The PKSP Archive - Blue Lines
by envoy

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Disclaimer: Not mine, thank you ;)

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Have you ever been shattered by a smile?

I remember it so clearly; too clearly; razor sharp clearly. The way he
looked at her. The way he smiled at her. Then I knew; I knew then that
he had made his decision without saying something; without saying
anything.

It was all in that smile.

That's why I ask have you ever been shattered by a smile?

The way he looked at me when I said it; the way his eyes withdrew from
me, that was his 'something'. He was... I don't know what he was, but
I know what he was not. And maybe it was my fault for doing it that
way; for blurting it out like a gauche schoolboy, but how else could I
have done it? Surely he knew, suspected something about our
friendship?

No. No, he didn't suspect anything other than friendship- probably
wasn't capable of anything more than friendship. And I was aware of
that- I had to have been aware of that. Aware that he would not be
interested.

I was so nervous.

And I knew what I was doing.

I had to say it then, while there was still some remnant of that other
Harry; so that he would know it was not pity nor fear nor what he was
after the fact, but that it was him. So that he would know that even
when he felt worthless.... I had to tell him because I felt him
slipping away- even more than when he was in a coma. Even though it
was stupid I had to tell him. And I'll standby that.

Especially now.

I had accepted that was how it was- that he didn't want to talk about
it. That he could not even bear to be in the same room as me. That I
disgusted him. But he didn't refuse the invitation.


It's not much- I know that- but after everything- the worry, the
anger, the silence- it amounts to more; more than I would think.

A kiss.

It was a 'something' too.

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The End