TITLE: Augustus Hill is a Big Liar

AUTHOR: Annie

DISTRIBUTION: EmCity. Anywhere else, just ask first.

RATING: R for language

SPOILERS: Season one

SUMMARY/NOTES: As I was watching the first episode, I got to wondering: What might have happened if Dino Ortolani had survived being set on fire? And since I couldn't get the idea out of my head, I had to get down what I had. It's not been betaed and I may not continue it, but I had to purge the idea anyway.

FEEDBACK: Does anyone actually say that don't want feedback?

Augustus Hill is a Big Liar
by Annie

Hill once told me what dying felt like. He said when he got shot in the back he died for a few seconds before the docs revived him or some shit like that and he woke up three days later with no feeling in his legs or dick and staring at a murder one rap. He liked the dying part better.

He said that whole shit about the white light and stuff is bullshit. That it's really all dark and there ain't no dead family members waving you forward to the pearly gates. But he said it was warm and like floating in a pool or the ocean when it's late in the summer and the water feel like a
bath. And he said you can't move your arms and legs and stuff but that's cool because you don't need to. You just need to float along to wherever you're going. He didn't know where that was, but he guessed he was heading straight to Hell.

Augustus Hill is a big liar. Death don't feel like that at all, except the not being able to move your legs and arms part and it being dark. But it's cold and the darkness is scary as fucking shit. And I can feel everything. I mean EVERY-fucking-THING. I can feel the blood drying on my face and the sharp pain from the needle Doc Nathan jabbed into me and the bruises from McManus holding down my legs.

I wonder if Sanchez feels like this. If he can feel all the sores on his face from the AIDS or the rawness of his ass from shitting himself every day. He and I ain't that different. I can see that now, since we're both dead. We both got the royal fuck you from life and we both wanted to check out. He used me and I used him to get what we both wanted. I just didn't think it would be this fucking dark.

I can hear things too. Whispering, detached voices coming from the darkness. At first, they were voices I knew. McManus. Nathan. I thought I heard that fucking nigger Johnny Post too. But why would I hear these people when I was dead? Didn't make sense. I just ignore it and try to find the floating Hill talked about. Lying motherfucking crip.

I keep thinking I can take it back. That I can just say, "I didn't know it'd be like this!" and I'd wake up somewhere in Oz, beat to shit but still fucking ALIVE. Because even the numbing boredom of Oz is better than being in this darkness, being so Goddamned cold and hearing voices of people I
don't wanna hear.

Dripping. On my face, on my body. I briefly wonder why it's raining when I'm dead before it starts to itch and sting like fucking acid. And then the heat flares and I KNOW I've made it to Hell and all the books about it aren't lying. I burn.

**********

Four days later....

Gloria Nathan was finishing up some paperwork when Tim McManus knocked on her office door, stepping in before she had a chance to invite him. He looked haggard. The past few weeks had been hard on him. Hard on them all. He sank into the other chair with a sigh and waited for her to speak.

"Dino Ortolani's going to live," she said without preamble.

He was surprised. "You're kidding. Gloria, I saw him!"

"Yeah, so did I, remember?" she snapped. "I don't know how he did it, but he survived. And the doctors at the burn unit say he's out of immediate danger of infection. He'll be back here in a year or so. Sooner, if the staff there can convince me to do his rehab here."

He leaned forward to her battered desk and pillowed his head on his arms. "How bad off will he be when he returns?" His voice sounded muffled and distant in his ears.

"He suffered third degree burns over 50% of his face and body. Skin grafts will help some of that, but he'll never win any beauty contests again. He'll be an easy target for everyone."

"Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier for everyone if he had died."

She looked troubled. "I think Dino would agree with you on that. Tim, he WANTED to die. Everything he did, provoking fights with Jefferson Keane's brother, suffocating Sanchez, it was all a way for him to bring about his own death. And he's been cheated of that. When he comes back to Oz, IF he survives more than a couple of weeks, he's going to be either suicidal still or looking for vengeance against those who kept him from dying the first time."

McManus raises his head. "Which means---"

She nodded, sharing his thoughts. "Which means you and I could be targets for his rage. And Sister Pete too, since she was coming to see him when Post and Healy set him on fire."

"I'll warn her."

"That's not enough, Tim. I'm not really worried about me or you or even Sister Pete. I'm worried about Dino Ortolani. He's a powderkeg and the fuse was lit a LONG time ago."

"I get you, Gloria, I really do," he said, frustrated. "But what can we do now?"

"Nothing. Just wait. And hope that the attempt on his life gave him a change of heart."

"Do you really think that will be the case?"

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and refused to look him in the eyes. "No, I don't."

END PART 1