The BLTS Archive - Discussions --- Please note: This story is not for viewing by anyone under the legal age of consent. Disclaimer: Paramount owns full rights to these characters and to the Voyager series. This work is not done for commercial/monetary value. I'm just borrowing a "par" and letting them "mount". =) Warning: This is my first attempt at Treksmut. Story line is somewhat predictable, but then again, so are most Trek episodes. I'd love to get feedback, but remember my TrekSmut cherry has just been popped. Please be gentle! =) Special Thanks: I want to thank my Beta Readers who helped me out with this: Lianne, Robin, and ZorroRojo. They caught some canon problems, as well as helped me tighten up a few sections. Thanks! Oh yeah...Archival: R'rain's is fine. Anyone else...please ask. Thanks. --- "Captain, thank you for coming. I have requested Mr. Tuvok to be here as well." "Doctor, Mr. Tuvok" her slight inclination of the head and formality in greeting did nothing to hide her concern. How is he, Doctor?" "Mr. Paris's condition is unchanged. The physical injuries have been repaired, and there are no signs of permanent damage. However, he remains in an unconscious state, and my efforts to revive him to full consciousness have failed. I can find no signs of injury to his cerebral cortex, or any other area of his brain. Though the techonological level of the planet's inhabitants would make this unlikely, I have also checked and can find no signs of repatterning, implants, or other mind altering changes that may have been made by the Credgians." Tuvok remembered the empty look in Paris's eyes when he found him. Had Tuvok not seen his chest move indicating very shallow breathing, he would have thought him dead. "Is this a coma, Doctor?" "Not quite, Captain. His condition is similar, but his brain wave pattern scans indicate a higher level of brain activity than I would expect in a coma patient. While serious, his injuries would not be indicative of this reaction. I believe this results from mental trauma." Janeway sighed. Once again, she wished that she had taken a counselor on board before embarking on this mission. Chakotay did his best, but was not capable of handling something as serious as this. "What are our options?" "There are two options. The first is to wait for Mr. Paris to recover from his inner struggle on his own. There is no way of knowing how long that will take, or if recovery is even possible." "And the second option?" "That is why I have invited Mr. Tuvok here, Captain." Tuvok had already deduced the reason for his presence. He spoke for the first time since the Captain's arrival in Sickbay. "A mind meld." "Yes, Mr. Tuvok. The other option is for Mr. Tuvok to use his Vulcan mental abilities to enter Mr. Paris's mind and discover the nature of the inner conflict and assist Mr. Paris in overcoming it." "Tuvok?" the Captain asked. Her voice was full of questions, all summed up in one word. "It may be possible. There are risks however." "What kind of risks?" the Captain and the Doctor asked, almost simultaneously. "Mind melds are generally not performed without the party's consent. Especially in an unconscious state, Mr. Paris's mind may see the melding as an unwelcome intrusion, driving his consciousness farther away." "Considering Tom is in this state because of violence, that seems like a significant risk. I am not willing to take that risk, at least not at this time. Doctor, you will have to find another option." Her tone was authoritative, but the sadness was unmistakable. "Captain, there may be an alternative." Tuvok saw the hope gleaming in her eyes. Human emotions changed so swiftly. "I may be able to avoid direct contact with his mind, and instead sense his thoughts, but not interact with them. There is a possibility that I may be able to ascertain the specific cause of Mr. Paris's trauma and current condition. It may provide a key in how he might be fully restored." The Captain paused for a moment. "Tuvok, if you have a light contact established, will you be able to ascertain if a full mind meld is possible?" "That is a possibility." The Captain's face took on the look of absolute conviction. "Tuvok, I can not order you to do this, but..." "There is no need to elaborate, Captain. I will initiate the contact. I will require privacy during my attempt." The Captain smiled, relief evident on her face. "Good. I'll be in my ready room awaiting your report." She turned abruptly and strode out of Sickbay, the door sliding shut behind her. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but Tuvok cut him off. "Computer, deactivate Emergency Medical Hologram." "But..." the Doctor managed to say before he disappeared. Tuvok knew the Doctor would have endless questions, and it was illogical to waste time answering them. Privacy was not as essential as he had led them to believe, but constant questions would have been disruptive. Tuvok moved to stand near the biobed and placed his hands upon Paris's face. Before his time on Voyager, he would never have thought he would have to touch such an undisciplined mind, especially twice. The first was when the Lieutenant was up on murder charges, though that had been light contact limited to a specific area. He hadn't had to really touch Tom's mind, just the small portion where the memories had been implanted. Now, because of injury, there would be no telling what portions he would touch, and how deep the contact would go. He wondered at the probability of this encounter, the chance that it would Paris lying on this table and not another crewmember. Of all those on Voyager, chance had selected Mr. Paris, and Tuvok would have preferred it had been anyone else, again. Tuvok initiated the contact and resisted his impulses to pull away from Paris. Slowly the link was established, though Tuvok felt like he was trying to connect with space itself. There were no thoughts or emotions from Mr. Paris. There was only silence. He knew that the brain wave pattern scans had indicated brain activity, so the absolute stillness should have been impossible. He should have been picking up emotions, base urges, something. This mental quiet was not what he expected, especially from Mr. Paris. "Mr. Paris", Tuvok called out into the blackness. He knew he would have to attempt a deeper link. Mr. Paris had obviously pulled very far into himself. "Mr. Paris." The blackness shifted. He called out again "Mr. Paris" The blackness erupted like a volcano, shooting out arcs of pain, fear and hatred. Tuvok attempted to pull back from the contact, overwhelmed by the violent outpouring, but found himself unable to do so. His senses went into over drive, attempting to discern the cause of his containment. He realized with a shock, as the molten emotions coursed through him, that he was not on the outside of Paris's mind as he thought. He was already inside Paris's mind, and that mind was far more powerful than he ever would have guessed. Paris had engulfed him, and he felt himself being drawn farther within, deeper into the meld. In Sickbay, the EMH was activated by Tuvok's screams. --- Tuvok slowly gained awareness. He had lost himself in the maelstrom of violence that had erupted in Mr. Paris's mind. He opened his eyes. Tuvok was surprised to not find himself in Sickbay as he expected. He was in a strange room, lit only by the embers smoldering in a fireplace and some twinkling lights in the corner. As his eyes adjusted to the low level of lighting, he realized the twinkling lights emanated from a tree. He glanced around and saw the colorful decorations, and realized he was in a room decorated for the Earth holiday known as Christmas. //Why was I moved to the Holodeck? What purpose does a Christmas holodeck program serve?// A boy came running into the room. He looked to be about 6 Earth years old. "Computer, lights to 50%" the boy said, and then noticed Tuvok and froze in his spot. "I'm sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to wake you up." Tuvok replied, "It's okay, Tommy. I was already awake. Why don't you come sit on my lap." Tuvok floated in a sea of confusion. He had spoken, but not what he intended. He had meant to ask the boy who he was, and intended to find out more about this situation. When he spoke, it wasn't even his voice that had answered. Tuvok looked down at himself. Something about his body was different. As Tommy crawled into his lap, Tuvok reached a hand out to help the boy. His hand was white. "Daddy, will you read to me?" The boy shifted in his lap, and Tuvok felt his groin tighten. Or the groin of the body he was in. //No! What is happening here? This can't be happening!// "Daddy?" "Yes, Tommy?" //Tommy? Tom? Tom Paris?// Tuvok realized with frightening clarity just where he was. He was still trapped inside Paris's mind. Paris was reliving his childhood memories, and Tuvok had been forced into the role of his father, somehow viewing the event through his father's eyes. Tuvok felt his erection growing as he heard this body ask "Tommy, would you like to give Daddy a present?" Minutes later, Tuvok began screaming again. --- Janeway looked down on Tuvok after the screams had subsided once again. Tears were streaming down his face. She wondered just what could cause a Vulcan to cry. "There must be a way to break this connection, Doctor. Tuvok has lost control of the situation." "That much is obvious, Captain. Unfortunately, I have no way of breaking a telepathic connection. Perhaps if we had another telepath on board, but we do not have that option." "Can we medicate them or do something to lower their brain functions?" "I don't recommend doing so, Captain. We have no way of knowing what effect that will have upon them during this merged state. Neither Mr. Tuvok or Mr. Paris may return completely from the meld." "I don't like this, Doctor. Find a solution." --- Tuvok curled himself into a ball. He was back in his own body now. He was still trapped, but the memories had receded for a time. He could feel ground beneath him, but nothing else. He had returned to the blackness, or near blackness. It wasn't totally without light; he could see about two meters in each direction before the blackness was total. He knew this was a mental construct, a creation of Paris's mind, but this body, his body, felt real, as real as the other bodies he had inhabited. He had lost count of the rapes he had lived through, all from Admiral Paris's eyes. Tuvok knew it was Paris's father committing those rapes, but couldn't shake the feeling of being involved. He had relived them one after another, feeling each of the Admiral's releases inside the boy. The things he...no, Admiral Paris...had done were unforgivable. The violence, the pleasure, the need. Tuvok felt like he had been raped as well, just by having been forced to experience it. He couldn't imagine it would have been like for the boy Tom Paris had once been. Tuvok cried. His logic had been stripped away from him. He could rationalize that the emotions coursing through him were not his own, belonging to Paris instead, but that did not lessen their impact. The brutality of those acts, the harm he...NO! Admiral Paris!...had done to that boy. He had screamed from inside the cage he had been locked in, the cage of Admiral Paris, screams matching the boy's pained shrieks. Admiral Paris's mind was empty. It was only Tuvok inside the body, but he was powerless to control the events. Tuvok couldn't fathom why Admiral Paris would these things to his son, or any child for that matter. He could only watch...and feel. Even in his own body, Tuvok felt dirty and unclean. He couldn't shake the idea that he had repeatedly molested a young Tom Paris. Tuvok continued weeping, and the mind of Tom Paris took notice. --- Tuvok slowly regained some control of his emotions by doing Vulcan exercises in logic. He did not know if he would ever be able to eliminate these memories, these emotions, but he would try. When Tuvok opened his eyes, he found himself in a strange place again. He had known he was still trapped in Tommy's mind but was still disconcerted by the change. //Tommy?// Emotions surged within Tuvok. //Why did I call him Tommy? His father called him Tommy! I will not be his father!// Tuvok clamped down with his emotional control, shoving that emotion aside until he could deal with it later. He had to dedicate all of his mental resources to escaping Tom's tortured mind. He looked around the small room. The walls were gray and featureless. There was a bed, and a man clearly recognizable as Tom Paris lay upon it, sleeping soundly. As Tuvok walked towards him, he realized that this was another body he couldn't control. His hand reached out to shake Tom's shoulder. "What? What's going on?" Tom muttered through a haze of sleep. "I have a couple of questions for you, Paris." Tom struggled to wake himself fully and then replied "Shoot." "Why shouldn't I kill you? Why should I let you join us?" "Because I'm a damn good pilot and you need one." "How do I know you won't sell us out?" "You don't, I guess. But I'll do whatever it takes to prove it." "I don't think you know how to be loyal, Paris. I don't think you don't know the meaning of the word." "I'll do anything it takes to prove it." "Okay, Paris." Tuvok watched his arm reach out and squeeze Paris's groin cruelly. "Anything?" He could see the pain on Tom's face, but Tuvok knew that Tom had experienced far worse pain. "Take off your clothes and bend over." Tuvok's tortured cries echoed within the body he inhabited. //Not again! Not again!// --- "We have to do something, Doctor! We can't leave them like this!" "Captain, I am at a loss. I don't have any records on how to handle this. A situation like this has never happened before. There are no incidents on file of Vulcans losing control of mind melds. If this has ever happened before, I'm sure the Vulcans don't like the incident to become widely known." Tuvok's screams of "Not again! Not again!" had been loud enough to alert the crew that something was wrong in Sickbay. The rumors were building, and she had no answers to their questions. "Janeway to Chakotay." "Chakotay here, Captain." "Assemble the senior staff in the briefing room. I'll be there in five minutes." "Right away, Captain." --- Tuvok grabbed onto the slim hips in front of him and squeezed. Or at least the body he was in did. Tuvok felt every sensation, felt as if he were this person, but forced to act in ways that were not of his choosing. He tightened his grip, squeezing so hard he knew that bruises would form on the pale skin. He couldn't help but smile. He removed one hand and used it to open his trousers, freeing his stiff cock. The trousers fell and puddled around his ankles. He wasn't wearing any underwear, so his cock was free and throbbing. He took his hand and stroked his cock roughly, pumping it a few times to get it nice and hard. The pale body in front of him shifted slightly and he let go of his cock to slap the glowing ass in front of him. "I told you not to move." He noticed the red hand print already forming on that white ass. His dick drooled at the site. He moved closer, and pushed the head of his cock against Paris's hole. "Don't fight me. It will be easier for you." He pushed in, and Paris screamed as the dry cock began to force its way in. "I didn't use lube so you'd remember me." Tuvok laughed. Or the body he was in laughed. He felt his cock sliding into the ass in front of him, feeling the warmth and tightness surround him. The pleasure was overwhelming. "Damn...you are too dry" he said, pulling out. "Turn around and get me wet." Tom's screams stopped and Tuvok saw his shoulders slump. As he turned around, Tuvok could see the deadness forming in his eyes as Tom lowered his mouth onto his cock. Tom licked and sucked, and Tuvok was lost in the sensations once again. As a Vulcan, he only engaged in any type of intercourse every 7 years, and this repetitive stimulation of his penis, in whatever body, was maddening. He began to want more and more. His cock was slick now, and he heard himself order Paris to bend over again. Tuvok realized he wasn't fighting for control. He wanted to enter Paris again. He just wished it didn't have to be by force. His cock slid in easier this time, and he fucked Tom roughly. Tom screams eventually turned into moans as his body began to respond to the friction. //Most curious// Tuvok thought. //Even under duress, his physical responsiveness causes him to experience pleasure.// Tuvok's sole line of logical thought was ripped away when he felt his balls tightening up. He knew he would orgasm soon. A few more strokes and Tuvok cried out "Paris!" as he filled him with his load. Tom slumped back down onto the bed, sobbing. After a few moments, Tuvok reached out to roll him over so that Tom was face up. His hand slid down grabbed onto Tom's hard cock. "You're pitiful, Paris. You enjoyed that. You get off on being raped." "Not nearly as much as you get off doing the raping, Chakotay." Tuvok screamed again, this time in rage. --- Janeway sat at the conference table, wondering how to begin. One of her dearest friends was in Sickbay alternating between screams, sobs, and moans. Janeway had not missed the erection straining against Tuvok's uniform on her last visit, while he moaned and panted on the biobed. She wondered anew at what could so possess Tuvok; she wondered just what was happening in Paris's mind. Tom was a handful, but he had been coming along, turning himself into a fine officer. She felt like a mother to him, and to see him lying so still on the biobed, looking like death had already claimed him, tore at her heart. He was the son she had never had. She cleared her throat, both to bring herself back to the task at hand as well as to get the attention of the others seated at the table. "As you know, an away team was dispatched to the planet below yesterday. Mr. Tuvok found Lt. Paris injured, and had him beamed directly to sick bay." She paused for a moment. Her eyes found Harry Kim's. She could see the tears brimming in his eyes. One of the rumors moving through the ship was that Paris was dead. It seemed as though Harry expected her to confirm that rumor. "Lt. Paris...Tom, is currently undergoing treatment." Harry's sigh of relief was loud, much louder than the others. "His injuries have been healed." "Can we see him, Captain?" asked a hopeful Harry. The Captain looked at B'Elanna, whom she thought to be Tom's girlfriend. "No, now...isn't a good time for Tom." "Why? You said his injuries were healed." Harry wouldn't let go. //How can I tell him his friend was found nearly dead on the planet? How can I tell him that was Tom was beaten to a pulp? The skin flayed from his back until there was no more? How can I tell him his best friend showed evidence of repeated sexual assault? How can I tell him his friend is lying dead to the world in Sickbay, probably because he can't face the thought of living after such abuse?// "Tom needs time for an emotional recovery as well, Harry. Things were very rough for him on the planet." "What did they do to him, Captain? What did they do?" B'Elanna was screaming, the Klingon rage she had been repressing surfacing full force. "I'll kill them!" "B'Elanna. Sit back down, please." "But Captain!" "B'Elanna, please. Thank you. I know how tough this is for you. I know you are fond of Tom." She took a deep breath. "I am not at liberty to discuss the exact nature of Tom's injuries at this point, nor will I discuss the apparent circumstances on the planet." She could see B'Elanna's face contort into pure outrage. Janeway raised her hand to forestall the objections she knew would be coming. "I'm doing this for his sake, B'Elanna. I'm doing this for Tom." Janeway couldn't stop a tear, feeling it run down her face. Everyone stared at her, watching the tear slide down their Captain's cheek, their objections disappearing. Everyone except Chakotay. "Captain, what of Tuvok? There are rumors spreading through the ship..." "Tuvok..." Janeway was grateful for the transition away from Paris's injuries and condition, Chakotay was becoming a better first officer each day. "Tuvok is assisting in Tom's recovery." "In what way, Captain? There are reports of hearing Tuvok screaming." It was obvious that the idea perplexed her first officer as much as it did her. "The Doctor has erected a sound proof force field around Sickbay, so there should be no further disruption to the ship." Harry looked ready to explode, the pain, the sorrow, the hope, it was all too much for him. "Please Captain," he pleaded, "please tell us what is happening." Janeway sighed again. "Mr. Tuvok has initiated a mind meld to help Tom deal with his time down on the planet." Harry's throat tightened. "It was that bad?" "Worse than I hope you'll ever know, Mr. Kim." She shifted her gaze so that it slid across all of them. "I need you to control the rumor problem on this ship. I will not have the ship further disrupted by this. You are authorized to tell them that Mr. Paris has returned to the ship alive. He is recovering in Sickbay, and Mr. Tuvok is assisting in his recovery. No more. Is that clear?" "Yes, Captain," they responded. "Dismissed." "Captain, if I may have a word with you?" "Of course, Chakotay." After the other officers had left, Chakotay began. "Kathryn, in my capacity as Ship's Counselor..." "No, Chakotay. This is beyond your skills." "But Kathryn..." "No, Chakotay, and that is final." Janeway watched Chakotay leave the room, clearly unhappy. He had never displayed such an interest in Tom's well being before. They weren't the enemies they once had been, but still were not good friends. She was surprised at his reaction. --- Chakotay left the Captain's office, fear creeping up his spine. // What if Tom tells them? He knows better. He knows I'd kill him. But what if Tuvok sees it in his mind?// Chakotay hadn't felt this type of fear in a long time. --- Tuvok had returned to the darkness, his mind filled with the sight of Tom trying to wipe the blood from his ass. Tuvok felt a blinding rage. "I'll kill him!" he shouted to the darkness. "I'll kill him!" Inwardly, Tuvok wanted to kill himself as well. He felt as if he was the one to have done those things to Tom, both as his father and as Chakotay. //Chakotay, you are a dead man!// Tuvok sat down and began his mental exercises again, allowing the coolness of logic to sweep away the heat of his rage. Slowly, he disassociated himself from the actions he had witnessed. He couldn't let go of it, but he could hide it deep within himself and try to purge it later. There was only one emotion left, the emotion he wouldn't fully admit to himself yet...the pleasure of being inside Tom. Tom's scattered mind took notice of the enraged Vulcan calming himself. --- "It has been 36 hours, Doctor." "Captain, I am devoting all my resources to find a solution. I have found a medication that will inhibit Mr. Tuvok's mental ability, but that could be very damaging to both of their minds." "That is unacceptable, Doctor. Keep trying." --- Tuvok sat sobbing in the darkness. He couldn't take much more. He had been inside so many people now that the body-hopping experience didn't even seem odd anymore. He had raped Tom countless times. He had been the prison guard, or rather several of them. He had been an endless stream of prison inmates. He had been Tom's uncle, grinning at the "gift" Admiral Paris had given him for the weekend. He had been Tom's Stellar Cartography teacher at the academy, telling Tom that the Admiral had spoken to him about Tom's failing grade and offered Tom's ass as "extra credit". Over and over again, the rapes continued. Tuvok wondered how Tom had lived this long, through so much abuse. Tuvok surmised that the assault on the planet below had finally shattered Tom's fragile grip on life. Tom had no reason to come back. One of the rapists was on Voyager though. He knew Tom had said he would do "anything" but Chakotay had still raped him. They would come back to make Chakotay pay. Chakotay would suffer for what he had done to Tom. Tuvok still hadn't gotten control of his emotions. The continuing horror of abusing Tom didn't fade. It didn't become commonplace after living it so many times. It was a nightmare. Beyond that, lying just outside Tuvok's conscious awareness was the thought he still wouldn't accept. The thought of how good it felt to slip his cock inside of Tom's ass. He felt it, enjoyed it, and longed to feel it again. He just couldn't accept that he felt that way. Tuvok realized that he wasn't behaving like a Vulcan at all. Everything was a tangled jumble of emotions, even within his own thoughts. He knew that it was a result of being in Tom's tumultuous mind, but he was unnerved by it. His effort at finding logic to explain things was becoming less and less effective. He could find no logic in what the rapists did to Tom. He could find no logic in his own reactions. He shouldn't have reactions. Tuvok was out of control, and had no idea how to get it back. "Tuvok?" Tuvok whirled to see Tom standing about 10 feet away. Somehow there was enough light to see Tom in the inky blackness. He looked like he had when he had been brought up from the planet surface, his body destroyed by violence. "Tom?" "Well, that's new, Tuvok. You've never called me Tom before." Tom tried to sound light and uncaring, but it didn't work. "That was before." "Before you knew." "Yes." "So what now? I won't go back. I can't go back." "I understand." "You won't make me then?" Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps you are unaware that you are in control of this situation? I am unable to return. It is impossible for me to force you to return." "If I let go of you, will you leave me, Tuvok?" Tuvok looked at him, saw the 6 year old boy who innocently sat on his father's lap, the boy he had been before all of this. That boy was reaching out to him now, an emotional appeal to a supposedly unemotional man. He only had one answer. "No, Tom. I won't leave you." --- Slowly, Tom had moved closer as they talked. They talked about the planet first, and what had happened below. Natives had discovered Tom while on a food survey mission. The golden man they found entranced the dark skinned natives. They thought he was a god. When the universal translator had finally deciphered their language, Tom explained that he was only a man, hoping they'd let him leave. The natives refused to believe him, demanding to be shown his power. They had taken his tricorder and phaser when they found him, and even if Tom still had them, the prime directive would have prohibited their use. The natives became angry at his refusals, and exploded into violence. When they were finished, they left him to die. "I couldn't stop them, Tuvok. Just like all the times before. I can't go through that ever again." They sat a few feet apart from each other, talking softly. "I understand, Tom." "You might, a little. I never thought I would say that to you, Tuvok." Tuvok smiled. "Tuvok? You don't smile." "I am doing many things today that I would not have done yesterday." //Like fighting an erection each time my thoughts slip and I remember what it was like to be inside you.// Tom laughed. "I guess I should tell you that I can hear your thoughts, too." Tuvok's eyes grew wide and he looked away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have these thoughts. I don't know what is happening to me. I am not myself." "Don't worry about it. In a way, it's comforting. At least I know you want to be inside me because it feels good, and not because you want to hurt me." "I would never hurt you." "Don't get all mushy on me now, Tuvok. What would the other Vulcans think?" Tuvok laughed. "I guess we just won't tell them." His eyes glinted mischievously. "That's scary. You said that just like I would have." "Probably because I'm inside your mind. You're infecting me." "Are you saying I'm giving you cooties, Tuvok?" Paris couldn't hide his grin. "Cooties? What are cooties?" "Well, I guess I haven't completely corrupted you." --- Janeway sat beside Tuvok's bed, waiting for a sign. Something that would tell her everything would be okay. When she saw Tuvok smile in his 'sleep', she felt better. But then she wondered for the hundredth time just what was happening inside this mind meld. Tuvok had screamed, cried, moaned, gotten an erection, and was now smiling. They were actions she never thought she would see her friend of so many years take. --- Tuvok couldn't explain the way he was casually expressing emotions with Tom. He knew it had to be a result of the mind meld, being within Tom's mind, but he was enjoying it. He was enjoying taking down the walls, letting go of logic, and even laughing. Tom had told him one dirty joke after another, and Tuvok wasn't even disturbed when he didn't need to ask Tom to explain the jokes to him anymore. Their laughs had eventually subsided and a comfortable silence ensued. Tuvok was not surprised to find Tom leaning against him. Tuvok knew Tom was tired, not only from this ordeal, but from his life. He slipped an arm around him and held him, hearing Tom sigh softly and fall asleep. Tuvok held him gently, and waited to see what would happen next. Hours later, Tom woke up. His body no longer showed the signs of the violence he endured on the planet. His arms were wrapped around Tuvok. He looked into Tuvok's eyes and saw kindness there. The walls Tom had kept for so long broke down, and he began crying. His fingers dug into Tuvok's uniform, twisting the fabric. Tuvok sat in silence, letting the younger man relieve himself of the burden he had carried so long. Tuvok wondered how he had managed to hold so much within himself. Tuvok stroked Tom's back as he held him to his chest, feeling Tom's tears moisten his uniform. //So much pain, my love. How did you survive it?// Tom's sobbing stopped. "Do you mean that, Tuvok?" "Mean what, Tom?" "You called me "my love". Do you love me?" Tuvok flushed. He had forgotten Tom could hear everything he thought. "I don't know, Tom. This is all very different for me." "Is there a chance?" Tuvok could hear the hope in Tom's voice. "Tom, I don't know. That is the best answer I have right now." Tuvok saw the hurt look on Tom's face. "Tom, wait. That doesn't mean I don't, it just means I've never felt any of these emotions before, and I'm not sure what they all mean. I think I do love you, but I don't know if I love the little boy you once were, if I love the young man who survived brutality over and over again, or if I love the man who somehow managed to come this far and turn his life around. I feel warmth and affection for all of them, Tom. I want to take away the pain and give you joy. I want to give you so much happiness that you never think of the past again." Tuvok looked up to see Tom's face again. It was filled with wonder and incredulity. "Do you really mean those things, Tuvok, or are you just saying them?" Tuvok's emotions swept him up. How could he feel anything less than love for Tom? He reached up to take Tom's face in his hands and leaned forward. "Yes, I mean them," he said, right before their lips touched. The kiss traveled through them like electricity, stimulating all their nerves. This was unlike any pleasure Tuvok had ever felt before. He broke the kiss to whisper "I love you, Tom." The man Tuvok looked at was beautiful. The pale face was suffused with joy. The final barrier fell, and Tuvok realized he could hear Tom's thoughts as well now. //He loves me! He loves ME!// Tuvok heard Tom think. //Yes, I do.// //Tuvok, promise me you'll never leave me. I couldn't bear it if you left me.// //Never.// Tom leaned in to kiss Tuvok fiercely. Tuvok felt Tom's tongue searching for entrance. //Tom, I don't think this is a good idea. After what I've seen, and all I've felt, I don't think I can do this. After all you have been through, I can't be sure I'll...// //I've never been so sure in my life, Tuvok. I want you. I want you to love me. I want you to make love to me. I want it to be done in love, and not in hate. I need you.// //But...// //Tuvok, don't you get it? You the only one I can feel this way about. You are the only one who I know can control his emotions. I watched you. I thought...I thought you'd be like the others, but you weren't. In my memories, I could feel you inside them, and hear your thoughts. I could hear you begging for it to stop.// Tears were once again trailing down Tom's face. //I thought...I thought you'd act like them. I thought you'd think I deserved it. But you didn't, and after it was over, you cried. You cried for me, cared about me.// Tom's lips moved against Tuvok's again. //I love you, Tuvok. I never thought I'd love anyone, never thought anyone would love me.// Tom's mouth moving across his was sending shivers through his body. Tuvok's logical mind kicked in for a moment, realizing they could communicate without speaking...leaving their mouths free for other things. //Just figured that out, did you? For a Vulcan, you sure are slow,// Tom teased. Tuvok closed his eyes, feeling Tom spread kisses down his jawline and throat. He made no attempt to control his moans. Tom reached his naked chest and began licking a nipple. //Naked? When did we get naked?// Tom chuckled. //We're in my mind, remember? Anything is possible.// Tuvok smiled. //I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.// Tom stopped licking his nipple, much to Tuvok's disappointment. "Do you mean that, Tuvok? Can we stay here? Forever?" "I will stay here as long as you need me, Tom. I do hope that we can return eventually though. We can't hide from life forever." Tom frowned. "If, and I say if, we go back, will you turn into the same old Tuvok? Will your Vulcan logic make you not feel this way for me anymore?" "I don't know. I am obviously being influenced by your mind. Emotions are not part of my life as a Vulcan. I am unsure as to what lasting effects this situation may have. I know that I do not have a desire to give up my feelings for you. It sounds strange to even say those words - 'my feelings'." "So, you are saying the old Tuvok will return," Tom said sadly. "No. After this experience, I will have the memories of these events, the memories of these feelings. I can not help but be changed by the experience." "But will you still love me?" "I may not be as free with my emotions, but I don't think I could ever stop loving you, stop caring for you, stop wanting to be with you. I promised you that I would never leave you, Tom, and I won't. I love you." Tuvok gasped as Tom slid his mouth over his cock. //Oh Tom!// //Those words, Tuvok, you've made me so happy. I suppose that even if you become the old Tuvok again, I'll have at least heard you say them once.// Tuvok felt Tom's hand come up to slide around the base of his cock, pumping in rhythm with Tom's mouth. //Oh yes! Why did Vulcans ever give this up?// Tom's sense of humor chose that moment to display itself. He began humming...a traditional Vulcan ballad. At first, Tuvok laughed. //It's so good to hear you laugh, Tuvok,// Tom thought. A few seconds later, the effect of the humming became clear to Tuvok. //Oh fuck! That feels so good! Please don't stop!// //Cursing now, Mr. Tuvok?// //Yes! Oh fuck yes! Oh Tom! I'm there! I'm there!// His entire body shook with the force of his orgasm. //Tuvok, you taste so good. I never even wondered what a Vulcan would taste like.// //Come up and kiss me so I can taste it too.// //Wonders never cease with you. I never thought you'd be so kinky. I love it.// As Tom slid along his body, Tuvok wrapped his arms around him. He could feel Tom's erection pressing against him, hot and needy. Tom's lips met his own, and he tasted himself there, as there tongues slid along each other. //Like it?// //Hhmm, I think I like it just because it is in your mouth, and I know I like the taste of your mouth.// Their tongues along each other in growing passion, thoughts stilled momentarily by the simple pleasure of kissing. Soon they were pressing their lips together with great need. //Fuck me, Tuvok.// //Tom, I can't. Not after everything I've seen. Everything I've felt. It is too soon. I don't think I can separate the feeling of being inside you this time from all the other times. At least not yet.// Tom looked crushed. His disappointment was clear. //Of course, there is a logical solution.// //Yeah. Logic. There's passion for you.// //Logic does have its advantages, Mr. Paris.// Tuvok used Tom's formal name deliberately. He was somewhat astonished to realize he was teasing Tom. //And what logical advantage do you see in this, *Mr. Tuvok*?// Tom's words dripped with sarcasm. //Logically, there is nothing that would prevent you from fucking *MY* ass instead.// Tuvok said it with no emotion. He noticed Tom's cock start to twitch even before the blond man could form any words. //Oh Gods! Can I? No one's ever let me do that before.// //Take me you big stud.// //Tuvok, you crack me up.// //Stop laughing and fuck me.// //Aye, aye Sir!// Tom lifted and spread the Vulcan's legs, and Tuvok felt the hot skin of Tom's cock pressing against his hole. He felt Tom push harder and suddenly, it was sliding inside him, painlessly. //I thought it would hurt.// //We're in my mind, Tuvok. In real life, the first few minutes can be a real bitch unless you're careful. After that, it starts to feel good.// Tuvok moaned. //I see that we skipped directly to the good stuff.// Tom thrust into him over and over, and Tuvok realized that he'd never felt so complete before. When Tom's hand came around to stroke his hard cock, Tuvok moans increased. //Oh Gods, Tuvok! I love you!// Tom was panting. His thrusts into Tuvok became faster and harder. Tuvok wrapped his legs around Tom, using them to pull his love farther within him. //I never knew it could be like this. Harder, Tom. Fuck me harder.// //Tuvok! I want you to fuck me, too!// //I, oh, oh that feels so good, I don't think that's possible. We are physically, oh yes, incapable of doing...// //Tuvok, we're in my mind. Just think about it, and it will happen.// Tuvok let himself go, feeling his thoughts mingle with Tom's. They let go of the physical limitations together. Tom moaned as he felt Tuvok's cock enter him, sliding in completely on the first stroke. //Oh Tom. I can't tell who's fucking who. I don't know where I end and you begin. How are we doing this?// //Fuck! This feels so incredible! Don't worry about it. Just feel it! Oh my God!// //I'm nearing...// //I know, me too!// They each cried out as they filled the other. Their minds fusing together briefly, exulting in the pleasure of two minds becoming one. --- Tuvok blinked at the harsh light as he opened his eyes. "Mr. Tuvok? I'm glad to see you are recovering." "Doctor?" Tuvok tried to sit up. "Yes. Please remain as you are, Mr. Tuvok. I'd like to run a few scans on you to ensure there are no lasting effects of your ordeal." "What about Tom?" "He revived a few minutes ago as well. You did well, Mr. Tuvok. You brought him back." //Tuvok? Where are you?// //I am here, my love.// //We're back. How come we can still talk like this?// //When we, ummm, finished, we must have created a bond between us. We are still bonded.// //I feel like I should be scared, Tuvok. I was always scared before...of everything. I just tried to hide it. But I'm not afraid right now. I'm not even afraid of Chakotay.// //A result of the bond, I believe. From the bond, you receive a little logic from me to help you with your emotions.// //And what do get from me?// //Other than the erection I'm fighting off right now?// Tom smiled. //You're still with me. You didn't leave me.// --- "Mr. Tuvok, I must insist you wait here in Sickbay until..." "Doctor, I will do no such thing. I have important matters to discuss with Captain Janeway." "Mr. Tuvok, the Captain said she would..." "Computer, deactivate Emergency Medical Hologram." "But..." Tuvok tried to suppress a smile. //You enjoyed that didn't you?// //Yes. I did *enjoy* it. Most curious.// //You'll have to hide it better than that or the Captain will know I've given you cooties.// Tom chuckled again. //You will have to explain cooties to me someday, my love.// The sound of Tom chuckling brought warmth to Tuvok's heart. //Where are you going?// //To give the Captain my report.// //I'll be here waiting for you. I don't dare leave Sickbay. I don't have the rank to do what you just did.// Tom chuckled again. Tuvok deactivated the force field in Sickbay and walked to the exit. The doors slid open to reveal Commander Chakotay, looking rather startled. "Oh, Tuvok. How's Tom? Can I speak with him?" "Tom is recovering, and no, you may not speak with him." "But, I need to..." Chakotay never saw Tuvok's fist coming. --- "Tuvok to Captain Janeway." "Tuvok?" "Yes, Captain. May I speak with you?" "Of course! I'll come to Sickbay immediately." "That will not be necessary, Captain. I am en route to the Bridge. Tuvok out." When the doors to the bridge opened, Tuvok was greeted with smiles first, then astonishment, and then confusion. "Tuvok? What's going on?" "May we speak in your Ready Room, Captain?" "Lead the way, Mr. Tuvok." Janeway watched as Mr. Tuvok walked across the bridge, dragging an unconscious Commander Chakotay behind him. She followed him into her Ready Room and waited for the doors to shut. "What is the meaning of this, Mr. Tuvok? What have you done to Chakotay?" "I wish to place myself on report, Captain. I struck a senior officer." "You hit him?" "Yes, Captain." "Why?" "I suggest you sit down, Captain. The answer may be difficult for you to hear." He paused and gestured towards her chair. When she finally sat down, he continued. "I am aware that you have a close relationship with Commander Chakotay. I do not know the extent of that relationship. However, you should be aware that what I am about to tell you will undoubtedly cause strain on that relationship." "What are you getting at, Tuvok?" "Chakotay sexually assaulted Mr. Paris." "What?" Janeway's face was suffused with horror. "During the commander's time as a Maquis ship captain, Chakotay had what he referred to as a 'loyalty test'. New Maquis were expected to endure being raped by him to prove their loyalty." "Tuvok, this can't be true. Chakotay would never..." "It is true, Captain. I relived the experience in Tom's memories." "Are you sure those memories are accurate?" "I am positive." Captain Janeway slumped into her chair. "Security to my Ready Room." "For which one of us, Captain?" "Right now, for him. I think it would be best to put him out of harm's way. Specifically your harm." Tuvok smiled slightly at the thought of further beating Chakotay. "Tuvok?" "Yes, Captain?" "You just smiled. This behavior is not like you at all. You've hit my first officer, and now you are smiling about it." "There are some residual effects to the mind meld, Captain." "Oh God. You don't have a piece of Tom Paris in you, do you?" //You bet he does! And he's going to get another piece of me tonight!// Tuvok laughed. Captain Janeway looked at him questioningly. "Tom just said something funny, Captain." "You have a telepathic link?" Tuvok nodded. Janeway groaned. Security chose that moment to arrive. "Captain, I recommend a complete investigation, including interviewing the Maquis on board to see if any of them have also experienced Chakotay's 'loyalty test'. He may have done similar things on this ship to StarFleet personnel as well." Janeway cringed. "Very well, Tuvok. Security, please take Commander Chakotay and confine him to his quarters." Security picked up the still unconscious first officer and left the room. "Tuvok, you and I have a great deal to discuss." "Yes, Captain, I believe we do." --- The End