The Chibi Files

By Cat

Copyright © Cat 2002

Disclaimer: The Gundam Boys and friends don't belong to me. More's the pity. ~sigh~

This story may not be reproduced or archived elsewhere without permission of the author, Cat. Skippyscatt@aol.com

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Chapter Four – Tears and Truths

“Give it back!” I heard Wufei yell angrily as I approached the counter where I’d left the bread waiting to be prepared for the oven and turned into cinnamon toast.

At first I thought that maybe Duo was teasing him and walked towards the kitchen doorway to make sure it didn’t go any further. I got there just in time to see Milliardo pull something back out of the Shenlong pilot’s reach as he made a grab for it.

“You don’t deserve it,” the platinum blonde snarled back at him. He had one arm over his head holding what ever it was that Wufei wanted and the other held out in front of him to hold the smaller boy away.

The other pilots were standing in stunned silence watching the play by play, unsure what to do. I knew it was because normally Wufei wouldn’t thank them for stepping into the middle of what he considered his battle. But I could see that they wanted to in this instance. I wasn’t under those kinds of restrictions being an ‘onna’. I started towards the two boys just in time for Wufei to make another desperate lunge for whatever Zechs was holding tight in his hand. They crashed backwards into my white plastic plant stand and plants went every where.

I cringed as I watched. “Wufei, Miro stop!” I yelled, then gritted my teeth as they ignored me.

“He gave it to me. It’s all I have,” the smaller pilot exclaimed, struggling with the larger boy. Reaching for whatever Miro held over his head in one fist.

“It’s your own fault!” Milliardo screamed back, pushing Wufei off of him, so that the smaller pilot fell backwards on to the floor. “You killed him!”

Absolute silence filled the room.

Slowly the Chinese Chibi pushed himself up off the floor. His dark eyes were agonized as he turned them on Zechs. “I didn’t want to,” he whispered. “He threw himself at me, right in line with my thermal naginata blade. I couldn’t even save him because he wasn’t wearing a space suit!”

His face crumbled and he ran out of the room. The door to my bedroom slammed closed, the resulting crash shaking through the apartment. I took the last few steps over to Miro and held out my hand with a disappointed and angry frown. The platinum blonde looked at me with hesitant, hurt eyes of his own.

“He was my best friend, my lover. I loved him,” he mumbled as if trying to explain his actions.

“Apparently so did Wufei,” I replied sadly.

Milliardo laid a tiny signet ring in my hand, identical to one he wore on his own little finger. Thinking about how big Treize was and how small Wufei had been even before the accident. It was obvious that the rings had been specially made for both of the pilots. Made for them and given to them, at some point in their relationship’s, with Treize.

I looked around at the other boys. “Trowa would you and Quatre finish buttering the bread and sprinkle the cinnamon-sugar on it? There is a container in the right hand cupboard over the stove that has some already mixed in it. Then put it in the oven carefully when the red light goes out.”

They nodded quietly and grabbed dry pants before slipping into the bathroom to change. I smiled sadly at Quatre as he went by. He had tears in his eyes and one small hand clutched at his shirt. I knew that Trowa would help him, though. I was more worried about Wufei right now, the person that the largest amount of the grief was actually originating from.

“Duo, Heero would you pick up the plants. Throw out the ones that can’t be saved. I’ll vacuum up the dirt in a bit. Try not to walk in it if you can,” I requested, smiling when they both nodded solemnly. Duo handed me a dry pair of sweatpants for Wufei and I smiled at him in thanks.

Finally I turned and looked back at Milliardo who was staring out through the sliding glass door at the new snow falling. “Miro I want you to sit down and think about how much it hurt Wufei to be the one to kill a man he cared about and respected. Especially since I think that Treize asked you to be the one to fight him and you refused, but not because you cared about him too much, but because you had other plans. Fighting Heero if I remember correctly, a totally unnecessary fight. And while you’re at it think about the fact that like you he lost everything to the war, his wife of only few months if that, his entire clan, his entire colony and finally Treize. And deep inside he blames himself for all of them.”

I knew I was being hard on him, but not any harsher than he had just been with Wufei, I didn’t think. I also knew that this was probably not a one-sided deal. There was animosity on Wufei’s side as well but I didn’t know what yet. I intended to find out today. This wasn’t going to go on.

When I opened the bedroom door I could hear my little Chinese Chibi’s stifled crying but I couldn’t see him. I started for the closet thinking he might have gone in there. Then out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of him.

He’d climbed into the tiny walking space between my bed and the outside wall and was curled up on the floor. Quietly I sat down on the floor beside him and just rested a hand on his arm. I didn’t know if he’d let me do more than that. When he moved just enough to curl up beside me and press his face into my hip, I felt a little better about invading his privacy.

Very gradually I shifted until I was lying on the floor with him and his head was resting on my shoulder. Finally the quiet weeping ended and Wufei just lay there with me.

“I’m sorry Honey,” I told him rubbing his back with my hand. “I had an idea about how you felt about Treize. I was sort of hoping that maybe since what happened to you and the others after Mariemaia was different from what I knew, that maybe there were other differences too.”

“Everyone around me dies,” he whispered into my neck. “It’s like I carry a plague.”

“I know someone else that feels that way. In fact probably a couple of different people,” I told him softly.

He turned to look at me, his red rimmed eyes questioning.

“Do you remember hearing about the Maxwell Church massacre on L2?” I asked him. He shook his head and I wasn’t really surprised he and the others had probably been too young to pay much attention. With the exception of maybe Heero and Trowa who were already well ensconced in the midst of the rebellion by then.

Then a surprised look filled his eyes. “Maxwell?”

I nodded confirming his suspicion. “Duo was seven or eight. A group of rebels took over the orphanage he was living in. They got into an argument with the Priest, Father Maxwell, over fighting against the Alliance and their plans to steal a Mobile Suit. They threatened him and the nun who helped him, Sister Helen,” I explained. “Duo promised to get a Mobile Suit for them if they just wouldn’t hurt anyone. When he got back to the orphanage after stealing and hiding the suit, he found it destroyed. The Alliance had murdered everyone including the other children. He held the only mother he ever knew in his arms as she died. He blames himself. That’s why he calls himself the God of Death because death seems to follow him around, but never takes him. Just those he loves.”

“I… I didn’t know. He… he seems so…”

“He plays the clown a lot doesn’t he?” I asked.

Wufei nodded. “I thought he was simply being a fool.”

“In a way he was Honey. It’s his way of hiding the pain, just like you hide yours behind justice and honor. Heero behind being a perfect soldier. Trowa,” I sighed sadly. “He’s literally buried his emotions so deeply that he can’t feel them most of the time. Each of you has had so much pain and you each deal with it a little bit differently. But I promise it’s not your fault, in every case the other person had a choice. You couldn’t make them do what you wanted.”

I picked up his left hand and gently uncurled the pinky to slip the little signet ring on. A small sobbing breath escaped him as he pulled his hand up close to his heart. “I really didn’t mean to kill him. I… I thought he would kill me. I wanted him to kill me.”

“Wufei, if he loved you even half as much as I suspect you love him, he couldn’t have done it. I understand why the two of you still felt you had to fight each other, even being in love. Honor and loyalty to the people you were fighting for made it necessary. It must have been horrible for you when you realized at the last moment that you’d been fighting for the same thing in the end.”

“I was so angry at him,” the Shenlong pilot choked out. “ We could have been fighting on the same side all along. But he was so busy seeing the beauty of war, being a martyr that he didn’t see that we should have been fighting together. I… I yelled at him. I don’t even remember what I said, then he… he lunged at me and I brought up my Bo staff to defend myself. But he didn’t attack me. He moved right into the path of the thermal blade. There wasn’t anything I could do.”

“How long were you lovers?” I asked him quietly knowing that having a chance to talk might be the best thing for him.

“Not long,” he answered his breath catching. “We hardly had any time at all. I went back to earth for a little while after… after Master Long… I needed the chance to fight him again. But when I got there he… he barely even paid attention at first.”

“What was wrong?” I inquired, though I had a feeling I knew. The door was cracked open and I had a good idea of who was on the other side. I wanted him to get an ear full.

“He was upset. Zechs had just made his announcement about being the new leader of the White Fang and fighting for the colonies against Earth. Treize knew that he would have to face him sooner or later as an enemy and it was tearing him up inside.” Wufei shrugged. “I just sat there and listened to him talk, he was in no shape for a duel. He started to cry. I didn’t know what to do, so I finally just held him. I don’t even know how it happened but one minute I was comforting him and then we were comforting each other and then we were in his bed. He was angry at himself afterwards, but it was good and I’d known for a while already that I loved him,” he stopped and a sad teary-eyed smile touched his face. “I loved him and I hated him, isn’t that foolish?”

I sat up and pulled him up with me to sit in my lap. “No, Honey its not, not really. Lots of people say there is a fine line between love and hate. And anyway it’s very difficult to make the heart do what is logical. That’s why you’re mad at Miro isn’t it? Because he left Treize and went to outer space to fight against him, instead of staying by his side the way Treize hoped he would.”

“Yes,” Wufei muttered. “I knew he loved me at least a little. But he was always talking about Zechs. Sometimes he even said his name at night in his sleep. But I guess I wasn’t any better.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked. The door opened silently and I watched Milliardo creep into the room. His own face was wet with tears.

“Because, I loved him, I respected him, but I was still his enemy. He always knew he’d wake up in the morning and I’d be gone and when I came back at night he’d ask me which base I’d destroyed that day. I didn’t know he was keeping track of every soldier that died. Even in the middle of all of us and OZ he was still alone,” the Chinese pilot whispered sadly.

“He knew he would be,” Miro murmured.

Wufei looked up and the hurt and anger touched his face again. After a moment of frowning at Milliardo with red, glistening eyes he turned his face back into my shoulder refusing to look at him any longer. The platinum blonde sighed heavily. He knew he’d been cruel, that he’d pushed this further than he should have.

“I’m sorry Wufei,” he whispered sadly scooting a little closer to us. “I was angry and it hurt, a lot, when I found out that he’d taken you as a lover. When I saw the ring it just hurt even more.”

“You left him alone,” the dark haired chibi hissed and I could see some of the despair falling away to be replaced by anger. “They were all against him. They locked him up on that estate all alone and you just let them.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Milliardo appealed to Wufei. “He wouldn’t leave earth yet. I couldn’t stay with him it just put him in more danger because they already wanted me dead. I can only assume that they’d already realized who I was and they wanted me out of the way. They never counted on Relena being the one to worry about on Earth.”

A bark of derisive laughter escaped from the smaller pilot. “And they didn’t want me dead? You don’t think I put him in danger every time I showed up?”

“Are you kidding?” Miro laughed bitterly, his eyes incredulous. “It was well documented as to how much you hated him. They probably left you alone just because they were hoping that you’d finally kill him or that he’d kill you.”

“I… I hadn’t thought of that,” Wufei murmured sliding off my lap but putting me between he and Zechs. He turned to look at the blonde pilot. “So you left him to keep them from using you against him?”

“That was partly it. I knew all along he planned to die and nothing I said or did seemed to mean anything to him. Not how much I loved him, not that the people needed him… nothing. That’s the other reason I ran away. I didn’t want to be there when it happened. But I still couldn’t escape. He thought it was supposed to be Heero that killed him, but it wasn’t. So he tried to make me be the one who did it. I almost did, would have if Dorothy hadn’t gotten in the way. Then I came to my senses and knew I couldn’t and he should have known that from the beginning. When I wouldn’t and Heero wouldn’t he found you. He wanted it to be someone he respected.”

“So your reason for not fighting him really was because you just couldn’t bring yourself to be the one that helped him end his life?” I questioned as I ran a soothing hand over my Shenlong Chibi’s arm comfortingly.

Milliardo nodded then looked at Wufei with sorrowful eyes. “I am sorry Wufei. I knew if I refused and Heero was occupied that he’d go looking for you. And I was still angry with you, but I had a feeling that you wouldn’t be able to kill him either and I didn’t know if he would actually kill you or not. I didn’t think he would. But I never expected him to actually throw himself on his own sword so to speak trying to bring things to an end.”

“But then you didn’t end it!” the Chinese pilot shouted. “His sacrifice was for nothing!”

“Because I was confused, crazy. I watched Sanq burn twice. I didn’t even know what I was truly fighting for anymore,” Miro cried back. “Why do you think I disappeared for a year? I was trying to figure out who I was and what I was even living for anymore.” He laughed but it wasn’t happy and a new flood of tears started falling. “God, I came back and again tried to put on another mask. I became Preventer Wind. I still don’t know who I am.”

Now I had two crying boys on either side of me, but I knew the air was finally getting cleared. I wanted them to get everything out in the open. The longer it was held inside the worse it would get. I pulled Milliardo to sit against one side with an arm around him and Wufei on the other side. I touched my dark haired Chibi’s cheek with my fingers, then his shoulder silently asking him to stay. Then I turned and lifted Miro’s chin to look at me.

“You are Milliardo Peacecraft. You told me that yesterday morning remember.” As I said that it dawned on me that it really had only been two days. Less even, only about twenty-seven hours. It seemed so much longer. “You are the Crown Prince of the Sanq kingdom who elected to hand the reigns over to your sister because your path lay in another direction.”

“I betrayed my family…”

“No. I never did like the fact that you believed that. You acknowledged the fact that you were dealing with an enemy that knew only one thing. Military force. And what’s more they had no honor. Isn’t that right, Wufei?” I turned and looked at the chibi on my left.

“I have heard how they used lies and underhanded tricks to attack Sanq while Quatre and Heero were there. If they used the same tricks the first time then no, they had no honor and talking wouldn’t have helped,” the Chinese pilot answered.

“But…”

“No buts,” I told the blonde firmly. “You had no choice but to hide your identity and learn the ways of the enemy until you could free your kingdom and your people. The sad part is that history was allowed to repeat itself because the time wasn’t right yet for Pacifism to take root. The people hadn’t decided to take a stand yet. They were still waiting on the politicians to do all the work.”

“That’s what I hated about the end of the first war,” Wufei whispered. “Even with all the sacrifices, Quatre’s Father, my clan, Sanq, the Alliance Pacifists, Treize and over a hundred thousand soldiers, still there was only apathy on the part of the people.”

“Yes, but at least this time with the help of all of you, Relena and Dorothy, the people finally got their act together,” I replied. “Alright you two. I’d say kiss and make up, but I think that would be pushing it. Do you think that you’ve talked enough that you can shake and make up?”

The boys looked at each other for a moment and finally nodded. Miro held his hand out and slowly Wufei took it. “I am sorry Wufei,” Milliardo told him. “I didn’t have a right to be angry, but I did wonder sometimes if you did… you know.”

The smaller Chibi nodded. “I’m sorry I blamed you for leaving Treize. I didn’t know what he had planned, he never said anything to me.”

The Tallgeese pilot sighed, “I should have warned you as soon as I knew you two were together.”

Wufei shrugged. “I probably wouldn’t have listened.”

“Yeah, I noticed you never gave me much time to try and talk before attacking,” Miro snorted.

“You were the enemy what did you expect?” the Chinese pilot growled.

“Enough,” I stated firmly glaring at them both. “Let’s not destroy this wonderful truce in less than a minute.”

They both looked down at the floor embarrassed. “Sorry,” they said in unison and then chuckled.

I grinned at them and reached to take each boy’s left hand, holding them so the rings showed. “The war is over, you don’t have to be enemies anymore. Treize wouldn’t want you too. You’ve both been hurt over this and I am sure that Treize wouldn’t want you to hate each other. He’d want you to be there to comfort each other instead.”

The boys looked at each other and I could see that they were thinking about what I’d said. Realizing that it was true. That the man they had both loved wouldn’t have wanted them fighting. It was what he’d sacrificed him self for. To put an end to it and that he’d have been upset that his lovers ignored that.

“Miro you knew what he was planning and that he would get his way no matter what. And Wufei, like I told you earlier, you can’t control the choices that others make in life or death. It wasn’t your fault. Treize made his own decision. I’m just sorry that he made the people who loved him be his weapons of choice. But it probably helped him knowing that the person who was with him when he died at least cared that he was gone. It was a much better end, more fitting than if he’d died at the hands of one of the soulless Mobile Dolls he hated so much.”

I hugged them both and finally stood up stretching the kinks out of my back and trying to ignore the tingling in my feet from sitting cross-legged so long. I handed Wufei the dry sweatpants and watched him head for the bathroom to change. Then sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged Milliardo over to me.

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for jumping to conclusions earlier about why you didn’t take Treize’s challenge. I shouldn’t let my temper get the better of me either,” I told him apologetically.

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I know you were worried about Wufei. I really didn’t have a right to be mean like that. I was jealous because I thought maybe Treize loved him more.”

“Jealousy can make us do some sad things can’t it?” I asked. “But still I shouldn’t have let myself do that to you anymore than you should have been cruel to Wufei that way. I just knew how shocked and upset he’d been when Treize used him like that. And let my temper get the better of me too. So will you accept my apology and we’ll call it truce?”

“Yeah, maybe we can call it even?” he said looking up at me through his bangs and lashes with a wistful little smile.

I rolled my eyes as I stood up and walked with him to the kitchen. “You are just too darn cute for your own good. You know that? I’m in soooo much trouble with you six.”

Milliardo laughed. “Treize and Noin used to tell me that too. I always got my own way because nobody could resist me. They hated it.”

“I’ll bet,” I laughed. “So, Duo, did you eat all the cinnamon toast?” I asked the Deathscythe pilot with a wink as I saw that there was none waiting on the stove.

“No, they only let me have two pieces,” he pouted coming into the kitchen with Wufei right behind him.

“Trowa put it back in the oven and set it on low so it would stay warm for you,” Quatre told me. He was kneeling on the stool and washing their cups and plates from their morning snack.

“Honey you don’t have to do that,” I told him.

“It’s okay I don’t mind,” he replied. “But I don’t know where to put them to dry.”

“I put them in the dishwasher to drain. Now that there are so many of us we’ll use it more often to actually wash the dishes too. Where is Trowa?” I could see Heero sitting at the computer. So my Heavyarms Chibi was the only one missing.

“Outside,” Quatre turned around and pointed towards the back porch, dripping soapsuds and water as he did so.

I looked onto the patio and saw the uni-banged chibi sitting on a blanket, bundled up in his coat, feeding small pieces of bread to a pair of squirrels. I took the pan of toast out of the oven and quickly slid two slices apiece onto three plates and poured two cups of hot cocoa. I handed the plates to Wufei, Miro and Duo who grinned happily back at me. Then passed the hot chocolate to the first two.

“Now Duo, if Quatre or Heero would like a bite I expect you to share,” I told him with a smile. He beamed and nodded.

I walked around to my coat closet and pulled on my heavy coat. Then off the top shelf I took a large ziplock bag. I started for the porch when Duo ran up beside me and tugged on my arm.

“What’s that?” he asked pointing to the bag.

I could see that the others were interested too. “Pecans and peanuts for the squirrels I keep them up high normally to not encourage mice. But it looks like I’ll have to find a new place for them so Trowa can get to them.” I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and opened the sliding glass door slowly. “Can I join you?” I asked softly not wanting to frighten the squirrel standing on the snow covered rocks just a few feet away. “I come bearing gifts?”

Trowa looked up and he smiled slightly seeing the bag of nuts in my hand. He nodded and took the blanket from me spreading it out beside him so I could sit down. I handed him the bag and he opened it, setting it where we could reach it but not our growing audience. Together we began to feed the chattering excited fur balls that chased each other for the chance to be the one that came up and took the treats from our fingers. It was nice to see the stoic soldier so peaceful, and though he might not be exactly grinning I could tell that he was happy.

At one point I turned around to check on my other boys. Quatre was lying on one of the air mattresses reading a book. Miro had collected the snack dishes and was taking them into the kitchen. I saw him smile at something Wufei said in passing and sighed glad that they had finally cleared the air and come to terms with each other. Heero was still on the computer, but I couldn’t see what he was working on. But then, unless he tried to hack military defense or something, I wasn’t too worried. Just as I was turning around to go back to feeding the squirrels I saw Wufei walk over to Duo. He said something to the braided pilot that made his eyes widen in surprise, then a sad smile touched his face. For a moment they both just stood there facing each other then the Chinese pilot tentatively reached out and hugged him. After a startled second Duo’s arms went around Wufei in return then they walked over to the couch together and curled up on the doll and began talking.

I sighed inwardly. We’d made it through the morning without bloodshed, though the tears had fallen hard and fast for a while. But talking and facing some difficult truths had repaired the damage and started us down a better road. I only hoped that the afternoon would be peaceful.

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End Chapter Four