Title: A Mile In His Moccasins

Author: Gileswench

Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com

Date: 4/22/02

Spoilers: Through As You Were

Summary: When Buffy and Giles switch bodies, they both learn to see things from a different perspective

Rating: NC17

Pairing: Buffy/Giles, mention of Buffy/Spike, but it's over at this point

Category: Romance

Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.

Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

Notes: This story comes to you courtesy of Ragna's welcome back Gloveslap #103, which reads as follows: "And for Da Wench, if she should return. I will not be evil, and make you write Riley/Angelus. Lord knows that's *my* punishment. However, I want something... different... from your normal Giles/Buffy fare. I want Giles and Buffy to switch bodies. They have to hook up, too, while in each other's bodies. I mean I want an explicit sex scene in which the sensations of being a female in a male's body during sex are described in lurid detail."

DEDICATION: To Ragna, for tempting me back to the Stoners fold with this enticing challenge, and to all my fellow Stoners, especially THE fabulous Collie whose insane idea YGTS? was in the first place. And last, but not least, to Rari for her occasionally brutal, but always insightful (or is that inciteful?) betaing.

Rupert Giles sat sullenly across the desk from Quentin Travers. Giles had never cared much for the man in all the years they'd been colleagues, but at least he'd been able to understand the man's agenda. This was not anything he'd expected.

"You really think I'm going back there? Do you have any idea what you're asking of me?"

"I'm asking that you go back and earn the paycheck we give you, Rupert. I'm asking you to do the thing you seemed so keen on doing this time last year. I'm asking you to go back and watch your Slayer the way you're meant to."

"Buffy doesn't need a Watcher."

"Nonsense, Giles. Every Slayer needs a Watcher, and your Buffy does seem to have her heart set on having you for the job. We fired you, you stayed. We threatened to have you bodily removed and she managed to force our hands so we had to give you two years back salary. She died and you stayed. You'd barely given up and come home when she was back and you were on the next plane to California. We pay you to keep an eye on her and train her, not to mope about Bath ignoring your duties."

"Send someone else, then, and I'll do research or training or some such here."

"Don't think we didn't try. I have personally offered Miss Summers two different Watchers, and she turned both down. I won't repeat what she said. Suffice it to say that her vocabulary remains...colorful. I even offered to send you back."

"I take it her reply was equally colorful?"

"No, but it was illuminating. She didn't say a word; just rang off without so much as a by your leave. I don't pretend to know what sort of quarrel you two have had, but it ends now. The last thing we need is another mentally unstable Slayer."

"Buffy is not Faith."

"No, she isn't. Not yet. And I intend to see that she stays that way. Your flight leaves tomorrow at ten in the morning. You can stay the night here in Council rooms. Anything you need can be sent on to you. You do have your passport with you, do you not?" At Giles' sour glare, Travers allowed himself a smug little smile. "Never mind, we'll just send someone round to fetch it, shall we?"

*****

Giles hated flying. It wasn't because he was afraid the plane would crash or be hijacked to someplace unpleasant, or even the prospect of being trapped in a metal cylinder for hours at a time with no escape. No, it was a far more prosaic reason than that.

There was never enough legroom.

A transatlantic flight always left him stiff and in pain, and that always left him in a temper.

Not to mention that he invariably ended up on the flight with a small unruly child or a squalling baby seated near him. This time it was both. A young mother traveling halfway across the globe with a boy of about six and an infant in arms was seated right across the aisle from him. The boy wriggled and fussed while the baby howled and the mother became more and more frazzled.

Giles shifted uncomfortably again and tried to concentrate on the papers Travers had sent with him about a new demon threat coming to Sunnydale. The last thing he needed to think about was children.

A strange feeling prompted Giles to look up from his papers. He found himself being regarded by the little boy who had decided to come sit next to him while his mother tried unsuccessfully to quiet the baby.

"Will you read me a story?"

"I - a story? I'm afraid I haven't any stories to read that you'd find interesting."

"What's that, then?" The boy pointed a slightly grubby finger at the precious documents spread in Giles' lap. Involuntarily, Giles pulled them out of the child's reach.

"Something grown up that your mum wouldn't want you to hear. Why don't you go back to your seat?"

"It's not as loud here. Zoe won't stop crying. Mummy says it's because her ears hurt. If I could go where I couldn't hear it I would."

"So would I," Giles admitted. "But we can't always do that, can we?"

"Mummy says if I was Zoe, I'd do the same thing, but I don't think I would. Would you?"

"I hope not, but I rather think I might."

"Why?"

"Well, because...Zoe's a baby and she doesn't have any other way of letting people know she's hurt and angry and wants it to stop. As she gets older, she'll learn other ways to cope with her problems."

"It's a stupid way."

"There are worse."

"If I was her, I'd just say."

"If you were her, she'd be sitting next to me right now telling me she would never be so stupid as to yell her head off if she were you. And that's exactly what you'd be doing."

"I'd never!"

"There's a saying among a tribe of American Indians. They say you can never really know a person until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."

"What's a moccasins?"

"A sort of shoe."

The boy frowned as he tried to puzzle out the meaning.

"So if I put on your shoes, I'll know all about you?"

Giles couldn't repress a small smile at the boy's literal interpretation of the phrase.

"It means you can't fully understand someone you're not, so it's best to try not to judge them too harshly."

The mother across the aisle had finally managed to soothe the baby to sleep. She looked up at Giles with a grateful expression.

"Come back here, Antony, and don't disturb the nice man anymore. Now thank Mr...?"

"Giles. Rupert Giles."

"Thanks Mr. Giles," Antony parroted dutifully as he returned to his mother's side.

"Yes, thank you," the mother said quite a bit more sincerely. "I hope he wasn't a bother to you."

"Not at all. In fact, we had a most intriguing philosophical discussion."

The mother smiled and shook her head.

"Your kids are lucky, aren't they? To have such an involved father. My Tim forgets they were born now they're here."

"Oh, I - I haven't any children," Giles stammered.

"I'm sorry. I just assumed, since you were so good with Antony. You seemed like a professional."

"Merely a talented amateur, I assure you."

He gifted Antony's mother with a dazzling smile and returned to his research.

The demon in question looked particularly nasty, but was mainly harmful for the spells it cast when it felt threatened. The spells were unpredictable in nature and effectiveness. Watchers of previous Slayers had written of effects as diverse as felling the Slayer with bolts of lightning to giving her a mild cold that made her lose the beast as she sneezed uncontrollably. As far as he could tell, there was no way to predict what sort of spell might be thrown. The only way to avoid the beasts' magic was to catch it completely unaware.

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. While Buffy had many strengths, subtlety was not one of them.

This whole situation was bound to get worse before it got better.

*****

Part 2

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy sighed as she rinsed the final plate and placed it in the rack to drain. Now all she had to do was take out the garbage, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, decide which of the five bills that had appeared in the previous day's mail absolutely had to be paid immediately, write the checks for them, and scrub the toilet before it was time to get into her uniform and go to work. At least she'd managed to cook breakfast and feed Dawn before she had to go to school.

"It just never ends, does it?" she grumbled to herself.

Once she got back from work, she would have to do a quick patrol and then come home to another round of dishes and dropped clothing and garbage and yardwork and window washing and all the things she'd simply taken for granted would be done just a year before.

"How did you do it, Mom?" she wondered.

Of course, it had helped that there had been an adequate household income in her mother's day. There had even been a period before Joyce's illness when there had been a maid service once a week to take care of things like scrubbing in the bathroom and heavy duty vacuuming. Now it was a matter of dealing with whatever was growing mold and playing Russian Roulette with the bills.

Giles' fairy godmother check had long gone to full copper repiping and paying the mortgage.

As for Giles himself...no, she couldn't let herself go there. If she let herself think about it, she would hurt, and then she wouldn't be strong enough to deal with all the things that needed her immediate attention. Things like garbage.

She gathered up the bags and headed to front door. She flung the door open and headed out, head down, only to collide into something solid. The obstruction went down with a muffled 'oof' and Buffy stood staring at something she'd never thought she'd see again: her Watcher sprawled on the ground knocked unconscious.

*****

When Giles came to he found he'd been moved inside and laid on the sofa. Buffy was applying a damp washcloth to his forehead.

"I see you're back," she said in a carefully neutral voice.

"Yes, thanks. Did you carry me in here all by yourself?"

"Will helped. I can deal with the weight, but you're too bulky for me to heave you around without either a hand from someone else or a lot of bruises for you. What brings you back to the Hellmouth?"

"I am your Watcher."

"Could've fooled me."

For the first time, Giles heard the bitterness in her voice. Not for the first time, he mentally kicked himself for not calling and testing the waters before coming over.

"I know you must be upset with me, Buffy..."

"Upset? Maybe looking for a different word here. Maybe something like furious. Or possibly not interested." She tossed the washcloth into a basin of water with a splash that overflowed the sides and sloshed onto the carpet. Buffy stood and took the water into the kitchen. when she returned, she held a steaming mug in her hand. "Sit up. I made you some tea."

Giles reached for the mug gratefully and took a sip. He smiled. A dash of milk and one spoon of sugar. She'd made it just right.

"Thank you."

Buffy shrugged. "I figured you'd need it after that tumble. I could take you to the ER if you want. I think I have time before work."

"No, that's all right. No major damage done, I think. Bit of a headache, but I've had my share of those."

The silence grew uncomfortable as Giles sipped his tea and Buffy stared at him resentfully. Her body was curled in on itself defensively on the farthest chair she could find from him.

"So do I get an explanation or are you just going to walk back into my life like you never left?"

Giles set his mug down on the coffee table and rubbed his chin as he collected his thoughts.

"The Council has decided that you do need a Watcher, after all. I know you know this, because Quentin Travers told me he'd spoken to you on the matter."

"And he knows I told him what he can do with his Council and every Watcher in it."

"Yes, so he told me," Giles said failing utterly to suppress a smile. "But he insisted, and since we've worked together well in the past..."

"Operative word 'past', Giles."

"I'm sorry I left, Buffy, but I really felt I had no choice."

"Did you have one in coming back?"

"No. It was this or a disciplinary hearing and unemployment followed by a general blacklisting from every worthy job I might apply for," he told her bluntly. "I won't lie to you. This was in no way my idea, and I fought against it. I felt you needed more time on your own. But I am glad to see you again. I've...um...I've missed you. More than I realized I would, even."

Buffy looked steadily at the floor.

"Where are you staying?"

"I haven't arranged a room yet."

Buffy shrugged.

"Why pay for a hotel? I've got a couch."

"I wouldn't want to impose..."

"Giles, I'm trying here. Don't make me want to hit you more than I do already."

"Who could resist such an invitation?" Giles observed with a wry half smile. "All right, I'll stay, but just for tonight. I don't mind admitting I'm pretty tired from my flight."

"Yeah. Jet lag's a bitch, I hear. Look, I gotta go get changed for work. You could...maybe take a nap if you want. You can even use my room after I go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's okay."

She stood. So did he. They looked at one another awkwardly for a moment. At last Buffy moved to the stairs. She stopped midway up and turned to him again.

"Help yourself if you want some more tea or something. You know where everything is."

Giles watched until she'd finished mounting the stairs and could no longer be seen. He moved to the kitchen. Another cup of tea would be soothing.

*****

"Hey! Buffy! Pick up the pace!"

Buffy looked up, startled.

"I'm sorry, Lorraine. I - I was just...thinking."

"Think about the customers, Buffy."

"Sure. Right. 'Cause that's the Doublemeat way," Buffy smiled, hoping it would impress her boss.

"That's the spirit. Why don't you take over the counter now?"

"Great."

Her smile faded when she saw who was at the front of the line.

"Spike, what are you doing here?" she whispered angrily.

"Got a break coming up, pet? I want to talk."

"I told you it's over. We have nothing to talk about."

"Because you say it's over? What about my feelings?"

Buffy closed her eyes and willed herself not to hit the vampire.

"I have a job to do. You're keeping me from doing it. Go away."

She smiled as brightly as she could and craned her neck around Spike.

"Next, please!"

Spike glared at her.

"This isn't over, Blondie."

He swept out of the restaurant, taking several packets of condiments with him, just because. As soon as he was gone, Buffy let out a relieved sigh. When she looked up, Lorraine was there beside her.

"You need to tell your boyfriend not to visit you at work. You have more important things to do right now."

"He's not my - I mean, I'll tell him. Again. He's not very good at listening."

"Or maybe you're not very good at understanding I mean this. No boyfriends at work."

Lorraine returned to her office. Buffy counted to ten under her breath. She needed this job. She didn't dare lose it in a fit of anger. She pasted on another bright smile and turned back to the line waiting for service.

"May I take your order, please?"

*****

Despite the fatigue of a long flight and yet another knock on the head, Giles found he was too restless to take the nap Buffy had suggested. He wandered from room to room for a while seeing what had changed and what remained the way he remembered it. Some familiar items had disappeared, including several reminders of Joyce. Other things were new and spoke of the youthful tastes and limited budget of the current inhabitants.

When he reached Buffy's bedroom door he laid his hand on it, but didn't open the door. True, she'd told him he could go in, but he didn't feel as if he had the right yet. Not until she had forgiven him.

He turned and went downstairs. He'd been at loose ends before, and recently, but this was different. This was being in someone else's house, and it felt almost as if he was intruding simply by being there at all, let alone when none of the residents were about. Had it really been less than a year since he'd felt as though he belonged in this house as much as the people who actually lived here?

Memories filled his head of spending time in these rooms with Buffy and Dawn and Joyce. Then Buffy and Dawn. And finally with Dawn and Willow and Tara. Then with Buffy again, but no longer comfortably. Their sense of camaraderie had died with her, and wasn't revived when she was.

A sudden desire not to think combined with a habit of trying to be useful and occupied at all times made him decide to do a bit of cleaning while he waited for someone to return.

Perhaps if Buffy came home to a sparkling house and a home cooked meal, she would be less inclined to be angry with him.

*****

Part 3

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

As Buffy trudged wearily home she considered Giles' return yet again. It was clear that he didn't want to be in Sunnydale anymore than she was willing to admit she wanted him around.

Or did she?

Part of her did. But part of her didn't. Part of her wanted the safety and comfort that had always been Giles. The one who kept believing in her no matter what dumb mistakes she made, the one who made things right and gave her what she needed to beat the bad things.

But he'd made himself one of the not safe things when he'd left her. If she let him in, he might pull yet another rug out from under her feet and she wasn't sure she'd be able to take another betrayal.

She stopped in her tracks and sighed. She was too tired to deal with this tonight.

"I said it's over, Spike. When are you going to listen to me?"

"When you say what you mean for once."

"I do mean it."

"Then why are you just standing there? Why won't you even look at me when you say it? Why can I smell you -"

"Stop it! No smelling. And really no nothing else. Please."

"Please, she says?" Spike laughed. "Polite was never your style. Don't try to start now. I told you we weren't finished. I have things to say. Now, you can hear me out right here and now or I can come by your place a bit later and tell your friends what you've been up to. What's it gonna be?"

"Fine. Say what you have to say and go away. I have to get Dawn's dinner home to her. And no smushing it this time. We're not going to do that again. Ever."

"Oh yes we are. You won't be able to help yourself. Doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you don't want it, you do."

"And sometimes I want to throw myself off a bridge, but I figured out that's not good for me and neither are you. Look, I'm tired and Dawn is probably hungry and her dinner's getting cold."

"And I'm sure she's just sitting home with her salivary glands going all into overdrive for another Doublemeat burger. She doesn't want it."

"It isn't a burger. It's the Chicken Strips."

"Yeah. Big improvement."

"It's what I can do."

Spike shook his head.

"You never were any good at anything but the Slaying, were you?"

"Is that what you came to tell me? Can I go now?"

"Fine. Go on."

Buffy took a step forward only to find Spike moving to block her path.

"Y'know," he said, "you're really something. Just break up with a guy without ever even letting your friends know you were shagging the daylights out of him. Maybe I should take a little jaunt to Los Angeles and let your one true love know what you did with me."

"Angel would stake you and you know it. Are we done?"

"You really don't get it, do you? We're not done. We'll never be done."

"I have to go. Let me through."

Spike stepped aside.

"It's not over. You remember that."

He sauntered off in the direction of his crypt. Buffy watched him go with a racing heart. She fought down the tiny part of her that wanted to run after him and make him make her forget everything. She turned her steps for home and willed herself to move in that direction instead.

*****

When she got home, Buffy heard voices in the dining room. She shrugged off her coat and headed there with the Doublemeat bag in her hand for Dawn. Buffy blinked when she walked into the room.

Giles sat at the head of the table with Dawn on one side and Willow on the other. They were just finishing up a meal. Giles looked up and smiled softly at her.

"Buffy. I hope you don't mind, but we didn't wait. Sit down and I'll get your plate."

"You made dinner?"

"Earning my keep, as it were. Go on, sit down."

Buffy sat with a thump.

"I guess I didn't need to bring this home," she said as she put down the fast food bag in front of Dawn. "I thought you didn't have any dinner."

"Hey, I was surprised too. Nobody told me Giles was coming back. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't know. Nobody told me, either."

Giles came back and put a plate of food in front of Buffy.

"Here you are. I hope you like it. I was experimenting a bit. There was a rather...unusual assortment in the refrigerator. Still. There it is."

"I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping this week."

"Well maybe you can go tomorrow," Willow suggested. "You're on the late shift, right?"

"It's a double shift. But I could go the day after."

"Sure. I think we can make it till then. Buffy, I'm gonna go to The Bronze. Mind if I take Dawnie? She finished her homework. Maybe you could even come after patrol?"

"Sure. You guys go. I probably won't show, though. Long day. And another tomorrow."

"And I'm guessing maybe some Watcher/Slayer stuff. I mean, they wouldn't have sent Giles back here if there wasn't mystical stuff going on you need to know about."

"Yes, there is that," Giles agreed. "But I'm sure if Buffy wanted to have a coffee and hear a bit of music that we could still manage to talk afterward. Or I could patrol with you. Kill two birds with one stone."

"Go with me? You haven't done that in forever."

"Would it be all right?"

With Willow and Dawn nodding encouragingly, Buffy felt she had no choice.

"Sure. Great. The more the merrier."

"Hey, maybe you can even talk Giles into coming to The Bronze after," Dawn suggested. "Y'know, celebrate that he's here."

"We'll see. I don't know if I'm going yet."

Willow and Dawn left quickly after that with a few more pleas to both Buffy and Giles that they come along to the club after patrol. As soon as they were gone, Buffy shoved her plate away and stood.

"I didn't think it was that bad," Giles observed.

"No. Just...I'm not hungry. That daily Doublemeat Medley really fills you up. And hey, it's my one perk so I take it."

"How are things, really?"

"Okay. Things are okay."

Giles decided not to push the question for the moment. After a moment Buffy spoke again.

"Thanks. For doing that. I know Dawn is sick of fast food, but it's...fast. I don't always have time to cook now I'm working."

"I did a few other things while I was at it. I hope you don't mind."

"Like what?"

"A spot of cleaning. And a bit of gardening. I left the laundry, though. I wasn't certain if anything needed special handling."

"Wow. All that in one day."

"I had the time." He ran a hand through his hair. "You know, Buffy, if you do a little bit every day, it all gets done and frightening things don't grow behind the toilet."

He smiled slightly to let her know he wasn't scolding her.

Every muscle in her body stiffened. How dare he tell her how easy it was?

"Thanks for the hint, Heloise. I'm gonna catch a shower and change before we go on patrol."

She hurried up the stairs before he could answer. Giles blew out a frustrated breath and went to clear the table. Couldn't Buffy see that he was trying to make it up to her?

*****

If Giles had counted on the old routine of patrol to make things easier, he was faced with severe disappointment. Buffy just seemed to get more upset with him every time he opened his mouth. If he talked about demons and his mission from the Council, she glared and snapped. If he tried to talk about her life since he'd left, she shut down entirely. And he wished to heaven his head would stop aching.

Buffy couldn't believe this was the same Giles who had always been the one thing she felt she couldn't do without. One minute, he would only talk about work, as if he didn't give a damn about her. The next he was telling her how to run her life. What gave him the right? And what if Spike decided to show up? If he did, she was completely screwed.

Which meant that he probably would.

"Look, can we just get this over with, Giles? I know what I'm looking for. Scaly, ugly thing with seriously backfirey mojo. If I see it, I sneak up and take it out. Easy."

"It isn't easy," Giles told her with some asperity. "It has caused untold havoc for centuries. Every time it has been seen it has managed to escape, sometimes at the cost of a Slayer's life."

"I don't die so easy. And I never seem to stay dead."

Giles shook his head in frustration.

"I don't understand you, Buffy. You've always been a fighter. Why won't you fight?"

"That's a laugh coming from you, Braveheart. You left. I was stuck here, but I keep on trying."

"Really? Do you?"

"Don't you dare tell me I'm not trying. God, you're right about one thing, though. You never understood me and you never will. And you know what else, I'll never understand you, either."

"No, you won't because you don't see what's right in front of you."

"And you're completely blind! And - and there's a big, scaly demon behind you, Giles!"

Giles spun around wildly only to find himself knocked to the ground with a scaly claw. He tried to warn Buffy to let the thing go until they could catch it unawares, but she was already leaping for the beast. Buffy was almost on the creature when a bolt of magic flew from its gnarled hand and hit Buffy in the chest. It ricocheted to hit Giles as well. As the Slayer hit the ground, her Watcher lost consciousness for the second time since returning to Sunnydale that morning.

*****

Part 4

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

When Buffy came to a little while later, she couldn't believe how much her head hurt. Or how tired she felt. She raised one hand to her forehead and was surprised to find so little hair there.

'Great,' she thought, 'that beastie fried my follicles.'

Then she realized there was some object on her face that shouldn't be there. She felt around, still keeping her eyes closed, and found it was a pair of glasses. She pulled them off and sat up. About a second later, she lay down again because her head was spinning. When it stopped, she opened her eyes carefully. Everything was fuzzy. Really fuzzy. And everything felt too big.

She let out a groan, surprised at how low the sound came out.

The next thing she knew there was a face bending over her and a tiny hand expertly checking her pulse.

"It's okay, Buffy. Just lie still a moment."

She knew the voice. She'd heard it before. If only things would stop being so blurred, she'd be able to see who she was talking to. Her companion was female and small and had shortish blondish hair. The voice was talking again. She did her best to concentrate. When would Slayer healing kick in?

"I know this is a bit of a shock, but we'll find a way to sort this out, I promise. Can you try to sit up?"

"What happened? Who are you? And what happened to my voice?"

"It was the demon, Buffy. Why the hell didn't you listen? You just had to attack without thinking, didn't you?"

"It hurt Giles. Is he okay?"

She brought her hand up to her face again and was startled to see how large it suddenly was. She turned it over to look at the ring on the little finger. It was gold with a square cabochon of black onyx. Looking further up her arm, she saw it was encased in a leather jacket that she knew as well as anything in her own wardrobe. Her brain shut down as she stared.

"Here," the woman said. "Put these on and it'll be a bit better."

Buffy accepted the glasses numbly. When they were on, her vision was much better, but nowhere near what she was used to with enhanced Slayer night vision. She looked at the woman.

"That's my body. Who are you and what are you doing in it?"

"Borrowing it while you're in mine, it would seem."

"Giles?"

*****

Somehow the pair made it back to Buffy's house without meeting up with either more demons or anyone they knew. When they got to the door, Giles stood waiting while Buffy rummaged in her pockets for her key. It took both of them a minute to realize what a fruitless task that was. She looked pointedly at Giles. He looked back, confused, then realized the key to the door would be in his care since he was now in Buffy's body. He fished around in her jacket pockets until he came up with the key, then unlocked the door.

Once inside, Giles made tea while Buffy paced the living room. Occasionally she would rub her forehead.

"Giles?" she called to the kitchen.

"Yes, Buffy?" her own voice floated out.

"Could you bring me a few dozen Tylenol with that tea? Your head's splitting."

"That's what it's like when I get knocked out."

"And does your back always feel like this?"

"Like what?"

"Sore and stiff. Is it always like that?"

"Not always," Giles said as he carried the tea tray to the living room and set it on the coffee table with an extra hard thump. "Oh dear. I must remember these things are much closer now I'm so short. Anyway, my back feels like misery because I've been on a very long flight and I've been knocked down twice in less than twenty-four hours. Frankly, I'm relieved it's someone else's problem for the moment. Your back feels just fine."

"Great. So you gonna give it back to me anytime soon? And don't make short jokes while you're me. It's mean."

"It wasn't a joke; it was an observation."

"Fine, quit with the observations, already. And you didn't answer my question."

"I will be delighted to get back into my own skin at the first possible opportunity. Unfortunately, I have no idea how that is to be done."

"So we research."

"We can go to the Magic Box in the morning."

"But what do we do tonight? Why can't we research now?"

"Buffy, take a look in the mirror. You're in no shape to do any effective research right now. You're in a body that has crossed several time zones and been rendered unconscious twice today. Give it a rest."

He rummaged in his suitcase and handed her a bottle of pills from it. She peered at the label curiously.

"What are these?"

"Allergy medication. You'll need to take one of those every day or you'll spend the whole bloody day sneezing my brains out."

"What're you allergic to?"

"Buffy, please. Just take the pills and don't concern yourself with the rest. Now are you taking any medication I should know about?"

"Nope. My body's the picture of health."

"Lucky you."

"Yeah. Lucky me. Giles, what are we gonna do? I don't want to be you and you certainly don't want to be me."

"For now, I suggest we get some sleep. It's late, and my body has been through a lot today. And yours...needs another shower."

Buffy's eyes widened.

"Oh no you don't, Giles! You can't!"

"Buffy, I know what the female body looks like."

"But - but that's my female body! I don't want you to see it naked."

"I'm not precisely eager to have you see mine, either, but I don't see how it's to be avoided and adequate personal hygiene maintained."

Buffy sighed and sat heavily on the sofa. Giles reached for his nose and swore under his breath when he found nothing there. Without a word, Buffy removed his glasses, pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, and handed them to Giles.

"Go ahead. You'll feel better."

He took them, polished the lenses, began to replace them on his face, swore again, and handed them back to Buffy.

"Maybe you could get some sunglasses until you get your bod back."

"I may just do that."

*****

An hour later, the pair were still sitting on the sofa, sipping tea and trying to decide what to do next. They were rapidly coming to no conclusion at all. Buffy squirmed uncomfortably.

"What is it now?" Giles snapped.

"I - you - well, this body needs to go to the bathroom."

"Then go."

"But Giles..."

"We're both going to have to deal with that aspect of things eventually."

"I know, but I was hoping it would be a little longer before we had to."

"Then you shouldn't have had four cups of tea."

"Y'know, if I didn't have to go so bad, I'd come up with a really great answer to that."

Buffy stood and hurried up the stairs to the bathroom. Once inside with the door locked, she hesitated again. She wasn't really sure how this worked.

"Don't look, Buff," she muttered to herself as she carefully undid the unfashionable wool trousers. Underneath, there was a pair of cotton boxer shorts. Underneath that was the thing she'd never wanted to think about Giles having.

A penis.

And a scrotum.

And all that...guy stuff.

She looked up at the ceiling (which was way too close for comfort now), turned around, pulled down all the cloth, and sat as quickly as she could. It seemed to take forever before she hit the toilet seat with a thump.

"When did your legs get so long, Giles?" she muttered.

She stared resolutely at the opposite wall while she dealt with the situation. Everything felt wrong. She wanted her own body back.

"That's sorta ironic, isn't it?" she mused. "But at least I was used to it."

When she was finished, she reached for some toilet paper and shuddered slightly at the thought that she would have to touch Giles' privates. Still, there was nothing for it. She fished around blindly between the surprisingly well-formed thighs to find what she needed to deal with. When she'd finished wiping the end, she couldn't help looking. It seemed very long.

"Holy moley, Batman!"

*****

Part 5

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"Buffy?" Giles called. "Is everything quite all right?"

"Um...yeah, Giles. Just great. I'll be right down."

Buffy stood quickly and rearranged her trousers. At first, she tried to center all the genitalia over the center seams, but quickly found that was extremely uncomfortable. She stuffed them down the left leg. After all, Giles was the most left-handed person she'd ever met, so it seemed a likely solution.

She washed her hands and hurried down as quickly as she could without tripping over her suddenly large feet.

"See? Just fine. All dealt with and no problems at all. Well, I'm tired. Think I'll head for bed now. 'Night, Giles."

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You looked, didn't you?"

Buffy stopped and turned. She smiled sheepishly.

"It's not like I could help it, Giles. That's a lot of...stuff...to figure out what to do with."

"Buffy, it's okay. It's not as if you wanted to see that, I understand."

Giles went to shove his hands in his pockets only to discover the pants he had on didn't include that fashion feature. He settled for running his hand through his hair. Buffy sat down and looked at him sympathetically.

"I know. We should be all mature about this and realize it's just body parts and it doesn't really matter. But it's hard to think that way when it's your body parts. Or my body parts. I'm getting confused with what to call whose parts."

"That makes two of us."

"Look, Giles, I already peed with your body. Go ahead and take a shower. Just don't..."

"I know, don't touch anything I don't absolutely have to and keep my eyes shielded at all times."

Buffy laughed slightly.

"That, too. But what I was really gonna say was don't expect the Doublemeat smell to go away. It gets kinda stuck in the pores."

*****

Giles did his best not to look too closely as he undressed. Of course that did make the entire process somewhat problematical. The buttons on her blouse were on the wrong side, he couldn't find the closure on the pants at all for the longest time. Whose insane idea was it to put a trouser zip on the side, anyway?

And as for the bra, when he reached around to the back, there wasn't a clasp. After some moments of searching, he gave up and pulled it awkwardly off over his head.

Then he tried not to give in to the temptation to look down.

The problem only intensified as he slid the panties to the floor and stood naked in Buffy's body all alone in the bathroom.

He steeled his resolve and checked the water temperature before he got in the shower. A moment under the water proved to him that being short was a definite advantage when showering. He could now duck completely under the stream without bending his knees.

He sighed contentedly and picked up the soap.

It was easy dealing with washing his face and shoulders, but once he started to go lower, things became a bit problematical. He wanted to do a thorough job so Buffy's body would be as clean as he could make it, but that inevitably meant touching parts of her body she wouldn't want him to touch. Possibly even looking at them as well.

Well she'd already looked at parts of him she'd never shown any interest in before, so what was the difference?

"You know perfectly well what the difference is," he told himself. "You've been wanting an excuse to look at them for a very long time."

And Buffy had seemed so flustered by having seen his...parts. No doubt she'd been disgusted by the experience because it was him. After all, it wasn't as if she'd never seen a penis before. She'd had lovers. She'd been to bed with at least Angel and Riley. And there was that time he'd been in her dorm room when she came home early in the morning with a ridiculous story about having been in the library all Saturday night. She'd clearly been either at a party or on a date. A date where she'd stayed out all night. That meant there'd been at least three men.

No, the problem wasn't shyness or inexperience. It had to be his body that she found unappealing.

"Well what did you expect, Giles?" he asked himself. "Did you really think she'd take one look and start turning cartwheels for joy?"

He began to scrub harder. Surely the fragrance of hamburgers couldn't cling that stubbornly to the human body if she was cleaning herself properly. He put the soap away and reached for the fruit scented body scrub. This would do the trick, no doubt.

*****

Ten minutes later, the water was running tepid and Giles could still smell burger meat through the scent of guava.

Maybe it was as bad as Buffy said after all.

He sighed and turned off the taps.

He decided to dry off and go to the kitchen for a snack.

After all, while he couldn't fix the aroma from her job, he could at least do something about the amount of weight she'd lost recently. She'd gotten too thin by half and it was time something was done about it.

Besides, it had been a long time since concerns about cholesterol and excess weight had put an end to his greasy fry-ups. A few sausages would be lovely just about now.

*****

While Giles showered, Buffy rummaged through his luggage for something to wear to sleep in. Giles had been right; his body was tired and needed rest. And Buffy's mind was still reeling from the sudden change. It wanted to run away. The combination made for one sleepy...not quite Slayer. Clearly none of her enhanced senses had made the jump into the new body.

"Giles gets all the breaks," she mumbled unhappily as she sorted clothes. "His brains and my superpowers are all in the same place now. Who needs me? And what do I get out of this? A dick. Okay, a big dick. A really impressively big dick. But still, just a dick. It's not like I'm gonna be using it to do anything but pee, anyway. And I swear Giles has the worst taste in clothes of anybody I've ever met! Would it be too much to ask for a shirt that doesn't look like it was designed by Helen Keller? And moss green cords? Please! The AV club would have laughed at someone wearing those in high school."

A sudden thought sent one hand exploring the pockets of the trousers she had on. She found Giles' wallet quickly and opened it up.

"Platinum Visa, huh? Now I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Giles, you're getting a makeover."

She stuffed the wallet away hurriedly when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She schooled her face into the picture of innocence before he got there.

"Hey, Giles. Nice shower?"

"Very. Though I still smell of hamburger. I was just going to get a snack."

"And I guess while you're doing that, I should make up the sofa for you to sleep on."

"Won't that look odd to the others?" he asked mildly.

"What do you mean?"

"If I sleep down here, it will look like you've given up your room to me. They'll want to know why."

"Oh. Right. Well, then you can have my bed and I guess I'll sleep down here. Then we can explain stuff in the morning."

"Fine. I warn you, though, your back won't be happy."

"Well what am I supposed to do? Sleep with you?"

Giles' eyes widened. So did Buffy's.

"I...well...I don't suppose we need to go quite that far, "Giles stuttered. "Look, I'll take the sofa. You take the bed. Please. And if Willow and Dawn have questions when they get back...well, I imagine I can find a way to answer them."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay."

Giles turned in the direction of the kitchen. He stopped when Buffy called him.

"Oh Giles? Could you tell me something before I go to bed?"

"What did you want to know?"

Buffy gestured to the suitcase.

"What do you wear to sleep in?"

He came over and rooted about until he found a black tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"These should do the trick. Is there anything else you need?"

Buffy took the proffered clothes and hugged them to her chest. She shook her head. Giles placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"We'll find the answer, Buffy."

"And if we don't?"

"We'll find it," he reiterated. "We'll get this sorted out."

Buffy blinked hard and nodded silently. She managed a half smile then turned and went up the stairs without another word. Giles watched her go, his brow furrowed with concern. At last he sighed and went into the kitchen.

*****

Part 6

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

When she got to her room, Buffy began to undress for bed. She put the glasses on her nightstand and pulled the oversized sweater over her head. A tee shirt followed that, leaving her naked from the waist up. She stopped for a moment. Giles had taken a whole shower. That meant he'd probably seen her naked. Shouldn't she get the same chance to see him?

She ignored the voice in her head that told her Giles wouldn't have looked at all and if he did it was purely in the interest of cleanliness. After all, he'd been flustered and obviously uninterested when she'd accidentally sounded like she was propositioning him. She hadn't meant it like that. Really, she hadn't.

But did he have to be so grossed out by the idea?

Well, fine. If he'd had a laugh at her body, she was going to have a laugh at his. Besides, she needed to get a good look at him if she was going to act as his fashion consultant. And if she was going to be Giles for any length of time, he needed some nicer clothes.

With that feat of spurious logic accomplished, she shed the rest of her clothes, put the glasses back on and looked into the mirror.

Or perhaps gaped would be a better term.

Angel and Riley had both had great bodies, so did Spike. All three were lean and had muscles to spare. Somehow, though, she'd assumed that a man as old as Giles couldn't have a really great body anymore. Somewhere along the line she'd placed him in the safe category of 'old guy' and decided that he must therefore be flabby and out of shape. Plus there was the way he'd never made a fuss about exercising. She knew that if she hadn't caught him at it, he would never in a million years have admitted he jogged. Even then, she'd put it out of her mind except when she decided he was having a midlife crisis she really needed not to support.

Now, standing naked in front of the mirror in his body, Buffy could see that this was another case of Giles being reluctant to draw attention to himself.

True, his muscles weren't as defined as Angel's or Riley's. And yes, he was getting older. Hard to deny that when there were silver hairs among the tawny ones on his chest and belly. Still, he was muscular and trim. His legs were long and nicely shaped. She knew his arms and back were strong enough to carry a grown girl as if she weighed nothing. That was a fact she'd conveniently shoved to the back of her mind a long time ago, as she did most reminders of her many near brushes with death when she could.

This was a body that hadn't spent a lot of time in the gym, but one that had lived hard. Unlike the unscarred perfection of Angel or the government sculpted youth of Riley, Giles had never liked to show off his physique. He'd always stayed buttoned down and covered up as long as Buffy had known him. Almost like he was wearing armor rather than clothes.

Now that she'd seen him, Buffy began to wonder why he'd felt that was necessary.

It wasn't like this body was something to be ashamed of.

In fact...

Buffy couldn't seem to help herself. It looked so tempting; so exciting. Her fingers took on minds of their own and ran themselves through Giles' chest hair. It felt good. Soft, yet crisp. Slightly ticklish in a good way if she touched it too lightly.

She closed her eyes and caressed the body she inhabited. She stopped when a familiar ache grew in an unfamiliar way. Her eyes opened and she looked down.

She swallowed hard.

She went to her desk. She knew she had a ruler in there.

*****

As Giles sat down to his meal of sausages and onions with a side of fried tomatoes and mushrooms, he realized something. Two things in fact.

For one, he didn't have nightclothes or any bedding for the sofa, and for the other, he was in a body that rebelled against what he was about to put in it.

"Just bloody wonderful," he muttered. "She still won't eat, even when I try to make her from the inside."

Still, he forced a few bites of tomato into his mouth and swallowed them. Small steps. That was the way. A bite here, a high-calorie treat there. If he kept at it, soon Buffy's body would be eating normally again, so she would actually recognize hunger when she got back into her own body. He ate a bite of sausage.

He was going to put some weight on Buffy if it was the last thing he did.

The sound of the door opening startled Giles. Willow and Dawn giggled and gossiped as they came into the living room.

"He was totally checking you out, Dawnie."

"Please! Like I'd ever dance with the Ego that Walks Like an Eleventh Grader!"

"So you wouldn't?"

"Well...only if he asked me."

A flurry of giggles filled the house. Suddenly Willow shushed Dawn.

"We should be quiet. Giles is probably asleep."

"He's not on the sofa."

"Maybe he and Buffy aren't back from patrol yet."

"No, her jacket's here."

"Hmm, I wonder where he is, then."

"You don't think...?" Dawn's voice trailed off as her eyes moved to the top of the stairs.

"What, are you kidding? Of course I don't think. They were barely speaking earlier."

"Unlike a certain pair of witches tonight at The Bronze, who were getting majorly chatty together."

"Well, we're talking, anyway. A little bit. But it was all, y'know, good stuff."

Willow couldn't repress a grin, and a small blush.

"C'mon, admit it," Dawn teased her. "You two were totally vibing."

Giles sat in the kitchen and listened. Later, he couldn't have said what mental imp possessed him, but he decided to say something he had the feeling was long overdue.

He walked into the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and folded his arms under his breasts.

"So, you had a good time at The Bronze?"

"Yeah, Buff," Willow said. "You should've been."

"Well, unlike some people, I had grown up stuff to do. Dawn, what time is it?"

"Huh? Time?" the girl stalled. "I dunno. I don't have a watch on."

"It's after Midnight and you have school tomorrow."

"I know," Willow began, "I should have paid more attention to that, but we were having such a good time...and Tara was there. She talked to me and everything."

"Dawn, go to bed. Willow, don't keep my little sister out so late next time. Well, I'm off to bed, too."

He picked up his suitcase.

"See you in the morning."

"Wait a minute," Dawn protested. "That's Giles's suitcase. Where are you taking it?"

"Upstairs. Don't make me come tuck you in, Dawn."

"W- why are you taking Giles' suitcase upstairs?" Willow asked, clearly not wanting to hear the answer.

"There's something he needs in it. 'Night, Willow."

He mounted the steps with a smug little grin on his borrowed face. At the bottom of the stairs, Willow and Dawn looked confused.

"Buffy cares what time I come home?"

Dawn sounded stunned.

"She's got Giles in her room, and she's taking stuff up to him?"

Willow was clearly perplexed.

The two looked at one another.

"Scooby research, tomorrow?" Dawn asked.

"Oh yeah," Willow answered.

*****

Part 7

Notes and Disclaimers With Part 1

Giles knocked on Buffy's door.

"Can I come in?"

He heard a muffled curse and some fumbling around before his own voice floated out with a less than convincing tone.

"Sure. Great. Door's open."

He slipped into the room quickly only to find Buffy sitting on the bed awkwardly. She was fully dressed, but the covers were wadded up in front of her. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair standing up at odd angles. Her expression was clearly meant to be innocent, but it failed miserably at conveying the concept. Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's up, Giles?"

"I have the distinct impression I might ask you the same thing."

"I didn't mean to, Giles. It just...how do you control this thing?"

"I'm not sure control is the right word."

"Well, does it have an off switch, at least?"

"Have you tried thinking of something unpleasant? That sometimes does the trick."

"I cannot believe we're having this conversation."

"No more can I. In fact, let's not have it right now, please."

"Okay. You're the one who'll have to live with the rep for being a horny bastard if I can't get this under control."

"Oh for heaven's sake," Giles snapped, "take a cold shower!"

"You don't have to yell at me."

"I thought you might like to know your sister just got home. Do you have any idea how late it is?"

"I was out later than this all the time. You know that."

"Yes, but you were fulfilling your destiny as the Slayer. Dawn was simply out dancing until all hours."

"And she still gets better grades than I did. She did her homework before she went."

"Did you see it?"

"Well...no. But if she wasn't doing it, I'd get a call from the school."

"Are you paying any attention to Dawn at all? She needs you to be involved in her life, Buffy."

For the first time in his life, Giles found himself on the receiving end of a full-blown Ripper glare. He backed up a step.

"Don't you dare tell me about being involved. You were so thrilled to find out I was alive again that you hightailed it out of here faster than a speeding bullet. I needed help and you couldn't get away from us soon enough. Way to shatter my last damn happy illusion, Giles. Until then I really thought you cared about me. Guess I was wrong."

"How many times did you expect me to allow you to use me, Buffy? I was a bloody convenience for you. Fix this for me, Giles. Make that problem go away for me, Giles. Oh, but don't expect anything in return. I didn't matter at all. How long did you think I would stay when it was clear you didn't want me here? Time and again I reached out to you only to find you weren't there."

"I wasn't?" Buffy asked, genuinely confused. "Where was I?"

"With Angel. With your misery. With bloody Spike. Anywhere but with me. Was it really too much to ask that you'd have two minutes for me?"

Giles sat on the edge of the bed, defeat clear in the set of his shoulders. Buffy crawled across the bed to sit next to him, her anger gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"Yeah, it was. It was more than I had to give then. And I can't guarantee I've got a whole lot more now. Giles, you made me the best Slayer you could, but nobody really prepared me to be a grown up. I wasn't supposed to ever have to cope with all of this. I was supposed to be dead, if not from the Master, then from Glory. And if not from her, from some random demon or vamp of the week. I was never supposed to grow up. And I didn't. I died. I was even okay with it. But now..." she shook her head sadly. "Now it's all clean house, be Dawn's mom, prove I'm good enough to flip burgers at Doublemeat Palace, pay the bills on a minimum wage job, and then go save the world. Again. And it never stops. And just when I've given everything I have to give and then some, somebody comes along wanting more of me. There's just not enough me to go around."

Giles took her hand gently and looked into her eyes. They may have actually been his own eyes, but he could see Buffy looking out of them.

"Yes, there is, Buffy. I know it's hard, and you're right, you probably weren't prepared very well for this. But that doesn't mean you can't do it."

"But I can't do it alone, Giles. I never could."

Giles shook his head.

"I don't believe that for one moment. You are an exceptional young woman if only you'll accept the fact."

"Yeah. I know. One girl in all the world, and all that. Or two now, I guess. I'm not even so special that way, anymore."

Buffy stood and paced restlessly. She stopped and faced Giles.

"What's so special about me?" she asked. "I have superpowers to fight vampires, but you and Xand and Will can do it, too. Maybe not as well, but you've all dusted more than your fair share of vamps. I'm not as smart as you and Will. I don't have things under control the way Mom did. I never seem to know what to say or do. Sure, I can dust a vamp in no time flat, but I'm a lousy driver and I go through men like...something that goes through things and is a big disaster. Now I can't even find a group of loser nerds. They're hitting me on my blind side all the time. I don't feel like there's anything exceptional about me, with the possible exception of my incredible lameness as a human being. And now I don't even have being the Slayer to fall back on. If I'm not the Slayer, what the hell am I that's so great?"

"You're Buffy Summers, who is quite possibly the bravest person I've ever met in my life."

"Brave, huh? So brave I couldn't wait to crawl back into my grave as soon as I got out of it."

"Are you doing that now? I don't think so. And certainly, after sacrificing yourself to save the world and humanity twice, you'd earned your rest. You were cheated of it. But you're back. And you've forgiven Willow and Xander and the others..."

Buffy picked at a thread on the bedspread and refused to meet Giles' eye.

"No, I haven't, really."

"But...Willow still lives here. And she talked about Xander and Anya coming here for movie nights...I really thought..."

"Giles, I don't have any right to be mad at them. They were trying to save me. I owe them my life. It's not their fault I didn't want it."

She looked down at herself with a wry smile.

"Whaddya know?" she observed. "that thinking about rotten stuff trick worked. I'll have to remember that."

"It's one I've relied on far too many times," Giles admitted. "And Buffy, you have every right to be angry about what was done to you. You have the right to let people know you're upset and why."

"After all this time, even?"

"It certainly didn't stop you from giving me a piece of your mind just now."

Buffy shrugged.

"It wasn't like I had the chance to finish yelling at you before you left. The guys...it's been months and I've seen them every day. I'd feel pretty dumb saying something now."

"Just think about it."

"When did you get to be touchy-feely share guy?"

"I'll let you know when I do."

They smiled at one another.

"So what are you doing up here, anyway, Giles? You came up here for something and we got sorta sidetracked with your definite lack of need for Viagra and my eternal angst."

"Ah, well...it would seem that I need some form of sleepwear."

"And you brought your suitcase with you because...?"

"Cover?"

"Giles, did you pretend to be me?"

"Well...a little. I'm not sure why."

"And what did you do as me?"

"I...well...I told Willow not to keep Dawn out so late."

"And...?"

"And...well...sort of lead them to think..."

"That we were getting all snuggly up here?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Then what?"

"That...I was sleeping in your room and you were bringing something up to me."

Buffy groaned.

"You didn't!"

"I'm afraid I did. Is it bad?"

"You know what they're going to be doing tomorrow, don't you?"

"What?"

"Researching the history of Watcher/Slayer nookie with emphasis on mind control spells."

"Oh dear lord. Really?"

"Yu-huh. so there's only one thing to do now."

"What's that?"

"Make them think they have something to research while we sit up all night telling each other how to cope with being in the wrong body."

"Buffy," he chided, "that's dishonest."

"But fun and informative. Now, about this whole standing up to pee thing...what's the deal with that?"

*****

Part 8

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

When Buffy woke up the next morning, she could feel arms around her. Small, soft, yet surprisingly strong arms with little hands that squeezed lightly at her...where her breasts ought to be.

It took a moment for the previous days' events to become clear in her mind again.

Giles back...funky demon...zapped with whammy magic...bodyswitch.

Bodyswitch with Giles.

Talk with Giles.

Weird sort of semi-girltalk with Giles.

Falling asleep with Giles.

Sleeping with Giles?!

Just sleeping. Only sleep happened. Nothing more.

Only now she lay in bed with her Watcher feeling her up while they were stranded in each others' bodies.

And he was asleep.

"Just when you think life on the Hellmouth can't get any freakier, it does."

She stifled a small groan as her nipple stiffened in response to Giles' ministrations. It wasn't the only thing that was hard.

His fingers were so gentle, so skillful, as they rolled her tight nipple. Part of her knew she had to stop this, but the rest of her refused to do anything about it.

After all, he would be so embarrassed, she told herself, if he woke up to find himself molesting her...or himself, if looked at from another angle, which would be a little funky, but perfectly normal...except it wouldn't be.

Buffy's mind began to swim from the leaps of logic it took to figure out what exactly was going on.

And Giles' hand was moving south.

She bit her lip to keep from making any noise.

His fingers brushed softly over her now aching cock.

The fingers stopped.

They double checked what they had found.

They stopped again.

Buffy kept her eyes firmly shut and her breathing as deep and steady as possible. Giles would be too horrified if she caught him feeling her up, she decided.

She knew the instant Giles realized what he'd been up to. His hand flew away from her crotch, and she felt him roll quickly out of bed.

Buffy continued to feign sleep until she heard Giles hurry to the bathroom and start the shower.

Something told her she would be in there next...and that the water heater wouldn't be involved in any way.

*****

When Giles got out of the shower, he found that Buffy had discretely vacated the room and left her uniform on the bed for him, along with a few notes about how to cope with the job he was suddenly forced to do. Now all he had to do was figure out how to put on a bra and steel himself to wear that ridiculous cap.

He heard the water running in the bathroom again and wondered if he ought to try to talk to Buffy when she was done in there. He hadn't meant to fondle her, really. It was that dream. The one he'd had a million times where he was holding Buffy and she wanted him to make love to her.

Of course, this was reality where she didn't want that.

And where she suddenly had a penis.

His penis.

So at least it wasn't like he was touching another man; just himself, as he had done so many times before.

Except that he wasn't.

He was touching Buffy.

He didn't dare do that again. What if she'd woken up and found him touching her?

He knew she'd have been at minimum terribly upset, and more likely would have become violent.

No, it wouldn't do to let that happen again. He'd just have to sleep on the sofa until they got this mess straightened out.

Now if he could just figure out how to put Buffy's bra on.

He'd taken many a bra off a woman in his life, but he'd never tried to wear one himself. Nor had he paid that much attention on mornings after when the women put their bras back on again. Usually he'd been trying too hard to either impress them with his breakfast cooking skills or convince them they really didn't need to get dressed yet.

Maybe he could do just as well without one. It wasn't as if Buffy's breasts were all that large, after all.

Yes, he would make do without a bra for one day, anyway.

And at least she'd put out a fairly sensible pair of knickers as opposed to the frilly things he'd found himself wearing when they switched bodies in the first place. He wondered if she often wore silky, pretty underthings, or if there was a particular purpose to her choice on the previous day.

Never mind that, he decided, as he slid the panties up his suddenly short legs to his now oddly empty feeling crotch.

That was the part that felt the strangest.

He could deal with being short and having breasts and a voice that suddenly reminded him of being ten years old with its higher pitch, but he missed his penis.

He could only hope Buffy had listened to him about its proper care last night.

And pray that he got his own body back before he had to deal with the horrors Buffy had described when she talked about menstrual cramps.

*****

When Buffy finished her shower and went downstairs, she found Giles was already in the kitchen working on breakfast. She could hear Willow and Dawn moving in their rooms, but neither had emerged to face the day yet. Buffy was somewhat relieved by that. It meant she'd have a minute to talk to Giles about what they were going to say to their friends.

"Hey Watcher-man, what's cooking?"

"Good morning, Buffy. It's an omelet."

"What kind?" she asked as she peered over his shoulder - an operation that was much easier now that she towered a foot over Giles.

"There really isn't a name for it, though Xander called it a kitchen sink omelet when I made one for him once. It's really a bit of everything on hand."

"You made breakfast for Xander? When was this? Inquiring minds want to know, Giles."

"It was a couple years ago. And no, he had not spent the night, nor had anything untoward happened."

"Jumpy much? I wasn't asking anything like that....and really, *really* not about Xander." She turned to start the coffee. "Speaking of Xander, though..."

"What about him?"

"Well, not just Xander. Will and Dawn and Anya and everybody: what do we tell them? About this." She gestured vaguely at her unfamiliar body. "And when do we tell it?"

"Tell what?" Dawn asked as she bounded into the kitchen and stole a piece of bell pepper Giles was about to dice.

"Dawn, stop that! I don't want to chop your finger off."

"Grouchy," Dawn stuck out her tongue at her supposed sister. She turned to face Giles, as she thought. "What are you guys up to? Is it end of the world stuff or something I'm actually allowed to know about? How long are you staying, Giles? You're staying, right?"

Buffy and Giles looked at one another over Dawn's head. A silent conversation passed between them and a mutual decision was reached without a word.

Buffy took Dawn's hand and led her to the breakfast bar.

"Sit down, Dawn. I've got something to tell you."

Dawn clambered onto a stool and eyed her sister warily, sure that she was Giles. Buffy reached out and stroked her sister's hair. It was a gesture she often used to comfort the younger girl.

"Why are you doing that, Giles?" she asked, pulling away.

"Because I'm not Giles. I know I look like him and I sound like him, but I'm not him. I'm Buffy."

Dawn looked wildly from one to the other. Giles just nodded and went back to cooking his omelet.

"You guys are joking, right? People don't just switch bodies like this."

"You know it happened before. Remember when Faith stole my body?"

"No. I remember when Faith stole Buffy's body. You're Giles. She's Buffy. Faith was evil. You guys aren't evil."

"We didn't do this on purpose. There was a demon. A seriously nasty one that's caused all sorts of problems forever with crazy magic. It hit us and when we woke up, I was Giles and he was me."

"So last night it was really Giles who told me not to come home so late?" Dawn looked anxiously to the stove.

"I'm afraid so, Dawn. I really don't know what came over me."

"I do," Buffy said. "I got hit once by this raygun blaster thingie that made stuff invisible, so nobody could see me. I went nuts. I thought since nobody could see me, it didn't matter what I did. It's a sort of a rush not to be responsible for what you're doing. But responsibility's such a big deal with you that you can't even be really irresponsible when you're being really irresponsible, so you used your powers for good instead of evil. Which makes you a way better person than me."

Giles blinked at Buffy.

"Do you know the most frightening thing about that entire theory? I actually understood what you were saying."

"And...?"

"And...I suppose you're right."

"See Dawn, I was right."

"Yes, I'm far the superior person, I agree."

"Hey!"

"You guys really were telling the truth," Dawn said. "There's no way you could make that up if you were just pretending to be each other."

*****

Part 9

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

After breakfast, Buffy and Willow walked together to the Magic Box while Giles took Dawn to school and then headed off to work Buffy's job at the Doublemeat Palace.

When the girls got to the shop, they quickly explained the situation to Xander and Anya. All four settled down to research bodyswitching spells. Eventually, Xander had to leave for work, Anya got busy with customers and Willow announced that she had to go to class. Buffy stood up from the table, too.

"Where are you going, G - Buffy?" Xander asked.

"Good save, Xand. I just thought I'd take a break from the research thing. Maybe go get a mocha or something."

"You might want to check out a barber shop on the way," Anya observed.

"I didn't want to rip Giles' face all to pieces trying to shave it. He'd glare at me."

Xander, Willow and Anya shared a bemused smile. Buffy looked crestfallen.

"Okay, so I know it's sorta wimpy, but it's Giles. You've all seen his glare. I don't want to see it directed at me is all."

"Um, Buff, I think you forgot something," Willow smirked.

"What's that?"

"You're wearing his glare now, since you're wearing his face."

Buffy grinned from ear to ear.

"Hey! You're right!"

*****

Giles muttered mutinously under his breath as he lowered the french fry basket into the hot grease.

"How in heaven's name does Buffy put up with this?"

Todd, in the meantime, continued to drivel on pointlessly about half-digested political ideas. Giles thought if he heard the Doublemeat power structure compared to something out of Machiavelli one more time he was going to do serious violence to the boy. Besides that, it was clear that this young cretin thought he was an utter idiot. No. Worse than that: he thought Buffy was stupid. Buffy might have her faults - did have them, in fact - but she was certainly not stupid. Even without her SAT scores it was clear that Buffy's mind was not lacking. She was an excellent strategist, and perfectly capable of learning whatever she felt a need to know.

But this barely post-pubescent twit not only thought he was smarter than Buffy, but that it was his right to tell her so over and over and over again ad bloody nauseum.

Buffy might stand it for herself, but there was no way Giles was going to stand it for her.

And the boy continued to blather on.

"...of course, I'm not saying Nazi Germany was a model society, really, but at least Hitler made the trains run on time, if you know what I mean..."

"Mussolini."

"...but of course...what? Mussolini?"

"Benito Mussolini? Il Duce? Certainly you've heard of him?"

"Of course I've heard of him," Todd answered defensively. "What about him? What does he have to do with Hitler?"

"Aside from the fact that they were allies in World War II? Not that much, I suppose. Their ideologies were actually rather different if you look at them in detail. But that's beside the point. What I was trying to say is that it was Mussolini, not Hitler, who made the trains run on time. A common mistake among the undereducated and the willfully ignorant."

"Wha...how...that can't be right. Anyway, how would you know that? You're a dropout."

Giles smiled. Somehow, Todd didn't find it pleasant.

"I've forgotten more than you'll ever know if you live to be a hundred. And you know why that is? Because I know how to keep my mouth shut and learn from people instead of carrying on about things I know nothing about. And while we're at it, don't you have anything better to do than talk at me? You're at work. Work for a change."

Todd glared for a moment then turned on his heel.

"I'm going on break," he spat as he walked away.

"And you have no idea how close you came to being broken in two," Giles added as he pulled the fries from the grease.

*****

Freed from the labors of research, Buffy headed straight to the mall. If she knew Giles, that credit card in his pocket rarely got used, and was probably paid off in full every month.

"Not this month, unless he's got a big ol' pile of money in his bank account," she grinned. "But first, mocha goodness at Starbuck's."

She stopped and picked up a magazine to scan while she drank her coffee. In deference to the body she inhabited, she decided against Cosmo and picked up Entertainment Weekly instead. She knew Giles would prefer something more intellectual, but she couldn't make heads or tails of Archeology Digest or anything like that. Maybe if she had him there to answer her questions, but not on her own. There was too much she didn't understand. Now if he offered to take her on a dig, that might work. Hands on always made it easier for her to understand things.

Learning about Russell Crowe's latest film, she could do on the printed page.

She sipped her mocha and flipped the pages of her magazine, content to have nothing better to do for once. After a moment, she frowned. When was the last time she'd had to just do nothing? Aside from the months she'd spent in her grave, that is.

When had it been?

Her eyes opened wider when she realized it had been before her mother died.

Since then, she'd had to care for Dawn as well as the world. Her own life had been put entirely on hold. She'd dropped out of school, stopped going to the movies or hanging out at The Bronze. Even the few social events since then had been tainted with her Slayer duties or her obligations to Dawn. Usually both.

Except Spike.

She didn't want to let her mind go there, but it got stubborn on her and insisted on looking at what she didn't want to see.

Spike had been her only release valve in the mess of her life for months now. When she was with him, she could forget responsibility, duty, Slaying, Dawn, and all the things that made life unbearable to her. God, she could completely forget life since he was dead.

"Really great coping mechanism, Buff," she muttered to herself.

Maybe she needed to make the time to do something healthier in the way of escapism.

She couldn't believe how much better she felt with a little time off and nothing important to do in it.

Plus reading a magazine and drinking coffee, while not exactly the healthiest things she could be doing, either, were at least more socially acceptable than having sex with a vampire she didn't even like.

And spending lots of someone else's money had to be the most socially acceptable vice in the country.

She heard giggling at another table and glanced over to see two young women looking in her direction as they consulted one another and blushed. She looked around to see what boy they were admiring, but there wasn't a guy in sight...except her.

They were checking her out.

And it felt oddly good.

It had been a long time since anyone had checked her out.

But they were really checking out Giles, she realized.

Giles. Her Watcher. Tweedman. Safe, old guy Giles.

Couldn't these girls find anyone their own age?

Suddenly it struck her that she'd almost never found a guy her own age.

Angel was more than two hundred years older than she was, Riley was six years older, and as for Spike...

He was a great big mistake that she didn't want to think about anymore.

Plus he was at least a hundred years older than her.

So Giles was...twenty-seven years older. Was that really so far out of the ballpark? It's not like a Slayer could expect to live another thirty years when she was already pushing twenty-one.

Really, a guy Giles' age wouldn't be so bad, as long as he could understand about the whole Slayer thing and protect himself.

But it was all wrong for those girls at the table. They could have the Owen Thurmans and Scott Hopes out there who needed nice, ordinary girls who weren't going to die in the next fifteen minutes. Even Riley had found himself a nice, demon hunting girl who had fully as much chance of living another fifty years as he did.

Those guys were really off limits to a Slayer. She'd fought that idea over and over and over again, but she finally realized the truth of it.

"I can't be normal if I'm the Slayer. I can't have a normal guy in my life."

But for the first time in her life, she didn't mind that so much.

Maybe being boy-free Buffy didn't have to be that bad. And even when everyone else around her coupled off, Giles was there to make her feel less third-wheely.

If he stayed this time. She wondered if he would.

She hoped so.

Maybe it was time to kiss and make up - so to speak.

But first, she so needed to improve his wardrobe.

She stood and headed out of the coffee shop.

First stop, The Gap.

*****

Part 10

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Xander walked into the Magic Box, the way he usually did on his lunch hour. He met Anya at the counter with a kiss.

"So, find anything interesting while I was gone?"

"In the books?" Anya asked. "Of course not. I've been working, just like you. But I have been thinking. About Buffy and Giles and the way they switched bodies."

"Have you seen anything like this before? Ever do this to some schmoe in your vengeance days?"

"Of course not, Xander. The women I helped wanted vengeance. They didn't like the men well enough to want to be them. Usually they just wanted to either hurt or embarrass them badly."

"Okay, so what were you thinking about this, then?"

"I was thinking about what we should do if something like this happened to us."

"Happened to...Anya, this isn't going to happen to us."

"How do you know? Anything's possible on the Hellmouth. We could wake up tomorrow and be each other. This could be just the start of an epidemic. People could be switching bodies left and right all over town. What if I got zapped when I was with Willow or Tara? Would I not want to be with a man anymore? Or if I got changed when I was with you, would I not find you attractive because you don't have a penis anymore?"

"An, calm down. This was a demon attack, remember? It's not an epidemic."

"Well, if we ran into the same demon, what then? Buffy didn't kill it. She was too busy being unconscious...and turning into Giles. That means it's still out there."

Xander took his fiancée by the shoulders and spoke sincerely to her.

"It doesn't matter, Anya. Even if you had my body and I had yours...which is a little strange as a concept, and even disturbing...even then I would love you. It wouldn't change how I feel."

Anya looked at the floor, then up into Xander's eyes. She smiled slightly.

"So...you would still have sex with me even if I had the penis?"

Xander's jaw worked for several seconds before he could reply.

"I...that is...An, I don't know. That's sorta...weird. But, I dunno, maybe?"

Anya frowned and toyed with one of his shirt buttons.

"Then maybe we should close the shop for lunch and do it while we're still ourselves."

"Best plan I've heard all day."

*****

Buffy signed Giles' name to yet another charge slip. She'd worried the first time she tried it. She wasn't entirely sure Giles' body would cooperate with her on that. What if it signed the slip with her name? Or if it just blew a fuse trying to sign both names? Or couldn't figure out which hand to use?

In the end, the body had taken over and she found herself taking the pen in her left hand and signing Giles' name as if she'd been doing it for decades.

Now all she had to worry about was maxing out his card.

Then again, Giles deserved a bit of punishment for abandoning her. And anyway, she was doing him a big favor he didn't deserve.

She'd started with snug-fitting jeans and a few tee shirts in colors other than black, white, and gray. Then had come some cool black boots. Next she'd gotten him some underwear she liked better than his floppy boxers that made her feel as if her new privates were dangling unprotected. He now owned several pairs of stretch boxers in neat colors and some fairly abbreviated briefs in tiger stripe and zebra stripe prints. Then some trendier shirts than he normally wore with tab collars and jewel-toned prints. A selection of earrings followed that. And now, the piece de resistance: a form-fitting black leather suit.

Just one more place would do it.

Lenscrafters.

*****

Late in the afternoon, Xander and Willow, sat around the tarot table researching. Anya joined them in between waiting on customers. The bell over the door jangled as Dawn walked into the room and joined her friends.

"Hey Dawnie," Willow greeted her. "How was school today?"

Dawn shrugged.

"Okay, I guess. It was sorta hard to concentrate."

"What did you do afterwards?" Anya asked. "You know you were supposed to come here right away. You're late."

"I went home to get a snack."

"Was Buffy there?" Xander asked. "Is she okay?"

"I don't think she is," Dawn said. "She was just sitting on the back porch, staring at stuff. Y'know, sorta the way she did right after...she got back. I tried to ask her what was up, but she didn't say anything. It sorta freaked me out."

The others looked at one another, concern clear on every face.

"Maybe someone should go talk to her...?" Willow offered.

"It's probably something about the bodyswitch," Anya theorized. "Maybe she's just upset about that. In that case, the faster we get her back into her own body, the faster we'll fix her problem and the faster she'll be okay again."

"And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that she's going to be your bridesmaid next weekend?"

"Well, I can't have a man bridesmaid. That would be silly."

"Xander's having a girl best man," Dawn pointed out.

"And that's more than enough non-traditional gender roleplay for one wedding. Besides, if she's in Giles' body, Buffy won't fit into her dress. It will be far too small."

"Guys," Xander interrupted, "I think we're missing the point here. If Buffy's upset about being too masculine, what we need to do is find a way to make her girly again. You all know how she is. She'll brood until we have a cure, so let's crack the books and fix this mess."

"Couldn't we do it the way we did when Faith stole her body?" Dawn asked.

Willow shook her head.

"That was done with a Draconian Katra spell, so we could reverse it with another katra that just sorta un-katraed things. But this was something different. We have to figure out what was done to undo it. And find someone to do the spell."

Dawn sat. She held her hand out.

"Book me, somebody."

*****

Giles had reached the end of his rope.

He'd been on his feet all day flipping burger patties, dipping freeze-dried potatoes into vats of grease, and dealing with people who ate this unhealthy crap on a daily basis. Several of them claimed an acquaintance with him, which meant Buffy must serve them regularly. They certainly weren't the sort of people he could see her going very far out of her way to know. Not one of them had an idea in his or her head that hadn't been placed there by television.

He began to appreciate how lucky he'd been to have been chosen to Watch Buffy, who, while not inclined to books, was smart and intuitive and unconventional even when she tried her best to be average. As for her friends, Willow was a born researcher and near-genius, and Xander...Xander was no Einstein, certainly, and his social skills were sometimes lacking, but no one could question the boy's courage or his loyalty. Anya might be maddening at times, but her knowledge of the underworld was very useful and every once in a while her bluntness made for a bracing reminder of what they all needed to accomplish. Dawn was a difficult child in some ways, but she showed evidence of the same courage and stubborn determination that had so drawn him to both Buffy and Joyce from the beginning. As for Tara...he was surprised at how much he missed her. She was such a gentle, motherly soul, though there was steel in her backbone if one pushed her too far.

It had been hard to leave them all behind once, let alone twice. He wasn't sure he could do it a third time.

"Buffy! Hey, wake up!" Lorraine called.

Giles startled.

"W-what?"

"Okay, that's it," Lorraine said. "You've been zoning out on me all week long, and today you've been looking at all the equipment as if you'd never seen it before in your life."

"I've been a bit distracted, I'll admit..."

"Distracted? I think you're more than distracted." She handed him a plastic cup. "Fill this. I'm sending Sophie in with you to make sure you don't cheat."

Giles took the cup in a daze.

"Fill this with what?"

Todd began to snicker in the background.

"You've taken this test before, Buffy."

"Is this...you want me to take a urine test? You think I'm on drugs?!"

"I think if you aren't I'm going to be surprised."

Giles drew himself up to his full height, which was now disconcertingly short. Still, he was furious and he knew well that Buffy's face could produce a scowl that had made many a vampire run screaming into the night. He scowled. Lorraine swallowed hard.

"If you think I'm going to go through the humiliation and degradation of pissing into a plastic cup so you can check whether I took a hit off a joint a week ago, you are sadly mistaken."

"It's your dignity or your job, Buffy."

Giles removed his hat.

"Why would I want this pathetic excuse for a job? I can do far, far better for myself than this. The rest of you may be content to wear a hideous uniform and this ridiculous hat, but I am neither an imbecile nor insane. How can you all trade in your souls for a minimum wage paycheck and a daily helping of greasy, unhealthy, unappetizing arterial muck? How you all do this job without resorting to pharmaceutical aid is bloody well beyond me!"

He marched up to Lorraine and thrust the hat into her hands.

"You can take this job and blow it out your ass, madam! I quit!"

The rest of the staff stared, dumbfounded, as Giles stalked off into the night.

*****

Part 11

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

At first, he felt good about what he'd done. The nerve of those people! Thinking Buffy was on drugs was beyond laughable. This job, this insult to dignity, was beneath Buffy.

Suddenly, it hit him what he'd done.

He'd quit Buffy's job.

He'd quit Buffy's job without Buffy's permission.

She was going to slay him.

He stopped and groaned in dismay.

All at once he became aware of a presence behind him. He was startled, nearly panicked when he realized he didn't have a stake with him.

Then he smiled.

Of course. In this body he had Slayer strength.

He hoped.

He prayed he knew what he was doing as he kicked out behind him and connected with cold, solid flesh.

"Ow! Bloody hell, Slayer! Watch where you're pointing that thing, will you!"

Giles stood down.

"What are you up to, Spike?"

He really didn't want to deal with Spike.

"We still need to talk, Slayer."

"About what?" Giles snapped.

"About our so-called relationship. About the way you won't tell your little friends how many times you came to my crypt and had your wicked way with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"About you and me and the way you're too high and mighty to admit you did the deed with me. Well you wanted it enough before. Still do, if you're honest which you never bloody are. So cut the crap and come with me and we can break it to the kiddies later on tonight while the bites still show."

Giles stared at the vampire. It took him a long time to find his voice.

"No."

It was all he could manage. He couldn't believe Spike would be saying these things if Buffy hadn't slept with him, but he was horrified at the thought.

"It'll be great. After your friends toss you out like last week's garbage, you can give up all your pretending and be with me, in the dark, where you belong."

Giles decided to play along and see what he could find out.

"And what about Dawn? She can't live in the dark."

"From what I hear, that won't be a problem much longer. You've made a right mess of that, haven't you? Turned her into a bleeding Kleptomaniac. Believe me, Pet, the authorities are going to drag her away from you in about another two minutes at this rate. Face it, you've bolloxed your whole life up and nobody wants to be with you but me. I'm all you've got. Might as well take me while I'm still interested."

"So...you're still interested, Spike? Even after all the bad things I've done?"

Giles moved closer to the vampire. He put his hand on Spike's still chest.

"Well...yeah, I am. Nobody hurts me like you do."

"So you get off on the pain, is that it? Or is it the rush of knowing you're doing the Slayer?"

"You know me too well," Spike chuckled as he pushed his hips closer to the prize.

"That's right, Spike. I know you too well to put up with this bullshit."

Giles brought his knee up with Slayer force between Spike's legs. The vampire crumpled to the ground in pain, clutching his groin.

"And if you ever come near me again, Spike, I'll teach you the true meaning of pain, and I don't mean the kind you like."

"W - what...?" Spike gasped out.

"You don't love Buffy. You just want to brag that you bagged another Slayer the only way you could. All you want is to be in control and get laid. Well find someone else to keep under your thumb. This body is off limits to you."

He walked away as quickly as he could so Spike wouldn't see when he had to stop and retch behind a headstone.

*****

A couple stood arguing at the video display in the adult bookstore.

"What about this one, Xander?"

"No way, An. We are not getting that."

"Why not?"

"'Bi The Book'? Do you know what that means when they call a video something like that?"

"It means it's set in a library or a bookstore."

"Not that part, An. When the term 'bi' is in the title, it means that there's going to be guys...indulging in some excess brotherly love that I really don't want to see."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do, okay."

"What's wrong with it if there are men having sex with each other? You like the ones where two women have sex."

"That's pretty much all of them, An. Except the ones that don't have girls at all, I guess."

"Yes, but you like the scenes. And you expect me to like them when I find them sort of boring. I don't think sex can be nearly as exciting without a penis involved. This has scenes with two penises involved. Maybe more. I find that exciting. Don't you?"

"No! I really, really don't. And we are not getting that one. Find another. One that doesn't have boys...being boys together."

Anya shrugged and put the videotape back on the shelf.

"Fine. You pick something. I need to get more massage oil, anyway."

She looked up towards the oil display, then tugged on Xander's shirt sleeve.

"Xander," she hissed. "Look over there. It's Buffy...I mean Giles."

Xander peered over the film display and swallowed hard.

"He's buying something. Something that seems to take batteries."

The pair ducked down as Giles turned around as if he expected to see someone. When they looked over the top of the rack again, Giles was gone.

"What would Giles be doing buying things here?"

Anya was clearly puzzled.

"He's in Buffy's bod. Maybe he's been slaying."

"What does that have to do with it."

"Well, Slayers...when they slay...they get...y'know. Frisky."

Anya glared daggers at her fiancé.

"How do you know that?"

Xander tried to smile ingratiatingly, but it came out as a grimace combined with a slightly hysterical giggle.

"I don't. Pure rumor. Silly, the things those wacky vampires say when they're trying to throw you off balance."

He watched Anya, desperately praying that she would accept his explanation. He never wanted to tell her about his twenty minutes of passion with Faith.

She scrutinized his face for a long moment, then finally nodded, seemingly satisfied with what she saw there.

"I believe you, Xander."

He blew out a relieved breath.

"Good. Honey, I don't think we really need a movie to inspire us, do we? Maybe we can just head home and forget about movies and Slayers and what the hell Giles was doing in a place like this."

"Okay. Just let me get the massage oil. Did you want cherry or lemon?"

"Surprise me. I love it when you do that."

*****

Part 12a

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy moved inside only after it was too dark to see anymore. She headed up to her bedroom in hopes that she wouldn't have to talk to anyone else at least until morning.

She sat on the bed, hugging a pillow to her chest for a long time. She was alone until Giles got back, anyway. Dawn had phoned from the Magic Box to say she'd been invited to spend the night with her friend Janice, and Willow had a late class.

When the door slammed, she barely raised her head at the sound. Giles was back, but she didn't go down to see him.

Not that it mattered since he was on his way up.

"Buffy? Are you there?"

Great. He sounded mad. Had she forgotten to tell him something important about work? She thought she'd covered everything.

He knocked on her bedroom door.

"Buffy, I need to talk to you. Please let me in."

"It's open," she said quietly.

Giles came into the room carrying a sack. One look was enough to tell her he was livid. In fact the last time she'd seen Giles this angry was a day she wished she could forget; the day Giles had discovered that Angel was back from Hell and she hadn't told him about it.

Somehow she knew the first words that were going to come out of his mouth, though she prayed she was wrong.

"I saw Spike."

Buffy winced. Those were exactly the words she hadn't wanted to hear.

"What the hell were you thinking, Buffy? Why Spike? I know you don't love him. He said as much when he spoke to me. If all you want is sex, there are better ways to get it. And if what you're looking for is a toy, then buy a bloody toy and have done with it."

He thrust the bag at her.

She flinched as if he'd hit her.

"As for Spike..."

"I know. I hurt him."

"I don't care what you did to Spike. I care about what you did to you. He was using you, Buffy, and you let him. How could you let him talk that way to you? I've seen you hurt boys badly for less than what he said to me thinking it was you tonight. If Riley had spoken to you that way, you'd have torn him limb from limb, and rightly so. And as for your job - which I'm afraid you no longer have - I cannot believe you lasted a day in that wretched place. The people who work there are cretins and imbeciles, the work is mind-numbingly boring, and the rules are specifically designed to break the human spirit. What were you doing there, Buffy?"

She finally looked up.

"You lost my job?! Dammit, Giles, I needed it! How am I going to pay the bills without it?"

"How were you paying the bills on that paycheck? You knew you had to get out of there; you're too intelligent not to have worked it out. You'll just have to get by on whatever Willow can contribute until you find something else."

"But Will..."

"What about Willow? Surely she's paying rent?"

Buffy shook her head.

"She's in school and her scholarships only cover stuff like tuition and books. She's broke, too."

Giles sat on the edge of the bed. He shook his head in disgust.

"Then she can bloody well get a job just as well as you can. Plenty of people work their way through college. And Dawn is quite old enough to do some babysitting at least, so she can pay for some of her own things."

"But...but you...you said..."

"I said you needed to stand on your own two feet, Buffy. I never said you ought to become the world's doormat."

With that, Buffy burst into tears. She cried uncontrollably, in great, gulping sobs that seemed to start in her toes. Giles ignored his discomfort with the situation and reached out to remove the glasses from Buffy's face and place them out of harm's way. Once he'd accomplished that, he did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into his arms.

"Please don't cry so, Buffy. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm frightfully clumsy at this sort of thing, you know. Shhhh, I didn't mean to scold you. There, there, now. It's just...I know you can do so much better."

Nothing he said seemed to make much difference, so, in the end, he just held her and rocked her until she had cried herself out.

When she was done, he silently handed her Kleenexes until she'd dried her eyes and nose sufficiently to look as though she could talk to him. He passed her the glasses. She half-smiled at him in a watery way as she put them back on and sniffled one more time.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'd already broken up with Spike. He wasn't listening very well, but I'd done it. And this might show you I'd figured out my future wasn't at Doublemeat Palace."

She stood and walked to her desk. A moment later she handed Giles a piece of paper.

"See? I was working on a résumé. Not that I'd gotten very far, but I started it. I was actually counting on getting a reference from Lorraine, but I guess you fixed that. Just so I know, why did I get fired?"

Giles felt the blood rising in his cheeks as he read over the paper in his hand. He might have known nothing could keep Buffy down that far forever.

"You quit. You...um...you refused to take a drug test."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Great. That's just peachy, Giles. Do you have any idea how bad that looks to potential new employers? Thanks to you, I'm going to have a hell of a time replacing that paycheck. You've screwed up my one chance to move up."

She sat on the bed again and glared at Giles. He looked sheepishly at her.

"I'm sorry. I suppose I ought to have talked to you before I flew off the handle like that."

Buffy blew out a frustrated breath.

"You were just trying to help me out," she said. "It's not all your fault." She cocked one eyebrow at him. "And I so cannot believe you bought me a vibrator!"

She almost laughed at his blush.

"I - it's...well, actually, I got you...several items. I - I wasn't sure what you'd like best."

"And I'm gonna use this stuff exactly how while I'm in your body?"

"S - s - some things...can be used....well...Buffy, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was just so angry, and..."

"And you wanted to make a point so I'd get it. I know. It's okay. I sorta deserved a lot of it anyway. And you're right. I suck at relationships. Maybe it's time I just got myself some battery-operated pals and gave up on men. I always seem to mess things up with the real deal."

"You're young, Buffy. It's not as if many people find their true soulmates by your age. It does, however, help if one sticks more or less to one's own species at any rate. You know what a mistake it is to get involved with a vampire. Why did you do it?"

Buffy shrugged.

"He kept wanting it so much. And nobody else seemed to want me very much. Except you. And the me you wanted wasn't the one I could be right then. I couldn't even pretend to be her. And there was so much...stuff to deal with. I couldn't. And everybody walked on eggshells around me, like they thought I was gonna poof into smoke, but nobody wanted to hear what was wrong. I couldn't tell Will what she'd done to me when she was so proud of it. And now she knows, neither one of us wants to say anything about it. I think she's sorry. I have to think that. Giles, everything fell to little pieces and then you left again. I couldn't take any more. Spike made me forget."

"Forget what?"

"Everything. Bills, Dawn, Slaying, you, Willow and Xander and Anya and Tara and Doublemeat Palace and Heaven and digging myself out of my grave. All of it. It all went away for a little while. I don't like him, and no matter how many times he tells me he loves me, I don't think he likes me, either. But for a little while, I didn't have to care about anything. I didn't have to be me. And now here I am being you. Classic case of 'be careful what you wish for', huh?"

Giles smiled wryly.

"I don't suppose you really want to be me. It's not the most rewarding of occupations. Still, I'd grown rather used to it."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like...and Little Miss Foot In Mouth strikes again. But face it, Giles. You got the good part of the deal."

"How's that?"

"You get to keep your brain, which is way above average and filled with all sorts of useful things to learn and know, plus you get the Slayer strength. What am I left with? My brain which, no matter what you say, isn't anywhere near as smart as yours and your body which has seen a few miles. Not that it's not a nice body. I mean, you've kept it in good shape even if it's a little scarred up in spots and stuff. But it doesn't have super strength or Slayer healing or hyper-impressive hearing and night vision. It's...just a body, which is fine, but not like being the Slayer. It is kinda nice, though, to be able to reach things on the top shelves of stuff. I'll give you that."

"It's nice to know it's better in some way," he observed, "if only in superior reach."

"Don't get snarky with me. You know what I mean. You know so many things I'll never know."

"So you think you have nothing to offer because you don't read five languages and are currently unable to kill demons without getting winded? Why do you insist on thinking so little of yourself?"

"Is there really a reason I shouldn't?"

Giles reached out and touched Buffy on the jaw.

"There's one. Just there."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"That's the spot where you hit me to stop me going to meet The Master in your place. I thought for a moment when I came to that you'd broken it." He smiled fondly. "You were only sixteen and you knew that you were going to your death, but you went anyway. You didn't let a little thing like that stop you."

"So I have a talent for death. Great. Just what I wanted for Christmas."

"That's not what I meant, Buffy. If anything, you have the opposite: a talent for life. Do you have any idea how much I've learned from you since we met? I spent so many years after Eyghon in hiding from the world, from myself, I was damn near mummified when I came here. Then you came along and reminded me that there was so much more to living than duty and rules and...tweed. You made me believe that, perhaps, I could have more. Friendship, laughter, even love."

"That love thing hasn't ever worked out so well for either one of us, has it?"

"Not as yet, I'll admit. But I'm not ready to give up hope, and I don't believe you should either. You're a lovely young woman, inside and out. Any man who can get your love ought to be proud to have it."

Buffy ducked her head as her eyes filled with more tears.

"You think way too much of me, Giles."

"Nonsense. Who's the smart one here?"

"I never said you weren't insane."

"I might have known you'd leave yourself a loophole."

The pair chuckled and leaned against one another.

Part 12b

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"As loopholes go, I have to say it's one of my better ones." She sat silent for a moment. "Giles?" she said at last, "Why don't we ever hug?"

"We do," he protested. She shot him an amused look. "Well, we do...sometimes. We have a few times..."

"Not many. Why is that?"

"I suppose because we're neither of us very tactile people. We're not inclined to touch casually."

"But I hug Will. And I hug Xander sometimes. I think I've hugged Anya more times than you. That's just wrong."

"Is that what you were brooding about when I came in?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Nah. I just wondered."

Giles smiled.

"If you're hinting that you'd like a hug, you know you can just try giving me one."

"Really? Anytime? No big disaster necessary?"

"Not even a little one."

With that, Buffy wrapped her arms around Giles and laid her head atop his. She sighed contentedly.

"Know what, Giles?"

"What?"

"This is nice. It's nice when we're friends. I don't want to be mad at you anymore."

"I must admit, I'd rather we were past all this misunderstanding, too."

"Then let's be past it. I missed you. A lot. But I think this hugging thing is better the other way around."

"What way is that?"

"When I'm the little one and you're the big one. Makes me feel all girly and protected."

"It does at that. I find I like the feeling myself. It's a nice break from feeling the need to take care of everyone, to be the one being taken care of."

Buffy pulled back, startled.

"I never thought about it, but you must get as tired of that as I do. Who takes care of you, Giles?"

"I do."

"Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. You take care of me a little, and I'll take care of you back."

Giles flashed one of his quick, tiny smiles and blushed.

"Buffy...may I ask you something?"

"Sure, Giles. What?"

"Why is my body wearing a leather suit? I know I didn't own one before."

Buffy grinned sheepishly and held out her arms to display the outfit.

"Surprise? Like it?"

"It's...it's...I suppose it's...a well-made suit. I'm just not quite certain it's...me."

Buffy looked crestfallen.

"I thought you looked good in it."

"Buffy...I'm sure the suit is very nice, but I'm forty-eight years old. A man my age in a leather suit...well, he usually looks a bit of a prat."

"But you don't look all pratty in it. I think you look sorta...sexy."

Giles raised his eyebrows. It took him a moment to find his voice.

"S - sexy...?"

"Don't visit coronaryland over it, Giles. I just meant you look good and you shouldn't hide it. If you'd dressed like this when you first got here, maybe I would've listened to you more."

"If I'd dressed like that when you first met me, you'd have laughed yourself sick. You thought I was Methuselah back then."

"Hey, if you'd worn something like this that first day, I would never have thought you were old. It wouldn't have killed you to wear an earring now and then, either. What was with all the tweed, anyway? I've seen other Watchers, y'know. It's not like it's a uniform or anything. I mean, can you even imagine Wes in one of those awful tweed suits you used to wear with those ugly sweater vests?"

"Why did you get your hair cut like this? Why did you get a job that required you to wear such a hideous uniform?"

"Okay, I started the twenty questions game. You don't get your turn until you answer me."

"This is my answer. Buffy, you could have got a job easily in a dress shop or a sporting goods store or any number of places, yet you chose the fast food restaurant with the most ridiculous uniform there is. You cut off all your lovely hair. I know you've had it around this length before, but it was different...bigger somehow, and it looked better."

"It's easy to take care of that way. I don't spend half my morning blowdrying. And Doublemeat Palace was hiring."

"And I had tweed suits that had plenty of wear left in them. And if I wore them with sweater vests underneath, women paid me little or no attention."

"Miss Calendar paid attention."

"Yes, well, she had quite an eye for...potential."

"So you think I'm trying to not be seen?"

"I do. Or you were until you got into my body, whereupon you seem to have developed an exhibitionist streak."

"You have no idea how many girls checked you out today."

"Th - they did?"

"Yeah, they did. And it felt...kinda nice...even if it was you they were really looking at and not me, and even if they were girls, which is not my usual thing at all, but y'know, it's all good. And there were a couple guys even. That felt better. But, of course, I know that if I was me and not you, those particular guys wouldn't be interested in me anymore. Still. It was nicer than I remembered."

"And I have a new wardrobe out of it. Lucky me."

"Jealous that I was getting all the looks?"

"It seems as if I was the one getting all the looks. You just got to reap the egotistical benefits of the situation.

"I worked hard for my egotistical benefits, buddy."

"Ah yes, I'm sure it was a great burden to you, running up my credit card, trying on clothes. A terrible sacrifice."

"Darn tootin', it was. Do you have any idea how aggressively icksome some men's clothes are? And look who I'm asking. I withdraw the question."

"And I suppose you've never worn anything that wasn't the last word in taste and elegance?"

Buffy shrugged and smiled.

"Can I help it if my fashion sense is perfect?"

"Shall we take a tour through your closet and see just how accurate that theory is? I seem to recall a pair of quite dreadful tie dye trousers..."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Giles.

"You want me to go borrow some shirts from Xander and wear those?"

"In that case, your sartorial taste is utterly irreproachable."

"My what?"

"Your clothing preferences."

"Knew you'd see things my way."

"So are you ready to talk to me?"

Buffy stared.

"What have we been doing since you got here? Waterskiing?"

"About whatever had you so upset earlier, Buffy."

"Oh. That."

Buffy stood and began to wander around the room, occasionally picking something up and putting it down again without really looking at it. Giles sat patiently on the bed and waited for her to find the words.

At last, she put down a final trinket on her dresser and turned to face Giles.

"Do you get lots of headaches, Giles?" she blurted out.

Giles blinked owlishly and furrowed his brow.

"I do get them, certainly. Between years of eyestrain from late night research sessions, lack of sleep, and the fairly astonishing number of head injuries I've had in my life, I probably get more than the average person does. But I'm perfectly well."

"Is that all? You're sure it's just that stuff? I mean, when was the last time you saw a doctor about it?"

Giles moved to where Buffy stood.

"Buffy...you're shaking. Are you...you think I'm ill, don't you? Buffy, I promise you, I don't have a tumor. I'm not dying."

"That's what I thought about Mom. And then she did."

"Thus proving there are no guarantees in life. But I promise you, insofar as it is possible to do so, that I am going to live a long time yet."

Buffy ducked her head and turned to face her dresser again.

"I know I'm being stupid. It's just...when I - you - I'm not even sure which one of us got it anymore, but I couldn't help thinking...and I know one little headache doesn't mean that much."

"It's all right. I can understand why you would be a bit jumpy about that. I was the same way when my mother died. Except it was stroke I was worried about."

"Your mom died?"

"When I was eighteen."

"Wow. That's harsh. And I feel slightly less like the most pathetic human being on the planet knowing that. That you freaked too."

"It's getting late. Why don't you get some sleep, Buffy? We can talk more in the morning if you like."

"Sure. Great. After all, it's not like my body has anywhere to be tomorrow since you quit my job."

"Nor has mine since you spent every cent I'm likely ever to have on a suit I would never have bought myself."

"But you look so hot in it."

"Good night, Buffy."

"So you're couchbound?"

"I thought it best."

"Oh. Okay."

Giles sighed.

"Did you want me to stay for some reason?"

"No. I mean...sort of," Buffy snorted in frustration. "Look, Giles, I know it's sorta weird, but I slept better last night than I have in a long time. It was kinda like having a really oversized, warm teddy bear with me."

Giles glowered at her.

"A teddy bear? What am I to be next? Your security blanket? Your faithful watchdog?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...I feel safe with you. I know you're a person, Giles, honest. But I trust you. And in case you haven't noticed, there aren't a whole lot of people I can trust. Maybe I said it all wrong, but what I meant is really a good thing. There aren't that many things that make me feel safe. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not as safe as you think, Buffy."

"What? Because you used to be Ripper and raise demons? That was before I was even born."

"Thank you for that reminder that I'm neutered."

"You're not neutered, Giles. In fact, I'm in a position to say now that you're about as manly as they get. I even know now why you always wore such baggy pants when you've got such a tight butt. It's just...you don't do that stuff now."

"No, I don't. But sometimes I'd rather not be reminded what I've become."

"If it makes you feel better, I bet you still could be Ripper if you wanted."

"No, that's too far past."

"Only because you want it to be. Only because you decided to be Giles, who, I have to say, I like a whole lot better."

"You do?"

"A whole lot. I'm officially over the whole bad boy thing. Not interested in guys who just make trouble and hurt people. I've decided it's much more interesting to deal with guys who could be bad, but aren't."

"Sounds to me as if you're only half over the 'bad boy thing'."

"Maybe. But at least I'm over the right half."

Giles laughed silently.

"And that is a great improvement, I must say. All right, against my better judgement, I'll stay."

He took a set of Buffy's pajamas and headed for the bathroom.

"Giles, what are you doing?"

"Going to change my clothes?"

"It's my body. I've seen it before. You don't have to be all stuffy about it."

Giles stared for a moment, then broke out into a loud bark of laughter.

"It is rather silly, isn't it?"

Buffy joined in the laughter as they both began to undress for bed.

They were both still giggling when they climbed into bed and Buffy turned out the light.

*****

Part 13

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

The next two days were spent in virtually nonstop research. Every moment any of the gang had free was immediately filled with reading, net surfing, donut eating, and organization of what little evidence had been found. When everybody began to drop with exhaustion, they headed to their beds. If any of the gang had anything to say about the fact that Buffy and Giles shared a bed every night, they kept it to themselves.

On the third night, Giles announced that they all needed a break and told everybody to close their books. Buffy was the first to take him up on the offer. She rubbed her eyes.

"Goodie. I was going seriously cross-eyed here. I swear, Giles, I just got you new glasses, but I'm thinking it's time to hit Lenscrafters again. I think they got the prescription wrong."

"You might try actually resting my eyes once in a while. Go spend some time with Willow or something. I'm going to do a quick patrol and turn in early."

"Be careful, Giles."

"I'll be fine, Buffy. Remember, I train you."

"Yeah, but last night you broke a nail. I don't want to have to redo the manicure again already."

Giles rolled his eyes in reply and was out the door.

Buffy and Willow headed home for a girls' night in. They settled in with ice cream, romantic videotapes, and bare feet. In no time the tape was forgotten in favor of gossip.

"So what's it like, Buffy? Being a guy?"

"Pretty weird, Will. I keep feeling like I need a shave all over, but I don't think Giles would go for that."

"Um...how much shaving are we talking here? We're not talking...like...shoulders or anything, right?"

Buffy smiled.

"The shoulders are just fine. It's not like Giles is an ape guy or anything. Just...I'm not used to being this hairy. Or having...stuff."

"Stuff...?" Willow frowned in puzzlement, then her eyes grew wide as she understood. "Oh! Stuff. Like...stuff. Yeah, that's gotta be weird."

"Weird does about sum it up. I mean, I guess it isn't for Giles 'cause he always had it, but it's the uberfreak for me."

"I wonder how he's feeling not having...stuff."

"He's a little wigged sometimes, but I think the thing that gets him most is not being able to reach stuff...but not like...stuff. I mean like shelves and stuff like that stuff."

"I got you, Buff," Willow grinned. So...you guys haven't been..."

Buffy glared at Willow.

"Gutter brain. It's not like that. It's more a...comfort thing. And an answer strange questions in the middle of the night thing. And sometimes an explain the really funky things we've done with each others' lives thing. I don't think he's into his new wardrobe."

"How do you like your new haircut?"

"Tres Louise Brooks. Not something I was expecting. But I have to admit, it's sorta cute now I'm done yelling at him."

"It's funny, but when I had my First Slayer dream, you had that haircut in part of it. The part with the play. Only it was a lot darker. But I like it even when it's blonde."

"And he said something about the other being too much work to take care of. I think it's revenge for the leather suit."

"He does give you funny looks when you wear it."

"I think it's 'cause I told him I caught some guys checking out his butt when I wore it."

The girls giggled and turned their attention back to the movie. Several minutes later, Buffy turned to Willow with a thoughtful look.

"Hey Will? How do you think Giles would look with a goatee?"

"I'm thinking not happy."

"At least I'm not going to give him another tattoo. Speaking of which..." she rolled up her left sleeve. "Eyghon all gone. I wonder when he did that."

"I dunno, but it was gone when he came back after...you came back."

"You knew this? Why didn't I know this?"

"I just saw. One night. In the kitchen. A - and you were a little distracted then, so that's probably why you didn't see. That and the way Giles is Mr. Layers of clothes."

"He's really not one to show off the goods, is he?" Buffy stared at the movie pensively for a moment. She furrowed her brow and bit her lip. At last she turned to Willow again. "I know what he said to you. That night. Part of it, anyway."

"Buffy, we don't really need to bring this up, do we?"

"I think we do. I think part of why I've been such a big mess is that I've never talked to you and Xander about this. I tried to keep you from finding out where I'd been, and then I didn't want to talk about it when you found out because I didn't want you guys to feel bad. And because I wasn't sure what would happen if I let myself be mad at you."

Willow turned miserable eyes to her friend.

"You know we wanted to save you, right? And I know we didn't and I feel kinda bad about it, but are you really mad? I mean, you get to be alive again. Isn't that a good?"

"Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. But lately it's yes more than it's no. So I guess the answer would have to be...sort of. And it's taken me a while to get to this point. Don't get me wrong, Will; I love you guys and I know you were trying to do me a favor. It's just...if I die again...just...let me go. Don't do me anymore favors, okay?"

"Don't make me promise that, Buffy. Please."

"I know you don't want to, but when the time comes again, I really want you to move on and know that I'm okay. And you'll be okay without me, too. Just think, you could live without being in constant danger. Like it was before you met me."

Willow shook her head emphatically.

"It can't be like it was then, and I don't want it to be. Do you even remember what I was like then? Geek girl. Invisible geek girl."

"But safe. You and Xand were going along having your safe, perfectly contented little lives and then along comes Slaygal to stick you in the line of fire."

"The Hellmouth provided the line of fire. You saved us a bunch of times, and helped us learn to save other people. And you didn't just save my life a million times over; you made me like me. Everybody else looked at me and saw...not much. You saw more than just smart and nerdy. You made me see it, too."

"There was always a lot to see. You and Xand...you have no idea what it was like when I became the Slayer. Up to then I was worse than Cordelia was when I first met her. I was shallow and into what everyone else was into no matter how stupid it was because I didn't dare not like it in case nobody liked me. Being sheeplike was safer. Then suddenly, sacred duty, which didn't mix very well with sheepiness. No friends at all. Zip. Nada. And then there was the part where I couldn't tell anyone why I was suddenly spazz girl. Once you and Xander found out...somebody knew. Somebody understood. As much as anybody who doesn't have a sacred duty gig can understand."

"Is that why you and Faith got so...so...for a while there? Did you really think she could understand you better than me?"

Buffy shrugged.

"It was such a rush. Suddenly there was someone who I thought really got it all. And she seemed so confident; so sure of things."

"So psychopathic."

"In hindsight, yes. Definitely of the less than stable. But it was kinda nice for a while not to be the only freak."

"Buffy, you're not the only freak...that didn't come out right."

Buffy laughed.

"It's okay, Will. I got you. So do you promise? Will you let me go next time?"

"Buffy..."

"Please, Will. Next time I want it to end. No bringing me back, no getting anyone else to bring me back."

Willow smiled wryly.

"You had to take away my loophole, didn't you?"

"I know my Willow. Promise?"

"Okay. I promise. But could you promise me something, Buffy?"

"What's that?"

"Don't make me keep this one anytime soon."

"I'll do my best."

The girls hugged fiercely.

"That's one nice thing about being Giles," Buffy commented as she held her friend.

"What's that, Buff?"

"I can hug people as hard as I want and not worry about hurting them. I could get used to that."

"You'll never get used to it, freak girl."

Buffy giggled.

"You know me way too well, Will."

"Buffy? What happens when you and Giles get back to normal?"

Buffy pulled back and looked at the floor.

"I thought we just agreed I was a freak."

Willow rolled her eyes.

"As normal as you guys ever get."

Buffy shrugged.

"I dunno. We haven't talked much about it."

"Well...what do you want to happen?"

"I know...I know I want him to stay."

"Have you told him that?"

"I've hinted. But he always changes the subject. Pretty clear he's not with that program. Almost makes me hope we don't find an answer too soon."

"Maybe it's not that he doesn't want to stay. Maybe it's that he's not so sure you want him to. Did you ever think of that?"

"What are you saying, Will?"

"I'm saying stop hinting and just say what you mean, you big dummy. Come right out and tell him you want him to stay."

"And if he still won't?"

"Then at least you gave it your best shot. Just carpe the damn diem already, Buff."

Buffy squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.

"Okay. This is me getting ready to carpe Giles' diem. I'll do it tonight. I don't want to lose him, Will."

Willow smiled wryly at her friend.

"Were you telling me the truth with that whole 'comfort thing' thing?"

Buffy tried very hard not to blush.

"Could I just take the fifth, here?"

"You want to carpe Giles...like that?"

"Too freaksome?"

"I dunno. It might be just about the right amount of freaksome."

"If I don't freak Giles."

"Buffy," Willow chided. "You've been doing that since tenth grade. Why change now?"

*****

Part 14

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Adrenaline rushed through Giles' veins as the vampire flew into the wall of the mausoleum. He raced forward to pummel the creature of the night into submission. One final kick to the goolies and the vampire was ready for staking. He raised his weapon on high.

Suddenly a pair of preternaturally strong arms grabbed him from behind and lifted him off the ground. He kicked wildly until his foot made contact with the creature's kneecap with a sickening crunch of bone. His assailant fell. Giles rolled to his feet and quickly staked the creature.

He turned to finish off the first vampire.

Which was suddenly nowhere to be seen.

Giles huffed in frustration.

"Well, at least I got one."

He dusted himself off and peered around in hopes of finding another unholy menace to destroy. When he realized there wasn't one, he put up Mr. Pointy and headed back toward Revello Drive, doing his best to ignore the feelings building inside him.

If he'd been in his own body, he'd have been hurrying to the nearest private spot he could find. Someplace where he could touch himself without fear of interruption.

But in Buffy's body...

Giles growled in frustration.

Another night of cold showers and holding Buffy, pretending to be her friend when he wanted to take her in his arms and make her forget every other man she'd ever been with.

Except that there she was in his body, and he in hers.

All philosophical questions aside, the mechanics of the situation were bound to be awkward. Not to mention the strangeness of wanting someone who was, to all intents and purposes, himself. A man.

But she was still Buffy, penis or no.

And he didn't dare touch her. He didn't dare even consider it.

Not that that stopped him.