SquidgeWorld Archive

Gibbs saw the shadow by his door and reacted accordingly. Normally this would mean drawing his weapon and ordering the figure to identify itself. But in spite of the limited illumination from the streetlights, he was able to recognize who it was lurking by his doorstep.

"It's late, DiNozzo," said Gibbs as he moved towards the front door. "What ya doing here?"

"Waiting for you, Boss," said Tony, stretching slightly as he stood up a bit straighter.

"Something up?" A thought struck Gibbs, "Is Abby okay?"

"She's fine...McGee took her home, said he'd spend the night at her place until she settled."

Gibbs grunted his approval as he opened his front door. Walking into the hallway, he was surprised when Tony didn't immediately follow him. Looking around he asked, "You planning on staying out there all night?"

Tony shrugged, then followed Gibbs as far as the kitchen.

Gibbs didn't say anything as he grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured two glasses. He knew Tony, knew him inside and out...literally...and it didn't take a genius to know that there was something on DiNozzo's mind. Of course many people would pretend surprise that Tony had a mind in the first place. Gibbs didn't have a lot of time for those people. Anybody who looked at Tony and failed to recognize the smarts lurking behind the façade of shallowness he projected...well let's just say that Gibbs wouldn't exactly rate them highly as investigators.

But that wasn't the point right now. What was the point, was that Tony had something bothering him, and when one of his people was bothered, Gibbs got bothered too...unless of course he was the one bothering them.

"You got something to say, Tony?" said Gibbs, finally, as he raised his glass. "Just spit it out."

As it happened, Gibbs was the one who ended up spitting when he heard Tony say, "You gave McGee a calendar."

"What?"

"The calendar...that stupid little desk calendar with all the crappy platitudes. You gave it to *McGee*..."

Gibbs blinked. Even after knowing Tony for so long, the younger man still occasionally managed to surprise him. "It was just a desk calendar Tony. I don't know, it was some sort of free thing, got stuffed through my letterbox one day. I was going to throw it out, but I thought somebody might appreciate it."

"And that somebody was *McGee*?" Tony knocked back his drink and poured himself a second.

"Well you sure as hell didn't. And I hope you picked up all those paper balls you were chucking around."

Tony slammed his glass back on the table. "Don't change the subject. It's not *about* the calendar."

"Then what the hell is it about? Look Tony, I've had a long couple of days...we *all* have. I've been worried sick about Abby, and I'm not in the mood to play guessing games with you all night. If it's not about the calendar, then what the hell *is* is about?"

"You don't give me flowers."

"What?" Gibbs couldn't hide the exasperation in his voice.

"You don't give me anything like that. You give McGee a calendar, you keep Abby force fed with Caf-Pow, but all I get is a smack on the head if I'm lucky."

"Tony..."

Tony continued as if Gibbs hadn't said anything. "And I know you've said it all before, how we have to be careful, how we don't want to make it look like you're treating me as anything other than an agent...how if the Director finds out we're more than just colleagues then our jobs could be on the line...and I know all that, and believe me, I understand it...I just wish...I just wish that it didn't have to be that way." His shoulders slumped. "I know it's the way it has to be...I knew what I was getting into when we first hooked up...I just..." Tony sighed heavily, "Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so complicated." He looked up at Gibbs, "You know that sometimes I say stuff, stuff that I know is gonna earn me a smack on the head, and I still say it, because I know that's the only time you'll touch me in public...the only time I can feel your hand against mine when other people are watching. And I do it because I can't bear to go another minute without touching you or having you touching me. "

"I didn't know you felt this way, Tony." And Gibbs cursed himself silently. He who was so smug about his abilities as an investigator...he who prided himself on his ability to get beyond the façade...he who had been so confident that Tony couldn't keep any secrets from him. How could he not have noticed what had clearly been eating away at Tony for some time. Gibbs took the glass from Tony and put it on the table beside his own, before taking Tony's face in his hands. "I know I don't say this very often Tony...but I am sorry...I'm sorry that you feel that way...that *I* made you feel that way. I wish that the world could be different...that we didn't have to be so careful. I wish that I could believe that going public with our relationship wouldn't hurt our jobs...but as long as Jenny Shepherd is the Director, I don't trust her to look kindly on it." Gibbs hushed Tony's protests with a gentle kiss before continuing, "And it's not simple homophobia, she'd be pissed no matter *who* I was in love with. But what she doesn't know can't hurt us, can't hurt my team. And I'll do anything to protect my people...no matter how much it hurts."

"You're in love with me?" Tony's voice was shaking.

"I always have been," Gibbs kept one hand cupping Tony's cheek as he used his other one to pull him closer. "Tony, I've never been great for showing my feelings. All this hearts and flowers romantic crap. It's not me. I don't send people roses or gifts or things like that to show my feelings for them...I prefer actions, not meaningless gestures..." Gibbs was silent for a few seconds before continuing, "But if that's what you want...if that's what you need to remind you how I feel...just say the word and I'll do...whatever you want..."

Tony just pulled him closer, letting his head fall upon Gibbs's shoulder. "All I want...all I need is you."

"You have me."

They stood there entwined for several minutes before Tony added, "And a box of chocolates every now and then wouldn't hurt either." He smiled happily as he received the expected swat.