by Jessayme Hawke
---

Archive: Yes to 'The Complete Kingdom of Slash', anyone else please ask first.

Disclaimers: Paramount and Viacom own the characters, but the story is mine. I'm not making any profit off this story. It is purely for my own peace of mind and hopefully the enjoyment of others.

Notes: Written December 1997, revised January 1998. The first slash story I ever wrote. Ever dedicated to my best friend and sister-in-crime, Mindy.

Warnings: Death of main character. Description of violence, but nothing graphic.

---

Tom leaned back against the wall, staring at the doors to the transporter room. His face pale and drawn, still not wanting to believe what he knew to be true.

Harry was dead.

His memorial service had been an hour ago. His body sent out into the blackness of space. Nothing more than a memory to those who knew him. Gone forever.

He slammed his fist down against the wall, chocking back a sob.

'Dammit, Harry. . . why '

Why? Why didn't he tell Harry? How much he loved him, needed him. Every time he tried in the past, he just couldn't. He kept telling himself that he'd tell Harry tomorrow, that there would always be tomorrow. Now, there wasn't a tomorrow.

It wasn't supposed to have been a dangerous mission, check out some dilithium readings. He and Harry had taken a shuttle craft down to the surface because the atmosphere was interfering with the transporters. They had talked and joked the whole way down, grateful to get off Voyager even for a few hours. It hadn't taken long to figure out that the readings didn't pan out, so they had headed back to the shuttlecraft.

Harry had joked about what a nice little vacation this was then it happened. A large catlike beast had attacked, jumping from a tree and slamming Harry to the ground. He would never forget Harry's agonizing screams. Tom had acted fast as he could, taking his phaser and shooting the beast, but it only shook it off. Harry's screams were getting weaker as he struggled to fight off the beast. Finally he had put it on the highest setting, and phasered the beast into nonexistence. He had fallen to his knees, watching Harry's blood seep into the dirt. Harry was trying to say something, but Tom had told him to be quiet. Conserve his strength.

He knew he had to get Harry back to the shuttle, then the ship. He didn't, could never have believed Harry wouldn't be all right. He knew the Doc would fix him right up, and had carried him back to the shuttle as fast as he could. He had laid Harry down carefully and went to the front to get them off the planet. Sure they were safely away, he had notified the Captain that Harry had been wounded and would need transport to sickbay when they were within range.

He hadn't even waited for a reply before he found the medkit and begin cleaning Harry's wounds. Wanting to staunch the bleeding, not wanting to believe it was more than superficial wounds. He worked, ignoring the blood that had covered him and begin to seep onto the shuttlecraft floor. Harry had kept trying to speak, and had finally gripped Tom's hand to get his attention.

Tom looked up and when his eyes met Harry's, his heart stopped. He saw the resignation in Harry's eyes, and something else within the depths. Harry tried to speak, coughing up blood. Tom tried not to panic, not wanting to believe it had been more serious. He kept telling Harry that the Doc would fix him right up. Harry had gripped his wrist one more time, having finally Harry found the strength. His final words echoing still in Tom's mind, 'for so long. . . . wish. . . . more time. . . . I. . . . love. . . . you. . . . Tom. . . . always. . . . '

Tom watched as Harry took one last time breath then slipped away. He had sat hunched over his friend for what seemed like an eternity before it all hit him. He had screamed, taking Harry's lifeless body into his arms. Sobbing, rocking back and forth. Muttering over and over again, 'I love you. . . . don't leave me, Harry'

Only another moment more had passed before the transporter beam had taken them both. He didn't remember much after that. He had woken up later in sickbay held down by restraints. The Captain had been there with B'Elanna, both looking sad and concerned. She explained that after the Doctor had announced Harry was beyond resuscitation, he had attacked the Doctor. Screaming that he hadn't believed it, that Harry couldn't be dead. It had taken several people to subdue him before he could be sedated. The Doctor had him restrained for his own safety.

Tom told them he had wanted to see Harry's body. He knew if he hadn't, that doubt would always be there. When he had assured the Captain he would not make another scene, she had the Doctor release him. He had walked silently toward the biobed where they had Harry's body, shrouded in a white sheet.

When Tom had pulled back the sheet, his gaze had instantly settled on Harry's face. Harry's expression had been peaceful, showing no trace of the violence that had taken him. His golden skin pale, yet had that quality of somebody in deep slumber. Thinking that all he had to do was touch Harry and he would awake. How he had laid his hand to Harry's cheek.

Then the harsh reality hitting him when he had found bitter cold, instead of the warmth he had wanted to touch for so long. A numbness had overtaken him. Words he had muttered repeatedly, while the Doctor had worked to revive Harry, echoed in his head, 'Its going to be okay, Harry, love. . . the Doc will fix you right up.'

But it hadn't been okay, Harry was gone. Nothing was going to bring him back. He had wanted to scream, to cry but he couldn't. All that was left was that numbness. He had left sickbay without saying a word, not even stopping when the Captain and B'Elanna called out his name.

The three days after Harry's death had been a blur to him. Nothing else mattered anymore, going through the days as if he were on auto-pilot. Keeping up a strong front for the Captain, B'Elanna, the crew, while he cried his soul out at night.

Tom didn't want to live like this, with this numbness. He had lived with different types of pain through his life, but this was something new. He had never loved anyone like he had Harry. It felt like a part of his soul was gone, a deep emptiness inside him. He took a deep breath, knowing what he had to do. He had to be with Harry, with the one he loved. No matter how.

He pushed himself from the wall and walked the short distance to the transporter doors. A deep sense of peace filled him as they opened before him. His eyes settling on the transporter pad, filling with the same resignation that Harry's had at that one moment.

'I'm coming, Harry'

He smiled and walked into the room. The doors closing quietly behind him.

---

End