by CKC

Once the twisting mountain road straightened and he could safely do so, Jim glanced over at Blair. His partner looked happy - content, even. As if what had happened between them this afternoon was A Good Thing. Jim rolled his head and worked his jaw. He hadn't realized he was so tense. Back in the forest, after... //Come on, Ellison, just say it...// after making love with Blair, he'd been so relaxed he could hardly walk. But now his brain had had time to kick in.

The truck hit a rut in the road and bounced. Jim winced.

"You okay, man?"

Without looking over at him, Jim chuckled softly. "Yeah. Just a little sore."

"Hey, I'm sorry. I tried to be as careful..."

"You were careful, Chief," he interrupted before Blair shifted into full guilt mode. "As careful as you could be." He reached over and touched Blair's shoulder, then returned his hand to the steering wheel. "I liked it. The fact that it was you."

"Me, too..."

They drove toward town in silence. Out of the corner of his eye, Jim could see Blair glancing at him with increasing frequency.

"You're really tense, Jim." Jim smiled. Blair was the Guide again.

He almost lied. Almost. "Just working through what happened between us."

"Oh." A huff of expelled air, the faint smell of sweat. Fear?

"What were you thinking of?"

There was a pause. Jim glanced over at Blair, who was staring straight ahead. "The same thing," he finally said.

Jim's mouth was suddenly dry. "Come to any... conclusions?"

"Just that I don't want it to be a one-time thing."

"Yeah," Jim replied, feeling some of his tension drain away. "That's pretty much where I ended up, too."

Blair's sigh of relief said everything.

****

Jim turned into the parking lot of their local grocery store. "Okay, Chief. Let's see if we can get beer and munchies for the poker game without turning this into a production."

"Hey, just because I like to know what I'm putting into my body doesn't mean I turn shopping into..." Blair's voice trailed off as he noticed Jim's raised hand.

"What you're putting into your body? One word, Chief." Jim leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. "Mayonnaise."

Blair chuckled. "Maybe I should rephrase that..."

"Don't bother," replied Jim, getting out of the truck. "Just get the beer and things that aren't supposed to be good for you - with lots of salt and fat. You know what everyone likes."

"And what are you going to be doing?" Blair asked, following him into the store.

"I have to get some stuff."

With a shrug, Blair turned toward the snack food aisle. //Maybe they won't notice if I buy some of those baked potato chips instead of the fried ones...//

Laden with his purchases, he met up with Jim outside the store. "Get what you needed, Jim?"

Jim shifted the large bag to his other hand and grabbed a grocery sack that was threatening to slide from Blair's arms. "Yeah. And I hope you didn't buy those damned baked chips again..."

Blair just smiled as they loaded the truck.

****

Blair washed and rinsed the last glass and carefully put it in the dish drainer. He was so tired that every movement required concentration, but he knew better than to even suggest they leave the dishes 'til morning. It had been a good evening, though - he'd won sixty dollars, and had managed to drop the word 'mayonnaise' into the conversation three times - each time keeping an eye on Jim. Jim had glared at him the first time, almost choked on his cigar the second time, and, finally, blushed at the third repetition.

Simon had given Blair one of his what-the-hell's-up-with-you-Sandburg glances, but Blair had just smiled back at him. //And Joel,// Blair grinned at the memory, //Taggart kept looking at Jim, then me, then Jim, then me - it was like being at Wimbledon.//

The door to the loft opened and Jim entered, suppressing a yawn.

"Well, Chief, I think we grabbed the last cab in Cascade."

"Good. Simon wasn't fit to drive."

"Brown, either."

Blair tried to hide his answering yawn behind his hand, but Jim just laughed and shook his head. "Good thing your bed isn't very far, Chief." Still smiling, Jim approached and rested his hand on Blair's back, then pulled him into a loose one-armed hug. Blair leaned against Jim, enjoying his partner's warmth and the feeling of closeness that the simple touch created.

"Yeah..." Any further answer was drowned in another jaw-cracking yawn.

"Unless..." Jim paused, and Blair looked up at him.

//He's blushing again... Look at him! Oh gods, and I'm too tired to do anything.// Blair wanted to scream in frustration.

"Unless," Jim continued after taking a deep breath, "you'd like to join me upstairs. Just to sleep - we're both too tired for anything else..."

"You sure, man? I can be tough to sleep with..."

"What's the matter? You hog the blankets?" It was said with a smile and teasing tone.

"Yeah. Big time. You know me - I can never get warm."

"I think I can deal with that." The tone was casual, no problem, but the meaning - the meaning took Blair's breath away - Jim wanted him close. Him. Blair.

"Okay." Off-hand, nonchalant, no sweat. Only the fact that his heart insisted on beating double-time gave him away.

Jim just gave his shoulder a squeeze and said "Good."

Washing, brushing, peeing, took little time. Before he could believe it, Blair was walking next to Jim up the stairs -- those stairs - in boxers and tee-shirt. And he yawned again. Jim laughed, and Blair found himself bundled into the bed, the blankets carefully tucked around him, and Jim spooned up at his side.

His last thought before he fell asleep was "I could get used to this..."

****

Jim kept his eyes closed, although he could tell it was morning from the sounds of traffic and the slight rise in room temperature. They both had the day off, and he didn't want to get up just yet -- he wanted to concentrate on the man next to him in bed. He wanted to lose himself in the steady rhythm of Blair's heart, drown in his scent, melt in his warmth...

He couldn't, of course. It wasn't that kind of relationship. They were friends. Having sex. Not... lovers. Love hadn't been mentioned at all. Jim lay still, allowing his senses just enough rein so that every movement, every change in his Guide's body, was perceptible. Not overwhelming. No chance of a zone out.

So he drifted, lulled into a doze by Blair's own relaxation. It felt good, holding someone. He remembered holding Carolyn for a while, then holding others with whom he had shared a night's passion. He missed waking up with his arms around a warm body, missed the sense of connection and sharing, no matter how fleeting. Sometimes Jim wondered if he used touch instead of words to communicate. He was certainly more comfortable exchanging touches than words. A casual hand on the shoulder, a brush of fingertips, a pat on the head, often told him more about the person with whom they were exchanged than hours of conversation. He wondered if that part of his abilities had been present for years, and he relied on it without realizing... //Interesting idea. What will Blair think?//

Blair. His Guide. Sleeping beside him. How many times had Jim woken up next to someone and wondered if this was the person who would stay by his side, day and night, for longer than a long weekend? He smiled. Sandburg had been beside him, if not in his bed, for almost two years - that time certainly counted for something. He blinked his eyes open and his smile broadened. Curls, stubble and an angelic face rested next to him. //Strange that I find him attractive,// Jim thought. //So different from...// His smile faltered as he ruthlessly cut off that train of thought. //He's so different from me... And I don't care. He's mine.//

Blair stirred, as if Jim's tumble of thoughts disturbed him. He stretched, then froze, and Jim could hear his heartbeat suddenly increase.

His eyes fluttered open, and he glanced over at Jim, wide-eyed. Jim almost laughed at his expression - a mixture of apprehension and delight.

"'Morning, Chief," he said with a smile, tightening his arms briefly.

"Uh, 'morning, Jim." Blair looked down at Jim's arm encircling his body. When Jim didn't remove it he glanced back at Jim's face and grinned tentatively. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah."

Blair studied his face for a moment, then twisted slightly, closing the space between them. Jim could feel his Guide's warmth through their tee-shirts, and pulled him closer. Ahh...

"I thought you didn't like to carry any weapons, Chief, much less concealed ones."

"Huh? I don't..." Blair stopped as Jim nudged his hip. "Oh. That." He managed to grin and blush at the same time. At that delicious sight, Jim wondered, not for the first time, why someone hadn't permanently removed Blair from circulation by now. Blair pushed gently against him. "You gonna frisk me?"

Jim thought for a moment. "Nope."

"Nope?" Ninety percent of Blair's disappointment was acting, but it was that remaining ten percent that made Jim lightly kiss his forehead before releasing him.

"I'm hungry, Chief, and so are you. I can hear your stomach rumble."

Blair grimaced. "Is that all? Jim," he scooted across the bed toward his retreating partner, "I'll make us breakfast in a little while, after we... Okay?"

"I need food now, Sandburg," Jim said, standing.

Blair laughed. "What you need, Detective, is to take care of that massive structural problem in your shorts."

Jim glanced down. He gave Blair a baleful glare. "I wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for you."

Blair grinned and got up on his knees. "That's great! C'mon, Jim..." he wheedled. "I'll show you how to say Buebah another way..."

//Don't do this to me, Blair,// he thought, a thin lash of pain curling through his gut. //Don't kneel in my bed and beg me...// Images of a close-cropped blond head with fine-chiseled features flashed through his brain, unwanted and unwelcome. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as his Guide had taught him. He tried to step through the memories, the tension, the building agony...

"...come back to me. Jim, listen to my voice. Jim. Jim..." His Guide's voice drew him forward, past the memories, past the pain, into strong arms, and he took another deep breath before opening his eyes. Blair stood before him, hands reaching, centimeters from his shoulders yet not touching, lips pinched and brow wrinkled. Jim could smell his fear, could hear his pounding heart and shallow breath. "You okay?" Blair's voice shook almost imperceptibly.

Jim stepped forward, as he had in his mind, into his Guide's waiting arms. "Yeah." He shook his head. "Guess I got lost for a minute, there."

"More like five minutes," Blair mumbled against his chest, his hands moving in soothing strokes across Jim's back. "I was starting to worry."

Jim just held him tightly until Blair's heartbeat and breathing returned to normal.

"Jim." Blair remained quiet until Jim pulled away slightly and looked at him. "What did you zone on?"

"Memories."

"Memories?" His partner's confusion was obvious. "You zoned on memories? What kind of memories? Were you using your senses? Did you feel..."

Jim laid a finger over those full lips, stilling them. "Just memories, Chief. Nothing to do with my Sentinel abilities. Now," he continued, pulling away with a small smile, "let's have breakfast, and you can show me another way to say Buebah afterward."

Blair smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jim nodded. "It's always good to know how to communicate in other languages..."

"Right! What do you want? Cereal is fast, or yogurt... I think there might be some leftover..."

"Slow down, Chief. I want coffee and bacon and eggs and toast." Jim lifted Blair's chin with a finger and met his eyes. "And you'd better eat hearty, too. You're going to need all the energy you can get for what I have planned for you..."

Blair's eyes widened, and Jim just laughed.

****

Blair padded down the steps, had a quick wash, then started breakfast. His mind see-sawed between excitement at what Jim had planned for him, and apprehension at Jim's zone-out. //Memories?// he thought, rolling his eyes as he cooked the bacon, //Just memories? I don't think so...// He stifled the flash of hurt that Jim wouldn't tell him more. //Well, why would he? I mean, I lived with the guy for almost two years before he told me about Stephen and his dad. And then it was only because we met Steve on that case.// He glanced over at Jim, who was busy setting the table. //We're both private people. Jim communicates in dribbles, while I drown everyone in words. But the outcome is the same - we keep other people in the dark.//

His hands were busy while his mind wandered, and soon they sat down to breakfast. Blair was surprised at how hungry he really was, and he had to return Jim's smile as he cleaned his plate.

"Yeah, yeah," he said before Jim could get a word in, "you were right. Food was a good idea."

Jim didn't say anything. He just looked smug as he helped clean up.

"Okay," said Blair as he threw the dish cloth into the sink and turned to Jim, "what's the plan?"

For a second, Blair could have sworn that Jim looked terrified, but his partner turned before he could get a clear look, grabbed the bag of 'stuff' he had purchased yesterday and set it on the table. Blair raised his eyebrow and peered into the sack.

//Jeez...// He picked up a package and stared at it. //I didn't know they even sold half this stuff...// The bag contained a box of water-based jelly, a container of antiseptic wipes, and an assortment of prepared enemas and suppositories. //Everything that can clean you out...//

"Hey, Jim, you really are anal, aren't you..." And he stared as Jim burst into laughter. "Oh, sorry, man. Bad pun..." But he had to grin. "Why the whole pharmacy?"

Jim sobered immediately. "I didn't know what you'd be comfortable using... or if you'd ever used anything before. So I got a little of everything."

Blair grinned. "What was the clerk's reaction?"

"I don't know..." he confessed with a blush. "I didn't look at her."

Blair dropped the subject and sorted through the packages. "I've used this a couple of times. Seemed to work okay."

Jim nodded and picked up a similar package. "Yeah. That was my experience."

"Your experience?" Blair thought his eyebrows might shoot up to his hairline. Then the obvious reason became clear. "Oh. Physicals for the army and all..."

Jim shook his head and fiddled with the package. "The 'and all' was the reason I used it, Chief. Not for physicals."

Blair felt as if someone had sandbagged him. "You mean Jim Ellison, hunter of long-legged, red-haired beauties, has... has had experience with other men?"

"You don't work undercover in Vice without picking up a number of experiences," Jim said softly. "Some good, some bad."

With a jolt, Blair recognized that flash of pain in Jim's face, and rested a hand in the middle of Jim's back - just enough for contact without smothering. Jim leaned back into his touch, as if seeking the connection. "Were your experiences with men good or bad?"

"Both." Jim turned and wrapped his arms around Blair, holding him tightly. Even without Sentinel abilities, Blair could feel Jim's pounding heart and the tension in his body.

"You want to talk about it? It helped when you told me about Steve and your dad."

Jim held him tighter. "No."

"But you need to..."

"No!" It was the tone that brooked no argument.

"Okay, Jim..." He stroked his Sentinel's back, sides, shoulders, trying to soothe and comfort with his touch. After a few minutes, Jim loosened his grip, and Blair could draw back slightly. Jim's jaw and neck were taut, almost vibrating with tension. "How about a backrub?"

"But..." Jim's expression darkened.

"But nothing. If we want to enjoy ourselves, you've got to relax a bit - or you'll pull a muscle." Blair cocked an eyebrow. "You gonna explain to the doctor just how you threw out your back?"

Jim's quick grin was all the encouragement Blair needed. He steered his partner to his small bedroom, dumped the books and papers strewn across the bed onto the floor, peeled Jim's tee-shirt off, and settled Jim on the bed on his stomach. Blair ran to the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of baby oil. He paused when he stepped back into his bedroom, enjoying the sight of his partner stretched out on his bed - all that hard muscle and smooth flesh waiting for him to touch.

He straddled Jim's hips and started by gently stroking his back - long, sweeping strokes with enough pressure not to tickle. After a few minutes, he changed techniques, kneading Jim's shoulders, upper arms and neck, firmly rubbing small circles over the hinge of his Sentinel's jaw. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, Jim began to relax, the tight muscles softening, becoming pliant. Blair worked another twenty minutes, until the man beneath him was putty-soft and limp. He leaned forward to nuzzle Jim's muscular neck and nip at his ears.

Jim shifted his hips and made a soft, inquiring noise.

"Better?" Blair breathed into his ear.

"Yeah." The word was almost a sigh. "Chief?" Jim wiggled his hips under Blair's. "How about helping me use that package?"

"What?"

Jim pushed his hips up against Blair. "It's better if you help me, and then I'll help you..."

Blair stilled from surprise. Of all the things Jim could say at this moment, that was probably the one he least expected.

Jim craned his neck around, and Blair could see the tension returning to his jaw. "Is something wrong? Did I..."

"No, nothing's wrong," Blair hastened to reassure him. "I just wasn't expecting you to..." He could feel himself blushing. //Damn! Why am I reacting this way? It's just about our bodies and sex. I like sex...// His eyes slid from Jim's gaze. "I've always done it myself, you know..."

Jim twisted around until he was facing Blair, and Blair could feel their erections rubbing together, separated only by the fabric of their boxers. Jim ran his hands up Blair's arms to rest on his shoulders.

"You don't have to. I mean, it's not a house rule or anything." He relaxed a little at Blair's grin. "But it can be... stimulating."

Blair leaned forward, his lips a breath away from his partner's. "That's the best offer I've had in a long time. Wait here." Before Jim could pull him in for a kiss, he quickly scooted back and off the bed, laughing at Jim's small moan of disappointment.

Grabbing towels, jelly, wipes, and the packages, he returned to the bedroom, to a Jim who was barely holding on to the frayed edges of his patience. He spread a towel out over the bed and helped Jim find a comfortable position, then took charge. Stroking Jim's flanks and murmuring words of praise and encouragement, Blair soothed him while they waited, and shivered at the promise in Jim's glance when he rose and hurried to the bathroom. He wasn't sure who had enjoyed the experience more - his entire body felt hot and his breathing verged on ragged. It was hard to believe that doing that to someone could be so... stimulating. He grinned as Jim's word echoed in his head. That feeling of intense and overwhelming possessiveness that had filled him yesterday returned full force, and Blair felt his world tilt and shift uncomfortably. //It's too much...// he thought, as tendrils of fear began to work their way into his gut. //How can one person make me feel this way?//

"Chief?" Jim stood in the doorway, brows lowered and jaw tight. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Blair took a deep breath and released it forcefully. "Just... You were right, you know, about it being stimulating."

A smirk appeared on Jim's face as he sat next to Blair on the bed, just their upper arms and thighs touching. "I've been right twice in one morning? Wonders will never cease."

"Remember that pride comes before a fall," Blair grumbled, but he smiled when Jim laughed, and then pushed against his partner. "C'mon, it's my turn..." Jim laughed again.

//It's the contrasts,// Blair thought as he was stripped and situated on the bed. //Hot and cold, hard and soft, clinical and intimate... That's what's so exciting.// A portion of his mind sat back and mocked him gently. //It's true,// he insisted, trying to hold onto his thoughts as the sensations flooding his body claimed more and more of his attention. //That's why it's so intense...// He ignored the jeering voice inside him and allowed himself to be captured and carried away by his body's demands.

But that small part of his mind knew the truth, and was willing to wait patiently for the rest of Blair to acknowledge it.

****

Jim shook his head and smiled as Blair disappeared into the bathroom. It seemed strange to him that someone as experienced as Blair in matters of the bedroom could still be so naïve in certain areas. His Guide had certainly seemed to enjoy their activities, however. Jim's groin ached after watching Blair give himself up to the pleasure he was creating. His heart ached, too, but he was able to ignore that - after all, he'd had enough practice. Without thinking, Jim gathered up the towels and dumped them in the hamper, picked up their shirts and shorts and folded them neatly on a chair. He threw out the empty boxes and, in one concession to his playful mood, tossed the tube of jelly and the box of wipes up to his bed, where he heard them land on the mattress.

Blair emerged from the bathroom, bounced over to Jim and grabbed his hand. "C'mon, Jim..." He tugged him toward the stairs.

"Anxious, aren't we, Sandburg?" Jim schooled the smile from his face.

The other man turned and stared at him, disbelief evident in his expression. "Me? I was just gonna help you get rid of that." He pointed to Jim's erection.

"Always the thoughtful Guide, eh?"

"You bet." While Jim still stood on the floor, Blair stopped on the second step, turned and wrapped his arms around his partner. He leaned in for a kiss so soft that Jim had to dial up his sense of touch to feel it. Suddenly, Blair deepened the kiss, and Jim gasped at the intensity. He didn't dampen his sense of touch, though - he just let Blair's kiss pound through him until his knees were shaking and he reached blindly for the railing. Blair tightened his hold, helping Jim stay upright, until finally he pulled back and eyed Jim with a smirk.

"Liked that, huh?"

"Just you wait..." Jim replied, and took a mock threatening step up the stairs. Blair laughed and started up the steps, but not too quickly. With a start, Jim realized that Blair was moving just fast enough to keep his butt in front of Jim's face. //What a tease...//

"Hey, good shootin', man..." Blair's eyes sparkled as he scooped up the jelly and wipes and deposited them on the bed-side table. "You do that from down below?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." Blair stood, hands on hips, head cocked to one side, as if he was daring Jim to do something. "Now what?"

Jim crossed his arms and stood, looking at his partner. Now what indeed. Jump him? Seduce him? Tie him up and... No, that would wait 'til later. Jim smiled. Of course.

Fight fire with fire.

He took Blair's right hand in his, turning it over to kiss the palm. He gently bit the mound of Venus, then nibbled and licked his way up to the inside of the wrist, pausing to feel Blair's pulse through the thin skin. His Guide shivered as Jim continued up the tender flesh of his inner arm, pausing again at the elbow to check Blair's heartbeat, already increasing. Jim's lips moved up the outside of Blair's arm and over his shoulder, and he circled Blair until he was standing behind him. Brushing aside the long curls, Jim followed the curve of the neck, finally coming to rest on the soft, smooth patch of skin behind Blair's ear.

"Buebah..." Jim whispered.

Blair shuddered and sighed as Jim stepped away. Jim then repeated the process on his partner's left hand and arm. This time when Jim reached Blair's ear, his breathed the word "Doll..."

Jim sat on the side of the bed and captured Blair's hand, pulling him forward to stand between his legs. His hand moved slowly up Blair's arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, up over the shoulder and neck, coming to rest on back of Blair's head. Using as little pressure as possible, he guided Blair's mouth down to his and kissed him lightly, teasingly, pulling away quickly when Blair tried to deepen the kiss. Holding Blair's hands at his sides firmly but gently, Jim kissed each nipple, then laid a trail of kisses down the middle of Blair's chest. He paid brief homage to the navel before moving on to the belly, which quivered and jumped at each brush of his lips. Jim could hear Blair struggling to control his breathing and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to make his Guide gasp and pant at his touch. He nibbled at the tender skin of his stomach, avoiding Blair's erection save for directing occasional tantalizing whispers of breath across its heated flesh. Blair moaned, his hands, still he

ld in Jim's grasp, clasping the air, his entire body quaking with suppressed tension.

Jim moved Blair's hands to the small of his back and clasped his partner's wrists in one hand, pinning them gently. With his free hand he stroked Blair's rear, indulging himself with exploring and memorizing the fine-textured skin and smooth muscles that responded so strongly to his touch. Almost like a car shifting gears, Blair's heartbeat increased, and his breathing grew more ragged. The muscles in his legs quivered, and Jim could tell he was struggling to stay upright.

//Almost there...//

Moving his hand purposefully over Blair's rear, spreading, caressing, possessing, Jim pulled his lips away and paused until Blair looked down at him. //God, what a sight!// Blair's eyes were glazed, his face flushed, and he looked utterly zoned. Jim waited until Blair blinked and saw him, really recognized him, then he murmured "Mine..." and licked the head of Blair's cock.

With a strangled sob, Blair orgasmed. Jim quickly released his wrists and clasped his waist, holding him upright by brute strength until the spasms ceased. Jim then lay back on the bed, pulling Blair down with him.

He held his partner until Blair's breathing slowed, calmed, his quivering muscles relaxing limply against Jim. With a long, satiated sigh, Blair stirred, rubbing his lips over the smooth hardness of Jim's chest, teasing the flesh into goosebumps.

Before Blair could say anything, Jim pulled him up and kissed him, allowing a hint of his desire to flow through his lips and into the other man's mouth. //No words...//

Fingers tightened on his biceps, digging into the muscles, insistent and inexorable. Soft breathy exhalations tickled his lips and provided a rhythmic counterpoint to the pounding of their hearts.

Gently, never forcing, he rolled over until Blair lay beneath him on the bed. Covering his Guide, propped up on elbows and knees, he kissed Blair's right temple, then over his left eye and down to his cheek, behind his ear, the corner of his mouth.

Jim moved down, pressing his lips to Blair's chest. Sitting back, he lifted first one hand and then the other, encircling each wrist with tiny touches of his mouth and tongue. Scooting back, Jim paused and swallowed hard at the sight of the scar, still pink and fresh, on Blair's right thigh. He bent forward and dropped a kiss on it, then reached around Blair's thigh to lightly caress its companion. //I'm sorry...//

"Jim?" It was hardly a whisper, but he looked up at the young/old, innocent/wise face watching him solemnly. "They're not your fault."

He shook his head and dropped his eyes. They were all his fault, each and every injured place on his Guide's body. It didn't matter that they had healed, Jim could see every bruise, each cut, all the wounds his Guide had suffered because of him, because of who and what he was.

Cool fingers reached out and gently grasped his chin, demanding his attention. He raised his eyes and met Blair's.

It was like looking into a mirror - his own feelings of gratitude, remembered pain, affection, comradeship, and pure, simple lust were reflected in Blair's face as well. His gut twisted, and he dived down for a kiss that promised as much as it demanded.

Blair's response matched his promises and equaled his demands.

Hands roved over his shoulders and back, sneaking down to harry tender flesh, returning higher to soothe and caress. He rubbed against Blair's thighs and felt his partner stirring against his stomach.

"How do you want me?" The words were murmured into his mouth.

"Any way I can get you..."

Blair groaned and smacked his shoulder. "Literalist..."

Jim pulled back a hands-breadth. "On your back?"

"Yeah."

Jim slid off of the younger man and grabbed two pillows. He fussed with them for a minute, situating them under Blair until he was positioned to Jim's satisfaction.

"Comfortable?"

Blair's eyes were as wide as saucers. He nodded.

"No one ever do that for you, either?"

"No..."

Jim waited for more, but all Blair did was look at him, lips parted slightly. Waiting for Jim to continue.

Focusing on Blair, his face, his scent, the sound of his breathing and the pounding of his heart, the feel of his skin, Jim moved. He would not allow any memories to ruin this moment -- he was with Blair, no other. And he suddenly realized there could be no other. That possibility was no longer an option.

He positioned Blair's legs, again checking if he was comfortable, again receiving that startled, grateful look. He caressed Blair's rear, his hands moving slowly over the satiny skin until Blair groaned and wiggled under his touch.

Coated with jelly, his finger glided in, out. Again and again, until Blair breathed "More..." Jim complied as he catalogued the responses to his actions - what pleased, what disturbed, what caused muscles to quiver and heartbeat to peak. Blair asked again, his voice hoarse.

"Ready for me?" Jim's voice was soft, but Blair heard him and nodded. Jim took his hand and stroked it. "Help me."

Fingers shaking, Blair gently applied the jelly to Jim's erection until Jim's blood pressure skyrocketed and his sight dimmed.

"Wait..." He took a deep breath to try to regain some control, but received lungs full of Blair's scent instead. //Slowly, Ellison, slowly! This is important.//

Unable to speak, he looked down at the younger man, pleading with his eyes. In answer, Blair lifted his legs.

Millimeter by agonizing millimeter, Jim moved into his Guide, pausing frequently to check the other man's responses, until they were completely joined. Jim exhaled, dizzy, and realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. He checked Blair again, shifting his partner's body slightly to relieve unaccustomed pressure on joints and tendons.

Blair sighed. "Better..." His hands crept up Jim's arms, pulling him down for a quick, teasing kiss. Then he started moving against Jim.

With a groan, Jim matched the rhythm his partner set, then increased the beat slightly. After a moment of arrhythmia, Blair recovered their pace. Jim groaned again as the tempo increased. //Soon...// He snaked a hand between them and stroked Blair's erection, which was sandwiched between their abdomens, and was immediately rewarded with a strangled cry from the man beneath him. //Soon...//

Keeping his hand in place and maintaining the rhythm of their union, Jim slowly took more of his weight on his one elbow and both knees, raising himself slightly, giving Blair room to move and breathe.

A strong grip suddenly pulled him back down and he landed heavily on Blair's chest, losing the tempo and breaking his grip. Startled, he looked down at blue eyes almost black. The eyes narrowed.

"Stay." It was not a request.

Then Blair squeezed his muscles and Jim gasped at the tightness. //Almost...// Jim rubbed his stomach against Blair's, caressing Blair's erection, as he felt the fire building in him - raging through feet, calves, thighs, arms, shoulders, back...

//Now.//

Jim was consumed by the blaze that reddened his sight and roared in his ears, burnt his flesh and filled his lungs. He was dimly aware of Blair's cry and the sticky warmth that appeared between them, of the strong arms that clasped him close, the legs that wrapped around his trembling thighs. He lay still, reveling in the sense of connection, of completeness.

His mind kicked in eventually, and he gently disentangled himself from the pliant body beneath him, ignoring the murmurs of protest. Dropping heavily onto the bed, he rolled and grabbed the box of wipes. He closed his eyes. //Jeez, I can barely move...// Hands took the box from him, and he could hear it being opened, then felt the chill and smelt the antiseptic tang as he was thoroughly cleaned.

A pause, the sounds of cloth gliding over skin, then a warm, slightly damp body slid on top of him, holding him close. Jim wrapped his arms around his Guide, deeply inhaled the scent of their fulfillment and contentment, and slept.

****

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?"

Blair looked up from his notes. Jim stood beside the couch, sounding plaintive and needy in a way that Blair seldom, if ever, heard. He shook his head.

"Jim, it's supposed to be just you and Stephen. You arranged to meet him for dinner to catch up on what's happened over the past few years. I'd just be in the way..." He quickly held up his hand as Jim opened his mouth. "Okay, not in the way, but I think you'll both connect more quickly if it's just the two of you. I mean, you'll get self-conscious if I watch you, 'cause you'll think I'm taking mental notes about re-establishing family connections between estranged siblings, or I'm judging you for what happened between you two, or I'm trying to decide if Stephen has any hyperactive senses, or..." His voice trailed off at Jim's grin.

"Or you're remembering the past two days."

Blair laughed. "Yeah, well, I don't think I'll ever forget the past two days, Jim. Those memories are archived and backed up up here," and he tapped his forehead.

Jim opened his mouth, then hesitated. He finally leaned forward and tapped Blair's chest, over his heart. "How 'bout here, Chief?" he asked, speaking quickly.

Shock muted Blair. //What the hell? Is he saying...// He chewed on his lip, staring at Jim, unable to answer. Jim straightened, his face tinged with pink. //Oh, shit... Why can't I just say something? Anything?//

Without another word Jim turned and Blair could hear him shrug on his coat. Blair whispered "There, too, Jim."

Jim paused, then stepped out of the loft and closed the door behind him.

Blair stared at his notes unseeing, the stillness of his body belying the turmoil of his thoughts.

End