The PKSP Archive - Eclipse by envoy --- She stands away from me, creased in her robe, her back to me. She knows, as we all do, that it could only be one; Harry or B'Elanna, not Harry and B'Elanna. We all know, as she knows, that for any reason he was the one. But she knows more. She knows that there once was love, and she fears for what this means. She stands solitary, creased and twisting in the echoes of her knowledge. I pull her into me and press a kiss onto her neck and murmur words which do not melt her. I sigh and promise, promise in an invisible symbol, that I will see him tonight. --- I walk down the corridor with intention straining my heart; I have avoided this- avoided him- for so long that it has all become more than it should be carries more meaning than it should do bodes worse than I thought it could. But it could not be otherwise. Possibility stands twice bold before me; alluring me with the future; tempting me with the past. Both strands wait on me, and I know which way I would turn- know for which kind I yearn- but I am bound by past action existing in present; past action which compresses my heart and taunts me and hardens me to what it desires. To what he desires. And what he can never have. Now. Once it would have been; now never. And what will he make of that? And how do I tell him that? And will it make any difference to voice what he must know? Yes, for then probable sets to definite. And I will have denied him. The door opens and I enter. I slip past his shock easily; he did not expect this on his terms on his territory. He says so looks so. And would look so pleased to see me. will not be for long. Tom, he offers, can I get you anything? I decline. He declines, arms and smiles falling to shatter somewhere. I begin. Harry, I cough, I realise I should have addressed this before now, but other things- Yes, he says. I flutter nervously, but needs must be done: Last time we met, you mentioned a possibility a possibility of us That cannot happen swift, sharp cut is cleanest. Now. Why? he asks. Because I love someone else. The Captain, he states. She was there for me when you died, I explain. And now I am back, he replies. Haunting coals of eyes burn at me, demand of me impatiently; red eyes in a ghosts face; punishing words as a ghostly reminder guilty reminder. You are, I agree, but I cannot go back. Cannot? he questions. Cannot. Too much is different. And even if it was not so I still would not go back to you. Why? he asks. Because breaking up with the Captain would have definite repercussions. For everyone. Spoken. I have spoken words I promised my heart never to air. Spoken the unfortunate Truth. He nods his head. I understand, he claims. Glad and uneasy hoping yet hesitant I leave. ~ ~ ~ TO: Ensign Paris, Thomas E. FRM: Kim, Harry (Civilian) Tom_ _ I'd appreciate it if we could meet tonight as there are some things I need to discuss with you. Let me know if this is possible. TO: Kim, Harry (Civilian) FRM: Ensign Paris, Thomas E. Of course we can meet. I'll come to your quarters when Alpha shift ends. ~ ~ ~ Tom, he offers, can I get anything for you? I decline, dreaming of a meal planned for later. He does not react to me, stares fugue-like through me. I query him; he smiles and reaches out a hand to smooth my hair to soothe me. I've been thinking, he begins, about your relationship with the Captain; about the things you said. I understand. And I want you to know that I do not have a problem with that. With what? I ask, confused. He is closer than I thought and his hand rests too warm on my shoulder creeps too subtly over my skin. You are right, he continue, you cannot end your relationship with the Captain. He smiles. It was selfish and foolish of me to think only of myself; you thought of everyone. And you were right. I'm glad you understand, Harry, I say. I do understand, he says, I do. And I have no problem with you continuing it. His hand rests on my face and he leans into kiss. I move away nervously anxiously hopelessly from him. But he holds me there holds me. Let go, Harry, I request. The force increases. I cannot, he replies. He cannot as I cannot. Harry, Let go of me. No. Yes. I power a fist to his stomach and he relinquishes his hold. I turn and make for the door. I am pulled to the floor with Harry on me sliding up me to whisper with cold breath, to hold me there with his body. My lungs are in my ears so that I cannot think. His hand is caressing me. His voice cascading over me I struggle. Sssh, he whispers, Ssssh. He kisses my neck & leaves a saliva print for his pains; sticky, sweet liquid melting to stain the carpet. He must know how I feel how I fear this ; him. I call his name. Ssssh, he soothes, Ssssh. Only we will know. And then I feel it, his pulling at my uniform his excited sighs. Harry. I struggle. Ssssh, he soothes, Ssssh. Sssss Sssss Sssss A plea for silence. A plea ignored. No. I push with all my strength and throw him away. Only we will know. I gather myself Only we will know. I draw blood with a fist. Only we need know. A second blow. Only we need. I remove his clothing. He calls my name. Sssh, I mock, Sssh. Sssss He calls. I falter- this is not how it should be would have been. I stumble back and away. ~ ~ ~ She stand waiting for me, soft in satin, and begs to know did I do it? Did I go to see Harry? Yes, I say, I did it. I did it. --- The End