ship plummeted toward the planet as
if drawn by a magnet and the atmosphere buffeted them,
wreaking further havoc on the already damaged systems.
They compensated with thrusters...and the hull's
temperature began to rise.  And then someone in Engineering
must have achieved a miracle for the ship's engines began
to respond sluggishly, enough for Paris and Chakotay to
alter their trajectory slightly...Enough so that, instead
of plowing helplessly into the planet's surface, Voyager
touched down in at least the semblance of a normal landing.
Heavily, with far too much force and velocity, the ship
came to land like an immense, wounded bird and, with a
final groan and a creak of anguished metal, she settled
onto the rust-coloured ground.

It was probably the worst landing in the history of
Starfleet, Chakotay decided as he slowly uncurled his
fingers from the edge of the console.  Still, it was a
landing.  They were still alive.  He hoped.

And then the one thought that had been tearing at him
suddenly became overwhelming.  Chakotay stood carefully,
not heeding the rubble around him and moved across the
crazily tilting Bridge to where Janeway lay motionless next
to the turbolift doors.  Slowly he bent down, convinced
that the top of his skull was going to fall off any minute,
and took her hand.  His fingers curled unsteadily around
her wrist, searching for a pulse with both hands.  A
lifetime passed.  And then he felt it... slow but steady.
She was alive.

Chakotay bowed his head for a moment, too tired to feel
much of anything. let alone relief.  Then, after a lifetime
or two, he re-opened his eyes.  Janeway was staring back up
at him.  She blinked hazily a couple of times and then her
gaze sharpened. 

"Chakotay..." she whispered weakly, her fingers
tightening around his.  A pause, then:  "What have you done
to my ship?"

Absurdly, he had to fight down the urge to laugh.  His
lips curled into a wide smile and, as delayed reaction
swept over him, he pulled her up into a close embrace.  She
stiffened briefly, whether from pain or...something
else...and then her arms came up, tightening around his
neck.  For just a moment, the two most Senior officers on
Voyager held each other as the rest of the crew began to
stir around them.

---
24 HOURS LATER:
---

Voyager sat unmoving in the still morning air, sunlight
glinting on her battered hull.  Janeway watched from the
nearby hillside as her crew moved over and around the ship.
Remembering.

No one had died in the crash...landing...whatever it was,
although there had been numerous injuries and contusions,
not least of which was Tom Paris' broken arm.  Of course,
as the unofficial hero of the day, he was having too much
fun pretending to be modest to pay any attention to his
injury -- although she was sure he would exploit the injury
later to enhance his heroic status. 

A smile crossed Janeway's face -- Torres' meeting with
the Pilot in sickbay had been...emotional...to say the
least.  In front of at least a dozen eyewitnesses,
including Janeway, B'Elanna (who had sustained a concussion
and two cracked ribs during the crash, as it turned out)
had marched into sickbay, seized the startled Paris by the
shirt, kissed him briefly and violently, then swore at him
and hit him on the jaw.  Hard.  Needless to say, she had
gotten his attention...

Janeway's smile widened...then faded abruptly as her gaze
returned to her crippled ship.  She sighed, shifting her
weight on the stony ground.

Voyager would fly again, the Engineering team had
reassured her, but it would take several months of
intensive repairs to get her spaceworthy again.  For the
moment, they were trapped on Anari, as surely as the
Wraiths had been.

Janeway bit her lip.  So much had happened, and she had
had so little time absorb all of it.  At first, when she
had awakened on the Bridge, there had been so much to do --
assess the damage, get the Doctor's program back on line,
care for the wounded...but Janeway had found herself being
unceremoniously bustled off to sickbay with the injured.
She had protested...and her First Officer had curtly told
her she was still relieved of command and had threatened to
do something dire if she didn't listen to him for once.

She had listened...but only because she had still felt
weak as water. 

The Doctor's cure had worked and, after several hours, he
had pronounced her fit to leave sickbay...on the condition
that she do no work for the next forty-eight hours.  So
here she sat, *watching* her crew begin to tackle the
formidable job of repairing the ship.  She sighed again,
her thoughts returning to the events of the past few
days...

Eidolon's memories were fading rapidly.  She no longer
remembered what if felt like to be shot in the back, no
longer experienced the lightning flashes of understanding
she had weathered when there had been two sets of memories
in her mind.  It was as if, now that she had finished his
task for him, the Wraith was slowly fading away, erasing
even the memory of what had happened. 

Janeway tossed a pebble down the hillside, frowning.  She
still didn't know what to think of Eidolon.  He had done...
horrible things.  But he had also stood up to his people
for what he believed in.  Perhaps he had been right, three
weeks ago -- perhaps they did have something in common
after all...

The Shay'anari, on the other hand, had destroyed an
entire world, sacrificed millions, just to go home.
Janeway closed her eyes, remembering her own decision to
destroy the Array...and the faint sense of guilt that had
lingered within her for three years, vanished without a
trace.  The crew of Voyager were nothing like the
Shay'anari.  They were *better*.

With an effort she put the Wraiths out of her mind and
opened her eyes to stare blankly at the ship.  And her
thoughts strayed unbidden to...

Chakotay. 

She had told him she loved him.  In front of everyone.
She couldn't deny it, couldn't pretend she had never said
it... She couldn't pretend, even to herself, that she
hadn't *meant* it... 

She did love him.  She didn't know when it had happened,
couldn't identify the exact moment, the precise day when
she had fallen in love with her First Officer.  It could
have been the moment he first ran his hands over her hair
on New Earth...or perhaps the moment when a surge of
jealously had swept over her as she suspected that he and
Riley had... Hastily she banished that thought.

Her First Officer.  A shiver ran up her spine.  They
certainly didn't cover this sort of thing at Starfleet
Academy.  There was no rule against it...precisely...but
Captain's *didn't* fall in love with crewmembers,
especially their First Officers... They just didn't. 

On the other hand -- they were at least 67 years away
from the closest Starbase.  Who was going to mind?
Certainly not Mark -- she was certain he would have moved
on when he heard she was missing, presumed dead.  She
didn't expect him to wait more than half a century for her.
And...she wasn't sure she even wanted him to.  Wasn't sure
she wanted anything except...

...Chakotay.  Warmth ran through her.  He was...
everything she could ever want.  The best First Officer --
the best friend -- she had ever had -- with so many good
qualities she couldn't even begin to name them.  And...the
man had sex appeal to burn... Memories of the kiss they had
shared on the holodeck...was it only days ago?...seared
through her mind.

It was at that moment, when her rampant imagination was
replaying the kiss, lingering slowly over every sensuous
detail...that a step sounded behind her.  Janeway hastily
twisted around...all but falling over sideways as her legs
refused to unfold themselves...and Chakotay reached out a
hand to steady her. 

She found herself gazing numbly into a pair of dark brown
eyes, his hand on her shoulder and an expression of concern
on his face.  And suddenly it was taking every last bit of
willpower not to fling herself at him...

"Are you all right?" 

"What?"  It came out as a squeak.

His frown deepened.  "Are you all right?" he repeated
worriedly.

"Oh.  Sure.  Yes.  Fine.  How are you?"  Briefly her eyes
closed.  Damn.  From sane adult to gibbering idiot in the
space of a second... She opened her eyes and started again.
"Yes," she said, more steadily.  "I'm fine.  What are you
doing here?"  It came out more accusing than she had
intended.

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably.  "I...was worried about
you.  The Doctor told me where you were.  May I?"  He waved
an arm at the ground beside her.  She nodded dumbly and he
sat, casually pulling his hand away from her shoulder as he
did.  Then he turned away to stare down at the ship,
rubbing his knee absently.  Janeway followed his gaze and
an awkward silence descended.

"We have to talk."  He said it with the air of a man
attending his own funeral.

Janeway nodded.  "Yes."  More silence.  She cast him a
quick furtive look.  For a man who obviously had things on
his mind, he was being very quiet.  Her mind, unbidden,
returned to the kiss.

When Chakotay did break the silence, she had just reached
the point where his hands had been moving slowly across her
body and his...

"Kathryn..."

She jumped violently.  "Huh?"  Another squeak.  He cast
her a questioning glance then continued.

"If the Guardian triggered the initial energy wave that
destroyed the planet, why did it spent the next thousand
years containing the subsequent waves?"

*This* was what he wanted to talk about?  The vision of
the kiss vanished in a puff of logic and she frantically
tried to refocus her mind.

"I'm not sure," she managed to say.  "Self-preservation?
Guilt?  Does it matter?"

"No.  I suppose not."  The conversation staggered to
another halt. 

Finally, Janeway decided she could take no more of this.
Taking a deep breath she turned to face him and said:
"Chakotay -- why did you *really* come up here?"

He stiffened as if she had struck him, still not meeting
her gaze.  "I wanted to know if..."

She interrupted him abruptly, not giving herself a chance
to think about what she was going to say.  "You wanted to
know if what I said over the comlink was true.  You wanted
to know if I loved you."  Her voice shook but she sailed
gallantly on.  "Well...it was.  And I do."

She had never seen anyone look quite so stunned.  If she
had suddenly stripped naked and done a belly dance, he
might have been more surprised...but she doubted it.  A
shell-shocked expression seemed to have taken up permanent
residence on his face.

He also seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.  For a
long moment she watched him slowly turn purple.  She was
just beginning to wonder if she would have to perform mouth
to mouth on him...which was leading her mind off on another
delightful tangent, when he suddenly exhaled, choked, and
coughed.  Janeway waited patiently.

Finally, when he could breathe again he looked up.  A
nervous tremor went through her. 

"Um..." he finally said, "actually I was going to ask how
you were feeling.  If the Doctor's cure...had worked."

"Oh."  Janeway froze then looked away. "I...see.  I..."
She floundered helplessly... For an instant he didn't move,
then he smiled and reached out a hand to brush her cheek.

"But...since you brought the subject up..."

"I...um..."

"Shh," he said softly, then pulled her firmly into his
embrace, whispering her name.  His arms went around her and
his lips sought and met hers.

The kiss started lightly, as if he were afraid she would
break.  And then her fingers moved up to run through his
hair, and his grip tightened, reaction going through him. 

He could have lost her.  So many times during the past
three weeks she could have died, in a hundred different
ways.  But she hadn't.  They hadn't.  She was here.  And
she loved him.  He was trembling, he noticed distantly.
They both were.

Chakotay pulled away slightly and she met his gaze then
hesitatingly moved one hand to lightly trace the outline of
his tattoo.  "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to
do that," she said softly.

A faint smile lit his face.  "Probably as long as I've
wanted to do this..."  He cupped her face with both hands
and kissed her again, more forcefully this time...and
Janeway went up in flames. 

Somehow, over the space of the next few moments, Janeway
found herself being pressed back onto the rocky ground, his
body covering hers and his tongue gently pressing her lips
open.  She didn't resist.  Instead, she arched her back,
drawing his body closer.  Her eyes flickered shut as the
sensations within her continued to build.

She had wanted -- no, *needed* -- this for so long.
Needed him.  Chakotay.  She ran her hands down his back,
savouring the feel of the muscles, the tension knotting his
shoulders.  And then Chakotay's tongue ran briefly along
her lips before plummeting deeply into her mouth.  His left
hand roamed down her side to her hip then back up to her
breast.  The other held her securely in place as if afraid
she was going to try to escape...which she wasn't... 

Janeway's hands wandered over his body, but she was
growing more than a little annoyed with the material in her
way.  The quivering need running through her was turning
into a raging inferno, leaving her weak and shaking.  She
needed him naked.  NOW.  With fingers that trembled, she
reached for the front of his shirt, trying to pull it free.

Chakotay quivered at her touch then responded by moving
even closer, if that were possible.  He pulled his mouth
away long enough to trail fire down her throat, before
returning his mouth to hers, murmuring her name brokenly.

A tremor went through Janeway at the raw urgent need in
his voice.  Part of her wondered dimly at the awkwardness
of their position -- most of his weight was on his elbows
and knees on the rocky ground...there were stones and
pebbles beneath them both...  But Chakotay didn't seem to
mind...and as he touched the sensitive places just below
her ribs, neither did she...

Janeway moaned as he tugged her own shirt loose, running
one hand up under it to caress the bare skin.  "Chakotay,"
she whispered...and then a distant noise penetrated the fog
in her mind.  She frowned, trying to concentrate -- a task
made doubly difficult by the fact that Chakotay's lips had
moved to her left ear while his hand was working miracles
beneath her uniform -- and opened her eyes...

"Not again!" was the first thought that went through her
mind.  The second was "No.  Not now.  Please, not now!"

Standing nearby, Paris, Kes, and Neelix were blocking out
the sunlight, identical expressions on their faces as they
gazed down at their commanding officers.  Janeway gasped
and stiffened.  Chakotay looked up...

"I don't believe it."  He said it out loud, closing his
eyes for just a moment.

Janeway didn't either.  Only days ago, Harry, B'Elanna,
and Tom had walked in on them in the holodeck, finding them
in precisely the same position.  And now...

Damn, damn, and damn!  Janeway started to scramble out
from under her First Officer, her dazed mind already trying
to come up with an explanation -- beyond the obvious -- but
Chakotay caught her wrist, halting her escape.  Instead, he
slowly raised himself off her and climbed to his feet,
reaching a hand down to help her up.  She tugged down her
shirt then climbed to her feet, swaying slightly against
his chest as she did.  His arm went around her to steady
her...and didn't let go.  Janeway found herself imprisoned
in his embrace, unable to step away...  And then he turned
back to the others, still holding her tightly, a determined
expression on his face.

"Yes?"  He said evenly, as if he hadn't just been found
on top of his Captain.  Still, there was a note of menace
in his voice, as if he were daring any of them to say
anything.  Anything at all. 

Nobody did.  A long silence descended.  Paris and Neelix
were both grinning idiotically, while Kes' smile was just
as pleased...but less surprised.  At last the Ocampan woman
spoke.  "Lieutenant Tuvok asked us to come and find you
both.  He wanted to discuss setting up camp while we repair
the ship."

Janeway's chin came up slightly as Chakotay's arm
tightened around her.  "We'll be there in a minute," she
managed to croak, not quite meeting their eyes.  Chakotay
said nothing, dismissal nevertheless radiating from him.

The three crewmembers hesitated for a moment, Paris
looking very much as if he wanted to say something, then
Kes cast the other two a pointed glance and they nodded,
turning to go.  As they walked away, Paris, unable to
resist the impulse, turned and said over his shoulder:  "No
need to hurry, Captain.  We'll just tell Tuvok you've got
your hands full..."  And then he winked at them.  All three
vanished around the rocky path.

Janeway's jaw had dropped open, a flicker of some
emotion...she wasn't sure which...going through her.
Beside her, Chakotay twitched.  She turned to look up at
him, squinting in the bright sunlight...and her suspicions
were confirmed.  He was nobly trying to suppress his mirth.

"Hands full..."  He repeated, a laugh escaping him.

Janeway stared at him balefully.  "It's not funny," she
said.  "You do realize the entire ship will know within the
hour.  Even if Tom doesn't say anything, Neelix certainly
will..."

He sobered quickly.  "Did you want to keep it a secret?"
There was an uncertain note in his voice now.  His arm was
still around her, she noted dimly.

"Well...no.  But...I just..."  She swallowed.  "I don't
know.  I don't know how to deal with this.  Starfleet
protocol doesn't exactly cover situations like this..."

His eyes met hers.  "Kathryn -- I love you.  I'll handle
this any way you want to.  But there's one thing I won't
do."

"What's that?"  It came out as a whisper.

"I won't give you up.  I don't care if we try to keep it
hidden or shout it over the ship's comlink...but I won't
give this up."  And he bent his head and kissed her again.

The strength of the response that surged through her was
overwhelming, but somehow Janeway found the willpower to
end the kiss.  Closing her eyes, she curled her fingers in
his and leaned into his shoulder.  "Well, we can't
broadcast it over the comlink..."  She hesitated and he
stiffened "...because the communication systems are down --
remember?"  Janeway smiled as his brief tension faded.

"On the other hand," she continued, opening her eyes to
glance up at him, noting the faint expression of relief
that crossed his face.  "I'd say it's too late to try to
hide *anything*.  So I suppose the only question is..."
Her voice trailed off.

"What?"  Chakotay couldn't quite hide the alarm in his
voice.

"...is if you're going to escort me to my cabin willingly
or if I'm going to have to make it an order."  Her smile
widened.

He smiled back, that rare grin that always seemed to make
her toes curl...and her breath caught in her throat.  She
loved this man.  Suddenly she felt like bursting into song.

"Can't," Chakotay said succinctly, pulling her closer.
"I relieved you of command, remember?  I'm still in
charge."

She mock-frowned.  "Yes...that's something else I want to
discuss..."

He lifted one hand to run it over her hair.  "So why
don't we discuss it in your cabin...Kathryn?"  He bent his
head... and Janeway promptly forgot whatever she had been
about to say...

Around them, only the cry of a distant bird broke the desert
silence.

---

THE END OF "FULL CIRCLE"
AND THE END OF "THE WRAITHS TRILOGY"