Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Chapter Five

By

Cat

Copyright 2000 © Cat

This work is not to be reproduced in any way without the express written Permission of the author.

*****

“Let me try to talk to him, Jim,” Peter said quietly looking at the distraught Sentinel. “He might be more willing to listen to me at the moment.”

Ellison nodded. But with everything that had been happening in the last few weeks he wasn’t sure that anything would do any good right now. He wondered if anyone could get through to his partner. The worry over what this latest blow to his Guide would do was like a fist sized block of ice in his stomach. He watched as Peter opened the french doors without knocking and walked in.

“Blair it’s not what you’re thinking…” the blonde started.

“Go away!” the brunette hissed angrily. His back turned to the door. “Just go away and leave me alone.”

The other young man folded his arms across his chest and didn’t move. “No, I won’t. That is the whole fucking problem lately. Everyone has been ‘leaving’ you.”

Blair rolled over and glared at his friend. “Leave… me… the… fuck… alone!”

Peter just stood there and looked back at him calmly. “No,” he repeated firmly.

With a growl of rage the brunette launched himself off the bed at the blonde. Knowing the glass doors were behind him, the other man lunged forward and with a few swift moves he’d learned in self-defense class had the small Guide pinned back on the bed. Peter sat across Blair’s thighs and held his friend’s wrists in his hands. The brunette bucked and struggled but couldn’t dislodge him.

“Blair stop it!” the blonde snapped loosing his temper. “Stop acting like a God damned two year old throwing a tantrum!”

“You bastard,” the anthropologist hissed. “I should have known you’d do this. You’ve always wanted him.”

“But he never wanted me,” Peter replied his eyes snapping with anger. Then he sighed. “Use your brain Blair. I know it’s in there somewhere. And even muddled with all the damn alcohol it should be able to work this out.”

The small Guide glared back at him. “What is there to work out. I guess I didn’t ruin things too much. You still got to have you’re private dinner.”

“It was for you, you stupid lunkhead,” the Stylist retorted. “It was supposed to be for you.”

Blair stilled, staring up at the other man in confusion. “For me? What do you mean it was for me?”

“That wonderful private dinner was supposed to be for you. Only you went out and got pissing drunk and passed out on the damn couch. Jim didn’t want it to go to waste so he asked me to stay in thanks for making sure you got home safe,” the blonde answered.

“I don’t understand,” the brunette whispered.

“If you would talk to Jim you would.” Peter shifted off of Blair until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He shifted his grip to hold his friend’s hands. “Look I know your hurting and your scared. I know that as much as you want to deny it or not believe it, that you’re damned pissed off at Jim. I don’t blame you honestly. I can’t even begin to imagine what you feel.”

Out in the living room Jim sat in a chair his head bowed. His hands clasp loosely between his knees. He didn’t mean to be eaves dropping, but his hearing was out of control and he couldn’t help it. He needed his Guide, but he was terrified that he’d lost him.

“The loss, the betrayal,” Peter continued. “I know how hard you worked, how long you worked. This was your dream, it was all you ever talked about when we were together.”

Blair looked away for a minute, then turned lost blue eyes back to the blonde. “There’s nothing left,” he whispered. “I always knew exactly where I was going, what I had to do to get there. But now it’s all gone, the lights all gone and I’m lost in the dark.” Tears began to spill.

The Stylist gathered his friend in his arms holding him as he cried, pouring out the pain and the grief and the fear. “But you’re not alone, Honey. I’m here, Jim’s here, your friends at the station, we’re all here for you. Take our hands and we’ll help you find your way out of the dark. We’ll light candles all along the way for you until you finally find the sun on your path again.”

Jim leaned his head back against the chair and fought back his own tears. Hearing Blair’s words, the anguished sobbing. He felt numb, his heart clamped in a vise of self-loathing. With his own pigheaded stubbornness, his refusal to listen or even discuss what had happened. He had forced Blair into a corner. Forced his Guide to choose between his own dreams of the future and Jim’s. Whether there would have been a way out for both of them, they would never know now.

Slowly he climbed out of the chair and made his way across the loft until he was standing outside the anthropologist’s room. He didn’t know if what he was about to do would be enough, or if it would be too little too late. But he needed to try and light at least one small candle for his Guide to give him back a little of the light he’d lost.

“Blair, can I come in. I know you don’t want to talk to me. But I have something I need to say, please just listen,” the Sentinel begged.

The brunette nodded against Peter’s shoulder but didn’t move out of his friend’s arms. The blonde hugged him tight and then disentangled himself. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

Jim nodded at the Stylist as he slipped past him, then went to sit on the bed. Pain lanced through him, as his Guide pulled away not looking at him. “Blair, the dinner, what you saw. It was for you. I went to see Peter today, because I was worried. I’m loosing you and I couldn’t bear that. Chief, I know you may never believe me, but I love you.”

The Anthropologist shrugged. “I love you too, Jim. You’re my best friend,” he muttered tonelessly.

The big Sentinel felt like he’d been kicked in gut at the lack of emotion from his normally passionate Guide. “No, Chief. I…Love…You. I’ve loved you for almost three years. I know it didn’t seem like it sometimes, but I did and I do. I loved you so much it hurt sometimes to think I couldn’t ever have you. That all we could ever have was our friendship and this whatever it is we have as Sentinel and Guide. I wanted more than that, Blair, so much more.”

The brunette turned to stare the Detective. Shock and disbelief warred in his eyes.

“I love you Blair. I love your passion, and your energy. I love your lust for life and your compassion for others. Sometimes it drives me crazy but I even love the way you can talk nonstop for hours. Because I love to hear your voice,” Jim stopped his eyes pleading with the younger man to hear what he was saying.

“You don’t have to say all that Jim. I won’t leave you as long as you need me as your Guide. But you’ve pretty much gotten a handle on your senses, you don’t really need me anymore,” Blair said quietly.

“Senses be damned, Blair. I need you. You. I need you.” He grasped his Guide’s face in his hands and kissed him, pouring all of his love and his need into the kiss. If he couldn’t make the other man understand with words then maybe actions would speak louder.

The brunette struggled for a moment, then emotion overwhelmed him and he returned the kiss whole-heartedly. He could feel the passion and the longing in his Sentinel’s touch. He opened his mouth allowing Jim’s tongue inside. He lost himself in the headiness of the other man’s taste, his arms moving of their own accord to wrap around the older man’s neck holding him there.

Finally a lack of oxygen forced them apart and Blair stared up at Jim his eyes wide with wonder. “You love me?” he gasped as he sucked in air to his starving lungs.

“With everything I am Chief. With everything I am.”

The small Guide tightened his grip around the older man, burrowing as close to the big body as he could. “I love you too, Jim. It feels like I’ve loved you forever.”

Peter stood in the doorway a small sad smile on his face. He brushed a hand across his eyes then turned and headed for the door. He looked back one more time before slipping out into the hallway and heading for home. His friend had his torch to light his way. Now it was up to Jim to keep it lit until Blair realized it wasn’t just a torch but the sun it’sself.

End Chapter Five