Pretty Is...

Where Fore Art Thou Romeo Part 1

By Cat

Copyright 2001 © Cat

This story may not be reproduce without specific written permission from the author.

*****

"Come on Nicky. It's your birthday party for heaven's sake."

The small brunette looked at his best friend and almost laughed the other man looked so tragic. "I'm sorry Jess, I just can't help it. Anyway my birthday isn't until Sunday."

"True, but some of us have to get up Monday morning and go to work, Honey. We don't all have jobs that let us set our own hours," he told the other man batting his long eyelashes at him.

The brunette couldn't help laughing then. Jessie knew all the little tricks to take his mind off of whatever was bothering him.

His friend grinned, his full red lips curving upwards. "That's better. So what's the matter girlfriend? Why so blue tonight?" Jessie asked taking his hand.

Nicky sighed and looked around at the busy club. All the faces were familiar. He'd dated some of them for a little while over the last couple of years and it had been nice. But none of them were really what he was looking for. They were mostly still young like him and just starting to stretch their wings, only wanting to have a good time.

The Pink Flamingo was a Gay Club down on the pier. And though alcohol was served, Gary, the proprietor knew him and knew he wouldn't drink or do anything to get him or the club in trouble. And it was hard for people his age who were gay, especially gay cross dressers to find a safe place to get together. Gary considered it a civic duty to the gay community to let them in as long as they were over eighteen, and behaved themselves. They showed their ID at the door and had their hands stamped to show they were underage for drinking. Nicky and the others his age were grateful enough that they didn't make him sorry for doing it for them by abusing his trust.

"I don't know. I was just hoping maybe there would be someone new tonight," the brunette told him sadly.

"Sugar, are you still looking for Mr. Right? I thought you gave up on that, months ago. You know we almost never get that lucky," his friend murmured sadly.

Nicky nodded. He knew Jessie was right. He could count on two hands with fingers left over the number of his acquaintances that were actually in long term steady relationships. It just wasn't something that tended to happen very often for gay cross dressers.

"I know. I just keep hoping," he answered. "It's not safe to play the field constantly and I would just really like someone who is going to come home to me every night."

"But you aren't going to find someone just looking either, Sugar. You have to..." Jessie broke off and Nicky knew it was because of the look on his face. "Nicky what is it?" He followed his friend's gaze across the club and drew in a sharp breath.

The brunette knew he was staring. Probably bug eyed and all, but he didn't care. A god had just walked into the Pink Flamingo. He had to be more than six and a half feet tall because he towered over everyone. Dressed in a tailored three-piece suit of dark blue and a white button down shirt, he practically had sex written on his forehead in big bold letters. Nicky's cock swelled just watching that big, lean body, cross from the entryway to the bar.

"Who is that?" he breathed looking at Jessie with big wide eyes.

"I don't know Honey, I've never seen him before. But if that man is gay then I'm Madonna. He practically screams het," his friend said.

"If he's het then why is he in here?" the smaller man replied turning his eyes back to the man at the bar.

"Who knows, maybe he doesn't realize," Jessie answered.

"I... I think I need a refill," he murmured and stood up but Jessie caught his arm.

"Let me, I'm a lot more obvious than you are. If he's het we'll know pretty quickly."

Jessie picked up the almost empty glass and headed across the club to the bar. Nicky knew what he was doing. They'd been close friends for a year. Jessie was a lot tougher than he was. His friend called it thick-skinned Nicky just called it tough. The bigger man took rejection a lot better than the brunette did. Nicky knew he should too. It was just a part of the gay lifestyle, but he just hadn't been able to build up that armor yet. And every time he thought he had, something or someone would come along and rip it all away again.

He watched as his friend swayed his way across the dance floor finally reaching the spot at the bar right next to the god. Jessie made up beautifully. He was still easily picked out as a man because he was six foot one, had broad shoulders and a strong square jaw. But with his big blue eyes with their naturally long lashes and the long blonde wig he wore, he still made a beautiful, though large woman.

***

"Hey Randy, can I get a refill on Nicky's tonic water?" Jessie asked smiling across the bar at the bartender as he passed him the tumbler.

"Sure thing pretty Lady. Just give me a second to finish this order," Randy smiled taking the glass and went back to the blender where he was making up a batch of strawberry daiquiris.

Jessie turned to the big man beside him as he waited. "Hi, I'm Jessie. I don't remember seeing you here before."

The big blonde felt his knees go weak as the other man looked at him with smiling silver blue eyes. "It's my first time. I was getting tired of the bars downtown. I'm Jason Sullivan."

"Nice to meet you Jason. Are you all alone?" Jessie asked forwardly.

Jason grinned at him. "Not anymore, now that I've got such a pretty companion by my side. Are you alone?"

The blonde sighed. Damn, he wished suddenly that Nicky wasn't already head over heals for the man. It wouldn't be fair to grab the man before his friend even had a chance to make a play for him. But even at six foot one he felt small next to the newcomer. He had to be almost seven feet tall, but probably not a pound over two hundred unless it was muscle weight. Anyway he'd just started seeing someone new. They weren't being exclusive yet, but it was a little early in the relationship to just brush it aside for someone new.

"No, unfortunately not," Jessie blushed at the look of open admiration on the big man's face. "I'm here with my friend Nicky." He pointed over to the table where Nicky sat waiting.

Jason followed the pointing finger and saw a young woman with long chocolate brown curls sitting at a table across the dance floor. She was beautiful, slender and petite, with a soft rather fragile appearance. For a minute he was surprised then realized she was probably there looking for a female partner. He turned back to the bar disappointed.

She was exactly his type, 'if' she'd been a man, but that was pretty obviously not the case. Even from here he could tell she wasn't wearing the heavy makeup that most cross dressers wore to cover their five o'clock shadow. In fact the only questionable thing about her was the choker around her neck. But it had become a popular item over the last year so even that didn't mean anything anymore.

"Very pretty," he said noncommittally.

The blonde's eyebrows raised in surprise but he didn't say anything. It wasn't really a surprising reaction. Some men just preferred a more masculine looking partner, even in a cross dresser. It was the disappointed look on the man's face that was out of place.

"Here you go Jessie. Tell Nicky the drinks are on the house tonight and happy birthday. Gary's orders," Randy grinned and handed a fresh glass to the blonde.

"A Shirley Temple?" Nicky's friend asked with a laugh.

"Yeah something special for tonight," the bartender replied winking.

"You didn't put alcohol in here did you?" Jessie demanded.

"Not a drop, just seven-up and cherry juice."

"Okay then, thanks." The blonde turned to Jason. "It was nice meeting you. I hope we see you again."

"I'm sure you will. This is a much nicer club and I think I like the company."

Jessie blushed again and turned away from the bar to go back to his friend.

***

Nicky watched his friend turn and smile at the god after giving Randy, the bartender, the order for his tonic water. The brunette held his breath waiting to see what the reaction would be.

When the god smiled back at Jessie, the brunette thought he was going to come right there. He'd never seen anything so beautiful or sexy as that smile. He saw him say something to Jessie that actually made him blush. He'd almost never seen his friend blush.

Jessie said something back to him and they both looked in Nicky's direction. The god raised an eyebrow, then looked back at the bar and picked up his drink. It was pretty obvious that he'd been dismissed and even though he didn't even know the big man's name, it hurt so much he almost got up and left right there. He blinked rapidly trying to push the hurt away and looked down at his hands unable to stand taking the chance of seeing that look a second time.

"His name is Jason Sullivan and I guess I'm Madonna. He is most definitely gay and not put off by cross dressing," Jessie told him as he sat back down and placed the new drink in front of him.

"He definitely liked you," the brunette said softly trying not to show that he'd noticed how he'd been dismissed.

"He thinks you're very pretty, Nicky," his friend said with a huge smile.

"He does?" the small man asked unable to hide his surprise. "He didn't even seem interested." He blushed and looked down at his drink realizing what he'd given away.

"I know," Jessie said patting his hand. "I didn't understand that myself. He had no problem with me. And damn, if I wasn't actually seeing someone right now and you weren't already interested I would have made a play for him."

"Maybe I'm too small or something," Nicky sighed and played with his drink. "Just not his type."

"Maybe Honey. But then he'll never know what he's missing," his friend replied patting his cheek.

"Why did you get me a Shirley Temple?" The brunette asked as he picked up the long slender pink stir stick and gingerly pulled one of the three cherries off. He held it by the stem and licked the seven up off the outside before popping it in his mouth.

"Oh," Jessie laughed. "That's from Randy. He said to tell you happy Birthday and all the drinks are on the house, Gary's orders. He just wanted to give you something different for the evening, I think."

Nicky smiled and looked over at the bar to see the bartender watching him. He waved and the man waved back with a grin. He missed the look from the big God, full of disappointed longing that was sent his direction.

***

Jason couldn't help the fact that his eyes kept being drawn back to the table with Jessie and the little brunette. He sucked in a sharp breath watching as Nicky slid a cherry off the drink garnish and cleaned it with quick little licks of her tongue. The move was so blatantly sexual that it lit a fire in his loins. But just as quickly the fire was extinguished knowing the brunette was a woman.

He would have given anything for the brunette not to be a woman. But there was no way that small delicate figure belonged to a man. With a sigh he turned and started looking around for someone, anyone to take his mind off of the small woman. It surprised him because he'd never been drawn to women before. And even the thought of sex with a woman turned him off, but something about this one made him sit up and take notice.

He spotted a small brunette a little further down the bar and picked up his drink to walk down and chat him up.

***

The god, Jason, stayed at the bar for an hour chatting and dancing with several of the people. When he left, Nicky just sat there in surprised silence watching him go. The big man was leaving with a young man about Nicky's age and only about an inch taller. He was a little stockier than Nicky was but not by much and he had dark hair. Bewildered the brunette watched them leave together trying to figure out what it was about him that the big man hadn't liked.

*****

The Flamingo was packed when Nicky arrived the next night. He didn't normally go there on a Saturday or by himself, it just wasn't safe. But he was hoping to see Jason again. He still couldn't figure out what it was about him that the big man didn't like. Especially since he'd left with a cross dresser that was so similar to him the night before.

All the tables and booths were already taken so he had to find a space at the big central bar. But he didn't mind that. He didn't like taking up a table just for himself and with luck he'd be in a position to see the god from the night before better. Maybe he'd even have to sit beside him. There was a chair open.

He'd been there about half an hour when Jason walked in. He looked even better tonight than the night before. Gone was the suit he'd been wearing. Instead he was wearing a pair of tight black leather pants and a bright blue button down silk shirt. The collar was open to the fourth button showing a wide expanse of smooth tanned flesh. Nicky wanted him so bad he could almost taste it.

As luck would have it someone else had taken the stool beside him before the God had shown up. He'd wanted to protest or even lie and say he was expecting someone. But that was a good way to cause trouble for himself later so he'd held his tongue and just smiled slightly as the man had sat down. He'd hit on the brunette for a few minutes until he realized the small man wasn't interested and turned his attention elsewhere.

Nicky watched as his god from the night before walked across the club to the bar. Though honestly, the brunette had to admit, he didn't so much walk as much as he seemed to prowl like a big cat. And every movement drew attention to the nicely outlined package in the crotch of the leather pants. The small man realized that if Jason wasn't actually already aroused then he was huge. And he wasn't the only one that noticed. He could see appreciative eyes following the big man from all over the room.

He nearly burst with happiness when the other man took the seat directly across from him. He had dressed that night in hopes of catching the God's eye. His little black velvet dress left a lot of skin exposed, but unfortunately the bar hid some of the best. He smiled at Jason as he sat down and the big man gave him a small smile in return then turned his attention to the bartender. Nicky pushed down the hurt of yet another obvious dismissal and watched closely as Randy, poured him a scotch over ice in a high ball glass and tucked that away in his mind for later.

***

Jason walked into the club and looked around. It was a lot busier tonight than it had been the night before. He nodded in satisfaction. Maybe he'd have better luck tonight. He scanned the bar as he walked across the entry and the dance floor. He spotted several small brunettes. A few of them had been there the night before and he mentally removed them from the possibilities.

It wasn't that they weren't good looking or interesting to be with. But he was looking for someone special. Someone, who like him, was looking for a long term relationship. He was getting tired of playing the field and these days with the STDs and most importantly Aids, it was too much like playing Russian Roulette. You never knew when the bullet would finally slip into the chamber.

He took an open seat at the bar and looked up to see the small woman from the night before. She smiled at him and he could see the light of interest behind her eyes. He sighed inwardly and returned the smile politely. God, she was beautiful and so much like what he preferred, if only she was a man.

Randy the bartender stepped up in front of him and he turned his attention to him thankfully. After placing his order he turned on his stool so that he was facing away from the woman and out onto the dance floor. He decided she must be bi-sexual and that was why she was there. It was the only thing he could gather with her obvious interest in him.

***

Except for the one smile the other man barely seemed to notice him the rest of the evening. The brunette danced with a few people who asked just to get away from the bar and more into Jason's line of sight. He knew the big man watched him for a little bit. But he could tell there wasn't any real interest.

Just like the night before the God asked people to dance, talked, but never once approached Nicky. When he finally left two hours later he left with another man very similar in build and coloring to the small brunette. But unlike the night before this one wasn't a cross dresser. Nicky just sat and stared at the door after he left until Randy came over to find out if he was okay.

Nicky barely slept that night trying to figure out what it was about him that made the other man lose interest. He had sat across the bar when he wasn't dancing and watched him as carefully as he could.

Jason seemed to do a lot the approaching and had turned down most of the people that had approached him. So it wasn't that he was shy and the brunette had realized right away that the big man would always want to be the dominant partner. It was one of the things that attracted him to the other man in the first place.

So he'd played it cool, trying to make it clear that he was available without being obvious or forward. And he knew the big man had looked him over a couple of times, especially when he'd been out on the dance floor. But the interest never lasted and he would almost immediately find someone to talk to or dance with him right after.

*****

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear. Nicky had over heard Randy and Jason talking about a company baseball game that he was going to be playing in that afternoon. He'd wheedled the location of where in Golden Gate Park they were playing, from his bartender friend, so that he could be there too.

He'd spent a lot of time after he got home that night deciding how he wanted to dress. Since he'd already gone the sexy route, he'd decided to dress casually in a pair of white cutoff denim shorts and a pink velvet tank top for the day in the park.

He packed a book, the notebook he used to keep his rough jewelry designs in and a bottle of water in his denim shoulder bag. As an after thought he added a big beach towel to sit on if he needed it. Then grabbed a wide brimmed straw hat and headed for the park.

***

"Damn who's the looker?"

Jason looked up from his clipboard and followed the gaze his next batter was throwing towards the bleachers. "Which one?" he laughed.

"The little brunette. With the straw hat," the other man said.

The big man looked at the stands and spotted the person his employee was talking about. A small smile curved his lips and he shook his head. It was the brunette he'd seen at the Pink Flamingo the last two nights. He knew she was interested and it was flattering. But as beautiful as she was he knew nothing would happen between them. He hoped that if he continued to play it cool she would finally get the hint, because he honestly didn't want to be rude to her. And anyway she wasn't actually bothering him.

"Her name's Nicky," he said.

"Who is she? Can you introduce me?"

Jason chuckled. "I don't really know her. I just know her name. She was at a club I was at Friday night. But I warn you, she turned down every man that approached her Friday night and Saturday night. I don't think she's looking for company."

"I wonder who she knows here," the batter commented.

"I don't know that either, but I do know your up to bat so go on and keep your eyes on the ball, not the bleachers!" Jason chastised as the man walked toward the plate.

The other man grinned and threw his boss the bird as he took his stance at the plate. The big man laughed then looked over at the bleacher's himself to see the brunette watching him.

Again he felt that small stirring of interest. But as beautiful as the brunette was the mere thought of sex with her was enough to throw cold water on his libido. He sighed and turned his attention back to the game to see his employee grinning at him knowingly. Jason just shook his head as he watched a perfect pitch sail right by the man as the umpire called strike three. He hoped the little brunette didn't stay the whole game or his team was going to lose abysmally.

*****

Nicky sat on his towel beside Jessie on the beach and watched as Jason Sullivan spiked the volleyball across the net. It almost wasn't fair. He was so tall almost nothing got by him.

Jessie had heard him telling someone the night before, at the Pink Flamingo that he was joining friends at the beach for a beach party. Nicky had talked his friend into coming with him. It was starting to become embarrassing the way he followed the big man to different places. But he couldn't help himself. He felt like a stalker.

They'd gotten used to seeing him at the baseball games every Sunday. He'd even made a few casual friends among the others who watched the games. From talking to them he'd learned that Jason was the Vice President of the Sullivan Investment and Banking Firm's West Coast office. That had startled him at first because the big man wasn't that old. Then the person he'd been talking to explained that Jason had been groomed and moved up the ranks in his Father's main office in Boston before being sent out to take over the San Francisco office.

"God, he is so gorgeous Jessie. Why can't I get him to notice me?" he moaned softly as he watched Jason take his turn serving. The man was wearing a pair of cutoff denim shorts leaving his long muscular legs bare and no shirt. Sweat glistened on his tanned skin making the brunette shiver with lust and a need to run his hands over the hot flesh.

"I don't know Sugar. I know he's looked. And everyone we've ever seen him with is a lot like you. I really don't understand it myself," Jessie replied as he rolled onto his stomach to let the backs of his legs tan.

The ball was hit awkwardly by one of the players and sailed towards them. Nicky reached out and caught it as it came within reach and threw it back to Jason who was now on the edge closest to them. The big man smiled and thanked him and Nicky grinned back.

***

Jason shook his head as he caught the ball. It had been over a month now and the little brunette still seemed to turn up where ever he went. He couldn't believe she didn't have a dozen lovers, male or female falling all over themselves following her around. But the only one he ever saw her with was Jessie. And he knew Jessie was already dating someone else. The blonde had introduced him one night at the club when they'd come in together.

The little pink bikini with the tiny skirt around her hips showed off Nicky's flat stomach and slim hips to perfection. She had the soft almost golden glow of someone who had a hard time tanning to the darker tones that he achieved over the summer. But it set off her big hazel eyes and long dark hair beautifully. And next to Jessie's six-foot frame she was tiny.

For the hundredth time since he'd first seen her, he wished she was a man. He would have snapped the brunette up in a minute if she was. He thought about having a talk with Jessie. Thinking maybe the man could give him an idea of how to gently end the young woman's obvious interest in him. But at the same time he didn't mind her being around. She was easy to look at even if he wasn't interested in her. And she still hadn't bothered him at all. Maybe he was making more out of the situation than was really there.

***

"Would you Ladies like to join us for the cook out?" Jason asked coming to stand over Nicky and Jessie as they lay on their towels.

Jessie grinned up at him then looked at Nicky.

"We wouldn't want to intrude on your party," the little brunette murmured and blushed a fiery red.

"You wouldn't be intruding. And we've got plenty to eat," the big man said smiling down at them.

"Thank you then. We'd like that," Nicky replied hope flaring inside him.

"Great, come on over and I'll introduce you."

The cook out proved to be a lot of fun and the evening flew by. But at the end of the evening Nicky was even more depressed. He'd been propositioned by a number of handsome young men. But still Jason had hung back and ended up leaving just before he and Jessie with another young man.

That night he laid in bed and cried, still unable to understand why the big man didn't like him. But he couldn't work up the courage to ask and had refused Jessie and Randy's offers to casually broach the subject with the other man. He knew that he'd be crushed no matter what the reason was. So instead he continued to suffer in silence. But his hope was dimming.

*****

Jason smiled as he looked up and saw Nicky and Jessie walk into the Pink Flamingo. He hadn't seen Nicky for two weeks and it surprised him at how he'd missed seeing her during that time, even if he wasn't interested in her for a physical relationship.

After the baseball games had ended in September he'd stopped seeing Nicky anywhere except at the Club or occasionally at a restaurant in the area. He knew something had changed after the beach party at the end of August. A sparkle seemed to have gone out of the brunette, but he wasn't sure why. And doubted that it was any of his business to ask really.

She'd continued to turn up at the games while they were going on and at the bar. And just recently he'd seen her at a restaurant close to where he worked a couple of times, but the young woman had been having lunch each time with an older man. He'd run into the man later and after a few casual remarks had learned that Nicky was an exceptional jewelry designer and the man's company was trying to woo her into working for them.

He studied her as she walked in. She and Jessie were both dressed as flappers for the club's Halloween Party that night and they both looked especially pretty. Nicky's pink beaded dress clung to her curves and showed off how truly petite she was compared to the larger Jessie. She looked his way and nodded in recognition before her hazel eyes slid past him to look for other friends.

For a moment he was perplexed then realized that she had obviously gotten over the small infatuation she'd had. He was glad because she was too pretty to keep herself on the shelf for something that would never happen. But at the same time he was sorry, because it had been nice having her quiet unobtrusive admiration. He chuckled and shook his head at his own contradictory emotions.

***

Nicky saw Jason the minute he walked into the club for the Halloween Party. The smile the big man sent his direction would have made him weak in the knees at one time. But after almost three and a half months of chasing the man and being ignored, he'd pretty much given up all hope.

It didn't mean that he wasn't still attracted. He was, more now than ever before. But he had finally admitted to himself that it just wasn't going to happen. Something about him turned the other man off, even though he still hadn't figured out what it was.

Mr. Upton, the recruiter from Croft Brothers Jewelry, had mentioned to Nicky that he'd run into Jason one day. The older man had intimated that he'd seemed quite interested in the luncheon meetings they'd been having and Nicky had felt his hopes rise again. But that had been at the end of September. For two weeks Nicky had done everything but fall at the big man's feet, but still gotten no hint of a response.

Devastated, Nicky had hidden in his apartment for the last two weeks unable to even bear seeing the man again. But Jessie had come by that evening with a bag from a costume shop and refused to take no for an answer. Finally the brunette had given in and changed into the costume his friend had brought over.

"Jessie, can we please sit at one of the booths at the back instead of at one of the tables tonight?" he pleaded looking up at the other man.

The blonde looked down at his friend and wondered if maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. He knew he was hurting and that his self- confidence had taken a major blow over the last several months. But he hated the idea of the small man hiding himself away in his apartment. The brunette wasn't exactly a social butterfly, but he liked going out. And they were coming into the holiday season, which was always hard on the little brunette.

"Sure, Sugar. Whatever you want," he said and led the man to an empty booth in the back corner. "I'm sorry Nicky, maybe this was a bad idea. But you can't let this stop you. I know it hurts right now, but there's lots of other fish in the sea."

The smaller man nodded. "I know. I... I just need a little time, okay."

"Okay, just don't hide yourself away. You won't get over it like that. What do you want to drink?" Jesse asked squeezing his friend's hand comfortingly.

"Will you see if Randy will make me a virgin strawberry Daiquiri?" Nicky responded.

"I know he will. You know, he'd snap you back up in a flat minute if you'd let him."

The brunette smiled sadly. He and the bartender had dated for two months last year before Nicky had finally broken it off. "I know, but he didn't want to settle down. He was still playing the field even while we were dating. I want someone who will be happy with just me."

Jessie nodded in understanding. Nicky had always been looking for someone special. He just didn't have the temperament for the one night stands that a lot of men his age were after. With a final squeeze of his friend's hand he left the table and went to get their drinks.

Nicky looked over at the bar. Even from the corner booth he had a clear view of Jason. The big man was dressed in a French Musketeer's uniform complete with sword. He looked stunning in the dark blue tunic and leather pants, with his shoulder length hair pulled into a tiny tail at the back of his head. It made Nicky's heart ache with the longing he felt inside. He knew Jason was the one man in the world he wanted. He'd realized he was in love with him that day on the beach.

He'd had such high hopes when the man had invited he and Jessie to join his friends. The big man had introduced them to everyone and started a conversation that pulled them all in so that by the end of the evening both he and Jessie had truly felt like a part of the group. But when he'd left with a small longhaired brunette, Nicky had felt his heart breaking. And now every time he saw the big man it just ground the pieces smaller and smaller.

He huddled into the corner of his side of the booth and blinked back tears that threatened to fall as he watched Jason twirl a small man on the dance floor. He wanted to scream the pain in his heart hurt so much. Why? Why didn't the big man like him? What was it that made him unattractive to the other man?

"Nicky? Oh God Honey this was a bad idea," Jessie murmured as he quickly set their drinks on the table and slid into the booth beside the small man. He pulled his friend into his arms and held him close.

The brunette hadn't even realized he'd been crying until the blonde pulled him into his arms. He felt the dam burst inside his chest and gave into the tears, clinging to the bigger man as his only anchor in the flood of emotions that washed over him. He didn't know how long he'd been crying when he felt Jessie shift, then strong arms picked him up.

He opened his eyes and saw Gary, the Club's Owner. "Come on beautiful, let's take you somewhere quiet," he said softly.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a scene, Gary," Nicky hiccupped as he was carried away from the main room and back into the older man's office.

"You weren't making a scene, beautiful. I just knew you needed some privacy." He took a glass that Jessie handed him. "Here drink this it will help a little."

Nicky made a face as he tasted the brandy in the shot glass, but he bravely finished it all. "Thank you," he murmured as the brandy blazed a trail to his stomach and relaxed him a little.

"You're welcome. Now you take however long you need. I'm going to be out in the club anyway," Gary told him patting his hand.

After the owner left Jessie settled on the couch and pulled Nicky back in his arms. "I'm sorry Nicky, I never should have made you come out."

"No, it's okay," the small brunette said quietly. "Your right, I can't hide away. And maybe this was good. I need to get him out of my system. I just... I just love him so much, why doesn't he like me?" He dissolved into tears again.

Jessie held his friend and silently ranted at the big God out in the club for hurting the small man so much. He was as confused by the man's disinterest as Nicky was. If he didn't think it would simply cause his friend more hurt and embarrassment he'd confront Jason about it. But he was afraid that it would merely create more problems. He just hoped that either Nicky got over him soon or the big man moved on to a new club. He didn't even want to think what might happen over the holidays when Nicky's depression set in.

*****

"Nicky are you sure you don't want to come with me? Mom would love to have you, she absolutely adored you last Thanksgiving," Jessie cajoled as they stood beside his car outside Nicky's apartment building.

"No really it's okay. I'm going to help at St. Vincent's this year. Believe me that will take my mind off of my own self pity," the brunette replied forcing a small smile.

The blonde man wasn't fooled for a minute. Though, he did have to admit. Since Nicky had started working at St. Vincent's just after Halloween, he did seem to be coping a little better with the holiday. He was also doing a little better with the other situation as well. At least he seemed to be.

"All right Sugar," he stated hugging his friend. "But you call me if you need me. No matter what time it is night or day. And I'll be home Saturday afternoon."

"I will," Nicky murmured hugging his friend in return. "Why don't you call me when you get in Saturday. We can go to the club."

"Okay, I'll call you as soon as I'm all unpacked." Jessie climbed into his car and started the engine. He waved as he pulled away hating that he was leaving his friend alone this year. He promised himself that he would call the little brunette as soon as he got to his Mother's house in San Jose. Maybe he was overreacting but he just didn't like leaving Nicky all alone.

***

"How are you holding up Nicky?"

The brunette looked up from the onions he was cutting, at Father Mike who was making the rounds in the kitchen supervising his volunteer staff. "Pretty good, I'm almost done with these," he sniffled smiling slightly.

The older man put a hand on his shoulder. "That wasn't exactly what I meant," he said with an understanding smile.

"I'm okay, really. Having something to do to keep me busy has made all the difference this year," the small, man replied truthfully.

The Priest nodded. "Good, I was worried about you. Do you want to come tomorrow and help us serve?"

"I'd like that. If you think you'll need me," he answered looking at the bustling kitchen filled with volunteers.

"We can always use an extra hand, so you will be perfectly welcome."

Nicky smiled and rubbed the back of his wrist across his stinging eyes. He wasn't sure how much of it was onion fumes and how much of it was emotion. But if it was emotion it was happy, not the wrenching heartache, that never seemed far away these days.

"Once you finish these why don't you take a break and come talk to me for a little while, then we'll get you started on the rest of the stuffing," Father Mike requested.

"Okay." Nicky watched as the older man left to go check on one of the other volunteers.

He knew that the older man would probably want to talk to him about how he was feeling, but he was getting used to that. He'd been wandering, the day after Halloween, when he'd seen a flier about the St Vincent Mission needing volunteer help. On a whim he'd decided to do it, never really expecting that he'd stick with it. Father Mike had taken one look at him when he came in to sign up and sat him down in his office. They had talked for three hours. The Priest had listened quietly, not judging, not preaching and when Nicky had finally finished his story he had asked questions drawing more information and more of Nicky's hurt out of him. It hadn't healed everything, but the brunette had left feeling better. He'd been coming back three days a week to help ever since. And each time he showed up Father Mike would pull him aside for about an hour just to let him talk.

***

Nicky sat at the bar and talked with Jessie and Randy. He'd been there for over an hour but Jason hadn't showed. Except for the two weeks that he'd avoided seeing the big man at all, Nicky couldn't remember him missing a Saturday night.

"Maybe he's spending the whole weekend with his family for Thanksgiving," Jessie said reading his look of longing as he gazed at the door.

"Maybe," the brunette sighed. He shook his head and smiled ruefully. "You'd think I'd have learned by now."

"Sugar, you can't fight your heart. Give it some time, somebody new will come along and you'll forget all about him," his friend replied giving him a one armed hug.

"Hey Jessie, Nicky."

They looked around and broke into huge smiles as they saw a friend coming up behind them. He'd gotten a job in Los Angeles at the beginning of the summer and moved. He was a big bear of a man with a head full of red hair and a temper to match.

"Hey Chris! When did you get back into town?" Jessie exclaimed sliding off his stool to hug the man.

"I got a new job and moved back. I'm glad too. LA was a rat race," he laughed his blue eyes snapping.

"Oh like San Francisco isn't," Nicky chuckled. Then laughed when the big man tugged on his curls before wrapping him in a bear hug.

"Hey, it's not as big at least. So what have my two beautiful ladies been up to?" Chris grinned as he pulled a barstool in between them.

"The usual, work, socialize, survive another day," the blonde replied with a shrug.

"I hear ya. So tell me all the gossip I missed while I was gone," the red head requested, waggling his eyebrows and making the other two laugh.

*****

Jason leaned back in his chair and listened to his friend moan about the six months he'd lived in LA. Christmas music was playing in the background of the club and Gary had everything decorated for the party he was throwing for his regulars.

"I told you not to take that job."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know. But I couldn't sit around on my butt for six months waiting for the opening you kept promising me was coming either."

"Sorry," Jason shrugged apologetically. "I didn't expect Dad to change his mind about expanding the Marketing Department at the last minute. At least it only took him six months to change it back again. I made him swear not change it again."

"Are you going home for Christmas this year?" the redhead asked.

"Not this year. I just can't afford to take the time away from the company right now with trying to get this new department set up in time for the new year," Jason sighed. "Mom wasn't happy but she's lived with Dad through enough of these that she understands."

"So what plans 'do' you have for Christmas?" Chris inquired.

"Nothing really, I've got five days off and I think I'll just relax," the other man responded.

"Why not come with me and take a drive up into Napa. We can stay at a bed and breakfast and hit the wineries. Oh and there are the two beauties we can try and finagle to go with us," he grinned.

Jason looked around at the door and saw Nicky and Jessie walking in. A sad smile touched his face. Even though he'd seen them both over the last two months, they'd been very reticent. He knew it was something that he'd done but he didn't know what. And though he wasn't interest in Nicky sexually, he had enjoyed the few times they'd gotten together for something and talked.

"I don't know Chris, for some reason I haven't been their favorite person lately. I didn't know you knew Jessie and Nicky," he replied.

"Oh God yeah. Jessie and I nearly grew up in each other's back pocket. We only lived a few houses away from each other in San Jose. And when he decided to come to San Fran I came with him. We were working different schedules about the time I met you that's why I never got the chance to introduce you. He was my first you know," he said with a small wink. "He introduced me to Nicky when he first started coming around here about two years ago."

The big man's head came up and he stared at his friend. "What do you mean he?"

Chris's eyebrows rose to his hairline and a huge smirk touched his lips. "Don't tell me that the famous Jason gaydar had a hiccup."

"What do you mean he?" Jason growled looking at his friend.

"Hey cool the jets. Just that, he. Nicky is a man didn't you know?" Chris laughed incredulously.

"Shit, no I didn't. I mean look at him... her... him, shit." Jason's shoulders sagged as he realized how stupid he'd been all this time.

"Okay I admit. He does look pretty fucking perfect now. But when I first met him he hadn't started doing the electrolysis treatments yet. He wore a lot more make up then and hated it as I recall."

"Electrolysis?" He broke off realizing why the small man never had a five o'clock shadow. "Oh Christ, no wonder their pissed as hell at me," Jason moaned.

"What?" Chris asked worried.

"Nicky has been following me around for over five months now," the big man explained shaking his head. "I wasn't interested because I thought he was a woman. But he turned me on so much that I was always going home with someone who looked as much like him as I could find."

"Damn," Chris murmured. Now he understood the pensiveness in the little brunette's eyes and his reluctance to answer when asked about his love life. "He's probably trying to figure out what's wrong with him. Why you never asked him out."

"Yeah, it explains why things have gotten more and more tense over the last few months," Jason groaned.

"Well it's more than that. This is a hard time for Nicky anyway. His parents disowned him on Christmas day two years ago," the redhead informed him sadly. "Jessie took him home for Thanksgiving last year and then the three of us drove down to Disneyland for Christmas trying to keep his mind off of it."

"God, so I've just heaped more rejection on him for the last five months, shit what a mess."

"I just can't believe you didn't find out before now," the other man commented in disbelief.

"Nobody ever called him, 'he'," the big man responded. "What was I supposed to think?"

"Oh come on Jas," Chris frowned, ignoring the tinge of anger in his friend's voice as his own irritation rose. "You've been in the life long enough. You know that out in public that is the way it is for cross dressers and trans. It's a safety issue as well as just plain courtesy. If we don't give it to them, how the hell are they supposed to even be able to hope that someday everybody else will?"

Jason slumped back in his chair. Now he understood why he was constantly drawn to the small brunette. Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd always had the thought that maybe just maybe. But he'd ignored his intuition this time in favor of what his eyes saw. He turned and looked at his friend.

"I've been wracking my brain for months trying to figure out what kept drawing me to him. You know he's exactly what I've always looked for."

"Yeah, I was actually a little surprised when I found out you were coming here and hadn't hooked up with him. Especially when I found out he hasn't seen anyone for more than eight months," the redhead told him.

"Eight months?" the other man looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah," Chris smiled slightly. "After the last guy, Nicky swore he wasn't playing the field anymore. It makes him nervous and I don't blame him. He's small and it's just not safe. But mostly it's because he's ready to settle down. Not the easiest thing to do for those of us in this lifestyle but it happens."

"Chris will you 'introduce' us?" Jason said slowly as this piece of information doubled the interest that he'd been feeling for the small brunette. "I don't know how he'll react, but, well I'm hoping he'll give me another chance."

"Sure. Come on." The redhead stood up and they walked together across the club to the table that the other two were sitting at. "Hey pretty Ladies!"

"Hey Chris," Jessie smiled at him ignoring Jason altogether.

Nicky smiled at the big redheaded man but his lower lip trembled. He barely glanced at Jason before looking quickly away.

"Nicky, Jessie. I want to introduce you to Jason Sullivan, the worlds biggest chump."

The bigger man bristled slightly, then realized he deserved the title and let the anger deflate, shoving his hands in his pocket and looking embarrassed.

"Chump?" the blonde asked in surprise looking between the other two men.

"Yeah. Nicky, Jason would like to talk to you. Do you mind if I steal Jessie away for a dance or two? Or would you rather we stayed?" Chris asked softly.

"It's okay, go ahead," the little brunette murmured.

Jason waited until the other two were gone and then pulled a chair up close to the small man. "Nicky, I owe you an apology and an explanation."

Nicky looked up at him confused. "You don't...."

"Yes, I do," Jason cut him off. "I know you're attracted to me."

The brunette flushed in humiliation and the big man reached out and took his hand stroking it gently with his thumb.

"I've known for the last five months and I was really flattered by it, more than you'll ever know. But I wasn't interested..."

"I know, it's..."

"No you don't know," the big man interrupted again. "Nicky, I wasn't interested because I thought you were a woman all this time."

The small man looked up at him with wide disbelieving eyes.

"No one in the five months I've known you has ever said he. And I'm usually pretty good at picking up on signals and little telltale signs. But you don't have any," Jason told him. "I have to admit though, I jumped to that conclusion the very first night and never really considered that you might be a man after that."

"I couldn't understand what was wrong with me," Nicky murmured blinking to keep back his tears.

"Nothing, there is nothing wrong with you," the big man insisted. "I thought it was me. I've never even been remotely attracted to a woman before. But from the first time I saw you, I was drawn to you. But like I said women don't interest me. So every time I saw you, I'd end up picking up someone that looked as much like you as I could find and taking them home hoping they'd put an end to this strange attraction I seemed to have for you. But it never worked. Do you want to know why?"

"Why?" the brunette asked softly his eyes wide with surprise at what he was hearing.

"Because you are exactly what I've always looked for in a partner. Not necessarily the cross-dressing, but everything else," Jason murmured. "I know it may sound funny coming from me but I like small partners. Someone that makes me feel all protective and who will let me baby and coddle them. I know there are men like Jessie who fit the same criteria pretty much, but I've just always been happiest with men more your size."

Jason shrugged helplessly unable to really put into words the feelings that went into creating his perfect partner in his mind. How could he honestly explain it to someone else when he barely understood the reasons himself?

Nicky nodded slightly and a small smile curved his lips. "You aren't interested in women, but your still drawn to many of the qualities that draw men to certain women. That air of fragility and softness. Someone you can be gentle with and it seems perfectly normal because you have too or you might hurt him. That way no one thinks you're unmanly, just that you're considerate and caring."

The big man just stared and then a slow smile spread across his face. "That's it almost exactly."

"I understand easier because of all the time I spent figuring myself out when I was trying to understand why I liked to dress like this but never wanted to be a woman. Your reasons are a lot of the same things that I've always admired in women," the brunette replied. "Their ability to be strong when they have too, but still look and be soft and fragile and pretty most of the rest of the time. I've never wanted to be female, but I prefer to look like that, to be allowed to be like that. And with my size it just really fit. And I've always been more feminine."

"Nicky do you think you could give this idiot a second chance?" Jason asked softly. "I won't push you and if you're fed up with me I'll understand. But I'd really like the chance to get to know you better."

A radiant smile curved the brunette's lips even as tears glistened on his eyelashes. Unable to answer he simply nodded.

The big man grinned with relief. "Dance with me?"

The small man nodded again and let Jason help him up and lead him out to the dance floor. He smiled as the song playing was suddenly replaced with a slow Christmas love song and he was drawn into the strong arms. He chuckled as he realized his ear was barely resting over the other man's heart and that was only because of the three-inch heels he was wearing.

"What was that for?" Jason asked smiling down at him.

"I need higher heels," Nicky grinned up at him blushing.

The other man shook his head. "No you don't, your absolutely perfect, right where you are."

The brunette sighed and nestled his head over the heartbeat just drifting to the music and the joy of finally being right where he wanted to be.

Jessie and Chris grinned at each other as they stood at the bar and watched. "Well damn," Randy muttered from behind them.

"You had your chance, you know," Jessie told him shaking his head.

"Yeah I know, but it wouldn't have lasted anyway. I'd never have been able to give him what he needed," the bartender sighed.

"What's that? By the way thanks for changing the song," Chris murmured with a grateful smile as he sipped his beer.

"Anything for Nicky," Randy conceded sincerely. "And what he needed - that right there. That's what he needed."

They looked back at the couple dancing on the almost empty dance floor. A small contented smile rested on Jason's face as he looked down at the curly head resting on his chest. But it was the look of serene happiness on Nicky's that was breathtaking.

"Oh hell, Randy, hand me napkin or something," Jessie sniffed as he felt his mascara start to run. A handkerchief appeared in front of his face and he looked at Chris who was smiling down at him. "Thanks."

"Any time pretty Lady."

*****

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