Imperative Hunger

By anonymous

Calistaecho@hotmail.com

Fandom: Sentinel

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Warnings: Major non-con fest., rape, h/c, angst, just a very darkish story altogether. Jim seems out of character, I know, but it will become clear as you read.

Spoilers for those who need to know if it ends happily or not. Scroll to the end.

Feedback of all types welcome.

Imperative Hunger
by anonymous

=1=

"I know you don't want to hear this, man, but I have to tell you. I love you and I want-need to-"

Blair paused, trying to think of a way to say this. "Maybe it's a Sentinel-Guide thing, I don't know-I've never felt like this before. I want-need-- to have a physical connection with you."

Blair looked in the mirror and groaned. That was never going to fly. Jim was gonna kick him out so fast, he'd get whiplash. *Don't say anything, just keep this on the downlow.* Turning away from the mirror, Blair began to pace.

*I wish I could-but I can't anymore. I'm gonna fly apart if I don't-if I don't-oh, God, he's never gonna let me. I am so fucked-or so not fucked and I need to be-need to be...*

"Oh, for the love of God...." Blair returned to the mirror, and back to his rehearsal. "Jim, there are things happening that I can't control and I really need your help, man-"

"So you want to fuck."

Blair jumped at the dark sound of Jim's voice and turned, seeing his friend in the dim light of afternoon, arms crossed on his chest.

Busted.

"Make love," he corrected.

"Fuck." Jim's face was blank, giving no information.

Blair's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Whatever."

"Whatever?" Jim took a step forward, his body tense, his face still composed. "You mean that Sandburg? Whatever?"

Blair swallowed and took a step back. Thought about it, and nodded. His need was so great and growing every day, that he although what he felt was love, he'd take whatever. Anything to be allowed skin to skin contact, to be allowed to feel Jim's weight, his heat, his cock...

"Yes," it came out a rasp, "whatever." And he moved toward Jim, stopping when he was just within reach.

Jim looked him up and down, his eyes hard, and Blair realized he'd misunderstood the question. He stepped back, but too late, as Jim's hand came out and grabbed his arm. Jim applied enough pressure to hurt and pulled Blair towards him.

Bending in, he whispered in Blair's ear, "I'll just ask this one more time. Whatever?" The hot breath that delivered the words sent cold shivers down Blair's spine and he swayed closer.

"Whatever, whatever you want, however you want it..."

"I'm only gonna warn you once, only gonna ask you once. I like to fuck. I like to fuck men. I like it my way. I'm in charge. You sure you want in?"

Blair wasn't sure of anything at that point, not even his name, but he knew he wanted this. Had to have it, or go mad from the lack of it. He turned his head and sought Jim's mouth. Before his lips could connect, Jim took hold of his chin.

"No kissing. No names, no changing the rules, no safe words. You still want in?" Jim's hand was in his hair, kneading it and Blair melted into the touch.

Blair nodded.

"Say it. Say it out loud."

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, we fuck your way."

"We have an understanding. Don't come back later and tell me we didn't."

Blair stood within Jim's personal space and knew he didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Strip." Jim stepped back.

Blair looked at him, surprised.

"Look, this was a mistake. Let's just forget it." Jim turned away.

"No! Jim, no, it's not a mistake. You just-I didn't think-"

"Don't think. If you're going to think and talk, we might as well not begin. I call the shots here, you read me?"

"Y-yess."

"Strip."

This time Blair didn't hesitate, but unbuttoned his shirt and took it off, as well as his undershirt, his jeans, his boxers, his shoes and his socks.

Expecting Jim to approach when he was naked, he was unnerved when Jim simply walked around him.

"I've never seen you naked. Nice." Jim came back around to the front and cupped Blair's genitals. His cock, which had deflated after the undressing, responded immediately.

"Spread your legs."

Blair did and Jim's hand moved down his shaft, to his balls and then spread his cheeks.

Blair moaned at the sensation of Jim's rough, hard hand exploring his body. He thrust into the arm and Jim stopped.

"Go take a shower and then meet me upstairs."

Blair almost toppled as Jim stepped away, and almost followed him before he remembered the rules.

The shower was fast and efficient. When he reached the top floor, he was expecting to see Jim naked in bed. Instead, Jim sat on the chair.

"Come here." His voice was husky and Blair grew harder at the sound.

Jim's pants were unzipped and Jim pointed down. Blair drank in the sight of Jim's beautiful cock. It was thick and in full bloom, arching away from Jim's belly. Kneeling, he took it in his mouth. Letting his tongue explore the textures and tastes, he inhaled the scent of Jim, almost coming with the bliss of contact.

He felt a hand grip his hair and then Jim began to thrust. He fucked Blair's mouth, at first taking his time, clearly doing his own exploring. Then the movement became more frantic, the thrusts deeper. Blair tried to get air in but Jim's hold and pace didn't allow for it. Just when he feared he would pass out, Jim exploded, sending his warm seed down Blair's throat. It was unnerving how Jim had made no sound at all and Blair swallowed, licking the cock as it left his mouth.

"Get in bed."

Blair did as he was told, settling into the big bed. From there, he watched as Jim undressed, his hand unconsciously going to his erection. Jim stopped undressing and asked in a hard voice, "Just what are you doing?"

"Nothing, waiting for you."

"Is that how you wait?" The voice was almost unrecognizable, and Blair wondered a little belatedly just who he was dealing with here. The man before him was not the man he lived with, nor the man he worked with every day.

"I asked you a question."

Before Blair could answer, Jim was on the bed, seizing his wrists. With an ease that told its own tale, Jim tied his wrists together and then looped them through the railing.

"You don't touch what is mine."

"Jim..."

Jim straddled Blair's chest and his hand covered Blair's mouth. "No names. Next time you'll be sorry you forgot the rules."

Blair nodded his understanding.

Easing off Blair, Jim took the lube out and coated his fingers.

"Spread your legs."

Blair did, wondering at his eagerness. He's never been fucked before, never been on the receiving end, and yet, instead of fear or doubt, there was only anticipation.

Jim tried to push a finger in but stopped. "What the fuck? Tell me you're not a virgin. Tell me you've done this before."

"Uh, well, I've-well, no."

Rather than stopping as Blair feared he might, Jim pushed harder, breaching the tight muscle. Blair grunted and then groaned with the pain, which was immediately followed by the need to experience the sensation more. He pushed back on Jim's finger and Jim obliged him, working it in and out.

Blair marveled at his own actions, finding the man on the bed who moved with mindless need, a stranger. His legs were spread and open to Jim, who kneeled between them. Withdrawing his finger, Jim reapplied the lube. Blair held himself off the bed, silently waiting for the return. Two fingers were used this time, and again it hurt, and again Blair found that to be unimportant, dwarfed by the urgency he felt.

Moaning and saliva were coming from Blair's mouth as he fucked himself on Jim's fingers. His prostate was glanced and Blair nearly levitated off the bed, so astonishing was the feeling. Two more times Jim hit the mark, and then Blair was coming, crying out Jim's name.

Heart pounding, breath all but gone, Blair looked at Jim and smiled. No smile was returned.

"I can't believe you can't remember the rules. And that you're a fucking virgin. Turn over."

Blair turned onto his stomach, his cock already getting hard again. His hands were still bound and he found it oddly comforting, to be anchored to Jim's bed this way. He waited, expecting Jim's touch, but Jim got off the bed and rummaged through his closet. He came back and sat on the bed.

Turning his head to look at him, Blair was awash with awe at the beauty and grace that Jim contained.

Jim leaned down and put his hands on Blair's face and Blair thought that maybe Jim would break the no kissing rule. Instead, Jim placed a gag in his mouth. "If you can't remember the rules, you have to be taught. No names." He cinched the gag a little tighter. "You'll wear this until I'm ready to give you another chance."

Jim's hands roved down Blair's back. The sound of the tube being opened was music to Blair's ears, and when he felt Jim's finger back he moaned into the gag and thrust back.

Something hard and cold entered him and he stopped his movements. He wanted to ask what that was, what the hell was in him? But couldn't. Jim pushed it all the way in and it filled and stretched him. Moving, he tried to dislodge it, but it was firmly in place.

"That's a butt plug. You'll wear it a lot from here on. I will take it out. You come to me when you need it removed. You take it out yourself and you won't like the consequences."

Reaching up, Jim untied his hands. They were raw where Blair had worn away patches of his skin with his enthusiastic movements.

"Get up and make us lunch. No clothes." Blair stood up, and turned toward the stairs and then back to Jim. Lunch? He was to make lunch, like this? His eyes conveyed his question and Jim swatted him on the butt, driving the plug in, which hit his prostrate. He fell to his knees.

"Go! I'm hungry. And yes, like this. You're in my game now. You'll play it my way."

Using the railing, Blair pulled himself up and stumbled down the stairs. What had he agreed to? His hand went to the gag but he stopped. He'd agreed to this. Well, not this, but to doing this Jim's way. He couldn't walk away, it wasn't an option. He let his hands drop to his sides and went into the kitchen to begin lunch.

Every time Blair moved, he felt the hardness inside him moving with him. It made his asshole ache but soon that ache spread inside, and he moaned, the sound captured by the gag and echoing back inside of him. He was hard, so hard, and he tried to think of things that would make his erection subside. Nothing helped and he put his hand on his cock, intending to try and make it behave. He squeezed and then gasped as Jim's hand covered his own. His approach had been utterly silent, testifying to all the covert skills Jim possessed.

Jim whispered in his ear. "I'd handcuff them behind you but then I wouldn't get lunch." Removing Blair's hand, he nudged him forward. "Come on, put some speed on."

Blair hurried through the meal preparation, choosing the simplest sandwich he could think to make. He carried the plates to the table and then returned for the fruit. When he got back to the table, Jim had already begun to eat. Blair realized he had no idea of what the protocol was for eating and waited for Jim to tell him. Jim continued eating, only looking up when he was finished.

"Oh, you want to eat?"

Blair nodded and Jim said, "Kneel down and I'll get the gag off."

Kneeling next to Jim's chair, Blair sighed as Jim's hand touched him once more. The gag was unbuckled and taken out and Blair moved his mouth, trying to get the cramps out. Starting to rise, he was surprised when Jim pushed him back to his knees.

"First suck me off."

Blair winced at the way that sounded, but couldn't deny the thrill that went through him. Moving so he was kneeling in front of Jim, he licked the head of it, then took all of it into his mouth. He sucked and in the middle of the suction, he licked, reveling in the taste and texture of Jim's engorged shaft. Once again, Jim took charge and plunged into Blair's mouth, probing for the back of his throat. Trying to suppress his gag reflex and accommodate all of Jim, Blair opened his mouth even wider. Jim's hands were in his hair, using his grip to make Blair's mouth do just what he wanted.

With a thrust that Blair thought just might complete the journey down his throat, Jim came and withdrew. This time he didn't release Blair's head but holding his cock, rubbed it in the semen that had splashed on Blair's face. Blair's tongue came out to lick at it and soon Jim was thrusting again, his cock going in Blair's mouth, then out, each movement making Blair's cock harder.

This wasn't how Blair had ever imagined coming together with Jim. While not expecting candlelight and wine, he had pictured them in a sensual haze and even now, as Jim's cock plunged in and out, he longed to feel Jim's lips on his. That disappointment was small and insignificant when put next to the wonder of having Jim accept his need, of having Jim use him this way.

Tension rippled through Jim's body and Blair sucked harder, determined to keep his prize. Jim's cum shot out and this time, stayed contained within Blair's mouth. When Blair finally released the now soft cock, Jim pushed him away.

Jim's voice was husky, his breath labored. "Eat. You're going to need your strength."

The sandwich held no appeal, but Blair drank three glasses of water and ate the fruit. Jim sat on the couch, watching some afternoon sporting event as if they always lounged around naked. Figuring the next thing on the agenda would be clean-up, Blair cleared the table and began to wash the dishes.

It had only been a few hours since this-this-- thing with Jim had begun-but already Blair felt pieces of him shifting, being reshaped by the need finally being met.

The need had been there from the first moment he had seen Jim, though Blair wouldn't have called it that then. As it grew, it remained nameless, and all Blair knew was a restlessness that had him dating at every opportunity, had him searching for relief among the many women willing to go out with him. Eventually, the need forced him to acknowledge it, forced a naming out of him.

Blair knew it then for what it was, and searched the libraries for a clue in ancient cultures. He found little, just hints that the bond that formed in symbiotic relationships often became sexual ones, for obvious reasons.

He'd watched Jim carefully, hoping to see a parallel need in Jim. There was no sign at all that Jim needed or wanted Blair that way. Despairing, knowing that the hunger would soon make him do something radical, he'd made up his mind to tell Jim.

As Blair bent to put the dishes away, The plug moved in him, scraping that spot again. Blair gasped and leaned against the sink, his knees weak with the unexpected jolt.

"Getting off without me?" Jim hissed, right in his ear, once again moving with the speed and silence of a predator.

"No, I-it moved and-oh-" Something flared, sending savage electricity through his body and Blair turned and went to his knees, his mouth seeking connection.

Before he could get his lips around Jim's cock, he was pulled up by his hair.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"I wanted to-needed to-" groaning Blair pleaded, "Please let me touch you, please touch me." The two men were close and he moved in closer, thrusting his hard cock into Jim's thigh.

"You like that, do you, slut?" Jim's hand caressed Blair's ass and pulled him in closer still.

"I need this, Ji-" Too late he remembered the rules.

Instead of the sharp reprimand he expected, Jim rubbed his thumb across Blair's lips.

"You need this?" Jim asked, as he ground himself against Blair.

"Oh, God, yes." Jim's thumb on his lips tantalized him and he drew it into his mouth, sucking on it in unison with his thrusts against Jim's leg.

"But you've been such a disappointment. A tight-assed virgin who can't seem to follow the simplest of rules. That's going to have to change. You understand that, don't you?"

Blair moaned, his mouth on fire from what Jim's thumb was doing to his mouth. All he knew was the connection was open. Energy flowed from Jim to him, completing a circuit that ended in his groin. Touch was all that mattered, the feel of Jim's skin gliding over his, Jim's hands in his hair, on his ass, in his mouth.... Hard or soft, it hardly mattered, his body demanded the completion at all costs.

"First, another shower for you. You need it." Jim pushed Blair away and Blair stumbled back, sighing at the pain of disengagement. He started to move toward the bathroom when Jim said, "Wait. C'mere."

Before Blair could obey the command, Jim was behind him. "Bend over."

Complying, he felt Jim's hand parting his ass and then a tugging. The thing was removed. Its departure left him feeling sore and empty. Slapping him on the butt, Jim said, "Now get going and then come upstairs."

Blair hurried to get clean again. As the hot water poured down upon him, a little bit of sanity returned and he flushed as he remembered all he had done to Jim and all he had allowed to be done to him. What did Jim think? It was hard to tell. There was so much anger, or was it fear? What would happen tomorrow? What would win out, desire, anger or fear?

For now, there was no tomorrow, just the pull to get clean and get upstairs. He finished and brushed his teeth, though he knew the only thing that would invade his mouth was Jim's cock.

The afternoon was graying over and it would soon rain. The gloom made the loft feel dull and sad and Blair walked up the stairs slowly, surprising himself by his reluctance. Jim was laying on the bed, dressed, reading a book. Blair couldn't make out the title without his glasses and Jim put it aside before he got close.

"Come over here and sit down." Jim patted the bed.

Blair sat, feeling the fight within him heating up. He wanted so much more than cock and mouth and spunk, so much more than clipped commands and hard looks, but he didn't know how to inspire that in Jim. He wondered where his pride had gone, wondered where all the other parts of him had fled when faced with the miracle of the need being met.

The bed shifted and Jim came around to the side Blair sat on. He put his hand under Blair's bowed head and tilted it up.

"It's too late for doubts. You started something and it won't be stopped. You do understand that?" Jim's voice was almost gentle in its apologetic tone, but his eyes were hard, and Blair nodded.

The hand under his chin traveled up his cheek and Blair leaned into it, closing his eyes, imagining it a caress.

"Jim, I love you." The hand stopped its gentle journey and Blair opened his eyes to see naked fury in Jim's.

"You did that on purpose."

"What? I'm sorry-I didn't-"

"You did. You know the rules, agreed to them and then you willfully break them. You know what that tells me?"

"I had to say it, Jim. I'm sorry it broke one of your precious rules, but-"

Jim's hand covered Blair's mouth. "Not another word." He shoved Blair down on the bed and walked to the closet, coming out with a small bag. Another gag was taken out, this one with a ball attached to it. Blair's brain tried to wonder why these things were in Jim's closet but the thought was never allowed to fully form.

"Open your mouth."

Blair hesitated but did as he was told.

The hard rubber invaded his mouth, filling it. Jim adjusted the strap.

"You know this punishes both of us. I wanted your hot mouth between my legs, not gagged. I hope you start to learn. You're making me think you like this."

Blair shook his head, tears in the corner of his eyes, from the discomfort of the gag and the sorrowful note in Jim's voice.

"Yes, I think you do, I think this is just what you need." Jim's hands were on Blair's shoulders, kneading them, making Blair's fears scatter in the wake of the warmth moving through his body.

Leaning forward, he rested his head on Jim's stomach, the gag interfering with his ability to experience Jim the way he wanted to. He longed to explore every bit of Jim with his mouth, his lips, his tongue. Too soon, Jim's hands left his shoulders and he was pushed onto his back. Standing between his legs, Jim looked down at him, and Blair wished he could understand the look that shone in Jim's eyes.

Jim picked up the bag and pulled out leather restraints. "Give me your hands."

Blair did and Jim attached the leather around each wrist, fastening it with a small padlock. Then he put another band of leather around Blair's stomach. It had metal rings in the front and back and on each side. Rolling Blair onto his belly, he put the bound wrists together and linked it to the metal ring in the back.

The bed gave with Jim's weight as he sat down next to Blair. Jim pulled him across his lap and there was joy as Blair felt a hard bulge. There was the sound of lube being opened and then a finger inside, Jim's finger, moving in and out. Pain and then something sweeter than pleasure, as he lay, sprawled across Jim's legs. He moved with each thrust, feeling Jim's hard erection through his pants. Just when he knew he had to come, when the pressure was so great that it felt as if he were about to come apart, the finger was withdrawn.

Groaning, Blair tried to finish by thrusting against Jim but was stopped when a shove rolled him off. Unable to catch himself, he landed hard, bruising his ribs and face.

"Get up."

Blair struggled to his knees, finding it incredibly awkward with his hands behind his back.

"That's far enough. Crawl to me."

And Blair did, kneeling between Jim's knees.

Jim unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, releasing his engorged cock from its confines. Wet with pre-ejaculate, Jim ran his hands around the top of it, sighing and closing his eyes. Blair watched avidly, stunned by the desire he felt by just seeing it. He moved in, wanting to be closer, wanting the connection. Jim fondled himself, his eyes half open, his mouth slightly open.

"You really have it bad. You want this, don't you? Anyway you can get it."

Blair nodded, too caught by the need to hide it.

Jim pulled Blair's head down and began to thrust his cock in Blair's face, his hair, then back to his face, skimming it across the gag.

Like a babe put to a tit, Blair unconsciously started to tongue the hard ball in his mouth, mimicking sucking, trying to appease the hunger.

Laughing, his voice a low growling bark, Jim said, "You need too much. I'm going to enjoy feeding the need almost as much as I'm going to enjoy starving it." With that, Jim scooted back on the bed and continued jacking off, well out of Blair's reach. Fingering his ass, moaning, his tongue darting out, he teased Blair. Coming, he angled his cock at Blair, scoring a hit on Blair's furred chest. Jim sat up and ran a finger through his cum, swirling it around the pink nipple peeking out from the curled hair. All Blair could do was arch in and close his eyes, hopeful. Abruptly Jim got up, brushed by Blair still on his knees and walked downstairs.

Soon the sound of water was heard. Blair bit back a cry of frustration, leaning forward and putting his aching head on the bed. That's how Jim found him, a half-hour later when he came back, damp and naked.

"Good, you're right where I want you." Blair felt the cool touch of lubrication and then, instead of Jim's fingers, the hard plastic dildo was shoved back in place. Hauling Blair up, he turned him around and released the cuffs and unbuckled the gag.

"I'm going out and you need to get used to the way it's going to be."

"Wha-" Blair's mouth wasn't working quite yet and he had a hard time getting any words out.

"You'll see. The less you talk the better. Not as much chance of getting yourself in trouble."

Jim pushed Blair ahead of him and down the stairs. Blair held on to the railing, his legs numb and weak after the hour of kneeling.

"Tired? Big day. Come on, let's get you into bed." Jim herded him into his room and settled him on the bed. Then he took Blair's right hand and attached the padlock to the ring at the head of the bed. The ring that never used to be there. He did the same with the other wrist.

"You're going out?"

"Just for a little while. Do I need to gag you, or will you behave?"

"I'll be quiet."

"Good."

Jim was dressed in dark slacks and a black turtleneck. Blair's mouth filled with saliva at the sight of Jim, sleek and beautiful. Leaning over the bed, Jim wrapped his hand around Blair's cock and pumped, making him even harder. Blair's hips came off the bed and Jim laughed, enjoying the desperate way Blair moved. One hand worked Blair's shaft, the other used the dildo to make Blair babble with entreaties.

"Pleaseohpleaseohpleasemorepleaseyesahhhhyesyesyes-"

But it was a no. Jim stopped, paused, watched Blair heaving, panting and crying out his despair at the loss of touch. Jim leaned down once more and kissed the head of Blair's leaking cock, then straightened up.

"I'll be back later, you be good."

"NO, Jim, don't go, please don't go. Don't leave me like this."

"Shhh. I'll be back." The door closed and the room was silent except for the sound of Blair's soft sobs. He didn't know which ache was worse, the one in his heart or the one in his cock. The light in his room changed from dim to dark and air grew cold, solving one problem and creating another. The blankets had been kicked off and try as he might, he couldn't reach them with his foot to snag and pull them up. His shivering started out small and he curled into a ball, trying to conserve body heat.

It was many hours later that a drunk Jim Ellison came home to a darkened loft, automatically adjusting his eyes so he could skip the lights. Blair would be asleep by now and Jim didn't have the energy to play the game he'd started. What had possessed him to listen in and then respond to Blair's monologue? He'd known Blair was unhappy and restless. Knew he was probably thinking of leaving. Jim had thought that Blair must've tumbled onto the feelings he'd tried so hard to hide all these years.

Dread had been building for months, as he watched Blair date one hot woman after another, rarely spending a night at home.

This was familiar territory for James Ellison. He'd felt some of the same feelings for Jack Pendergast and had made the mistake of telling him. Jack had taken pity and allowed Jim into his bed. It hadn't lasted. Jack's affection for him had only carried him so far and then he'd made it clear it had all been a mistake. That had nearly killed Jim and then Jack had been killed.

Stumbling up the stairs, he shoved thoughts of Blair, naked and bound, out of his mind. He'd done enough today. Enough damage. He'd waited all day for Blair's eyes to blaze, for Blair to shove him away. It hadn't happened yet and that had led to the tequila he'd consumed. But it would, it had too, he was making sure it would, before he got in too deep. Except he was already so deep that they might as well lay the flowers down, scatter the dirt over him and walk away. One taste of Blair had undone him as he had known it would. He might go down but he wouldn't go down the way he had with Jack. He'd given Jack all the tenderness, romance and love he had, and Jack had been disgusted by it. A fuck Jack could handle, a parody of heterosexual mating, he couldn't.

Jim had buried all connection between desire for a man's body and love. He would never confuse the two again, never risk the two again. He went back to the old ways, the ways he'd been taught in the army and that had served him well since. And he couldn't deny that those ways stirred and satisfied some dark, wounded part of him.

When Blair had said he wanted to make love, Jim had been thrilled. That lasted all of one second and he'd corrected Blair's misnomer. He wouldn't be so stupid again. And Blair had agreed to whatever, abandoning his own terminology for whatever got the job done.

The moment Blair's heat and scent had engulfed him, he had been obsessed with consuming him and it scared the hell out of him. Operating on some primal directive, he knew he needed to keep Blair off-center. Knew he needed to dictate the course they were on. He was aghast at the things he felt compelled to do to Blair and shocked and thrilled that Blair was allowing it, accepting his need.

Right now all he wanted to do was go into Blair's cubbyhole, flip him over and merge his body with Blair's. Apart of him feared that completion would signal the end. No, let him sleep. Give him a break, a fucking break.

Jim flopped onto his bed, too tired to get undressed. Too tired to reach out in any way to Blair, he simply checked that he was breathing below and fell asleep

Imperative Hunger =2=

Blair jerked awake from a fitful sleep when he heard Jim's ungainly entrance. His cock got hard despite the cold and he struggled to sit up. Starting to call out, he stopped himself. Something told him that Jim would never come if summoned. So he waited, listening to Jim mutter, wishing he had Sentinel ears so he could decipher Jim's ramblings. Jim's keys missed the basket, he stubbed his toe, and nearly fell going up the stairs...drunk. Blair fell back against the headboard, knowing that Jim wasn't coming. The cold had turned his shivering into outright tremors. Twisting, he tried to maneuver onto his stomach, hoping to find some warmth that way. There wasn't enough give.

Closing his eyes, he hoped sleep would come again. Anything to pass the time, and make this misery end. Instead of sleep, he relived the day, from the moment Jim had touched him, his finger invading that hidden space inside him, the space he'd never given a thought to, the space that seemed wired into all the pleasure points in his brain. Remembering the thrill of that contact, Blair moved on the bed, rocking, his cock bobbing back and forth. Finding he could shift the plug inside of him with a certain movement, he experimented until he was panting. The law of friction was working against him, his cock needing that desperately. In the middle of his awkward lurching, the door was flung opened and Jim stood there, outlined by the pale moonlight, looking like an angelic devil.

"What the hell are you doing, Sandburg?"

Not wanting to stop, not sure he could stop, Blair slowed. "I-I, ohJiiiiim," he pleaded, thrusting his hips towards the man in the doorway. "I can't-you have to---help me--"

Jim didn't move, standing crookedly in the doorway, his arms akimbo.

Seeing the lack of response, Blair slowed and finally stopped.

Jim came forward then, clucking. "Look at what you've done to your wrists." Looking up, Blair saw that he'd rubbed the skin off in a few places. Seeing that somehow acted as a conduit and pain hit, burning through him.

Jim's hand took hold of his arm and it was like an analgesic. Warmth flooded through his blood and he sighed, closing his eyes. Jim carefully unlocked each wrist and laid them in Blair's lap. Picking the blanket off the floor, he spread it over his shivering Guide.

Then he walked away. Blair pulled the blanket around him tighter. With the withdrawal of Jim's hand, the pain was back in full force. He bit his lip to keep all sound in, and held his wrists to his chest. Thought about getting up to take a leak, get a glass of water, beg Jim to suck him off, but decided to wait on all three.

The loft remained dark, but Blair could hear Jim moving around, the lack of curses and thumping indicating he was a little less drunk.

Then Jim was back. He had brought supplies. Handing Blair a glass of water, he waited while Blair took the proffered tablets and drained the glass. Taking his right wrist, he dabbed a wet washcloth over the raw patches, then applied the Neosporin and finally, wrapped it in gauze. He repeated that with the left, all the while silent. Blair watched Jim's long fingers at work and felt the sweet ache start to build again into something fierce and savage. The groan startled them both and Jim asked, "Am I hurting you?"

Blair shook his head, his eyes shut, using every bit of discipline to stop himself from grabbing those long fingers, wrapping them around his hard, slick cock and thrusting into Jim's fist. His resolve didn't last long. When he felt the bed give, telling him Jim was leaving once again, he launched himself at him. The hu g was awkward, but Jim didn't push him off and Blair clung to him, absorbing the essence he'd been denied and thought he'd die without. It didn't take long before his hips were thrusting into Jim. "Sorry, I can't seem to help it. I'm sorry."

Jim's hand cupped the back of Blair's head and he murmured, "I can play a table leg." Blair could hear a hint of a laugh in those words and relief washed through him. Maybe it could all work out, maybe the guy he'd been working and living with was still here after all and it didn't have to be the way it had been.

Blair's breath was coming fast but he huffed a little laugh and said, "You're never that, man."

Jim now cupped Blair's ass and hitched him in a little closer, his finger edging into Blair's hole.

That was all it took. With a cry, Blair came, moaning something incoherently. When the final spurt was finally pumped out, he sagged in Jim's arms, exhausted and stripped of animation for the moment.

Jim held him for a moment and Blair dropped his head down on Jim's shoulder, saying, "Thank you."

Jim stiffened and pulled away. "Time for bed, junior."

Blair started to protest but the look on Jim's face stopped him. He got back into bed and pulled the covers up. Before Jim could move away, Blair snagged his wrist.

"Don't go."

He couldn't see Jim's face very well in the darkened room but he could read the tension and anger just fine without a roadmap.

"Don't make me stay." Jim's voice sounded old, defeated.

What was this doing to Jim? His request to make love had been some terrible key that had unlocked Pandora's box and now the evil was out and it was consuming them. What he had wanted and needed was never going to be his, he could see that. And he was killing Jim with the asking, with his warped cravings. The Jim he knew, loved...he'd left the building.

Blair rolled out of bed quietly, knowing Jim was either wide awake or deeply asleep. Getting dressed, the clothes felt alien on his sensitized body. He went to the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. Left the room and made his way in the dark to the door. Left the loft, making sure the door closed. And walked away.

^^^^^^^^

The pounding on the door echoed the pounding in his head. Groaning, Jim stumbled out of bed. By the time he made it to the door, he knew Blair was gone.

"Jim, open this door before I come back with a load of C4 and blast it open." Joel's voice was nearly unrecognizable in its anger.

Jerking the door open, Jim took in the sight of Joel Taggert, in full aggression mode. Jim felt faint with fear. The fear that Blair was hurt followed by the fear that Joel knew what he had done to Blair.

"Where the hell were you yesterday?"

Yesterday? Jim looked at the message machine that was blinking furiously. He remembered turning the sound off, right after hearing Blair's confession. Oh, yeah, it was Wednesday. He'd been scheduled to interview six men that Joel had profiled as being likely suspects in the Washington Heights bombing.

"Something came up."

"Something with Blair, huh?" Joel nodded toward Blair's room. The anger was leaving his body, giving it back the teddy bear aura that usually surrounded it.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he didn't show up to help Brown remake the links to the subdocuments. What is it? Is Blair in some kind of trouble?"

That was the question, wasn't it? But how to answer.

"I think so, but I'm not sure yet. Spent all yesterday looking for answers."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Joel always did have a sixth sense about Sandburg.

"Yeah, call me if you see him...and don't let him out of your sight. And-I'm afraid I won't be able to do those interviews today either. Can you get them covered?"

"Yeah, I'll take care of it. You take care of Blair."

"I plan to."

^^^^^^^^^^^

It was amazing how far you could get just putting one foot in front of another. The forward motion seemed to indicate a plan was at work.

There wasn't.

Blair had attempted to think through the idea of next.

As in, after. As in, what now.

And found it was like being in the dark and sweeping a foot ahead, knowing the drop-off was near.

And that was all there was, darkness or drop-off.

Neither appealed, or needed to be rushed, so for now, the one foot in front of the other thing was a bit of a blessing. It staved off the inevitable. It gave him something to do. It put distance between him and Jim. These were all good things.

With each step, Blair told himself that Jim was safe now. Safe. Safe. Safe. The word thudded through his brain as his feet hit the pavement.

He was miles outside of Cascade, headed north.

Not to anything, only away from.

Blair told himself that each step he took away from Cascade made Jim safe. And what each step did to him, he ignored, believing he deserved the pain. One day had changed everything, like vinegar poured onto baking soda. An eruption had occurred and all the feelings and needs that had spewed out-were out for good.

He knew he couldn't go back, couldn't be the man he'd been, couldn't stay contained, the way he'd managed for these last years. All that control had been eroded by the actual contact, the match to the gasoline and now he burned.

At some point real darkness came and still Blair walked. He'd taken some turns away from the highway and had been on mostly deserted secondary roads. He was near the ocean, he could hear the soft, steady whoosh of wave after wave breaking on the rocks below.

Soon, he thought, soon, the break-away would come. Soon the edge would be breached and he'd go tumbling off into space, and when he landed he would be broken and dead. Don't need to hurry it, it would come to him, he knew.

He stayed on the road, walking through the night, a little disappointed that it was taking so long. He wanted his fall to look totally accidental, he needed Jim to think it was just one of those things, nobody's fault. So there was no cheating, no looking for the edge, it had to come to him. Several times he fell, but met only ground, not air and then water.

The darkness eventually gave away to the pink of dawn and still Blair walked. And then stumbled and fell, only to land on something soft rather than the hard rocks.

"What the fuck?" A voice, rough with sleep and alcohol, growled into his ear. Blair was shoved and rolled over.

"What have we here?" Blair felt a callused hand sweep over his face and then a chuckle. "A present, for me?"

Blair looked through bleary eyes at the man leaning over him. Despite the evidence of drinking, the eyes that studied him were sharp and clear, warmly brown. The man had a strong face, graced with lines that spoke of hard times.

"A lost soul sent to keep me company."

Blair lay sprawled half on the man and half off. Now that he had stopped walking, his exhaustion paralyzed him and he lay passively as the hand that had started with his face continued its explorations. The man pulled his shirt up.

"Hmm, hairy fellow, aren't you? And what's this? A ring?"

He tugged on it and Blair moaned, weakly trying to push away.

The man continued, his hand going down further.

"Ah, look, you like me, you really, really, like me." His hand massaged the bulge in Blair's pants.

Blair said, "No," but it came out more as a moan and was contradicted by his hips thrusting upwards.

"NO? Oh, that's your game. No it is." Reaching behind him, he brought out a dusty bandana and quickly wound it around Blair's wrists.

"I don't like teases, boy. You say no while your body tells a different story-the real story." He pulled Blair's pants down and Blair blushed, knowing he was fully erect and leaking pre-cum.

"My name is Chance. Well, that's what I'm called. What's you name, sweetcheeks?"

Blair started to say his name and then thought better of it and shook his head.

"Not into sharing, I take it? Your name just a little too personal?" Chuckling, he slowly wrapped his hand around Blair's aching cock and started to jack him off.

It had been bad enough that he had no control with Jim, but to be unable to stop his body's reaction to this-he had to. Squeezing his eyes shut, he bit his lip, clamping down with all of his resolve, determined to hold back-to hold on to himself.

For a few seconds he was able to stay still and quiet and then with a sob, he bucked into Chance's fist.

"That's right, bucko, give it to me." Chance's other hand wiped some of the leaking fluid from the tip of Blair's cock, then transferred that finger to Blair's ass. The first thrust of the finger hurt and Blair cried out, but Chance just maintained a rhythm in counterpoint to the hand gripped around Blair's cock and soon the cry turned to moans.

"You like this, don't you, baby?" He knew it was ridiculous with all the evidence that exposed the lie, but Blair said it anyway. "Nooo."

"You want me to stop?" Chance's hands stilled but remained in place. Blair desperately wanted to say, yes, stop. He opened his mouth to say, yes, stop, but what came out was another moan and then he was thrusting back on the finger inside him and forward into the fist that still encircled him. Chance smiled and let him do the work of fucking himself.

"You just don't know what you want, do you? I'll show you what you want." Chance pushed another finger in and hit Blair's prostrate. Blair arched up off the ground and Chance did it again. Blair came hard, cum shooting out a foot. It took him a long time to finish and when he was finally done, Chance removed his fingers and the hand and wiped them on Blair's shirt. Then he lay back and rolled Blair on top of him, so Blair's mouth was hovering over his own full erection.

Blair hesitated and Chance cupped the back of his head, pushing him in closer. With his other hand, he guided the thick shaft into Blair's mouth. When Blair didn't immediately suck, Chance thrust into his mouth, his cock hard and demanding.

"Don't tell me you're a tease and selfish. C'mon baby, do me." He reached down and tugged on the nipple ring, sending a flash of pain and desire through Blair. He started to suck at the hardness filling his mouth.

"That's right, ohh, that's so good...more, more..." He fucked Blair's mouth long and hard, and finally, with a grunt, Chance came, filling Blair's mouth with hot sperm. "Swallow it." Blair lifted his heavy head. "You're not done, baby. Clean me up. No!" He shouted as Blair started to sit up. "With your tongue." He pushed Blair back down and guided Blair's mouth to the cum that had overflowed. "Lick it up, every drop."

Blair's exhausted mind couldn't mount any kind of defense and he did as he was told, carefully licking Chance's hard belly until he was clean. When he was done, he laid his head down, too tired and spent to do anything else. Chance tugged the blanket over the two of them and they slept.

Imperative Hunger =3=

Blair woke when he felt himself being moved. Opening his eyes, he saw Chance getting up and walking to the edge where bushes lined the road. He heard the unmistakable sound of a leak being taken. His head pounded, and his feet hurt. Both ends, he thought wearily. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Chance was squatting next to him. His shirt was off and Blair could see he was a man used to hard labor and the outdoors.

"Hey, kid, you must be thirsty." Chance held out a bottle of water and Blair reached for it with shaking hands. He realized then that his wrists were still tied together. Chance saw that as well and untied the bandana.

Seeing the bandages on each wrist, Chance lifted an eyebrow. "What's this?"

Blair tried to jerk his hands away, but Chance held on and lifted the gauze. "Shit, I thought maybe you tried to off yourself, but this looks like you've been into some pretty kinky stuff."

Blair blushed and managed to free his hands, reaching for the water bottle.

Chance nodded and handed it over. Blair started to gulp it but was stopped by Chance's hand on his arm.

"Take it easy, not so fast. If you hadn't woken me up so suddenly," at those words Chance fondled Blair's limp cock, "and so distractingly, I would've offered you my hospitality sooner."

Blair kept his eyes on Chance as he slowly drained the bottle.

"More?"

Blair nodded and Chance dug through his pack, bringing out another bottle.

"You're not the chatty type, I see. Can you talk?"

Blair reluctantly took the bottle away from his mouth. "Yes."

"Just not keen on it? Well, I've known a lot of guys like you. Come on, I'll make us some breakfast and then we'll be on our way."

"Way?"

"Yeah, unless you think you want to stay in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around here."

"I'm fine on my own." Blair started to get up but when he put his weight on his feet, he cried out and fell to the ground.

Chance dropped down next to him. "What is it, kid?"

Panting, Blair sought to bring the pain under control. "Walked a lot yesterday. It's just blisters."

"Let me take a look."

"No, no, I can do it. I'm fine. You can go."

Chance shook his head at that but started to pack. He stopped when he heard Blair hiss in pain.

One shoe was off and it revealed a foot that was swollen, blistered and with streaks of red already showing infection. Chance kneeled down and carefully took the other shoe off. It was equally as abused.

"I can't leave you here like this, kid. No way are you gonna be able to get on those feet for a while. We have to get some place where I can clean them and get some antibiotic cream on them. I don't have enough water to even begin to fight that infection."

If he could have gotten up, Blair would have said goodbye to the accidental scenario he had planned, walked over to the edge and jumped. Instead he started to crawl. Chance stepped back and let him move to the precipice. When he reached the bushes, Chance was there.

"Come on, I'll help you." Tears of gratitude came as Blair nodded, relieved Chance wasn't going to stop him. Chance lifted him up and supported him and then reached over and tugged Blair's unzipped jeans down.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Blair stopped the descent of his pants.

"Don't worry kid, I'm just helping you take a leak."

And indeed, once his penis was freed he found that was an overwhelming need.

"Come on, I'm packed, let's get you on the bike." For the first time Blair took in the old and battered Harley a few feet away.

"No, I meant it, I'm going to stay here."

"You got a death wish, kid?"

Blair stayed silent, looking out at the ocean.

"Well, it ain't happening on my watch." Chance bent and picked Blair up before Blair could react he deposited Blair on back of his bike. Blair tried to scramble off but Chance held him down and swung his bag behind Blair. With one hand, he fastened it down and the, never letting go of Blair, got on the bike. Reaching back, he took hold of Blair's wrists and brought them around his stomach. Then he used the bandana to tie them together.

"That's so you stay put and for your protection. Wouldn't want you to fall asleep and fall off-and you really look like you could fall asleep."

Blair tugged miserably at the bonds and then simply nodded, his cheek scraping Chance's naked back.

"We'll get to a town and then stop for breakfast and some first aid on those feet. Keep them tucked up high, away from the manifold. You got that?"

Blair nodded once again and Chance brought the big bike to life. They roared away from the barren campsite, following old highway 92 that ran parallel to highway 5. It was a rare beautiful day of unusual clarity.

In the last three days, Blair had all of four hours sleep and it wasn't long before he was flattened against Chance's back, deep into dreams. They were chaotic, a jumble of images flashing on his retinas. Jim's face was the one constant. Smiling, laughing, reflective, confused, concentrating, angry, irritated, flushed with desire, flushed with shame...Blair's mind caught that and knew its significance but was unable to store it.

Blair woke when the bike slowed as it entered a small town. Casting back, Blair sought to make sense of his dreams but every image crumbled like ash. He lifted his head off of the broad back that had served as his pillow and looked around. So small it didn't rate any fast-food joints, it did have a beaten down café, a small grocery and four bars.

Chance parked the bike at the grocery store. Untying the bound wrists tucked in front of him, he turned around. The man who had stumbled into his life looked terrible. Terrible in a beautiful kind of way, he amended. Chance debated the idea of a hospital, but knew that what the kid needed would never be found there.

"Wait here, no shoes, no service." He got off the bike carefully, not wanting to upset its balance and force Blair to put weight on his feet. The kid looked at him, sleep keeping him from fully understanding what was going on. Chance hurried into the store and found the things he needed. The scrutiny was fierce but Chance was used to that and paid it no mind. Taking the sack from the middle-aged teen-ager, he hurried back to the man with no name.

He'd decided in the store to breakfast somewhere away from town. He didn't know the man's story but it could be anything, including something criminal. The less exposure the better.

It took awhile to find a suitable place but he did, parking the hog next to a small stream. The man-really gonna have to get a name out of him-sat passively as he climbed off and deposited his duffel and the groceries close to the water. Then he pulled the kid into his arms and carried him to impromptu picnic site.

He was surprised by the lack of reaction from the kid and looked at him closely. Not asleep, but eyes shut tightly, told Chance he was in enough pain to keep him acquiescent. A state Chance usually enjoyed, but right now it worried him.

He knelt down, still holding the man and carefully placed his feet in the running water. The kid stiffened, gasped and tried to get his feet out of the icy stream. Chance held him in a strong grip until the cold numbed the pain. "Hey, kid, tell me your name. I can't just keep calling you kid."

No answer. Made him think he was indeed caught up in something criminal. Well, he'd get a name soon. Chance sat behind and pulled the kid against his chest. They sat there without words and Chance wondered at the vagaries of fate.

When Chance was sure the cold water had done the job of cleaning and numbing, he pulled the kid from the edge and laid him down. It didn't take long to cover the feet with antibiotic cream and bandages.

The kid was tense, mostly from the cold and once he finished his first aid, Chance lay down next to him and started in on his plan to get a name out of the man.

"Your name."

A tiny shake of the head.

Chance covered the shivering body with his; delighted at the hardness he felt straining against the kid's jeans. He breathed warm breath into the closest ear and nuzzled the curls that framed the dark and troubled face. He moved down, breathing into the hollow of the throat, his tongue tasting and exploring. The man was still, tight with control and Chance smiled.

Not for long.

Bracing himself on his arms, he skimmed the compact body beneath him, rocking up and down, barely touching the kid. It wasn't long before the body beneath him started to buck up, trying to make contact.

He rolled off and put his hand under the shirt, his fingers teasing the abundant hair that grew there. Next, he trailed his hand down, unbuttoning and unzipping the jeans. Tugging on the waistband , Chance smiled as the man immediately lifted his hips. The man's erection sought the sun and Chance helped free it, then immediately consigned it back to the darkness, taking it in his mouth.

"Aaaahhhhh," the kid acted liked he'd never had any, thrusting with a wildness that bordered on abusive. Chance held him down with a hand on his hip and withdrew his mouth from the cock. The kid mewed, his hands scrabbling to grab at his hair, his face, anything to force the contact, but Chance evaded him easily.

"Shhh, you can have more, but first, tell me your name."

Again the stubborn shake of the head that denied the request.

Chance put his finger in the kid's mouth. Immediately it was sucked. Withdrawing it, he transferred it to the kid's ass and smiled as the kid lifted up, seeking the finger. Pushing it past the tight muscle, he kept the pressure on and then began to thrust it in, gently at first, then with greater force, adding a second finger to the mix.

With his other hand, he pumped the shaft, and on every third pump, squeezed right below the head, thwarting release. It didn't take long for the kid to start sobbing and then pleading.

"Oh, God, please, finish me, let me come." He panted, trying to impale the fingers even deeper.

Chance stayed silent, fascinated by the beauty of the face aroused. The eyes were the darkest blue, framed by long lashes. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth swollen from biting his lips to hold back. The mouth, ah, Chance didn't think he'd ever seen a more fuckable mouth that the one on this kid.

"Pleeasse, Chance," Ah, the kid finally used his name, that was something.

Leaning down, Chance put his mouth right by the kid's ear and whispered, "Your name, the price of release is your name."

The kid turned away and put his hand to his cock, trying to take over from Chance.

Grabbing it, Chance said, "You aren't running the show, kid. You know the price of admission."

The bandana was still in his pocket and he withdrew it, using it once again to capture the kid's hands. Then he continued to push the kid ever closer to the edge and yank him back. He was stubborn but Chance was determined. No amount of pleading or crying was going to get him to let up the sweet torture he was putting the kid through.

The kid was tiring, and Chance couldn't believe it was going to end in a stalemate. He withdrew fingers and hand and Blair silently lifted his hips upwards in supplication. Chance pushed him back down and undid his own jeans, then climbed on the kid's chest and lifted his head. Putting his cock to the fuckable mouth, he smiled when the kid engulfed him without prodding. He sucked and licked, sending Chance into a miasma of ecstasy that ended with him coming in violent spurts.

A fast learner, the kid licked Chance cleaned. Leaning down, Chance kissed the mouth that had delivered one of the most mind-blowing orgasms he'd ever had. He could taste himself on those lips and he licked and nipped, reveling in the softness, the saltiness, the tender flesh that he had so recently made good use of.

He rolled over and waited, sure that he knew his man. It didn't take long for the kid to turn toward him and whisper, "please...."

"Please, what, sweetcheeks?"

Chance watched the expressive face reveal the fight that was waging inside.

"Could you...." The voice was little more than a whisper, "hold me?"

Chance hadn't been expecting that and had no defense against it. Pulling the smaller man into his arms, he crooned, "Just tell me your name, baby. Come on, I have to call you something."

"Blair. My name is Blair."

He had a name and it fit. Blair. It felt odd to simply hold a man. Action was the norm when two men came together, not cuddling. And it was doubly odd because Chance could feel Blair's cock, hard and insistent against his thigh. Now that he'd gotten his prize, he could afford to be generous and he rubbed the kid's back, running his hands up and down a few times until he felt the muscles start to relax. Then he moved his hands down farther, cupping the sweet flesh that hid the sweet spot. He rocked Blair on his thigh, relishing the gasps and moans, the spasmodic tightening of the hands on his shoulders.

"That's right, baby, give it to me."

"Blaiiirr."

"Hmm, so you don't like baby?" Chance loved watching the kid's face as he tried to form a coherent thought. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes opened and closed, revealing their unfocused, dazed state.

Chance wrapped his hand around Blair's cock in a strong grip, wishing he had thought to buy lube and condoms. It had been a long time since he'd enjoyed a man. His time in prison had taught him the pleasures, but not the luxuries, of a male body. There, sex had been hurried and brutal, often observed, more often than not, shared.

Once out, he'd gone back to women, reveling in every way they reminded him he was free. Their softness, the way they smelled, the laughter that soothed, the delicacy of their bones...all of it had been an antidote to the harsh years inside. He'd forgotten the thrill of meeting lust head on without artifice or words, the kick of having a man under his thumb, writhing in need, begging for what he had to give.

And now he had Blair. There was a delicacy about him that had nothing to do with his sturdy body. There was a beauty about him that he'd rarely found in men or women. And there was a burning desire that was consuming the kid. He planned to watch Blair blaze for as long as he could fan the flame. Watch and be warmed by the heat. He could feel it now, under his hand, the blood so hot it felt like it could burn the flesh away.

Chance frowned and leaned in, planting a kiss on Blair's forehead, the way his mother used to. Damn, fever. The heat wasn't just the kid's libido but the infection raging through his body. Chance stopped working Blair over.

Blair's eyes flew open. "Don't stop. I'll be good, don't stop." The fever made him slur his words.

I'll be good? Chance's earlier deductions that the kid had been into something deep were being confirmed.

"Whadya mean, you'll be good?"

"I-I'll be quiet. I won't-I won't touch myself. I won't use any names, I won't ask you to stop, I'll do whatever you say. Just don't stop."

Chance considered all this. This just got better and better. He was in possession of someone else's bitch. The kid already knew the ropes and was eager to play.

"Okay, just so we understand each other. I'm going to give you something." Chance pulled Blair into a sitting position, pulling the aspirin out of the sack and giving Blair three.

Shaking his head, Blair protested, "I don't do drugs."

Yanking Blair's head back by his hair, Chance growled, "You'll do 'em if I tell you to do 'em." Big blues eyes looked at him in confusion. There was a spark of defiance and Chance ruthlessly reapplied pressure to the hard shaft that lay between them. The eyes closed on the flirtation with rebellion and he pumped Blair's cock until he was just about there, then put the aspirin into the panting mouth and a quick swig of water. Gulping and crying out, Blair came.

"That's a good bitch." Chance felt a twinge of guilt about letting the fevered man think the pills he took were something other than aspirin, but he quickly squashed his conscience. You could never let up on a bitch. Prison would have bred all sorts of resentments and ideas into the kid's head and only a firm hand would keep them both happy.

He lowered Blair down and pushed his sweat-soaked hair away from his forehead. The kid was a filthy mess. A cold dip in the stream would be a start on getting him cleaned up and perhaps lower the fever.

Chance stripped Blair of the dusty and cum-covered clothes. The kid was passive, loose-limbed, his breathing shallow. He co-operated by lifting his hips so his jeans could be removed, holding his arms out, so his shirt could come off. His cock lay on his belly, half-hard even with the fever and the recent release.

Chance didn't like to think about what would make a man accept the position that Blair was in. Prison hadn't done that to him.

He'd been one of the takers and breakers and he'd seen and made his fair share of the taken and broken. He'd never allowed himself to empathize with them; they were the losers.

But now he had his very own broken man, his alone and he was experiencing a mix of emotions. It was pathetic the way Blair had no awareness of his power, stupid really, and Chance felt anger at whoever had stripped him of his will.

Being an honest man, at least with himself, he had to admit he found Blair's acceptance of his dominion damn exciting. And finally he acknowledged the stirrings of an emotion that he could barely put a name to.

Chance took his boots off and then his jeans. Bending down he got his arms under Blair and lifted him up. The trip to the water was short and he waded in. The cold hit him with an intensity that had Chance debating just letting Blair go and holding him from the bank. Instead, he carefully lowered them both into the water, gritting his teeth. As soon as Blair's overheated body connected with the cold, he curled up into Chance's chest, seeking asylum from the freezing water.

Chance let him share his body heat for a while and then pushed him off into the stream. Flailing a little, panic etched in his eyes, he didn't protest. Chance kept a grip on him and let the water run across his furred chest, his slim hips, his infected feet. When enough time had passed that Chance feared he might be too numb to carry Blair out, he pulled Blair back to his chest.

That's when Blair sobbed and clung to him, making Chance wonder what the kid thought he was going to do, drown him?

"Hey, I just wanted to get you clean and cooled down. Come on, I think we had enough godliness for one day." Lifting Blair into his arms again was easy enough. The kid weighed-what, 150-160, soaking wet?

"Hold on to me, kid, I need to use my hands to get the bedroll out." As Blair clung to his neck, Chance unpacked his duffel, and spread out the blankets. Placing Blair in the middle of them, he worried about the shivers that were making Blair tremble. The spare shirt and sweater seemed to help a bit.

The bandages had come off in the water and Chance took the opportunity to look at Blair's feet again. White with cold, the blisters stood out all the more and were huge. A few had popped and red striations mapped the infection. He hoped he didn't have to take the kid to a clinic. There was no telling who was looking for him, or why.

Reapplying the antibiotic cream, Chance rewrapped the brutalized feet, covering them with the blanket. Next, he turned his attentions to building a fire. He unpacked breakfast, which consisted of muffins, bananas and yogurt. Blair crumbled his muffin and stirred the yogurt but ate very little.

He said nothing and Chance wondered at the rules as laid out by him. No talking, no names, total obedience. He'd been restrained and he'd fought the restraints, that explained the damage to his wrists. The long hair suggested he'd been out awhile, but the lack of any worldly goods seemed to indicate hard times of the most extreme kind.

"Eat, you need it to fight the infection." That didn't seem to bring any better result so Chance scooted closer. "I said eat."

"Not really hungry." The tone was apologetic but Chance knew insubordination when he heard it.

His hand snaked out and he grabbed Blair's cock, squeezing hard. "I don't believe that was the question. Eat."

Watching the quick way Blair complied, Chance nodded and went back to eating his own breakfast. When Blair finished the yogurt, Chance took the carton away.

"You're gonna need new shoes and socks and you need to sleep. I'm going to get you comfortable and go back to that town." Chance had seen a copse of trees on the other side of the stream, well out of causal sight. He hadn't bothered dressing after their dip and he made two trips, taking over the supplies and then coming back and carrying Blair across the winding stream.

Satisfied that the kid would be comfortable and undisturbed, Chance bent down. "You sleep. I'll be back with lunch. Anything you want?" Blair shook his head, eyes already half-closed.

Chance sloshed through the creek one more time and got dressed. Heading out, he told himself the kid would be fine and he wouldn't be long. Still, he couldn't quite shake the uneasiness he felt at leaving Blair unprotected.

Guided Imperative =4=

As soon as the sound of the motorcycle died out, Blair threw the covers off. Sitting up, he ignored the lightheadedness that washed over him. All that mattered was getting away. The sweatshirt wasn't helping to keep the cold at bay and Blair's hands shook as he struggled into his dirty jeans.

How had this happened? Oh, yeah, he told Jim that he loved him and then everything fell apart. He had thought it was a Guide/Sentinel thing but here he was in the middle of nowhere, hard as a rock and willing to do just about anything to ease the ache in his cock.

Except nothing helped. If anything, every touch of Chance's hand had made the ache deeper. Blair stood and nearly collapsed back to his knees at the pain in his feet. He took a tentative step and then another, moving deeper into the woods. The pain roared through him with each step and he hadn't gotten very far before he was reduced to crawling.

It was hard to think. It was hard to know what to do. All he did know was he couldn't stay with Chance. His body seemed incapable of differentiating between the man he loved and any other man. His body seemed just as happy to offer itself to a stranger as it had been to offer itself to his Sentinel. The knowledge of what that made Blair burned brightly in his fevered eyes. He'd known he was twisted and demanding and now he knew he was a slut as well.

His original plan was still a good one. It just required the right place.

He didn't know how long he crawled or how far he got, but he was stopped with a shout and a curse and hands grabbing him, flipping him on his back. Chance was looking down at him, his fury raw.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Blair put up his hands, trying to make peace with the raging man who bore no resemblance to Chance.

"I-I have to go. I-there's someone, I need to-" Blair's brain tried to sort through what to say. He knew enough not to say he was looking for a permanent way out. He knew he wanted to find Jim, needed to be with Jim-- but the rational part of his mind was telling him that was an impossible goal. He couldn't understand why Chance was so angry. Certainly he would be better off without Blair to look after.

"There's someone else? Not any more. You need something? You find it with me or you don't find it." With that Chance fell to his knees and started unfastening Blair's jeans. Trying to wiggle away, to prove he wasn't a-wasn't a-

"I don't need, I don't need..." Blair babbled as Chance pulled his pants down, his cock springing forth, making him a liar.

"What don't you need? This?" And Chance brought his mouth down on Blair's erection.

"AAAHhhhhhh..." Blair's cry trailed off as he fought for breath. Bucking into Chance's mouth, he tried to make himself stop, but the hot suction tore away any self-restraint he might have mustered. Chance's fingers scratched at his anus, promising their pleasure.

Why couldn't he turn away from it? Why did it seem like the most important thing in the world, to be penetrated? To be sucked? To be pulled into the vortex of orgasm and spun around and around, only to be spit back out, still desperate? Where had this craving come from?

Oh yeah, that's right, it was one of the things that had fled Pandora's box. One of things that he had let loose into the world by his admission that he wanted to make love to Jim. At that thought, Blair came. "JIIIIMMMMM!!" It felt good to say the name, to feel the name.

The name had just left his mouth, when his throat was seized. "Who the fuck is Jim?"

Blair tried to speak, but the hand around his neck was cutting off all language and air. He felt himself falling into darkness and as he fell, he felt the splash of warm cum on his face.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Blair regained consciousness slowly. For a long time he drifted in and out, aware of pain but in a sort of fog. Awareness of being restrained came slowly, as he sought to bring his hand to his aching head and couldn't. Prying his eyes open, he saw that he was still in the forest, lying on the ground. His hands were tied to one tree and his feet to another. There was no sign of Chance or his bike, but Blair was lying on the sleeping bag and he could see that a rudimentary camp had been set up. He still had on Chance's sweatshirt and his jeans had been refastened.

Blair fought panic as his body started to make demands. He needed to take a leak and if Chance didn't come soon, his jeans would become even filthier. His stomach cramped and he wished he'd eaten more of the muffin that Chance had given him.

He was wet, the kind of sticky wet that came from sweating. A drop fell from his forehead into his eyes and he tried to blink it away. It was getting later in the day and the shadows were deepening, making the air chilly. Shivering, Blair had no way to conserve body heat.

Finally, Chance roared back into the clearing. The back of his bike was piled with packages. Getting off, Chance unpacked the bike, never looking at the man tied down. When he'd arranged everything to his liking, he finally looked over and met Blair's eyes.

"You blew it. You know that, don't you?" There was anger in his eyes and something else.

Nodding, Blair dropped his eyes down and so was surprised to feel Chance's hand in his hair, pulling his head up.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Who's Jim?"

Blair winced as Chance pulled his hair and wondered what to say. Who was Jim? Who was Jim to him?

"He was a friend."

"Friend? Lover?"

"Friend."

Switching his grip to Blair's chin, he squeezed it.

"Lover. Don't lie to me, boy. I will make you very sorry if you lie to me."

"Not lover. We-fucked."

Chance nodded at that information. "Was? Out of your life?"

Fighting the tears that came with the admission, Blair said, "Yes."

"Why did you run-crawl away from me? Were you trying to go back to him?"

Blair shook his head.

"Then, why?"

"I-I'm not, I thought-you can't want me-I-was trying to--"

"You think I don't want you?"

Blair tried to nod, but Chance still held his chin.

"Because you're sick?"

Shrugging, Blair tried to look away but Chance kept his hold. He looked at Blair with hard eyes, a frown on his face. The grip lightened and the hand moved, caressing Blair's stubbled cheek.

"Get this straight, baby. I want you and I have you. I'll tell you when I don't want you anymore. Until then, it's not up to you."

The caress had made Blair hard again and he leaned into the strong hand that cupped his cheek.

"You're sick."

Blair nodded. He was sick, depraved, hard for a man because he touched his cheek. The pressure was building and coupled with his fever, it made him bold. He licked the hand on his face, the rough texture of the hard hand fueling his reaction. He moaned into Chance's palm, nipping at it with his teeth.

"You're sick, kid, you need--"

Blair supplied the rest of the sentence-- you need too much-- in his mind. He shook his head, trying to deny that, trying to communicate that he didn't mean to.

"Jesus, you're burning up. Come on. I think you need another dip.

Chance was going to force him into the water again, maybe let go this time and watch him drown. He didn't want to drown again, not in cold water. He knew he needed to be punished for---everything-- wanting and running and needing-but he didn't want to go back into the water.

Chance untied his hands and legs and the hefted Blair into a fireman's carry. It was a different part of the stream, the water here a little deeper. Chance set him down by the edge, stripping him and then stripping himself.

Blair watched Chance, willing him to change his mind. Perhaps if he offered an alternative.

"Hit me?" The question came out a weak whisper; the infection was deep into his blood.

"Hit you? You want me to hit you? Now, when you're so sick?" Chance looked stunned.

Blair nodded, hopeful it would keep him out of the water.

"I'm not going to hit you, Blair. When you're better, if that's what gets you off, but not now, baby, you're way too sick."

Blair made no more protest as he was picked up and placed in the water. The stream ran a little harder and the water came up to his chin. Chance held him loosely and Blair could feel his hold slipping several times and once he went under, though Chance pulled him up quickly. He held onto Chance's muscled forearm, hoping to stay afloat. His body was numb and uncoordinated. It was hard to say how long they stayed in the water, but both men were shivering violently when Chance finally lifted Blair up and walked back to the camp.

There was a new sleeping bag and Chance laid down on the old, pulling the second over them, running his hands up and down Blair's arms.

"You'll be warm in a minute. Don't you feel better with all that crud off? I think the fever will come down and it's bound to be good for your feet. Shhh, don't cry, baby, you'll get better."

It didn't take long for the fever to warm them both up and begin the process of getting them dry. As his body warmed, the close contact with Chance made Blair remember. He pressed in closer, needing the skin-to-skin fusion, needing his Sentinel to merge with him.

"jim?" He said it very softly, knowing Jim had told him no names, knowing Jim would be able to hear him.

"Whadya need, baby? You thirsty?" Chance had heard the syllable but not the word. He rolled Blair's overheated body away from him and sought the aspirin and water. Coming back, he propped Blair up and handed him the water. After Blair took a sip, he put the aspirin in his mouth. When Blair tried to shake his head no, Chance clamped his mouth together.

"Swallow." Blair did, he had to.

"Kid, when you're feeling better, you're gonna learn not to fight me, not on anything. For now, I'll let it go. Here, take some more water, you're gonna get dehydrated sweating the way you are."

Water washed down the acrid taste of the drugs. Blair wondered what they were and what they would do. Jim wouldn't like that he had taken drugs. Jim-Blair pressed his body close to the hard leanness. Jim. Mouth sought nipple, suck, suck, suckling, trying to take Jim in, trying to make Jim want him, keep him, kiss him, fuck him.

The nipple in his mouth was hard and Jim was groaning, arching his hard cock into Blair's chest, his hand in Blair's hair. He pulled Blair's mouth away from the nub and redirected it to his leaking shaft. Blair took it eagerly, his tongue dancing across the head, sweeping the liquid into his mouth. Jim essence, more inside and he wanted it, needed it, inside him.

Breaking away, Blair looked up at the tall man and begged. "Fuck me?"

"You sure? You sure you want this right now?"

Nodding, Blair rolled onto his stomach and then onto his knees, putting his ass up in offering.

"Oh, God, baby, you have a sweet ass." Long fingers kneaded the cheeks. One hand gone, sounds, ripping, opening, the fingers were back, slicked up, entering his hole, pushing, and Blair pushed back with a grunt, need too big to wait, and Jim seemed to understand, because the fingers were gone and Jim's cock was in place, pushing...

"You're tight. Too tight to have done this much."

Blair panicked at those words. He'll stop; he'll punish me, hard things inside that don't really fill the hole or stop the need. He pushed back, impaling Jim's cock. The pain made him gasp and tears came but he didn't hesitate, just kept fucking himself on Jim's hard, warm cock, milking it, seeking the essence. Jim's hand took his erection and pumped him, pacing with Blair's movements. It didn't take long and they were both coming... hot liquid filled his tight channel and Blair waited for...waited for...the ache to ease, the pressure to go. It didn't, his cock was still hard and inside of him, there was a howling wind.

Rolling over, Blair looked up into...not Jim.

"jim?"

Angry eyes, flashing a warning. Chance slapped him, splitting his lip.

"Do I look like Jim? Get this straight, kid. I don't share, not even in your mind. You're with me now."

Nodding, Blair tried to curl up, tried to hide his hardness, but Chance stopped him and looked down.

"Jesus, kid, are you made of spunk? I've never seen anyone so ready and eager. What happened? You wear this Jim out?" Chance laughed, missing the stark pain in the blue eyes that then closed.

"Look, I've had all the fun I can handle. You can take care of yourself." When Blair made no move, Chance took his hand and placed it on the hard cock. "Come on, I want to see you work yourself over. Do it."

"No, I'm okay."

"What, all of a sudden you're shy? I said I wanted to see you do it. I think by the rules set forth, that means you do it. Here, Let me help you." Instead of putting his hand on Blair's cock as Blair expected, Chance got up and rummaged in the bag of groceries, coming back with a fat carrot.

"You could use a little seasoning, kid, a little help becoming accommodating. And I have just the thing. Used to do this to the little virgins in prison. Worked like a charm."

Blair's eyes got big and he tried to scramble away, but Chance caught his leg easily and pulled him close to him. Throwing his own leg over Blair's he held him down with his weight as he lubed the carrot. He moved so he was sitting next to Blair.

"Spread your legs."

"Spread them and lift your hips."

When Blair failed to respond, Chance sighed theatrically.

"You forget the rules already? You. Do. What. I. Say. When I say it."

Chance leaned over and began tugging on the nipple ring and then flicking his fingers at the head of Blair's insistent cock. A gasp was followed by Blair spreading his legs and canting his hips up.

"That's a good boy." Chance placed the carrot at Blair's hole, pushing it against Blair's tight rectum until it was firmly inside.

"Now touch yourself, I want to see you jerk-off." Blair shook his head, fighting what was happening.

Chance nudged the carrot and intense pleasure washed through Blair. He arched up, coming down on the thing inside him, making it nudge that spot that sent electricity through him. Grabbing his cock, he pumped it, eyes shut, tears of humiliation streaking down his cheeks.

"Open your eyes. I want to see you. And I want you to see me watching you, watching as you fuck yourself."

Forcing his eyes open, Blair saw Chance watching him avidly.

Chance put Blair's other hand on the end of the carrot.

"Come on, you see where this is going. In, out, in, out." Blair fumbled and seemed unable to coordinate the stimulation. Chance batted his hand away from the carrot and held it and it didn't take long before Blair was thrusting against it. He was horrified when he heard himself moan and bit his lip to keep any other sounds from escaping.

"That's it, that's a good slut, taking care of yourself. Look at you, you can't get enough of your own hand and a carrot. You're too easy." Chance twisted the organic dildo viciously and smiled when another moan broke through Blair's lips.

Chance knew he would have to get aggressive if he were going to take over where 'Jim' had let off and make Blair forget about the friend he fucked. He was going to have to get creative in order to leave his mark on Blair's body and soul. Because he wanted this one and he wasn't about to let memories get in the way of his sole ownership.

As Blair neared orgasm, Chance took his hand away, continuing to use the carrot. Blair bucked wildly on the dildo.

"Pleassse, Chance."

"Please what?"

"Finish me. Let me finish."

Chance had been planning on that but now he reconsidered. The bandana was close at hand and he stretched and retrieved it, using it to lash Blair's wrists together. Then he attached it to the rope that was still tied to the tree. Blair was stretched out, his body shining faintly in the moonlight. His chest heaved and he still moved spasmodically on the carrot. Chance wanted to see Blair twist in need, wanted to see him helpless and utterly in his command. He would, but tonight he found his mouth drawn to the most relentless cock he'd ever met. He put his lips to it and Blair sighed and bucked, forcing him to take it in. Within seconds he was coming, crying and babbling.

Chance was hard again and he wondered how many times he'd come that day. It had to be a personal best and he was about to break his own record. Straddling Blair's chest, he pulled Blair's head up by his hair. Blair obediently opened his mouth and Chance pumped in and out, withdrawing his cock and smearing Blair's cheeks with pre-cum, plunging back in. He was nearly battering Blair's face with his cock, jabbing the thick shaft at his cheeks and eyes. When he was close to coming, he plunged all the way down Blair's throat, reveling as the throat muscles contracted around his cock. The kid felt good, like a velvet-lined glove. The orgasm smashed into him and he came, oblivious to Blair's distress.

By the time he withdrew his softening organ, Blair was choking on cum, trying to get air into his lungs. Chance got off of him, helping him roll to the side, where Blair coughed and retched until he could breathe again.

When he rolled him back, he saw that Blair's eyes were bloodshot, his face filthy with dirt, blood and cum. He was still gasping for breath.

Chance said nothing, just hitched him closer to the tree he was tied to so he could get him sitting up and put the water bottle to his mouth. Gulping at it, Blair drank quite a bit before Chance pulled it away. Walking away, Chance came back with his tee shirt and wet it down, the cleaned Blair's
face.

Resettling him, Chance made sure he was secure, covering him with the sleeping bag.

"Even you should be tired out by now, kid. Get some sleep. We'll have more fun tomorrow."

Imperative Hunger =5=

The skylight definitely needed washing. Maybe re-caulk the seals. The ceiling could use a new coat of paint, too. He'd get on it in the morning. Jim turned on his side and re-punched his pillow. Wondered what it would cost to have floor re-sanded. He'd do it himself but the dust was hell on his nasal passages. The mattress needed to be turned. The clock in Sandburg's room was too loud, he'd have to do something about that.

Sandburg's room, Sandburg....five days with no word. What kind of word would he expect? Come on, the kid was no freak, he was Blair, for cr'sakes. Blair of the big, wide eyes, Blair the good, Blair the rampant heterosexual, who never, ever, had walked on the wild side, unless one counted that initiation ceremony of the Mantau Tribe.

What had possessed Blair to make that speech in the mirror? And damn the fates for letting him hear it. Jim turned on his other side, kicking the blankets off. The baseboard was coming loose in the corner. Was that a mouse dropping? No. Good. He hated mice. Maybe tomorrow he'd get some traps just in case. He was out of coffee. No way was he making tea. How Sandburg could stand some of those hideous brews...

Sandburg. Gone. Took very little with him, guess he figured he could replace stuff, but if he wanted to keep his soul, he needed to get out fast.

That was Jim.

A soul-sucker.

He'd known as soon as he touched Blair that he was lost. But he'd tried, damnit, he had. Tried not to totally wreck it all. He'd held himself back, Jesus, he'd held Blair back, too. And that had ripped a piece of himself out; to fight the urge to completion...to keep the door open, so they could go back.

Instead, Blair had left. The damage had been done even without going all the way. Maybe if he'd tried to explain-tried to make Sandburg understand the dark place his sexuality lived in-maybe he would have forgiven and stayed. Why Blair had felt it necessary to try and accommodate his-his...twisted take on sex...he couldn't understand, hadn't expected and didn't want.

That last was a lie.

He wanted. He dreamed. He plotted. And thought that as long as he kept all that locked up in his mind, all would remain the same.

Safe.

The friendship intact. And that was the important thing. Screw the whole Sentinel/Guide business. Sure, it had brought them together, but it was hardly at the heart of what they had. He still had to fight the resentment that he needed Blair. It rode side by side with the gratitude that he felt at finding Blair.

As long as he was being honest with himself, he had to admit he missed his guide, missed that specific touch and tone of voice that spoke to the Watchman inside him. There was only one person who stood by a Sentinel's side day in and day out. Without that person, time was a series of hour-long minutes.

Maybe he should look for Sandburg. Explain a little, ask for forgiveness, vow to keep it all in check. Blair might come back. He might forgive. Jack never had, but he'd run out of time with Jack.

What if he ran out of time with Sandburg?

Jim sat up in bed, heart pounding. If something could kill Jack, something could kill Blair. What had been thinking, just letting him go? Anything could happen and did, to Blair. Jim got out of bed. It was still dark, but morning would be here soon and he had a lot to do.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Chance checked Blair's feet. The kid's run yesterday had messed them up pretty bad. He didn't think antibiotic cream and cold water was going to cut it anymore. He lifted Blair's head and tried to force some water past his lips. It was mid-afternoon and he hadn't gotten more than a drop in the kid.

"Blair! Come on, time to wake up."

When he didn't respond Chance laid his head back down. He fondled Blair's soft penis, shocked when it didn't respond. Now he knew the kid was really sick.

Damn, there really wasn't anything to do but get Blair to a hospital. There would be questions and forms, they'd see his bruised face and ass, the scrapes on his knees, the split lip, the finger bruises around his throat, and they'd jump to conclusions. He'd have to John Doe it.

He'd wait, see if he got better as the day went on...

By seven o'clock he knew the kid was getting worse.

He sighed. He really hated letting the kid out of sight for any length of time, but he couldn't afford to have the police questioning him. Rolling Blair on to his side, he spread his cheeks and pulled the carrot out, tossing it aside. By the time he had Blair dressed, there was a flickering of consciousness in his face. Chance took the opportunity to get some more water into him.

"Blair? Baby? I have to get some help for you, you understand? We're gonna take a ride on my bike."

There was no real awareness of what those words meant in the pale face. Chance stashed the stuff that made up the camp under the underbrush. Picking Blair up, he got him settled on the back of the bike. Once again he used the bandana to secure Blair's wrists in front of him. Then he headed to Cascade. There was a little hospital called St. Anthony's he'd heard was good. Not as good as Cascade General, but a lot easier to leave someone at.

Blair's head rested on his back the entire way to Cascade. The heat he was giving off made Chance sweat and he accelerated a little more. He couldn't afford to be stopped for speeding but his fear made him push it, keeping a close watch for any marked cars.

The city buzzed with a scratchy energy that got on his nerves after being in the country for so long. St. Anthony's was on the western fringe and Chance pulled up to the side of the building in as sedate and inconspicuous way as possible. Untying Blair's hands, he kept a firm grip on his arm as he got off his bike.

Lifting Blair into his arms, he walked around the corner where the emergency entrance was. The place was dead quiet and he laid Blair down gently where someone was sure to see him and then left, putting some distance between him and the deed.

^^^^^^^^^^^

By mid-afternoon, Jim was making progressively less probable calls to the people he thought would know where Blair had gone. He'd assumed Blair's car wasn't working and that's why he'd left it. Wrong.

He'd assumed Blair had been teaching. Wrong.

Belatedly, he realized he'd never turned the answering machine back on and so had heard none of the calls from Rainier asking Blair where the hell he was. He'd assumed Blair had gone to stay with a friend. Wrong. No one had seen or heard from since last Tuesday. He'd vanished.

Now Jim went through Blair's belongings. Jim had known he'd left the laptop behind and the cell. Hadn't taken his keys to the loft, sending a clear message he had no intention of returning. He hadn't realized that Blair hadn't taken his wallet, or any clothes that Jim could see. Where had he gone with no car, identification, or money? Where did he go and where was he staying?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The phone call didn't wake him, he'd been staring at the moon as it traversed the skylight.

"Jim?"

"Simon? What's up?" He glanced at the clock, it was one a.m.

"Just got a call from St. Anthony's. They had a John Doe dumped at their ER. Fits Sandburg's description. They saw the APB and called it in. The Doe was left around 11:30."

"Dumped?" Jim swallowed back the bile that had risen in his throat.

"He's alive, Jim, and I doubt it's Blair. His injuries...well, let's just say they don't seem very Sandburg-like. Just thought you'd want to know."

Jim debated staying on the phone to get more information, but decided it was more important to get there.

He used the lights and his badge to get to the room that held the John Doe with all possible speed.

He was stopped before he made it in by a nurse who was unimpressed with his badge.

"No point in trying to question him, he's still unconscious."

"I'm here to identify as well as speak with him. Can I just look?"

The nurse seemed reluctant but nodded, pointing him to the curtained room. It was Blair. The nurse followed him in.

"Do you recognize him?"

Jim was overwhelmed with a barrage of sensory information. Blood and semen, ketenes and sweat were all coming off Blair. His eyes had been blackened, his throat bore fingerprint bruises, his lip was half-healed from being split.

"Yes." Jim croaked. Clearing his throat, he said, "His name is Blair Sandburg and he works with me at the police department. What-what happened?"

"Mr. Sandburg was found outside our ER at approximately 11:46 this evening. He had a fever of 105.2. Blisters on his feet are infected. It looks as if he was beaten and choked as well as raped. There are indications that he was restrained, though those abrasions are healing."

Jim looked open-mouthed at the woman who was clinically reeling off a list of abuse done to Blair. She looked up at him and seemed puzzled by his silence. "Did you understand me?"

"Yes." Jim pulled himself together. "When will he be admitted?"

"He isn't going to be. He's being transferred to General. We don't take county cases."

"No, he's staying here. He's not county. I have his insurance information." Jim pulled out Blair's wallet and found the card. "Here. Now start the admitting process."

"I'll see what I can do."

Moving in closer to the bed, Jim reached out his hand to touch Blair, pulling back at the last minute. Blair's breathing seemed normal but Jim could feel the heat from the fever a foot away. Dragging a chair in closer, Jim sat down and studied the battered face. The beloved face. His hand crept toward Blair again and Jim seemed almost surprised to see how close it was to touching the face.

He pulled it back. Mustn't touch. Lost the right.

An hour later, Blair was wheeled out and admitted, placed in room 203. Jim followed the procession of gurney, IV pole, orderly and nurse and retook his position once they had Blair settled in.

Simon had called, shocked at the news it was indeed Blair. The blue flu was imminent and he couldn't leave the station but Jim promised to keep him informed. St. Anthony's was an altogether quieter place than Cascade General and the rest of the night seemed almost peaceful as Jim waited for Blair to wake up and tell him what had happened. Around six, as the night sky lightened, Blair stirred.

"jim." Not a question. A whisper. "jim" A plea. Jim leaned in closer, tempted to answer, to touch, to connect. He pushed his chair back, and stood up, backing away.

//Oh, God, why isn't Simon here? if Simon were here I could leave Blair in his care but I can't and all Blair has is me. And I can't.....//

The moan interrupted his panicked thoughts. Blair's eyes opened, confused and scared but when he saw Jim, he smiled.

"jim."

"Yeah. I'm here."

"good." Blair's voice was so soft and hoarse that if Jim didn't have Sentinel hearing he doubt he would have been able to hear anything.

"stay."

That command again. Didn't he have any idea of what he was asking? What he was letting himself in for?

Because Jim didn't kid himself. As much as he regretted what he'd done to Blair, as much as he was horrified at the impulse that urged him to take authority over Blair's body, he knew he'd do it again. And again and again. Longed to do it right now, longed to gather Blair to his chest and hold him tight, no matter what Blair's feeling were about it.

"jim?"

Blair's eyes were closing but Jim could see the confusion and fear was back. By the time Jim made it to his side, he was back asleep.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jim paced the small room, waiting for Blair to wake up again. He knew what he had to say and he wanted to say it and get it over with. Blair opened his eyes as his vitals were being checked. When the nurse left, Jim approached the bed.

"What happened? Who did this to you?" It wasn't what Jim had meant to say right off the bat but it's what came out.

Blair had looked stunned at the question. "I-I walked. A long way. I wasn't paying attention and-I-- got blisters....they got infected..."

"Who assaulted you, Blair?" Jim had stopped short of saying raped.

"Assaulted?"

Blair's mystification at the question set off alarm bells in Jim's brain but he ignored them.

"Yeah, Sandburg, someone choked you, someone split your lip, someone...." Jim trailed off, still not wanting to say someone raped you.

"I-don't remember."

Jim noted the lie. Even someone without the ability to track on Sandburg's heart rate would have been able to note the lie.

"What do you remember?"

"Walking. Getting sick. Waking up here."

"That's it?"

Red infused Blair's cheeks as he nodded and said, "Yeah."

A different tact was called for. "How are you feeling?"

Blair hesitated as if searching for some hidden agenda behind the question.

"I'm thirsty."

Reaching for the pitcher and the glass, Jim poured Blair some water, and in handing it to him was careful not to let their hands touch.

Jim cleared his throat. "Uh, look, I'm-sorry, about...I-don't know--"

Before he could get out anymore of his stuttered apology for doing unspeakable things to the man before him, Blair interrupted.

"Hey, I understand. I mean---I don't understand what came over me, why I-why I'm so, so-why I need-but look-I never should've put that on you."

Blair's stuttered apology was incomprehensible to Jim.

"What?"

The one syllable was barked and Blair jerked back, crestfallen. Before he could get another word out, Simon came in. Looking haggard, his usual natty appearance in sad disarray, he walked in with a frown. When he saw that Blair was conscious, a smile replaced it.

"Sandburg! You're awake! How are you feeling?"

"Better." Blair's return smile was hesitant and diffident.

"You had us worried and then when you were dumped--"

"Dumped? Who left me?"

"That's the great mystery. You were left at the entrance to the ER."

"Oh."

"Any idea who might of done that, Sandburg?" Jim hardly expected Blair to tell him but he would keep pushing until he got some answers.

"Nooo, I was out of it. I got sick and then I don't remember."

"You had a pretty high fever when you were admitted." Simon seemed willing to accept that.

Jim wasn't. "Nothing? Not one detail?"

"No, nothing." Blair's eyes were closing in weariness or in an attempt to duck scrutiny. Jim knew he'd get no answers here.

"Come on, Simon. I'll walk out without you."

"Sandburg, you get a good's night rest. I'll check in with you tomorrow." Simon waved his cigar at Blair as if in benediction and proceeded Jim, who turned back.

"You going to be all right? Want me to bring you something? Your laptop? An algae shake?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'll just be sleeping." Blair illustrated that by shutting his eyes.

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

"You leaving the kid?" Simon sounded perplexed.

"Not for long. I want to see what the security is like around here and see if they have any cameras that might have picked up Blair being left."

"He's not saying anything, huh?"

"I don't know if it's shame over the rape or something else, but I'm going to find out who did this to him."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks, Simon, and thanks for coming by when you're up to your neck in blue flu logistics."

"Hey, he's one of us, even if he doesn't always realize it."

Guided Imperative =6=

Blair opened his eyes to watch Jim leave, feeling a surge of longing so intense he nearly got up to follow. He shut his eyes at the pain in his heart and cock. What the hell was wrong with him?

Maybe he should ask them to run some tests. Thyroid. Hyperglycemia. Gonad Hysteria. Something. Something had happened to him and it was physical and commanding. If it had been a Sentinel/Guide thing as he had thought at first, Jim would be feeling it. And he wasn't. So scratch that as a theory. Was he just suddenly-what? Pubescent once again? Nothing accounted for his sudden need and how empty he felt. He needed to know what it was so he could cure it. Fix it. Ease it.

He knew the cure and it had just walked out the door. That avenue was a dead-end. Blair touched himself and stifled a moan. He was hard and aching. Even the catheter couldn't put a damper on his erection.

Leaning back, he tried breathing, silently chanting, finally deciding that pain might be the only way to tame the monster. Pulling at the catheter, he gritted his teeth, then pushed it back. It was pain, but of the exquisite sort, and he was flooded with shame as he realized he was even harder than before. Stilling his hand, he tried to think past the arousal. It blotted out everything but instinct.

With shaking hand, he reached over and grabbed some tissues, then went back to pulling and pushing the catheter. It was a unique fusion of agony and ecstasy. There was something fitting in the pain, the punishment for being so wildly out of control. Trying to stifle both his harsh breathing and his groans, he found himself falling into the twin sensations, reveling in the tension. One hand on his dick, the other on the catheter, he longed for more. Jim and Jim's body meshed with his, or pain, because those were the only two choices. He pulled the catheter out all the way and came. He was only half-successful in containing the mess and realized Jim would know immediately what he had done when he returned.

He had to get out of here. It was all one huge mess, all of it. What started it, what had happened with Chance and now the fact that he had no command over his body. And Jim wasn't going to let the "assault" go. He'd push and push for some explanation. The idea of confessing the last few days to Jim was impossible. He had to get out, somehow, and soon. Spending the next few hours assessing and rejecting one plan after another exhausted Blair and he slumped into a restless sleep.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was surprisingly easy to look the part of an orderly. White pants, white shirt, look stupid but with enough smarts to be resentful and you had it. St. Anthony's had the drawback of being small enough that everyone would be surprised by a new face. Chance timed his entrance at the shift change.

Eleven o'clock at night and there was no one to question his assertion that he was a new-hire. After all, it wasn't like he was working in the maternity ward. How many people snuck in to clean bedpans for no pay? Chronically short staffed, the rest were just glad to get the help. By two o'clock he'd worked his way to the Blair's room.

In the dim light Blair looked peacefully asleep. The IV pole supported two bags, one full, the other depleted by a third. Chance had watched the nurse come and go and knew he had time. It had only been a little over twenty-four hours since he'd seen his baby and he felt himself go hard as he looked at the man he'd claimed as his own.

When Chance had seen that 'John Doe' was listed as 'Blair Sandburg' he'd assumed Blair had regained consciousness and told the hospital his name. Instead he learned the cops had i.d. him. It was rumored he worked for them but Chance knew how information got turned around. There had been a cop in and out of his room all day, but no sign that the kid was under arrest.

Still, they had to be questioning him about something and that usually meant trouble. Chance wanted to get him out tonight, before he said something that got his ass thrown back in jail. The idea that Blair might be put in prison and become someone else's bitch made him rage. The kid was his and nothing was going to change that.

^^^^^^^^^^^

Blair woke to a hand covering his mouth. It was Chance, index finger to his mouth telling him to keep quiet. Nodding, Blair waited for what Chance would do next. Rather than remove his hand, he rubbed Blair's lips with his thumb, then pushed it into his mouth. Blair instinctively sucked and Chance groaned, pushing it in and out of the swollen and healing lips.

Withdrawing it reluctantly, he said, "You're addictive, kid. Come on, I gotta get you outta here." He pushed the covers away from Blair and helped him sit up.

"Chance?" Blair couldn't quite believe he wasn't dreaming.

"Yeah?" Chance was tugging on the IV trying to get it out. Finally he simply yanked on it and Blair cried out as the needle pulled free. Blood followed and Chance handed Blair some tissues to contain it.

"What-how...how are you going to get me out of here?"

"I'm going to put you on a gurney and wheel you right out. I got the costume, no one's gonna blink at us, now that the cop left."

"You saw the cop?" Blair waited, holding his breath.

"Yeah, what do they want with you, kid? You running from something?"

Letting his breath out, Blair said a prayer of gratitude that Chance had no idea that the 'cop' was Jim.

"Something." Blair hoped his clipped reply would be taken for anything other than the fact that what Blair was running from couldn't be named.

Chance had brought clothes and helped Blair get dressed and onto the gurney. It didn't take long before they were back on the bike, heading into the night.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The camera by the ER door had filmed a man laying Sandburg down. Jim rewound the tape and studied it again. The man was tall and the easy way he carried Blair spoke of strength. Jim's extraordinary vision caught an expression the camera failed to reveal. There was no mistaking the look of tenderness that crossed his face as he laid Blair down, his hand stroking the hair out of Blair's face.

Was this the rapist, or someone who had found Blair and didn't want to be known? The guy had the look of someone used to a rough life, the leather jacket screamed motorcycle as did the ragged length of his hair. He looked to be in his thirties, but the face had the hard look of someone who had lived, partied and paid for a lot in those years. Tracking him down might be difficult if he was just passing through.

First he'd get a still of the guy and see what else he could find out. Heading to Major Crime, Jim reassured himself that what Sandburg needed most was sleep and he was getting it now. Come morning he hoped to confront Sandburg with enough information to get him to talk. Jim walked to his truck and got in, looking back at the small hospital.

On some level, Jim knew he was fixating on the crimes done to Blair by the stranger in order to avoid thinking about the things he had done to Blair. The things he had done and the things that Blair had seemed to want him to do. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel Blair thrusting his hard, hot cock against Jim's stomach, his voice low with need as he begged with body and voice to be fucked. Starting the truck, he pulled out, trying unsuccessfully to push thoughts of Blair's blatant desire to be fucked aside.

Jim had wanted to fuck him, take him, claim him, body and soul, as his. Would have, if he hadn't been stunned to find out that Blair was a novice, his asshole tight with a protecting muscle that had never been breached. His own cock was bulging against the confines of his pants as he thought about Blair's body beneath his, moving with his hand, greedy for more, undaunted by the price Jim was demanding.

God, to see Blair gagged, his hands lashed behind him, his ass in the air. It was like every wet dream he'd ever had times ten. Those round, firm cheeks spread before him in submission, waiting for his hands, his dick, his body, to take possession. He wanted to fuck Blair free and unfettered, to feel Blair's hands on him, to hear his voice calling his name and see his beloved's face as his hair whipped about his face in the throes of passion.

At the same time, something in him cried out its need to see Blair bound, the only sounds, the strangled ones that made it beyond the gag. Blair contained and waiting for him, held in place, legs spread in whorish need, unable to communicate anything but need and desire. Communicating that by the lift of the hips, the wild shake of the head, the pleading in the eyes. Oh, God, to have Blair like that again, to feel that again....Jim parked the car and smacked his head on the steering wheel. How could he want to do those things to his friend?

Wearily, Jim pulled himself from the truck and headed to the PD. His erection hadn't subsided and he walked awkwardly, hoping he'd be able to get to the seventh floor without seeing anyone. That accomplished he headed straight to the can and locked himself in a stall. Checking that there was no one close, he unzipped and took himself in hand. One hand on the wall, he leaned over the toilet and jacked off.

In his mind he remembered. Blair, eyes wide with surprise as he felt his prostate touched for the first time. The look of stark, raving hunger that had followed. Blair's frantic movements to bring their bodies together. The sound of his keening wail as he came the last time, his body fused with Jim's. Closing his eyes, Jim conjured up the sensation of the hair on Blair's chest brushing against his own smooth one.

He came, his lips compressed tightly against the scream that tore through him, his sphincter muscles spasming with every spurt.

Sinking to the cold floor, Jim knelt there, knowing all was lost. There was no going back to before. He had to have Blair, had to.

Had to or die.

Maybe it was a Sentinel thing. The way he had felt about Jack had been nothing compared to this. Like a summer breeze compared to a gale force wind.

And Blair needed it, too. Had hypothesized that it was something linked to the role he played to Jim, Guide to Sentinel. Maybe he was right. He was the professor. The one with the I.Q. that looked like a major league batting average. The one who had studied this all his life. Maybe he was on to something. Maybe it meant it could work. Maybe he should trust Blair on this, maybe he should go back and-stay.

Thrusting the video at the forensic technician, he told him what he needed and what to do with the print and then fled back downstairs, taking the steps two steps at a time, unwilling to wait for the elevator.

Using his lights, he ruthlessly tore through the streets, the need to be with Blair overwhelming all else.

Parking at the curb, he left his lights on and ran inside. Unlike Cascade General, nighttime was peaceful at St. Anthony's. He passed only one nurse as he dashed to Blair's room. Pausing in the doorway, his eyes swept the empty bed.

Whirling, he pounced on the nurse.

"What happened? Where is he? Is he all right?"

The nurse looked puzzled.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Blair Sandburg, in his room ....."

"Nothing happened to Mr. Sandburg." She moved past Jim to check out the room herself.

"That's odd. He really couldn't walk on those feet." She looked around as if expecting to see Sandburg coming out of the bathroom.

Jim knew he was gone. Stumbling toward the bed, he sat on it, suddenly engulfed in the scent of pheromones and Blair and Blair's come, all thick in the air. Blair's sperm, no one else's. What the hell was going on? How did Blair leave?

Once again Jim accessed the hospital's security system and watched the tape of the emergency entrance. At 2:26 the same man who had dumped Blair, could be seen wheeling him out, pushing the gurney around to the side of the building. Sandburg wasn't unconscious or bound and seemed to be making no attempt to get away or draw attention to himself.

Who was that guy and why was Sandburg willingly going off with him? Racing out of the small, dark room, Jim made his way out the emergency entrance, moving to the side of the building where he studied the ground. He sniffed the air, finding a small hint of Blair, his scent still wrapped in pheromones. He couldn't distinguish the other's scent, though he tried, knowing its usefulness.

Transferring his attention to the mud along the pavement, he saw an indentation, a tread that looked like the motorcycle tire Jim had been expecting.

Pulling out his cell phone he put out an APB on Blair, and then got transferred to forensics.

"Got anything?"

"I got a good still, sent it down to records."

"Transfer me."

Records had just begun their search and Jim hung up after being promised a phone call as soon as they learned anything.

Slamming the phone shut, he walked back to his truck and began driving north.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The darkness of the night was shimmering into the pale light of a sun just below the horizon. The campsite was ahead and Chance would be glad to make cover and get Blair settled. He'd slept most of the way, his hands once again tied in front of Chance, his head heavy on Chance's back. The weight felt good, solid. The hands tied in front had laid loosely in his lap, teasing his cock and making him hard the entire way. He could barely contain his need to take Blair, to feel those lips around him, to jam his cock back down that willing throat.

When the bike came to a stop, Blair startled awake and automatically sought to withdraw his arms, only to find them restrained. Panicking, he started to struggle.

"Whoa, there, buddy. Just give me a minute to untie you." It was as if Blair hadn't heard him, he just continued his frantic attempts to pull away. The knots were fast becoming impossible to undo and Chance pulled out his knife, cutting the bandanna. The last tug sent Blair tumbling backward off the bike and he landed heavily on the ground.

Getting off the bike, Chance approached Blair, who was trying to scramble away, but finding it difficult because of his feet.

"What is it, baby? What's wrong?"

"Don't call me baby, man, and stay away."

There was a wildness in Blair's eyes that worried Chance. Maybe he'd taken Blair too soon. Maybe the kid needed more of that shit they'd been pumping into him.

Throwing his hands up placating, Chance approached Blair, who continued to try and back away.

"Hey, I won't hurt you. No more than you want to be, anyway. Come on, Bab-Blair. Let me get you under some covers. You're shaking. You cold? Let me warm you up."

Blair's eyes darted everywhere, looking for something. As his eyes scanned the area, Chance took advantage of his attention being elsewhere and jumped him, pinning him to the ground.

Now Blair flailed about in earnest, trying to get out from under the hard body that held him down. Chance was unmovable. Solid and heavy he was making it hard for Blair to breathe. And then the thing he had been so afraid of, happened. He grew hard, his engorged penis pushing at the lightweight scrubs Chance had put him in.

As Chance became aware of the hardness nestled next to his own erection, he chuckled, his words warm in Blair's ear.

"You do love a struggle, doncha babe?" He eased up a bit and Blair took a shuddering breath. Rolling to the side, Chance kept a heavy leg slung over Blair, forestalling any escape.

"We could be a lot more comfortable, baby, if you'd just let me make camp."

Shaking his head, Blair said, "No, let me up."

"I don't think so, kid. I'm tired and horney and in no mood to give chase. You want this hard, I'll give it to you hard. Let's just skip the games for tonight."

"No, I don't want it hard, I don't want it at all. I want to get up."

"And then what?"

Blair was silent, having no answer to that question that wouldn't interfere with his plans.

"So you don't want it hard? Don't want it at all?" As Chance spoke, he pulled the elastic waistband down and cupped Blair's aching cock.

As soon as the warm hand encircled it, Blair was lost. He moaned and thrust into the hand and Chance said, "I thought so."

Taking it away, he smiled at Blair's groan of frustration. He stood up, then bent and picked up Blair, carrying him to the copse of trees that hid the camp. Once there, he set Blair down but didn't release his hold. Rummaging in his pack, he brought out a length of leather and wrapped it around Blair's wrists, tying it and then attaching it to the tree. Blair secured, he set up camp. Blair lay where he had been left, too tired and aching to make a token protest. They both knew what he wanted and needed.

The bedrolls laid out, Chance untied Blair and guided him to one, then retied Blair's arms over his head to the tree that had served before. Taking his pants off, he lay down on his side, next to Blair.

"How do you want it, baby?"

"Don't."

"What? Don't call you baby or don't want it?"

When Blair nodded, Chance took his chin in his hand in a hold so tight it brought tears to his eyes.

"You don't tell me what to do, what to say or what to call you. And you don't tell me what you want. I tell you what you want. Forget the rules already? Baby?"

"Those aren't the rules." Blair managed to grind out.

"No? You mean those aren't the rules with me. You mean those were the rules with Jim?" Chance's voice was deceptively mild.

Blair stayed silent, knowing that anything he said at this point was going to cause a problem.

"Maybe we need our own rules. Maybe I need to make you understand the way things are and the way things are going to be."

The hand that had held his face in such a cruel grip, eased and then stroked his face, the thumb digging into the nerve just under Blair's cheekbone. His scream ripped through the quiet grove, mingling with the sound of birds taking flight.

As the thumb sent agonizing pain shooting through his head, the other hand gripped his cock and Blair was caught between pain and the pleasure, teetering on the knife edge before Chance took his thumb away and put his mouth on Blair's cock. As Blair gasped and rocked forward into his mouth, his hips came off the ground and Chance pushed his pants down, cupped his ass, and probed his anus, seeking entry.

Sweat poured off Blair as his body tried to assimilate the dichotomy of sensations. Pushed and pulled by pleasure and pain, he felt caught in a whirlpool of conflicting emotions and desires.

Chance maintained his control, knowing they were on a cusp. Ownership was being transferred and he needed to close the transaction.

"You understand that you're mine, now? Not Jim's?"

Shaking his head, Blair denied that.

The fingers that had been gently pushing at his hole now plunged in, the pain sharp and unmitigated by pleasure.

"Mine?"

"No." Blair panted, trying to free himself from the burning pain.

The fingers thrust in again, this time hitting the hub and sending the pain spinning into ecstasy.

"Mine?"

Blair's head was rolling back and forth, his answer undecipherable. Chance was starting to get angry. He knew this kid, knew what he wanted and needed, understood the game he was playing, but damn, Blair was pushing this too far, making him work far too hard for his ownership.

Keeping his fingers deep inside Blair, he reached over and pulled out another piece of leather. Withdrawing his fingers, Chance was gratified to hear the harshly moaned, "nooo", escape Blair's lips. He quickly wrapped the leather around Blair's balls and the base of his penis, making a crude but effective cock ring. Then he sat back. Control was needed. He needed to control himself first if he was going to control Blair. And he was going to control Blair.

Putting his hand on his erection, he started to jack off, wanting to get beyond his immediate need and afraid he would really hurt Blair in his anger. It didn't take long before Blair was panting along side him, his mouth open, begging silently for the cock to enter. Chance got on his knees and brought his dick close to Blair's lips, teasing him. Blair tried to lick, tried to capture the hard shaft, but Chance made sure he never quite managed. Blair strained at his bounds as he tried to wrap his lips around the tantalizing cock. Before he managed it, Chance came, his hot sperm coating Blair's face.

Getting up, he pulled his pants on, ignoring Blair and started gathering wood. Blair lay with his eyes closed, trembling from need, heated by fever and desire, determined to hold back. Seeing Jim again, having him so near, had stirred Blair's rebellion over his fate. He wasn't going to willingly give to Chance what he had so willingly given to Jim.

His love for Jim had made everything good, all of it, and he held the memories of what they had done, tightly, refusing to relinquish any of it to Chance. He didn't understand Jim's need to control his body but then he barely understood his own needs, or why it was so easy to give Jim the control.

Maybe control wasn't exactly the right word. Maybe it was more like a need to be consumed, drawn into Jim's sexual vortex with whatever else swirled inside him. He knew sex was just the conduit, that so much more was attempting to be melded besides their bodies, though Jim resisted and denied it.

Chance...Blair looked down at his traitorous cock. Hard, so hard it was purple and aching for release, his cock didn't seem to care if it was Jim's hand or Chance's, Jim's cock or a stranger's. The shame of that caused a sob to escape and Chance turned at the sound, a smile of triumph on his face.

"You ready to admit you want it?"

"No."

"You're going to have one uncomfortable night, baby."

Chance squatted down on his heels next to Blair. He'd taken his shirt off as he'd worked to build the fire and his chest gleamed in the firelight. Reaching out his hand, he skimmed it over Blair's rigid cock, his touch feather light. Blair tightened every muscle, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to hold back but as soon as the warm, rough hand enveloped him, a cry broke from his lips.

"That's right, baby, I've got what you need."

//You don't, you don't, only Jim does, only Jim....//

"Tell me what I want to hear, what I know you're longing to say. Tell me that you're mine and that you'll obey only me."

//Can't. Can't. Isn't true. Won't say it.//

"Baby, open your eyes. I'm gonna make this easy for you. One step at a time. Just tell me you want this. Just start there."

The hand was slowly moving up and down his shaft, creating a pleasure so great it felt like pain. It was true that he needed this, wanted it. Couldn't he just tell the truth? Nodding his head, Blair acknowledged Chance's mastery. Chance pulled his pants all the way off.

"Spread your legs, whore." Chance's voice, so mild just a moment before in his coaxing, was now harsh and demanding. Blair spread his legs, making himself vulnerable and wanton to Chance's scrutiny.

"You're hurtin' aren't you? Hmm, your balls are blue, Blair baby." Kneeling down between Blair's legs, Chance licked one, then lightly sucked it in. Blair screamed, and Chance released it.

"Yup, you're gonna hurt a lot more before you recognize your place. I can just see that stubborn glint in your eye. And I'm telling you right now, I don't take insubordination lightly. You are going to pay for that now and pay for that later. But then, something tells me you might just get off on making those payments." As Chance spoke, he continued to fondle Blair, smiling at the incoherent sounds coming from the helpless man spread at his feet.

"You want me to bring you off?"

Blair didn't hesitate, but nodded. "Yesss."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, please?"

"Oh, I'm afraid it's not that easy. Yes, Chance, I'm yours."

"No-no, I-I'm nnnottt." Blair's whole body was trembling with the strain and he barely got the words stuttered out.

Anger flashed through Chance's eyes and he flipped Blair over. He untied Blair from the tree.

"On your knees, baby." When Blair didn't comply, Chance slapped his buttocks hard and continued the blows until Blair struggled to his knees.

A finger slick with lube entered him without ceremony and Blair groaned. Chance put his hand on the red cheeks in front of him, spreading them and spreading the fire that was coursing through Blair's abused body. A second later, Blair felt the blunt tip of his penis pressing in. His body resisted, the muscles tight, and then suddenly, he opened to the hardness, allowing it in.

Chance slammed into him and withdrew nearly all the way, then repeated it, pounding Blair's ass. At first the sensation of being filled was welcome, but soon every part of him protested the assault. His knees were still raw from when he had tried to crawl away and couldn't take the weight. He started to collapse but Chance put his arm around his stomach and held him up as he continued to grind away.

Anyone watching would have wondered if it was a rag doll that Chance fucked, Blair was so boneless and uncoordinated. Finally Chance roared his orgasm, his cock balls deep into Blair. He leaned back, taking Blair with him and howled, as Blair hung limply in his arms.

Lifting him off his lap that was sticky with cum, Chance laid him down. Blair's penis was huge, engorged to the point it made Chance ache just to look at it.

"Are you mine?"

"no."

The urge to slap Blair blazed through him and Chance willed it down. Sighing, he got out a bottle of water and handed it to Blair, who drank it greedily. When he was done, Chance took the bottle away and gently pushed him down. Retying him to the tree, he said, "I need to sleep, you need to sleep."

Covering Blair, he patted the bulge and felt satisfaction when Blair whispered, "please?"

"Please, what?"

"Please---do me, or at least-take the leather off. I can't-I--" Tears spilled down his cheeks as he made his plea.

"You can't what, baby?"

"I can't feel anything, it's all numb, but it hurts. I won't be able to sleep."

Chance knew he would regret this, that he was taking a step backwards in his breaking of the kid's attachment to Jim, but he did it anyway. His fingers were long and gentle as they worked the leather out of the knots and Blair squirmed in agony at the feeling. As soon as the makeshift cock ring was off, Chance started to walk away.

"chance?"

"What?"

"please?"

"Not until you're mine."

Chance slept through most of the day. Sleep came to Blair in fits, but was broken by dreams of Jim that jerked him awake, hard and desperate. All of them were the same. Jim came home and got himself a beer, then looked over to where Blair stood, waiting. He came towards Blair with a hard look in his eyes, his hunger evident.

"I want you naked," he'd said as if saying he wanted to order pizza for dinner.

"Now." The tone was sharp now, and Blair, in his dream, stripped, feeling himself blush at Jim's scrutiny. Jim had walked around him and murmured, "nice," as he had that first day. Then he'd moved forward, making Blair back up until the bed was against his knees.

Looking down at Blair's raging erection, he smiled, then rubbed the icy bottle against it. Blair's gasp at the cold seemed to please him and he continued rubbing, then pushed Blair, making him fall back on the bed. Putting his knees on either side of Blair's thighs, he knelt and ran the bottom of the bottle across Blair's nipples. They rose into hard peaks and though Blair fought the impulse, he couldn't stop his hips from rising as well, his cock seeking contact.

Jim swung to the side and sat next to Blair. "The virgin wants some."

"please, jim."

"I don't fuck virgins. I like to fuck men who know what they're doing."

"I can learn."

"Learn how to take it like a man? Up the ass? You really think you want that?"

"yesss..."

Jim pulled Blair's legs up so his heels rested on the side of the bed. "Spread your legs and lift your hips up."

Blair had done what he was told, feeling stupid and hopeful at the same time.

Jim took a swig of beer and then placed the mouth of it against Blair's tight pucker and pushed. Blair couldn't help but rear back, his body instinctively trying to evade the assault. Wrapping his hand around Blair's cock, Jim used it like a handle to keep Blair in place as he worked on shoving the neck of the bottle all the way in.

Then he began to fuck Blair, pushing the cold, slick glass in and out, watching Blair's face as he got close to climax. Before Blair could come to completion, the bottle was withdrawn, the hand removed and Blair woke, panting, his body still twitching from the sensation of being filled, his mind crying out for Jim to come back and touch him.

Toward mid-afternoon as they slept in the shade, another dream took hold. This one was altogether different. Naked, Blair ran through the jungle. He was being chased by something dark and heavy and fast, too fast for Blair hope to outrun.

Fear made Blair run harder, fear --and excitement as well. Harder until he thought his heart would burst out of his chest. A thick root across his path ended his flight. His foot hit it and his momentum made him sail through the air. Landing on his back, the wind gone from his lungs, he waited for the thing to catch and kill him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the black shape approach, slinking toward him. It was a panther and it stalked him, moving in for the kill. Paralyzed by fear and exhaustion, unable to draw a breath, Blair waited to feel the teeth sink into his body.

The cat padded the last few feet and stood, watching Blair. Then he lowered his head and Blair was horrified to realize the beast's jaws were poised over his genitals. Instead of the pain of teeth rending his flesh, he felt the velvet tongue of the panther trail across his soft cock. The tongue was gentle and it didn't take long before Blair was hard and erect.

The great cat continued, licking the crevasses, caressing the long hard shaft. Mortified by his reaction, Blair couldn't help but want more. Moaning, Blair moved his hips, unable to keep still. When his hips were in the air, the cat licked his balls and the tip of his tongue flicked over
Blair's anus. That was all it took and Blair came, crying out in relief. The bath continued until he was wiped clean and then the cat looked him in the eye, blinked and put his head down on Blair's stomach.

Blair tried to lurch up but couldn't, as awake, he was still tied to the tree. Looking down, he saw he'd come in his sleep. Chance slept on and Blair was grateful. The reality of the dream still hovered and there was a comfort in it that Blair held to tightly as he fell back asleep. This time he slept undisturbed, as if something held the nightmares at bay, not waking until he felt Chance untying him. It was night again and Chance used a flashlight to see what he was doing.

"Thanks, Chance."

Chance didn't acknowledge the gratitude, just continued his efforts to free Blair.

When Blair's hands were free, he tried bringing them to his chest. They were heavy and uncoordinated, numb from lack of circulation. It didn't take long before the blood started moving again, bringing pain as it brought his hands back to life. Chance ignored his soft groans, gathering wood and starting a fire as Blair let himself drift in the place he was becoming all too familiar with-the place between pleasure and pain.

The orgasm he'd experienced-- triggered by the dream-- had done something that none of the orgasms with Chance had done. It had relieved the pressure. For the first time in a long time, Blair was relaxed despite the pain. The hunger had eased and Blair felt almost himself. He could think, an impossibility while his whole being was consumed by one thing.

So he thought--thought about whether Jim would accept him back after what had happened...

...and came to the bleak conclusion that there was no going back, even if he were now back in control.

Where did that leave him? There was his dissertation, or-in any case, a dissertation to write and a career as a Professor and Anthropologist to embark on. That thought bounced around hollowly inside, bring no comfort.

But maybe time would make that part of his life right again. He couldn't expect himself to lose Jim and the life they'd had together and just walk back to his old one as if he'd never had that glimpse of...that glimpse of...heaven.

The heaven of work fulfilled, rapport that transcended any relationship he'd ever had, home that was more than some walls, and a love....a love he could never claim. So a glimpse of heaven and hell.

It would take time. That's all. Maybe a lot of time, but time would make having a doctorate and being an anthropologist has meaning again. Now to say goodbye to Chance and get himself back to Cascade.

"Chance?" The big man looked his way. It was hard to read his expression in the firelight, the shadows of the flames hiding as much as the light revealed. He said nothing and Blair wondered about this man who's life he'd literally stumbled into. His normal curiosity had been subsumed by the haze of need and pain and fever. Guilt and shame swept through him, as he considered what Chance must think of him. All the things he had done and asked for....

It was an imperative, genetically triggered, of that he was sure. If all had been right, Jim would have had the same need, the same pull to complete the connection.

But all wasn't right. He wasn't the right one. There was someone out there who was. Probably a tall redhead with bodacious curves. When he was out of the picture, she would show up. Nature was precise like that. And they'd probably make lots of Sentinel babies. Nature would like that. That made sense. Much more sense than Jim wanting him.

Maybe the bodacious one had already shown up. Maybe that was why the overwhelming need had finally eased. Blair was relieved to have his hormones take a backseat. He was more than relieved to be able to form coherent sentences. But he wanted to kill the redheaded bitch that Jim was so happily fucking.

It shocked him, the intensity of the rage he felt at the woman taking his place. As much as he wanted Jim safe and as much as he knew that meant Jim had to have a guide, his impulse was to hunt her down and kill her.

//Oh, oh...leftover imperative impulses. Gonna have to watch out for that. Because the urge to hunt down and kill is so not part of being a pacifist.//

This uncoupling wasn't going to be simple-or easy-but clearly it was going to happen.

That left Blair with making some kind of explanation to Chance and getting back to Cascade. Rolling onto his side, he watched the man with whom he had been so intimate. There was raw power in his form, an intensity in even the smallest of movements. Chance was putting together a meal and the smell of it reminded Blair of how hungry he was. When his dick had been calling the
shots, he hadn't been very aware of other bodily needs.

"Need any help?"

Chance looked up, startled by Blair's question.

"Help?"

"Yeah, cooking-or...anything. I know I've put you out."

"Put me out..." Chance said the sentence slowly as if translating it. "Yeah, you owe me, but chopping carrots ain't gonna go anywhere in evening the scale."

Blair swallowed hard, surprised by the anger and menace in Chance's voice. The last few days weren't very clear for him. What had he done? Said?

"I don't have any money on me but I have some back in Cascade. I'll pay you back everything you spent on me."

"You'll pay me back..." Again he said the sentence like he was tasting it and he didn't like what he tasted. "Oh, you'll pay me back and you'll pay me forward, don't you worry about that. But I'll be the one naming the currency and dollar bills won't cut it, baby."

Blair winced at the word baby. Not a nickname and not an endearment, it worried Blair.

"Um, what do you want?" Fearing the answer but needing it, Blair waited. Chance got up from his crouch by the fire and came over to where Blair lay, hunkering down next to him.

His hand stroked Blair's cheek and he said, "You know what I want, baby. You know you're going to give it to me." His fingers curled into Blair's hair and he pulled him forward, claiming his mouth in a kiss. It was possessive and Blair's first with a man.

Everything in Blair rebelled against sharing this intimacy with anyone other than Jim. Fucking could just be fucking. A physical act with a mutual pay-off. But a kiss...a kiss called to a deeper place.

Blair tensed and pulled back, but Chance held him close, his tongue exploring, probing, insinuating itself into Blair's private space. One hand left Blair's head and moved down to seek out his cock.

Had it just been a moment ago that it had been relaxed and dormant? In the blink of an eye, Chance's hand changed all that, re-igniting the sexual fire that Blair had thought he'd put to rest. Now his cock surged to full alert, suffusing Blair with urgency and hunger that ripped out any boundaries, leaving him open to Chance.

When Chance felt Blair's body start to respond, he ruthlessly worked it, using everything he knew to bring Blair right to the cusp. Then he pressed his fingernails under the head of his cock, derailing the orgasm. Again and again he took Blair to the edge and then slammed him back down. By the fourth time, Blair was pleading incoherently, by the fifth, openly crying.

"Tell me that you're my bitch. Say it." Chance held Blair to his chest with one arm as his hand played out its pitiless agenda with Blair's cock. Head lolling to one side, Blair lay sprawled in total wantonness, begging for the end.

"I-I can't, I won't say---IT!" The word it was howled as Chance squeezed his balls, tugging them down.

"You will. Say it now and save yourself some pain and give yourself some pleasure."

"please, chance, don't make me say it."

"Why, why won't you say it? It's just two words, maybe three. Come on, baby, you know that it's sticks and stones that will break your bones, not words. Why not give me those words and make us both happy?"

Blair almost did it. Nothing else mattered except to ease the pressure, to get the release. Nothing, nothing...

But he couldn't say the words. He tried. After all, they were only words and he more than most, understood the elasticity of words and their meanings.

But once upon a time Jim had claimed him. "You don't touch what's mine." And while it had not been a tender declaration, it had still been a declaration. But Jim wouldn't want him now, hadn't really wanted him then...and his blood was sizzling, his nerves on fire and he had to get out, get out of this, get free of it...

"I-I'm y-yy..." His mouth would not make the shape, his tongue would not push the air out.

"Yes? You're mine?"

Blair nodded.

"Not good enough. Say it."

"I-I'mmm yo-you-you..I am yo-" But the words refused to come out. Jim didn't want him but he could only be Jim's. There was just no denying that truth, no bending it.

It felt like his blood was boiling, like he might combust and burst into flames if he didn't find release. His chest was heaving with the effort to get oxygen in and there was nothing he wouldn't have done to make the hunger go away.

"I'm---uh, -- you." It was close, as close as he could get, would Chance let it ride?

"You're me, eh?" Blessedly, Chance's hand began the rhythmic movements that would bring Blair off. Chance shifted him in his lap, and pushed a finger in Blair's anus. It wasn't lubed and it hurt. Once again, the combination of pain and pleasure sent Blair reeling and he came, spurting madly into Chance's fist.

As Blair's body shuddered with the release of the pent-up energy, Chance held him, stroking him.

"That's a good baby. That's right. You're mine and I'll take care of you." Already Chance had rolled Blair off his lap and onto his stomach on the sleeping bag. Blair waited, knowing what was coming and caught between desire and loathing.

His mind kept telling him there was no disloyalty in giving to Chance what Jim didn't want. But while his mind seemed to think that was logical, his heart and soul refused to agree.

His body was the ultimate traitor. It was operating entirely on its own agenda and with a ruthlessness that was frightening in its lack of parameters.

"Up on your knees, ass in the air." Blair heard the curt command. His mind said, "Why not?", his heart and soul cried, "No", and his body asked, "How high?" As the debate inside raged, Chance grew impatient and slapped his naked cheeks hard.

"You like that, don't you?" Chance chuckled and smacked Blair again.

"nnoo, don't." Blair protested at the same time his body said, "Yes" by sending blood rushing to his penis. He pushed back, raising his ass, but Chance didn't stop raining blows in a furious staccato. The accumulation of strikes was short-circuiting Blair's brain.

"please..." panting, he tried to evade the hand by crawling forward but Chance stopped his forward motion with a hand in his hair.

Yanking back on it hard until Blair cried out, Chance said, "Whoa there, bucko, I'm not done with you yet. There's an art to breaking in a bitch." Blair's head was arched back and Chance pulled a little harder, making Blair lean into him. He nuzzled Blair's neck, his teeth scoring along the muscle.

"I'm gonna ride you, and I'm gonna make sure you know you're mine." Pushing him back onto all fours, he said, "Head down, ass up." Blair did as he was told and waited. Nothing happened and Blair wondered what Chance was up to, but didn't dare to lift his head and look. He felt Chance move away and he waited.

"I don't think there's a lovelier sight than the one I'm looking at right now." Chance was circling him. "Reach back and spread your cheeks for me, baby."

Blair awkwardly maneuvered, doing as he was told.

"Beautiful."

Something cold coated Blair's hand.

"Push a finger in."

Blair pushed his index finger in. It didn't go in far, the angle was off.

"That's right, in and out. Not really doing it for you, is it? You want to hit the sweet spot, don't ya, babe? Answer me!"

"Yessss." It was hard to believe how little it took to make him submit.

Chance walked away and Blair eased his finger out.. "I didn't tell you could stop. Keep it going."

Blair did, his fingernail scraping the tender skin, sending shivers through him.

Chance came back and knelt behind him. "Here boy." Chance removed his finger and something else was shoved in. Eased by more lube, it slid all the way and hit Blair's prostate.

"AHHH!" Blair's cry as he felt the thrill travel along his nerve endings made Chance laugh.

"Here." Wrapping Blair's hand around the intruder, Chance stepped back. Blair hesitated, but the need to feel that again won out and he shoved it in, nearly collapsing when he hit the spot again. Again and again, he withdrew it, then pushed it back in as Chance watched, a smile on his face.

"I love to watch you fuck yourself." Chance squatted down and rolled Blair to his side. Taking Blair's other hand, he put it on Blair's erection. "Come on, keep both things going. I want to see you fuck yourself."

Blair obliged, biting his lip to keep from moaning out loud as he jacked himself off and plunged the dildo in and out. In short order, he arched his back and came, his mouth open in a silent cry that was to no one. When he finally stopped coming, he lay back, limp with relief.

Chance sat down next to Blair and stroked the sweat matted hair off of his face. "You're so fucking beautiful baby. No man should be beautiful. Now I'm gonna fuck your beautiful ass."

Blair was too spent to respond and when Chance rolled him onto his stomach, he made no resistance. This time, Chance arranged Blair's body to his liking, pushing his knees under him and pulling Blair's ass up. Blair lay with his head cradled in his arms, waiting again for Chance to do it. As soon as he felt Chance's cock at his entrance, all peace fled. His body surged back to meet it and Chance obliged, slamming in and out. As he neared the finish, Chance took Blair's cock in his fist, and that was all it took. Both men came, Blair silently, Chance yelling, "BABY!"

Chance collapsed on top of Blair, sending both men to the ground. The weight of Chance pinned him and made it hard to breathe but Blair made no effort to get out from under. After a few minutes, Chance rolled off.

The night was fading into day, the darkness of the sky being bleached by the rising sun.

"Come on. Let's get washed up and I'll finish making us some breakfast." Chance jumped to his feet, energized by the last hour. Blair felt as old as dust. His knees were raw, his ass tender, but worst of all, he was still hard. The imperative was not easing and his mind was clouded with the unrelenting ache that had come to stay.

All of Blair's earlier musings on making a new life fled into the bitter knowledge that there was no life for him away from Jim. It would have been hard enough to manage, without a perpetually raging hard-on that had Jim Ellison's name on it. With it, there was no hope.

Chance reached down and pulled Blair up. As soon as he stood, he cried out, sagging into Chance's arms, the pain in his feet making bearing his weight impossible.

"Sorry, I thought they would be better by now." Blair mumbled into Chance's shoulder.

"Don't worry, baby. You'll feel better soon. In the meantime, I've gotten used to hauling your ass around."

With that, Chance bent and put his shoulder into Blair's stomach, hefting him into a fireman's carry. Chance was a big man, taller and broader than Jim, he handled Blair with an ease that was frightening. Flopped over Chance's shoulder like a sack of flour, Blair blushed with the humiliation of being so helpless.

Chance took him to the edge of the stream and placed Blair's feet in the icy water, holding them in place when Blair instinctively tried to withdraw them. Leaning Blair forward, he placed Blair's wrists in the water as well.

Hissing at the pain as the cold liquid hit his raw flesh, Blair gritted his teeth and let the stream carry away the dirt and infection.

"You stay put while I start breakfast." Blair nodded and Chance padded back to the dying fire.

Blair sat at the edge, hunched over, hands and feet numb, and wondered what was left.

It didn't take him long to see that nothing was and with that awareness came his previous determination to finish it. It meant drowning again, but there was a certain dark poetry in that. Drowning was bad at first, but later it was just fine, unless you got brought back. He wouldn't be brought back this time, nothing would call him back this time.

It was so easy, just a tilt forward and he was in the stream, the water rushing over his head. He let the current take him, forcing himself not to struggle, not to allow the panic to make him surface. He tried to open his mouth and let the water fill his lungs, but it wasn't until they were burning with the need for oxygen that he was finally able to overrule the instinct for survival. He let go and inhaled the water.

Imperative Hunger =7=

There were several bars at the edge of town that catered to the motorcycle gangs. Jim canvassed them all, searching for the face he'd seen on the videotape. Dressed in faded jeans, tight tee-shirt and beaten leather jacket, he fit right in. Asking no questions, he sat and drank. The men in the bar were used to the lone rider coming through and left him alone. The conversations ranged from raunchy and raucous, to heated and whispered, as fun was had and deals were made. Deals he ignored.

Listening to each conversation, he heard nothing that gave him any clue to the mystery man's identity. This was his third night on the prowl and the noise, smoke and smell of men with bad hygiene were wearing his nerves down. It wouldn't stop him from being back tomorrow night and the night after that if it meant he might find Blair.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Fuck! Blair was a walking disaster waiting to happen. Chance pounded on Blair's back as he coughed up the water he'd taken in. The coughing turned to retching and Chance held the kid's shoulders as his body was wracked by the gagging. At least he was breathing, for awhile after he'd fished the kid out of the creek, it had been a touch and go thing. He'd never know what made him look over to Blair as he started their breakfast. It hadn't been a sound, more like a displacement of air.

He'd looked up to see Blair was gone. His first reaction was anger that Blair was trying to get away again. Then he'd realized that there was no way he could have gotten out of sight in such a short time. The stupid fuck had fallen in. He hadn't been really worried. The stream wasn't that deep, though the recent rains had given it speed.

But when Blair failed to stand up, Chance figured he must have hit his head. Racing to the section fifty yards down from where he'd left Blair, Chance had seen him in the water, looking like a very naked white fish. A dead, naked white fish. Blair was caught against a large rock that split the stream, being beaten against it by the force of the current. His mouth was open, his eyes closed, and it was the worst moment of Chance's life.

Jumping in, Chance had waded to the middle and pulled Blair away from the rock. There was blood on it but he'd worry about that later. Hauling Blair to the bank, he heaved him out of the water and then clambered up next to him. Immediately, he leaned over and began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, praying that each breath would give Blair life. It only took a few seconds before Blair gasped and water spewed out of his mouth.

Now he was getting the last of the gunk out of his lungs and Chance held the heaving body close to his, aware of the violent shivering and the painful rasp of each breath.

"Come on, baby, let me get you under some covers. Man, I can't leave you alone for a minute without something happening. You have to be more careful!"

Blair was silent through Chance's lecture, allowing the big man to pick him up and carry him to the bedrolls. Chance settled him close to the fire and then turned his attention to Blair's back. There was a gash there, where the rock edge had scraped him and there was a lump on the back of his head. The gash was nasty and Chance winced in sympathy as he cleaned it. The kid couldn't catch a break.

Blair had remained silent, not even reacting to the pain of the cut being cleaned. Once on his back again, Blair stared at Chance with no expression, his eyes flat. The only things that betrayed the fact that he lived was the rising of his chest with each breath and his dick, stiff and standing straight, ready as usual, for Chance's attention.

Shaking his head at the wonder of that, Chance stripped and lay down next to the shivering man. One-on-one body heat was called for. As soon as his body came in contact with Blair's, heat flared between them.

Chance could feel every muscle in Blair's body tighten to a painful degree and he ran his hand down Blair's back, careful of the cut, trying to get him to relax.

Feeling foolish but somehow feeling it was the right thing, he whispered. "It's all right, baby, I've got you, you'll be warm in just a minute. It's all right..." he crooned, trying to break through the frozen barrier that was between them. He hitched his hips closer, bumping into Blair's erection. A sound like a sob escaped Blair's lips and the wall was gone, as he latched onto Chance and began to hump him.

Chance smiled, he knew the way to this kid's heart. Rolling Blair on top of him, he let him hump away. It was one way to get warm. Cupping Blair's ass, he kneaded the cold flesh, enjoying the way Blair felt as he rubbed against him.

He was making the sounds Chance had come to love, little desperate groans and muted wails, conveying distress and pleasure. Chance loved it all...knowing the kid needed it, needed it so much he was hurting from the need, knowing that he had the cure for that pain. Blair needed him, needed someone who would dole out the pleasure and wasn't afraid to mix in the punishment, who understood that Blair needed to fight it but needed to get it, too. Blair came, pulsing warm cum between them, but didn't stop and Chance knew that he hadn't gotten what he needed yet.

Insinuating his hand between their cum and sweat -slicked bodies, Chance got his fingers coated and used it to penetrate Blair. The keening sound that filled the air was music to his ears, as he plunged it in, quickly moving to using three fingers to fill Blair. When he was sure Blair was ready, he used his great upper body strength to lift Blair up and set him down over his waiting cock. He began to slowly lower Blair, but the kid had his own ideas and slammed himself down.

"Oumph." The air was knocked out of Chance by the force of Blair's landing and for a moment he struggled to hold on to the slippery, writhing man. Rocking himself up and down Chance's enormous cock, Blair seemed oblivious and lost. Chance watched him, glorying in the raw beauty and stark need that was Blair.

The lack of air had prolonged the ride but now Chance was close to coming and Blair showed no sign of getting off any time soon. Reaching up, Chance tugged on the nipple ring, hard enough to elicit a half-scream, then they both were coming, bucking together as they panted to the finish.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It had been three days since he'd almost drowned. His feet were starting to heal and his back. His returning health meant very little to him. In fact, he missed the pain, it had been the only thing strong enough to act as counterpoint to the continual ache in his groin. It was the oddest thing, but every night he went to bed hard-no matter how many times Chance had taken him-and had the dream. The one where he ran from the panther, only to trip and be bathed by that sweet tongue. The tongue that brought him to the most shattering orgasms he'd ever experienced.

And the sleep that followed, deep and real, restoring some of his sanity, was a haven. There he was himself again. Filled with other desires, other needs, able to think and hope for something besides this hormonal and physical prison. It was a haven that lasted even after he woke.

Lasted until Chance touched him.

Blair did his best to stay out of Chance's way as he cooked breakfast and cleaned up. Trying not to be obvious, he kept the campfire between them, attempting to be helpful by gathering wood, staying always in sight.

Taking no chances, Blair was kept bound except when Chance was able to reassure himself with sight that Blair was safe and in place. Blair did his best in the morning to give Chance no reason to tie him.

Because as soon as Chance touched him, the balm of the dream was stripped away and he was thrown back into the nightmare, hard and needing, willing to do anything for a moment's reprieve from the pressure and pain.

Blair's determination to kill the nightmare by killing himself was as strong as ever and he waited for Chance to ease up and trust him enough to let him have some freedom. Their time in the glen was coming to a close as they were in need of supplies. Chance had spoken of some big motorcycle pow-wow he attended every year outside of Spokane. They would be heading there later today. It would be Blair's best opportunity. Chance would be greeting old friends and in the crowds there was bound to be a time when he'd be able to slip away.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jim checked himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved for the last three days and looked nicely disreputable, his hair starting to move from military to messy. The tee-shirt he wore was black and read, "Black Hills Classic" on the back in faded red letters. The jeans were tight, skin threatening to break through where the fabric was negligible. Picking up his leather jacket and saddlebags, he left the loft.

The motorcycle rally at Spirit Lake was starting tomorrow and he had hopes of finding the man they'd finally ID'd as Shawn Cullen. Ex-con who'd done time in Starksville for armed robbery. Before that, he'd been in the navy, dishonorably discharged. Why he had taken Blair was a mystery and it frightened Jim. Why Blair had gone voluntarily scared him even more.

The bike he rode had been set for auction, having been seized in a drug raid. It was a powerful Harley, old enough to be a classic, but well-maintained. The steady sound of the engine, the wind and tires spinning, nearly zoned him and Jim dialed down.

He wanted to think this journey had some purpose, that there was reason to hope but he knew it was unlikely to prove anymore fruitful than all the other ways he had searched for Blair.

He made it to Spirit Lake as the sun was going down. Held on private land, the gathering had been growing steadily the last five years, though it was nothing compared to Sturgis. Now on the first day, the large field was filled with men and their bikes, some with their ladies, most without. The women wore as little as possible and what they wore was leather. The men sported a little more variety in their clothing but not much.

After parking his bike in a line that seemed to hold hundreds, he wandered. It looked as if he wandered; in reality he carefully began to map the area. He used his vision to study the men farthest away, hiding his intent with his far-off gaze. Within a few hours he had canvassed the site and knew his quarry was not there.

God, he was tired. The last two weeks seemed like years, with sleep as evasive as Blair. The noise was deafening, even with the wax earplugs in, and Jim moved off into the forest with his saddlebags and bedroll, looking for a quieter place to bed down. Many others had already begun to claim turf and he kept moving deeper into the trees, knowing he'd never sleep if there was anyone within a few hundred feet.

He was a good mile from the center of the festivities before the noise was tolerable. He threw his bags down and made camp, skipping the comfort of a fire. He didn't want to draw attention to his location and no fire could offer any comfort at this point.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was past midnight when they made it to Spirit Lake. Blair had slept the last hour, less recovered than he'd thought. They had stopped in Tulene to get supplies and it had been a long trip. As they got off the bike, Chance kept a hold of his wrist and before Blair quite understood his intention, looped a piece of leather around it.

"Don't want you wandering off and getting into any trouble." Chance explained and gave it a tug, pulling Blair toward him. Blair hung his head to hide his anger, it would never do to let Chance know he was anything but acquiescent. The tug brought him tight to Chance's body and he couldn't help the low groan. A half day pressed against Chance had left him frantic for relief.

"I know baby. We should have stopped before we got here. It'll be damn difficult to get any privacy in this place." Chance rubbed Blair through his jeans, thinking to comfort, but Blair was appalled when he couldn't stop himself from thrusting into Chance's hand.

"Okay, look. Let's go over there." Chance pointed to a clump of bushes to the side. Tugging on the leash, he pulled Blair behind them and immediately began to undo Blair's jeans. Pushing them down, he moved behind Blair, putting on arm around his chest and took the weeping dick in hand, pumping it with efficiency. Blair hung in his arm, grateful for anything that eased his predicament, at the same time humiliated that he had to be taken care of before Chance could meet up with his friends.

It didn't take long until Blair silently shot his cum into the bushes. Chance reached down and pulled the jeans back up, missing Blair's blush at being treated like a three year old.

They moved out from behind the bushes and toward the center where campfires burned low and men sat in various circles, drinking and exchanging stories. Blair trailed Chance but the tension on his wrist never eased.

"Bodie!" Chance called out to a hulking man who seemed capable of crushing any motorcycle he got on.

"Cullen, you dog-faced asshole, 'bout time you showed up." Bodie encased Chance in a hug, making him almost disappear.

When he released Chance, he glanced over at Blair and asked, "Who's your little buddy?"

Chance pulled Blair forward and said, "Bucko, meet my old pal, Bodie." Blair was surprised by the new name but grateful he wasn't going to be called baby.

Sticking out his hand, expecting at least three broken fingers, he was surprised when Bodie's grip turned out to be gentle. "Pleased to meet you, Bodie."

"Likewise, kid. Any buddy of Shawn's is a friend of mine."

"Seen much of the old gang yet?"

"Yeah, well Neiman is here, and Calloway, and that dink Petrie. And you'll never guess who showed up on the back of Danziger's bike."

"Diane." Chance's voice was flat and Blair glanced over, surprised to see how white Chance had gotten.

"Yup, you got it in one."

"I can't believe that bitch...fuck, she's the last person I wanted to see."

"Well, hey, short of leaving, you ain't got no choice. She's hard to miss."

"Yeah, well, thanks for the warning. Look-I'm beat. What direction are you camped in?"

"I'm over by the lake. But you'll never get any sleep there. Head towards the house, that seems to be the quiet zone."

"Thanks, Bode. I'll catch you in the morning."

"Peace and power to the people." Bodie put his arm up in mock salute.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Chance found a place devoid of other campers and made camp.

"Come here." Chance called Blair over to the bedroll he'd laid out next to the tree. "I'm worn out, bucko, let's make this quick." Sliding his pants down, he motioned for Blair to take care of him and Blair fell to his knees, taking Chance's cock into his mouth. Entwining his hands in Blair's thick curls, he fucked his mouth, marveling at how he never tired of the kid's lips around his dick, never tired of seeing the kid on his knees. For his part, the kid never seemed to tire of taking it. He came and watched with satisfaction as Blair swallowed every bit.

The kid was dead on his feet, eyes half-closed as he knelt in the dirt, waiting for Chance to do him or put him to bed. Chance laid him on the bedroll and Blair put his hands in front of him. Quickly securing them together, Chance then tied them to the tree with enough slack so that Blair had no trouble getting comfortable. The ritual had been fought at first, but Chance held every card and soon it just became easier to accept than to fight and take the punishment, still ending up tied to a tree.

"You need anything?" Chance asked as he pulled off Blair's jeans and folded them, putting them under Blair's head as a pillow.

The never-ending erection was in full force but Chance was tired. The kid was always hard so why not skip the nightcap? Blair didn't ask and Chance stood, yawning.

"Night, baby. Sweet dreams."

Blair shifted, trying to put his hands on his throbbing cock. He couldn't without getting out of the sleeping bag and if he did that, he'd be unable to get back in without waking Chance. He tried to will sleep, knowing it would take care of the problem. Finally he dozed and found peace once again with his feline succubus.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jim was up early and prowled through the acres that made up the campsite. Surprisingly, there were a few other morning people awake and functioning. Jim found a group that welcomed and offered coffee, which he accepted with gratitude. He'd packed some basics but no equipment and the hot liquid warmed him.

He asked no questions, knowing there was no way to ask and remain above suspicion and no way anyone would have answered truthfully in any case. Bikers were not into being helpful on the whole.

People had arrived all through the night and the population had just about doubled. Jim kept a low profile, waiting for them to awaken so he could continue his search.

Several hours later, the field was filled with men and men on bikes. The dust was thick in the air and boom boxes blasted out distorted sounds nowhere close to being music. Jim's head was pounding from all the stimulation and he'd had to dial down his senses to less than normal just to stay on his feet.

^^^^^^^^^^^

Chance yanked on the leash, irritated that Blair had fallen behind. Stumbling, Blair caught up with Chance. "Keep up. I'd just as soon people didn't tune into this."

They were looking for Bodie and Calloway. Blair's stomach rumbled with hunger and he helped search for a man who should have stood out wherever he was.

"CHANCE!" A woman's shriek pierced the air and Chance froze, turning his back to the sound.

"Oh, shit. She found me. Look, I'm letting go, but you stay right here looking like you don't know me. Understand?"

Blair nodded and took the leather lead from Chance, putting it up his sleeve. He watched as the woman came running, throwing herself into Chance's arms.

"Ohhh, Chance, baby, I can't believe you're here! I've missed you so!"

She was blonde, nearly six feet tall, and still looked petite next to Chance. Dressed in a tiny leather halter that only covered a third of her substantial breasts. Her bikini bottom was simply a leather patch tied in an ingenious manner that looked ready to slip at any moment.

Chance looked at her with a mixture of fear and longing and Blair wondered what the story was.

Grateful that Chance's attention was off him for the first time since the drowning, Blair looked around, wondering what he could do with this moment. His goal was to lose himself in the crowd and find his way out. There was bound to be a way to end this. A gun could be found, or a knife. The lake was close by, he could try that again.

The crowd crested around him and when it ebbed, he let himself be swept away from Chance, who was deep in conversation with the woman who could only be Diane. Blair was still in his morning grace period and he allowed himself to enjoy the crisp morning air that was suffused with wood smoke laced with the aroma of marijuana.

Keeping his eyes on the ground, both to avoid engaging anyone's attention as well as to keep an eye out for a weapon, Blair moved away from Chance.

Bikers slept grouped around campfires that smoldered and the few that were awake stumbled around, looking for friends, food or bushes to use as a latrine. Blair walked slowly, his gait awkward as he tried to manage the pain in his feet. The near somnambulant state of those upright served to keep him safe and unnoticed as he scanned the belongings scattered on the ground.

By late in the morning, Blair had just about given up finding a weapon. He eyed the lake with dread, wondering if he had what it took to submit to the water a third time. As he shuffled closer to the water, he saw a man heading that way as well, towel in hand. There was no one else near the area and Blair quickly dropped down by the bather's belongings and started searching. In one of the bags he found the gun he'd been looking for. Checking to make sure it was loaded, he quickly reached back and tucked it in back in his waistband, covering it with his shirt, moving away before the man looked back.

Feeling better than he had since all this had begun, Blair gazed around. It was a beautiful day, the air tinged with the cold of coming winter. It created a sharp clear sky, the kind that seemed to promise clarity in all things. Knowing he didn't have much time, that Chance would be searching for him, Blair looked for some place to hide. He wanted some time to think and he needed time to remember. It was all he had left of what his life had been.

The forest was far denser on the other side of the lake and Blair made his way towards it.

Imperative Hunger =8=

Damn that kid! Five minutes with Diane and he was gone. This was no place for the kid to be on his own, not with his track record. Seeing Diane again had brought back so many memories, so many dreams and so much pain. He'd really wanted to turn around and lose himself in Blair's bright blue eyes.

He needed to get rid of the taste of Diane's mouth on his and Blair was the best eraser he knew. With him, everything else fell away. There was just his luscious mouth and his tight ass and the way he was always, always ready to be taken. And now the kid had wandered off. The thought of the kind of harm that could come to Blair made Chance start running, yelling for Bodie. Within minutes he had four men on the alert. If someone hurt the kid they'd have him to answer to.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It wasn't hopeless but damn close. Jim had searched all morning, hampered by his need to keep his senses in check. Twice he'd zoned, once while using sight, another time when scenting the air. Luckily his vacant state had been ignored by men used to seeing all manner of drug reactions and he had come out of them quickly. Still, he couldn't risk another and so was forced to search the old-fashioned way.

His headache had gotten much worse, the pain making him stagger and nearly go down. A woman who had been passing, reached out and kept him upright.

"You all right, hon?" She was his height and nearly naked, a long expanse of tanned, taut skin, interrupted by the littlest bits of leather.

"Uh, yeah, head. hurts." It felt like it had been days since he'd attempted speech.

"There's a lot of that going around. Want help getting to your flop?"

"No, no...I'm looking-I lost my friend and I can't find him, need to find him."

"Got separated, huh? What's he look like?"

Jim tried to stand a little taller but found himself still hunched over. The headache was brutal in its intensity.

"He looks-beautiful." Damn, did he just blurt that out?

"Ohhh, it's like that. Lover's quarrel. Well, come on, let's find this beautiful friend. Tell me something a little more specific..."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Leaning his head back on the rough bark of the tree, Blair took a deep breath. There was peace in this place. His dick was relaxed and that in itself was a miracle.

Many a morning he had awakened after the dream-- the dream and the orgasm-- and had felt hope that some kind of normalcy was possible. And always that hope had been dashed by the first brush of Chance's hand across his crotch, followed by the surge of need so great it literally took him to his knees. And on his knees he would let his mouth be fucked or his ass pounded hoping that there would be an ending to the pressure, an ending to the ache that never seemed to lessen, only to grow until there was nothing else.

If he got away, could he find a doctor who would understand and help? What help could he hope for? Drugs? Castration?

Nature had gone wrong and like a cancer, this thing in him was mutating his cells, hijacking normal hormonal production, making him into something new, something alien. Something quite outside of polite society. Something he didn't want to be.

Blair closed his eyes and thought of Jim. Even before the imperative had kicked in, he had loved the man. It had been a gradual thing, a thousand little jokes, pats, gestures...a thousand small moments between them of connection, recognition and comfort. The more Blair had been with Jim, the more he saw the raw courage it took for Jim to trust him, trust himself, trust his senses.

There was always pain in the wings, waiting to strike as he opened himself up and allowed himself to be flooded with data. Yet he did it, again and again. Did it to protect his people, did it to do his job and did it because he had come to accept it was what he was. Inescapable. Painfully undeniable.

He hoped the bodacious red-head who was taking his place would protect his sentinel, would do her job. Jim deserved the best back-up possible, but all Blair could do now was trust nature to get it right this time.

It seemed fitting that he would meditate before he let this world go. He was deep into his trance state when he was grabbed and hauled up. Disorientated, he struggled to get loose. A man he didn't know had a hold of him. Blair's fist connected with his attacker's nose with a sharp crack that told Blair he'd managed to break it. From the looks of the guy, it wouldn't be the first time.

A roar of pain and then a fist smashed into his face, creating an explosion of pain beneath his right eye. Sagging from the sudden agony, Blair slipped back to his knees, only to feel a heavy blow to his ribs as the man kicked him. And kicked him again, sending him careening into a tree. The gun fell to the ground and Blair left it for now. Trying to get his feet under him, he waited for the next blows. Before another could land, there was a yell and Blair looked up to see Chance rushing the guy.

"You son of a bitch. I told you to find him, not hurt him. I'm gonna kill you Neiman."

Chance was already pounding away at Neiman, landing blow after blow as Neiman tried to explain.

"He-hit, umph, Cullen-stop-"

"Chance, hold up." Blair tried to call a halt to the fight. Chance ignored him. Pushing away from the tree, Blair moved toward the grappling men. Each step hurt and the world seemed to shift up and down, the ground moving erratically.

"It was an accident, I hit him, he just reacted." Blair's words weren't loud enough to penetrate the fight. Finally close enough, Blair latched unto the fist that Chance was about to let fly into Neiman's face.

"STOP!"

Chance stopped, his attention now on Blair. "What happened? Why did you wander off? Jesus Christ, Neiman could have pulverized you. Let me look at you." Chance's litany ended as he held Blair's head and tilted his face to look at the swollen and already blackening eye.

His touch did what it always did, set off small explosions inside Blair and he was swept back into the place he thought he was leaving behind forever. He moaned and Chance knew it was not a moan of pain but one of desire. Shooting Neiman a look of rage, he snarled, "Get out of my sight."

As soon as Neiman left, he lowered Blair to the ground. Scooting behind him, he leaned Blair against his chest and began to unfasten his jeans. Blair lifted his hips and helped Chance free his painfully hard erection. Chance nuzzled the hair at Blair's neck, seeking skin.

"God, baby, I was so worried about you. What do you need? Tell me what you want?"

Blair knew only one need. "Fuck me. Oh, God, please Chance, fuck me."

"You got it baby." Blair was pushed forward as Chance divested himself of his jeans and shoved a condom on his cock. He maneuvered Blair until he lay across his legs, then spread his cheeks. Blair felt cool, slippery fingers enter him, fingers that quickly warmed and moved, preparing him. It hurt his ribs to lay the way he was, but he didn't care. Opening his legs farther, he tried to hurry the process and nearly cried in relief when Chance pulled him back up. Soon he'd ride that colossal shaft. He'd be filled by hard flesh and then hot cum. Despair lurked in the corners of his mind. He'd be filled but it wouldn't work. Nothing worked to take the ache away. Still, in the moment, his body refused to let go of its hope that this time things would be different.

Chance started out gently, but as Blair groaned and squirmed, he let loose, fucking Blair as if he meant to break him. Early on, the violence of the slamming and the pain in his side made breathing hard and by the end he was unconscious from lack of air, every part of him limp except his cock. As Chance came, he pumped Blair, taking him with him into orgasm.

Chance looked down at Blair, who was slowly stirring back to life. He lay sprawled on Chance's lap, and already the kid was getting hard again, though Chance felt like he'd just expelled every sperm in his body. Blair was a mess, hair tangled around his head, eye blackened and swollen, butt naked. The gash on his back was just beginning to scab.

Blair looked up at Chance and then down to the limp cock that was in his face. His tongue darted out and licked it, then opened in silent begging, asking for it. Knowing there was little point, but also knowing how much the kid craved it, he nudged his exhausted dick into Blair's mouth. Blair closed his eyes and began to suck, gentle rhythmic suckings that relaxed Chance completely.

He let the kid work him as he thought about ways to punish him for getting lost. It was absurdly easy to discipline the kid. One just got him going and left him hanging. But Chance wanted to think of something with a little more flair.

Pulling Blair off his prize, he relished the confused look in his eyes. Blair's mouth still opened and closed as if it still held Chance's cock and he strained to get back to it. Chance held him away from it easily, enjoying how pretty Blair's mouth was. Blair's tongue was coming out, trying to reach the cock it needed. The tongue licked the full lips and seemed to add its own plea for fulfillment. Chance roughly traced Blair's lips with his thumb and laughed as Blair tried unsuccessfully to capture it.

"What am I going to do with you? You are such a slut, baby. I swear I could give you to Bodie and you'd do him and ask for more. Should I do that, baby? Should I give you to my posse and let them try and give you enough?"

Blair shook his head, panic and shame in his eyes and tried to break contact.

"No, please, no."

"No?"

"No. Please. I'll stay put. I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're gonna be sorry. That I promise you. Get dressed. I've been looking for you all afternoon and I'm starving."

"Okay." Blair gathered his jeans and shuffled over to the tree for support. The gun lay in the leaves and as Blair bent to get his foot in the leg of the Jeans, he picked it up. Chance was getting his own clothes back on and didn't notice the furtive movements. The gun felt heavy as he brought it to his head and Blair fought to keep it steady. Before he got it all the way up, Chance shouted. "Baby! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Before he could answer, another voice was shouting. "Blair! PUT IT DOWN!"

Blair looked up to see Jim standing a few feet from Chance, his arm around Diane.

Blair's first thought was, 'She's not a red-head, how unexpected.' The next was, 'What a coincidence that Jim's new guide should be Chance's old girlfriend. Fitting in some convoluted way.' Third was, 'He'll try to stop me.' Swinging the gun around to cover them, Blair backed away.

Jim had pushed away from Diane and was looking from Chance to Blair, noting the pants that had yet to be fastened, smelling the cum and blood that filled the air.

"What the fuck did you do to him?" he snarled at Chance, then swung his attention back to Blair. "Sandburg, are you all right?"

It felt odd to be called Sandburg after weeks of being baby or kid, or the occasional Blair. He felt so very disconnected to Sandburg that he didn't answer, concentrating on keeping the gun up and the two men away from him.

"Who the fuck are you?" Chance asked, edging closer to Blair. Jim moved in on Chance. Blair thought it was now or never and brought the gun to his temple. Jim's attention was riveted on Chance, and he didn't see, but Chance was horrified and lunged forward.

Jim, thinking that he was about to attack Blair, leaped at Chance. All three collided, the gun discharging, Diane's cry filling the air.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Blair? Blair!" Jim's frantic pleadings were having no effect. All Blair knew was that he was still alive and he still had the gun, Scrambling away, he put some distance between himself, and the two men who tormented him. Even now he was hard and the blood pounding through him made it difficult for him to think.

"St-stay back." He waved the gun and both men inched back.

"Blair-"

"Baby-"

Their voices a small choir, pleading for understanding. And what was there for him to say? I'm glad you found a guide you could fuck? She looks nice?

By the way, I've become Chance's whore? I seem to be incapable of being anything else these days?

He didn't want any of that resounding in his ears as his heart beat for the last time. Slowly he backed away, needing to be out of rushing distance. Before he could bring the gun up again, Jim spoke.

"I love you. Don't-"

Blair made a sound halfway between a snort and a sob. "Love me? Don't do this man, don't lie to me at the end." Blair's voice was flat.

"I'm not lying. I wouldn't lie to you." Jim took a step forward, and Blair took one back, lifting the gun closer to his head. Jim froze.

"You don't-well, even if you did-you won't any--you still can't-" Blair's ramblings were broken by a sob. "You can't even bear to touch me, and I can't make it anymore without touch."

//I can't make it anymore without being fucked ten times a day.//

"Oh, God-Blair, you have no idea how much I want to touch you-but, shit-I let myself-I let everything that had gone on before get in the way-I was scared-whatever the hell is happening to you is happening to me, too."

"You feel it?" For the first time Blair's voice held a note of hope. "You feel the imperative?"

"I don't know about the imperative. I feel hard-- hard thinking about you-all goddamn day. You're all I think about. Doing it with you is all I think about."

Chance had listened to the conversation, baffled about what the hell they were talking about but glad whatever the guy was saying, it seemed to be keeping Blair from offing himself. Diane was standing next to him, sobbing and clutching at him.

"Jesus, baby, put the gun down." Blair ignored Chance's order, looking instead at Jim, trying to read the truth there. Jim was regarding him gravely, waiting to hear if he deserved to be believed.

"You're not just saying this to stop me, are you? Because I swear to God, if you are-" Blair fell to his knees, "--if you are-- I'll just do it tomorrow." And Blair lowered the gun, too tired to keep it up, too tired to know what the truth was.

Jim approached him slowly, not convinced the danger was past but when Blair didn't raise the gun again, he rushed to kneel beside Blair and take him in his arms. Blair crumpled nearly taking Jim with him. Holding on to his friend, his love, his guide, he sat down, cradling the semi-conscious man close to his chest and carefully took the gun out of Blair's hand.

Before setting it down, he looked at Chance, standing with the woman who had helped him find Blair. He had his arm around her and was trying to calm her hysterics which were quiet, but forceful.

"You know this guy?" Jim asked and she nodded, then hiccupped her answer. "He's-he's my husband."

"Husband?" Jim looked down at Blair, and he knew what Cullen had just done to his friend.

"Why'd you hit him?" Jim didn't want to let go of Blair, or he would have asked Cullen after he'd smashed the guy's face in. There was time for that yet. There was nowhere this guy could go to get away from him and his retribution.

"I didn't hit him. Neiman hit him and I hit Neiman. Shhh, Diane, he's gonna be all right."

Diane's nerves clearly were not handling the day's events, and Chance had his hands full trying to calm her down.

"I thought you'd been shot. I'd thought you'd been killed. Oh, my God, Shawn, I couldn't bear it if I never saw you again."

"You couldn't?" It was clearly news to Chance.

"No, I couldn't, you big dope." She smacked his chest in frustration at his obtuseness.

"Then why the hell did you go off with Danziger?"

"After our last fight-" She was cut off from her explanation by Chance's mouth covering hers.

"Go find a doctor." Jim issued the order to give himself time alone with Blair. He hardly expected there to be any kind of doctor here, but it would give them a reason to leave and that was all he wanted at this point.

Blair was quiet in his arms, too quiet. None of this made any sense.

"Did he rape you?"

Blair ducked his head down further. "no." Whispered, the denial had to be believed.

"You-you had sex with him?"

"yes."

Jim's gut clenched at the whispered word. "You love him?"

"no."

Jim relaxed a fraction.

"So someone just beat you and then you decided to fuck Cullen in the middle of 2000 people?"

"yes." Blair lay passively in his arms, yet was tensed as if for flight. Jim tightened his hold and Blair moaned, his hips lifting.

"What the hell?" Jim finally tuned into the hard bulge and the head of Blair's erection, peeking out past his waistband.

"You just fucked Cullen and you want some more?" A sneer permeated his words.

"not want. need. please..."

Jim put his fingers under Blair's chin and tilted his eyes up and was shocked at what he saw. Pain, foremost, and shame, as well as disgust mixed with silent begging.

His own cock was throbbing, but that was understandable, he'd been without any since Blair had left the loft. Lying Blair down on the ground, he unzipped Blair's pants, freeing the monster hard-on. Jim put his hand around it and Blair screamed, coming in a sudden rush. The sperm shot out a foot and pumped for twenty seconds before Blair finally subsided.

Shocked by Blair's orgasm, Jim found his need growing. Instead of relaxing, Blair's eyes were screwed tightly shut and he was still rock hard. He held himself very still, and it was clear the effort was costing him.

"i'm sorry. i can't-i'm-it's not the same for you, i can tell-you-you have control. i-the pain is-more-...and i'll do anything to be free of it-i did everything---i let Chance fuck-no...i begged him to fuck me-you have to know what I am now." Blair kept his head down, refusing to look at Jim.

As the scope of what Blair had told him sank in, Jim shoved Blair off his lap, ignoring the gasp of pain as Blair's ribs protested landing on hard ground. Picking up the gun he'd taken out of Blair's hand, he looked down at the man sprawled in the dirt.

His pants were around his knees, his cock jutting out in a fierce salute. His shirt had gotten rucked up and Jim could see the purpling all ready appearing on Blair's torso. One nipple, pierced with a silver ring was also visible and Jim swallowed at the sight. Drawn to Blair despite what he'd just learned, Jim reached out a hand and tugged on it. The moan that ensued enflamed him further and he tugged harder, delighted by the pain he heard mixed in with the sensual response. Blair's eyes were closed, as if he couldn't watch what was happening. Jim set the gun back down and knelt over Blair.

"Open your eyes." Jim's voice was hard and commanding and Blair did as he was told.

"So you're a slut." Jim contemplated the man beneath him. Blair's beauty had always made him just a little uncomfortable. Not just his beauty but his innate sensuality. But it had come in a tidy heterosexual box. A tidy, slightly geeky, woman loving box. And it had been hard enough then, to ignore the way he felt when Blair had been contained in that box. Now that he knew Blair was turned on by men he was having a hard time keeping himself in check. Rage burbled through him, he would not lose it again, he would not love someone he needed.

"Answer me."

"no." A tug on the ring, a moan, a lift of the hips. "yes."

"And you'll do anything?"

Blair turned his face away, but Jim grasped his chin and swiveled it back.

"You'll do anything?"

"yes."

"I just bet. You fucked Cullen and who else? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. You were so hot for him you left the hospital. I smelled your cum all over the bed. What? You got horny just thinking about your lover boy and you had to jack off?"

As Jim asked each question he tugged on the nipple ring, bringing Blair's body off the ground each time. Blair's mouth opened and closed as if he would answer, but no words came out.

"Not anymore you won't. Only me. You got that, Sandburg?"

Jim was surprised by the look of happiness that came into Blair's face.

"Yes."

Dismissing that look as further evidence of Blair's nature, Jim tried to sort through all the messages going through his overloaded brain. He wanted to fuck Blair right here, right now, but he was loath to let the little slut have that kind of power over him. Better that Sandburg know right now whose command he was under.

It had always bothered him, that he needed Sandburg to help him handle his senses, but he'd made the best of it. Now it looked like he needed him sexually and the only bright side to that was that Sandburg looked like he needed Jim even more. He was laying in the dirt, hard and leaking, a hopeful look on his face. Jim's own erection was digging into his jeans, but he ignored it.

"Get your pants on and zip up." Jim picked up the gun and tucked it in back of his pants and stood. Blair slowly got to his knees and struggled to stand and pull his pants up, each movement making Jim aware of the pain he was in from the beating Blair had been given.

Never had he felt the rush of emotions washing through him and colliding with each other as they fought for dominance. Tenderness and rage, anger and love, disgust and longing, need and pride....and underneath them all, the urge to possess.

But one never could truly possess another, never count on another's love or loyalty...people were fickle, they needed variety and change-- and men who loved women always loved women. Blair was offering that sweet ass now, but it wouldn't last. He'd give Jim a taste and then he'd laugh as he walked away, the way Jack had. Jim's hands tightened into fists.

He'd take some of that sweet ass, but he'd show Blair-he'd make sure-what...what would he make sure of? Jim shook his head trying to clear it. His thoughts were almost indecipherable, buzzing around in his head, like a fly caught in a bottle. Last time he'd sought to show Blair, to make Blair...he'd left. In the middle of the night he'd walked out of the loft with nothing but the clothes he'd been wearing-so great was his need to get away from Jim. How the hell could he hope to keep Blair with him for any amount of time?

"Why'd you go?"

Blair looked up, confused by the sudden question. "From the hospital?"

"No, from the loft."

Blair hesitated, then started to explain. "I-I knew you didn't want to do-do what we were doing. I knew I was-sick-and that you-were trying to-give me what I needed, but it wasn't what you wanted. And it didn't seem right to ask you to do it, but I couldn't stay and not ask you, because when I'm near you--" //near any man who touches you, slut// the voice in Blair's head demanded he be honest, if only with himself-"I can't help the way I feel."

"Don't confuse hormones and feelings, Sandburg."

Blair looked up, about to argue that it wasn't hormones, when Jim's closed face and his own voice told him to shut up. The fact that he loved Jim was really beside the point. There was no way that Jim would welcome that information now, no way that he wanted the love of someone like him. Blair would have to make do with whatever he could get. Any time with he got with Jim, any amount of touch, any relief, was a gift.

His fingers clumsy, Blair tried to finish dressing, but the zipper snagged. Jim pushed his hand away impatiently and took care of the problem. Blair stood absolutely still, barely breathing, commanding his body not to respond. He managed, but the pain was building and only by biting his lip was he able to stifle a groan.

Jim buttoned the jeans and looked up to see Blair stiff, eyes wide and blood trickling from his mouth, where one sharp, white tooth had bitten through his lip. Drawn to the sight of the bloody, lush mouth, Jim leaned down and licked at the blood, tingling as the metallic taste filled his mouth. Licking and then kissing, he felt compelled to explore that dark space that had launched so many theories.

Blair opened willing, allowing him access, his tongue tentatively trying to do its own exploring.

Jim groaned with the delight of having his senses filled with Blair's taste, his scent, his touch. It was like being immersed in liquid heat, soothing and arousing at the same time. There was a roaring in his head and he knew he must be hurting Blair's ribs as he crushed the smaller man to him, but he couldn't contain his need to be as close as possible to Blair. He needed to absorb him through his skin, needed to feel his warm skin and the blood flowing beneath it. Despite whatever pain Sandburg might be in, he was accepting the tight hold, his arms around Jim's back clutching at the bunched muscles.

The little slut was going to get his way, there was no way Jim could hold back now. There was anger and joy in that knowledge. Jim pushed Blair away a little, intending to unfasten the very jeans he'd just zipped up. Blair's small cry of protest brought a smile to Jim's face. It wasn't a very nice smile. Soon Sandburg would get what he'd been asking for.

Before Jim could signal his intentions, their secluded spot was invaded. Chance was back, Diane still at his side, accompanied two other goons. He reached for the gun but another man was already behind him, grabbing his arm, twisting it upwards with a vicious jerk. Jim looked back to see a man roughly the size of Sumi wrestler, but all muscle.

The gun was removed and tossed to Chance, who caught it easily and brought it to bear on Jim.

Stepping forward, Blair put himself between Jim and Chance raising his hands in an attempt to calm the situation. "Uh, Chance, put the gun away, man."

Chance had been looking at Jim with blazing eyes and now he turned them to Blair. "You telling me what to do, baby?" Blair shook his head and Chance motioned with the gun. "Get over here."

Shaking his head no, Blair stayed between the two men, not trusting what would happen next.

"Did you just say no?" The words were incredulous. It had been a long time since Blair had said no. "You're gonna be real sorry you said that, baby. Real sorry. Now get over here before I make lover-boy sorry as well."

The mountain ratcheted Jim's arm another notch and Jim tried to stifle a scream. He wasn't successful. Blair hurried to Chance's side, and put his hand on Chance's arm.

"Please don't hurt him. I'm sorry I said no. Just leave him out of it."

"'Fraid I can't do that, baby."

"Shawn, what are you planning? Let it go, we don't need any trouble." Diane was clinging to his other arm, trying to get through to her husband.

"Neiman, get her out of her. In fact, take Bucko here with you and do what you have to make sure he stays with you. I'll join you shortly."

Neiman grinned, his broken nose made him look like a cartoon, but the look he gave Blair was anything but funny. "I'll take care of 'Baby' for you, real good care."

Chance never took his eyes off Jim and so missed the way Neiman was responding to his request. "Good."

Neiman moved off, shoving Blair ahead of him. Blair kept turning to look back until Neiman took a hold of his hair and pulled his head forward.

That left Chance, the mountain, and another guy who looked just as dangerous but not quite as big.

"You must be Jim." Chance began conversationally. "Bodie, keep a good grip."

Jim stayed quiet, wondering what Blair had said about him, about them.

"You broke him in real nice for me. I had a little trouble getting him to shift his obedience to me, but we have it pretty much worked out. He's a good bitch. But you know that. You know how hot his mouth is, what a sweet ass he has and man, can he take it. I have to thank you."

As Chance began speaking, Jim had tried to lunge forward but was stopped by the agonizing pain that shot through his arm. Chance simply smiled at Jim's display of temper. "Want him back now, do you?"

The sounds Jim was making were close to growling and Chance laughed out loud. "Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, relax or you'll bust a blood vessel. Now that Diane is back, I might be willing to give him up. For a price. On your knees." When Jim didn't move to comply, Bodie shoved him down.

Chance let that sink in. He wanted to see what this Jim was made of, wanted to break him...but feared that with Diane in the picture he would have to step carefully or risk her flight. It was a lot harder than he would have thought-- choosing between Blair and Diane. Diane would never be half the bitch Blair was. She'd never take it the way Blair did and crawl back, begging for more.

But he wasn't in prison anymore and the men he rode with, while enjoying the occasional male morsel, would never understand an attachment, would never understand his choosing Blair over a woman like Diane.

And he loved Diane. She was a hell of a woman, able to hold her own, proud, fierce in her loyalty, great in the sack. So Blair had to go. But not before he had a little more fun. He'd have to make it clear to Neiman to keep her out of the way, because she was sure to disapprove. Somehow in helping Jim find Blair she'd already formed a bond with the man at his feet.

"Tie his hands, Bodie." The big man pulled out a scrap of fabric and knelt down, deftly winding the material around and tying it in a tight knot.

"Hold his head." Big beefy hands grabbed each side of Jim's face and squeezed. Chance unzipped his pants and came forward, pulling his dick out. It was limp, testimony to how little Chance was turned on by the man kneeling in front of him. Stroking himself, he said, "You suck me off good and I'll give you back your little friend. You refuse, or bite and I will sell Blair to the Outriders and his life will be hell. Your choice, Jim, what'll it be?"

Jim had been set to resist, the idea of sucking Chance off while he knelt in the dirt making him nauseous. But there was no doubt that Chance would do as he threatened and Jim knew what that meant. He knew he'd find Blair eventually but he couldn't risk the things they would do to a man they'd paid good cash for before Jim found him. He opened his mouth and let it be filled with Chance's half-hard cock.

"Suck it, get me hard, Jim." Jim sucked, trying to keep from smelling the man's crotch pressed into his face, trying not to taste the thing in his mouth. Breathing carefully he tried to turn the dials down low. Chance started thrusting and Bodie held his head tightly between his two massive hands. Chance fucked Jim's mouth slowly, enjoying the sounds that came when he hit the back of his throat, enjoying the way Jim swayed back and forth with each thrust. After awhile he quickened the pace, jamming his swollen shaft in and out at greater speed. He could see that Jim was having a hard time breathing and was turning slightly blue. He eased out, letting Jim catch his breath and moving on to the final act in his revenge.

"Bodie, take his dick out." Bodie reached around Jim, whose chest was heaving with the effort to get air into his lungs. He unbuttoned Jim's pants and pulled them down along with the boxers.

Jim blushed at having his erection exposed.

"See, Bodie, Jimmy's a player. Take him in hand and let him join the party."

Bodie smeared some of the leaking juice from the head and his big fist closed around Jim's cock. As he started to pump it, Chance moved back into place and lifted Jim's head.

"Open wide, sugar." Chance's penis prodded at Jim's closed lips, demanding they open. Jim shuddered, the action on his cock bringing him ever closer to the edge.

"Watch it, Bode, don't let the fun end too fast." Bodie chuckled in Jim's ear and squeezed his dick right under the head, pulling Jim back from the brink. With one hand on his cock, Bodie brought his other hand back to Jim's head, tilting it back up.

"Open." He commanded harshly and dug his thumb into Jim's cheek. The pain made him open and Chance immediately shoved his cock back inside, fucking Jim's face, grunting with the effort.

Chance closed his eyes, loving the feel of his dick being sucked on by Blair's Jim. He gasped and then he was coming, yelling and shoving his cock down as far as it could go. Bodie quickened his jerking action and just as Jim began to pass out from lack of oxygen, he came, his body spasming, his cock pulsing hot cum all over Bodie's hand.

The End

Feedback of any kind would be lovely. Positive, negative, anywhere in between. Writing a story like this, going way out there, is kind of scary. I would like to know I'm not alone.. Calistaecho@hotmail.com