I've always been judged on my abilities...not my sexual orientation.  And I've always been able to overcome almost anything Life put in my path.  I've just done what I had to...to succeed.  And all of this has certainly been put-to-the-test lately.

Sure...I had planned to use Jim Stockwell's campaign as a stepping-stone to even richer and more influential clients; Jim sure had that figured-out right.  It'll be my ticket from Pittsburgh to New York...a giant step up...more power and influence...and even greater success.  But I was a little surprised when he said that he liked me and shared some of his misgiving about being mayor.  Everyone has some self-doubt, I guess.  Mine is buried pretty deep, but it's there.  And I keep having lingering doubts about my role in his campaign.  He shared lots more with me....about his family...especially his boys...and my respect for him became even deeper.

As soon as he wins the election, Jim will soft-pedal his attack on the gay community. Closing Woody's was just a publicity ploy.  Five minutes on the evening news...Woody's pays a fine...the bar opens...everything is back to normal.  He's not homophobic...just realistic.  He's using crime-fighting as HIS stepping stone because that's what he does as the Chief of Police.  It's a way of being noticed...of getting press-time.  And Liberty Avenue is just an easy, familiar, localized target.  And he's right...there's plenty of drugs, crime, and prostitution there; I should know...I've sampled them all at one time or another.

Homophobia is mostly ignorance...or short-sightedness.  In high school I learned there were several ways to fight it...and I've used them all at one time or another.  Some guys hate gays...until you get their cocks in your mouth; a good blow-job has made many straight guys change their opinions.  If that doesn't work, a sharp kick in the balls may reduce your risk of being a future target...or, in some cases, finding someone else to do the kicking.  I've used ridicule and humor as a weapon...making some dumb jock appear to be a fool in front of his friends because of his own (possible) insecurity about his sexuality; there's a little self-doubt in all of them.  Sometimes there's strength in numbers, although I've never been one to join groups or movements...especially the kind of demonstration Deb has been organizing.  Playing the role of "victim" isn't my style.  Blaming other people for bad things that happen is simply a way of diverting your efforts from a solution.  We're judged, ultimately, by what we do...not what someone does TO us.  Deb's antics are just giving Stockwell free press-time.

I must admit I was surprised when Jim sacked me.  I'd given him credit for more sense...but those wimps on his staff talked him into it, just like all their other bad advice.  I've never hidden my sexuality from him...and it's none of his damned business.  He said he wouldn't do anything that might cost him the campaign...and then he fired the best advisor he's had.  

The polls showed that I was right.  I went back to his office the next day...almost the same way Justin came to me after I fired him.  I could almost hear myself saying the same words. "I've decided you should take me back."   No begging; just good sense. When I reminded him that he should only pick on guys his own size, he realized the gay community was bigger than he thought, ...not just a collection of weak, effeminate individuals.  Hell, even straight people have gay members of their families...or gay friends...and if not, they know someone else who could be a possible target of a similar attack in the future.  I asked Jim if he thought the world would be a better place without gay people...and then reminded him that much of the culture we hold dear was the product of gay people, many of whom never came-out because of the fear of persecution...fear of the kind of tactics he was using to get elected.  And then I suggested the obvious...that he show that his crack-down was not directed at all gay people, but at crime in-general, by mentioning my sexuality in a carefully worded press statement.  He needed me, even though I betrayed my own principles somewhat by letting him exploit me.  I didn't ask to be fired because of my sexuality; I wasn't too keen on being re-hired for my sexuality.  But as they say, "the ends justify the means."

Advertising is a lot like politics...developing the ability to lie with a straight face.  They're not so much errors of commission...saying things that are untrue...because someone can always catch that kind of lying.  But, instead, they're errors of omission...leaving things ambiguous, unclear, or incomplete.  Jim is almost too truthful to be a politician

I went back to the loft for some dinner...then explored the chat-rooms specializing in Pittsburgh-tricking at gay.com.  It's like a sexual-smorgasbord....guys of all types and interests.  It's a challenge...a test of my ability to attract guys...a test of my stamina...a chance to reinforce the Kinney-legend....and a chance to confront my sexuality head-on, no-holds-barred, no limits, and no guarantee of safety.  The arousal of the hunt.  The  thrill of the catch.  The primitive satisfaction of "the kill."  Primeval urges.

At 9:30, there was a knock at the door...too early for the trick-of-the-evening.  It was Justin, filled with pleasure about reaching an agreement with Mikey concerning the Rage cover, which he held in his eager hand.  Rage was getting a hot blow-job from J.T....bordering on outright pornography.  No subtlety in Issue 2!  

I warned him, from the beginning, that a trick was arriving at 11:00.  A shadow of concern passed across his face, like a fleeting cloud on a sunny day...but he wanted to stay until the guy arrived.  "We'll see if his pictures does him justice," he said.  "They all try to look like Tom Cruise or Leonardo di Caprio."

One thing led to another and we ended-up in bed...with Justin on-top giving the best blow-job I've ever received.  [And that's saying a LOT!]  When he was finished, I just wanted to hold him.  Having him there in my bed again felt so natural...so right.

And then the second knock on the door.  He gave me that knowing smile...as if he was challenging me to fuck this trick after such a huge cum-shot.  But he knows my capabilities.  I didn't want him to leave, but he did.  I sent the trick home early, and slept alone smelling the faint scent of Justin's skin in my bed for the first time in several months.