The BLTS Archive - Dream Lover First in the Dreaming series --- c) 1997 Disclaimer: Paramount owns the rights to every fictional person, place and thing used in this story. No infringement of these rights is intended. Not to be published for profit. Not to be published without this disclaimer. Warning: This story is rated NC-17 for language and explicit m/m sexual content. Do not read if you are under 18 or offended by explicitly depicted sexual situations between members of the same sex. --- Harry deleted the borrowed security codes from his files, and then from the data padd. He checked that the codes had been the only thing filed on the padd and then purged its memory to erase any trace that they'd ever been downloaded onto it. Then he headed for Engineering. "Here you are," Harry waited until B'Elanna noticed him standing in the doorway and then returned the padd to her. "That was quick," she smiled and took it from him. "Hey, I'm nothing if not efficient. Starfleet trained me well." Harry grinned at her. "And now that my logs are safe from the prying eyes of a certain Starfleet lieutenant, I feel a whole lot better. Thanks, B'Elanna. I owe you one." "Don't think I won't collect on it," she assured him with a smile. "For instance, what exactly is in your logs that you don't want Tom to find out about? I didn't know you harboured any guilty secrets, Starfleet." Harry blushed and looked away. "Uh, just . . . stuff," he mumbled. "What kind of stuff?" she pressed. She didn't think he was going to answer, he had gone so quiet. The smile of a few minutes ago had faded to nothing. "Ummm . . . stuff about Tom, of course. Why else would I be worrying about it," he bit his lip and his eyes caught hers reluctantly. B'Elanna's eyes went wide with surprise. She really hadn't expected him to tell her. Maybe confession was good for the soul? She was reading sadness in Harry's face now and she suddenly understood. Remembering recent instances of Harry seemingly watching Tom, she felt she should have guessed. "Harry . . ." she began, but he cut her off. "You can't say anything I haven't already said to myself, B'Elanna," he assured her, with a rueful grin. "It hasn't helped. I know I'm an idiot, but my emotions seem to have a will of their own. I'm just along for the ride." B'Elanna didn't know what to say. It was bad enough that Harry seemed to have fallen for his best friend. But what was even worse, it was Tom Paris, playboy of the Delta Quadrant, and a man who didn't take *anything*, especially emotions, seriously. "Oh, Harry . . ." B'Elanna reached out a hand and placed it on Harry's arm in sympathy. Harry put his hand over it and squeezed. "I'll survive. Don't worry." Then he smiled and forced a note of playfulness into his voice. "Want to try and rob me of some replicator credits tonight at Sandrine's?" "Starfleet, nobody *robs* you of those credits. It's like taking candy from a baby," B'Elanna thankfully let Harry change the subject. "I'll see you there," she assured. --- Harry had been working for weeks on his pet project: a holoprogram version of Tom and Tom's quarters. He had been spending some extra time in Tom's quarters, making mental notes, wanting to get the details right. It was simple enough. He just showed up early when the two of them made plans to do something together. He had been slowly sifting through the downloaded data on Tom, adding most of it to his program. He wanted his creation to be as close to the real thing as possible. He refused to think about all the ethical and moral bridges he was burning. If he thought about it, he'd be horrified at what he was doing; at what he'd allowed himself to become. So he ignored his conscience and concentrated every ounce of energy outside of his daily work to accomplishing his goal: his very own Tom . . . to love. Harry had finally given into his emotions when confronted by B'Elanna. He acknowledged it. He was in love with Tom, his best friend. What he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't seem to help himself. If Tom ever found out about it, he'd have to kill himself. He wouldn't be able to live with the humiliation or the knowledge that he had betrayed that friendship. For now, he'd have to live with the guilt. But at least he'd have a little bit of Tom to love, and pretend to be loved by in return. It was really pathetic, he knew. Right now, he was reading through some of Tom's personal logs before deciding whether they would be useful in his program: --- Log entry: Boy, that B'Elanna is gorgeous. She has the most beautiful body of any woman crewmember on the ship. She and I joined Carey on the holodeck today to run Carey's scubadiving program. We took a boat off the coast of Australia to do some diving on the Great Barrier Reef. I swear the woman had no swimsuit on under her wetsuit. When we jumped in the water, I could see the goosebumps raise up on her bare arms and legs and, by the gods, didn't her nipples stick out, even under the suit, like a couple of hard little pebbles. Shit, I wanted to touch them. I almost did. It was a close thing. She would have broken every bone in my body if I did. Luckily, I remembered that and swam away from her as if a shark was after me. Thank goodness Carey hadn't programmed any *real* sharks. --- It figures. Tom was attracted to B'Elanna, thought Harry. He couldn't be jealous. He liked B'Elanna so much himself. She wasn't his type, but he could see what Tom saw in her. Hell, she *was* an extraordinarily beautiful woman, inside and out. Harry wondered if he could survive it if his two friends started up a relationship together. The thought didn't hurt as much as it could have. Now, did he want to include this memory in *his* Tom's engrams? --- Log entry: I can't figure out why Harry has so much trouble with the ladies. He's intelligent, he's good-looking, he's easy to get along with . . . Hell, most of the women I've talked to think he's sweet. A couple have even mentioned that they wouldn't mind giving him some lessons. Now who'd turn down an offer like that? I sure wouldn't! Jenny said she thought Harry had the sexiest mouth of any man she'd ever met, myself included. I didn't believe her, of course. She likes to pull my chain, trying to make me jealous. Me? Jealous? There's a laugh. But I checked out Harry's mouth today and I've got to admit, that bottom lip is decidedly sensual. It looks soft. Hell, listen to me. I must be getting soft, checking out Harry's mouth. Shit. Must be all that clarinet playing he does. Maybe I should take up the clarinet too? Ha! --- Now *that's* an entry I want to include, Harry thought, downloading the log to the holoprogram files. Well, well. Tom thinks I have a sensual mouth. Who'd have believed it? Harry certainly wouldn't have if he hadn't seen the entry with his own eyes. Harry got up and went to stand in the bathroom in front of the mirror. He wondered if Tom found any other of his features attractive? God, this was going to torment him for the next year. He'd better get back to his holoprogram and forget about the real Tom. Those kinds of thoughts just didn't bear thinking about. --- Tonight was the night. Harry had booked three straight hours on the holodeck to run through the first tests of his holoprogram. It had been tricky getting three consecutive hours so early in the evening. He had had to give up some major replicator credits to Jenny Delaney, the bitch. Trust her to insist on credits rather than just trading for another prime holodeck timeslot. Harry had an hour booked each night for the next week. He would have traded her any of them. Hell, he would have traded all of them. But, no, that didn't suit Her Highness. Well, at least he had gotten it. He was going to have to do the fine tuning on the spot. He was going to have to work under privacy lock. He just hoped he could get it finished tonight. He didn't know when this kind of opportunity would come again. --- The holodeck doors closed behind him. "Computer, engage privacy lock." "Privacy lock engaged," the computer confirmed. "Computer, load and begin holodeck program Kim 3." The room shimmered for a moment and then the recreated furnishings of Tom's quarters appeared around him. Yes, he thought. Perfect. Right down to the mess. He grinned. "Hi, Harry. Wasn't expecting to see you so early." Harry's holodeck version of Tom stepped into the room from the bedroom. He still had on his uniform. Good, Harry thought. Time to check out how close I got him to the real Tom. Test one, coming up. "I thought maybe you'd like me to help you pick out what to wear to Sandrine's tonight?" Harry offered. Tom stopped what he was doing and looked across the room at Harry. He frowned. God, Harry thought, I love that frown. "Harry, are you feeling all right?" Tom asked tentatively, staring at Harry as if he'd taken leave of his senses. Perfect response. Wonderful. This was Tom; or as close as a holodeck program could get. Now, Harry thought, time for Test number two. "Computer, start program subroutine Tom and Harry 1." Tom blinked. "What did you say, Harry love?" Harry grinned. "I said, I thought you might like me to pick out what you wanted to wear tonight." "That would be wonderful, Harry," the slightly altered version of Tom strolled up to Harry with a suggestive swing to his hips. "But are you sure you want to go to Sandrine's tonight?" Tom stopped in front of Harry and placed his palms on Harry's chest. He smoothed the uniform over the muscles under his hands and when his fingertips encountered Harry's hardening nipples, they lingered there, circling, applying the very slightest of pressure. "I'd really prefer a quiet evening here alone with you," Tom's voice dropped to a husky whisper. Harry's knees were trembling. "Okay. Anything you want, Tom," he barely managed. "Thank you, Harry." Tom leaned in to kiss Harry full on the mouth. Harry's gasp was buried under it's passion. By the time Tom pulled back, Harry was breathing heavily. He was stunned out of his mind. Where the hell did *that* come from?! Harry's mind staggered for an answer that wouldn't come. *He* sure hadn't programmed his holo-Tom to kiss like that. Wow! What other little surprises were hiding in the files that Harry hadn't had a chance to check out word for word, but had downloaded in bulk? "Harry, your mouth is so soft. I love kissing you, Harry." Holodeck Tom pulled Harry into his arms and proceeded to kiss him with passion and enthusiasm. Harry could tell that this Tom really enjoyed kissing. Hell, Harry was enjoying it too! When they came up for air the second time Harry murmurred, "Tom, could we move this into the bedroom?" "Oh, Harry, I thought you'd never ask," Harry's new lover chuckled. He pulled a dazed and aroused Harry into the bedroom, where he proceeded to undress the both of them with the minimum of fuss. Only when his hands encountered the final barrier of Harry's briefs did Tom linger. His hands slid inside the briefs to caress the muscles of Harry's ass, then slid around to cup Harry's balls and penis and give them a quick gentle squeeze. He slowly slid hands and briefs down Harry's hips, trailing his fingers over the bones and muscle, down the trembling legs, and drew the garment off first one foot and then the other. Then he knelt back and looked up at Harry silently. Harry was curious as to why Tom was subjecting him to this close scrutiny. He had just started to blush in embarrassment when Tom spoke. "Harry." Tom sighed. "You are so beautiful. Let me make love to you," he pleaded, a warm tender emotion in his eyes. "Oh, God, Tom," Harry could hardly speak. "I'm all yours, you know that. Take me." Holodeck Tom rose and stood in front of Harry. He pulled him into his arms, moulding their bodies together, sighing again at the feel of his lover pressed against him. "Yes," he whispered into Harry's ear as he nuzzled behind it. "Mine. All mine. I love you, Harry." Harry caught his breath on a sob. He had programmed his holodeck recreation of Tom to say that, but he hadn't really known what it would feel like to hear it; to hear it in *that* voice, from *those* lips. "Oh, God, Tom . . ." was all Harry could manage. "Shhhh . . ." The holoprogrammed Tom quieted Harry and pushed him back onto the bed. He made them both comfortable in its narrow confines and then started to caress Harry and kiss his lips tenderly, over and over again. "Everything is going to be okay, Harry. I'm going to love you. I'm going to make you happy." Harry sighed and relaxed back against the mattress. His eyes never left the face of the man leaning over him. This was his dream lover, his fantasy come to life. Everything about him was perfect. Harry reached up and slid his hand into the blond waves. Soft. He gazed raptly into the baby blue eyes. They shone back at him filled with happiness. The wide shoulders bent closer. The soft lips caressed his. An adventurous tongue slid along the contours of his lips. When he sighed, that tongue slipped into his mouth and slid sensuously against his. Harry moaned as heat and arousal poured into his body in waves. The pleasure was so intense, it was as if he'd never felt its like before. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to feeling it. Harry wasn't stupid. Harry wasn't even particularly naive, no matter how the crew chose to perceive him. Harry forced away those stray thoughts that said he was betraying his best friend, that said he was breaking the rules of honourable conduct that Starfleet expected of its officers, that said all he had found here was an extremely sophisticated method of masturbation. He wasn't going to think about that at all . . . if ever. Harry was going to stare into those blue eyes. He was going to keep his hand tangled in those soft locks. He was going to kiss those lips and join with that body and feel every sensuous, exciting moment of their time together in every cell of his body. And somehow, some way, he was going to convince himself it was real. Somehow convince himself that this *was* love; that this *was* what he wanted. Or the shame and guilt of the reality of it all just might destroy him. --- The End