The BLTS Archive- Tears of Pearls by Amiroq. aka Gypzy (fitchett@netaccess.co.nz) --- Disclaimer: Yaya, Paramount owns Trek and we have to rub it in every time we write a story. 'Tears of Pearls' is on the album 'Savage Garden', by Savage Garden. Tears of Pearls, Amiroq. 1999 --- And we stare each other down Like victims in the grind Probing all the weakness And hurt still left behind And we cry The tears of pearls We do it. Oh we do it --- Your eyes were brown. That's what I remember. We stared at each other for ages, trapped in the Underground. It's like... something to do with power. If the other person looks away, you win. You're in control. You weren't in control. I saw it in your eyes, a lot of hurt, and pain, and betrayal. I guess you'd been through a lot before we met. Which would be why you joined the Maquis. I learned later some of the things. Terrible things, they were. And you just shrugged them off as if it were nothing. Rape, murder, blood. You seemed to think it was an ordinary part of life. Maybe it was for you. But it amazed me how calm you were about everything. --- Is love really the tragedy The way you might describe Or would a thousand lovers Still leave you cold inside Make you cry... These tears of pearls --- You grew to trust me, I think, or maybe you just told every stranger about your life. About the times you fell for the wrong person, and every time he would betray you. I almost cried when you said love was nothing but trouble, and I wondered if you would always be this cold. It was scary, I think, for someone as sheltered as me to learn suddenly that Starfleet didn't bring joy to everyone who lived. You told me about the Maquis, and their side of it: Starfleet abandoning them to the Cardassians. The screams, the torture, the murders. Every night, someone dead. Someone raped. Someone's brains spilling out onto the street. And tiny children playing among dead bodies. I had been taught to think of them as the bad guys, but now I wonder. --- All these mixed emotions We keep locked away like stolen pearls Stolen pearl devotions We keep locked away from all the world --- You locked everything away, I think. All of what you saw as bad things, like Pandora's box. Love, happiness, all made people weak, so you kept them locked away like precious jewels that might be stolen. Everyone does it, you said. Everyone has something to hide. For me, it's my gradual loss of innocence. People want to see something pure in this world you'd told me about, the real world, where everything was black. So I kept up the walls and people thought I was sweet. Young. Inexperienced. I didn't like that. So sometimes I'd go and dig out stories -- violence. Murder stories. And stories with sex scenes. I felt I was going crazy, keeping everything locked up. But I kept doing it. --- Your kisses are like pearls So different and so rare But anger stole the jewels away And love has left you bare Made you cry... These tears of pearls --- I remember... the night you came to me. You never said what had happened, but later I found out. Mack Daamen. He'd killed your best friend, and raped you, once when you were thirteen, and you never found out it was him until that night. You'd dated him in the Academy, even, and you never knew. But I didn't know any of that. You wanted someone you could rely on, I think, and that was me. I still remember the taste of your lips on mine, sort of salty, like the sea, or the fish and chips Tom used to eat. I can't help thinking you really must have been something when you *weren't* angry, when you *weren't* jaded about life and the universe and everything. Afterwards you cried, and I remember it was the first time I'd seen you cry. In that moment you seemed so much more human. --- Well I could be the tired joker Pour my heart to get you in Sacrifice my happiness Just so I could win Maybe cry... These tears of pearls --- After that night you didn't want to be that close again. Friends, you said. Friends helping each other out. You didn't want someone so innocent. I think if I told you just how 'innocent' I was, if I told you the truth, tried hard enough, maybe I could get you back. It would ruin my image, destroy my life, betray what everyone thought they knew, but maybe I could. The question is, would it be worth it? I'm reasonably happy now. All I want is you. If I let my dark side out, who knows how people would react? I could lose Tom, the Delanys, all my friends, just for a chance with you, for a chance to be jealous and jaded. --- We twist and turn where angels burn Like fallen soldiers we will learn That once forgotten twice removed Love will be the death The death of you --- People make mistakes. If I let it out, it would be a mistake. Big enough to send me to hell? Is there a hell? A mistake once made can be forgotten. Twice made, it's harder. People get demoted, kicked out of Starfleet for two mistakes. You can lose everything. If I let you fall for me, told you who I really am, and it didn't work out... I don't think I could do that to you. It would be my second mistake. I'd be left with nothing, you'd be left hurt and broken and dying. And I think I can't get you back, and then I remember how beautiful you looked when we first met, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. --- The End