The PKSP Archive - savage
by envoy (envoy@mjc1.demon.co.uk)

---

Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing!

Notes: Yes, the rating does read C/7- I couldn't restrain
myself any longer! Comments would be appreciated as not
only is this the first draft it is also an 'experimental'
style.

---

          Angry.
          Angry because she slept with him
          when she knows better.
          No; angry because she slept with him.

          In a way it makes sense.
          And in a way it makes me happy to know;
                                    knowing frees me
          from the final tatters of hope which
          bound me;
                                             frees me
          from the silent promise that kept me
          waiting;
                                          releases me
          from the one sided knot;
                                             frees me
          to


                                        Sometimes, I feel
                                        that I have been
                                             hoping
                                             so long
                                        that I do
                                             not know
                                        when admiration
                                             turned
                                        to love
                                             twisted
                                        to acceptance
                                             fell
                                        to hopelessness

Sometimes, I know
that I have been
a fool.           But knowing makes me happy.
                     Knowing makes me human.

          I can only accept this.
          I can only accept that I have only
          loved the one I thought
          I was in love
          with.


          I turn into the room, but someone
          is already here.
          Seven is already here.
          I hesitate.
                                        The ultrareal
                                             memories
                                        she elicits are
                                        not the ones
                                        I would reflect
                                        upon. Now.
          I begin to back away.

     "Commander,".
          Metal cold voice              which becomes too
     "Commander, is something wrong?"   human.
          Fading cobalt eyes encased in
          mechanical head bore through me.
          And for a moment
          gently flicker with humanity.

          The eyes remind me of    her. it.
          Voids.

Have I been
made a fool
by every woman
I have trusted?

          I flinch.
          Lids descend to shield the eyes.

                                        So canny.
                                        Like all her kind

     "Prejudice is a strange thing, Commander,".
     "What?"
     "A strangely human vice,".
          Not only that
     "Very much a Borg vice too,".

          Your vice.

          She considers, holding herself still
          and rigid.
          Then she speaks

     "The Borg are perfectionists. Attaining excellence
requires sacrifice,".
     "I really don't think that description can be
applied to your assimilations,".
     "Borg assimilations,".
          So sharp. So swift to dissociate.
     "My apologies,".
          She stands and approaches me.      Pale &
                                        Fragmenting
                                        to a human base.
     "So you do blame one for the many. Prejudice is a
strange thing,".

          She waits for me, appraising me
          with detached vision and cool lines.

     "I do not blame you for what has happened," the
words come slow and tight "I do not blame you,".
                                        Have you
                                        convinced
                                        yourself yet?
          A flicker of a smile.    Gone.

     "And I do not blame you,".
          Has she convinced herself yet?
     "But even so," I continue "I cannot forget what you
are,".
          Her face changes-softens-saddens
     "What I was Commander. I'm a half breed now,
despised by both sides,".
          So measured. So emotional.    Too human.
          And so I understand her point.
          And resent it.

          She waits for me, unfairly calculating
          behind heavy lids.
          I begin:
     "If anyone should know about my prejudice, my people-
"
          Snap
     "Your people. What of you?"
     "I was a Maquis agent!"

          Her eyes startle.

     "Then we are not so disparate as we seem,".

          Maybe not so much as would seem,
          but it remains that we are.
I have been                                  I have been
made a fool                                  made a fool
by every woman                             by every woman
I have trusted.                            I have trusted
          "Have you ever been in love?" I demand
          "Do you even understand what love is?"
     "Borg do not require love. I do not require love,".
          Eyes shutter closed softly to reopen
          and stare.
          So impenetrable.
          "And what does your *human* side say?"
Fool.                                               Fool.
     "My human side," she falters and begins to edge away
"Says-"
          "Nothing, because what ever humanity
          you had you lost
          long ago,".
          She straightens herself
     "Likewise, Commander,".

          I am so intent on remaining human
          that I have ceased to be
          human?
Every woman.                                 Every woman.

          "I don't believe... anyone
          would doubt.. my humanity,".
     "Humanity is more than a matter of form; if it was
solely that I would be as human as you,".
          Which is not to say much.
     "But I am still more Other than you and so-"
          She inclines her head
     "I am only this,".
Trusted.                                         Trusted.
          and leaves me here.

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The End