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Body and/or Soul
by Dawn
Mornin' darlin'. Ready for the big day?
What the..? Logan? What? Where?
Remy?
I'm not... Oh my God!
Rem? What's the matter?
I'm not Remy.
Sure look like it to me.
I'm not Remy! Stop touching me!
Fine! If you're not Remy, and trust me, you look, sound, feel and smell like him. Then who are you?
Jean.
Not funny.
Am I laughing? Look I don't know what happened but I am Jean!
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Morning Sweetheart. Big day today.
Happiest day of my ...What the hell? Where? Why?
Jean? What's the matter?
Jean? I'm not Jean!
Calm down. What do you mean you're not Jean?
Remy is Remy, not Jean.
Remy?
Yes, Remy.
Nice cleavage.
What? Merde! What the hell happened to me?
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Scott! Oh Scott!
Jean! What happened? Are you all right?
I don't know, I just don't know! I fell asleep in my own body and woke up in Remys.
Wouldn't have been doin' what I was doin' if I knew it was Jeanie.
Keep your hands off my wife!
Logan! Cher!
Sorry Cyke, your wife is housing my fiancé. You okay darlin?
Well, scared the shit outta me seeing the fearless leader the first thing. Didn't think I drank that much last night!
We need to talk to the professor. Maybe he can fix this.
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Well, look on the bright side, you can wear the dress to match the bridesmaids.
Not funny Logan.
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What can I do? The professor had no idea what happened.
Jean, I love you, but I hate the thought of Logan putting his hands on your body.
And you don't want to touch me because I'm in a mans body. Scott, I need you to hold me! Me! Not the body.
I'm sorry Jean. Come here. This is just a bit overwhelming I guess.
Um, Scott, have you ever thought about, well, I mean....
What?
Would you kiss me? I mean I know I'm technically a man now but could you?
Sure, um, sure. I could kiss you, I mean you're still Jean, even if you're in Gambits body, and I still love you....
Please.
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Hank! You won't believe what I just saw!!!
Calm down Robert. Until you tell me, whether or not I believe you or not would be a moot point, don't you think?
It was unbelievable! Good thing I had my camera.
Enlighten me please Bobby, before you do yourself corporal impairment jumping around like that.
Scott and Remy were Kissing!
Robert! That is not....
I have pictures! Proof!
Digital?
You betcha!
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You ain't secretly hopen I'll never get back to my own body are you?
I'm just hopping One-Eye ain't stupid enough to touch your body till we get you and Jeanie figured out.
So, you don't want a quick fuck to see what you've been missing then?
I love you Remy. If I was to fuck you now it would be to fuck you, not Jean's body. It's who's in it that matters.
But Scott can't touch Remy's body even with Jean in it?
Not if he wants to live with all his parts intact.
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Oh my stars and garters!
So, does this mean the weddings off?
I don't know the answer to that question, but I for one will not be the one to ask.
So, do we tell Wolverine?
Not I Robert, not I.
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I'm sorry about the wedding. Do you want me to talk to the guests for you, well, considering?
Weddings not off homme.
You can't be serious!
Remy serious. The weddings at eight, Remy will be married by eight thirty.
Don't you want to at least postpone the wedding until this thing is resolved?
What if it's never? What if Remy be in dis femmes body forever? What den Scott?
This can't be forever!
Guess you gonna have to start thinking about changes in you love life, eh?
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Logan, what are you going to do?
Get married.
You can't be serious!
I'm not marrin' Gumbo for his body! Well, it was a lot of fun, and damn, I wouldn't mind having it back, but it's Remy that I'm marring.
You love him very much.
Yeah.
You know, you'll have to consider birth control now. I wonder how Remy will feel about getting pregnant?
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Scott. You know how I prefer to remain at a discreet distance and not meddle into the private affairs of others, but I'm afraid, and somewhat astonished and disillusioned, that I feel it is my duty to my friends to approach you with this delicate and somewhat dishonorable matter.
What has you so concerned Hank?
Well, it's just, I'm afraid I'm at a loss. Here, look.
Where did you get these?
Where is not significant. We have been friends and teammates for many years and I have known you to be an honorable and yes, noble, man, but this, this...Well, it just isn't like you.
It's not what you're thinking Hank.
So that's not a picture of you and Remy? And on he and Logan's wedding day?
It's Jean.
Perhaps you should come with me to the medical lab. I believe I need to check for head wounds.
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So Cher, we really gonna do this?
I'm willin'.
And it's because you love me right?
Oh yeah.
I guess I'd better get to town then.
What for?
Do you think I'm gonna wear Jeans gown? It makes my butt look huge! Why did she get one with that awful bow?
She said you picked it out.
I didn't say I minded if it makes her butt look big, but it's my butt now.
Ha!That a fact?
I wanna look my best for you Cher.
Vanity, thy name is Gambit.
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Logan and Jean? Has the whole world gone crazy?
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No Robert. I do not wish to see any more pictures.
But Hank....
No and that is final.
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I don't know what's wrong with my dress. I'm just going to wear your tux.
But, your dress is yellow Cheri. It's a beautiful dress and it's beautiful on you, me, whatever, but if I'm going to be a "bride" I want to wear white.
White?
Don't you think red would be a bit much with your - my - Our hair?
A bit much, but fitting.
Very funny, Cheri, very funny.
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So Remy is Jean and Jean is Remy. Fascinating.
I just wish I knew what caused this. I want to help them both.
So are we giving a formal announcement to the guests?
I haven't heard anything from Logan or Gambit about how they wish to handle this.
I will talk to them. Plus, I believe they will both need to hear a firm reminder about birth control. Do you wish to have a talk with our dear Cyclops or do you wish me to?
Would you? Perhaps if you approached him as a doctor it would be less embarrassing for him.
Of course, after all, if, no when, we find a way to reverse this I'm sure each party would like their body returned the same way they left it. I had better make a note to talk to Remy about piercing and tattoos. You don't think Jean? No.
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The hairdresser, makeup, a manicure and a pedicure. Dis all?
Well, you said you wanted to look like a bride.
I liked it better when I was messin everything up, not putting it all together.
A woman's life isn't easy.
You're not gonna be cuttin' Remys hair off like Scott's, are you Cheri?
No. I like it long. It's much more feminine.
Not nice Jean.
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Logan, there you are my friend. I wonder if I may have a few words with you?
Just a few? Shoot Hank.
I was talking with the Professor about the unfortunate and untimely events and we were wondering what you would like the guests to be told about the ceremony?
Nothin. Unless you want to tell them that it really will be Remy up there, not Jean.
So, you're not canceling?
Nope. Took us long enough to get this far, not doin' it again.
Don't you think it would be better....
Look, I told Jeanie and I'll tell you. I'm marring Remy. I don't care what he looks like, it's still him.
That's a very beautiful sentiment. I do hope that you have talked with all parties involved.
Do you think Cyke would rather I marry Remy's body with Jean inside or Jean's body with Remy inside?
Good point.
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Why don't you wait for me here Cheri.
Where are you going?
To get me some unmentionables to wear under my gown.
Some naughty undies, hmm, I do believe Logan will like that.
Just making the best of it Cheri. Although wearing what I used to like seeing on de femmes does seem a bit weird.
Just think about me. That's going to be even stranger.
Huh. If Scott can be anything like Logan you in for a wild ride. Maybe I should pick out something for you?
What you would rather be wearing for Logan?
Plus a few things you and Scott are gonna need.
Maybe I'll wait at Harry's.
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Scott! First let me apologize for my behavior earlier. I made some rather hasty accusations without all for the facts. I questioned you morals and honor when I should have approached you more delicately and let you explain.
No problem Hank. I would have jumped to the same conclusions; after all you had pictures.
Yes, well, please say you'll except my most humble apologies.
Of course.
After speaking with the Professor, I talked to Logan. It seems he is quite determined to continue with the wedding.
I know. Remy feels the same.
How do you feel about all of this?
I understand. They love each other. I wouldn't want to postpone my wedding indefinably.
I wasn't just speaking of the wedding.
I want my wife back Hank. I love her, no matter what, but I'm not gay. I'm not sure I can, well, that I can. And the thought of Logan making love to Jean's body! I'm jealous, because it should only be me.
You have very logical concerns, but remember, it's Jean you love. She'll be facing the loss of her womanhood, the chance for children. She wouldn't be able to handle losing you too.
I know that Hank. I know.
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Have you seen Remy or Jean?
Nope I haven't Wolvster.
Don't call me that Drake.
Wedding at eight?
Yep.
Good, good. Well, nope haven't seen either one, all day, nope I haven't. Not a soul.
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So, do I want to see what you got?
For me or for you?
Both.
Let's get back to the mansion, I don't wanna know if I still blush.
You or me?
Both.
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You look beautiful darlin'.
Logan! You ain't suppose to see the bride before the wedding!
Why not?
It's bad luck.
How much worse can it get?
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Was that Jean I heard?
Remy. Him and Jean just got back.
Talk to you later then.
You might not want to interrupt. They ran upstairs like a couple a teenagers.
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My God! They have these at the mall?
Remy know how to shop for de ladies, non?
They're scandalous!
Logan will like.
I wonder of Scott would have?
We'll go shoppin again when we get our own bodies back and you can find out.
Do you think that will happen?
As much as I liked bein with de femmes, I never wanted to be one. Plus you'll find out that there are pleasures only to be had as a man.
I'm not sure I will find out.
Scotty loves you Cheri. He'll figure it out, plus you help him, non?
You body can still blush.
I see it can do something else too. What's going through you pretty, I mean handsome head now? Naughty thoughts on using Remy's body?
Well, just never you mind. Now what did you get for me?
Here you go.
Do you wear these?
Of course.
I wonder if I could get Scott to?
Never could get Logan to no matter how much he like seein Remy.
Logan? In these? I would pay to see that.
With his ass you not be the only one.
Oh my. I should have kept my eyes open this morning.
Then you never tell him you not me.
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Jean, honey, you in there?
Just a minute.
I need to get my tux.
Here. I'm going to be helping Remy get ready okay?
Sure. I love you Jean, you know that right?
I know Scott. I love you too. We'll work this all out. We've faced worse.
I know. See you later.
My kiss?
Sorry. I need a little time. I'll get better. Soon you won't have to remind
me.
I know. I love you.
Love you too.
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Guess I'm ready.
You look stunning Remy. I've never seen me look better, well except perhaps at my own wedding.
Well you looking rather handsome yourself. Course you just have to get used to looking that way all the time.
Just one more thing. Here.
What's this?
Take one now, and then one every morning. See Hank when you run out.
These are birth control pills!
Do you want to get pregnant? While I wouldn't mind missing labor, I would like my DNA to mix with Scott's.
Pregnant! Merde! Bein a woman ain't easy.
Wait till you get my period.
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Ready Logan?
As I'll ever be. Is it time?
A little early. I would like to explain to everyone why you are marring my wife.
Remy.
My wife's body.
Don't start.
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Logan? Scott? Are you ready?
Sure thing Chuck. Scotty here wants to say a few words first.
Perhaps it would be better coming from me.
That sounds fine Professor.
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Everyone, first of all I would like to thank you for joining us on this joyous occasion. Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful event, a joining of two lives, two hearts, no matter to whom those hearts should belong. However this being a marriage of two X-men, we should all expect the unexpected. In this case a most surprising occurrence took place. It seems Remy and Jean experienced an unexplained phenomenon of switching bodies. So when you see Logan and Remy exchanging their vows you will see Jean's body, but know that it inhabited by Remy's soul.
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Hank, is this for real?
Yes Bobby, it happened sometime before everyone awoke.
That explains it! So I guess Scott's gay now and Logan's straight.
I don't know if either definition truly applies. Love will prevail between two hearts regardless I believe.
Yeah. I guess. It's not gonna happen to me is it?
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Time to go Remy, that's our cue.
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Remy! Are you okay darlin?
What? Who? I'm Jean!
Jean?
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Jean! My God, Jean are you all right?
Huh? Scott? Not again.
Remy? Is that you?
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I'm happy yer back Rem.
Not as happy as I am Cher.
Love ya.
Love you too.
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I'm so glad you're back Jean.
It was quite the day but I'm happy to be back.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I understood. I wasn't so sure about it myself. I will say that I did learn a few things though.
Yeah? Like what?
Remy's got a really nice body.
Jean!
Well, I had to change.
I don't want to hear this.
And I really have to go shopping with him more often. You'll even agree to that.
Will I?
Oh yes. You might even want to thank him later.
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Everyone, I would like to propose a toast. To our very happy couple. May today be the most surprising of their lives together....
end