The BLTS Archive - Trip, Tree, Bark Second in the 1000 Raps series --- Spoilers: Two Days and Two Nights Comments: If anyone would like to borrow any of these aliens, go right ahead. the title is taken with great respect from the expression "Between a tree and bark it's dangerous to poke your finger." I'll try to explain the meaning in the story. the Journal is set right after '1000 Raps', while the rest of the story takes place after the events of 'Vox Sola'. --- JOURNAL OF MALCOLM REED --- No luck finding Hoshi on the Seyhuukien world; it turned out she'd already returned to the Enterprise by the time I arrived at the area she'd been working. And she isn't talking to me now that I'm back on the Enterprise either. I have to find some way to apologize, something to do to make up for everything. But what? But what? --- JOURNAL ENTRY ENDS --- Captain Archer instructed me to escort the Naroob ambassador around the Enterprise. He also told me that, should the ambassador start weaving webs or leaving bits of itself around the ship, to take the ambassador directly to the shuttle bay for it to leave. After the last web-like alien we encountered, I don't blame the captain. A Naroob looks like a cross between a salamander and a snail. I suppose we should be grateful that Naroob don't have slime trails. But they do have a way of walking that I've never seen before. Somewhere between constant stumbling, wheeling around in somersaults, and shuffling...there's the Naroob method. Whumbles, yeah, that's a good word, Ensign Mayweather. "And this is the Mess Hall," I say as I lead the ambassador into the room where we eat. "Very clean," it remarks, and heads over to a plate half-full of food; probably left there by some folks abruptly called to fix something. "Hey Malcolm," Commander Tucker says, following us in. "Gotta talk to you." "I'm listening," I tell him, keeping an eye on the ambassador; I didn't know anyone could vacuum all that food up. "What's going on?" Tucker asks me. "I beg your pardon?" I ask. _Where's this going?_ "I couldn't help noticing how much you've been bothering Hoshi lately," he accuses me. "I haven't bothered her," I respond. Have I? "She's told you, in so many words, to leave her alone. She tried the silent treatment, she's tried avoiding you. What does she have to do--pour coffee down your shorts?" I raise an eyebrow. "My shorts, Commander," I say dryly, "are most assuredly none of your concern." "And Hoshi isn't any of yours." "Were you absent the day your English class discussed paralels?" I ask, half-joking. His hands form into fists. Ooh, getting angry, Commander? "Here's something that's probably never occured to you," Tucker tells me. "Hoshi doesn't like you. She doesn't want you around!" "This is none of your affair," I say to him, as levelly as I can. "And I don't think she wants one with you either." Two seconds later, Commander Tucker is unconcious and lying on the floor. Sorry, Commander, but that remark was most definately over the line. The Naroob ambassador whumbles over and peers at the Commander with all those eyestalks. Half a dozen of the stalks then look up at me. "Courtship?" it asks. "No," I tell it. "Just a disagreement." One of those eyestalks is holding a pencil, and it writes something down. Oh hell. "Woof!" Porthos interupts us. First a few Naroob eyestalks look Porthos' way, then all of them do. Porthos wags his tail, smiling that canine grin of his, and the ambassador wags its own tail back. Fortunately, Porthos has very good reflexes, or he'd be impaled right now...and I'd have to explain to Captain Archer just how a Naroob managed to smuggle a set of darts aboard the Enterprise. Porthos runs off, yipping for all he's worth. "What did you just do?" I ask, as the ambassador starts to eat the darts from the Mess Hall floor. "And why?" "I had wondered when I would be taken to your leader," the ambassador remarks. "That wondering has ended." "But you'd already met Captain Archer," I say. "A sexless creature," this Naroob says dismissively. "Just like everyone else on this ship," With respect, ambassador, my sex life is none of your concern! "...save for the dignitary I have just encountered." "So you tried to kill him?" I have no idea if the raspy sound from the ambassador is its idea of laughter, or what. "Not kill." _Dear Lord, if you're listening, please don't let this guy turn out to be part snail in his reproductive habits._ There's a grumble from Commander Tucker, who's waking up now. "Damn," he swears, then finds he's eye-to-eyes with a Naroob. "Afternoon," he says to the ambassador. "On which planet?" the ambassador replies. "Its just a figure of speech," Tucker replies. "Its how some of us say hello." Just then, Captain Archer's voice over the intercomms asks us to get ready, since we're arriving at the Naroob homeworld. Both myself and the Commander were selected by the Captain for an away mission to this planet. Hoshi came too, but Mr. Tucker deliberately sat between us, striking up a conversation with her. So now, here we are, on a mountainside, surrounded by hundreds of Naroob, and feeling a buffetting wind coming on. The ambassador, being nearest to us, makes it easy for us to see what's going on: the skin all over its tail is splintering, breaking apart...What is visible now, formerly under the tailskin, is a winged animal that spreads those wings and leaves the main body behind. The same thing is happening all over the place on this planet. "A bunch of flying worms," Commander Tucker remarks. Well, I think, it certainly does explain a few things. Some of the Naroob are shooting darts into nearby members of their own species, which helps both of them stay balanced in the winds. Ones not using darts, they keep taking tumbles while their tails are trying to fly away. I leave the Commander and Captain, and go over to where Hoshi's watching it all. "Hoshi," I tell her. She looks at me, but it's unarguably a glare. "I'm sorry." She keeps glaring at me..._This hell of mine, the hell of her never forgiving me is going to be eternal, isn't it?_ ...And then one eyebrow lifts. "Really?" she asks me. --- *the saying "Between a tree and bark it's dangerous to poke your finger" is an 'expression warning one not to get involved in the problems of people who are intimate with each other, such as married couples. Found in 'Perpetua and the Habit of Unhappiness' by Mongo Beti of Cameroon, 1974.' (thanks to the book _AFRICAN PROVERBS AND WISDOM: A Collection for Every Day of the Year, From More Than Forty African Nations_ by Julia Stewart).* --- The End