by Qzeebrella
---

Disclaimer: The show and its characters belong to Paramount. No profit is being made from the story below, which is mine.

Captain Proton and the Attack of the Killer Spider People!

Starring: Robert Paris as Captain Proton (Tom)

Jonny Kim Buster Kincaid (Harry)

And Gertrude as Constance Goodheart

Also starring: Tanya Janeway as Queen Arachnia (Captain Janeway)

Kes Neelixa as Linda Kessario (Kes)

Janice Uhura as Sallah M'Benga (Lieutenant Uhura of TOS)

George Zimmerman as the President of Earth (EMH)

And Jacob Dalby as Edgar (Ken Dalby)

And others.

Written and Directed by Q. Zeebrella affectionately known as Qzee who sadly never made a profit from the film.

Movie starts. *** Captain Proton sits behind his desk in his office contemplating recent events on Earth. His secretary Constance Goodheart sits across from him with a notepad in hand as Proton is dictating a letter to her. Ace reporter Buster Kincaid sits in a chair nearby listening intently.

Captain Proton speaks importantly: "Several important people have gone missing within the last few days including an archaeologist Linda Kessario; an Ambassador from Africa to the USSR Sallah M'Benga; and just an hour ago"

Music cue: ba, bum, bum, ba -

"The President of Earth! I, along with my trusted friend and ace reporter Buster Kincaid and my secretary Constance Goodheart are about to go trace the source of the disappearances. All signs point to the Orion belt, which is where we would usually find Dr. Chaotica, this time though, I think we face some other threat. We will do all we can to find the missing people and return them to Earth before whoever is behind the disappearances succeeds in their evil plan!"

Cue Heroic music.

Buster Kincaid: "Captain Proton, what makes you think someone other than Chaotica has done this? I mean if he's the one who usually works near Orion's belt wouldn't it make sense for him to be behind the kidnappings?"

Proton: "Maybe but kidnapping an archaeologist just doesn't seem like him. Especially with the other people who are missing. Whoever did this had a very insidious plan in mind and we need to find out what it is and who did it in order to Save the World!"

Ominous organ music plays and the scene shifts to show a cavern with the missing people ensnared by what looks like spider webbing. Two thugs are holding the President, one who looks amazingly arrogant and yet slimy at the same time. The cavern is shadowy, the walls look like fake rock, and we see the back of an elaborate throne. It slowly turns and we see Queen Arachnia in all her glory, running the index finger of her right hand along the back of a tarantula. She smiles evilly.

Queen Arachnia addresses the prisoners: "No one can save you now."

There are flies buzzing around and a close up of one of them that does not look like your usual housefly. She looks at each prisoner archeologist Kessario in a pith hat and khakis, then M'Benga and smiles predatorily at the President of Earth.

Arachnia: "I have all of the most important leaders of Earth here and I have my trained spiders on Earth, spiders that look no different than the other spiders, but will attack the capital on my signal. I have my ship ready to go to Earth and take out the planet's defenses. Within the week the Earth will be mine!"

Throaty feminine laughter echoed through the cavern as Arachnia sets her tarantula aside. She rises from her throne regally and sashays her way to the president. Each movement sensual and yet menacing at the same time. She raises the finger she petted the tarantula with and traces the President's features.

Queen Arachnia, with a sultry voice: "As for you, if you were to accept your rightful place I would be willing to take you as my consort."

President closes eyes briefly and sways toward Arachnia then steps back as far as the thugs let him.

Edgar the one that looks like Dalby says menacingly: "You aren't about to go anywhere so I wouldn't try anything if I were you."

Arachnia caresses the Presidents face. "All you have to do is give me the codes to disable Earth's defenses, that isn't so hard. Now what is the code?

President: "NO! I won't cooperate with you! For I know that Captain Proton will save us!"

Arachnia laughs, her head tilting back: "You think Captain Proton will stop me?" Bwahahaha! "I have everything planned for and taken care of. Face it baldy, Earth is doomed and since you won't help me you are doomed as well."

Cue: Ominous organ music and evil laughter is heard and the scene changes we first see images of Proton's rocketship then our heroes on board Captain Proton's ship.

Captain Proton is piloting; Buster Kincaid at a TV like screen pushing buttons that make beeping and whirring noises. Constance is sitting on a chair filing her nails.

Buster says: "Captain Proton we are approaching the Orion system there is evidence of radiation on one moon pointing to it being inhabited recently."

Proton announces importantly: "We had better land and see if we can determine who lives here and if they are behind the disappearances."

A hum is heard as we see the ship from the outside descending nose first then tapering off to an airplane like glide before landing rocket platform first. As it descends we barely notice a thread attached to it. The matte painting behind has Stonehenge, distant mountains, boulders the size of a station wagons and some a bit bigger. Some cactus plans and patchy sage grass all in various shades of grey.

Buster is holding a small black rectangular machine that is beeping.

Buster speaks up: "The readings seem to be stronger over toward the rocks." Captain Proton commands: "Okay Miss Goodheart you stay behind us, Buster you fan right, I'll stay left."

We see our heroes walking towards the boulders and the camera pans to activity behind them. Tarantula like creatures the size of German Shepherds are crawling behind them staying out of site of our unwary heroes. Slightly foreboding music plays. The camera shows our heroes closer to the boulders. The tarantulas. Heroes. Tarantulas. Heroes. Tarantulas. Then our heroes right in front of a boulder.

Captain Proton raises a hand and says: "Wait up I see something." He bends down - gratuitous bum shot - Proton picks up what could be mistaken for a fistful of thread.

Proton speaks again: "Buster would you hand me your analyzer please?"

Buster speaks: "Sure Captain Proton." Walks over and gives him the analyzer.

Constance Goodheart starts examining the boulders and getting closer to the far side with every step. The music becomes ominous.

Constance frowns in puzzlement: "Hey Buster would you come here a minute?"

Buster: "Sure, Miss Goodheart." Goes over to her. "How can I help you?" Proton suddenly stands up and strikes a heroic pose, looks over to where his friends are.

Proton: "This is spider web, but not just any spider web its texture and strength indicate - "

Cue music: Da da dum dum -

Proton in slightly echoing effect: "The Killer Spiders of Queen Arachnia!"

We suddenly hear Constance scream in horror and clasp her face (A child actor will later pay tribute to her in the Home Alone Movies). As she sees the tarantulas come out of hiding. Captain Proton runs towards her and Buster just as the spiders encase both Constance and Buster in webbing. Proton draws his gun, but the tarantulas keep Constance and Buster in between them and the captain as they retreat. One of the Tarantula's works its mandible and a gob travels towards Proton. He tries to avoid it, but fails and falls towards the ground struggling against it.

Two of the tarantulas drag Constance the other two Buster towards the mountains.

The scene cuts away to Queen Arachnid's cavern in front of the archaeologist Kessario who is now in a barred prison cell along with the ambassador M'Benga and the President of Earth. The Really Big Tarantulas=99 come into the cavern dragging Buster and Constance with them. Constance is still screaming in horror. Buster with a stoic expression. We see more German Sized tarantulas, dozens of regular sized ones, and the flies again with another close up of the unusual fly.

Queen Arachnid enters the room regally, flouncing, and her right hand dismisses the tarantulas that dragged the two people in.

Queen Arachnid: "Edgar pick up the man, Bob you pick up the screaming woman. And someone please shut her up."

One of the larger spiders shoots a web and it gags Constance's mouth. Edgar the guy that looks like Dalby picks up Buster. Bob, who is the type of person who blends into the crowd and becomes invisible even if there's only one other person in the room, picks up Constance.

Buster: "You won't get away with this Arachnia, Captain Proton will rescue us!"

Arachnia: "Oh will he?" menacing laugh. "Even if he gets here in time he will be no match for my trained tarantulas!"

Arachnia moves seductively over towards Buster, she takes a perfume bottle from a pocket in the right side of her belt and we see her take an eye dropper and place one drop of her on her neck. She turns to Edgar.

Arachnia whispers: "I just placed one drop of my pheromones on me, the scent should make me even more irresistible and cause him to want to tell me everything he knows."

Arachnia goes to Buster: "Darling, if you tell me how Captain Proton's ship works I'll kiss you."

Buster leans toward Arachnia: "The ship - the ship - no can't - can't betray Captain Proton - he's my - friend."

Arachnia draws closer to Buster until there is only an inch of space in between their faces.

Arachnia: "Please, darling." Flutter's eyelashes. "I do so want to kiss you and all you have to do for a kiss is tell me how Captain Proton's ship works."

Buster: "I - uh - I - it works - very well."

Arachnia scratches his face in frustration.

Arachnia yells: "Edgar put this one in with the others. Then take the woman and tie her to a wall we may want a way to persuade Captain Proton should he attempt to come here."

The thug that looks like Dalby does what he's told.

Edgar: "You know you're more trouble than your worth." He roughly throws Buster into the cell.

We then see a mountain and a cave entrance. Proton now awake is standing beside it, holding the analyzer. Proton: "It looks like Buster and Miss Goodheart were taken into here and where they are is likely where all the missing people are. I'll have to be careful when I go in and try to rescue them. But I should succeed for I am Captain Proton!" (echo effect on last two words.)

Cue: Heroic music.

We see Captain Proton enter the cave. Then the scene changes to the prison cell where Buster and the others are talking.

President, in concerned manor: "Will Captain Proton be able to trace you here?"

Buster, with respect and reassurance: "Yes, he will, both I and Miss Goodheart have special tracers hidden on us. Captain Proton will be able to locate them with the analyzer he has. We should see if there is a way for us to get out of here though as that would help Captain Proton." He turns to the ladies. "Hi, I'm Ace Reporter Buster Kincaid."

Goes to shake Linda's hand.

Linda: "I'm Linda Kessario, the archaeologist."

Buster: "Please to meet you ma'am." Turns to ambassador and goes to shake her hand.

Sallah smiles: "I'm Sallah M'Benga Ambassador of Africa to the USSR. I've heard a lot about you and really enjoy your newspaper articles about your adventures with Captain Proton."

Buster smiles and flirts a little: "Well I'm glad you like my writing." Notices her hairdo. "Could I borrow one of your hair pins?"

Sallah with puzzled look: "Yes you may. Why do you want one?"

Buster: "I think I know a way to get us out of here."

Linda: "That would be nice, I'm hoping to get back to my dig in the Amazon soon."

President: "I have always been interested in the Aztecs and the Inca's is your dig near that area?"

Linda smiles at President and starts flirting. "Yes it is." Goes to sit with him on a bunk and we see them touch hands and flirt with each other as they talk. Buster takes the hairpin from Sallah's outstretched hand and goes to the lock of the unguarded jail cell. He bends over and fiddles with lock for awhile. - gratuitous bum shot - He and Sallah are seen flirting with each other.

Scene cuts away to a three minute shot of Captain Proton walking through a tunnel with a fiercely determined expression. And thematic music playing, insects crawling everywhere, water dripping from the stalactites overhead.

Proton: "I'll find a way to rescue Buster and the others! I just have to!"

Scene returns to the cavern with the jail cell. Buster stands up and opens the door. Arachnia and her henchmen come into view.

Arachnia: "You think you can escape? Your more trouble than your worth." Gestures at Edgar. "Kill him Edgar!" She orders in a regal tone.

Edgar: "With pleasure."

He raises his laser gun and we see Captain Proton run in from stage right, with his laser gun pointed at Edgar. He shoots and Edgar falls to the ground. Arachnia runs off to the left, to a control device, one hand raised slightly over the prominent buttons.

Arachnia, menacingly: "With one touch of the top button Constance Goodheart dies." We see a platform pushed into view by the German Shepherd sized tarantulas, Constance still gagged, but eyes wide and pleading. "Now are you going to step aside or is Miss Goodheart going to die!"

Proton, with a significant glance at Constance and a barely noticeable gesture of his hand to Buster: "All right, your highness. We'll do it your way." He throws his gun to the floor. "I don't want anything to happen to Miss Goodheart."

Arachnia withdraws her hand and opens her mouth to speak. Buster tackles her; Proton dives for his gun and shoots the machine destroying it.

Arachnia cries out: "Noooooo! That machine controlled my tarantulas without it they'll go back to their normal behavior!"

Proton: "I know, that's why I destroyed it. Face it Arachnia, your plan is in ruins. Give yourself up and come peacefully and maybe the law will be lenient with you."

Arachnia shouts: "Never!" Executes a really good leg movement and throws off Buster. The other henchman, Bob raises his pistol and points it at Constance.

Bob: "You go save yourself, your highness, I'll keep them here. If they move I'll kill her."

Arachnia with a tear. "Thank you Bob, I'll miss you."

We see her run and enter ship with other flunkies and take off. Leaving Bob and Edgar behind.

Bob stops aiming the pistol at Constance and fires at the roof of the cavern - rocks start to fall. Proton shoots Bob and leaves him unconscious. Proton runs to release Constance from her bonds. Tarantulas start running to the exits.

Proton orders: "Buster get the others to safety, I have Miss Goodheart!"

Buster: "Yes captain." Takes a scanner and after a few beeps heads towards the tunnel Proton came out of. "Follow me."

The President, Linda and Sallah follow him at a run. We see Proton successfully untie Constance and remover her gag, Bob and Edgar unconscious. Another close up at the abnormal fly which lands on Edgar's neck. We see it leave and a raised bump starts to grow and becomes bigger with every second. Proton looks at the unconscious men.

Proton: "I only wish I had time to save them."

More rocks fall and we see a close up of one kill the abnormal fly.

Constance screams.

Proton: "This way Miss Goodheart!" He takes her hand and runs toward the tunnel.

Cut away to: We see another close up of Edgar who now has fly like hairs growing, arms changing to be fly - like.

Scene returns to a few minutes of: shots of Proton and Constance barely outrunning the falling rocks and amongst tarantulas of various sizes. Buster helping people into the rocket ship and going to the flight controls. Proton and Constance run from the cave entrance. Along with tarantulas that pour from the entrance and run towards the right. Constance is still screaming somehow.

Scene cuts away as menacing organ music is heard and we see Arachnia on another elaborate throne on her ship.

Arachnia: "You may have defeated me this time, but when we meet next Captain Proton, I will succeed in taking control of Earth and I will kill Buster Kincaid!" Bwahahaha!

Change of scene shows everyone on ship, Proton now at the flight controls.

Proton: "Prepare for landing everyone."

We see everyone grab hold of arm rests and Buster braces himself. A scene of the spaceship landing on Earth and everyone was getting out. The president turns to Proton.

President: "The people of Earth thank you Captain Proton, how can we ever repay you."

Proton: "No payment is necessary, it's all in a days work for Captain Proton!" The president turns to Linda -

President: "Would you join me my dear and tell me more about your dig?"

Linda: "I would be delighted."

The scene cuts away to the cavern and we see a pile of rocks moving. Suddenly a creature crawls up and stands on two feet. Wearing the clothes last seen on Edgar but looking a lot like a fly with two sets of arms ending in hands but covered with hair, compound eyes. It goes over to a mirror and looks at himself.

Edgar buzzes: "I'll get you Captain Proton for this! And you too Arachnia for abandoning me. I swear I will get vengeance and from this day forth I shall be known as Insectia!" Evil and insane laughter is heard.

The scene returns to Earth and we see Buster and Sallah kissing. When they break the kiss Sallah smiles at Buster.

Sallah: "I'll miss you Buster."

Buster: "I'll miss you too, Sallah. I hope we meet again one day."

He turns to join Proton who is waiting for him with an indulgent smile.

Proton: "Good work Buster!" We see Proton place hand around Buster's shoulder. "I'm glad I have you by my side."

We see them walk off into the setting sun, Proton's hand still around Buster's shoulder. And then a close up of them kissing for just a few moments.

The words "To Be Continued next time in Captain Proton and the Revenge of Insectia!"

Roll credits.

"This film was sponsored by Talaxian Soap, remember with daily use it will make your life seem brighter."

In small print, "no tarantulas were harmed in the making of this movie, however one fly was killed."

---

End