Hardened Criminal V - Adjustments

Adjustments by Nicole S. & Orithain
1999/10

RATING: NC-17 for m/m sex

ARCHIVE: Okay to RatB, Den of Sin, allslash, All Things Rat,
Amothea's Angst Archive, Slashville and Sandy's Mostly-Slash
Rape-Stories. Anywhere else, please ask us first.

SERIES: Hardened Criminal V

EMAIL: orithain@aol.com
oscar204@aol.com

WEBPAGES: https://www.squidge.org/terma/orithain/orithain.htm
https://www.squidge.org/terma/nicole/nicole.htm
http://members.tripod.com/Nic-S

DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Krycek belong to CC, 1013 and Fox, and
we'll return them a little tired but a lot happier when we're
done.

NOTE: Now there are *two* of them! Amy has joined Aries in
chanting at us for more HC. Okay, we concede, we are your
obedient slaves. . . And if you believe that, boy, have I got a
deal for you! ;) Thanks to the ravening mob for the
"encouragement" and to Aries for pointing out when things just
didn't make sense.

STORY SUMMARY: Alex and Fox start to adjust to a life together.

Alex woke up in Mulder's arms, and for a moment, he was afraid
to open his eyes, afraid that it was all a dream. But he did
open them, and Mulder was there, wrapped around him, his
heartbeat a comforting thud beneath Alex's cheek. For the first
time in a very long time, Alex Krycek smiled when he woke up.

"Good morning," came the sleep-roughened voice from above his
head.

Alex smiled and snuggled closer, unwilling to move just yet.
He'd dreamt of this for so long. "Is it still morning?" he
murmured, remembering how they'd made love again and again the
night before, then talked for hours. He didn't think there was a
single instant in either of their lives that the other didn't
know about now.

"Probably not," Mulder replied. "Which means we really should
get up. Sam could get here at any minute."

"Too late, big brother," a laughing feminine voice put in,
making both of them squeeze their eyes shut in dismay. They felt
the mattress shift as she sat down, and Fox fumbled blindly for
the sheet, yanking it up to their waists. "You must be Alex,"
she continued. "Hi. I'm Sam."

Alex opened his eyes again to find a hand extended practically
under his nose. He sighed, cheeks flushed with embarrassment,
and shook it. This was not how he'd pictured their first meeting.

Sam grinned at the two obviously embarrassed men. She hadn't
planned this, but she was rather glad that it had happened.
Seeing them like this, all their defenses down, bodies entwined
together like some Chinese puzzle, it was clear that they really
did love each other. When Alex glanced up at Fox and their eyes
met, she could see the love in the look. The last of her doubts
were put to rest.

"Hi Fox," she chirped, leaning over, one hand on Alex's
shoulder for balance, to kiss her brother's cheek.

Mulder glared at her. "Would you please get out of here so we
can get up?"

"I'm a doctor, big brother. I've seen it all before."

Fox growled, but she only grinned at him unrepentantly. Alex
couldn't help it; he burst into laughter. Sam smiled with
satisfaction and headed for the kitchen, telling them that she'd
put the coffee on.

As soon as she left, Mulder let out a heartfelt groan. "I
shoulda sold her when she was a kid."

Alex snickered, though the flush of embarrassment hadn't yet
faded from his cheeks. "Well, you have to admit it was a
memorable introduction."

Fox snorted. "I'd really rather my kid sister didn't remember
quite so much of you."

Alex eyed him, unsure if that was protectiveness for his sister
or jealousy of him speaking.

Fox sighed. "Look, I know I can trust you both - And I do! -
but I also know that you never even considered a man as a lover.
And you're beautiful. There's no way I'm going to be comfortable
with you being naked around a woman." He looked sheepish when he
finished, but he meant every word.

Alex shook his head in disbelief. "I love you, you idiot. I
don't want anyone else."

Mulder chuckled at that oh-so-romantic declaration, and so did
Alex when he realized what he'd said.

"Come on," Alex urged, getting to his feet and pulling on a
pair of sweats and a T-shirt from the clothes Fox had bought for
him. "If we don't get out there soon, your sister is going to
come in here after us again."

With that to inspire him, Fox was up and dressed similarly in
moments. Remembering the night before, he knew they really ought
to shower, but it wasn't as if Sam didn't know that they were
lovers. Coffee first, then shower. Preferably with her out of
the house.

They made it into the kitchen with only one stop to kiss along
the way, a miracle of self-restraint in Mulder's opinion and one
he didn't really appreciate. He glared at his much-beloved
younger sister, whom he wished on another planet at that moment.
Sam and Alex both snickered, and he bestowed a wounded look on
his lover.

//Great, just great. They have the same damned sense of humor.
I'm gonna be outnumbered for the rest of my life.// He grumbled
mentally for a moment, then watched his sister and lover joking
together as if they'd known each other all their lives. //I'm
damned lucky to have them.// He suddenly stood up and swept them
into his arms, startling them. "I love you," he stated, getting
happy smiles from both in response.

Sam had gone out after breakfast, saying she knew they needed
some time alone. "I'll get together with some of my friends,
then I'll meet you for dinner. Did you want to go out somewhere
to celebrate or stay in tonight?"

Before Fox could say a word, Alex had replied, "Stay in. I want
to celebrate in our home. Nothing could be better."

Samantha had given him a look of gratitude Fox couldn't see.
She had known perfectly well that Alex was trying to minimize
his public appearances in Fox's hometown to give her brother a
chance to decide how he wanted to handle it.

After she left, Alex and Fox took a long shower together, only
dragging themselves out when the hot water began to run out.
Wrapped in a towel, Fox headed down to the living room to find
the family photo albums that Alex wanted to see, planning to
bring them back up to the bedroom so they could curl up in bed
together while they looked through them.

Albums in hand, he turned to go back upstairs to the bedroom
only to stop in shock.

"Hey, Fox, what's up? My mom wasn't feeling well and called me
to come up and help her with some stuff. Once I get everything
done, I thought we could get together for a pizza and some beers
tonight."

"Mike." Fox felt like he was moving in slow motion, everything
seeming to be at a distance, almost like there was a sheet of
glass between him and the world.

"Hey, what's up, Fox? You're not mad that I let myself in, are
you?" Mike was puzzled. He and Fox had been letting themselves
into each other's homes since they were kids. Granted he hadn't
done it often since they stopped being lovers, but it didn't
seem to warrant the shock Fox was displaying.

"What's taking so long, Fox? Did you get lost?" A laughing
voice came from the hallway, getting louder as the person came
downstairs, and Mike suddenly realized that he might have
interrupted something. Before he could say anything, the man
stepped into the room, wet hair slicked back and a towel wrapped
around his waist. The newcomer froze, his eyes widening as he
stared at Michael.

Michael stared back, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"Krycek?" he whispered almost soundlessly, making Mulder
flinch. "Krycek!" he snarled, taking only a single step toward
the man he hated before Mulder yelled "no!" and jumped in front
of him.

"Fox?" Mike couldn't believe this. There had to be some kind of
explanation.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I never meant to hurt you," Mulder offered
sadly, never moving from between Mike and Alex.

"That's *Krycek*," Michael practically spat the name. "That's
the man who killed my Jamie."

Listening to them, Alex closed his eyes, his belly clenching as
if against a blow. He was desperately afraid that he was about
to lose Fox, that their time together was about to end. //No!//
he thought desperately. //It's not enough! Damnit, you can't
take him away from me after less than a day.//

Michael looked over Fox's shoulder at the man who had the same
stony expression now as he'd had in the courtroom. He clearly
didn't feel a thing, didn't give a damn about anyone except
himself. Michael's lip curled up, and he pushed Fox aside,
determined to kill the little bastard who'd taken Jamie away
from him. He was shocked when Fox grabbed him by the shoulder,
swinging him around, and punched him. He reeled back a step and
simply stared.

"Please, Mike, don't make me do this," Fox begged, firmly
planted between Michael and Krycek.

"What are you doing, Fox?" Mike demanded in bewilderment.
"That's Krycek!" He sounded like a hurt child who'd been
betrayed by a trusted adult, and Mulder flinched.

"I know, Mike. But I can't let you hurt him." Mulder's voice
was raw with his pain.

"Is this some kind of work program and you got stuck with him?"
Michael begged Fox to provide some kind of reasonable
explanation.

"No, Mike." Fox had to look away and take a deep breath before
continuing. "Alex lives here. With me."

"Fox?" Mike pleaded.

Fox couldn't meet his eyes. He stepped back until his back was
pressed against Krycek, and he reached back to take one of
Krycek's hands in his, lacing their fingers together tightly.
Hanging on tightly for courage, he forced himself to raise his
gaze and meet Mike's bewildered, betrayed pain head on.

"I love him, Mike."

Michael actually flinched as if a body blow had been landed.
His eyes met Fox's again, and there was nothing except anger,
hatred and disgust in their depths. "I don't know you." And he
turned and walked out.

Mulder stood staring after his best friend, shivering with
reaction, and Alex wrapped his arms around him, trying to
comfort him. Mulder raised desolate, muddy brown eyes to him.

"He hates me. I've lost him."

Alex hugged him even more tightly for an instant, then
carefully released him and stepped back. "That's not necessarily
true. All you have to do is go after him and explain that it was
some kind of temporary insanity. He'll forgive you. He's praying
for you to do exactly that right now."

"No!" Mulder exclaimed sharply. "He's been my best friend all
my life, and I'll miss him, but I wouldn't give you up for
anyone, not even Sam. I love you."

"God, what a pair of fools we are," Alex groaned. "Okay, babe,
you're stuck with me now."

"Good." Mulder gazed longingly toward the door one more time,
then lay his head on Alex's shoulder and wept. He wept for
himself, for losing his friend; he wept for Michael, who had
lost his lover *and* his friend; he wept for Jamie, whose death
was the catalyst that had started all of this; and he wept for
Alex, whose life had been turned topsy turvy partially through
his own actions and partially through Mulder's.

Alex urged him back toward the bedroom, where they curled up
together, Mulder just needing the comfort of human contact.
Mulder eventually dozed off, exhausted by his emotional
outburst, but Alex lay wide awake, watching him. //God, Fox, I
have completely fucked up your entire life. I swear to you I
will make you happy from now. Just give me the chance. Please.//
Eventually he too dozed off, wrapped protectively around his
lover like a mother bear protecting her cub.

By the time Sam came home for dinner, both men were downstairs
arguing over which kind of Chinese food they wanted to order. 
The incidents of the day were hidden from her as they ribbed
each other.

"Fox, chop suey is just way too plain."  Alex grabbed the menu
from Wong's out of Mulder's hand and looked at it.  "Hang on a
second, let's see what else is on this menu.  What about chicken
with black bean sauce?  Or lo mein?"

"Black beans?  Why are they black?  Are they bad?  What's lo
mein?"

Both Alex and Sam laughed. "Black beans are black because
they're black!  It's good stuff.  I'll have to make some Cajun
for you one day.  Lo mein are thick noodles that are incredibly
good."  Alex thought for a minute, his mouth salivating. 
"Better yet, where's your phone book, let's get Szechwan
instead."

"We don't have a Szechwan restaurant."

"What do you mean, you don't have a Szechwan restaurant?"

"Fox is lucky to have Chinese food as it is," Sam said.  "Spicy
pork with peanut sauce, lemongrass soup with little dumplings
and shrimp with chili peppers and noodles are a tad weird for
this neck of the woods."

"Oh God, that just makes me want it more."

"I'm telling you, Wong's has great food.  I'm going to order it
whether you like it or not because if I wait any longer, we're
going to starve."

Alex and Sam gave each other a defeated look but then started
laughing.  Mulder rolled his eyes as he started to dial.

They waited an hour before the food came, and all three of them
dug into it ravenously.  Alex was apologetic to Mulder after
tasting it; it was quite good.  Then the three of them settled
down to watch a movie on TV.  Sam curled up in Mulder's chair,
the two men wrapped around each other on the couch.  About
midnight they all went to bed, Mulder and Alex making slow,
quiet love before falling asleep.

Early the next morning, Mulder found himself wide-awake.  He
looked at the clock, 3:29 am.  He groaned to himself; he hated
it when he woke after only a few hours sleep.  He lay there for
a few minutes with his eyes closed and tried to will himself
back to sleep.  // Nope, not going to work.  And now I have to
pee.//

He tried to move but found Alex wrapped around him like a
python, his weight pressing comfortably down upon him.  Slowly,
he disentangled himself, leaving Alex to hug his pillow, sighing
softly in his sleep.

Mulder padded to the bathroom and flicked on the light, his
eyes squinting in the harsh contrast from the previous darkness.
He shut the door behind him, stumbled to the toilet and relieved
himself.  He flushed then washed his hands.  Catching his
reflection in the mirror, he noticed a large bruise around his
left nipple.  He also had a hickey just above his navel.

He smiled as he thought of what he and Alex had done in the
past 24 hours.  He hadn't come that often in years, since. . .
// Mike.//  Mulder shut his eyes as the events of yesterday
suddenly replayed in his mind.  He saw the hurt in Michael's
eyes; he saw himself fucking *punching* his best friend to
defend Alex.

He shook his head, telling himself he wouldn't do this.  He
told himself he wouldn't dwell on what had happened yesterday. 
He had meant what he said when he told Alex he wouldn't give him
up for anyone.  He loved him *that* much.

Mulder opened his eyes and looked at himself.  If Mike couldn't
accept him and Alex together then tough!  Mike had to deal with
the fact that *he* had left *Fox* and gone on with his life and
found other people, and now it was Mulder's turn to find someone
to love.

// But *my* lover killed *his* lover.  And the look on his face
when I told him I loved Alex. . .//

Mulder groaned in frustration, willing the voice inside his
head to be silent.  It was done.  He loved Alex and Alex loved
him.  It wasn't just sex; they had some sort of bond.  Something
he had felt from the first time they were together.

Deep in his heart, Mulder knew that they were meant to be
together, and no one, nothing was going to come between them. 
"No one said it was going to be easy," he said to his reflection.

He flicked off the light and padded back to bed where Alex was
still hugging the pillow.  Mulder crawled in beside him and
settled down, putting his arm around his lover in a protective
embrace.

"Nothing's coming between us," he whispered to Alex before
dropping a kiss onto the sleeping man's forehead.  Mulder lay
there thinking for a few hours, until sleep finally claimed him.

Mulder woke to tender kisses whispering across his jaw.  He
smiled but didn't open his eyes as the kisses moved down his
neck to his chest.  He could feel hands caressing his hips and
thighs with smooth, fluid strokes.

"Good morning," a voice whispered.

"Good morning," he said, his eyes still closed.

"Sleep well?"  The mouth moved down further, kissing his chest
all over.

"Yes," he lied.  "You?"

"Mmmmm, yes.  I dreamt of what I was going to do to you when I
woke up."

Mulder licked his lips, "Yeah, and what's that?"  His eyes
suddenly flew open and he gasped when Alex bit his already
bruised nipple.

"Make you make noises like that."

Mulder moaned as Alex continued the assault on the nipple. 
They made love slowly, Alex paying special attention to every
inch of Mulder's body.  Mulder was brought to the brink time and
time again before Alex allowed them both their release.  They
lay there afterward, limbs twined together until Mulder insisted
they clean themselves up, lest they stick together.

"But I don't *mind* if we stick together.  Then I could kiss
you all day," Alex said, his tongue tracing around Mulder's lips.

"If you're trying to get me excited, forget it."  He sighed,
"It's exhausted."

"It is?"  Alex's eyes glittered. "We'll just see about that."

Alex was kissing him again, his tongue tracing every inch of
the interior of Mulder's mouth.  Alex's hands were also all over
his body, moving down to cup his ass and tease his entrance then
back up to massage his shoulders and arms.  While this was going
on, Alex's hips were moving back and forth, rubbing their cocks
together.  Mulder could feel Alex's cock stiffen and start to
poke into his hip.  He was surprised when he felt his own cock
come alive again; he had been sure it was down for the count.

When the teasing, kissing and rubbing had reached its peak,
Mulder dragged Alex to the shower and took him, hard and rough,
against the tiles, biting into his shoulder as he came, the hot
water steaming up around their naked bodies.  Now he was surely
spent; he slumped against Alex's back, breathing hard. 
Suddenly, there was a pounding on the door.

"You two had better not use up all the hot water, or I'm going
to be really pissed off!"

Mulder's face dropped.  "Oh no, I forgot she was here," he
whispered.

Alex snickered, "Me too."

"C'mon, you two, get out of there."

"Okay, okay.  Give us a minute or two," Mulder yelled.

"I'm giving you two minutes *exactly*.  After that, I'm coming
in, and I don't care *what* you are doing!"

"Oh shit, she sounds mad," Mulder said.  He removed himself
from Alex and began to wash him quickly, then himself.  Finally,
they scurried out of the shower and back to the bedroom to get
dressed.  "I'm never going to get tired of waking up like this,"
Mulder said as he kissed Alex again.

"You mean your sister hearing *everything* we've done in the
past hour?"

Mulder groaned, "I'm thankful she has an open mind."

"Let's hope she's hard of hearing."

"She's not, believe me.  As a kid she could hear me open a bag
of chips two flights down in the basement."  Mulder grabbed Alex
one more time and caressed his ass.  "I meant waking up with you
in my arms and making love over and over again.  I'll never tire
of that, babe.  Although I could use a nap in between sessions."

Alex laughed and pulled away.  "We'd better stop or we're going
to be here all day, and I don't think Sam will appreciate that."

"She'll get over it.  Is staying here with me such a bad
thing?"  Mulder grabbed for his lover one more time.

"Only when I'm *this* hungry.  C'mon, I'll make you breakfast."

They went downstairs, and Mulder took a seat at the table while
Alex rooted through the fridge and the cupboards.

"I can see why you took out that pantry, you don't have any
food to put in it!"

"There's food."

Alex turned around.  "Fox, a hardened block of brown sugar, ten
boxes of Kraft Dinner and an old jar of pickles does not
constitute food.  You don't even have staples such as eggs."

"I had eggs," Mulder retorted.  "But I broke them all when I
tried to make you Chicken Florentine."

Alex laughed, "Fox, there aren't any eggs in Chicken Florentine."

"I know, but the carton fell out of the fridge, and then I
stepped on it."

Alex threw back his head and started laughing louder.

"It's not funny," Mulder giggled.

"Yes, it is," Alex said as he wiped the tears that had formed
in his eyes from laughing.  "Give me the keys to your car, and
I'll go grocery shopping.  I'll make sure I buy enough to stock
this kitchen appropriately."

"I'm not giving you the keys to my car."

"Why not?"

"When's the last time you drove?  Is your license even valid
anymore?  Besides, do you have any money to buy these groceries
with?"

Alex opened his mouth to argue, but then he stopped and crossed
his arms over his chest. "I don't know."

Mulder smirked, "I guess that's something we'll have to do this
week.  We'll see about your license and accessing your bank
accounts.  Meanwhile, get your shoes on, and I'll take you two
for breakfast when Sam is ready, and then we can go grocery
shopping."

Alex licked his lips and thought fast; he didn't like the idea
of them going out in public together this soon.  His stomach
grumbled as he said, "I'm not that hungry.  Why don't I give you
a list, and you can go shopping for me?"

"Bullshit, I can hear your stomach rumbling from over here. 
And I don't want to be responsible if I buy you the wrong
things."

"I trust you. . ."  Alex knew he wasn't putting on a very good
show, and Mulder could sense it because he walked right over and
stood in front of him.

"What's wrong?"

"I. . .do you think we should be seen together?  I mean it's
very new for a lot of people who live in small towns.  Two men.
. .together. . ."  // An ex-con and an ex-CO.//

"Fuck 'em."

Alex raised his eyebrows but said nothing.  They *were* going
to have to come out sooner or later.  This *was* Mulder's
hometown. . .  He smiled weakly but kissed Mulder on the cheek
just the same.  "Okay, I'll get ready."

Breakfast passed without incident at the diner that was located
across from the hospital.  Mulder was right; they did have very
good waffles.  Alex savored every bite; he hadn't had waffles in
so long.  They ate leisurely, Mulder and Sam filling him in
about the details of the town.  Alex noticed how they would
argue with each other one minute, yet agree with each other the
next.  They also jabbed each other a lot with their elbows and
gave each other looks only siblings could.  He felt a twinge of
jealousy; being an only child he didn't have that kind of
relationship with anyone.

Sam had driven her own car to the diner; she had a baby shower
to attend that afternoon.  She gave both men a kiss and left
them to finish by themselves.

When Alex had had his fill of local gossip and coffee, he and
Mulder drove to the supermarket.  It was in a complex on the
outskirts of town with a large hardware store and various other
"big box" stores surrounding it.

"This all opened last summer," Mulder said.  "It's killing
downtown, but we all shop here anyway."  He shrugged and
selected a shopping cart.

Alex and Mulder went down the aisles, Alex placing many items
in the cart that made Mulder's eyebrows rise.  At the outset,
Alex was nervous, looking around, waiting for someone to look at
them strangely.  Fortunately, it wasn't that crowded, being a
weekday, and he soon relaxed.  They had finally gotten to the
bakery section, the last section in the store, with a full cart
when Alex remembered he had forgotten lemons.

"What do you need lemons for?"

"I can't very well make you eggs benedict without lemons.  I
need it for the hollandaise sauce."

"Oh, wait, I've got one of those little plastic lemons that has
juice inside of it."

Alex turned toward him, horror on his face.  "Mulder, that is
*not* real lemon juice."

"Yes, it is; it says it's real on the sticker."

Alex rolled his eyes.  "I'll go get a couple of lemons.  I'll
be right back."  He hesitated for a minute, wanting to kiss
Mulder but instead shot him a grin before he turned and walked
back to the produce department.

Mulder stood there, waiting for Alex to come back, looking at
the freshly baked pies that were on display.  He couldn't decide
if he wanted apple or pecan but didn't want to take both.  When
he was. . . // single?// he smirked at that thought, // Living
alone?// he would have just bought both, taken them home and
devoured one for dinner.  Now he had Alex the gourmet to cook
for him and couldn't wait to try whatever he made for him.

"They have everything here, don't they?" a voice said to
Mulder's left.

Mulder turned around to find Bill Slack, one of the guards he
had worked with at the prison, talking to him.  "Hey, Bill,
what's up?"

"Not much, Fox."  He surveyed Mulder's full shopping cart. 
"You've got quite a load there."

Mulder nodded, but an uneasy feeling started to settle in his
stomach.  The way Bill was looking at him was the same kind of
look the COs gave the cons when they were about to question
them.  "Stocking up."

"I see," Bill said as he leaned in close.  "I heard a rumor
about you, Mulder."

Mulder licked his lips.  The unwritten rule was last names
inside, first names outside.  He knew this wasn't going to be
good.

"I heard that you let some murdering con move in with you,
Mulder.  I heard that you're some kind of fag, that you've been
a fag all along.  That true?"

Mulder didn't say anything.

"I worked beside you up in D block for two years.  And all that
time you were a fag?"  Bill's voice lowered, and his mouth
turned into a sneer.  "Were you thinking of fucking me, Mulder? 
Huh?  What about the other guys?  Were you looking at the other
COs when we were in the showers after all those baseball games?"

Just then Alex came around the corner and saw the
confrontation.  Bill looked up and glared at Alex.  "Here's your
little murdering son-of-a-bitch prag now."

Alex started toward them and was about to say something, but
Mulder shook his head slightly.  "Bill, I'm sorry you feel that
way, but. . ."

"But what?  You're in *love*?"  He snorted, "Did you have
romantic little interludes during working hours? Moon over each
from a distance? Or did you find a way to let this. . .this. .
.scum fuck you up the ass?"  Bill spat, "You make me sick." 
With that he stormed away.

Mulder's heart sank.  He knew people wouldn't welcome their
relationship with open arms, but he hadn't expected conflict so
soon.  // How the hell did he did he figure out anything had
happened at work?  I thought we were careful?  Fuck, who the
hell am I kidding?  Everyone knows we didn't know each other
before he went to prison, so where else could it have started? 
Oh God, it must be all over town by now.//  He felt Alex touch
his arm, and he pulled it away sharply before he realized what
he was doing.  He turned to Alex, "I'm. . .I. . ."

"It's okay.  Let's just go home."

The ride home was solemnly silent, Alex not knowing what to
say.  'Sorry I fucked up your life?  Sorry your friends hate
you?  Sorry the whole town probably knows what we did?'  It
would sound stupid.  They got home and lugged the groceries
inside.  Alex started to put them away but didn't know where
anything went.

"You're going to have to tell me where you want everything. 
I'm not sure where it should all go."

Mulder was sitting at the kitchen table staring off into space.

"Fox?"

"What?"  Mulder snapped back to reality.

Alex put the bottle of sesame oil down and went over to sit
beside Mulder.  He took his hands in his and kissed them. 
"Baby, I'm sorry. . ."

"You don't need to be sorry for anything.  It's their problem
if they can't accept it."  The last words came out as a whisper.

Alex knew Mulder was putting on a brave front; he could see the
tears brimming in his eyes.  Mulder drew in a great shuddering
breath, and a large tear fell from one eye.  Alex wiped it away
with a finger.

"Bill.  That was that guy's name.  Bill was a good guy.  We
worked together, played softball together, drank a lot of beers
together.  He was my friend."  Mulder started to cry.

Alex reached over and took him into his arms.  He had a feeling
Mulder would be doing this a lot.  It was quite an adjustment
from having a good career and friends to just having some ex-con
as a lover.  Mulder cried for a good while before he stopped and
wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand.  He then excused
himself and went upstairs to lie down.

Alex felt bad.  Again, he didn't know what to say to Mulder. 
He tended to clam up when he was faced with any sort of stress. 
Slowly he stood and went back to the groceries that he had
abandoned on the floor.  After he had put everything away and
mostly rearranged Mulder's kitchen, he went upstairs.

Mulder was asleep on the bed, his eyes still swollen from
crying.  Carefully, Alex lay down beside him and snuggled up to
his back.  "I'm sorry," he barely whispered.  "I'm so fucking
sorry."  He kissed Mulder's shoulder and held his lover close,
tears stinging his eyes.

Late that afternoon, Alex was julienning carrots when Sam came
home.

"Hello, anyone home?"

Alex stepped into the hallway from the kitchen and smiled at
her.  "Hey, Sam."

"Hey, other big brother."  She walked up to him and gave him a
hug.

Alex nearly blushed; he wasn't used to people hugging him and
kissing him at will like Sam did.  It felt good though; it felt
like he was actually part of a family.

Sam pulled back and held up a paper bag. "I come bearing gifts."

Alex took it from her and opened it up.  "Wine, good.  Now I
don't need to send Fox for another bottle."

"*Another* bottle?  You two drinking already?"

"No.  I bought a bottle of burgundy today, but I'm using it to
cook with."

"I'm so happy you can cook.  Usually we eat take out when I
come home.  If he had to cook for you, you'd probably starve to
death."

"So I've noticed."  Alex began to remove the foil from the neck
of the bottle.  "I just assumed Fox would have a few bottles of
wine around.  Where I come from, it's just normal."

"Fox is more of a beer and pizza kind of guy.  He's not as
'sophisticated' as us big city folks," she said jokingly.  "He's
a simple guy, always has been."  She looked out into the back
yard. "Where is he, anyway?"

Alex pulled the cork out of the neck of the bottle with a pop
then reached for the freshly washed wineglasses he had bought
today.  "He's resting."

"Resting?  At five in the afternoon?  Is he sick?  Why is he. .
."  She stopped and nearly blushed then said, "Never mind."

Alex handed her a glass of the wine.  He went back and picked
up his glass then leaned back against the counter.  "Your
brother has had quite a trying day today."  He took a sip of the
deep purplish red liquid, savoring the flavor.  // Wow, she
knows how to pick a good wine.//

Sam remained silent, but her expression begged him to continue.

"After you left us at the diner, we went grocery shopping and
ran into someone Fox used to work with."

"Oh no," Sam said, guessing what had happened.  She raked her
fingers through her hair.

At any other time, Alex would have laughed and remarked how she
and Fox had similar mannerisms.  Alex took a sip of wine
instead; too bad it wasn't another time.  "I wasn't there for
the initial confrontation, but the man snarled, 'You make me
sick' as he left."

"Poor Fox."  Sam shook her head.  "Do you know who it was?"

Alex shrugged, "Some guy named Bill."  Alex went over to the
table and sat down opposite Sam.  He put his hands over his face
and sighed loudly.  He hated this; he hated Fox having to go
through this.  They should leave this place and start somewhere
fresh where the whole goddamn town didn't work together. 
Trouble was, this was Fox's home.  He grew up here and put so
much loving work into this place.  How could Alex ask him to
leave?

"Hey," Sam said and touched Alex's hand briefly.  "This is a
small town; the people here aren't used to 'alternative
lifestyle' couples.  Especially considering the circumstances
surrounding your particular relationship.  Unfortunately, they
aren't going to get used to it anytime soon.  It's going to take
a long time for them to come around.  If ever.  Alternatively,
you two could move."

Alex took his hands away from his face and looked at her. "I
was just thinking that."

"Do you know how long I've been trying to get my brother to
move to Boston?"

"But he won't leave the house, right?"

"Exactly.  He's attached to this place, that's for sure.  I
think he thinks that if he leaves, he'll forget Mom and Dad."

Alex nodded and took a sip of his wine then looked at his
watch.  "I should get him up, or we're not going to eat for
hours."

Alex went upstairs and opened the bedroom door to reveal Mulder
sleeping on his side.  Alex crept into bed beside him and
wrapped his arms around his lover.  He kissed his ear gently. 
"Wake up, sweetheart."

Mulder stirred.

Alex continued with the kisses and caressed Mulder's arm and
down to his thigh.  "Wake up, lover."

Mulder moaned, "What time is it?"

"Time for you to come downstairs and have some very good wine
with me and your sister."

"Sam's here?"

"Yeah, it's almost 5:30."

Mulder moaned again, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I slept so
long."

"It's okay.  You must have needed it."  Alex kissed up Mulder's
neck to his mouth where he captured his still sleepy lips.

Mulder pulled away and caressed Alex's cheek for a brief second
before he got out of bed.  "Let me have a shower and get
presentable, and I'll be down in a minute."  He turned and left
without waiting for an answer.

Alex lay there for a second, confused as to why Mulder had left
so suddenly, but put it off to him still being half-asleep.  He
still had a lot to learn about his new lover and his habits.  He
got up and made his way downstairs to rejoin Sam.

"Alex, the Beef Bourgignon was incredible.  I can't believe how
good you can cook," Sam gushed.  "You're lucky to have a man
like this, big brother.  I'll trade you him for Jason."

Mulder laughed but only half-heartedly, "Forget it."  The plate
of food before him was mostly untouched.  The glass of wine
remained only slightly drunk.

"Are you okay, Fox?  You hardly ate a thing."  She looked at
him with her *doctor* look.  "Are you sick?  Should I go get my
bag?"

"I'm fine, I'm just not hungry.  And you can keep all those
little thermometers and tongue depressors to yourself, thank you
very much."

"If you get sick, don't blame me."  She stretched and yawned. 
"I have to get on the road very early tomorrow.  I'm going to
bed."  She stood and kissed Alex then Fox on the forehead and
hugged them.  "Thank you for a wonderful dinner, Alex.  And Fox,
I'll expect my daily e-mail tomorrow."

"Yes, your pestiness," Mulder grumbled.

"See what he still calls me even now that we're adults?"  She
waved at them. "Good night."

"Good night," they both called after her.

Alex looked nervously at Mulder.  He knew the incident this
afternoon was still bugging him, and that was probably why he
wasn't hungry.  He didn't know what to say to him, how to bring
it up.  Hell, he didn't know if he *should* bring it up.  In his
family if something was bugging you, you just kept it inside and
didn't mention it to anyone.  He placed his hand over Mulder's
and stroked it gently.

Mulder looked up at him and met his eyes.  "It was very good,
Alex.  I'm sorry, I'm just not that hungry."

"That's okay, babe.  I've got a hundred recipes just waiting
for when you're hungry again."

Mulder gave him a weak smile.  "I should help you clean up."

"No, you go relax.  Turn on the TV or something; I'll clean up."

Mulder didn't argue and left the dining room.  Alex joined him
a short time later on the couch, and they watched TV for a few
hours then went to bed.

Alex climbed into bed beside his lover, sidling up to his back.
It felt so good when they were naked together, their smooth
flesh pressed up against each other.  Alex kissed Mulder's
shoulder and wrapped his arms around his lover.  He could feel
himself harden as he pressed up against the other man.

He kissed up Mulder's neck and traced the whorls of his ear
with his tongue.  His hands roamed over Mulder's body, down his
chest and abs to the patch of curls at his groin.  Alex was
fully hard now and dug his cock into Mulder's ass cheek.  Alex
moved his hands down to Mulder's thighs, caressing and stroking
them.

One hand caressed the crease where leg met torso while the
other went to cup Mulder's balls.  Alex felt that Mulder was
still limp and increased his caresses.  He licked down to the
small of Mulder's back and nipped at the fine hairs that were
there as his fingers delicately touched Mulder's cock.  Nothing
was happening.

Suddenly, Alex's hands were being pushed away, and Mulder drew
away from him slightly.  "I'm sorry, Alex," he whispered.  "I'm
just. . .I'm tired.  I'm sorry."

Alex moved up and hugged his lover tightly.  "It's okay, babe."
His cock was throbbing, and he wanted to make love to this man
so bad he could hardly stand it.  He wondered if he should go
take care of himself in the bathroom?  No, if Mulder was going
to suffer, so was he.  They were in this together.

"I love you, Fox."

"I love you, too Alex."  Mulder answered.

Alex could hear the shakiness in Mulder's voice.  He kissed
Mulder's shoulder; again he was at a loss for words.  He lay
there, his arms around his lover until he felt Mulder fall
asleep, then he rolled away to the edge of the bed, huddling
there in a ball of misery with his back to Fox. He'd known that
it was too good to be true. Fox couldn't really want him, the
person who'd killed his best friend's lover. Now Mulder had
realized what he'd done, and he was horrified. Alex had known it
was all over when he'd realized that he couldn't even arouse Fox
anymore. Even in the beginning when Fox had hated him and Alex
himself had only wanted to be left alone, Fox had wanted him.
But even that was gone now.

Alex lay in silence, hugging the edge of the bed, near to
falling off, and tears slowly tracked down his cheeks. He
remembered how good it felt to be held by Fox, how warmed he had
felt by Fox's love. He knew that he didn't want to live without
it, but he didn't seem to have a choice. Fox didn't want him
anymore. Eventually, he couldn't stand to be so near Fox when he
knew the older man didn't want him there, and he stood up,
moving slowly and painfully like a rickety old man. He took the
robe Fox had bought him, the robe he'd never needed to wear, out
of the closet and went downstairs to the living room to huddle
on the couch, staring blindly into the darkness.

He relived every moment he'd had with Fox, trying to imprint
each one on his memory for when he would be alone again.
Shudders wracked his body and slow tears continued to track down
his cheeks, but Alex was unaware of any of it. All he could feel
was the moment he'd reached for Fox's cock and found him soft,
uninterested, the moment he'd realized Fox didn't love him.

//Maybe if I pay for him to go to school like he wanted...// he
mused, not even realizing that he was falling into his own
parents' trap of trying to buy affection. He sighed heavily.
//Who am I trying to kid? He. Doesn't. Want. Me.// A faint sob
escaped him.

Mulder half woke up in the middle of the night and reached for
Alex. His eyes flew open and he came fully awake when he
realized that Alex wasn't there and, judging by the coldness of
the sheets, had been gone for a long time. He sat up abruptly,
looking around the room, but he didn't see Alex anywhere. He
noticed that the closet door was open, and he could see the
empty hanger beside his robe. His face fell when he realized
that Alex hadn't felt comfortable nude. He tried to convince
himself that it was because Sam was in the house, but he didn't
believe it. He got up, pulled on his own robe and went looking
for his errant lover.

Coming downstairs, Fox was baffled by the total lack of light,
not noticing Alex in the pitch black living room at first. As he
was about to go to the kitchen to continue his search though, he
heard a faint sound and turned back, finally spotting the
younger man huddled in one corner of the couch. Fox let out a
faint exclamation and switched on a lamp as he moved toward
Alex, only to stop in his tracks when the illumination revealed
the reddened eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and quivering lips set
in an expression of total misery.

"Alex!" he exclaimed, rushing toward the other man and reaching
for him only to freeze in dismay when Alex flinched away with a
look of pain on his face. "Baby?" he asked faintly, in disbelief.

Alex couldn't look at him, couldn't look at the lush lips he'd
kissed, the warm hazel eyes he could have sworn had been filled
with love. Instead he spoke to a point somewhere above Fox's
left shoulder. "I'll be out of here first thing in the morning.
I won't bother you anymore."

Fox couldn't speak for a moment, he was so shocked. "Wha-what
do you mean?" he stuttered. "You want to leave me?" He couldn't
believe it. What had happened?

Hurt green eyes flashed toward him for an instant. "Please
don't lie to me, Mulder. You made it clear you don't want me
here. I'll make it easy on you and go without any embarrassing
scenes." He swallowed hard. "I've got to hand it to you, you're
a great actor. I really believed you, you know. I honestly
thought you meant what you said and that you weren't just trying
to make me pay for Jamie's death." He laughed bitterly. "More
fool me."

Fox had flinched again when Alex called him 'Mulder'. He could
feel his lover distancing himself, see the pain in Alex's face
and posture, but he didn't know why. He loved Alex; how could he
believe otherwise?

Mulder reached toward Alex again, again letting his hand drop
without touching him when Alex whimpered and pressed deep into
the sofa to avoid his touch. "Why?" he begged. "What did I do to
make you turn away from me?" He sank to his knees on the floor
in front of Alex, desperately wanting to touch the man only
inches away from him.

Another anguish-filled laugh escaped Alex, making Mulder hurt
just to hear it. "God, Mulder, you're a real piece of work!
*You* turned away from *me*, remember? I'm not stupid, I got the
message."

Mulder just stared blankly until he suddenly remembered earlier
that night. Before he'd fallen asleep, he vaguely recalled Alex
climbing into bed with him and. . . Oh fuck! Alex had tried to
initiate lovemaking, and he hadn't responded at all. He'd been
in such a funk after the events of the day that he didn't even
clearly remember anything from the time they'd gotten back from
the grocery store. It sounded like Alex had taken his lack of
interest as a complete rejection.

Mulder opened his mouth to ask him why the hell he was
overreacting when something made him stop. He thought carefully
about their relationship, remembering that it had started *very*
strangely, that Alex had never had a successful relationship,
and that Alex had made comments in the past that made it clear
that he didn't have a lot of experience with being loved. He
probably thought that sex was the only thing holding Mulder with
him, and that without it, Mulder wouldn't be interested. He
groaned as he realized just how badly he had unintentionally
hurt Alex.

"Alex, listen to me." He grasped the younger man's chin and
forced him to look at him. "I love you. Do you hear me? I, Fox
Mulder, love you, Alex Krycek. I. Love. You. Please get that
through your head. I love you," he repeated one more time for
good measure.

Alex only stared back with that blank expression and pain in
his eyes, clearly unconvinced.

Mulder sighed, tamping down the panic he felt. If  Alex
wouldn't believe him, if he left him, he'd have nothing left. It
wasn't just that the entire town would reject him now that they
knew he was gay or that his former friends and co-workers would
probably spit on him for getting involved with an ex-con or even
that Mike hated him now, although all of that was bad enough.
No, what would destroy him if he lost Alex was how much he loved
him. He wasn't sure he could go back to living without him.

"Alex, please," he begged, "listen to me. I love you and I need
you. Don't leave me."

Alex could hear the fear and desperation in Mulder's voice, and
he started to believe him. He *wanted* to believe him. But. .
."You didn't want me."

Mulder groaned. "I didn't want *sex*," he emphasized. "I always
want you; I'm just not real good at showing it sometimes." He
sighed again, then met Alex's eyes frankly. "What happened today
with Bill *hurt*, and I didn't know how to handle it. I know I
shouldn't've shut you out, but I'm not used to having anyone
there for me. So I withdrew. But I never meant to hurt you."

Alex stared at him for long moments, at least not flinching
away this time when Fox placed a tentative hand on his knee. He
thought about his own reaction to being hurt, which was to shut
down or run away, and he realized that in his own way, Mulder
did the same. He sighed. "God, aren't we the pair."

Fox met his eyes with dawning hope, his hand tightening on
Alex's knee.

"Just, please, don't pull away from me," Alex pleaded. "Let me
be there for you."

Mulder dropped his head into Alex's lap, nearly faint with
relief. "I will, baby," he vowed. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Alex slid a finger under his chin to tilt his head up, then
kissed him gently. When Fox started to deepen the kiss though,
he flinched away. Mulder looked away, and his shoulders slumped.
He knew Alex had no prior experience with men, yet he kept
undermining his confidence. Mulder knew his lack of reaction
earlier had made Alex doubt his own worth, his attractiveness,
and he wondered how long it would take or even if it was going
to be possible to repair the damage he'd done. He gently stroked
along Alex's thigh, finally reaching his groin, and he winced
when he found Alex soft.

It upset him to be unable to arouse his lover, and he *knew*
why. He could only imagine how confused and unhappy Alex must
have been earlier. He raised his eyes to meet Alex's, and
instead of the love and passion he'd grown accustomed to seeing
there, he found wary distrust. He shut his eyes against the
sight, swearing that he would find a way to fix this.

He pushed himself to his feet and held out a hand to Alex.
"Come back to bed?"

Alex nodded slowly and took his hand, allowing himself to be
pulled up. When Mulder wrapped an arm around him, he leaned into
the embrace, putting his own arm around Mulder's waist as they
climbed back up the stairs. Once back in their bedroom, however,
Alex stopped at the edge of the bed, staring down at it
unhappily. Without looking at Mulder, he walked over to the
dresser and pulled out a pair of boxers and a T-shirt, stepping
out of sight behind the closet door to pull them on before he
got into bed.

Mulder watched in dismay, feeling as if he'd been sucker
punched. His rejection had obviously cut Alex even more deeply
than he'd thought if he was no longer comfortable being naked
with him, or even letting Mulder see him for the few seconds it
took to shrug off his robe and pull on the underwear.

Alex turned to Fox, wondering why he hadn't gotten into bed
yet, and he saw the expression of naked pain on his lover's
face. He wanted to jump up and go to him, take him in his arms
and tell him it would be all right, but he didn't know if Mulder
would let him.

"Do you want me to put something on before I come to bed?"
Mulder asked woodenly, and Alex suddenly got an inkling of what
had caused that look of hurt.

In answer he held out his arms to his lover, and Mulder
practically dove into the offered embrace, dropping his own robe
on the floor. Fox buried his face in Alex's throat, and he felt
Alex's cheek lean against the top of his head, rubbing briefly
as they settled. They lay like that for the rest of the night,
holding tightly to one another, but neither of them slept.

The next morning Samantha could tell that something was wrong,
but at first she put it down to the aftermath of Fox's encounter
with Bill the day before. Then she took a closer look, seeing
the dark circles under their eyes that testified to a sleepless
night and noticing how brittle Alex looked. Last night Fox had
been withdrawn and Alex worried about him, but now it looked
like Alex was the one about to fall apart. She decided the best
thing she could do for them would be to leave them alone to work
it out, so she left right after breakfast.

Once alone, the two men wandered around the living room
nervously. They didn't want to be apart, but they were
uncomfortable together. Finally, Fox couldn't stand it any more.
He caught Alex's arm the next time he paced by and yanked him
down onto the couch.

"Alex, this is nuts! We are not going to let them do this to us!"

Alex looked at him in bafflement.

"A day ago we were blissfully happy, but one ignorant,
prejudiced guy has made us miserable. I won't let that happen!"

"Fox?" Alex had no idea what to expect next and just looked at
him through his lashes.

"You're mine!" Mulder snarled, suddenly twisting Alex under him
and tearing at his clothes. Alex only blinked up at him, too
surprised to move. And when he felt Mulder's erection grinding
into him, he didn't want to pull away; he wanted to be convinced
that Fox still wanted him.

Mulder shoved down his sweats and pushed Alex's legs apart. He
held Alex's wrists above his head, then grabbed the T-shirt he'd
ripped off him and tied his hands, fastening the end of the
fabric to the scrollwork on the back of the couch. Mulder looked
at him, sprawled naked on the sofa, and a slow smile stretched
his lips. Watching him, Alex suddenly felt nervous, but he liked
the shivers racing up his spine. His cock began to fill under
Mulder's heated gaze, and he squirmed lewdly, spreading his legs
to display himself to his lover. Mulder leaned down and licked
the length of his now twitching cock, then hitched up his sweats
to go into the kitchen and grab some oil, making the round trip
faster than he'd ever thought possible.

Suddenly desperate after the tension of the last day, Mulder
poured out some of the oil into his hand and stroked it into
Alex, stretching him quickly, then shoved his sweats down again,
just enough to free his cock and balls. He quickly applied some
of the oil to himself and pushed inside of Alex. Both men
groaned as Fox slid in, Alex bucking up, trying to force Fox
deeper. That seemed to snap something in Fox, and he started
slamming in and out, pumping Alex's cock in time with his
strokes. Alex gasped his name, squirming, pushing up, and Fox
stared at him, surprised again by this man's beauty. He let go
of Alex's cock and braced himself on his elbows, sliding his
hands under his ass and raising him so he could go deeper. Alex
moaned as his cock was rubbed between their bellies, and Fox
smiled and lowered himself a fraction more. He watched Alex pant
desperately, pleasure contorting his face, and he pushed in as
deeply as he could as he came, crying Alex's name.

"No!" Alex wailed, bucking up, trying to get Fox to keep moving.

As soon as Fox caught his breath, he pulled out of Alex,
ignoring his whimpers of distress. He immediately shifted down
and took Alex's cock into his mouth, sucking hard to bring him
off quickly. Alex groaned, his hips rising off the couch to push
himself deeper into Mulder. It didn't take long for Alex to
come, and Fox swallowed every drop before he sat up. He hitched
his sweats back up, leaving himself once again fully dressed,
and he surveyed the naked, sweaty body  of his lover stretched
out on and tied to the couch like some pagan offering.

Fox smiled and petted him from the throat to his still over-
sensitive cock, prompting a whine of protest and an attempt to
move away.

"You know," Fox mused, still gently stroking Alex's groin, "I'd
forgotten how fucking gorgeous you are when you're tied up." His
hand crept lower, one finger trailing lightly from sac to anus
and back. Alex moaned.

"You're wasting your time, Fox; you wrung me out. There's
nothing left."

Fox smirked at him. "Wanna bet?"

Alex didn't bother to reply, but that didn't upset Mulder. He
was concentrating on his lover's body now, determined to make
him beg. He slid two fingers back inside Alex's ass, at first
just stroking in and out, then hooking and twisting. Alex yelped
at the first brush over his prostate, overwhelmed by a pleasure
so intense it bordered on pain. Or maybe it *was* pain. He
couldn't tell anymore. Aftershocks of his orgasm were still
pulsing through his body, and Fox was arousing him again. Even
as a teenager he'd never been as sex-crazed as he'd been since
becoming Fox's lover. Fox's fingers pressed against the gland
again, and Alex focused a wild gaze on him as he screamed.

Fox laughed.

Keeping his fingers busy inside his desperately twisting lover,
he reached with his free hand for the drawer of the end table.
He hoped what he wanted was still in there; he hadn't checked in
ages, not since the last time he'd been with Mike. He let out a
sigh of satisfaction when his fingers closed over his targets,
and he pulled out a set of nipple clamps.

Alex's eyes widened when he saw what Fox was holding, and he
started to shake his head emphatically until Fox distracted him
with his fingers in his ass again. He subsided with a moan,
watching out of scared green eyes as Fox dropped the linked
clamps on his belly and reached for a nipple, pinching it to
make it rise even more. He whimpered in anticipation when Fox
picked up one clamp and fastened it onto the nipple, then stared
down in surprise. It was uncomfortable, but in an exciting kind
of way. He liked it, and the way his cock was twitching made
that clear to Fox.

Fox chuckled and dropped a kiss on his parted lips. "See, baby,
you just have to trust me. I knew you'd like this." And he
clamped the other nipple. He checked that they were secure, then
started to tug on the chain joining them, drawing the nipples
out from Alex's chest until he moaned, then releasing them and
watching him squirm.

A continuous stream of curses and pleas fell from Alex's lips,
his purple cock begging for attention, but Fox was in no hurry
to end this. He reached back into that drawer and brought out a
dildo, holding it up before Alex's eyes. He nudged it against
the younger man's lips, urging him to take it inside.

"Come on, baby," he whispered. "The only lubrication you're
getting is what you put there."

Alex whimpered, but he parted his lips and started to suck on
the dildo, coating it with saliva. He stared into Fox's eyes as
he did, and he found he could pretend it was his lover's cock in
his mouth. It was turning him on, and he opened his mouth
farther, letting it slide deeper into his mouth, deep throating
it. Mulder let him for a minute because he looked so damn sexy
like that, but then he pulled it away. As much as Alex was
squirming, he was afraid of hurting him with the rigid object.
He whispered that in Alex's ear, the hot breath making Alex
shudder, when Alex tried to follow the dildo like a baby bird
reaching for food. "After all," Mulder rasped, "it would be
criminal to damage that talented throat of yours."

He pulled his fingers out of Alex's ass with a final flick that
forced a sob from the younger man, then replaced them with the
dildo. Alex went rigid as the long, thick, inflexible object
slid deep inside him. It was different than when it was Fox, and
he wasn't sure he liked it. He whimpered his distress, and Fox
soothed him with a long kiss and his clever fingers stroking
Alex's balls. That made Alex try to push into his grasp, and
that shifted the dildo inside him, and he froze again. Then,
slowly, tentatively, he moved his hips a little, feeling the
thing, and his breath began to come faster. He writhed wantonly,
tiny sobs escaping him with every breath, and then Mulder began
to pull on the nipple clamps again and hump his thigh. He felt
the wet heat of the tip of Fox's cock painting patterns on him,
and he screamed as another orgasm was torn from him.

Fox watched every second of it, and only when Alex was done did
he let himself go, coming again only moments later. Alex's
uncomfortable squirming under him brought him back to full
awareness of his surroundings, and he reached down, pulling the
dildo out of him, then unfastened the nipple clamps and lightly
kissed the abused flesh. He dropped the toys on the floor beside
the couch and settled back on top of Alex, wanting nothing more
than to sleep for a little while.

"Fox, please." The honest discomfort in Alex's voice got his
instant attention.

"What's wrong, Alex?"

"My arms, please. I can't even feel them anymore."

"Shit!" Fox had forgotten about that, and he hastily unwound
the shredded T-shirt from the back of the couch, then freed
Alex's wrists. Once he had lowered his arms, Fox massaged them,
bringing the circulation back. Only after Alex indicated that
they were back to normal did Fox wobble to his feet and draw his
lover back toward the stairs and up to their bedroom.

"Fox?"

"Mmm?"

"If I hadn't sucked the dildo," Alex asked in a small voice,
"would you really have used it on me dry?"

"Fuck no!"

Alex smiled and leaned his head against Fox's shoulder as they
walked.

The next few weeks were more of the same. A time that should
have full of laughter and happiness for them as they got to know
each other better and started their life together was instead
tense and unhappy. They both withdrew from each other, not
knowing how to reach out. The only thing that wasn't affected
was the sex, which just kept getting hotter. It was at the point
that they tried to spend all their time in bed or rather having
sex on or against every surface in the house. The only problem
was that they never talked to each other any more.

It didn't help that every time either one of them set foot
outside the house, they faced snide remarks, taunts, the
occasional shove. Alex, who'd been one of the popular kids in
high school, the golden boy at the Academy, the indulged only
son of wealthy parents, had never faced this kind of public
abuse, and he had no idea how to handle it. So, as he'd done all
his life, he didn't. He shut down instead. He walked around the
house with a perpetual blank mask in place of an expression.

Fox watched him sadly, seeing the sullen con he'd first
encountered in the prison take the place of his laughing lover.
He'd been so happy to have brought laughter and caring into
Alex's life, and now he was responsible for taking it away.
Between his guilt at that and misery over being treated as if he
were invisible by just about everyone in the town, he grew more
withdrawn with each passing day as well.

Both men were aware that they were making the problem worse,
but neither one knew how to put an end to it. They kept reaching
out to one another, but not knowing what to say, they ended up
fucking instead. They could feel the desperation when they were
together, and each of them was beginning to fear that they
wouldn't be able to get past this.

Things finally came to a head one fall day in late September.
Alex was inside staring at the latest letter from his parents,
trying to figure out how to tell them not to come visit him. At
first he'd held them off by saying that he needed time to adjust
to being free again, but he'd finally had to tell them that he
was living with another man, that Fox was his lover. Judging by
the tone of the letter, his mother had probably had hysterics,
and now she was demanding that he and Fox come visit them. He
laughed bitterly.

When he'd been in prison, he'd looked forward to going places
with Fox, and he'd even thought that visiting his parents might
be okay if he had Fox with him. Funny that things had looked
better from inside a prison than they did when he was free. He
dropped his head into his hands, sighing heavily, and he
wondered what the hell to do now.

While Alex wrestled with his dilemma, Fox was out back raking
leaves. He was as miserable as his lover, eyeing the piles of
leaves and remembering how he'd thought about Alex being here
for this season. He'd imagined them doing this together, then
tumbling into one of the piles and making love right there. He
glanced over his shoulder at the house where Alex was. He
wondered if they'd ever make love again rather than the frantic
fucking that was all they seemed to do now.

He kicked moodily at some leaves, finally leaning the rake
against the fence when he accepted that he wasn't going to get
anything done. He wandered over to the old oak tree toward the
back of the yard and climbed up to the treehouse he and Michael
had built together when they were eight years old. They'd played
here, grown up here, explored their sexuality together here. He
thought about how many key events in their lives had happened
right here. He'd wanted to bring Alex up here and tell him all
the stories, show him the rock collection from when he was a kid
and the pictures of his highschool girlfriends.

Fox groaned. He sat on the edge of the platform, what they'd
call their ramparts when they built it, his legs hanging over
the edge and his head leaning back against the outside wall of
the house itself. He stared up at the sky as if hoping to see a
solution to his problems written in the clouds. He shivered when
the wind picked up, but he made no move to go inside. He sighed
unhappily when he realized that he was avoiding Alex.

"So you're still fucking him."

//Perfect. Just fucking perfect. That's all this day needed to
make it complete.// "Hi, Mike."

"Tell me how you do it, Fox. Tell me how you can fuck the man
who killed my Jamie. How can you stand to touch that murdering
sonofabitch?" He glared up angrily, tears in his eyes.

Fox stared at him helplessly. Before he could say anything, a
cold voice interrupted.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Alexander Krycek."

Both men turned, seeing an older couple, probably in their late
sixties. The man wore an Armani suit with an Egyptian cotton
shirt, raw silk tie, and discreet gold cufflinks. The woman wore
a silk dress, tasteful diamonds, and a fur coat. Mulder's heart
sank.

"Mr. and Mrs. Krycek?" he asked, knowing they could be no one
else.

"My son?" Emily Krycek prompted coolly.

Michael opened his mouth, and Fox jumped down, desperate to
separate them. He motioned toward the house and started to lead
the Kryceks in when Mike spoke up.

"You never answered my question, Fox," he sneered.

Fox finally snapped. Totally ignoring Alex's parents, actually
forgetting their presence, he turned on Michael. "You want to
know how, Mike?" he snarled. "It's easy. I *love* him, and he
loves me. He makes me happier than I've ever been in my entire
life, and I'll be damned if I'll let you or anyone else in this
fucking narrow-minded town hurt him anymore.

"I'm sorry Jamie died. You *know* that, Mike. But you also know
that the autopsy proved he had a weak heart. He could have died
at any moment. I know that doesn't excuse what happened or make
it up to you for losing even a single instant with Jamie. But
Mike, if you ever call Alex a murderer again, I'll punch you
into the middle of next week!" By the time he finished, Fox was
yelling into his friend's face, protective fury clear in every
line of him. He turned on his heel and stalked toward the house,
not bothering to check whether the Kryceks or Michael followed
him.

Once inside, Jonathan and Emily hesitated in the entry while
Mike hovered in the background. "Mr. Mulder?" Jonathan asked
tentatively.

Mulder blinked in surprise, having forgotten they were there.
"Yes?"

Jonathan regarded him uneasily. "You said. . . you said that
you love Alex."

Mulder looked at them like they were nuts. "Well, of course I
do. What on earth did you think this was all about?"

"You taking advantage of a vulnerable, young man who was
trapped in an impossible situation," Emily Krycek snapped. "My
son is not gay." She could barely bring herself to say the word.

Mulder just looked at her. "It's not a dirty word, you know."

She looked down her nose at him. "We're here to bring Alexander
home."

Mulder winced slightly. As miserable as they'd been lately, he
was desperately afraid that Alex would go with them. He heard a
sound behind him, and he turned to see Alex standing in the
hallway watching them. No, watching *him*, totally ignoring his
parents, whom he hadn't seen since he was sent to prison.

"I heard you," Alex said softly. Fox looked confused, so he
added, "Outside. I heard what you said to Michael." He looked
down, then back at Fox. "Did you mean it? Do you still love me?"

Fox gasped. "God, Alex, has it been so bad that you have to ask
me that? Of course I love you; nothing could change that!"

"Excuse me," Emily interrupted icily. "Aren't you going to
greet us, Alexander?"

Tearing his eyes away from Fox, Alex turned reluctantly to face
his parents. "Hello, Mother," Alex responded equally coolly,
approaching her to kiss the air beside her cheek. He was careful
not to actually touch her and possibly muss her clothes or
makeup. He'd learned that lesson at a very young age. "Father."
He nodded to Jonathan.

Fox watched the stilted greetings, and his heart ached for
Alex. He thought he'd had warmer meetings with his parents when
he visited their graves. If that was how Alex had been treated
as a child, it was no wonder that he didn't know how to express
his emotions. Even Michael felt a momentary pang of sympathy for
Krycek, but all he had to do to quell it was remember Jamie
lying still and cold in his casket.

"We've come to bring you home, Alexander," Emily stated,
clearly expecting immediate obedience to her wishes.

Alex stepped closer to Fox, who reached out and took his hand.
"I *am* home, Mother."

Mrs. Krycek looked at their joined hands with an expression of
well bred disgust. "You *will* return to Boston with us,
Alexander. This. . . temporary aberration will be forgotten. No
one need ever know."

Alex stared at her, shaking his head. "Not this time, Mother.
This time I won't let you make my decisions for me. I'm not
ashamed of Fox or of being with him, and I'll be damned if I'll
let you treat him like some dirty little secret."

"So you're going to live here," her lip curled in disdain. "And
do what exactly, Alexander? What do you plan to live on?"

"What planet do you live on, Mother? You know perfectly well
that I have my inheritance from Grandfather. I don't *need* to
work. And I happen to like it here," he finished defiantly and
untruthfully.

With everyone concentrating on the confrontation between mother
and son, no one noticed Michael sidling closer, coming up behind
Alex. No one noticed him until he let out an almost bestial
snarl and lunged at Alex.

Fox saw the motion out the corner of his eye, and seeing
something hurtling at his lover's defenseless back, he reacted
automatically, fending Michael off with one arm before he even
realized what was happening. Mike stumbled back, regained his
footing and reached for Alex again.

"I'm going to kill you, you motherfucker! Just like you killed
Jamie!" he screamed.

"Get out." Fox spoke coldly, pain clear in his voice but
overshadowed by his determination to protect Alex.

Mike turned to Fox. "Come on, Fox, you can't love this fucking
murderer. I'll admit he's a pretty boy, and I can see why you'd
want to fuck him, but he's filth, Fox-"

"Enough!" Mulder yelled. "Get out of my home, Michael, and
don't come back." His voice cracked on the last word, but he
refused to back down. He was *not* going to fail Alex this time.

Michael gaped at him in disbelief, paling dramatically, and
Mulder repeated it. He stared after his best friend as he walked
away, and he wondered again how this had all happened. Then he
looked to his side and met a pair of worried green eyes, and he
remembered the answer. Still staring into Alex's eyes, he spoke
softly. "If I had to do it all over again, I'd still choose you."

Ignoring their audience, Alex kissed him softly, licking at his
lips, and wrapped his arms around Fox.

"Alexander!"

Alex sighed heavily and looked over his shoulder at his mother.
"Don't start, Mother. Just don't."

Fox looked at the two people standing stiffly in his hallway
and briefly considered running away from home. "Will you stay
with us?" he invited, ignoring Alex's frantic head shake.

Emily raised a supercilious eyebrow. "I'm sure we can find
accommodations in a hotel."

Alex pictured his parents staying in one of the cheap motels
that catered mainly to the inmates' family and friends or one of
the homey B&Bs in town, and he groaned. He leaned his forehead
against Mulder's shoulder for a brief moment, then straightened
up and turned back to his mother. "I'm afraid not, Mother. The
motels in town are. . . not quite what you're accustomed to."

"I'm sure-" Emily started before her husband cut her off.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulder, we'd be delighted to accept your kind
invitation." He saw Emily take a breath to say something else,
and he cut her off. "I'm sure you're right when you say that we
wouldn't be comfortable in the motels."

Emily sniffed disdainfully, turned on her heel and went into
the living room, preparing herself for the squalor she was
certain her son was living in.

"Please, come in, make yourself at home," Mulder mumbled
sarcastically, and Alex snickered.

"See why I wasn't anxious to write?"

Mulder grunted. After another quick kiss, which Jonathan
watched interestedly, he motioned the elder Krycek to precede
them into the room.

They entered to find Emily surveying the room in open-mouthed
astonishment. Not only was it clean and tidy, many of the
furnishings were antiques, and the rest were of good quality and
well cared for. She turned to face the men fully, amazement
visible in her eyes.

Alex sighed at her prejudices and wished his parents would go
away or, better still, had never come. Fox placed a calming hand
on his arm, and he glanced over to meet an understanding gaze.
They needed to talk, to clear up the misunderstandings and pain
of the last few weeks, but they weren't going to be able to do
that while his parents were present. He mouthed 'I love you' and
got a heartwarming smile in response.

"Do you have any luggage you'd like to bring in?" Mulder asked,
turning to Jonathan. When he nodded, Fox offered to help, and
the two of them went out to get it, leaving Alex and Emily alone
together.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until Emily broke it.

"Alexander-"

"Alex. My name is *Alex*, Mother. Can't you even grant me the
courtesy of using my name as I wish?"

Emily's eyes flashed, but she quelled her anger. "I'm the one
who named you, Alexander, and I remember quite clearly giving
you my father's name. But that is irrelevant to the matter at
hand."

She sighed and paced around the room, too tense to remain
still. "He's not what I expected," she admitted.

"I don't see why not," Alex snapped. "I told you about him."

"He's not as ignorant and uncultured as I anticipated from his
choice of employment, and his home is quite lovely. I suppose
it's true what they say about gay men," she mused.

Alex actually growled. "You're a snob, Mother. And prejudiced
to boot. It's so appalling it's almost funny." He fixed her with
a steely glare. "Don't you dare insult Fox!"

She drew herself up with offended dignity, but before she could
say anything, they were distracted by laughter from the doorway.

"You're cute when you're being protective, Alex, but it's not
necessary. I can take care of myself."

Alex shrugged. "I know you can. So can I. But it's more fun to
take care of each other."

Fox smiled and moved to stand behind him, wrapping his arms
around Alex's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder,
smirking at Emily's expression of distaste.

"Come on, I'll show you which room you can use," Fox said, and
he headed upstairs.

A little while later Alex's parents were settled in Sam's room,
his mother wearing an expression of resigned suffering upon
discovering that there was no en-suite bathroom, rather she
would have to go down the hall to get to one. Fox and Alex left
them to unpack and rest and retreated to their own bedroom.

Once inside they wandered around restlessly, Alex eventually
settling on the bed and Mulder perching on the edge of the
window seat. They stared at each across the room, and they
wondered how they could get past everything. Each was afraid to
start, worried that he'd only make matters worse by saying the
wrong thing. Finally Fox groaned and stared down at his feet.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked quietly.

Alex gasped. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" Fox paused for a deep breath. "But I don't want you to
stay because you think you should or because you think it's what
*I* want. I need you to be with me because it's what *you*
want." He laughed bitterly. "And I know that's incredibly unfair
of me. You deserve better than this, better than being treated
like a leper. You're so beautiful you could have anyone you
wanted. You should be living in the lap of luxury somewhere,
enjoying your freedom, not getting the fallout from what my
neighbors think of me."

"Bullshit!" Alex replied succinctly. When Fox looked up in
surprise, he continued, "If it wasn't for you, I'd still be in
prison. I was far from a model prisoner, blaming the entire
universe for me being there rather than accepting responsibility
for my own actions. I was well on the way to becoming someone I
don't like very much. I'd never have been paroled, let alone
gotten early parole, if not for you."

"Sure you would. Your lawyer got the extra time knocked off
your sentence because that judge had no business adding it on
just because you were an FBI trainee. Hell, he doubled the
maximum sentence for the crime! If anyone had known that his
son, his *gay* son, had been beaten to death, he'd have been
recused. As it was, you probably could have gotten the
conviction overturned on the grounds of a mistrial."

Alex shook his head. "You and I both know that what I did was
wrong, Fox. Sure, I never intended to kill him, but we weren't
there to sell Amway." He smiled slightly. "You made me take a
good, long look at my life, Fox, and I was nothing more than a
spoiled, rich kid who thought he could do or say anything. I
wish it hadn't taken someone's death to change that, but I like
myself a hell of a lot better now. And I love you. I want to be
with you, and if that means putting up with this town's petty
vindictiveness, fine. Just so long as *you* don't shut me out. I
need to know that you love me too."

Fox was across the room in an instant. "I do love you, Alex.
I'm sorry I've been so self-absorbed lately that you doubted
it." He pulled Alex into his arms and stretched out on the bed
with his lover draped half over him. They dozed off like that,
holding tightly to one another, more content than they'd been in
a while.

A few days later Alex woke up to the sounds of battle drifting
up the stairs *again*. He groaned and pulled the pillows over
his head, seriously considering staying right where he was until
his mother magically disappeared. After a moment, the lack of
air and certainty that more than wishes would be required to rid
himself of his interfering parent made him sit up. He was
reaching for his robe to go downstairs when a sudden thought
made him stop and brought a slow smile to his face.

"Fight fire with fire," he mumbled with a satisfied smirk.

Later that afternoon, Alex wondered if his plan was going to be
enough. Today was even worse than usual; his mother was in fine
form, sniping at Fox at every turn. Of course, he had to admit
that it was at least partially his own fault. He'd been
irritated that morning, so he'd gone downstairs without
showering, knowing that he'd smelled of sex. His mother had
noticed, of course, and been horrified. That had been satisfying
enough, but the expression of sheer lust on Fox's face when he
got close to him had been a thing of beauty. For a moment he'd
thought Fox was just going to throw him down on the table and
take him. The fact that he hadn't was another black mark against
his mother.

//Goddamnit, this is our home, and we can't even do what we
want when we want because of my damned mother. We have *got* to
get rid of her.// He glanced over at his parents, his mother
holding forth on god only knew what topic this time while his
father listened silently. //I wouldn't mind my dad staying for a
while though. I've gotten to know him a little these last few
days, and I think we could actually get to be friends. I wish
I'd realized that years ago; things might have turned out
differently.// He glanced over at Fox. //God, I'm such a shit. I
wouldn't change what happened with Jamie if I could. A man is
dead because of me, and I wouldn't change it because I wouldn't
have met Fox otherwise. Jamie, if you're out there, I'm so sorry
for what I did to you, but I love him so much. I won't ask for
forgiveness, but knowing how much you and Michael loved each
other, I hope you understand how I feel now.//

"Deep thoughts, babe?" Fox sat beside him, one hand settling
naturally on his thigh.

Alex smiled. "Just... making peace with myself."

Fox smiled inquisitively, but that was all Alex would say. He
changed the subject. "I'm sorry about my mother, Fox."

Mulder shrugged. "In her own way, she cares about you, Alex,
and is trying to protect you."

"No, she doesn't. She just doesn't want her image tarnished by
having a gay son. Hell, I'll bet she's even managed to cover up
me being in prison somehow." Alex sounded resigned rather than
bitter.

"What an ill-bred display," Emily stated coldly, eyeing Fox's
hand on Alex's thigh.

"Odd, I thought it was rather sweet," an equally icy voice cut
in.

Everyone turned toward the doorway in surprise, Fox and Alex
smiling at Sam when they saw her.

//My secret weapon arrives!// Alex exulted.

"And just who might you be?" Emily demanded.

"Samantha Mulder. Fox's sister." Sam glared at the bitch hag
who was making her brother and his lover miserable according to
what Alex had told her that morning.

"Miss Mulder," Emily started, only to be interrupted by Sam.

"Doctor."

"I beg your pardon?"

"That's *Dr.* Mulder, Mrs. Krycek."

"*You* are a doctor?" Disbelief dripped from her tone.

"Yes, I am. Fourth in my class at Columbia. You really don't
have to be born wealthy to be intelligent or to make something
of yourself. In fact," with a disdainful glance at Emily,
"sometimes wealth has the opposite effect."

"Why, you little trollop!"

"My, what a shining example of the superiority of the rich,"
Sam sneered.

By this time the men in the room were looking for a fallout
shelter.

Emily took a deep breath, restoring her air of icy superiority.
"Unlike you apparently, Dr. Mulder, I do not consider
namecalling a worthwhile use of my time. Perhaps you would care
to explain your unexpected and rather rude arrival?"

Sam looked her up and down. "I don't have to explain anything
to you, let alone my presence in my family's home."

"Sam, it's so good to see you," Fox jumped up to hug her,
hoping to prevent a murder in his living room. "But I thought
you and Jason were going away this weekend?"

Alex looked up guiltily at that, and Sam smiled reassuringly.
"Jason wanted to meet Alex before the wedding. He's just getting
our bags, wouldn't let me carry anything. And coming to visit
you two *is* getting away, Fox."

"Actually," yet another new voice put in, "Alex and I *have*
met. At numerous boring summer parties that were command
performances."

Alex stared at him blankly for a moment before he recognized
him. "Oh, of course, Jason Prestwick. I should have recognized
your name right away."

"No reason why you should, the name's not that uncommon. And
it's not like we knew each other all that well." He grinned over
at Fox and Sam. "Although I think that's going to change."

Alex grinned back, impressed with Sam's strategy. While she
could have routed his mother eventually all on her own, waving
her wealthy and influential fiance under his snobbish mother's
nose was a stroke of genius. Emily Krycek would never knowingly
do anything to offend the Prestwicks. He had a hard time
restraining his laughter and didn't dare look at Sam.

"I'll go put some coffee on for everyone," Alex said abruptly,
needing to get out of the room before he started howling, and
bolted.

"I think I'll help." Sam followed quickly.

Choosing the path of rank cowardice, Fox fled after his lover
and sister, leaving Jason with the Kryceks, something he was
sure he would pay for eventually. In the kitchen he turned a
suspicious glare on the two who'd collapsed into fits of giggles
at the table.

"Okay, give, Sam. What are you doing here?"

Alex looked up, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "That's
my doing, Fox. I decided this morning that we weren't getting
anywhere with my mother, but I'd put my money on Sam any day. So
I called and asked her to come save us."

"What?!"

"That's what family's for, bro. I'm glad Alex called me; after
five minutes with that woman, I can't imagine how you've put up
with her for almost a week."

Fox sighed and shook his head. "Come on, let's get that coffee
made. It's not fair to leave Jason alone with them for too long."

"Oh don't worry about him," Alex scoffed. "There's no way my
darling mama will insult a *Prestwick*."

"Even so, the look he gave me when I followed the two of you
promised retribution," Fox said.

The others chuckled and got the coffee going.

They managed to make it through the rest of the afternoon
without bloodshed and mutually agreed to go out for dinner. Alex
knew his mother wouldn't like the restaurant, but despite the
lack of trendy decor, the food was excellent.

Dinner was half over when a drunken, belligerent man stumbled
up to the table, startling all of them.

"Darryl?" Fox said in surprise, recognizing Michael's older
brother.

"Are you happy now, you fucking fairy?" he slurred. "Are you
happy now that you have your murdering whore and my brother is
dead?"

Fox dropped his glass, the wine spilling across the table and
dripping down to the floor. "What are you talking about?" he
whispered, his voice nearly failing him. Alex and Sam both
reached out to him, each taking one of his hands.

"Mikey's dead!" Darryl screamed. "He killed himself because of
you, you sonofabitch!"

Fox just stared up at him, his mouth working silently, tears
rolling down his face. "Mike," he mouthed.

Jason jumped up and distracted Darryl while Alex and Sam drew
Fox up and out of the restaurant, Alex's parents following, even
his mother silenced for the moment. As soon as they were out,
Jason got away from Darryl by buying him a drink and hurried
after the others.

Fox sat in total silence, staring straight ahead, on the drive
back to the house. When they got there, Jonathan and Emily went
into the house quietly and retired, even Emily realizing that
the men needed to be left alone. Jason also went straight up to
their room when he and Sam arrived only moments later, knowing
her brother needed her just then. Sam and Alex coaxed Fox out of
the car and inside, both of them worried by the blank expression
he'd worn since the initial shock dissipated.

Alex stroked his lover's hair, trying to comfort him, but Fox
didn't even seem to really notice that he was there. He just sat
woodenly, not speaking, not moving, and Samantha began to get
worried. He was clearly in shock, shivering with reaction, but
he brushed her away when she tried to wrap a blanket around him.
Sam was actually considering having him hospitalized overnight
for observation, loath though she was to do that in this town,
when he finally spoke.

"This *is* my fault, you know." Haunted hazel eyes looked up
finally, and both the others flinched from the pain and self-
recrimination in them.

"Fox, no," Alex started only to be interrupted by Fox.

"It's the truth. Michael, my best friend in my entire life, is
dead, and it's all because of me."

"How can you say that, Fox?" Sam tried.

"Because it's true!" Fox half yelled. "I betrayed him, and now
he's dead."

A tiny moan was torn from Alex as he saw his life dissolving
around him. They'd only just begun to work through their
problems, and now Mike had won. Fox would never forgive either
of them. He closed his eyes tightly, fighting to hold back the
tears, and when he opened them, he was completely
expressionless. Once again, he'd retreated behind the mask that
had served as his defense all his life.

"My parents and I will leave first thing in the morning," he
said quietly, not meeting Fox or Sam's eyes.

Fox stared down at the floor between his feet. "See, even Alex
knows I'm right, and he's leaving before I destroy him too."

Alex's head shot up, and he stared at Fox in bewilderment.
"What are you talking about? I'm leaving because you don't want
me here because Michael would still be alive if I had never come
here."

It was Fox's turn to look baffled. "What are *you* talking
about? Michael's dead because I couldn't give you up. I raped
you, repeatedly, and then I couldn't give you up. What kind of
sick fuck rapes a man, then claims to be in love with him? And
then tells his best friend that he's in love with someone who
contributed to his lover's death."

Alex flinched. "So what you're saying is that you should have
raped me and then left me, and then everything would have been
fine."

"No! That's not what I meant. Oh fuck, I make a mess of
everything." He buried his face in his hands. "I should never
have touched you, never fucked up your life, never made Mike so
fucking miserable that he felt he had to kill himself."

Alex stood up painfully. "Well, I'll solve part of your problem
and leave. I'm sorry to have been such a burden." He turned to
leave, only to be stopped by a desperate wail.

"Don't leave me!" Fox stretched a hand out toward him, tears
running down his face, but he made no move to go after Alex. If
he stayed, it had to be because he wanted to, not because Fox
made him.

Alex looked at him, torment plain on his face. "I don't know
how much more of this I can take, Fox. You keep pushing me away
and telling me that I'm some kind of mistake, then changing your
mind. You're cutting me up a little piece at a time. What the
hell do you want from me?" he suddenly yelled, pushed beyond
what he could endure.

"Alex, please," Fox begged. "Just... just give me some time.
Don't leave me."

Alex knew that he should go for his own sake, but he couldn't
turn away from Fox when he was in so much pain. He nodded curtly
and headed upstairs, where he went to bed. When Fox finally came
up, Alex lay stiffly at the edge of the bed, pretending to be
asleep even though both of them knew perfectly well that he
wasn't.

Fox buried his face in his pillow, letting it absorb his silent
tears.

They lay like that for an hour or two, each listening to the
other breathe, wondering if either of them was going to fall
asleep.  A soft knock came at the door, and Alex got up to
answer it.

"Mother," Alex said as he saw who was on the other side.

"Alexander, your father and I are leaving.  This situation has
become. . ..awkward.  Come home to Boston with us.  We will wait
until you collect your things."

// Like it *hasn't* been awkward already?//  Alex looked at his
mother standing tall in the hallway, his father behind her,
their bags in his hands.  His father never said much when his
mother was around.  He wished just for once his father would
speak up and tell his mother she was wrong.

"I've told you, Mother, I'm not going anywhere.  This is my
home now.  Fox and I are together!"  His words started out
softly but ended up as a harsh whisper.

She looked at her son, and her right eyebrow twitched.  "Is
that your final decision, Alexander?"

Alex could see the anger of not getting her own way pulse in
the vein at the side of her neck.  "Yes, it is, Mother."  He
stood up and looked down at her.

Her green eyes narrowed to meet his.  "Very well," she spat. 
She turned on her heel and stomped down the stairs as gracefully
as she could.

Alex's father looked at him and nodded then followed his wife.

Alex stood there outside the door to the room he shared with
Fox.  He felt elated that his parents were leaving, but at the
same time sad that they wouldn't accept him doing what he wanted
to.  // I'm an adult for Christ sakes, you'd think they'd
realize that.// He shook his head; his mother wasn't going to
let anyone do what they wanted to.  It was her way or the
highway, and she had just proved that point.

Alex turned the doorknob and went inside the bedroom.  He was
actually feeling tired.  He removed his clothing and then
proceeded to undress Fox.

"What are you doing?"  Fox asked.

"I'm trying to make you feel comfortable."

"I'm not in the mood."  Fox tried to roll over away from his
grasp.

Although that statement made Alex cringe, he didn't back down. 
"Hey, sleeping in your clothes is not comfortable.  Come on." 
He grabbed Fox's arm and helped him into a sitting position.  He
then took his shirt off and started to unbutton his jeans.  Fox
let him and lifted his hips to let them be removed from his
body.  Once Fox was clad only in his underwear, he rolled over
to the edge of the bed, his back to Alex's side.  Alex climbed
in behind him and spooned his body around the back of his lover.
He could feel the sobs before he could hear them.  It seemed
like all they did was cry lately.  So much bullshit, so much
pain was in their life lately.  Alex wondered if they'd ever get
through all of this.

// We have to.  We just have to.//

He kissed Mulder's ear as the tears flowed, not doing anything
but holding his lover until they stopped many minutes later. 
Alex continued to kiss Mulder's ear and neck until his lover was
asleep, himself following soon after.

Fox was up before Alex, although neither of them had slept very
much the night before.  The day was spent mostly in silence, Fox
brooding in the back yard, raking leaves that weren't there. 
Sam and Alex watched him worriedly from the kitchen, while
drinking endless cups of coffee.  Jason headed back to Boston;
there was some problem at his software company that only he
could take care of.  He was going to come back and collect Sam
the day after the funeral as she had to get back to her practice
as well.

Alex waited until Fox was in the shower before he got up and
went to the closet.  He took out his suit, the only suit he had
here.  He remembered when all he had was formal clothing from
tuxedos to designer sweaters.  He supposed they were all packed
away somewhere after his parents had cleared out his apartment
in Arlington after he was convicted.  Out here with Fox,
however, there was no need for that; in this town jeans were as
formal as people got.  Alex liked that; he had always been
around people who had money and wealth in possessions.  In this
town, a wealthy man was a guy with a good job and a healthy
family.  He liked this simple life.  // Simple!  Yeah, right!//

He heard the shower turn off, and Fox padded into the bedroom
soon after.  He came over to the closet and stood beside Alex. 
Fox rummaged through the closet until he came to a garment bag,
which he pulled out and laid on the bed.

Alex watched Fox carefully arrange the bag on the bed, noticing
that he was wearing only a towel.  Had this been another
morning, he would have come up behind his lover, wrapped his
arms around him and nuzzled his still wet hair.  Then he'd take
off the towel and drop to his knees and. . .  It was unfortunate
this was not another morning.  It was unfortunate that today
they were burying Michael.

Fox opened the garment bag and pulled out a dark blue suit,
which he hung on the back of the closet door.  He brushed a few
specs of lint off of it then got out the white shirt and tie
that went with it.

Alex surveyed his own side of the closet; he had everything he
needed.  He made a mental note to buff his shoes. . .

"I've never owned a suit before," Fox said softly.  "Sam bought
me this suit early this year when I met Jason's parents.  We
went to the opera. . ."  He caressed the dark wool between his
fingers.

"Yes," Alex said.  "You wrote me that night to tell me how much
you had enjoyed yourself."

"It was the Magic Flute."

Alex nodded.

"I remember intently watching the opera, gathering as much
information as I could so I could tell you about it.  I wrote
notes in my program about the costumes and the sets.  How the
lady who played the 'Queen of the Night's' voice went so high
yet was so clear."  Fox's eyes were glittering with tears.  "I
wanted to remember everything so I could tell you and not skip a
detail.  You had said you'd missed this opera when it was
performed in Vienna during a Mozart festival one year.  You were
so disappointed that you had missed it.  I wanted to be your
eyes and ears that night.  All through the performance though, I
felt as if something was missing.  I kept turning to my right,
as if you were there beside me."  Mulder gave a short laugh,
"I'm sure Mrs. Prestwick thought I wasn't all there.  She'd look
back and smile. . ."  Mulder laughed again.  "And when Papagano
found his true love after looking and looking for love, any
love, it felt good.  I felt such joy because I knew that *I* had
found my true love."  A tear fell from Mulder's eye.  "I had
rushed Sam home so I could write it all down and send it
priority mail to you."

"I remember," Alex whispered."

"I felt so good, I felt so happy.  But now. . . the way I feel
today, I don't know if I'll be able to feel that joy again."

Alex crossed the short space separating him and his lover and
took him in his arms.  Fox stayed there, holding him for a few
moments before he pulled away.

"We have to get ready for the funeral," he said softly.

Alex reluctantly pulled away and went to have a shower.

The three of them rode to the funeral in silence, Sam driving. 
When they got to the cemetery, a twinge of regret and
anxiousness started in Alex's stomach.  He was afraid.  He
didn't know how these people would accept the two of them
together at the funeral.  What was he thinking?  What the hell
was he doing here at all?  He should have stayed home.  He stood
tall and squared his shoulders; he was here to support Fox, and
if they couldn't handle that, then too bad.

His bravado lasted only a few minutes until they got to the
gravesite where the short ceremony was to take place. There were
chairs on either side of the flower-laden coffin.  By the amount
of chairs, Alex suspected that there weren't going to be too
many people attending.  Michael's mom was sitting there along
with her son Darryl and what looked like his wife and children. 
A few other people were also sitting down.  Alex looked around
nervously at everyone.  It was a beautiful day; fall had come
early this year.  The leaves were tinged with crimson and gold
against a brilliant blue sky.  Alex wished he were somewhere
else, somewhere with Fox under one of the trees in the back yard
looking up at the sky, laughing.

Everyone's head turned and watched as he, Sam and Fox
approached.  Darryl sneered at them as they took their seats. 
He nodded at Brian Pendrell, who just raised his eyebrows.  Alex
sat back in his chair and fiddled with the buttons on the sleeve
of his overcoat.  He did *not* want to be here.  Suddenly, Sam
grabbed his hand and squeezed it for a moment.  She had sat
between Fox and him so she could comfort them both.

More people came to sit in the chairs.  Alex kept his head
down, but he could feel them looking in their direction. Most
people avoided sitting next to them until there were no chairs
left and they were forced to.  Alex finally looked up and right
into the eyes of Jamie Ryder's mother.  //Oh fuck, can this get
*any* worse?//  A small gasp left her mouth as she recognized
Alex.  Alex remained expressionless as he watched her grab onto
a young man's arm.  Alex suspected it was probably her youngest
son.  She took a seat and was hidden from view by the casket. 
Alex was grateful she couldn't see him anymore.

Alex looked back down to his sleeve and fiddled with his
buttons again.  He didn't want to face the accusing eyes of the
people of this town.

Finally the pastor started his sermon.  Alex seriously thought
the pastor was going to point at him and Fox and yell, 'THEY
KILLED MICHAEL!  IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT!'  That didn't happen. 
The words that were said were very nice.  One of Michael's
nieces got up to sing a song.  During that time, Alex looked
over at Fox, who had tears streaming down his face.  Sam had her
arm around him and was rubbing his shoulder.  Alex wanted to
reach over and take Fox's hand, but under the circumstances, he
didn't think it was such a good idea.  How sad was this?  How
fucked up was this situation?  He couldn't even comfort his
lover, the man he hoped to be with for the rest of his life.

The young woman finished singing and they all stood.  A prayer
was said as the coffin was lowered into the ground.  It was only
then that Alex actually saw the people glaring at them.  He
shifted his stance and looked down at his hands again.  He could
see Fox still sobbing out of the corner of his eye.

Michael's mother placed a rose on the coffin as it descended to
its final resting place and then the service was over.  Fox
walked up to the edge of the green carpeted hole and looked down
into the grave.  He brought something out of his pocket.  It
looked like a Boy Scout patch.  Fox drew in a deep breath then
let it out in a sigh.  Tears were still running down his face.

"Goodbye, my friend," Alex heard Fox whisper.  "I always loved
you, Mike."  Fox kissed the small patch of fabric and tossed it
in the grave.

Alex felt as if he had been stabbed in the heart.  It wasn't
supposed to be like this!  They were all supposed to live
happily ever after!  How was he supposed to now compete with
Mike's ghost?

Fox looked up at Alex and gave him a weak smile, but he could
see in Fox's eyes that he wasn't looking at him; it was more
like he was looking through him.  Alex reached out and squeezed
Fox's arm anyway.  Fox turned and Sam linked her arm through
his, and then they started to walk toward the car.

On the way, they encountered Mrs. Lindsey.  Alex hoped they
would go around her and be on their way, but Fox decided to
speak to her.

Mrs. Lindsey, I'm. . .I'm sorry," Fox said.

She glared at Fox but reached out to give him a brief hug just
the same.  "Thank you, Fox," she replied curtly then turned away.

Alex felt another pang of guilt run through him.  Suddenly,
Darryl came up to them.

"You've got a lot of nerve coming here, Fox," he seethed. 
"Coming here with your little boy toy.  Jamie's parents are
here, for Christ sakes.  Don't you have any respect, any common
decency?"

Mrs. Lindsey grabbed Darryl's arm.  "Darryl, that's enough."

"No, it's not, Mom  If it wasn't for him, Mike would still be
alive.  I'd still have a little brother.  He killed Michael, he
and this. . .this murdering son of a bitch.  They have no
respect for human life.  They have no respect for Michael.  And
this little. . .jerk has no respect for Jamie."

"Oh, and I suppose *you* do, Darryl?"  Fox surprised everyone
with this statement.

"Excuse me?" Darryl sneered.

"You know, you talk about Mike like you loved him or something,
when you hated him.  What was that you said to him when he came
out?  'I have no brother.'  I was there, remember?"

"Yeah, when he came to tell me that *you* turned him gay."

Fox snorted, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, even
from you."  He ran his hand through his hair.  "You know, he
went to you because he was confused.  He needed guidance; he
needed his big brother to tell him what he was feeling was okay.
The day he came out was supposed to be an enlightening
experience.  He wanted to get everything out in the open and
lift the weight from his shoulders.  He didn't want to live a
lie.  But you just pushed him away.  You wouldn't let your kids
see him, even though he loved those kids.  He always wanted a
family, and you took his one chance away from him."

"It's my fault?  I see.  I'm the bad guy here.  I'm the bad
guy, yet you're the best friend who ended up fucking his lover's
murderer.  *You* killed him, Fox.  *You* broke his heart with
your sick and twisted little fuck toy here.  And you know what,
*you* have to live with it!"  Darryl turned and stomped off in
the direction of his car with his wife and daughter in tow.

Fox stood there, his face red, tears still streaming down his
face, but these tears were from anger.  Alex came up beside him
and took his hand in his own.  He didn't know what to say.  They
just stood there for a long time until Fox was able to walk to
the car.  The ride home was tense to say the least.

Jason was waiting for them when they got back to the house.  He
had cleared up the problem sooner than expected, and he knew Sam
needed him right now.  When he saw their faces, however, he made
a motion to Sam and went upstairs to their room, speculating
they would want to talk.

"Fox," Sam said quietly. "There's just one thing I want to say
to you. It was *not* your fault that Mike killed himself. I
loved him too, but he was a weak man. He always has been. He ran
away from here because he was scared of loving you all those
years ago, and eventually he found Jamie, who took care of him.
When Jamie died, he didn't know how to function on his own, and
it was easier for him to blame everyone, rightly or wrongly. He
took the easy out by killing himself rather than dealing with
it, and much as I hate to say it, I think he intended to hurt
you by doing it. He *knew* how you'd feel, and he meant to hurt
both of you by driving you apart. Don't let that happen." She
kissed both of them on the forehead and went upstairs to Jason,
letting him hold her as she cried out her own sorrow and pain.

Her statement fell on Fox with great importance.  She was
right, he knew she was right.  He shouldn't blame himself for
Mike's death.  Mike always took everything to heart and got
stressed out over the smallest problems.  Like the archery
patch.  Mike hadn't been able do it.  He'd started shaking when
it came time to do the test, which had thrown his aim off.  He'd
wanted that patch so bad. . .// and now he has it.//

Fox started to cry again; he was so sick of crying, so sick of
this grief and pain.  He didn't know how to make it stop.  He
didn't know how to live his life as his own without having
everyone hate him.  There was only one thing to do.  He would
have to leave.  He felt Alex's arms come around him, and he fell
into his embrace as the thought of leaving his home weighed upon
his shoulders.

How could he leave his home?  His parents had bought this home
forty years ago; he'd grown up in this house.  He'd never lived
anywhere else.  His emotions overcoming him, Fox sank to the
floor and clung to Alex's legs for dear life.  He let out a
large, shuddering sigh.  "I. . .I have to leave my home."  A sob
left Fox's mouth.  "I can't live here anymore."

Alex could only caress Fox's hair as he had a death-grip on his
legs.  He waited until Fox had calmed down somewhat before he
spoke.  "I have a condo in Boston that my grandfather left me. 
We could live there."

"I don't want to leave."

"I know, baby, but maybe it's for the best?"

Fox dried his eyes on the leg of Alex's pants, his arms still
wrapped around him.  His face was digging into Alex's hip. 
Suddenly, his fingers were kneading Alex's ass, and his chin was
nuzzling his groin.  Soon, he was starting to undo Alex's pants.

"What are you doing?"

"I need you, Alex.  I need you to show me you aren't going to
make me go through this all alone."

"I'm *not* going to make you go through this all alone.  We're
in this together."

"I want you, Alex."

"No, Fox. . .no."  He reached down and removed his now open
pants from Fox's grasp.

"Don't you love me?"

"Of course I love you."

"Then fuck me, Alex!"

Alex got down so he was on the same level as Fox.  "No.  I'm
not going to fuck for fuck's sake again.  That wasn't
lovemaking, that wasn't tender, that wasn't the way it was
supposed to be."  He paused.  "I'm not fucking you anymore.  I'm
making love to you."

Fox felt hurt.  How could Alex reject him like this?

"Please, Fox.  Can't you see that we're just hurting each other
this way?  Can't you see that this mindless fucking doesn't mean
anything?  I want every time to mean something.  You're just
doing this to cover up bad feelings.  You're using sex as a way
of escape."

Alex took Fox's hands in his own; he hadn't said how he felt
very many times before, but letting it out felt good.  "Please,
Fox, tell me what you're feeling.  We have to talk to each
other."

Fox winced, but he knew Alex was right. He had to stop this,
had to be honest with Alex. "I want you to love me, but I'm
afraid I'll lose you. Everyone I love leaves me," he said
painfully. "My parents died and left me alone. Mike was my best
friend and lover, and I thought we'd be together forever, and
then one day he told me he was moving away. He never even asked
if I'd go with him. Even Sam moved on, not that I blame her," he
added hastily. "She grew up and had to go live her life, and I
*never* begrudged her that, but I was alone again." He shrugged
sadly. "And now Mike's really gone forever. I guess I kept
pushing you away so I wouldn't have to wait every day expecting
you to realize what I was and go."

Alex wrapped his arms around Fox. "What is it going to take to
make you believe that I love you?" he demanded in frustration.
"I don't ever want to lose you, but I never know what you want."

"You."

"What?"

"I want you. Just you. Nothing more. I want to love you and you
to love me."

Alex groaned. "Why do we keep going around in circles and
ending up right back where we started from? If one of us isn't
freaking out, the other is. Okay, let's try this one more time.
To paraphrase a very wise and beautiful man, I, Alex Krycek,
love you, Fox Mulder."

Mulder managed a faint grin at the repetition of his own words
to Alex not that long ago. "Okay, I think it's sinking through
my thick skull. I promise not to push you away anymore." Then he
sighed. "Or at least I'll try my best."

"That's all I can ask of you," Alex replied, pressing a tender
kiss on his lips.

Alex and Fox held each other silently for long minutes before
Alex spoke. "Are we okay?"

"We're going to be," Fox said. He sighed sadly. "Sam was right,
although I always refused to see it. I won't lose you to Mike's
manipulations. God, I wish I could have helped him though."

"So do I, babe, so do I. I'm sorry you had to lose a friend
over me."

Fox shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't mine.
Mike made his choice, and now we have to get on with *our*
lives." He nuzzled into Alex's throat. "I do love you, you know."

"I know. I love you too." Both men smiled, albeit shakily, and
Fox built up a fire, and they fell asleep in front of it.

Alex woke to the morning light streaming in the living room
window.  He tried to roll over but realized that he was half
sitting, half lying on the couch.  Fox's head was in his lap. 
He smiled as he looked down at his still sleeping lover.  Last
night was a breakthrough.  They had confronted their feelings
together, and the world had not ended.  Somehow he knew they
were going to be okay.  He stroked Fox's soft hair and watched
as he started to stir.  Soon, Fox's hazel eyes blinked open and
looked up at him.

"Hey," Alex said then bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

Just then Sam came downstairs.  When she saw the two men
together on the couch, a big smile appeared on her face, and she
swooped down and hugged them.  "I love both of you."

Fox groaned, "I can hear the violins now.  Do you mind not
squishing me?"

"Awww, big brother, you take the fun out of everything."  She
released them then stood up.  "Jason and I have to go.  I'm due
back at work soon."

"I think that's my cue to make breakfast," Alex said.  He
kissed Fox on the mouth and went into the kitchen to make them
all pancakes.

After Sam and Jason left, Alex and Fox snuggled down in the
living room again.  They spent the day on the couch watching
television, grateful for the silence that enveloped the house. 
For a week there had been way too many people living in this
home together.  Dinnertime came and Alex made some pasta, but
then they went back to watching TV again, curled around each
other on the couch.  It was as if they had suffered from sensory
overload, and now they needed something mindless to do.

After about an hour, Alex excused himself and went upstairs,
Fox remained on the couch watching TV.  Soon, Alex was back. 
"Everything okay, babe?" he asked, not turning his head from the
flickering in the corner.

"Everything's great, lover."

Fox smirked, Alex never called him *lover* unless. . .  His
thoughts were cut off as a piece of smooth material covered his
eyes.  "Alex, what are you doing?"

Fox heard a chuckle and then, "That's for me to know and you to
find out."

Fox was pulled up to his feet, and he tried to reach out to the
man in front of him.

"Uh-uh!  You can't touch until I say so.  Come with me."

"That's not fair."

"Trust me, Fox."

Fox sniggered; whatever Alex had in store for him was sure to
be good.  He was led up the stairs and to their bedroom.  He
couldn't see any light at all from the edges of the blindfold.

Suddenly, hands were on him, caressing him, removing his
clothing.  His shirt was pulled over his head and Alex's tongue
was lapping at his nipples in an instant.  He then began to suck
on one, making it harder and harder.  Fox let out a gasp as Alex
bit down and sucked, marking him, making his cock twitch.  Then
Alex's mouth moved down his chest and slowly licked a trail to
his navel.  Alex lingered there for a few moments nuzzling the
hairs on his belly.

Fox was sweating with anticipation.  It had been so long since
they had actually made love without having to keep quiet due to
other people in the house or fucking for no other purpose than
to fuck.  Thumbs hooked into the waistband of his sweats.  They
and his underwear were brought off in one motion.  Now he was
naked.  Alex's mouth was kissing down his leg, but then it was
gone.

"Turn around," came the soft command.  Fox obliged and turned. 
"Get on the bed and lie on your back."

Fox lay down on the bed, feeling that the sheets had been
turned back and a single pillow was on it.  He placed his head
on the pillow and folded his hands on his chest, but Alex moved
his arms down to his sides instead.  He could feel the mattress
dip as Alex sat beside him.

The smell of almonds and vanilla came to him just as the warm
oil hit his chest.  Alex straddled him and Fox could feel that
his partner was hard.  This set his own cock in motion again and
he let out a moan.  Talented fingers started massaging him,
moving the oil around, caressing every inch of the front of his
body.  Alex's mouth preceded the oil, kissing, nipping at the
skin then soothing with his touch.

Fox moaned, he could feel the love radiating from Alex with
every movement of his fingers.  Alex's hands wandered down to
his legs, massaging the strong muscles down to his feet.  Fox
noticed that his cock was being avoided and ached for Alex to
touch it.

"Don't worry, baby, I'm going to make you feel so good," Alex
said as if reading his mind.

Fox only offered a moan of contentment that sounded more like a
purr as he was rolled over onto his stomach.  He positioned
himself so the weight of his body pleasantly pressed down upon
his cock and balls.

Not being able to see made Alex's motions even more erotic. 
Fox may not have been able to see him, but he could smell the
oil and smell his lover and hear him breathe.  He could also
feel Alex's hard cock rest against his body.  His fingers worked
like magic, the strokes providing just enough pressure to soothe
as well as arouse.

Fox's back was being massaged now, Alex's strong hands digging
into the muscles.  His hands went lower, down to Fox's waist
where they spent a long time caressing and teasing the small of
his back.  Alex knew this was an erogenous zone for Fox and made
sure he was plenty frustrated before he moved on.

Fox was so hard.  Every stroke of Alex's hands brushed his cock
against the rough sheets and his smooth belly, leaving him
aching and wanting more.  He was fighting the urge to just fuck
the sheets and be done with it, but the rational side of him
told him that he would be rewarded soon enough.

"I need you, Alex."

"I need you too, baby," came the husky reply to his ear.  "Just
a little bit more."

Fox let out a whimper but lay still just the same.  Alex's
slick fingers were now kneading his ass, his thumbs moving down
on either side of his crack.  Lower and lower his thumbs went
until they were at his opening.  Fox spread his legs and
readjusted himself so that his cock poked down, hoping for some
contact.

Alex's thumb dug in and around his anus, spreading the oil
around before it went inside, making the hole wider.  His other
thumb soon joined the first, stretching it wider, searching for
and finding that special spot in Fox's ass.

Fox jumped at the first caress of his prostate, and Alex did it
again and again.  Fox was biting his lip to keep from coming and
was making a whimpering sound signaling he was close.

"I've got what you want, Fox."

"Give it to me, Alex. . .I want you. . .I need you."

Fox felt Alex's cock press up against him.  "I need you too,
baby."

Slowly, Fox was filled, and his hands grabbed the sheets before
him.  He still had the blindfold on and couldn't see his lover. 
He brought his knees under him and pushed his ass back into
Alex's groin.  After a few tentative strokes, Alex was thrusting
into him with power, making the bed shake and bump against the
wall.

"God, I love you, Fox.  I love you so much," Alex panted.

"I love you too, Alex," Fox whimpered.  Suddenly, he was
flipped over onto his back, and his legs were raised, and Alex
was leaning over and kissing him.  The blindfold came off, and
he stared into dilated pupils lit by candlelight.

"Tell me again. . .tell me. . ."  Alex reared up and moaned;
his climax was coming soon.  He wrapped his hand around Fox's
cock and started pumping counter to his thrusts.

"I love you, Alex. . .oh God. . .."  Fox groaned and gasped as
he came, spattering both men with his semen.

Alex let out another moan and then stiffened.  He thrust a few
more times then collapsed forward onto Fox's chest.  Both men
lay there, breathing heavily, unable to do much more.

A few minutes later, Alex looked up into Fox's eyes and
caressed the side of his face.  "I love you, too," he whispered
and kissed his partner for a long time.  He then disengaged
himself from Fox and cleaned them up before he returned to the
bed, candlelight bathing his body in a warm glow of soft yellow
light.

The men snuggled together, endorphins running through their
veins.  // Alex was right, making love is different.  It's
special.//  He kissed Alex on the mouth and snuggled down into
his chest.  They stayed like that for a long time.

"I guess we have to start packing," Fox said as he propped his
head on his hands and looked up at his lover.

"Are you sure you want to go?"  Alex caressed his hair.

Fox shook his head.  "We can't stay here.  We can't be
prisoners in our own home."  He sighed.  "At first I was
reluctant to go even though I knew that we'd never be accepted. 
I thought of it as running away from our problems.  But now,
we've tried to face our problems head on, and we're not getting
anywhere.  It's. . . counterproductive to stay here."

"I agree.  As much as I want to stay here in this lovely house,
I can't watch you go through any more pain."

Fox caressed the side of Alex's face and kissed him.  "Thank
you.  Thank you for being there."

"Where else would I be?"  Alex grabbed him in a tight embrace.

Fox didn't answer him; instead he shut his eyes and hugged Alex
back.  Leaving his boyhood home would be hard, but moving to a
new city would give them the chance to start over.  He kissed
the chest beneath him.  Not many people got a second chance at
life, but he did and for that he was grateful.

THE END OF HARDENED CRIMINAL V


"I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

- "We're in this Together" - Nine Inch Nails
Go to Part VI: Promises Kept