by Cinder
---

Disclaimer: If TPTB were taking better care of them I wouldn't have found them shivering in the back of my closet, now would I?

Warnings: Evil!B'Elanna and Evil!Chakotay. I needed some villains and I used these two shamelessly.

Notes: So, I'm watching McNeil/Leher News Hour the other day and they do a report on the human genome project. I remember something I heard once about there being a gene that's different in homosexuals and of course, I started to wonder what would happen to 'don't ask, don't tell' if the army could just 'fix' the problem. 'Course, this opens a whole other can of worms. If we can genetically engineer a perfect (read homogenous) species, why shouldn't we?

I don't have the time or room to get into all the reasons here, but I hope that the following story explores some of the problems altering genes might have for a grown adult, one little, itty, bitty fraction of the discussion. Some parts of this are meant to be an exageration for effect others are an extrapolation of things we have no idea about yet. Certainly do not take everything that happens as scientific fact.

We are going to assume that when we all saw "Non Sequituer" we saw a tall, dark male played by Billy Zane. Mmm, nice picture, huh?

Thanks to Scorpio for giving me the idea. I borrowed the name in what I hope is an homage.

And I can't remember if we've ever actually seen Batehart before. I'm assuming that we haven't, that Batehart is male and in this piece he's played by Peter Wingfield. Viva la Methos!

---

"Sometimes B'Elanna and I like to play with handcuffs," Tom tried. The kid was definitely getting pushy and it was annoying him. What in the nine hells of Dante would satisfy him?

"Come on, Tom. You've got to have something deeper and darker than that."

"Careful what you wish for, Harry."

Harry sat forward and stirred up the fire. It gave his dark eyes onyx radiance. "Libby and I used to play with handcuffs. Come on, a real secret."

Why had they started this game anyway, Tom wondered. Just to pass the time on this infernal away mission. It suddenly wasn't as fun as it had been. "All right, all right, but you asked for it," he spit out. "Back in Auckland I used to give the wardens blow jobs in exchange for better treatment. Better?"

Harry swallowed hard and paled. "Uh. . . "

"Now, what's your deepest, darkest secret," Tom sneered. Sometimes the naiveté of his friend was more than a little annoying. When would he learn to let sleeping dogs lie?"

"Ummm. . . well. . . "

"Come on! I told you."

"I'm gay."

"What?"

"I'm gay, okay? Always have been. Always will be. Satisfied?"

"I think this is a lousy game."

Harry nodded his agreement. They sat in silence for a while, trying to avoid one another's eyes.

"What about Seven?" Tom finally asked.

"Smoke and mirrors. I like my women unattainable."

"Okay, and Libby?"

"Liberty Myers. Male. Very cute."

"And alien chick?"

"Not all chick."

"Shit!"

"You don't hate me now, do you?"

Tom always found it hard to resist when Harry turned those big, brown puppy dog eyes on him. "Just tell me one thing, Har. Have you ever, you know, lusted after me?"

"You're tall, blonde and suave. You do the math." He paused, putting a lot of thought into his next answer. "I try not to though. I try not to think about any of the guys aboard Voyager that way."

"Why?"

"Because. . . because when I first came aboard I had a crush on this. . . guy, and it was hard. I don't want to go through that again. For all the touted freedoms you know we're still not accepted. Just look at the rule book. And he. . . and he'd probably hate me if he found out."

"Who?"

"No. I've answered enough questions. Good night, Tom." He turned over and Tom was pretty sure he was asleep until he quietly asked, "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"You keep my secret and I'll keep yours."

"Thanks, Tom."


Neither of them drifted off very soon, but they both pretended to. Voyager picked them up in the morning from their gathering foray. It was an uncharacteristically quiet Harry and Tom who beamed back up to the ship. After reporting in and being dismissed, with a mild joke about not getting into trouble, Tom suggested dinner. "We'll, uh, have fudge-ripple pudding."

Harry blushed. "Umm, sorry." They stopped in front of his quarters. "I'm supposed to meet Ayala. We play squash and then have dinner every few days or so. You usually spend those nights with B'Elanna. . ." Harry trailed off with a shrug.

"Do you think he's cute?"

"What? Tom!"

"Just asking."

"Come inside." Stalking into his quarters he turned on his bemused friend in semi-fury. "Would you mind not outing me in the corridors?"

"Oh, sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough, Tom. You have to be more careful. You could. . . I could. . ." Helplessly, he collapsed onto the couch. "What if someone else knew, Tom, like Ayala? You think he'd ever play squash with me again? Or what if some of the crew below decks knew? How long do you think I'd make it before they started beating the crap out of me? Huh? And the Captain, if she knew. . ." Harry just shuddered.

"I'm. . . you're. . ." Tom stopped and took a deep breath. "I won't do it again. Promise. You're still my best friend, Har. I'll keep your secret."

"I'm still your best friend? Really? Even though you know. . ."

"That can't be worse than being an ex-con, and you stayed my friend."

Harry beamed. "It's been worth the headache."

"Headache?!?"

Harry laughed.

"So, do you?" Tom finally asked, "find Ayala attractive I mean?"

"In a manly sort of way, I guess. Like I told you, I try not to think about it. I gotta go meet him. See you for lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. Later, Har." Tom backed out and made for his own quarters. Poor kid, he thought, they should be able to fix things like that. In point of fact, they could, but gay people everywhere protested. They said being "fixed" meant losing their genetic originality. The practice was almost unheard of. . . except in the military. Regulations said that if you were found to be homosexual, you were to be altered to fit the heterosexual guidelines. Tom could see why Harry was so frightened. He didn't want the Doc fiddling around with his genes either. Alien DNA did that often enough, thank you. Still, Harry was blatantly unhappy, Tom mused as he entered his quarters and then rummaged around for some civvies to wear. Wonder who he had a crush on?

. . . Torres to Paris . .

"Paris here."

. . . Meet me for dinner, Ensign. . .

"I'm a lieutenant again, remember?"

. . . Junior grade . .

"Right, dinner it is."

. . . Torres out. . .

B'Elanna's idea of a joke. Tom hadn't gotten around to telling her it wasn't funny yet. During dinner he kept getting distracted watching each man walk in or out, wondering if that was the one Harry liked. Kid deserved happiness.

"Voyager to Paris. . . " B'Elanna waved her fork in his face.

"Sorry."

"What's on your mind?"

"I. . . uh. . . a friend said. . . she had a crush on someone and I'm trying to figure out who it is." He flushed. Keeping this secret was going to take some practice, apparently, but he had to do it for Harry.

"Any clues?"

"Not really. She likes authority. I know that."

"Who is it, Tom?"

"I promised not to say."

B'Elanna smiled. "Well, if you want authority, I'd say it was Chakotay."

"Chakotay. There's a thought."

---

Harry, as promised, was off fixing sensors before breakfast, but Tom finally caught up with him at lunch. He fairly bounced into the seat opposite his friend. Leaning across the table he whispered, "Chakotay?"

"You say such sweet things."

"No, Chakotay?"

"What about Chakotay?"

"You know..." Tom gestured vaguely.

They stared at one another for a moment until Harry suddenly laughed. "No, not Chakotay. Good guess though."

"Give me a hint."

"Sure you want to know?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"You're onto something with the bridge crew." Harry winked and turned back to his lunch.

When Tom got back to the bridge he brought up a list of all the people who served there. No, it couldn't be. He glanced back at the stoic Vulcan and smiled. It had to be.

---

That evening he blew off B'Elanna and made straight for Harry's quarters. "Tuvok," he announced, skidding through the door.

"No," Harry laughed, turning away from his music stand. "One guess per day from now on."

"But that's gonna take forever," Tom pouted.

"I know." Harry grinned.

"Sadist."

"I learn from the best."

Tom flopped on the couch and picked up a data pad. Yup, his novel. Harry always kept it out for him. "We staying in tonight?"

He gestured with his clarinet. "I want to practice tonight."

"Kay." Tom quite contentedly turned back to Captain Queeg and the lost strawberries. They stayed that way for half of the evening until:

. . . Torres to Paris. . .

"Paris here."

. . . You and Harry up for a round of pool? . .

"Uh. . . " Harry shook his head at Tom's look. "Not tonight, dear. Meet you for breakfast?"

. . I'm eating on the job tomorrow morning. Come out tonight. I could make it an order, Lieutenant. . .

"And I could ignore that order, B'Elanna. Harry and I are staying in. Good night." Tom settled back for a moment, but then suddenly turned on his friend. "Batehart."

"I said one a day."

"Oh, come on. If I were gay I'd have a crush on Batehart."

"Really?"

"Sure. He's tall, dark, kind of handsome." Tom gestured in a this-that sort of way.

"So, you've thought about this?"

"Is that a trick question?"

Harry looked highly amused for some reason. "He's got a nose you could land a shuttle on."

"Not Batehart, huh?"

"No, not Batehart."

The door chimed.

"Come," Harry called.

B'Elanna stomped through. "Well, if you won't join me I suppose I'll have to join you."

"Come in, sit down," Harry encouraged. "Tom, get your feet off my couch."

"Picky, picky, picky."

"So, what were you two up to?"

"Harry and I were just discussing that female friend of mine. Weren't we, Harry?" Harry frowned, but B'Elanna didn't seem to need an answer.

"Well, was it Chakotay?"

"It was not Chakotay. Not Tuvok or Batehart either."

"Tuvok?" B'Elanna asked, condescendingly.

"Hey, some women got a thing for Vulcans. What can I say?"

"You have a friend who has a crush on someone?" Harry tried to act innocent, but he was obviously ticked at something.

"Exactly. Any ideas, Har?"

"The Doc?"

"No, no." B'Elanna shook her head. "Who would have a crush on him?"

Harry shrugged.

"She told me he's a bridge officer."

"Oh," B'Elanna exclaimed. "It's Harry!"

"What?" both men asked.

"Harry. She has a crush on Harry. Think about it. Bridge means Harry or Chakotay if she likes authority. It has to be a senior officer."

"What about me?" Tom protested.

"Oh, come on, Tom," B'Elanna laughed. Neither of the men joined her.

"It's late," Harry announced, putting away his clarinet.

"Oh, yeah. We'll let you go to bed." B'Elanna shoved herself up. "Walk me home, Tom."

"Yes ma'am. See you later, Har." Which was code for Tom popping back before either of them went to bed.

"Later." But Harry sounded anything but pleased.


Out in the corridor Tom couldn't help but evaluate B'Elanna's strut. The Klingon took second place to the woman when she walked. Her curves were a sharp contrast against her nature.

"What?" she snapped.

"Just thinking how beautiful you are."

"You need your head examined," she whispered softly.

"Yeah, but don't you just love my dementia?" Humor always relaxed her. B'Elanna laughed and pulled him close. By the time they got to her quarters they were kissing and groping one another. She palmed the door and they tripped through. Her breath hot on his lips, they fell to the floor. Kiss. Grope. Strip. Grope. Strip some more. B'Elanna dragged herself up Tom's body, rubbing herself against his thighs. Cat goddess on the prowl. Humble Apollo beneath her grabbed her hands to give her leverage. Cock. Hot. The length inside sweet heaven. And then she moved. Tom screamed when she scratched bloody lines into his chest. Tom came when she ground down on him in orgasm. They collapsed in a sweaty heap.

"B'Elanna?" Tom finally asked.

"Mmmm. . ."

"Why do we always do it on the floor?"

She didn't reply for some time, until she got back enough strength to sit up. "I hate to do this to you, but I have to get up early."

"Shower at least?"

"Oh, I suppose," she grinned that typical B'Elanna, full-lipped grin.


After a friendly shower and an even friendlier grab and grope, B'Elanna ejected a rather wet Tom Paris from her quarters. He thought about just going to sleep, but Harry was expecting him. Glumly, he trotted over to his friend's quarters, his earlier planned diatribe on B'Elanna's many faults all but forgotten.

"Come," Harry called.

"Hey, sorry that took so long. Kitty got a bit frisky, if you know what I mean."

"Really," Harry bit out. "Was she tryingt to drown out any thoughts of this 'lady' friend of yours?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"Now that you mention it. . . " Harry closed in on him. "Think maybe you could stop playing Russian roulette with my life?"

"Uh, what are we talking about?"

"Female friend, huh?"

"I've been being careful," he protested.

"I should never have told you," Harry spit out. "I knew you couldn't keep a secret! If you're not careful you're gonna get me fixed!"

"Would that be so bad? Then you'd be normal like everyone else."

"Out!" Harry screamed.

"What?"

"Out! Out! Out!" He shoved Tom into the corridor and threw his data pad after him before shutting the doors.

"Well, that was pleasant," Tom muttered to himself on the way to his own quarters and to bed.

---

For three days Harry avoided him. He didn't come to the door. He didn't come to Sandrine's. He took his lunch in engineering. B'Elanna finally cornered him about it.

"Tom," she complained when she joined him for dinner, "Harry is supremely ticked at somebody and I think it's you."

"What's going on?"

"He's terse. He's snapping at everybody. His work is shoddy and there are rings under his eyes. What happened between you two?"

"I. . . we. . . I was cavalier about something he cares about. I'll find a way to apologize."

"Good." She stabbed at her food. "I don't know how much longer we can take his wrath."

"Is it dead?"

"I'm making sure." She smiled. "So, were our suggestions good ones?"

"Suggestions?"

"About your friend's crush."

"Oh." Tom swallowed. Now was the time to make this up to Harry. "There was no lady friend. I. . . I wondered what your answer would be."

"Excuse me? You were manipulating me?" She shot to her feet.

"I - "

"I was right. You are a pig." Then she stomped out.

"Damn!" Well, Tom thought, time to fly by the seat of my pants again. Harry might have been mad for longer, but maybe he could stop B'Elanna before she worked herself into a full fury. Of course, to do that he'd have to consult Harry because Harry always knew how to handle these situations. Some days it just didn't pay to get out of bed in the morning.

Sighing, Tom abandoned his dinner and made his way to Harry's quarters. "Harry!" he called, pounding on the door for effect. "Harry, open up. You've sulked long enough and now it's time for me to get on my knees and apologize."

The door finally opened. "Yes, Tom? You said something about knees?"

Dramatically, he dropped to the floor. "Please, please, accept my humblest of apologies. There are days when I don't want to. . . be a blonde either. And I would hate to have such a decision forced on me."

"Get up and get in here before you turn me on too much."

"Ooo, Harry, are you coming on to me?" Tom joked back as usual, flushing a little. Their recent revelations injected a new edge into their banter. It felt private and just a bit kinky. Harry pulled back to let him in. "So, Har, in an attempt to fix the situation I kinda fucked up something else."

"Tea?"

"Yeah. I told B'Elanna she was the lady friend, that I was wondering who she would say."

"You wanted your ribs broken or something?"

"I just. . . it was the first thing that came out of my mouth." He sighed. "I guess I was subconsciously hoping she would say me when I told her about it."

"Maybe she automatically excluded you because you two are together. Ever think of that?"

"Maybe she's boffing Chakotay on the side."

"Tom, you're being paranoid. Here." He turned to the replicator. "Dozen long-stem, red roses without thorns." The flowers shimmered into existence. "Here, give her these. She'll perk right up. Worked on Libby all the time."

"Really? He liked flowers?"

Harry smiled wistfully. "Yes, he liked flowers very much. I used to bring home a bouquet every Friday." He grinned. "It got good results."

Gesturing with the flowers, Tom grinned. "You speak the wisdom of ages, my friend. I'll see you at breakfast."

"Breakfast. Later, Tom."

Grinning like a madman, Tom set out for B'Elanna's quarters. Along the way Neelix caught up with him.

"Are those for your pretty lady?" the Talaxian asked knowingly.

"Indeed they are." He couldn't stop grinning. "Harry's idea."

"It seems the ensign gives good advice. Flowers are just the thing to improve a woman's mood. Very romantic."

"I thought so myself."

"Kes loved flowers." Neelix looked off into nothing wistfully, the exact same way Harry had only minutes ago.

"I remember. She used to grow them in the airponics bay if she had space."

Neelix grinned. "She'd hide them in and among other things. Quite the little green thumb she was."

"Do you. . . do you still miss her?"

Smiling fondly, Neelix patted Tom's back. "Terribly. But the ache is fond now, not nearly so painful."

Just then they rounded the corner in time to see Chakotay kissing B'Elanna passionately, her back shoved hard against the doors to her quarters. For a moment Tom just gaped in shock, but then he ducked back behind the corner dragging Neelix with him.

"Oh, my," Neelix whispered.

"Okay, okay. Promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!" Tom hissed, shaking the Talaxian lightly.

"If that's what you want."

"It's what I want."

"Come to the mess hall and I'll make some tomato soup for you. We'll talk."

"No, I have to go see Harry." Breathing heavy, Tom tried to calm down. "I'm sorry, Neelix. It's just. . . "

"It's all right, Tom. You need your best friend right now. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about this." As he spoke, Neelix guided his charge toward Ensign Kim's quarters. "Everything will be all right eventually." Whispering soothing things like that, he took Tom all the way to Harry's door and rung the chime. When the door opened, he led Tom through.

"Neelix? Tom?" A tousled-haired Harry, obviously dressed for bed stood in the middle of his quarters.

"Here, you sit down on the couch," Neelix commanded his charge, "and Harry will be here. Everything is all right. Do you want me to tell him."

"No," Tom whispered dully.

"Okay then. Good night, Tom. Good night, Harry." And Neelix left.

"Uh, goodnight," Harry called after him uncertainly. "Tom? What's this all about?"

"She is. . . you know."

"What?" He sat down next to his distraught friend and pulled him close. "Who is and what are they doing?"

"B'Elanna. She is doing Chakotay. I saw them. We saw them, Neelix and I. Gods, the whole ship is going to know."

"I can't believe it." He held up his hand to forestall Tom's protest. "I don't mean that you didn't see it. I just didn't think she was that much of a bitch." He pulled his friend down so that Tom's head rested in his lap. Gently, he played with Tom's hair. "So, I guess this means you'll finally break up with her."

"I guess. There's no working this out, huh?"

"You know, I think you're letting your previous relationships bother you too much. You're not a failure because B'Elanna Torres is dysfunctional and unfaithful."

"But - "

"No!" Harry snapped. Tom tensed, so Harry redoubled his soothing efforts. "No, don't even think you're at fault here. Truthfully no one person can fuck up a relationship, but it's not your fault that Miss B'Elanna Torres can't hold it together. She gave you nothing to hang onto. This was not your fault." Tom just burrowed farther into Harry's lap, hiding his sniffles. Long into the night they sat like that, Harry keeping up his cooing comfort until they both fell into uneasy sleep.

---

By the time they woke in the morning there was just enough time to rush around like madmen to get ready for their shift. Apparently it was auspicious of a hectic day, because they didn't see one another again until Harry tracked his friend down at Sandrine's, long after dinner.

"Tom."

"Hey, Har." He lined up his next shot as though everything was right with the universe, as though hadn't been bawling his eyes out all over his best friend the night before.

"Think we could sit down?"

"I'm playing here."

Frowning, Harry sat on the edge of the pool table so he could watch. "So, how you doing?"

"Fine."

"Going to break up with the bitch?"

"Such language, Ensign."

"Uh-huh. Well?"

"I want to find a properly humiliating way to do it first."

"That's my boy." Harry grinned. "Taking any suggestions? I've got tons."

"I thought you and B'Elanna were friends."

"She hurt you."

Tom finally stood up and they stared at one another for a moment. "Maybe we had better sit down." He lead the way over to a table, stopping at the bar to collect two beers. "So, I thought I might catch them in bed together, then set the bed on fire."

"How about something not so Suder-istic."

"Picky, picky, picky." Tom chuckled. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Har."

"End up in the brig most likely."

"Or not get beat up on shore leave."

"Or that."

Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres stalked into Sandrine's on the first officer's arm. They made a stately couple. Chakotay stopped at the bar, but she kept coming.

"Guess this is it," Tom whispered. Harry patted his arm in support. Tom lurched to his feet and met his former love halfway. "B'Elanna."

"Hey. Aren't we going to sit with Harry?"

"No. Well, I am, but. . . B'Elanna, I need some space." He leaned casually against the bar. "I don't think we should see one another anymore."

"What?"

"You heard me. I need space."

"But we're in love. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Of course it does, why doesn't it mean anything to you, he wanted to scream, but kept his calm, cool façade instead. All the better to piss her off. "I'm sorry, when did I say that I loved you?"

"Last night. You know, right after I let you ravish me on the fuckin' floor again."

"I seem to have forgotten."

B'Elanna backed up, counting to herself before she did something drastic. "I was right to begin with. You are a pig." She stomped out, Chakotay hot on her heels.

Tom waited for Harry to join him at the bar. "Ready to book before they all kill me?" he asked.

"You are so courageous."

"What are you talking about?"

"You did that just so she and Chakotay could be seen making kissy face tomorrow without repercussion. In fact, I bet people will cheer for her."

Tom squirmed. "Let's get out of here. The natives are getting restless." Harry nodded and the two escaped before the crowd could close in on them.

"Wow, they were out for blood, weren't they?"

"Henley looked about ready to rip my arms off," Tom agreed. "Har, could I spend the night at your place again?"

"Sure." He smiled. "I know you're a nice guy even if no one else does."

"Well, don't tell. You'll ruin my reputation."

"You have a reputation to ruin?" Harry teased, palming the door and letting his best friend in. "I'll get some blankets for the couch."

"Wait. Uh. . . um. . . could we both, umm, sack out on the bed?"

"You sure? I mean, knowing what you do about me. . ."

"You're my best friend, Har. I trust you. And, well, I need to be close to you." Tom blushed.

"You can have anything you want. You know that." Harry took the extra pillow he had replicated for Tom long ago and put it on the bed. They both shucked off their uniforms, put them in the fresher and then climbed into bed together. "Computer, lights out."

"You know," Tom whispered, "I wouldn't turn you away if you wanted to let off some tension."

Harry groaned. "Tom, don't say things like that."

"Why not? It's true."

"Because you. . . I. . . I could never take you up on something like that, and just the idea makes me hard."

"Really?" Tom felt breathless for some reason, but he didn't know why. His best friend wanted, needed him. Tentatively he felt the erection Harry was talking about, dancing his long fingers over the hard shaft. He wasn't just hard, he was leaking. Harry pulled away with another groan. "Let me do this for you."

"No. I am not going to push you into anything just because I need to get my rocks off. I'd be no better than those guys you knew in prison."

If it was possible, Tom would have sworn he was falling in love. Maybe he had been for a long time. He dismissed the thought. Harry was a guy after all. Still, he couldn't leave his best friend in this position. "Let me," he whispered, rubbing Harry's stomach. "I want to." Another strangled groan and Harry gave in, thrusting toward Tom's hand. Tom pulled Harry's cock out through the hole in his boxers, pumping it hard. His best friend buried his head in his arm, but muffled groans escaped. Tom sped up. Harry came all over his own chest. Tom was surprised to feel an erection of his own as he politely put lil' Harry back into his boxers.

Sympathy erection?

He chose not to dwell on it. But something could certainly be done about it. "Uh, Har?"

"Yeah," that sweet, sated voice floated back.

"Do you think you could, uh, help me out?"

"Love to." Harry pushed Tom onto his back and scooted down to get a closer look.

"Har?"

"Shhh, let me do this. I want to."

The kid sure did look hungry for it, Tom acceded. He nodded his assent.

Harry pulled down Tom's boxers. "Beautiful. You're huge, you know that?"

"Oh, yeah, already had comparative anatomy. Your hand will fit around it. Promise," Tom teased. Harry laughed, lifted Tom's cock and sucked it into his mouth. "Oh, by all the. . . Harry. . . oh, Harry..." Tom clutched his friend's soft hair and thrust into his mouth. Harry pulled Tom's fingers away and then swallowed, pulling the blonde's cock deep into his throat. Oh, Harry! It was so hot and wonderful! Kahless! It felt so good. No woman had EVER done it like this. He couldn't take much at all. As soon as Harry started doing that thing with his tongue, Tom came. Harry milked it for all it was worth.

"Har, that was. . . wow, you didn't have to do that." Blushing, Tom pulled back up his boxers.

"Like I said, I wanted to."

"Most girls don't ever wanna. . . you know. . . because of..."

Harry grinned. "I don't see why. That's. . . look, I'm not a size queen or anything, but it's rare to get such a. . . mouthful. It was nice. Thank you."

"Thank YOU. Oh, Har..." Tom trailed off, not knowing what else to say. Unconsciously, his fingers trailed down Harry's throat, bleached pale in the moonlight. A part of him. . .

"Shhh," Harry kissed the fingers and then gave them back, "go to sleep." Tom nodded and drifted off.

---

The next morning Tom couldn't look at his friend without blushing. So strange that a piece of him was now inside Harry.

"Good thing the Ops station is behind you, huh?" Harry teased.

"Laugh while you can, but I'll get you back."

"Ooo, I'm scared."

"You should be, looks like Neelix made the purple stuff for breakfast again," Tom announced as they walked into the dining hall. Harry shuddered in fright.


For the rest of the day, Tom was distracted wondering what the encounter they'd had might mean. If nothing else, Tom thought, it means I have to work extra hard to find Harry a good man. Knowing that kid he'll fall in love with me and that would be such a bad thing because, hey, just look at my history. Not exactly Mr. Right in the relationships department. Not once did he consider that he might not love Harry back.

At lunch they had to watch B'Elanna and Chakotay coo at one another.

"That's just disgusting," Harry told him. "Aren't you even the least bit upset?"

"I'm trying not to think about it."

"Sorry."

"It's all right." Tom smiled. "And hey, I'm a free man. What could be better than that?" Harry laughed in agreement. "So, uh, you play squash tonight?"

"Yeah, uh, you're usually out with B'Elanna." He flushed. "Want to come along?"

"Nah, I need a night in. Come by after you're done though, right?"

"Sure."


Tom made it through his shift without fidgeting too much. He could feel Harry's gaze on the back of his neck, but every time he turned around the kid was studiously watching his sensors. He finally stopped looking back when Chakotay gave him the 'look of death #2; I'm just begging to put you on report.'

After shift Harry left for his squash game and Tom went back to his quarters for a bowl of tomato soup. Calm. Warm. Good. Tom smiled, remembering how his mother would make this for him before she died. Home. Yup, this was all the home he needed. Well, except for Harry, of course. Curling up on the bed in his old blue robe, he flipped on his TV. What to watch. . . Hmm. . . He finally settled on several hours of an old black and white called Andy Griffith. Heh, heh. Funny stuff.

He was still glued to the tube when the chime sounded. "Come!"

After a few seconds, Harry poked his head into the bedroom. "Hey."

"Hey. Wanna watch TV?"

"Sure."

Tom made room. Harry kicked off his boots, took off his jacket and settled down next to his friend.

"So, how was the game?" Tom asked quietly. They both lay on their stomaches, their feet kicking in the air.

"Beat him, three sets to two."

"That's good. Worked up a sweat?"

"Yeah. So did he," Harry replied sweetly.

"Why do I not want to know?"

Harry laughed. "I'll spare you."

"You do like Gregor though, right?"

"We've been over this. Except for the shower after my once-a-week squash game, I try not to think about it."

"I was thinking." Tom picked at the coverlet beneath him. "You know, a lot of people in the Maquis are gay, or were when I was in anyway. They got kicked out of StarFleet and the Maquis snapped them right up."

"What are you saying?"

"Just that there's a better than average chance that Gregor is of your persuasion." Tom sighed. "I've been trying to think of someone good enough for you and, well, no one is, but Gregor Ayala doesn't fail too much."

"No one is good enough for me?" Harry asked, amused.

"I'm not sure I trust anyone."

"With what?"

"Your heart. You deserve. . ." Tom rolled onto his back, unconscious of the way his blue robe opened some, revealing creamy, white skin. "You deserve fairy tale love. Some knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet, never break your heart, and live every breath of his life for your happiness."

Unwisely, Harry sidled closer so he could look down at his friend. "That's beautiful, Tom, but highly impractical. I kinda want a human being. . . or comparable facsimile there-of."

"I just. . . I don't want to see you end up with a jerk." His long fingers played with the hair at the nape of Harry's neck.

"And what jerk, exactly, would I fall for?" his gaze riveted on those coral lips. In answer, Tom kissed his. For a moment, Harry was too stunned to do anything, but his body knew what it wanted and returned the kiss feverishly, opening to the sweep of Tom's tongue. Suddenly, he shoved Tom away.

"What was that?" he demanded.

"I didn't know I was going to do that."

"And?"

"I'm sorry, Har. I'm so sorry. The last thing you need is a guy like me."

"Straight guy, remember? Straight guys don't fall in love with gay boys."

"I can't help myself," Tom groaned. "You're so beautiful and pure and caring and. . . and you're the best friend I've ever had. How could I not love you?"

"I love you too." For a moment he lost himself in earnest, blue eyes, but shook himself out of it. "But you're straight. How - "

"Haven't you ever read Nin or Byron or Woodhouse? Sexuality isn't a constant. It's malleable. And I love you, Harry Kim."

Unable to help himself, Harry straddled Tom's thighs and leaned in for another kiss. Passionately, their tongues dueled. Harry finally pulled back, gasping for breath. "Okay. I get this feeling you want me."

In lieu of an answer, Tom pulled Harry's shirt over his head. "Sure you want an old, ex-con?" he whispered, stroking the golden skin flushed bronze with desire.

"I'm sure I want you, Tom Paris." He swooped in for another kiss, using the distraction to push his friend's robe the rest of the way open and get his hands on that pink and cream skin, his fingers carding through the blonde curls. Tom's fingers weren't idle either. He unbuttoned Harry's pants and pushed them and the boxers beneath them down so he get his hands on that beautiful ass. Harry moaned into his mouth. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and pushed himself away. Quickly stripping the rest of the way out of his clothes, he whispered, "Got any lube?"

"Lube?" Tom shrugged off his own robe and the boxers beneath.

"I want you to fuck me. I need you to." Harry went for those luscious lips again, but Tom pulled back.

"I refuse to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" But Harry was distracted in the search for those coral lips, now swollen from kisses.

"Yes." Tom held Harry still until he had the kid's attention. "We'll just do like we did last night. You don't need to do that. It's. . . the other stuff, that's enough for me."

"Are you being noble?"

"Ha ha. Even I can be a good guy once in a while, Har."

Harry couldn't help himself. He started giggling.

"What?" Tom pulled the covers up self-conciously. Harry tugged them back down.

"I don't think you understand. I want this. I need it. I adore being claimed, taken, you know? And I want you to do that for me."

"But - "

"It won't hurt. Trust me?" Harry settled himself over his love again, chewing softly on Tom's lower lip, before he dipped in for another taste. "Now," he whispered, coming up for air, "Where did you say that lube was?"

"I've got something here I use for. . . you know..." Hesitantly, Tom pulled open the bedside drawer. Harry pulled out the lube. "Are you sure - "

"Very sure." Harry turned back to his lover, peppering his face with kisses between his words. "I want you to make love to me. I need to be yours." He kissed his way down Tom's sensitive throat, trying to distract Tom from the fingers he was using to stretch himself. Working his way down Tom's chest he kissed and licked those rosy nipples, then licked a line down to Tom's cock. It had gone soft during their discussion, but Harry had it hard again soon. "It's going to be so good, Tom. I'll make it so good," he whispered before licking the head. Tom's muffled moans floated down to him. He had his fist stuffed in his mouth, the knuckles tight and white. When Harry had him as hard as a rock, he crawled back up Tom's body to kiss him again. One hand slicked it up with lube while he distracted his love with a kiss.

"Ready, love?" Harry got a deep throated moan in response. "I'll take that as a yes." Ever so slowly he sat back on Tom's erection.

"Harry?" Tight, heat bathed him. He looked up. Harry's eyes were shut tight, his head thrown back, his teeth bared. "Harry?" He tried to lift Harry off of him, but his hands wouldn't co-operate. Instead they pulled Harry down faster, eliciting what sounded like a purrrr from the brunette. "Har. . . "

"Shhh." Harry was finally flush with Tom's thighs. "It feels so good."

"Come here." Tom pulled his lover down into another long kiss. Cradling Harry close, he flipped them over.

"Tom?"

"You said you wanted to be claimed."

"Oh, yes. . . " His eyes glazed over with obsidian lust. Tom started slow thrusts. "Hard."

"Har. . . "

"Please, oh, please Tom. Harder right now!"

Helpless to do otherwise, Tom followed directions. Harry was so beautiful, his bronze skin fairly glowed and those rose lips were open to breathy words and heated encouragements. He felt the brush of Harry's knuckles against his abs. Looking down he saw that Harry was jerking off in time to his thrusts. He couldn't help himself. Harry was his, belonged to him and he was going to prove it. He thrust hard, wringing more gasping moans from his love. So, beautiful. So, good. Harry suddenly arched up and came all over both of their chests. Tom followed with a desperate moan, Harry's orgasm carrying him over the edge. Then he collapsed.

They lay like that for a long time until Harry finally gasped and shoved Tom off.

"Uh. . . Harry?"

"Hmmm?" He turned over to see if he could get another, less respiratory inhibiting, cuddle.

"I didn't. . . I mean. . . you didn't. . . "

"I couldn't breathe. Is that what you're trying to ask?" He pulled Tom back to him, cuddling the blonde close.

"Oh. You're sure I didn't hurt you?"

"Did I come or didn't I?"

"That's not an answer."

Harry sighed. "Just a little at first. Just been a while." He grinned. "And as I pointed out before, you're not small."

"I didn't even think about - "

"Relax. The body remembers, okay? That was a compliment I just gave you."

"You mean you. . . " Tom gestured vaguely.

"Shhh, I like it." Harry smiled. "I really like it. I hope you can suffer through doing it again sometime. You know, like maybe in an hour or two." Tom frowned. Harry scowled back. Tom gave in and pulled his love against him.

"I'm suddenly thinking this picture I have in my head of Libby isn't incredibly accurate, a spindly, elfin youth. Almost a girl."

Harry laughed. "Not quite. In fact, not at all." He rolled onto his back and stretched like a cat in the sun. "You want to hear about him?"

"Yeah. He is the previous love of your life after all. That makes him sort of important."

"He was tall, just a bit taller than you, and he had long, black hair. He was a pretty big guy actually. And he loved to play the cello more than anything else in the world. We met at Julliard. He was a much finer artist than I. He continued his career long after I returned to the academy." Turning back, he pillowed his head on Tom's chest again. "Enough about my past. What is this, Tom?"

"This? You mean us?"

Harry shot him a 'well, duh' look.

"We're in love." He pulled Harry tighter against him. "Having no other recourse we'll sneak around and be careful, but I guess we're together. What do you think?"

"I think this will be hard, but I know I love you, so we'll make it work." They kissed to seal the deal. "I'd better get back to my quarters."

"Okay. I love you."

"I know. I love you too. And, Tom, that's better than any fairytale." Harry dressed and left, leaving Tom in bed with his thoughts. Poor kid, falling in love with an ex-con. Mom would never approve. After an hour or two, he finally drifted off.

---

So, they snuck around. Harry would come over and spend a few hours or Tom would, and when they thought they could get away with it, they would spend the night together. And as things do, it inevitably went wrong. Such secrets can only last so long, but few are discovered so spectacularly as this one was.

In search of her pilot, Captain Janeway called for his location. Good, in his quarters. She didn't relish trolling her way through Sandrine's tonight. Tom didn't come to his door. Annoyed, she pinched the bridge of her nose before making an executive decision.

"Computer, open the door, Janeway-alpha-theta." She stalked in like she owned the place. "Mr. Paris!" she called, walking into the bedroom. . . and gasped. Paris and Kim lay twined together, spooned in the twisted sheets. "Tom! Harry?"

They both jerked awake. "Captain," Harry whispered, clutching the sheet to his naked chest.

"My ready room, thirty minutes." She turned on her heel and stalked out.

"Tom?"

"Get dressed. Trust me, Har. I'm thinking up what to tell her."

"We still have time to throw ourselves out an airlock."

Tom zipped up Harry's jacket and kissed his lover. "No Romeo and Juliet yet. We'll get through this. Now, are we ready?"

"No."

"Shhh. . . " Tom kissed Harry senseless. "Okay. Here's the plan. We're going to appeal to her sense of reason." He straightened Harry's collar before leading him out into the corridor. "Trust me. You've got to trust me."

"I'm scared, Tom."

"So am I."

The rest of the walk they made in silence, Harry cuddled close under Tom's arm. To anyone who didn't know, didn't look closely, it was nothing new. They had been walking together for so long, they had become inseparable in the minds of Voyager's crew. No one noticed when Tom nuzzled Harry's hair. It didn't phase them when Harry turned his face into Tom's chest. No one spared a second thought on it when Tom hugged Harry close in the turbo lift and held him in his arms.

Twenty-nine minutes and fifty-five seconds after Captain Janeway had given her order Tom and Harry entered her ready room.

"Lt. Paris. Ensign Kim."

"Captain." They both snapped to attention.

"I don't have to tell you gentlemen what the problem is. As you both know, your. . . fraternization is against StarFleet regulations. I find your situation to be a vexing one." She paced around and around them in dizzying circles. "You're both invaluable members of this crew and as such I don't feel I can offer you the second option given to... people in your. . . situation. That leaves us only one option, gentlemen, and I think you both know what that is."

"Permission to speak, Captain."

"All right, Tom. Go ahead."

"There is a third option, Captain. You have the chance to set a precedent."

"I'm know where you're going, Tom - "

"No, please, Captain, hear me out. Many members of StarFleet who are dismissed for this reason join the Maquis. They make up ten, maybe even fifteen percent. Inevitably some of your Maquis crew will be some of these people. What will you do about them?"

"Are you one of those people, Tom?"

"You know why I was kicked out of StarFleet, Captain."

She turned away and tapped her combadge. "Chakotay?"

. . Yes, Captain? . .

"I need to see you in my ready room."

After a minute of pregnant silence, Chakotay entered. "Yes, Captain?"

"I need for you to be truthful with me. Tom says some of our former Maquis crew members may be gay. Is this true?"

Chakotay glared at the lieutenant. "I have no idea what he's talking about, Captain. Tom's break-up has obviously made him bitter."

Harry gasped, but Tom staid him with a hand. "Respectfully, Commander, you and B'Elanna have nothing to do with this claim. Please- "

The Captain cut him off with a gesture. "You're sure you've never heard anything about this?" she asked her first officer.

"Positive."

Janeway sighed. "It was a good try, Tom, but you both know what we have to do. In troubled times like these regulations are often the only thing holding us together. You know about StarFleet's perversion rules. You chose to break them. I am remanding you to the Doctor's custody until this has been fixed. You have one hour to report there or security will hunt you down and make it so. Am I clear."

"Perfectly, Captain," Harry snapped, just shy of rudeness. Hand in hand, they left.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Chakotay asked.

Rubbing her brow, Janeway told him, "Illicit fraternization."

"Tom and Harry?"

"Yes. It seems. . . I don't know what it seems like. I just know that I can't let it go on. I've remanded them both to the Doctor's care. Let's keep this between us. We need to preserve their positions as senior officers."

"That's why you asked me. . . "

"Yes."

"But. . . "

"If your answer wasn't truthful Chakotay, you'd better tell me now."

He paused. "It was truthful. Shall we go down to Sickbay, Captain, and see how they fare?"

"I think that would be a good idea."


On deck 5, Tom steered Harry into his quarters. "You going to be all right?"

"Is that a trick question?" He pulled Tom down with him onto the couch. "Are we going to do this or throw ourselves out an airlock. We could still escape. The Delta Flyer is stocked and - "

Tom gently stroked Harry's arm until he stuttered to a stop. "Are you really ready to deal with the guilt of leaving, love? What would they all do without us? You know this ship better than anyone besides B'Elanna, some parts better even and I'm the best pilot she has. I don't mean to be arrogant, but these people need us. How long would it be before the guilt completely tore you up?"

"You're right."

"Anyway, I think Janeway would fire on us and I kind of like you alive."

"Even if you won't want me anymore?"

Tom pursed his lips before leaning in to kiss his Harry senseless. "I love you and nothing will change that. Do you understand? Nothing."

"But - "

"Love is not about just sex. I would think that you of all people would know that. You and I are always going to be best friends and no stupid medical procedure can change that."

Harry buried his face in Tom's neck. "Love you."

"I know." Tom lifted Harry's chin and possessed his lips with fierce determination. "Bedroom now, love." Harry didn't reply, only stood and slithered out of his clothes the way he knew Tom liked before walking to the bedroom, giving his lover an excellent view of his ass. Already breathless, Tom shucked off his clothes and followed.

Harry laid out on the bed, his legs splayed. 'Come hither' didn't even do justice to the gaze he directed at his lover. Molten, Tom thought, and I'm about to drown. He lowered himself between Harry's legs and leaned in for the first kiss. Hot and frenzied, they devoured one another. There was no time for the soft, gentle love making they both craved, only the soul claiming fuck they needed. Tom readied them both quickly and then thrust in. Hard. Fast. Powerful. Harry screamed his pleasure, knowing that nothing mattered now, needing to hear the reality of their love. Tom howled as he came.

In the aftermath they kissed softly and cuddled as close as they could without being one skin.

"Tom?"

"Yeah."

"I'll never stop loving you, no matter what they do to us." He buried his head in his lover's chest. Tom felt hot, salt tears.

"Come on, Har. They can't take our friendship away. They can never do that.," Tom whispered. Harry stifled his sobs. "You ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go. I don't relish facing any security."

Slowly, they cleaned themselves and dressed. They didn't speak again until they got to sickbay, at least not with their lips. Their eyes spoke volumes, brimming with love and pain. In sickbay the Captain and Chakotay had already activated the Doc and were waiting for them.

"You're early," she commented.

"Not for lack of trying," Harry spat.

"That's enough, Ensign."

"Permission to be pissed off," he sneered. Tom put a restraining hand on his arm, but he ignored it.

"Is this going to be a problem, Ensign?"

"Oh, no, Captain. I've always dreamed of someone messing with my genetic structure. Can you make me a blonde while you're at it?"

"Harry!" Tom hissed. He spun his friend around. "Time to cut your losses. . . our losses."

"I. . . I. . . " Tears streamed down his face. Tom gave him one last, sweet kiss. "We're ready, Doc."

Almost tenderly, the Doc gestured to the biobeds, his normal brusque manner muted. "If you would both lie down, please."

Tom guided Harry to the first bed and laid him down, running his fingers through the soft, black hair. "Please put him under first, Doc." The Doctor nodded and did so. Tom kissed Harry's hair before lying down on the other biobed. He felt the hypo at his neck and then... blackness.

The procedure itself went quickly. Soon enough the Doc found himself debriefing the Captain and her first officer. "I have changed Mr. Kim's genetic code. However, there is a problem with Mr. Paris."

"Can't you just flip the switch, Doctor?" Chakotay asked.

"There is no. . . switch to flip, Commander," the Doctor snapped. "Mr. Paris has the basic genetic code of a heterosexual already."

"Then how could he have been involved with Harry?" the Captain asked.

"Obviously, sexuality and love are more complicated than StarFleet would have you believe. Why, several of my compendium of contributing physicians have written papers on- "

"We know, Doctor. Please don't remind us again," Chakotay dismissed. "So, what are we going to do?"

"What can we do? Harry's been fixed, so we'll just have to trust that this relationship will not continue. Wake them up, Doctor."

With a heavy sigh, the Doc did. Tom and Harry both sat up, rubbing their heads. "Why do you humans do that?" he muttered. "Genes are all over the body."

"How are you feeling?" Janeway asked.

"Like I want to nail you through the floor," Harry all but hissed.

"Ensign!" Chakotay admonished. Harry laid back down on the biobed and curled into a fetal position.

"Leave them be, Commander. I'll ignore that, Mr. Kim, but I expect a respectful ensign to report for duty at 0700 hours tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am," he whispered.

The Doctor herded his two guests toward the door. "I suggest that both Mr. Kim and Mr. Paris be put on suicide watch."

"Suicide watch? Is that really necessary, Doctor?" Chakotay asked.

"Seventy-two percent of men suicide within a week after the procedure. Ninety-four percent of women."

"As you think best, Doctor," the Captain told him. The two finally left.

Back in the inner-sanctum Tom whispered, "Har, you all right?"

"I don't think it worked."

"Why?"

"I still love you."

"Oh, Har." Tom stopped himself from leaping up to hug his friend. "I love you too," he finally whispered. Harry uncurled a bit and smiled.


Instead of tearing them apart, their mutual secret drew them together, but Harry refused to meet Tom's eyes. For the next several evenings they met in Harry's quarters, just like usual. Harry would practice his clarinet and Tom would read. It was peaceful, but strained, and Tom always got his good night kiss, but it was no more than a peck on the cheek.

Things came to a head almost a week later when Harry went out with Seven to play some pool. Tom was busy with some kind of weird helm modifications that B'Elanna wanted. Seven wanted to practice her social skills, so Harry agreed to help. He came home with swollen lips and Borg sized bruises on his neck to find Tom waiting for him on the couch.

"Har," Tom bit out.

"Tom." Harry dropped his eyes.

"I'll leave."

"Wait. . . " But Harry had no idea what to say and it showed on his face.

"What? You want to tell me who you've been cheating on me with?"

"I'm not. . . it's not. . . we're not together anymore, Tom."

"I'm sorry, I guess I interpret love differently than you do. Forgive my mistake."

"We're different now." Harry scratched ruthlessly at his arms in what was quickly becoming a habit. Tom saw a trickle of blood run down, over his hand. "I can't. . . I'm not me anymore, okay?"

"You're bleeding."

"What?"

"You're bleeding. Let me see your arm, Har."

"No." They stared one another down. Finally, Harry offered his arm. Tom pushed back the sleeve. Beneath was a mass of scratches and open wounds. "I keep thinking if I dig deep enough I can get the stranger out," Harry whispered.

"Sit down. I'm going to treat these," Tom told him. Defeated, Harry dropped onto the couch while Tom retrieved a small dermal regenerator. "Take off your shirt." Harry did. His chest and other arm were a mass of the same bruises. "Anywhere else?"

"No."

Tom started on the first arm. "I should really make you go to the Doc with these."

"Please, don't. Please. He'll pull me off duty and. . . "

"And?"

"I just couldn't bear that kind of silence."

Tom nodded and bent his head to his task. All that beautiful golden skin. . . Such a shame. He kissed each abrasion after it was healed and Harry let him. "There," he whispered finally, "all better." He opened his arms and Harry snuggled into them. "All better. Feel better?"

"It's nice to feel you close. I've been so afraid."

"Of what?"

"That you would push me away."

Tom lifted his love's chin so he could look into those bitter sweet chocolate eyes. "Never. Do you hear me? I will never push you away. You can stop running."

"It's not you I'm running from."

"Who is it then?"

"Myself." Harry sighed. "Seven just wanted to practice her social skills, I thought. And then we were playing pool and she offered me a kiss and. . . Tom, I don't think I've ever wanted a woman before. . . okay, maybe in my teenage years, but - "

"Yeah, I remember. Didn't take much back then."

"Right, but it's been years since. . . And suddenly I'm... And. . . " He buried his face in Tom's chest again. Tom rocked him slowly.

"Shhh. . . " Tom stroked his hair. "I understand. It's all right."

"No, it's not all right! It's not!" Harry tried to push away, but Tom wouldn't let him.

"Shhh, shhhh. I've got you. I've got you." He tipped up Harry's chin. "I got you Har," and he leaned in for a kiss. Harry returned it tentatively. "See, Har? It's about love, nothing else."

"Love me?"

"Always."

"Harry pulled away. "So, uh, you want to, uh - "

"I want to make love." Tom reached for him, but Harry evaded him. "Fuck!"

"Look, I'm sorry if I can't be what you want anymore." He scratched at his arms compulsively. "It's not exactly my fault."

"Whatever." Tom collapsed back against the couch again. "Just tell me one thing. Why haven't I changed. You're swinging all over the damn place. You're out to hurt yourself and me. . . I don't. . . I haven't. . . "

"I don't know, Tom. Why haven't you? I still love you. I love you so much it hurts, but. . . I'm just not. . . Look, you used to get me hard just by walking past me or putting your arm around me in the hall. I was that far gone, but now. . . I don't know what to tell you."

"It's not fair."

"Don't you feel the stranger?" He scratched at his chest.

"Stop that. If I have to pull out the dermal regenerator again tonight the Doc will notice." He pursed his lips, thinking. "No, I don't feel it. I don't feel any different than I did before." Harry looked away. His hands twitched, but he didn't scratch. "Look, maybe it's not important. What is important is that we don't let them tear us apart."

"They already have. Don't you see?"

"I see two frustrated people who can beat the system if they try."

"We've already been beaten. Don't you see?" Harry turned away. "I think. . . I think we're just fooling ourselves if we continue this. We will always be friends. Nothing can change that, but our love affair is over. You know and I know. We're only hurting ourselves by dragging it out."

"But - "

"You should go, Tom. I need to be alone."

"But - "

"Please."

Nodding, Tom stood stiffly and left. Never let it be said that he wore out his welcome. Harry was going to have to come to him. And in a way, that's exactly what Harry did.

---

They avoided one another all the next day. The silence was so strained that B'Elanna even mentioned it when she took her lunch with Harry. Tom sat behind them facing the stars.

"What's going on," she asked.

"What do you mean?" Harry countered. B'Elanna obviously gave some non-verbal response because next Harry was stammering out, "Disagreement over. . . the new holodeck program. You know how. . . how opinionated Tom and I can be about things like that."

"You two fight over the stupidest things," she laughed.

"At least I care." Tom heard the clatter of the tray as Harry stood and stormed out. Curious, he finally turned around and looked into a very stunned B'Elanna's face.

"What was that all about?" she finally asked.

"I think he's talking about your affair," Tom replied nonchalantly.

"Affair?"

"You know, with Chakotay? The one where you tore out my heart and stomped on it? Ring a bell?"

"But. . . I. . . "

"Don't worry. You don't matter nearly as much as Harry does." And then Tom took his own leave. Neelix noted, when washing up, that two trays were hardly touched, but he hadn't been paying enough attention to see who it was. Truthfully, both Tom and Harry were losing weight. There were lines under their eyes and sometimes Harry's uniform was spotted with blood. It worried the captain greatly. That night she went to see Tom to try to make some sense out of it.


"Come," he called when the door chimed. She walked in and he stood. "Captain."

"As you were. This is more of a social visit, Mr. Paris."

"Social visit?" He motioned and they both sat. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, that's all right. How are you doing, Tom?"

"Just fine, Captain."

"You don't look fine."

"Harry and I are holding it together as best we can. It's not easy, Captain."

"No, I don't suppose it is." They both sat in uneasy silence. "Why, Tom," she finally asked, grimacing at her own question.

"Because Harry Kim is the most beautiful, bravest, most innocent person I've ever met. And he loves me back. What more could any star-crossed couple ask for?"

"I don't - " She broke off when her combadge beeped. Answering it, they were both dismayed to hear the Doctor on the other end.

. . .Captain, please come to sickbay. . .

"What is it, Doctor?"

. . I have just sedated Mr. Kim and feel that we should speak about his condition. .

"I'll be right there." She stood.

"Permission to come with, Captain?"

"Mr. Paris, I don't think - "

"He's my best friend, Captain. No matter what else has happened that is still true and will continue to be true."

"All right, Tom. Let's go."

By the time they got to sickbay the Doc had already cut Harry's shirt off and was analyzing the open and bleeding sores all over his chest and arms. Ayala was hovering over him like a mother hen. The Doc kept trying to shoo him away, but he wouldn't budge. Finally, when Tom came in, he stepped away to pull the blonde aside. The Doctor sighed his relief. Janeway went into momma bear mode, demanding to know what was going on, but Tom turned to Ayala for that information.

"I thought you guys were going to play your weekly game," Tom whispered.

"Harry showed up in regular gear and said he wasn't up to it. I told him I understood, all things considered. He asked what I meant and. . . " Ayala frowned, stuttering to a stop.

"And what?"

"Everyone knows, Tom. Harry thought it had been kept under wraps, but everyone knows, about your relationship, about the surgery, all of it."

"Oh, gods."

"Quite a few people are a bit. . . worked up about it. I told him I was one of them. You know, that's not why I left StarFleet, but being in the Maquis brings a certain, shall we say, open mindedness to such ideas?"

"I know what you're talking about." Tom pursed his lips. "And he freaked?"

"Mr. Paris!" The Captain called. Obviously she had called his name before and was becoming quite vexed by his lack of an answer.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Did you know about these injuries?" She pointed to the abrasions all over Harry's torso.

"Yes, Captain."

"Explain."

"I, well I found out what was happening and I've been healing them. Harry asked me not to tell because he didn't want to be pulled off duty. He said the time alone would destroy him."

"And you don't think this is self-destruction?" she asked, pointing to a sore on his neck.

"He said that he sometimes thought that if he scratched hard enough he could get the stranger out."

"This is exactly what I was talking about," the Doctor admonished.

"Will he get better, Doctor?"

"It's not likely, no. In my estimation Ensign Kim will be dead by the end of the month."

"See that that doesn't happen, Doctor." Captain Janeway turned on her heel and walked out.

"Doc?" Tom whispered, "why is this happening to Harry and not to me?"

"Because you never had the gene, Mr. Paris. You just loved your friend." The Doctor turned back to his patient. "I suppose I could sedate him for a month," he grumbled.

"But. . . "

Ayala grabbed his arm. "Come on. We've got to catch the Captain."

"Why?"

"Because this is absurd, that's why. I know of at least two people on board who were already dismissed from StarFleet for this. To put them in this situation is double jeopardy, right?"

"I guess."

"Then Captain Janeway has a much bigger problem than she previously thought and she needs to know about it. StarFleet there is one thing, even as much as the whole crew loves him, but a Maquis mutiny is another, right?"

"You think they would actually mutiny?"

"One of them is Henley, so yeah, I think we would." He frowned. "Chakotay knew. . . "

"I called him on it. He threw a fit and denied everything." Even as they spoke, they hurried down the corridor.

"I swear, we'd follow that man to Hell and back, but he's got a blindside ten feet thick."

They caught up with Captain Janeway at the turbo lift.

"Gentlemen," she greeted.

"Uh, Captain," Ayala started, "there's something maybe you should know."

"Which is?"

"We heard what happened to Harry and some of the crew are pretty upset. You know, some of us Maquis joined in order to get away from that regulation in particular in StarFleet."

"What are you saying, Ensign?"

"I - we feel that it's double jeopardy, Captain."

Her lips compressed to a thin red line. "Would both of you please join me in my ready room?" she asked quietly. Nodding, they both followed her onto the bridge. "Commander? Mr. Tuvok? Please join us." She jerked her head toward her ready room and then lead the two men in. Chakotay and Tuvok followed moments later.

"Commander Chakotay, would you please tell me why you lied to me?"

Tom and Gregor Ayala both backed quietly out of the line of fire.

"Lied to you?" Chakotay asked.

"About your crew. I questioned you specifically about homosexuality as having to do with the Maquis and you denied emphatically that you had homosexuals among your ranks. I come to find out that not only is it true, but that decisions I have made, based on information you gave me, will violate rights of members of my crew. I ought to bust you down to crewman for this."

"Captain?"

"Mr. Ayala please tell the Commander what you told me."

Chakotay turned guilty eyes on Ayala.

"Some of the Maquis crew feel that the decision made about Harry and Tom puts them in double jeopardy, because they left StarFleet for the same reason." His eyes were hard, unforgiving, and fiery in their anger. Ayala was an imposing man at the best of times. Right now he resembled a growling grizzly on his hind feet.

"So, gentlemen," the Captain leaned back against her desk, "I'm asking the four of you confidentially what's to be done."

"If you're going to save Harry's life I think you need to change him back, Captain," Tom told her. "I don't know what else to tell you because I'm a bit biased about it all, but Harry's life is at stake. He isn't going to survive like this."

"If we keep on breaking StarFleet regulations we won't be a StarFleet ship by the time we get home," Janeway countered.

"Then give us a chance to settle someplace, Captain," Tom pleaded. "Harry has been instrumental in saving this ship many times. We owe it to him to give him this chance. You're sentencing him to death for something that is no fault of his own. Is that the way you treat the man who saved us from the Hirogen? The man who overworks himself day after day for the good of this ship, the good of this crew? He doesn't do it to curry favor, Captain, not my Harry. He does it because he cares."

Janeway pursed her lips in that way she always did when she was trying to make a decision. "Commander, have you anything to add?"

"Even if certain former Maquis are facing double jeopardy I think they ought to be the exception, not the rule, Captain. Mr. Kim knew the rules when he joined StarFleet. He knew this could happen. I don't see why we should feel sorry for him now."

"Fuck sorry!"

"Tom," Janeway warned.

"No, we are not talking about some little idiosyncrasy he's going to get over. Harry is going to die. You've all sentenced him to death, death or exile in the Delta Quadrant. Hopefully. We haven't even gotten fuckin' permission for that yet!"

"I cannot allow my best pilot and my senior Ops officer to abandon this ship."

"But you can let them die. I fail to see the logic here."

"As do I." During the discussion Tuvok had drifted to the rear of the room, but now he stepped forward. "When the Captain first consulted me on this matter, I felt it was one most easily handled with a, as Mr. Paris would call it, live and let live philosophy. I still think that is a prudent choice. Letting Mr. Kim die is not logical."

"He's not definitely going to die," Chakotay snapped.

"Do we even want to take the chance?" Ayala countered. "Harry is well liked aboard this ship. I think a lot of people would be pretty angry if he did."

The Captain pulled up the Doctor on one of the view screens. "Doctor, if we reversed the process for Mr. Kim, would the damage be undone."

"I think that he would live, Captain. Beyond that I can't be certain."

"Do it."

"Captain?" Chakotay asked.

"The other answers are unacceptable. StarFleet will just have to accept this along with all the other things when we get back." She sighed. "Get him back on his feet, Mr. Paris. Try not to do it in public."

"Yes ma'am." Tom came to attention and then took off, forgetting to even be dismissed.

"You're dismissed, gentlemen." She turned back to her desk. When she looked up again only Tuvok remained.

"Your course of action is commendable, Captain."

"Thank you, old friend. I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with it, but I don't know what else to do. We can't make this trip home without those two. I've come to find, over time, that they are irreplaceable."

"Perhaps and perhaps not. I, however, have no wish to find out. Good day, Captain."

She nodded and the Vulcan left.


Tom raced all the way to sickbay. By the time her got there Harry was sitting up, rubbing his head. The Doctor was mumbling to himself and putting away his instruments.

"Har, how you feeling?"

"What's going on?"

"You're back to normal. Can you feel it?"

"Still love you." Harry grinned. "Then again no silly little operation could change that. Didn't before. Won't this time."

"I know. Let me buy you dinner. We'll talk all about it." Tom held out his hand. Harry took it. They walked quietly through the corridors, nodding to those they passed, but avoiding conversation. The buzz was on, however. Tom and Harry were holding hands again.


In his quarters Tom lit some candles and pulled out a bottle of wine he had been saving for a special occasion. While Harry opened it he replicated some bread and cheese and spread it out on the table. Harry poured the wine.

"Cheers."

"Cheers, Har." Even as he swallowed he sat back to take in the beauty that was his love, all ebony and glittering bronze. Melted Godiva chocolate eyes stared back at him.

"Don't stare, Tom. You're making me nervous."

"Marry me."

"What?" Harry almost dropped his glass.

"I guess I should make that a question. Will you marry me?"

Harry shot to his feet, knocking over his chair. "What is it with you? You enjoy mocking me or something?"

"What?"

"You know that we can't marry. I don't even. . . even... "

"The Doctor fixed you. Didn't he tell you?" Tom followed Harry and pulled the young man into his arms. "Ayala and I argued and argued until we got the Captain turned around. Don't you feel different?"

Harry licked at his suddenly dry lips. "Yeah."

Tom couldn't resist the invitation and bent to kiss his friend. What he'd meant to be a simply peck opened into a torrent of emotion, hands clutching one another close, mouths open, accepting, and their tongues wrapped around one another like their bodies soon would be. Harry finally pulled back to catch his breath.

"I see," he whispered.

"Sit," Tom commanded, righting the chairs. "Look, I know we can't really get married, but the Captain has all but sanctioned this relationship. If we. . . I mean. . . if we swore to one another. . . and -"

"Yes, Tom. I'll marry you."

Tom leaned in for another kiss, this one long and sweet. "We should get undressed and. . . before we can't. . . "

"Yeah. . . "

Expediently, they each shoved out of their own clothes before racing for the bedroom. Harry reached the bed first and he laughed as Tom plopped down on top of him and tickled him.

"Feel okay?" Tom whispered.

"At home in my own skin," Harry whispered back. And he was. Blood coursed through his racing heart so fast as to make him light headed. "I love you, Tom."

"Love you too." Tom spread kisses all over his Harry's chest, moving south. With gentle nips and licks he had his love panting and squirming, begging for more.

"Tom?"

In all their play Tom had never done this. Truthfully, Harry had never asked, but now, as Tom's breath bathed his cock, Harry held his own. Tentative licks followed, driving him insane. He grabbed fistfuls of the white sheet to keep himself from grabbing Tom's face and shoving it down on his cock.

"I know when I fell in love with you," Tom said.

"When?" Desperate, Harry reached for his love, pulling the blonde into his arms.

"When you wouldn't take advantage of me, that first night. I mean, I already loved you, but I fell headlong for you that night."

"I fell in love with you right after Akritari."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You just. . . your blind faith in me was amazing. I'd already had a crush on you for so long, but then, over a bowl of fudge ripple pudding no less, I looked up and suddenly knew that I was in love with you. It was. . . hard."

"Shhhh, we have each other now." Tom kissed his love senseless. His long fingers re-memorized every bronze inch of Harry's skin, and all that time they were kissing, long, passionate, breath-taking kisses of promise, renewal and celebration. Harry was the one who finally turned over and tried to crawl to the bedside drawer. Tom kept pulling him back, scattering teasing kisses over his spine.

"Tom! Stop!"

"Stop?" The blonde stuck out his lower lip in an admirable pout.

Helpless to resist, Harry sucked on that lip before kissing his lovely again. "Now, let me get the lube."

"Who's stopping you?" Tom dragged him into another delicious kiss.

Harry reached behind himself blindly for the drawer, finally finding it after many more kisses. He pressed the tube into Tom's hand. "Now, Tom. I need you."

"When?" Tom rolled Harry onto his back and began to stretch him.

"Today, tomorrow, next month, next year, the rest of my life, but particularly right now." He moaned, thrusting himself onto Tom's fingers.

"This is it, Har. You ready for that?" Tom sat up and pulled Harry's hips into his lap.

"Ready. Forever. You?"

"Oh, yeah, Har. I do." And he thrust in. Harry's head rolled back with a long moan. Beautiful. "Beautiful. Open your eyes, beautiful." Ebony lust bored into Tom's blue-eyed gaze. "That's my Harry, my beautiful Harry. Moan for me, Har. Scream." Harry's head rolled back again and he let loose a mewling cry, the passion he'd always bitten back before. Tom was slamming into him, twisting his hips to hit all the nicest places. Their hands locked together on either side of Harry's head trapped the young man against the bed, helpless against the tide of Tom's passion. Harry came, screaming Tom's name, shooting across his chest. His orgasm dragged Tom down into the maelstrom. He collapsed to the side.

Together, they smiled and calmed, found the sheet and something to wipe themselves off with, all without speaking. The moment seemed sacred. Finally, they spooned together and just lay for a while listening to each other breath.

"So, that skin still feel good?" Tom asked finally, rubbing Harry's tummy softly.

"Feels great."

---

End