by Choirboy
---
Spoilers for the episodes "Coda" and "Blood Fever".
Very mild - in fact, no sex at all, but patience is a virtue. . .
---
The days passed aimlessly by. The crew resumed their normal day to day
routine, although there seemed to be a sense of 'what the hell' in
the air. It was as if the captain's brush with death had served as a
reminder that they were so vulnerable out here in the Delta Quadrant.
Janeway was one of those captains that seemed to be turned out from the
same mold as Kirk, a lead from the front, go-getter kind of captain, who
had always seemed indestructible. Even her enforced exile on the planet
that she and Chakotay had named New Earth had only seemed to be a blip on
the scanner, as Harry had gotten straight to work finding a way out of the
mess.
But the captain dying?
That put a whole new perspective on things. People realised that they
could die just as easily in a transporter malfunction as they could in a
phaser fight, and this brought about a new attitude on Voyager. Crewmates
that had always thought of their colleagues as just friends suddenly began
seeing them in a different light. Certain holodeck programmes began to be
reserved weeks in advance, such as 'Moonlight on the lake' and
'Christmas in Paris'. Even Tom's 'Sandrine's'
programme was constantly busy, as the holographic maitre'd struggled
to find secluded corners for all its customers.
Three people were unaffected by this. The captain refused point blank to
consider any kind of relationship with one of her crew. It was downright
unprofessional. How, she asked herself, could she ever discipline one of
her crew, if she happened to be sleeping with them? Especially
Chakotay. . .
The other two that seemed not to be bothered by this outbreak of domestic
bliss were her pilot and Ops officer. Harry was apparently keeping himself
for his fiancée, Libby, while Tom. . . Tom was definitely
preoccupied with something.
Although he continued to carry out his duties with the same amount of
professionalism, there seemed to be no. . . love in the role. As there was
nothing wrong with his work, Janeway couldn't really bring anything
up, but he was one crewmember who needed watching. Maybe when the crew
evaluation reports were due, she could have a quiet word with Chakotay -
although, a quiet word in some secluded corner with Chakotay was probably
just what she didn't need right now.
God, life was hard away from the rulebook! Sometimes she felt that for
every tweak she gave the principles of Starfleet, a small part of her
died. Everything she held dear in her career, and lets face it, for the
last few years, her life, seemed to be contained under the heading
"Starfleet Regulations". They were all this crew had to work
with, and she was determined to the point of obsession to keep this ship
on the straight and narrow. If that meant keeping her captain's pips
on twenty-four hours a day, then so be it.
---
Harry sat back in his chair and tried to come to terms with his feelings.
He loved Tom, he knew that. What he had always thought, however, was that
he loved Tom as a brother, or as a best friend. But the recent events down
on the planet with Tom, Bel and Vorik had awakened something in him that
he didn't think had any place in this equation.
He had stood in the transporter room as the landing party had beamed back.
Tom was supporting B'Elanna, while Tuvok carried the unconscious form
of Vorik in his arms. Chakotay curtly ordered the crew to sickbay and left
to find the captain. Tom looked over and smiled wearily at Harry as they
left, and the young officer just had time to notice the teethmarks on the
pilot's cheek as the door closed behind them. What the hell had gone
on down there?
Later that evening, Tom relaxed in Harry's quarters as he did most
nights when Sandrine's was full. Harry played some soothing Mozart on
his clarinet, while Tom unwound from the day's events.
"So I told her," Tom finished, "that her Klingon half
wasn't all that scary and that I wouldn't mind seeing it again
some day. And you know what she said?"
Harry shook his head, carefully replacing the clarinet on its stand.
"She said 'be careful what you wish for, Lieutenant.' What do
you make of that?"
"Hell, Tom, I don't know. Maybe she was just teasing?"
The pilot shook his head. "No, something's going on in that mind
of hers. I don't know what, but I'm going to find out."
Harry sat down in his favourite chair. "Don't you think you might
be pushing it, Tom? She's been through one hell of a scare, thanks to
that idiot Vorik. Leave her alone for a while, and let her come to terms
with herself again."
"Always the wise one, Harry. But what am I going to do to get my
kicks if I can't hang around B'Elanna?"
Harry took a deep breath. "Tom, have you ever thought of looking
around you at the other people on Voyager?"
Tom fixed his friend with a piercing stare. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it seems to me that you try very hard at being everyone's
friend. You know, the class clown? But no-one else on Voyager has as many
'friends' as you do. In truth, there are very few people you
actually care about, are there? The captain, B'Elanna, Kes? What about
the people you think of as just friends? Have you ever thought that some
of them might want to be more than that?"
Tom stiffened. "Forget it, Harry. There's one thing I've
learned in this life. Don't fall in love. If you don't fall in
love, then you can't get hurt. And if you can't get hurt, then
you're OK." He got up to leave.
"Tom, wait!" cried Harry. "I didn't mean. . . "
"Goodnight, Harry."
The door closed behind him.
---
Tom made a point of avoiding Harry the following morning. They had the
bridge shift together, but Tom staggered his lunch and so went later than
Harry. When the shift was over, Tom almost bolted for the lift while Harry
briefed his relief. As her Ops officer disappeared through the doors,
Janeway breathed a sigh of relief. She turned to Chakotay, her voice
pitched so only he could hear.
"It wasn't just me, was it? There was a definite atmosphere
today."
Her first officer nodded, his tattoo creasing into the lines in his
forehead as he thought. "Tom hasn't been right since we returned
from the planet yesterday. Do you want me to talk with him?"
Janeway considered the matter, then shook her head. "I've always
made it a point of etiquette not to interfere in my officer's private
lives. If Tom has a problem that he wants to discuss, fine. Until
itbecomes a problem for Voyager, I'd rather leave well enough
alone."
Chakotay nodded his acquiescence, then turned back to his monitor,
wondering how much longer she could continue to treat this mission as a
quick trip around the block. Surely, he thought, she must realise the
long-term effects of space travel? No one had ever attempted a journey of
this magnitude without going into stasis, and the repercussions could take
years to show themselves. A thought suddenly struck him.
"Captain," Chakotay murmured, "have you considered the
possibility that Tom is lonely?"
Janeway turned to face him. "Lonely? Why, no I hadn't. Do you
think that's what it is?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. But Tom has always played the part
of being everybody's friend on Voyager, without actually forming
friendships with most of them. Think about it. He designed the perfect
social environment in Sandrine's, for everyone to use. He designed the
transwarp drive to try to get everyone home quicker. He risked his life
with Seska to try and save everyone from the Kazon. Everything Tom has
done has been for the whole crew. He's never put himself out for any
one person until yesterday, when he volunteered to try and help
B'Elanna through the Pon farr. And when he does try to help someone
who I'm sure he considers a friend. . . "
"She rejects him to fight Vorik," the captain finished.
"It's an interesting theory, Commander, but there is one person
on board who considers Tom his best friend, and would certainly expect to
be regarded as Tom's best friend. What about Harry?"
Chakotay matched her gaze with a concerned one of his own. "Yes,
what about Harry?"
"Are you saying that Mr Kim has some kind of ulterior motive in
befriending Tom?"
The Commander shook his head. "I don't know, captain. I am
concerned that Harry seems to have latched onto Tom as some kind of icon.
If Harry tries anything with him, I'm not sure how Tom will
react."
Janeway's eyes narrowed. "Tries anything?"
"Oh Captain, isn't it obvious to you? Harry is in love with
Tom!"
---
End
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