The BLTS Archive- On A Beach by august (appelsini@hotmail.com) --- cApril 1999 Standard disclaimers. And fries with that. If it's an august, it's an angst. You know that, don't complain. --- He seems so genuinely surprised to see me that I don't think he followed me here. If I thought long enough, I might realise that there was disappointment in his eyes. He hadn't wanted me to be here. I turn my head away, I don't want him to see that in my eyes. He asks how my day has been, but I don't think he wants to know. He's edging forth on his toes. He wants to hit the water, and why shouldn't he? A Commander doesn't get much shore leave, he must be frugal with his time. And it's the first shore leave we've had in so long . . . too long. Why should he spend it with me? We talk - politely - for a few moments. But he's edging, and I'm trying and we both know it's not to be. I make some excuse and continue my walk of the beach. I can hear him running on the sand when I turn away. I do not look back. I walk a little along the shore line. It's a beautiful beach, one of the nicest I have been to. One of the Ensigns in maintenance discovered it. After a while, I head back to where I beamed down. Chakotay is still swimming, and I sit and watch him. He joins me, after a while. We sit and watch the sunset. I think that it has been a long time since we have sat together, or even talked. He comments on the same thing. I wish he hadn't. And now he's too close, and I'm too close and it's just so damn easy, you know? We walk along, and my feet are in the water, although it's so clear that if I couldn't feel it, I wouldn't know. We keep walking because if we stop, I would have to think about his hand on my back. So we keep walking. There was a beach party up ahead. Mostly the Voyager crew, I think, although some locals. I stopped, although I don't think I meant to. I didn't want to be around those people today. I didn't want to be me,today. I wonder if he wants to join them, or if he feels an obligation to stay with me. I turn to tell him he doesn't have to, and find he is staring at me. "Let's walk back." He says, and his fingers are just above my elbow. I do not say otherwise. I want him to stay with me. The moon has risen above the sky, and it is shining off the ocean. It shifts and changes as the tide pulls in, and it makes me a little dizzy. He is talking to me, but I don't understand his words. We are standing still, and he is asking me a question. "-alright?" His head is tilted, and I had forgotten that habit. He chews his bottom lip a little, and I want to reach out and touch his face. To tell him not to worry, that this will past. I put my hand out to do that, and his eyes grow wider. My hand stays there, and I look at it. It looks funny, against his skin. Harsh. He steps towards me, and I know that look in his eyes. I acknowledge it as lust, and think that maybe I feel the same. He kisses me, and I realise how long it has been since someone was pressed up against me. He is beautiful underneath the moonlight, and I wish for a moment he could have someone to share it with. He twists my hair around his fingers, as if to lament it's loss. He moves to kiss my shoulder-bone. His lips feel hot against my skin and I put my arm around his neck to drawn him closer. I think he was expecting me to push him away. We stand like that for a while, and I can feel him grow hard against my leg. I am breathing quickly now, and it makes me not want to let go. "Oh." He says, when he pulls back. Not my name, not a declaration of love. Just "Oh." I miss him on my skin already, but I can't tell him that. Instead I take his chin in my hands, and pull him to me. We kiss and it's fast and angry. His hand is on my breast, like a high school kid. I thought that he would want to know why I let him. Why I want him. He doesn't. There is a shout from the party near us. It makes him pull back. I rest my forehead on his chest, breathing quietly. "We can't do this here." I whisper. He stiffens slightly, and then realises what I have said. There is a jetty a little way up the beach. We do not hold hands as we walk there, although when we reach it he takes my hand. He has to stoop a little to go underneath, but we walk into the darkness. I am going to fuck my first officer underneath a jetty on a beach. I thought that he may want to talk; to assure himself of my feelings for him. I never thought that he would just want to bed his Captain,although I am probably not being fair to him for that. The sand rises slightly, so I am lying on a slope. It shifts beneath me andscratches slightly at my skin. He is poised above me, and I can hardly make out his face in the darkness. I think that this is probably better. To say that I ache for him is not a mis-statement, although not in the way you think. His hands on my thighs feel beautiful, because they are hands. It is flesh. Luxuriant, pulsating flesh. I want a back to stroke, a shoulder to bite. He slides over me and I want him around me. "Please." I whisper. He puts his hands on the sand, either side of my head. He is stretched above me and I have to arch up a little to meet him. And then he drops down, and I feel it all. He moves above me, and the sand shifts below me. I am gripping his shoulders and am completely lost in the sensation. He moves fast, and hard. I notice that my hands are white, wrapped around his shoulders as they are. The sand is scratching my back again, but I don't want this to end. It doesn't take long, however, and when I come it makes me shake a little. My fingers are dancing along his neck, and I think that it pushed him over the edge. He lays on top of me for a while before I tell him that we should get dressed. He starts to say something, but stops himself. I am glad, I don't think I could have heard him tonight. He looks around at the jetty and shakes his head. It angers me, a little, but I stay quiet. He offers me his hand and hoists me off the ground. I have sand all over me, and it still scratches at my back. He does not look happy. It's strange, but I never imagined that this was how it would be. --- The End