The PKSP Archive - it could be sweet by envoy (envoy@mjc1.demon.co.uk) --- Disclaimer: They are not mine. I'm exhausted. If I ever mention writing 7 in this way again make sure to knock some sense into me. Please let me know if you enjoy this 'labour of love'. --- I step out of the turbolift and walk toward the cargobay with heart stammering like a fool in my ears; fool that I am. But no one will know need know could know. no one could know why I am here. I open the cargobay doors. And there she is: rigid & soft flesh in metal, rising with life; heaving&shuddering&flickering Waiting. Rigid, soft flesh. My heart is calmed. It is a juvenile thing to do, watching her; sneaking in with the cover of dark, for illicit purpose, to move out with the tide of day. A juvenile thing to do. The only thing to do. The only. so unaware of how I twist of how I twist within myself my thoughts with thoughts I should not be here like this. I should not be here. After all that has passed the last place I should want to be is here; the last thoughts I should want to have are these- thoughts of her. She is the only woman I have never trusted; and becomes the only one I can trust. The only one. face pulled blank in rest; pulled innocent by peace. innocent. I must accept that. I have, but I know it is safer not to. I have always been aware of that; been aware that if I accept it I must acknowledge my guilt. And that done I must confront her innocence, and what I will be if I do that: viewed as twisted bitter biter; doing to her as was done to me. But it would not be that; it would be It would not be that. It will never come to that. I watch a final breath sigh from her body and leave. :watch him leave 10110011000001101010010011111001011100000110010001000011 :wonder at it :wonder at his presence 1000100100010110001111000001101011010000011010011 he is unknown. remains unknown especially now. Nothing necessitated his presence; there is only this 100110010011101001111010000010011011000001010000010010011 01001110010011001000101010001000001011001 :wonder at it consider the probabilities. there is only this. he has no concern for this. He has been other lately; caught and blown by stilled emotions; shocked by the lifting of redundant layers. Unsure. hesitant. Searching for calm 101001110010010100000100010110100101000101100100010101001 001000101010001000001011001100110010011101001111010000010 100111001001 :he searches for something :seek it ~ ~ ~ :located commander chakotay 1010100100100101000001000100100111010010011000110 he sits unaware, ingesting his nutritional supplements. he sits alone. join him. he is alone. now. i have heard the others speak of him and the captain. i know these things to be too true; to be too common among them. a distraction from duty the captain should know to avoid. but she is of them and cannot. i have noticed how others see him. i see only a man among men. 10011011001001100100001000001000100100111010010011000110 "Commander, may I join you?" ~ ~ ~ We exit the turbolift and we walk toward the cargobay; my stammer is a distant pound to my thought flooded mind. Thoughts and emotions and exclamations cascade through me but fail to touch her; she walks unaware by my side. And if she knew? she will never know. She does not know herself, how could she know me? Did I know me? She stops; I slide past. I turn to her. "Commander, there is nothing here which requires your attention- why do you accompany me?" Caught by a word and a face. by her. And still she waits. I wonder at her frigid humanity; wonder that she does not grasp what my silence exposes; know that she cannot yet grasp it and know that I should not, but A hand reaches up to her face, fingers linger over the skin. I shudder at the soft to touch sharp of it. My heart scares all to silence. I touch her; her open eyes flutter; her breath brushes over me. My Her hand begins to descend ascend begins to gently tease move toward flesh reaches out for flesh. I would should know better. I snatch my hand back. "Please excuse me I" should know better do know better don't want to know can't help myself make the mistake of looking up. Her eyes pinion me mid-denial. "My designated status is that of civilian,". I smile and she seems to smile too. "I'll keep that in mind,". "Do so,". :he leaves there is only this and this is what must be sought. i watch him to invisibility seeing him more than man among men. this is what will be sought. 10011011001001100100001000001000100100111010010011000110 --- The End