Funnelweb, by Richard Ryan

Funnelweb
by Richard Ryan
(Pan Australia, 1997)

* * *

Huh. The yanks started the entire thing, and the leave us with a mess. Then they come to out rescue, and bloody well nuke the entire of NSW.

Funnelweb spiders (if you don't know what they are) live in NSW, around the Sydney area. They're called funnelwebs as they create webs shaped like a funnel, and are quite venomous.

In this book, they are exposed to some radioactive waste, and they begin to grow and grow and grow. Not only do they become more venomous, but they begin to attack people. Please note this: in reality, they only attack if you are near their burrow. It's quite incredible how big they are supposed to grow in this book. As big as a tank! Their venom is supposed to melt metal and all sorts of things. Do not read this book if you are arachnophobic.

Czarnecki is the NSW premier, and both he and the PM are crooked. For large amounts of money, they bomb Sydney in the hopes that the spiders will die, and that there would be a huge benefit in it for them. Helen is an American reporter in charge of covering the events, and Jim an expert in spiders. When the first bomb did not work, another is set off in the area of the Rocky Mountains, in an attempt to keep the spiders from reaching the sheep farms. It does not work, and they have to evacuate the entire mainland Australia. All the yanks fault. But justice in the end: the Americans get their just desserts.

Ryan has created a very eerie story—one that is horrific, if it should ever pass—which I quite sincerely doubt. One thing I found that was stupid; he had arachnophobics in the novel, whom he says "control their fear". This is impossible, even with training; one would be afraid; no, terror- stricken, petrified. Even the most fearless of people would shit themselves. As for someone who has an irrational fear of them … they could not "control" themselves! If they could, I assure you they would no be arachnophobic in the first place! Something that I found that Ryan did that was incredibly annoying: every time that he would introduce a character, he'd go and describe them in great and unnecessary detail. He'd go into their past deeply. This detracted from his writing, and I believe the novel could have done without it.

He presented his story well, but his awkward writing style did not let his creation present itself to the fullest.