by CKC

Jim opened the door to the loft and stepped inside. Blair was still sitting on the couch, and Jim would bet season tickets to the Jags that the younger man hadn't moved since he'd left, a good - Jim checked his watch - three hours ago.

"Hey, Chief..." he said by way of greeting, and strolled over to the back of the couch. He propped himself against it and leaned over his partner, rapidly scanning his notes.

"Oh, hi, Jim..." Blair pushed his glasses back up his nose, in a totally endearing gesture. Then he noticed what Jim was doing and quickly buried his notepad in a book and slammed it shut. "How was your dinner with Stephen?"

"Good." Jim paused and thought. "We talked more than we ever did as kids."

"That's great!" With a grin, Blair twisted around and stared up at Jim. "So you had a real dialogue going, and you talked through your past aggression and..."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Jim interrupted him quickly. "We talked, Sandburg. You know, two guys, talking. We didn't have a 'dialogue,' or 'talk through' anything."

"I see," replied Blair with a solemn nod. "After meeting and thumping each other on the back, a total of twenty-five words were exchanged: twenty-two about the food, the restaurant, and the waitress, and three about your collective past. A truly meaningful reunion."

"Yeah, well..." Jim shrugged. "Have you eaten?"

"No. I wasn't hungry. So what did you talk about?"

"First, Steve said that..." Jim paused. "Did you hear that?"

"What?" Blair's eyes moved like search-lamps around the room.

"It's a low, grumbling, complaining sound..." Jim donned his patented 'hey, I'm surprised' expression and looked at Blair. "I think it's your stomach, Chief. You better put something in it before I'm deafened."

"Oh, ha, Jim." Blair grimaced. "C'mon, you were telling me about what Steve said."

"Tell you what. You eat, I'll talk. Deal?"

"What?"

Jim sighed. "It's simple. You get dinner, and while you're eating, I'll tell you about my dinner. Okay?"

With an answering sigh, Blair took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "And that's the only way you'll tell me, I expect." Jim nodded. "This could be considered coercion, you know."

"Yep. You got a problem with that?"

Blair heaved himself out of the couch. "Guess not." As he passed Jim, the older man snagged his arm and pulled him close. Blair batted at Jim's hand. "Hey, let me get some dinner, man, if it's the only way you're going to tell me what's going on."

Jim chuckled and released his arm. "Okay, Chief. But I'm in no hurry..."

"Yeah, but I am! I want to know what happened, dammit!" Blair slammed into the kitchen and grabbed a container from the fridge, dumping the contents into a bowl and shoving it into the microwave. Jim almost pointed out that he had taken the wrong color container, but then decided against it - he was having too much fun to interrupt it with inconsequential details.

Jim sauntered over to the cooking island and leaned against it, arms crossed over his chest. He didn't try to suppress his grin.

The microwave dinged, and Blair grabbed the bowl, snatching his hand away with an oath. With a glare at Jim, he put on an insulated glove and transferred his dinner to the table. Scraping back his chair and ostentatiously sitting and taking up his spoon, Blair glanced up at Jim and paused - spoon poised above the bowl.

"Well?"

Jim sat across the table from Blair and leaned back in his chair, arms still crossed. "You first."

The spoon dipped, filled, and went in.

"I asked Steve how he was doing, and he told me about the changes in the company management. He's got a lot more responsibility now, but seems to be happy with it."

Blair swallowed and Jim stopped.

Pausing for a moment to glare at Jim again, Blair took another spoonful.

Jim continued as if he had never stopped. "Then he asked me how life in the Cascade PD was going. We talked a little about some of the cases that made the news..."

Another spoonful, faster this time. Jim hardly had to pause.

"He asked about you."

"Me?" Surprised, Blair mumbled through his dinner.

Jim grinned. "He wanted to know if you were completely recovered from that bullet wound. I said yeah, you were back to normal. And then some."

Spoon.

"We talked about the Orcas, and the latest news from the track. Too bad Simon's nag was such a bust."

Spoon.

"He told me about this woman he's dating. She sounds like she's good for him. Then he asked me if I was seeing someone." Jim could feel Blair's body temperature suddenly rise. Good. "So I told him..."

Blair stopped chewing and Jim closed his mouth, biting the inside of his cheek to prevent the grin from spreading over his face.

"You told him what?"

Jim looked at his partner, his most innocent 'whatcha talkin' about?' expression on his face. He said softly, "You're not eating."

//Oh, good scowl,// he thought as Blair shoveled another spoonful into his mouth.

"I told him that I was seeing someone very special. Someone I'd known and admired for a long time..." He leaned back and turned to look out the windows. He'd suddenly grown tired of his game.

There was a long silence. Jim heard the spoon clatter into the bowl, heard Blair's breathing become rapid and shallow. Blair swallowed, hard, and then whispered, "Admired?"

Jim nodded, still staring out the windows. "More than anyone else I know."

There was another pause. Jim didn't have to look at his partner to know that Blair's eyes were wide with surprise, his face flushed, his mouth slightly open. If he looked at Blair now, Jim knew he'd be lost. And he was having a hard enough time finding his way as it was.

"And then?"

"Steve said 'Blair, right?' I said, 'yeah,' and invited him over to watch the game on Thursday and to get to know you."

Blair was silent and still for so long that Jim glanced across the table at him, worried. And immediately lost himself in those eyes...

"Jim? JIM!!"

With a start, Jim looked up into Blair's eyes again, but this time the look of fear in them kept Jim from getting lost. Blair sighed and pushed the hair out of his face.

"Oh, man... Will you stop doing that!"

Blair was sitting in front of him on the edge of the table. He smelled so good. Jim blinked and wondered when he had moved...

"Don't you dare..." he heard - muffled, as if through thick fabric. Pain suddenly blossomed on his cheek, and his eyes flew open as he grabbed a hand that threatened his cheek again.

"Sorry, Jim." Blair sounded half-frantic. "I didn't know what else to do..."

"'S okay, Chief." Jim released Blair's hand and rubbed his eyes and face. "You did the right thing."

"Hey, I really am sorry." Blair leaned forward and smoothed his thumb over Jim's cheek. "Damn. I didn't mean to hit you that hard..."

"Forget it, Sandburg." Jim leaned forward, as if to kiss Blair, and poked him in the ribs.

"Jim! What the hell was that for?" Blair rubbed his ribs and winced.

"I dunno. You tell me." Jim leaned back in the chair and looked at his partner, already deep in thought.

Blair was silent for a few seconds, then nodded. "Oh, yeah. Courtship ritual."

"Yeah?" Jim raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Blair nodded again.

Jim shrugged. "Oh. Okay."

A grin spread across Blair's face, and Jim could feel his own grin answering it.

"So you finally invited Steve over," Blair said, as if that particular thread of conversation had never been interrupted. "That's great! I can work late that evening..."

"You weren't listening, Chief. I invited him over to watch the game and to get to know you better. He can't do that if you're not here."

Blair hesitated. "He didn't seem to have a problem with you and me... being together?"

"He didn't seem to. I mean, he didn't ask if he could be best man, but he didn't make gagging noises, either."

"Good." Blair continued, his voice soft. "I wouldn't want to make you chose between me and him."

"There'd be no choice, Sandburg." Jim stood and stretched. "You'd win every time." Savoring Blair's stunned expression, Jim patted him on the arm. "I'm going upstairs. Want to come?"

"Uh... Oh... Yeah!" Blair slid off the table and looked up at Jim, lips pursed. "When you say 'come,' do you mean..."

"Depends on what you want, Chief." Jim grinned. "We can sleep, or..." He raised an eyebrow.

Blair ran his hands through his hair and smiled at Jim. "I'll bet I can make your knees give out in less than a minute."

Jim fought to keep his breathing calm and steady. It wouldn't do to show Sandburg exactly how much that idea appealed to him.

"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"So sure I'll bet a month of cleaning the bathroom if I lose. And if I win, I get to make you sticky..."

"You're on..."

****

Forty-seven seconds. And Jim had tried very hard not to let Blair win. Blair grinned as he helped Jim onto the bed, then crawled in himself to finish what he had started.

Jim sprawled across the bed, eyes closed, chest heaving, the muscles in his shoulders and arms rippling as his hands clenched the bedclothes. He gulped a deep, shuddering breath as Blair returned his attention to Jim's erection. A gentle stroke here, a firm squeeze there... Jim moaned so appealingly that Blair briefly wondered how anyone could deny Jim anything. He certainly couldn't, and not just in bed. Lips and tongue joined his fingers; the volume of Jim's moans grew. He had a second's warning before Jim bucked his hips and cried out - ample time to move back, keeping his hands in place, caressing, calming, soothing. And spreading.

Once he was finished, Blair sat back on his heels, using his wrist to push the hair back from his face, and admired Jim. He was so beautifully sticky - glistening in the dim light.

Jim raised his head and looked down his front, then groaned and dropped back on the bed.

"You win, Chief."

Then Jim's hand shot out and grabbed Blair's arm, and he was unceremoniously dragged on top of his partner and pulled up for a kiss that left him dizzy and breathless and sticky too. Blair slumped over Jim.

"Hey, for an old guy you sure have a lot of energy..."

Jim took his partner's face between his hands and kissed him again, gently this time. Once. Twice.

"You have no idea how much energy I have for this," Jim said quietly. "For you."

Blair blushed, and he knew Jim could feel the sudden rise in his temperature. //He's doing it again... What can I say to him when he says stuff like that?//

But Jim didn't seem to require an answer. He rolled over, depositing Blair beneath him, rising on his elbows and knees to maintain the barest hint of contact between their bodies.

"Any last requests while you still have the use of your mind?" Jim's eyes were half-closed, and he looked dangerous... Blair shivered in excitement.

"You're pretty sure of yourself," he replied with a bravado he didn't feel. "What makes you think I'll need a last request?"

"Call it a hunch," Jim said. Then he pounced.

At some point in the proceedings, Blair knew he had lost his mind. It had probably fallen on the floor somewhere, or maybe it was cowering under the bed, keeping the dust bunnies company. He really didn't care, because Jim was doing something totally amazing to his body - okay, a couple of totally amazing somethings -- and he just didn't see the need for his mind right now. He'd look for it in the morning.

Maybe.

****

Jim looked up from the computer and rubbed his eyes. It had been a long day, but he was almost finished with his report on a series of extortions at mom-and-pop stores. Another few minutes, and he and Blair could pack it in. He glanced at the clock. Good. They'd have time to grab some dinner before Steve arrived.

They. Ellison and Sandburg. Jim and Blair. Lovers for five days, five nights. It was good - great, even, as long as Jim kept the memories -- those memories -- buried.

Jim had worried when they walked into the bullpen Monday morning. Would their working relationship change because of what had happened? But when Simon had called them into his office and outlined the developments on the recent spate of tourist carjackings, they both responded as they always did, and Jim knew he didn't need to worry.

True, Taggart did give them a strange look or two that morning and went out of his way to have a word with Blair. Whatever Blair had said - and Jim was very proud that he didn't listen in on their conversation - seemed to reassure Taggart, and he was his usual friendly self.

"You about ready, Jim?"

Jim roused himself and looked over at his partner. "Almost. Give me five minutes to finish this."

"Okay." Blair returned to the report he was reading.

Jim typed in his observations, pleased that he was finally picking up some speed on the keyboard. Of course, next to Sandburg's flying fingers, his version of hunt-and-peck, which Blair called 'search-and-destroy,' was as slow as carving words into marble with a chisel. But he was improving.

He quickly saved and backed-up his document, then sent it to the printer, where it would be collected and added to the files.

"You're getting good at that," Blair said with a grin. He dumped the report back on the desk.

"Yeah. It's amazing the number of tricks you can teach an old dog."

Blair looked disgusted. "You're not going to try that 'old' shtick on me again, are you?"

Jim looked at him, only his eyes showing his amusement, and shrugged. "It worked last night, didn't it?" he said softly.

With an unexpected blush, Blair whispered, "Only because you made me lose my mind, man. Normally, I'd never..." His voice trailed off as his blush deepened.

"Of course not, Chief." Jim grabbed his coat and headed out the door.

****

They were just cleaning up from dinner when the doorbell rang. Jim could hear Blair's heart suddenly race and smell his sweat as he left Blair to finish and went to the door. //Sandburg's nervous. Sandburg - who's never nervous about meeting anyone...//

"Hey!" Steve arrived and Jim greeted him with a hug and a thump on the back, grinning as he remembered Blair's comments about their dinner conversation. Steve came bearing a smile and a six-pack, and Jim stowed the beer in the fridge as Steve said hi to Blair. Then Jim showed him around the loft. They were on the balcony when Blair joined them.

"Good to see you again, Steve," he said, handing them both a beer.

"You, too. You look pretty good for someone who was shot in the leg and then airlifted out."

"Hey, the bullet was easy - it was that helicopter ride that almost did me in..."

"Well, it impressed Jim." Steve glanced at his brother in amusement. "At dinner on Sunday, he kept going on and on about how intelligent and resourceful you are, and how brave, and..."

"Wait a minute!" Jim interrupted, his face pink. "I may have said Sandburg did okay, but..."

"Nope. That's not what you said, Jim. It was, and I quote: 'Blair's got brains, but not just the kind that are good in a museum. He's proved over and over that he can get himself out of tight spots, and he's saved my ass more times than I'd like to count. He's smart and he's funny, and even when he's scared to death, I know he'll be there, covering my back.'"

Jim grimaced and rubbed his forehead, staring out over the water. "I'd forgotten that you could remember conversations word-for-word like that, Steve." He sighed. "Thanks. Now Sandburg'll never let me forget what I said."

Steve chuckled, but there wasn't a sound from his partner. Jim turned to find a stunned Blair. A shocked Blair. A Blair who was gaping at him, and who looked as if he'd been pole-axed and just hadn't gotten around to falling down yet. His mouth moved wordlessly, and those eyes looked up at Jim in utter bewilderment.

"Time for the game, Chief," Jim said, and followed Steve back inside. He sat next to Steve on the couch and turned on the tv, making small-talk about the teams, the coaches, and the fans. Throughout it all, however, Jim was monitoring Blair. His partner stood on the balcony for a few minutes after they left, his heart rate falling slowly, his breathing gradually returning to normal. Eventually he came back inside and sat on the other couch, his eyes on the tv as the game started.

It was a close game and by half-time the scores were within a couple of points of each other. All three men groaned when a shot was missed, and cheered at a last-minute save. They took a bathroom and refill break as the commercials started, and Jim took the opportunity to bring out some of the munchies that were left over from the poker game. He only laughed at Blair's grimace of disgust as he offered Steve the pork rinds.

They settled back in their places, and Steve looked over at Blair.

"There's plenty of room over here, Blair. You don't have to sit by yourself."

Blair stared at him for a minute, then shrugged. "I didn't want to embarrass Jim, or make you uncomfortable."

Steve nodded. "Thanks, but I've never been bothered when two people want to be together. And as to embarrassing Jim," he turned to his brother and laughed, "I'd consider that a public service."

Jim sighed. "You always have my best interests at heart, don't you?"

"Yeah," replied Steve, and turned his attention back to the tv as the game resumed.

Jim looked over at Blair, who hadn't moved. He gave a tentative half-smile and held out his hand. After a second or two, Blair slowly got up and settled next to Jim, leaning back onto Jim's arm as it slid over his shoulders. Jim gave him a squeeze, and Blair's hand came to rest on Jim's thigh.

//It's enough,// thought Jim. //It's more than enough...//

****

It had been more than he expected, more than he'd dreamed. Last night he and Jim had been sitting on the sofa, arms around each other, talking and joking with Steve. A couple, entertaining in their home. The two of them. Blair was beginning to understand what it was that he had wanted when he claimed Jim less than a week ago, exactly what the fierce possessiveness that filled him meant to both of them. And the ramifications of that understanding both thrilled and frightened him.

"You done with that report yet, Chief? Or are you just gonna stare at Simon's door until we leave?"

"Sorry." He lifted the report before unseeing eyes.

"Blair?"

Jim's voice was soft. He had turned away from his desk and now he looked at Blair with such open affection that Blair's chest ached, like he'd been bruised on the inside.

"I was just thinking about us," he murmured.

"Us?" Jim casually leaned back in his chair, like he did dozens of times a day, and stretched. From his position a little behind and to the left of Jim, Blair could see down Jim's body, all the way to the bulge in his trousers.

//Not here, please,// Blair sent up a silent prayer and tore his eyes away, meeting Jim's.

"Can't help it, Sandburg," he shrugged. "Sitting here, listening to you, smelling you, feeling your heat..."

"Oh, gee, thanks, Jim," replied Blair, shifting in his seat, trying to relieve the sudden build-up of pressure that threatened to split a seam in his trousers.

"Why should I be the only one to suffer?" Jim asked reasonably. He turned and picked up the report from Blair's lap, brushing his knuckles against Blair's erection. "Let me get the okay from Simon about this warrant, and then we're outta here." His face remained calm, but his eyes sparkled as Blair glared at him and shifted in his seat again.

Blair could have sworn that Jim bent over his desk, his butt in Blair's face, on purpose. Tease. And then there was that walk over to Simon's office... //Damn, the man moved like a jungle cat - all muscles and grace and power...//

"Hey, Blair, is everything all right?"

Blair jumped at the unexpected sound. "Oh, Joel. You startled me." He grabbed a file folder and held it in his lap - trying to look busy and to hide the 'gift' Jim had left him.

"Sorry. You looked a million miles away." Taggart glanced over at Simon's office, then turned back to Blair with a smile. "Or maybe just a few yards..."

Blair stared at him for half a second, eyes wide, before the words registered. "So, what's up?" he blurted, then blushed as Taggart grinned. To his immense relief, however, Joel didn't make the expected rejoinder. Instead, he propped himself comfortably against Jim's desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I didn't have much to drink at the poker game on Saturday," Joel began. "And I saw things - little things - that are none of my business. No one else saw them, I'm sure," he said, forestalling Blair's question. "I haven't drawn any conclusions about what I saw, and I don't intend to, but a few things reminded me of something that happened several years ago."

"To Jim?"

Joel nodded. "He had a rough time after..."

He glanced over at Simon's office as the door opened and Jim stepped out. "Have a good weekend, Blair. Don't let Jim bully you into cleaning both days."

"Like that'll ever happen," Blair said, keeping his eyes on Joel and off Jim's approaching figure. "Thanks, Joel."

Taggart pushed himself off the desk and nodded at Jim. "Have a good one, Jim."

"Hey, Joel. You, too." Jim grabbed his jacket and turned to his partner. "How 'bout we grab some dinner on the way home? My treat."

"Great! Do you think we could try that new..."

"Forget it, Sandburg. 'My treat' means my choice."

Blair groaned as they got into the elevator. "Not Monsterburger again. I'd rather cook..."

Jim laughed. "Nah. I wanted to try this Italian place that Simon was telling me about. It's down by the waterfront, and he said it's got a lot of healthy stuff on the menu." They were alone in the elevator, and Jim turned away from Blair and studied the buttons. "He said it's pretty romantic..."

Blair felt like the floor tipped beneath him, and he put out his hand to steady himself.

"Whoa, Chief." Jim grabbed his arm, holding it for a few seconds until Blair nodded. Jim released him, but stayed close. "What happened?"

"It was the weirdest thing, man." He shook his head, trying to hide the grin that threatened to split his face. "It was like this time in Fiji, when I'd been partying with these three girls..."

"Get to the point," growled Jim, looking disgusted. "I don't want to hear about your debauched youth."

"Oh. Okay. Well," he leaned forward and lowered his voice conspiratorially, "I actually heard Jim Ellison, professional hard-ass, say the word 'romantic'..."

Jim's hand whipped out and latched onto his chin, raising it until Blair stared, grinning, into Jim's face. "So you'd rather go to Monsterburger? Is that what you're saying?"

"No. I just never thought of you and romance before."

Jim dropped his hand and turned away from Blair as the doors opened. They walked to the truck in silence, and were three blocks away from the PD building before Jim glanced over at Blair.

"I can do romance, Sandburg. I just haven't wanted to for a while."

"Since Carolyn?"

Jim shrugged and stared out the windshield. "It didn't last long."

Blair wasn't sure if Jim was taking about his marriage or the romance, and he didn't really want to ask. He'd just begun to feel grounded again, back on solid rock, and he wanted to stay that way for a while. At least through dinner...

"Hey, what was Simon doing at a restaurant that serves healthy food?"

"He said it was on the menu -- I didn't say he ordered it."

Jim glanced at him again and they both chuckled.

****

Simon was right - it was romantic. Blair speared another forkful of salad and chewed it thoughtfully. Not romantic like Maya's picnic dinner in his office, but romantic like two best-friends-turned-lovers sitting across from each other, eating good food, drinking decent wine, and enjoying each other's company. And occasionally playing a discreet round of footsie.

Then Jim laughed at him and leaned forward, tapping Blair on the forehead. Blair decided that it was far more romantic than some dinner in his office. Absolutely.

He tried to thank Jim on the way back home, but Jim, in typical fashion, kept brushing it off.

//Okay. If you won't listen to me say 'thank you,' guess I'll have to show you...//

Once in the loft, Jim hung up his jacket and wandered over to the window, staring out into the darkness. "So, what do you want to do now?"

Hiding a grin, Blair shrugged. "Watch a movie?"

"Yeah." Jim turned toward him and appeared to consider the suggestion. "Or we could..." and he jerked his head in the direction of his bedroom.

Blair schooled all of the enthusiasm out of his voice. "Sure. Whatever." But he couldn't keep the smile from his face.

Jim stalked over to his partner, head slightly lowered, eyes sparkling. "Don't do me any favors, Sandburg."

"I'll be doing myself a favor, Jim. I mean, I've been packing this," he gestured toward his bulging trousers, "since we left the office, and it's time to do something about it."

"Any ideas?"

"How about I clear off my bed while you get the stuff, and then we take the party upstairs?"

"Works for me."

Blair quickly piled his notes and books into a corner of his room and spread a towel out on the bed. Jim returned with their paper bag of 'stuff' and stood in the doorway, his eyes on a blushing Blair.

"Still not used to this, are you?" Jim asked gently.

Blair shook his head, then walked up to Jim and pulled his head down for a quick kiss. "No. But with enough practice, I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually..."

"Let's try this..." Jim helped him slip off his jeans and shorts, but when Blair started to unbutton his shirt, Jim shook his head. "Leave it on. Socks, too."

It felt really strange to lie there in shirt and socks and no pants, Blair decided. He wriggled on the bed. Strange and exciting and... kinda naughty. Vulnerable in a different way than being completely naked. Then Jim told him to lie still, and for the next few minutes, it took all his concentration to follow Jim's gentle instructions.

Bouncing back from the bathroom, he took great delight in peeling off Jim's trousers and shorts, revealing tantalizing glimpses of his partner. Jim was right - this was a good idea.

When they both had finished, Blair grabbed Jim's hand and started up the stairs, a step or two ahead. He reached the top step when a second hand suddenly moved his shirttail, slid up his thigh and cupped his cheek. Startled, Blair twisted around. Jim was still a step down, and their faces were even. He grabbed Jim's face and kissed him hard, then moved his hands down the expanse of Jim's shirt and searched beneath the cloth for Jim's butt.

Jim pulled away, rasping, "Not on the stairs, Sandburg."

"Then don't start something you can't finish, Ellison," Blair growled, moving back just enough so that Jim could make the last step, but not taking his hands off Jim's rear.

They groped each other for a minute or two and then decided at the same time that they would be more comfortable in bed. Blair broke and ran first, but Jim grabbed his shirt and they tumbled onto the bed together. Jim ended up on his back, with Blair burrowing under his shirt, licking and kissing and nipping. Jim groaned.

Blair sucked on one nipple and fingered the other until were both were tight and hard and Jim writhed beneath him. It felt so good as they rubbed against cloth, and skin, then cloth again, and then skin, sliding their shirts around, concealing and revealing their bodies like a peep-show. He moved lower, tonguing his way down Jim's quivering stomach until he reached his erection. After a single lick, he moved lower, eluding Jim's searching hands, and broke away.

"Blair, wha..."

"Shhh..." Blair quickly grabbed the pillows and piled them carefully. With gentle hands, he rolled Jim over and positioned him on his stomach, ass in the air. "Comfortable?" he whispered. Jim just sighed and nodded.

Heart pounding, almost dizzy at the sight of Jim waiting for his touch, Blair moved around behind Jim, caressing his ribs, down his flanks, and up across the top of his butt. He could feel Jim's muscles jump and twitch at his touch, and felt the tension in them build as Jim tried to stay still. His hands moved slowly, circling, smoothing, and when his tongue and lips followed, Jim moaned.

He savored the slightly salty tang of Jim's flesh, the velvety texture of his skin, and slowly, ever so slowly, worked his way toward the center. His hands holding Jim open to his gaze, he breathed across the tender flesh, then leaned forward and tasted him. Jim gasped and pushed back, and Blair could feel Jim's flush grow and spread in a pink haze over his skin. Keeping a firm grasp on Jim's cheeks, Blair used his tongue to alternately tease and soothe, until Jim was panting, moaning continuously beneath him, his legs quivering.

Resting a finger firmly against, but not in Jim, Blair reached out and scrabbled in the nightstand, finally emerging triumphant with the tube of jelly. After a few abortive attempts, he gave up trying to apply it one-handed, and just worked as fast as he possibly could. Then he returned to his partner, bestowing a few kisses as a reward for his patience. Jim bucked back, and Blair held him with one hand on his hip, while the other continued the work his lips had begun. Jim's moans strengthened as they slid against each other, Blair adding one finger, then another, twisting his hand, maintaining an unremitting pressure and constant motion.

Finally Jim murmured "Please..." It was all Blair needed - he had been ready ages ago.

Slowly withdrawing his fingers, he placed his erection against Jim, teasing and tantalizing. He held Jim's hip as he tried to push back, resisting the urge to just take his partner in one swift plunge. This was for Jim - the only way he could say 'Thank you' that Jim would accept.

He advanced into Jim, setting a slow but inexorable pace. Blair felt as if his skin was too hot and tight for his body, as if he could burst open any moment. He stroked Jim's flank as Jim raised himself onto his hands and threw his head back, breath rasping. Jim remained still, accepting Blair as he entered him, only his chest heaving as he knelt there.

Their thighs touched, and Blair came to rest against Jim. He paused to push the sweaty hair from his eyes, and leaned forward to kiss Jim's back. Jim's arms quivered, and he pushed back against Blair. Taking the hint, Blair chose the rhythm - fast but not punishing - slow was no longer an option. He stroked into Jim, then reached around and placed firm fingers around Jim's erection. The feel of Jim, inside and out, threatened to overwhelm him, and Blair bit his lip and struggled to focus: this was for Jim...

Then Jim shoved back with all his might and cried out. Blair felt his release, both inside and out, and, after one powerful thrust, joined him. His body trembled as he pumped into Jim, all muscles taut, and he was suspended for a long moment before everything collapsed, and he fell forward.

With a groan, Jim lowered the two of them onto the bed, still connected. Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's shoulders, pressing languid kisses onto his back, feeling the warmth of satisfaction spread through his body. Beneath him, Jim shifted a little, and ran a hand down his face.

"I'll get off..." Blair said, and gathered himself together to move.

"No!" Jim grabbed his arm with one hand. The other pressed into Blair's hip, trying to anchor him where he was. "Stay..."

"Shhh, I'll stay here as long as you want me to."

They drifted for a few moments, content to remain silent.

Finally, Jim took a deep breath, and Blair rode it out like a wave. "Too heavy?" he whispered.

"No. Just... Thanks." Jim's voice was husky.

"No way, man. That was my thanks to you for such a great evening, and for still being my best friend, and for..." Blair's voice trailed off.

Jim didn't answer. He turned his face into the pillow, and his chest heaved again. And again. Blair slipped out of Jim, slid to the side and gathered Jim into his arms.

"Hey. Hey, what's the matter?" He turned Jim's face toward his own. There were no tears, but the sadness and misery written across Jim's features pierced Blair with the twin blades of fear and concern. "Jim, what is it?" he soothed. "Did I hurt you? Was it too much? Tell me..."

"No. It's not your fault." Jim's arms wound around Blair and pulled him close. "Just that memory stuff again..."

"Tell me."

"It's okay, Chief. I'll..."

"It isn't okay, and it won't be okay until you get it out."

Jim looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You've gotta talk! Otherwise, it'll sit there inside you and fester." Jim shook his head. Frustrated, Blair blurted out, "Joel said you'd had a rough time..." He stopped abruptly as he realized what he'd said, and wished he could bite off his damnable tongue.

Jim sucked in a shuddering breath, and released it with a snort. "So Taggart figured things out..."

"He said he wasn't drawing any conclusions, but the thought of us didn't seem to bother him... I think he was just trying to help."

"Yeah. Sure."

Blair rubbed his face against Jim's shirt, still rucked up under his arms, and stroked his back. "Jim, do you trust me?"

He felt Jim tense.

"With my life..."

"Then trust me now, here..." He placed his fingers over Jim's heart. "Sunday you asked if there was a place for you here, in me," Blair continued, wrapping his fingers around Jim's wrist and pulling Jim's hand to his chest, placing them flat over his heart. Blair's heart sped up as Jim's fingers pressed against him, gently caressing. "There is, Jim. Right here. And now I need to know if there's a place for me in you, or if the memories have taken up all the room and won't let me in..."

He waited for Jim's answer, just barely holding his fear in check. He kept his eyes on Jim's face, watching the play of emotions that only he could read - he knew that no one else saw so deeply into this man. Pain, sorrow, longing, and hope crossed over the familiar features, and finally, finally, Jim met his gaze.

Blair knew the answer then. It exhilarated him, but first Jim needed to close the door on the past.

"Tell me."

With a sigh, Jim released Blair and rose. Blair leaned back on his elbows, waiting. Jim would talk more comfortably if he could pace, so Blair just watched his lover make the circuit back and forth across the room as he spoke.

"It was back when I was in Vice. We were trying to bring down this guy who was into everything: drugs, prostitution, loan sharking, and hard-core porn, including kiddie pix." Jim shook his head. "Ugly. I'd been trying to break into the loan sharking operation, but they were a tight-knit bunch of bastards, and turned me down flat. As I was leaving, the head of the operation told me that there were always opportunities for a guy with my build in the porn area. We hadn't had any luck finding a lead into that part, so I acted interested and he gave me a guy's name and phone number, and said he'd let the guy know I'd be calling."

Blair looked at Jim, still in his shirt and socks. Yeah, the guy had a good eye for star material, all right.

"After clearing it, I contacted the guy." Jim stopped suddenly and stared at Blair, the skin between his brows furrowed. "Chief, most porn doesn't bother me - in fact, I like a lot of it. But this stuff..." The muscle in his jaw worked frantically and he looked off into the corner of the room. "They took orders from clients with specific interests and created their own personal 'fantasy scenario.' It cost big bucks. And it turned out that some of the cast members weren't there voluntarily..." Blair felt sick at the thought.

Jim continued. "He said I was just what he was looking for. I didn't have any experience, so he cast me in a small part, sort of to get my feet wet."

Blair bit his tongue to keep from asking, but Jim met his eyes and gave him a ghost of a smile.

"I was a Roman soldier. You know, breast-plate, skirt with no shorts, helmet and sandals. They were doing something about Caligula." Blair shivered. Ugh. Jim nodded. "Yeah. A couple of us were supposed to use our spears to prevent 'guests' from leaving an orgy, and then get blown for our trouble..." Jim blushed. "When we were finished with our scene, the other soldiers and I were told to leave. One of the other guys asked if I wanted a drink, and I said yeah. I didn't want to go home yet, and the thought of going out on a date didn't appeal, so we found a bar and sat and talked for hours."

"His name was Paul Erickson, and he was a bass guitarist for a local band. He'd run out of money the same time the band had run out of gigs, and a friend convinced him to try out for the films. He was good-looking, probably too good-looking in some ways," Jim said thoughtfully. "We just seemed to hit it off..."

Blair waited for a minute, then two. Jim seemed lost in thought, and the prick of jealousy he felt at Jim's abstraction took him by surprise. Jealous of a man Jim was obviously not with anymore... Right. But he wanted to know the rest, and Jim seemed completely zoned.

"So what happened? You two jumped into bed?" Blair could have bit off his treacherous tongue at those words. He cursed himself - not jealous, huh? - and sat up. "I didn't mean it that way, Jim..."

Jim shook his head. "'S okay, Chief. That's pretty much what happened. He said he wanted me, and I liked what I saw of him, so we went back to his place and he taught me how to make love to a man."

Blair took a deep breath, trying to flush the burning resentment that someone else had touched his Sentinel, out of his system. "He was a good teacher, Jim. And you were a good student."

Jim flashed him a smile. "Thanks." Then he sobered. "After the first week, I convinced Paul to wait tables or something, anything but work there. If it had just been plain porn it wouldn't have mattered, but I didn't want him near the stuff I suspected was going on behind the scenes. I hinted at a few things I'd heard, and he landed a job in a music store two days later. He wanted me to get out, too, and couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave. When I finally told him I was a cop, he was so relieved - he said he didn't want to love scum..." His voice trailed off and his eyes darkened.

Blair waited again, the word 'love' ringing inside his head. Finally he whispered, "And you, Jim - how did you feel about him?"

Jim hesitated. "I liked him a lot. Maybe, in time, it would have become more..." He shrugged, then shook his head. "Maybe not."

Blair was surprised to find that he could suddenly breathe easier.

"After three months, they finally trusted me enough to let me see the heavy stuff they made - rape fantasies that were really rapes, child porn with six-year-olds, some nasty slasher stuff... I busted them that night."

"I went back to Paul's place, and told him about it. We spent the night making love. Then it was morning."

Jim stared bleakly at the wall. "As I was getting dressed, he knelt on the bed and begged me to come back for one more kiss, to make love to him again. I brushed him off and got in to work early - I didn't want to be seen leaving his apartment."

"The report of the bomb came in at 7:20 - it had gone off ten minutes earlier. As soon as I heard the address I was out of there. The whole place was gone. Joel saw me at the scene - I was crying and screaming for Paul - and he almost threw me into his car to calm down. I watched them take his body out of the rubble... It was meant for me. We found the guy who planted it, and he testified to save his ass. If I hadn't left for work early..."

Blair scrambled from the bed and threw his arms around Jim, trying to touch his lover all over, all at once.

"I'm sorry..." he said into Jim's rumpled shirt.

Jim pulled Blair close and stroked his head and back, hands not quite clutching, as if to reassure himself that his lover was there. Blair murmured whatever words of comfort came into his head, not caring how ridiculous he sounded. His Sentinel needed solace, and he was the one who could provide it...

He had finally run out of words before Jim dropped a kiss on the top of his head and gave his shoulders a squeeze. "Thanks, Blair. For everything."

"Any time, man..." Blair was surprised that his voice was so croaky. How long had he talked? "You feeling any better?"

Jim smiled as Blair cleared his throat, and pressed a kiss to his Guide's forehead. "Yeah. A lot better than I expected." He thought for a moment. "It's still there, but it's not as... intense as before. It doesn't hurt as much."

"Told you talking about it would help..." Blair rasped and smiled back.

"Guess it was your turn to be right." He released Blair, and then placed his fingertips against his lover's chest. "I need a drink and a shower. How about you?"

Blair nodded, and they walked down the steps hand-in-hand.

****

Jim felt the body next to him - well, pretty much on top of him, actually - wriggle and shift, and his arms reflexively tightened.

"Can't... breathe..." a voice gasped theatrically in his ear.

"Oh yeah?" Keeping his eyes closed, Jim located his lover's mouth by feeling the soft exhalations on his skin, then captured it with his own. //I'll give you 'can't breathe,'// he thought, demanding and receiving, feeling the resultant warmth work its way to his groin, until Blair pulled away with a whoosh.

"Oh, wow, Jim..." Blair panted for a few moments, then chuckled and dove back in for another kiss. This time Jim felt the kiss down to his toes.

He opened his eyes and broke away, his body screaming at the injustice of stopping. He ignored it - there was something he had to do first. "Wait a minute, Chief," he said as Blair started nibbling at his neck. "Hold on..."

"Yeah, right," Blair muttered, but he raised his head and looked at Jim.

He must have seen something in Jim's expression, because his face went still and solemn, blue eyes wide in the way that Jim secretly adored. Jim's heart ached with want and need and love...

"Love you, Sandburg."

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, realization dawned on his partner, and his eyes, those eyes, widened even further.

Jim smiled. "Can you say it, Blair?"

Blair took a deep breath. "Love you, Ellison."

Jim knew it was indeed enough - enough to last a lifetime and then some.

The end