by CKC

I open the door to the training room and flick on the lights. Not bad for a city facility. Still a glorified windowless closet, but at least the computers are new and there's a place at each workstation to put materials.

It doesn't take me long to set up. After ten years of conducting software training, I can pretty much put my brain on hold and run the class on autopilot, especially for intro classes like this one - your one-day basic 'hi, this is Windows 95' churn-'em-up-and-spit-'em-out class.

Boring, but at least it pays well.

The students start straggling in, and I assess them quickly. Two suits, one male, one female, clones almost: probably lawyers. They'll think they're too good for this and want me to hold their hands the entire time. A gaggle of women of varying ages: two, one older, one younger, look bright and eager; the others probably look at today's class as a day off work. I'll have to keep an eye on them to make sure they keep up. Two guys...

Whoa, momma! The day just got a lot more interesting...

The taller one is in his mid-thirties, with the face of an Adonis and a body so cut it hurts. Think Greek god. Think utterly gorgeous Greek god. The shorter one's in his late-twenties, and is equally as stunning but in a more ripe and sensual way. Think adorable. Think eat-him-up-with-a-spoon adorable. He touches the arm of Adonis, and his eyes sparkle, teasing. He's a minx. Adonis smiles back, and if anything had been in the way of the look they exchanged, it would be smoking ashes right now. Oh, so that's the way it is.

Stop right there, girl. You've got a class to teach.

They sign the roster with the others, and I check the names. Jim Ellison = Adonis. Blair Sandburg = the Minx. Ellison looks like he's probably ex-military - he has the bearing. Perhaps a cop. Sandburg? He's got me stumped, unless he's a social worker. Maybe a cop, too, like his lover - but with that hair, he'd have to be somewhere like Narcotics.

I check the clock. Nine on the dot, and everyone's here. Time to start the show.

Introductions go quickly, and I was right about the lawyers. Four of the women work in Accounting, and the other two are in Traffic Adjudication. Adonis is a cop, and the Minx is his partner. He calls himself a 'consultant to the police,' whatever that means.

Okay, we start off with the usual 'what is an operating system' question, and the Minx answers. Good answer. It's so thorough that I don't have to add anything, which is a refreshing change. I make my usual crack about guys crossing their legs when they're using Unix, and they both laugh. Hallelujah!! An audience!

The morning passes quickly, and I find myself playing to these guys. They laugh at my jokes, even the obscure ones, they answer when I ask questions and they actually look interested. I'm in heaven. The Minx is obviously familiar with the software, but is delighted when I can show him some shortcuts and interesting features. Adonis is pretty much a novice, but he's very quick on the uptake and follows instructions - something that a lot of people can't seem to do.

They stay behind at lunch break and the Minx asks some pretty in-depth questions about the software, Adonis chiming in from time to time. I'm melting - intelligence and good looks in both of them. Hot damn. I take them through some of the advanced features, and they lap it up like...

No. I'm not going there.

After about twenty minutes, they invite me to go to lunch with them, and I accept. Who wouldn't? Food and eye candy at the same time - what's not to like? We go around the corner to a small deli, where they're greeted like family and given preference in the lunch line. It's sunny outside, so we take our sandwiches to a tiny park down the street.

The Minx asks me questions about conducting classes, the types of people I teach, that sort of thing, while managing to eat his sandwich without being disgusting. It turns out he's a graduate student in anthropology at Rainier, and he's studying social structures in the police department. I don't believe a word of it - it's obvious he's studying Adonis for some reason. I don't call him on it, though - it's none of my business. We end up trading teaching anecdotes. Adonis eats quickly and neatly, then tells us this long, complex, and utterly hilarious story about some training he conducted as a Ranger. The man's a born comedian. By the end, the Minx and I are laughing so hard that we're wiping tears from our eyes.

I glance at my watch and sigh. Time for the afternoon session. This one is always the killer - the students are full and soporific, and tend to doze off if I don't keep them amused, especially on a Friday, like today. Sometimes I think that the secret of conducting effective training classes is a judicious combination of baby-sitting and stand-up comedy.

We troop back in and the afternoon goes quickly. The class is unexpectedly lively, feeding off the energy of the Minx, who's practically shooting sparks. Adonis is adding fuel, too - but more subtly, through his lover.

They're an absolute joy to teach.

Class winds up, and I answer all the last-minute questions, then hand out the evaluation forms. I used to be terrified of people's opinions of my classes, but now I don't worry. Some people will hate the class, some people will love it, and the majority will fall somewhere in between. My batting average is pretty good, but it's always a fillip to the ego to get an outstanding evaluation.

Everyone's handed in their evaluations, except for Adonis and the Minx. While they scribble, I make sure each system is reset to the vanilla parameters, and then power them down.

As I'm packing up my briefcase, they come over and hand me their evaluations.

"Thanks for a great class," says the Minx, his arm nudging his partner's. Adonis shakes my hand and echoes his words.

"Well, I wish I had students like you two in all my classes. It would make my life easier, and a lot more interesting." I smile as Adonis's arm goes around his lover. "Have a good weekend."

I check their evaluations after they leave. Wow. In fact, so wow that I think I'll xerox them and put them in my 'things-to-read-when-I'm-feeling-blue' folder. I knew they had good taste.

On the way home, I wonder exactly which classes the Minx teaches. You know, I've always been interested in anthropology...

End