SquidgeWorld Archive

It's funny. I never would have guessed that I would find myself in this position. But here I am, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Me, William the Bloody, understudy to the scourge of Europe, killer of two Slayers, is taking orders from one of the good guys. And enjoying it.

Now, some take one look at me and dismiss any possibility that I could be submissive to anyone. They don't really understand what's going on here. Sure, I'm submitting to her will, but at the same time, *I* am forcing *her* to step beyond what she had previously considered her safe zone. And that is another sort of power.

I'm sure you've heard the facts about the beginning -- the ice cream, the request for a repeat, the first instruction. She really didn't expect my response, and she definitely didn't expect her own response to my actions.

I should probably explain why I started this. I'm not really sure myself. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. I like chocolate chip mint ice cream, but I didn't feel like going to the kitchen for a bowl of my own. She cooperated, and as I licked the spoon, I had to grin at the situation. She was feeding me like a child. I wondered if she would feed her own children -- or nieces or nephews -- the same way or if she would play aeroplane with them. She would be a good mom, especially if Oz was the dad. He really needs to be a daddy some day.

That's when I looked away from her and to Oz. He was watching me. Just watching -- no jealousy or fear. This time, I wondered what kind of reaction a kiss would get. I moved closer to the two of them, considering whom to kiss. I could feel him tense -- jealousy now reared its ugly head -- as I neared her, so I pressed my lips against his. I tried to get him to respond by parting my lips and stroking his with my tongue, but Willow's gasp distracted me. I pulled away. Definitely not what he expected, and he didn't seem to know how to respond. Then Willow spoke up, and that's when everything went haywire. But in a good way.

People tend to have the wrong impression about relationships like ours. Just because I bluster and swagger, they assume that there's no way I would let someone else tell me what to do. But the key is finding the *right* someone. And it's a relief to not have to decide what to do sometimes, to have to posture and be the personification of the image created over the years. I just have to do what she says. And she wouldn't tell me to do something that would cause harm to myself or others, so I trust her completely. It's rare to have this level of faith in someone. Dru had it in me.

And, as sad as it is to admit, she had it in Angelus. Sure, I took care of her, at least as long as I was mobile, but he was the one who gave her directives that she was more than happy to follow. He probably has more to do with this thing than anyone else. He and I had a punishing relationship. He ordered me around, and if I failed to follow his orders, he expressed his displeasure physically. I was made a vampire because he wanted a drinking buddy and someone to command, not because he wanted a friend. With him, I followed his orders out of fear of what he would do to me if I disobeyed. With Willow, I do what she says because of the joy she gets when she sees the results of her displays of power. General Public knew what they were talking about when they sang, "Without tenderness, there's something missing."

She thinks she's getting the best out of the deal. I'm willing to argue that. She gets to order me around. I get to see and hear her fighting that "good girl" thing that was pounded into her ever since she was too young to understand what the words meant. I'm the reason she has to find a way to put these ideas into words if she wants them to become reality. And I get to witness her realization that power fits her like an Ella Fitzgerald torch song.

And Oz. Well, he gets a girlfriend who is discovering just how sexual she is. That first night, I got to hear exactly what "hard, fast, and against the wall" sounds like to a non-participant. And I had the honor -- and it truly was an honor -- of realizing that I was largely to blame for what was happening. True, I heard a lot of that after Angelus came back, but this was different. Angelus didn't love Dru. He loved the power he felt ordering her around and hurting me. Oz only has one thing on his mind. Willow. He reminds me of Lloyd Dobler in _Say Anything_. Except not as nervous. And now that I think about it, Willow has more than a little Diane Court in her. Smart, beautiful, and completely unaware of how incredible she is, but she managed to find a guy who thinks about her and her only. Yeah, laugh all you want. I watched that movie. It made Willow happy. What makes Willow happy makes Oz happy.

And, besides, he's far more understanding and accepting of this than any other boyfriend could be. Not to mention one hell of a kisser. And a great lay. So I have a great interest in keeping him happy as well.