by Nikita
---

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all characters, technology, plots, etc. belong to Paramount. This Fanfic is for entertainment only, no profit is being made on it.

Warning: Slash. This means m/m romance, relationship, sex. Reader Discretion advised.

---

Harry strode down the deck heading to Tom's cabin. He had been on an away mission for several days and had just gotten back that morning. Finishing his debriefing and grabbing some lunch, the ensign was in search of his best friend for company while shooting some pool and relaxing.

Reaching Tom's door, it opened automatically as Tom had long since programmed it to recognize him and open. As he strode through the door, he called out, "To--augh!" Harry was attacked by a leaping form dressed in red silk.

"Oooh! Sorry Harry," B'Elanna embarrassedly chuckled. "I thought you were Tom."

"Oh. Obviously. I - I was just coming to see if he wanted to join me to Sandrine's. I didn't mean to interrupt anything - excuse me!" Harry stuttered and jabbered as quickly as possible and ran out the door leaving a startled B'Elanna staring after him as the door closed. She then shrugged and walked back to her hiding place and crouched ready to leap on her intended target who should be off duty and home any minute. . .

---

Harry practically ran back to his quarters as he furiously thought to himself, 'of course they were together now. I've only been gone four days and he has B'Elanna living in his quarters. How could he. . . ' Harry flopped onto his bed, tears streaming down his reddened face. After a few moments he calmed down enough to think clearly again. 'What the hell was that? Why am I so angry? I've never told him how I feel. He is completely straight and I've known he wanted B'Elanna for a long time. I should be happy. Oh, and now I acted so stupid just now. At least everyone still thinks of me as a naive little ensign, B'el probably just thinks I was embarrassed and feeling awkward. Not jealous as hell!'

Harry took several deep cleansing breaths and spent the rest of the evening in his quarters preparing himself mentally for the next day. Tom was sure to rib him about this little fiasco over breakfast. He needed to be prepared for it. He resolved to be a good buddy and be supportive and never ever tell him how hollow he felt inside. Maybe he could move on now that Tom was unavailable. Yeah, suuure. . . .

---
The Next Morning. . .

"Hey, Harry. Been tackled by any chicks lately?" Tom grinned over his tray of. . . whatever it was Neelix called breakfast today.

Harry sighed and gave Tom a weak grin. "No, but you look like you have." Tom was sporting a decent sized love bite 'just' above the neck of his uniform.

"Yeah, B'el can be quite. . . enthusiastic when the warp core is working in tip top condition. She worked so hard I thought she'd be tired. . . guess I was wrong." Tom hummed happily as he dug into his food, but then stopped and grimaced when he got a good look at the junk on his fork halfway to his mouth. "Ugh, should have known Nelix would find something even more disgusting to cook. It gets worse every day." Shoving his plate aside he looked closer at Harry. He was studiously dividing his food into little piles of equal proportions and completely avoiding Tom's gaze.

"Hey, I'm sorry we couldn't hang out last night. Maybe tonight we could. . . " Tom's communicator beeped and B'el informed him that she had something 'very' important to discuss tonight in his quarters and not to forget. Her seductive growl made Tom forget all about Harry as he closed the line and headed off to the bridge. Harry watched him go.

"Yeah, sure, Tom. . . see ya around."

---

It wasn't as if Tom completely forgot Harry. He made time for him when he could. Usually when B'el was busy with her engines or on a mission. Sometimes Tom and B'Elanna would fight and Tom would come slouching to Harry's door seeking comfort and a sympathetic ear. But, he also was there for Harry when Harry was injured on an away mission. He visited him in sickbay and brought him some vids and novels to read when he was recuperating in his cabin. He even went so far as to tuck him in one night when Harry was so exhausted he fell asleep in the middle of a vid they were watching together. And when news came that a new worm hole was discovered that would get them home, Tom immediately grabbed Harry's hand after shift and they raced to join B'el in Sandrine's with many of the rest of the crew to celebrate.

---

Tom was happy. He and B'el had married and she was pregnant with a little girl. As they came to stop at DS9 for a huge welcome home celebration, he looked around for Harry. He was concerned about Harry. He'd been distant and polite for a long time now. Still friends, but Harry seemed to be distancing himself from many people on Voyager. He'd mentioned going to visit his parents during his extended shore leave before he needed to report back for new assignment.

As Tom asked around he found Harry had skipped out on the press conference and the celebration and had caught the first shuttle home to Earth. Tom frowned, then decided that Harry was just too excited about seeing his family and forgot to say goodbye. He could understand, he had a family now and he wanted to be with them now, too.<

---
Five Years Later:

Harry sighed as he peeled off his uniform. He was a Lieutenant Commander now on board the U.S.S. Hood, he liked the ship and his new responsibilities, but found life after work hours boring as hell. The people weren't boring themselves, they just. . . they just weren't Tom.

Tom was on board the U.S.S. Yorktown as First Officer. A huge promotion and honor that Tom had earned, but that he insisted he owed all to Janeway. She had completely changed Starfleet's view of Tom Paris. She'd opened up the files that showed Tom hadn't submitted the first report on Calidek Prime while lucid. Doped up on drugs, recovering from a traumatic accident, he hadn't been in his right mind. By coming forth with the truth afterwards, he also showed integrity.

Starfleet ruled that he shouldn't have been dismissed. And then she proved how hard he had worked and the sacrifices he had made on board Voyager to save her and the crew time and time again. Starfleet decided to honor Tom's field commission and Tom was pardoned along with the rest of the ex-Maquis. Tom was so grateful to his former captain that he had named his daughter after her: Kate Marie Paris. B'Elanna had included a Klingon name to Kate's formal name, but no one could pronounce it, so they just left it off.

Yes, Harry knew all about the things going on in Tom's life. Even though he hadn't seen him since Voyager docked at DS9. He'd avoided Tom's coms and never responded to his letters with more than "Doing fine, very busy. How are you and your family? Will visit when I can, Harry."

Tom's correspondence had turned more and more angry and confused until finally he just stopped trying. Harry was both relieved and saddened. He knew he was being a bastard, but it hurt too much to see Tom and his happy and perfect family. Really, he was doing the best he could. He'd see Tom when the hurt faded away.

Harry turned to his computer screen and checked his mail. As he skimmed through the mail he found a message from Admiral Janeway.

Lieutenant Commander Harry Kim:

Harry,

I don't know if you have heard from others. If not, I regret to inform you of a recent tragedy.

Harry's stomach heaved and he struggled to finish reading the message. He had a terrible feeling that he had been a stupid fool and would never be able to fix his horrendous mistake of cutting Tom out of his life. He gulped down some air and strained to read the words that were starting to swim in his vision. -

The Paris family suffered an accident in their shuttle yesterday as Tom attempted to avoid a drunk pilot in a larger shuttle that had a faulty automated driving function. Tom's reflexes were very fast and prevented the accident from being far worse than security says could have happened, but it was impossible to avoid collision and B'Elanna was killed on impact, Tom and Kate were severely injured and are in critical condition at the Central San Francisco Hospital. They were on a vacation and celebrating B'Elanna's recent pregnancy. The unborn child did not survive.

Oh, Harry I am sorry that this message is so cold, but I find it hard to write such a tragedy on a blank screen. I know that you would most likely want to come and visit Tom. I have arranged for leave with your Captain and will be effective as you read this message. I will see you at the hospital as soon as you can arrive.

Kathryn

Admiral K. Janeway

Starfleet Headquarters

Harry was numb all over. He sat down on his couch stunned.

B'el dead, her baby dead. Tom and Kate injured, critical condition. San Francisco Hospital. On leave. Meet Janeway there.

Fragmented thoughts circled Harry's head as he tried to make sense of them. Of course he had to go to Tom. But would Tom want to see him? Hell, he may die. I may never see him again. He needs me, even if he hates me now. I'll go and see if I can help. I'll try, it's the least I can do.

Harry started packing.

---

Beep, beep, beep. Whoosh. Beep.

The sounds of the hospital were grating on Harry's nerves as he waited anxiously by Tom's bedside. He'd been there for two hours and Tom hadn't woken up, yet. The doctors had said that Tom was in and out of consciousness, which was and wasn't a good sign: a good sign since he wasn't in a coma, a bad sign that he wasn't able to stay awake for any period of time. They said he needed friends and family to provide support and give him the will to live since he'd be very upset when he learned about his wife and unborn child.

'Upset, he'll be upset? He'll be heart broken. He loved her so much. And the child. God, at least Kate was alive. She was recuperating much faster than her father. Harry had already been in to see her. Brought her a big stuffed elephant and four big balloons in her favorite colors: pink and purple. She hadn't known him, but had been so awed at the sight of the elephant and balloons that she liked him instantly. She was so pretty. Brown hair like B'El's and faint ridges on her forehead. But her forehead was smaller and more human looking and her eyes were a startling blue. She had patches of new skin on her face, but they were healing rapidly. Children bounced back faster. She would be up in no time. Tom would be so relieved. 'If only he'd wake up and I could tell him.'

Harry watched Tom breathe. God, he was so stupid. He had thrown away a wonderful friendship because of petty jealousy and unrequited love. No more. He'd be here for Tom. Set up a temporary home for Kate and Tom and make sure they were completely recuperated. And he wouldn't cut Tom out of his life ever again. He'd do whatever it took to get Tom's forgiveness. If only he could do the same for B'Elanna. She hadn't deserved his cold shoulder and he missed her terribly. He sobbed quietly holding Tom's hand.

"Har-" Tom whispered weakly.

Harry started and wiped his eyes hastily. "Tom, how are you feeling? Let me get the doctor. . . " Forgetting that the doctor would have been instantly alerted and monitoring from his station.

"No, Harry, what's going on?" Tom seemed to be more awake and starting to panic. "Where's B'el?! Kate?! What are you doing here?!"

"Shh, Tom, calm down. Kate is just fine. You can see her in a little bit. Don't move so much you were injured in a shuttle accident. Do you remember that?"

Tom's eyes remained wild, "Where's B'el?! Oh my god, I killed her. Another accident and now she's gone. That's why you won't say she's okay. . . she's dead!! It's my fault!!"

"NO! It was a drunk pilot. His shuttle malfunctioned and the autopilot went off. You did the best anyone could have done in making the accident less destructive. You saved your daughter! Kate wouldn't be alive if you hadn't been such a good pilot. B'Elanna died on impact. She didn't feel anything. I'm so sorry, Tom. But, you did save Kate." Harry's face was wet, but he clung to Tom's good hand forcing Tom to focus on his words.

Tom sank back down in his bed and wept. He finally wore himself out and fell back asleep, but the sleep was now fitful and Harry sat back down to watch over him.

---

"Ugh. I can't stand this slop. It's worse than Neelix's worst concoction. When do I get out of here?"

Harry smiled at Tom's typical responses to hospital care. He felt like he was back on Voyager in sickbay with Tom. Tom was doing fairly well. His physical therapy was starting and he was constantly visited by Kate and Harry. Kate had been released three days after the accident and Tom had given Harry permission to look after her. Harry had rented out a small apartment near the hospital and found that taking care of a small child was exhausting.

"Now, Tom. You be nicer to the staff here. They have to put up with you 24 hours a day. I'm bribing them to keep them from finishing you off in your sleep. Just eat the junk and get better."

"Yes, mother." Tom scowled, but ate half the food on his plate. "Haaarrrry," Tom whined, "can't you sneak some real food in?"

Harry grinned and reached into the bag he'd brought. "Well, Tom, you are in luck. I brought you some fudge ripple pudding."

"Oh, you are an angel. Whatever would I do without you?!" Tom then froze. He'd crossed a line that he and Harry had been avoiding the entire time since Harry's arrival. They had unofficially declared certain subjects unspeakable for now: Harry's distance and absence, B'Elanna's death and their lapsed friendship. But it was impossible to avoid these subjects for long. Both men knew that they'd have to deal with them soon.

"Well, I don't know. But, Tom, you won't have to do without me anymore if you don't want to. I need to apologize for my behavior the last five years. All I can say is I was having a difficult time and I needed to be on my own. But I never should have cut you and B'el out. You are my best friend and I love you." This last part was choked out, but Harry just had to say it. He hoped Tom would take it at face value. He also hoped Tom would forgive him. He didn't have much hope for the latter.

"Harry, of course I forgive you. I love you, too. I don't know what's been bothering you, but I hope you'll tell me someday. And, B'el understood that you still cared about us. She always told me not to take your silence personal. She said that she understood why you needed time alone. She wouldn't tell me why, but she said that we would be here when you came back to us and to let you find your own way. I'm so glad you came now. I really don't know what I'd do without you or Kate. It hurts so much to think about B'el. And the baby. We were so happy. . . " Tom broke down sobbing into Harry's arms.

Harry was incredibly relieved at Tom's forgiveness and shocked at B'el's words. Had she really known. Probably. She'd been a good friend to him. And there had been hints that Harry had dropped about his infatuation with Tom, but he'd never come out and said it. He'd also known that B'el had loved Tom very much. For the first time he felt that he was at peace with B'el. She'd known Harry had loved Tom and was hurt and though she didn't actively try to reach out to Harry, she hadn't hurt his friendship with Tom. She'd been caught in the love triangle, too. And had done the best she could, and she'd understood Harry's silence.

Tom finally quieted down. Sleepily he leaned back onto his back and then softly smiled at Harry. "You're a good friend Harry, don't ever doubt it. And taking care of Kate must be wearing you out. You should get a babysitter and go out and have some fun. Your leave will be over before you know it. Don't waste all of it."

"Well, maybe I will get a sitter tomorrow." Harry smiled slyly. He had a secret; Harry had talked to the doctors and promised to care for Tom at home, so they were releasing Tom tomorrow morning. He also bribed the nurses not to say anything by promising that Tom would be out of their hair by morning. He had planned a quiet little celebration at the apartment consisting of Kate, Admiral Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, and Neelix. Just a little surprise get together and then lots of rest for Tom.

---

Harry was picking up the debris left behind from Tom's welcome home. Kate and Tom were snoring away in Tom's bed. Kate's thumb was firmly planted in her mouth and her other hand clutched Tom's shirt. Tom's arms were wrapped around his daughter as they dozed. They were both exhausted and still recovering from their injuries. But they were so happy to be together again, and so sad to be missing B'Elanna. Kate had cried while clutching Tom and asking why mommy wasn't coming home.

Harry felt a little out of place during such a personal mourning amongst the survivors. But he certainly wasn't going to leave them alone. Tom was still weak and Kate needed someone well enough to take care of her, too. So he stayed and cleaned, doled out medicines, and cooked.

---
Two Months Later:

";No!," Kate screamed. "I want to wear my blue dress!" She threw her long sleeved red dress on the floor.

Harry straightened up, closed his eyes and counted to ten in Chinese. Then, opening his eyes he stared down his nose at the enraged 4 year old (no make that 5 year old today). "Look, Kate, it is not warm enough to wear that dress. That is a summer dress and it is February. When it is summer you can wear that one, for now you will put this dress on. You picked it out at the store last week and now you have to wear it."

Harry wondered when it was he'd started sounding like his parents. Hell, maybe he should let her wear the blue one and turn up the environmental controls.

';No, she'd have to learn to listen to reason and wear the warmer dress. The kids would probably run around outside. How on earth did I get suckered into throwing a birthday party with twelve little 4 and 5 year olds? I must be insane.'

'It sounded like a good idea at the time. Kate needs some happiness right now. She's been through so much, and it's her birthday. Just grin and bear it Harry.'

During the three months he'd taken care of Kate and Tom, the three of them had gotten rather close. Kate came to Harry for comfort and loved listening to him play his clarinet. She'd asked if she could play an instrument and he'd bought her a recorder that he'd wrapped up and was sitting in his closet right now. He'd hoped it would be easy and small enough for her to start on. He smiled when he thought giving it to her later. She really was a great kid, just not when it came to getting dressed. She had an independent streak a mile long. Something she'd obviously inherited from both her parents. Harry frowned at that thought. He knew Kate must be missing her mom today.

"All right, you can wear the blue dress if you wear this shirt underneath it and wear a sweater if you go outside."

"Yes! Thank you, Harry!" Kate smiled so big Harry thought her face would split in two. Harry bent down and she ran up and hugged him. . . hard. Then she raced back into her room to dress. Shaking his head, Harry walked into Tom's bedroom.

Tom. Harry wished he could make Tom as happy as he'd made Kate a moment ago. Tom did his physical therapy, ate his food, and smiled when he was told a joke, but the smile never met his eyes. He seemed to have lost his spark and there was no re-igniting it.

"She's got you wrapped around her finger, Harry," Tom smiled wanly sitting on the foot of his bed." He was getting dressed, too. Pulling on his shoes awkwardly, still stiff in the fingers and his legs often ached.

"Yep, and she knows it." Harry bent down and helped Tom with the second shoe, then stood up to get another look at Tom.

"Thanks, quit worrying about me Harry I'm fine. Just a little slow today. Sorry you've been stuck with all the preparation. I'll watch after the kids; you can go rest or get some air."

"Trying to get rid of me, Paris? I'm just fine watching a bunch of kids. I'm a Lieutenant Commander, way over trained for this."

"Speaking of which, shouldn't you're leave be done by now? Your Captain must be very understanding to let you take all this time." Tom walked down the stairs to the kitchen with Harry following. Tom's gait was improving, but he'd likely have a slight limp the rest of his life.

"Now I know you're trying to get rid of me. Well, I guess I should have told you this earlier, but we've been so busy. . . I'm actually not a Lieutenant Commander anymore. I resigned my commission two weeks ago."

"What! Harry, why would you do that? You love Starfleet!" Tom had spun around at Harry's words and now gripped Harry's shoulders with both hands.

Harry's breath sped up, not at Tom's shouting and emotion, but at the closeness and physical contact. He focused on Tom's words.

"Calm down, Tom. We haven't gotten around to talking about the last couple of years, so you don't realize this decision of mine has been a long time in coming. I haven't really enjoyed the last few years in Starfleet. Being in the command line isn't as satisfying as I thought it'd be. I miss my research and technical work. I could switch to a scientific vessel, but I'm not as thrilled with starship exploration anymore. Everything we went through in the Delta Quadrant, all those adventures, they kind of spoiled me. Nothing's as exciting as Voyager. And I've been thinking about the kind of research that I want to do and I can do it planet side. So, I'm considering some job offers I got over the last month I've been looking into this."

Tom's shock wore off and his arms relaxed, but his hands stayed on Harry's shoulders. "Oh, I had no idea you weren't happy. I've been so wrapped up in my own problems I've ignored yours. Well, if your happy planet side, that's good. Less dangerous, I won't have to worry about you as much."

Harry blushed, Tom worried about him, huh? "Yeah, so I'll be staying a little longer until I find my own apartment and you find a nanny." Tom wouldn't be returning to his ship, either. The limp that would barely be noticeable in a few months would keep Tom from passing the physical and health requirements for being an active officer and commander. He couldn't lead away teams, but he'd been offered a teaching position at Starfleet Academy. Piloting, of course. Starfleet was eager to have Tom as a flight instructor for future pilots. . . after all he was still the best.

"Oh, well, Harry there's no need for you to move out, unless you want to. I can understand a swinging bachelor like yourself might want his own pad," Tom teased, "But Kate and I'd miss you and it's a big enough apartment for all of us."

Harry was pleased; he hadn't been looking forward to leaving. He wouldn't just miss Tom, he had really grown fond of Kate and it'd be easier to teach her music if he lived here. 'It wasn't as if,' Harry thought firmly, 'he was family, but he could still help out and it'd be a relief to avoid moving.

'Sure, Harry, and there's no other reason why you might want to stay, now is there?'

Damn, but his little voice was an annoying twit. Never let him have his denial. Yes, he loved Tom still, but for heavens sake, the man was a recent widower and still straight. And Kate didn't see Harry as anything more than friend of the family, a caregiver; practically a nanny.

'This is not your family; just remember you are a roommate. Don't set yourself up for a huge disappointment! Tom will start dating sometime and you'll be out on your behind when he meets someone serious.'

"Sure, Tom, I'd be happy to stay if it's no bother." Harry's thoughts stayed hidden behind a blank face, or so he thought.

Tom frowned to himself. 'tHarry's face looks so tight it might crack. What has been eating at him? I'm not the easiest person to get along with right now. He needs a break.'

Tom resolved to set up a nice relaxing evening for Harry. No Kate to take care of and some pizza and a vid. Maybe he could cheer Harry up. Maybe even get him to loosen up. 'Better add lots of beer, then. I'll loosen up that tongue of his.'

---

"So, what are we watching?" Harry plopped down next to Tom on the couch. He couldn't believe that Tom had arranged for Kate to spend the night at a friend's house and then ambushed Harry with a vid and a large pizza. Not to mention the frosty beers. They hadn't spent an evening like this since Voyager. Before B'Elanna and Tom got together.

Harry wondered if Tom was feeling lonely. Most evenings Harry and Kate practiced their music together, then Tom read to Kate and tucked her in while Harry crashed in his room. Tom spent most evenings in front of the vid by himself.

'Yeah, he's lonely. He needs to relax and enjoy himself. It'll be nice to loosen up and maybe even get a nice buzz. Haven't had a beer in ages.'

"Oh, I hadn't thought that far ahead. You pick something. I've seen them all millions of times." Tom grabbed a slice of pizza and lounged on the couch. Harry popped in a vid he hadn't seen yet and took a swig of beer.

By the time the second vid was done Harry was plastered. Tom had been keeping up appearances in drinking, but only had two. He didn't want to overdo it with his meds and he definitely didn't want to miss a chance to get Harry's tongue wagging.

"Whoo. Good thing Kate's not here. I think I'm a little drunk." Harry chuckled, well giggled was more like it. He was feeling as relaxed as he ever had since Voyager. It felt good, why worry so much?

Tom smiled, "Yeah, I think you had a bit much. But you look relaxed. It's been awhile since we've had a night like this."

"Yeah, I know. All work and no play makes us dull boys," Harry mangled a saying from one of Tom's favorite vids. "We oughtta get out one in a while. Go find a pool hall and some local equivalent of the Delaney sisters." Harry was just drunk enough to let that slip, then realize he'd put his foot in his mouth. "Uh, I mean. . . "

"Relax, Harry, I know what you mean. Shooting some pool sounds good. I'm not ready for the rest, though. But what about you? You can go out on dates, you know. Kate and I are just fine alone on evenings. I don't want you living like a monk 'cause of us."

"How would that be any different than I've always lived? I've never been one with the ladies, Tom. That's more of your kind of thing." Harry hiccupped. He hadn't stopped drinking and was getting more drunk by the minute.

"What do you mean, that's more my thing? They're yours, too. Aren't they?" Tom was a little confused.

"Oh, girls are okay, but well. . . " Harry drifted off, studying the bottle in front of him.

"Harry, you mean you're gay?" Tom was shocked; he'd never imagined that. Harry was so. . . well naïve and. . . perfect. And the way he went on and on about Libby all those years on Voyager. And he'd never dated a guy, Tom was sure of that. Sweet little ensign Kim dating a guy would have been a hot topic on such a little ship. Hell, Harry had always mooned after Seven and other cool unattainable women. Unattainable. Oh. Maybe it did kind of make sense.

Harry hadn't answered his question. He seemed to be zoned out, or dreaming. "Harry? Hello?"

"What? Oh, am I gay? I dunno. Guess I must be. I've been in love with a guy for a while now. Shocked the hell out of me when I realized it, but. . . " Harry had been rambling sleepily and then drifted off on the last sentence.

"Harry?" All Tom got was a soft snore. Tom sighed, 'How like Harry to tell him something juicy like that and fall asleep on him. Harry was in love with some guy. Who on earth could it be?'

After all, Harry and he had been out of touch for about five years. Harry must have met and fell in love with a man after Voyager came home. That made sense, after being reassigned Harry met someone. And it might even explain why Harry was unhappy and leaving Starfleet. Tom ran through the possibilities: Harry may have fallen in love, but it wasn't returned, Harry was in a relationship, but it failed, or maybe the guy died or something. It would explain Harry's sadness and wanting to start over in a new career outside Starfleet. It also explained why he hadn't known. If it had happened after Voyager, he wouldn't have known.

So, now what to do? Harry said he had been in love. Was he no longer in love? Or was he still in love? Either way, he wasn't happy, that was obvious. And he wasn't dating, just hanging around the house with Tom and Kate.

'Well, Harry deserves some happiness. I'll see what I can do to help. It's the least I can do. If he's gay or bi, no big deal. Huh, I wonder if Harry was hesitant to mention this whole thing 'cause he thought I'd be upset. Boy, is he off his mark. But still, what to do to help? I know. . . .

' With a wicked grin Tom glanced back at his friend who was drooling on the arm of the couch. The wicked grin slowly changed to a soft, but wistful smile. 'Ah, Harry, so cute. Even when you're slobbering on my furniture. . .

' With that he reached down and slung Harry's arm over his shoulder. "Come on, wake up Harry! I can't carry you. You'll have to help. Trust me, you don't wanna sleep on the couch. . . it's not comfortable."

Harry groaned, slitting his eyes he looked up over at Tom. "Tom? Time for bed?"

"Yeah, Harry, help me out here and stand up. You know I can't lift you anymore." Which was a gross understatement. Tom's legs and arms were already starting to tremble. He was still pretty weak, he wasn't even sure he'd make it to his own room at this rate, forget Harry's room, which was further down the hall.

" 'Course not. You're still sick. Let me help you. . . " Harry drawled out drunkenly. Tom had to smile at that.

"Thanks, Harry, help me to bed, will you?"

" 'Kay," together they staggered into Tom's bedroom. Harry made it all the way to the bed and flung back the covers with one hand with the other still clutching Tom's shoulder. "Here ya go Tommy, in ya go now. . . " and then Harry passed out cold on Tom's bed.

Too tired to find it more than mildly amusing, Tom crashed next to him.

---

When he awoke the next morning Harry was long gone, the bed cold where he had laid. 'Bet he feels like hell. Probably puked his guts out and now taking a shower. Well, I'll make some breakfast. Better make it dry toast, though.'

Meanwhile, in Harry's room Harry was clutching his head and berating himself. 'Stupid, stupid! How could I end up in his bed?! Did I crawl in there last night? Oh, god, I hope he was sound asleep. He must not have woken up. Surely he would have tossed me out if he had. All I can be grateful for is that I woke up when I did. I'll just go downstairs and act like nothing happened. And nothing did, right? I was still wearing my clothes. . . and so was he. Hell, maybe we both passed out on his bed.' Harry brightened a little at that thought. That made sense. He had probably been putting Tom to bed and crashed next to him. 'No harm, no foul. Whew!'

Harry nibbled at toast, while Tom drank his coffee and ate some nauseatingly sugary cereal. "How can you eat that?"

"Oh, when you have children you get hooked on all sorts of sugary stuff. Kate loves it and I like it, too. My dad never let me eat stuff like this when I was little. Guess I'm making up for lost chances."

Harry grunted at that. "Come on, Tom, we gotta pick up Kate from her friend's house in an hour."

Neither man mentioned the night before or what had happened earlier that morning. Harry was just grateful to let it go and Tom. . . Tom had something up his sleeve.

---
Two weeks later:

Ding-dong.

Harry answered the door with a faint frown on his face, which he quickly replaced with a polite smiled upon opening the door. Who could it be? They weren't expecting anyone. In fact, the three of them were just getting ready to go out to dinner. Tom had breezed home that afternoon shortly after Harry had relieved the baby sitter and announced that he was in the mood for a treat.

There was a young man standing on the front stoop. "Hi, am I at the right place? Is this the Paris residence?" The young man seemed a little nervous, but eager to please.

"Yes, may I help you?" Harry had barely finished speaking when Tom rushed up from behind him.

"Hey, yeah, Jack, come on in. We're just getting ready." Tom led the young red headed man into the living room. Harry trailed after.

"Harry, this is Jack O'Brien. Jack, this is Harry Kim - " Kate chose this moment to come running in, her dress unzipped in the back. Harry bent down to help her finish. " - and this is Kate!"

Jack smiled down at Kate briefly, then looked back up at Harry and Tom. Harry was feeling very uncomfortable. What was going on? Who was this guy and why was Tom expecting him? And why didn't he tell Harry ahead of time? Harry's smile was plastered on.

"Harry, Jack's a colleague from the Academy. He's all alone here in San Francisco since he just started and I thought we'd take him out to dinner and then show him around the city." Tom wasn't quite meeting Harry's eyes; Kate just pranced around the room collecting coloring books and a doll to bring with her.

"Sure, sounds fine. Come on Kate, got your crayons?" Harry led Kate out the door ahead of Tom and Jack, his smile feeling like it was going to break. Something fishy was going on. He just knew it.

---
Dinner was an incredibly awkward affair. Tom kept starting conversations with Jack and Harry and then dropping out leaving Harry to fill in for him. The first time Tom helped Kate cut her food up. The second, he took Kate to the restroom. When he then left to show Kate a large fish tank in the back of the restaurant, Harry had a fairly good idea what was going on, but was helplessly confused about why. Tom was 'setting him up.' But why would he set Harry up with a guy? He'd never shown an interest in guys in front of Tom. This was weird. Finishing up the dinner, Harry and Tom bid Jack goodnight at the apartment door an hour later.

"Well, that was nice. I guess I'll take Kate upstairs to bed, she's drooping." Tom led Kate (who was indeed 'drooping' after a long night out) up the stairs leaving Harry to finish saying goodbye to Jack. Which he did perfunctory and then headed up the stairs.

Harry bumped into Tom coming out of Kate's room. "Shh, she's all tuckered out." Tom smiled happily. Harry knew how much Tom loved his daughter. He was glad Tom seemed happy and at peace, something he had worried about ever since the accident. That didn't stop him from being upset, though; he wanted some explanations about tonight.

Harry whispered, "Tom, we have to talk." Tom nodded and motioned for them to go into his room, which was closest.

They had barely entered the room and closed the door to keep the sound from bothering Kate when Harry spun around and confronted his friend. "What was all this about tonight, Tom?"

Tom seemed sheepish. "I guess I was a little obvious, huh? Don't be too angry, I was just trying to help. Did you not like him?"

Harry's eyes had been wide and angry, they now dropped to slits as his anger grew. "What the hell do you mean, did I like him? What made you set me up with a guy?"

"Oh, well, I just thought. . . "

"You thought what?!"

"I dunno. I just thought you might be interested in him. He teaches tactical and operations at the Academy and he's a nice guy. I just thought you might like to meet him. He's looking for someone and asked me if I knew anyone. He just broke up with his longtime boyfriend, but he said it was mutual and. . . I'm sorry. I just wanted you to meet him."

Well, how could he stay angry at Tom? Sure he had set him up and made him feel really awkward. Sure, he had ruined a nice quite evening for the three of them. . . damn, but he'd been thrilled at going out to eat with Tom, even with Kate. But, how could he be angry? Tom had only been trying to help him and he certainly hadn't known Harry wanted anything but having their little dinner interrupted. Hell, it was kind of sweet.

Harry still wasn't sure why Tom had set him up with a guy, but he guessed it didn't really matter. Maybe it was a fluke. If nothing else, it suggested that Tom wasn't wholly against the idea of guys with guys. That was an important little tidbit to set aside.

Harry knew he'd be obsessing about that later. But for now, he decided to let Tom off the hook. He was giving him puppy dog eyes, the ones that always melted Harry's heart and caused him to join along in foolhardy adventures.

Harry sighed. "That's okay, Tom. I'm sorry I got mad. But really, no more bringing home guys for me to meet, okay?"

"Sure, Harry, no more guys. I really am sorry. You didn't like him, then?" Tom grinned mischievously.

"Tom! No, look, he just wasn't my type, okay?"

'Because,' Harry thought to himself, 'you are my type, not shy or overly sweet. I like my guy mischievous, bold, and well. . . blond. Geez, I still got it bad.' Harry sighed again.

Tom thought to himself, 'Boy, was I off. I guess he's either bi or the guy was a one time thing. And I hate to see Harry so wistful. And sighing. Better luck next time.'

---

The next day was Saturday and both Harry and Tom were off, so they took Kate to the park near the house. They had packed a big lunch and Harry spread out a blanket near a tree for shade. Tom plopped down next to Harry after playing with Kate for a little while. Kate was playing on a nearby jungle gym with two friends that had also come to the park with their families.

Tom was breathing a little fast and he was all sweaty. "You okay, Tom?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just can't run around like that anymore. And this damned limp. . . "

Harry saddened at these words. "Tom, it's not that bad of a limp. " And it wasn't, when Tom was rested and walking a slower pace on level land it was barely noticeable. But here on the grass, trying to keep up with a 5 year old, it was much more noticeable. "And besides, you're still recuperating. . . "

"Face it Harry, I'm as well as I'll ever be. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm alive and Kate is perfectly healthy. I just wish. . . " Tom trailed off, not needing to add all the things he wished were different from that accident.

"Anyway," Tom deliberately changed the subject, "I'm getting older, I just have to face it. And you are, too." Tom smiled impishly.

Harry smiled at Tom's expression, rather than his words. He was so absorbed with Tom's lips that he missed Tom's question.

". . . .Harry?"

"What? Sorry Tom, I was thinking."

"I was just asking if you were okay. You seemed a million miles from here. Or maybe you were still in the Delta Quadrant?"

"No, I mean yes, I'm fine. Just. . . relaxed. I haven't felt this good in a while. I've been so involved in the project at work that it's nice to get outside and have some fun today."

"Yeah, you've been working hard. Is everything working out okay with the project?"

Tom knew that Harry and some other engineers were having difficulties with the upper management of the project. There were some possible glitches in the programming that Harry and a few others were trying to get fixed, but their supervisors just weren't listening. The ongoing politics and deadlines were wearing on Harry and Tom wanted to cheer him up.

"Yeah, I guess so. Still haven't resolved much. It just. . . ah, let's not ruin such a nice day. How about a cone?" Harry got up and fetched Tom and Kate some ice cream cones and got himself a Popsicle. Kate scampered back to her friends to eat hers, while Tom and Harry sat back and watched under the tree.

After a while Harry noticed Tom's cone was starting to melt. Licking his Popsicle thoroughly he glanced out of the corner of his eye and was shocked. Tom Paris was thoroughly absorbed in watching Harry lick his treat. 'Oh my god, he can't be. . . ' But he was, Harry struggled not to smile or laugh nervously and focused on his Popsicle and forced his eyes on Kate.

Tom, meanwhile, was enthralled. Harry's tongue was long and pink (well, of course Tom, what other color would it be?) but Harry's was pink with a streak of red from the Popsicle. And the up and down motions of his head as he licked it was making Tom's groin throb. The tongue swirling, the head bobbing. He was going insane. Belatedly, Tom realized his ice cream was melting and that Harry would look over any second now. Wrenching his eyes off Harry he slurped up the melted ice cream and resolved to keep his eyes on Kate.

Later that night Tom flopped around in his bed unable to sleep. His attraction for Harry wasn't new. He'd just long since stopped paying attention to it. He hadn't known Harry was interested in guys back on Voyager. And even if he had, he never would have acted on it. Tom had not had good experience with men he; hadn't acted on it before prison and well. . . . prison had taken care of any interest he may have had. It hadn't stopped attraction, but it had stopped any thought of action dead in its tracks. 'Besides, Harry's so sweet and good, he deserves far better. He was burned by a guy, and said he doesn't want any more guys brought home.'

'No problem. . . '

---

Tom was worried. He wanted to set Harry up on a date with this nice woman he'd met at the playground when he'd taken Kate the other day. Harry had promised to get the day off so they could all go together, but he'd gotten stuck at work yet again. The glitches in the program were even more pressing right now since the project end date was coming up. No matter what Harry and the other technical workers said, the management wouldn't give them the time or resources they needed to fix it.

So Tom had taken Kate alone and they'd met a nice single mom with a little boy Kate's age. Alexis was a pretty brunette with great curves. Tom thought she was a knock out. As he talked with her, he could tell she was perfect for Harry: she loved music, was interested in Starfleet, but not interested in joining and she could talk quite intelligently on technical matters. Shortly into the conversation she'd caught on that she was being interviewed.

"So, what are you quizzing me like this for?" Luckily she didn't seem put off, just amused.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just- well you just seem like the perfect girl for a friend of mine, Harry Kim. He's been in Starfleet, but works on earth now, he's a clarinetist and he's in designing and programming. I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but would you be interested in meeting him? He's a GREAT guy. Nicest man to know and he's cute. . . "

Alexis just laughed, shaking her head. "Well, I don't usually go for being set up, but. . . well, why not? I've been thinking I should get out more. I've been so busy at work and with John, my son. . . But, I'm not sure about a date date. Maybe we could meet more casually?"

Tom smiled relieved. "Oh, yeah. Actually, that'd be perfect. Harry's not into being fixed up either. He's a little shy and easy going. How about you and Johnny come over for a barbecue this weekend? The kids can play and we adults can have intelligent conversations amongst ourselves. . . No pressure. If nothing sparks, at least we've made some new friends?"

"Oh, that sounds good. Barbecue it is. Anything I can bring?"

They finished making plans and Tom whistled on the way home swinging Kate's hand and duly watching her skip and prance around with pride. Later that night Tom had every so casually dropped the hint that he'd invited Kate's new friend Johnny and his mom for a barbecue that weekend. Harry'd been distracted, looking over his notes but had nodded and said he'd be sure to be off.

That Saturday Alexis and Johnny had shown up carrying a large bowl of potato salad. Harry answered the door with Kate slightly behind him.

"Hi! You must be Harry, I'm Alexis and this is my son, Johnny. Hi, Kate."

Harry noticed that Kate looked less than thrilled to see Johnny. She was getting atthat age when boys were 'yucky' and Harry wondered why Tom'd thought she wanted to play with the boy. Then he took another look at the mom, ooooh. Obviously this was Tom's idea of a subtle get together with a pretty woman. Harry was shocked. He'd thought Tom was still grieving. Sure, Tom seemed better, but to be dating already? And to flaunt her right in front of Harry. Why the hell had Tom made sure Harry was here for this? Harry shoved his feelings deep inside and pasted a fake smile on his face.

"Yes, hi, I'm Harry. Let me take that for you. Tom's out back with the grill. Can I get you some drinks?" Alexis noticed the tension in Harry and wondered if this had been a mistake. Obviously he wasn't interested in her. She figured that she couldn't just leave, but would eat and make the required chit chat and then leave. Tom had seemed nice, though. Maybe she could just talk to him.

Lunch went fine, but Tom found that Alexis seemed nervous and Harry was very distant. The kids found a little in common and soon played well enough in the sandbox. Tom tried to lighten the mood by cracking jokes and Alexis laughed a little nervously and at one point laid a hand on his arm. Harry's eyes turned to slits at watching the obvious flirting going on between them.

"Well, I'm really sorry, but I should be getting back to the lab. I've got some work to do. . . "

Alexis seemed relieved. "Yes, I need to go, too. Johnny could use a nap and I've got some errands. . . "

Tom looked up confused, but polite in saying goodbye to their guests at the door. Closing the door behind him he turned to Harry who was stuffing his things into a bag, getting ready to head over to the lab.

"Harry! What was that all about? You were a little rude."

Harry jammed a pad into the bag and turned to Tom, his eyes slit so much it was impossible to see his brown eyes. "I was rude? If you wanted to date you could have had the decency to do so in private. I don't see why you had to bring her over here with Kate and me here." Harry lost his anger and felt like he was going to cry. He couldn't take it anymore. "Look, I can't stay here. I'm going to move out when I find an apartment. I can't stay and watch you date another woman. I- I just can't." Harry's voice broke.

Realizing that if he didn't leave now he'd be sobbing on the floor, he straightened up and cleared his voice. "I'm sorry, Tom. I've got to go. I just want to get some work done. Monday morning they are going to test the device and it's just not ready. Excuse me." He practically ran out the door leaving Tom stunned in his wake.

Harry was long gone when Tom finally whispered, "Oh, my god. It was me. . . "

---

Harry didn't come home that weekend. He slept at the lab the first night and then got a hotel room on Sunday night. He focused on his work as best as possible, but wasn't able to finish the corrections. Monday morning he tried one last time to get management to see their error.

"Sir, there are still some flaws in the programming. If you'll just give the team another week and the use of the facility we can. . . "

"Mr. Kim. I appreciate your pride in your own work, but I trust the programmers that did their work before you. They state that there ARE no flaws and that your 'corrections' will only add to the time and cost of the project. We just can't afford to lose time on this. It'll be fine. If you want to observe on the site. . . "

Harry stifled a frustrated scream and nodded. "Yes, I think I should. . . but. . . " His boss just waved off his concerns and left the room.

---

Tom was teaching a flight sim, but his mind was only half on the lesson before him. Harry hadn't come home since the barbecue. He felt terrible; he'd never in a million years would have guessed that Harry had been in love with him. Never. Why would Harry, such a sweet and nice guy fall for a guy like Tom? It just didn't make sense. He loved Harry, but he could never 'love' Harry. He just couldn't be with a man. Harry would have to realize that and move on. He only hoped that he would lose his friend in the process.

<beep> The communications panel signaled that Tom had an urgent message. Excusing himself from the classroom he checked his message.

"This is Tom Paris."

A nurse answered the call. "Tom Paris? I'm calling you as the contact of-"

"Kate?!!"

"No, sir. Harry Kim. He had you down as an emergency contact at-"

"What's wrong? Is he okay?!"

"Sir, if you'd just let me finish. . . he's in stable condition, but he-"

"I'm on my way!" Tom ran out of the school to catch a transport.


Arriving in the hospital he found Harry lying in a hospital bed. He was asleep and was being monitored by several machines. Looking at the readings he could tell that Harry was recovering well. He pulled up a chair and picked up his best friend's hand. Looking at how fragile Harry looked lying there he suddenly started to cry. Sobbing he buried his head into Harry's side, clutching his hand harder.

"Tom? Tom, are you okay?" Harry croaked, his eyes open, but a little dazed.

"Harry! We have GOT to stop meeting like this." Tom chuckled a little and wiped his eyes. "They said you were hurt in the lab?"

Harry sighed. "The idiots ran the test anyway and it blew up like I said it would. I'm fine, just was a little too close and their safety fields malfunctioned. I'm going to quit. They are completely incompetent and they won't listen to a word I say. . . "

Tom felt an incredible fury for the assholes that had endangered his Harry. He wanted to go and hit someone, but Harry needed him more.

"Harry? We need to talk. I want you to come home." Harry shook his head.

"It's not my home. I'm going to find my own place-"

"No! You definitely are not. It is your home. Kate and I love you and we missed you the last two nights. You need to explain to Kate that you aren't mad at her. She thought she made you angry and that you didn't want to come back because of her."

"But, I didn't-"

"I know that, but she's 5. She doesn't understand. And Harry? We really need to talk." Tom was firm and wouldn't budge. Harry sighed and agreed to talk, but insisted he WOULD be moving out.

Harry was soon released and Tom escorted him back home. Kate met them at the door and flung herself at Harry's legs. "Harry, don't go. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Kate. I'm not mad at you at all. I just got a little mad at Tom and needed to go to work for a while. I'm done now and Tom and I are going to talk, okay?"

Kate sniffled and nodded as long as Harry agreed to read her a bedtime story. Satisfied she went out in the back to play. Tom then pulled Harry into his bedroom and shut the door.

"Okay, Harry. We need to talk about some things."

Harry nodded, but wouldn't look up from his clasped hands.

"Harry, that night with the vids and beer. You were a little drunk and you mentioned being in love with a guy. Do you remember?"

Harry's head snapped up in surprise. "No. What else did I say?" He felt his hands begin to shake.

Tom sat down next to him on the bed and took Harry's hands in his own. "Relax, Harry. That was all you said. But it got me thinking that it must be some guy you met after Voyager and that he dumped you or died or something and that's why you were hurt and so sad. I tried to fix you up with Jack after that, remember?"

Harry closed his eyes and nodded.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I thought I'd help you since you were so sad and never went out. Then you said no more guys, so I tried to fix you up with Alexis. . . "

Harry looked up with surprise and then he started laughing. "Oh, my god. Really? I thought YOU were dating her?"

Tom sighed exasperated. "No! Why would you think that? I invited her so you two could meet more casually, but you were so rude and then you got so upset. . . " Harry stopped laughing and sat there silently, not wanting to relive his outburst that evening.

Tom sat there trying to figure out what to do next. What if he was wrong? What if Harry hadn't been in love with him? Only one way to find out.

"Harry? Why were you upset at the thought of me dating in front of you? Who was the guy you were in love with?"

"AM in love with. I never stopped. He just was never available." Harry muttered quietly. "You. Okay? You. I've been in love with you for years, but I know you aren't interested. . . " Harry trailed off and started to get up.

"Hey! Who said I'm not interested? Harry, I love you. You should have said something. . . "

"Like what? Tom, I'm in love with you? I want to make love to you? Please, I know you're straight. . . "

"No, not really, but- Harry, look, I DO love you. And. . . and I AM attracted to you. But. . . I. . . "

Harry looked at him suspiciously. "No, you don't-"

"Yes. Yes I do." Tom said firmly. He loved Harry, gods he loved Harry. He'd get over his own problems for Harry. Do anything he had to. Seeing him in the hospital had clinched it. No matter what, he had to show Harry that he loved him.

Tom closed his eyes, took a deep breath and kissed Harry, slow and deep. Harry started in surprise, but then quickly melted into the kiss. Finally coming up for air they clutched one another as if they'd disappear when they let go. "God, Harry. I love you. You are the most beautiful person I've ever known. You are always there for me. . . "

"No, I wasn't. . . I wasn't for a long time."

"But that was then. Since the - the accident you've been here for Kate and me all this time. Taking care of us, and Harry, I'd loved you since before. . . on Voyager, but I could never- I just couldn't deal with it then. And B'Elanna, I loved her, too."

Harry nodded, but didn't really believe that Tom loved him that way. "Harry, I want us to have a night together. Is that okay?"

Harry smiled, "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Tom grinned, "Yeah. Will you go out with me, Harry Kim?"

"Tom, you don't have to. . . "

"Harry, I know that. I WANT to. Please, will you go out with me?" Tom was clutching Harry's hand, afraid that Harry would say no.

Harry breathed deeply, "Of course, Tom." Tom smiled at that and kissed him again. They spent about an hour just holding hands and murmuring to each other until dinner. They then took care of Kate and packed her off to bed. They made plans for dinner the next night and each went to their own beds nervous and happy.

---

The next night Tom went all out with dinner. Kate was at a friend's house for a sleep over and he was making a gourmet meal for Harry who'd gone to take Kate over to the sleep over. When Harry came back home he found a candlelit meal awaiting him. Tom was dressed in a sky blue top and black pants. Harry felt nervous but eager for their date to start. He had chosen a long-sleeved black shirt and pants. Tom openly admired his choice in clothing, making Harry blush slightly.

All through dinner, Tom's emotions swung between happiness and love to dread at what would happen after dinner. Once finished they retired to the living room to drink their wine. Harry tentatively rested his hand on Tom's knee. Tom smiled, though inwardly quaking and picked up the hand and kissed it. He could handle this. He could. He'd focus on Harry and ignore the panic that kept threatening to rise up and choke him. Looking into Harry's eyes he saw such love and eagerness there.

Setting down their wine, Tom tugged Harry up off the couch and led them to the bedroom. Better to get this over with and the fear gone. They kissed and Harry went to unbutton Tom's shirt, but Tom stopped his hands and instead unbuttoned Harry's shirt and pushed him back on to the bed.

Tom's finger traced a line down Harry's smooth chest coming to rest at the waist of Harry's pants. "You okay, Harry?" Tom whispered. Harry was panting and gasping as if he'd run a marathon.

"Y-yeah. I just- I can't believe this is actually happening. I never thought - "

"I know. Me neither. But, I'm glad it is. I love you. I know you don't believe me, yet," Tom forestalled Harry's protests, "but, I plan on proving it to you every chance I get." Tom then slipped his fingers inside Harry's pants and underwear, caressing the warm flesh 'just' above Harry's straining member.

'Oh, god, I'm gonna come without him even touching it at this rate.' Harry struggled to slow down his breathing. He finally managed to control himself enough to stop sounding like a landed fish. . . that is until Tom's hand slipped a little lower. Harry groaned loudly.

Tom was surprised he wasn't having any problems with touching a man so far. He guessed touching Harry was okay, it felt good, actually. He was in control of this encounter and he felt he could continue. (Somewhere in the back of his head he knew that this wasn't going to be stay this easy, sooner or later Harry would touch him back and then what?) For now, though, Tom focused on driving Harry insane.

He must have done a good job, because Harry was writhing on the bed moaning. Tom caressed Harry gently, smiling down at the sweaty face beneath him. He pulled Harry up and finished taking off Harry's shirt and eased him out of his pants, and finally his underwear.

Standing before Tom naked, Harry felt exposed and vulnerable for a moment, then Tom pulled him close and covered his body with his own. Feeling the other man's hands running up and down his back, he sighed, burying his nose in the back of Tom's neck. He finally pulled back and tugged on Tom's shirt. "A bit overdressed, aren't you?"

He watched as a flash of nervousness came across Tom's face, but it was quickly replaced by a cocky grin. "Am I?" He started to unbutton his own shirt, not giving Harry a chance to help him. Tom stripped down to his shorts in record speed. Harry was a little confused, but quickly forgot it as Tom pushed him back on the bed.

Tom licked a path down his chest, swirling around his nipples and leading back up to Harry's neck, sucking and biting there. Harry moaned and clutched at the other man, desperate for more. Tom pulled back slightly and began to stroke him. Harry panted, turning towards Tom and reached for the last bit of material separating them. Tom grabbed Harry's hand and sucked his fingers into his mouth. Harry's eyes flashed onto Tom's face, but then closed again as Tom decided to apply his technique on a more deserving part of Harry's anatomy.

Harry was going to die. He knew for certain. Tom had already been driving him mad, now he was going to torture him to death with his mouth on his cock. Tom swirled his tongue, sucked, and fondled Harry, backing off when he was going to climax, waitinguntil Harry lost control and gripped Tom's head in desperation.

Tom stiffened slightly, looking up at Harry, who's eyes were closed and brow was furrowed in desperate focus. He relaxed and sucked Harry all the way in. He let Harry have the lead and fuck his face. He kept his eyes focused upwards at his lover's face until Harry thrust for the last time and Tom's face was buried in the other man's crotch. He waited for Harry to stop trembling and let go of his head. Rolling over on the bed onto his back he finally took the breath he'd been waiting for.

"Oh my god, Tom. . . oh, god. . . "

"Yeah? That bad, huh?" Tom chuckled.

"I'm dead, Tom. You killed me." Harry chuckled and pulled Tom up for a kiss. They then lay there gazing into one another's eyes for a moment.

Recovered, Harry propped his head up on an elbow and observed his lover. "So, anything I can do for you?" he asked playfully.

Tom avoided his gaze. "I'm tired. And you did plenty."

Harry frowned and looked down at Tom who wasn't even hard anymore. He didn't see evidence of a climax. Tom's shorts were still firmly in place, no trace of anything. He looked back up at Tom's face, but Tom was pulling the covers up.

"Come on, Harry, aren't you tired?" He yawned and reached over for the light. "We've got to pick Kate up in a couple of hours."

Darkness fell and each lay on their right side. Not spooned up together, there was about a foot in between them. Harry lay awake wondering what had gone wrong.

'He was aroused earlier. I felt it. He drove me crazy, sucked me dry, all with his shorts still on. And now. . . nothing.'

Tom was laying next to him, cursing himself. 'Shit. What does he think? I can't believe I couldn't. . . It was going so well, but. . . ' He couldn't bring himself to finish the thought. He prayed Harry wouldn't make a big deal about it. Maybe next time. . .

---

Morning came and neither had gotten much rest. They staggered out of bed; Harry silently went to his own room to clean up. He had no clue as to what to say to Tom. Tom, on the other hand, acted like nothing at all had happened. He whistled down the stairs after showering and dressing. He made a pot of coffee as usual and asked Harry what he wanted for breakfast. Harry wasn't fooled at all. Tom hadn't looked him in the eye once.

They decided to skip breakfast and go pick up Kate. They took her to the park to play and sat on the bench watching her.

Harry sighed forcefully and turned to Tom, "I can't take it anymore. I don't want us to ignore what happened, Tom."

Tom wasn't surprised. He looked at Harry guiltily. "I'm- I'm sorry, Harry. It wasn't you. . . "

"Don't do that. Don't make excuses. If you aren't really attracted to me, just say so. Tell me you don't want me. I told you I'd understand, Tom. You don't have to try with me, okay?" His eyes were burning with the need to shed anger bitter tears, but he held them back with sheer force of will.

Tom shook his head viciously, "No! That isn't it, Harry. I AM attracted to you and I DO want you-"

"Bullshit. Don't lie to me, Tom. I-" He glanced around the park and realized that they were starting to attract attention. He shut his mouth and turned back to watch Kate.

Tom wouldn't let it drop, he couldn't. "I'm NOT lying, dammit. There's something- I have to talk to you. In private, it's not YOU, Harry. It is MY problem. I love you." He turned away and settled his eyes on the horizon, unable to look at Harry again. They both sat there in tense silence until Kate came running up to say she wanted to go home.

Once inside the house, Tom called up the sitter again. He was feeling like he'd been bad about watching his own daughter lately, but this had to be done. Now. Before he lost his courage to tell Harry.

The sitter showed up and Tom informed Harry they needed to take a drive. He piloted them to a vacant lot and shut down the engines. Harry had remained silent the whole time.

"Harry. . . There's something I never told you. I've never told anyone. Never."

Harry turned to him, his face more open than it had been since the night before. "Go ahead, Tom."

"I- In prison. . . I was r-r-, I was. . . Shit! I was raped."

Harry's eyes widened and he grabbed Tom's hand, stunned. "Tom?"

"It. . . it wasn't just once, but- It happened a couple of times and. . . I jus- I just can't be with a man. Like that, I mean. I-" Tom stared down at his hands and didn't finish.

"Tom, I I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have forced-"

"You didn't! I wanted to last night. I told you the truth, Harry, I love you. I have since the first year I met you, but I couldn't. . . I couldn't ever act on it. And I had no idea you were interested in me. I never thought for a moment. But really, even if you had. . . "

Harry nodded, his eyes glistening. "Tom, I'm sorry. Last night-"

"No! Last night was perfect. It was. It wasn't you. I just. . . I thought I could, but I couldn't. I'm sorry, Harry."

Harry wiped his eyes roughly. "Don't, Tom! Don't apologize. I AM sorry. I didn't know what I'd done wrong and I. . . I thought maybe last night was pity or something. That you just felt sorry for me and didn't really want me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. . ."

Tom sighed heavily. He had felt a weight come off his chest at confessing, now he felt terrible that he'd told Harry. Why should Harry have to carry this around? And the man felt GUILTY. "Never pity, Harry. I LOVE YOU. How many times in how many ways do I have to tell you that? You are the first, no the ONLY man I have EVER tried this with. No one else could have made me want to. And I still do. But it. . . it isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I need. . . I need some patience and some time. . . I might react badly sometimes. I don't want you to feel burdened, Harry-"

Harry put his hand on Tom's mouth to stop him. "I love you, Tom Paris. I love you and I want you. It doesn't matter if we can never. . . never do anything in bed. It won't matter, really. It's not like I can't live without sex, you know." He smiled gently. "And if you want to try again someday. Then we'll do it at YOUR pace. Okay? We've got time. . . "

Tom tilted his head up and smiled shyly. "Yeah?"

"Definitely. I'm not going anywhere, buddy. You're stuck with me." Tom blushed and then grabbed Harry to pull him in for a long hard kiss.

Harry knew that they could take their time. After all, he had another chance. . .

---

End