The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
Note of What Has Gone Before: Voyager's efforts to reach home took a substantial leap forward with the discovery of a subspace communications array that reached all the way back to the Alpha Quadrant. Using the Doctor as a messenger, Voyager was able to contact Starfleet and trade information. The Alpha Quadrant was now a very different place, deeply embroiled in a war with the Dominion. The Dominion had exterminated the Maquis, and pushed the Federation to the brink. Even so, some note of optimism could be felt, since Starfleet now knew of Voyager's plight and promised to send help.
However, Voyager also faced a new enemy, the Hirgon, a species dedicated to hunting, who claimed the array as their own. One early encounter resulted in the capture of Tuvok and Seven, who barely escaped with their lives.
Captain’s Personal Log:
I had been dumped in a letter. I had almost lost my closest friend and security officer not to mention my new found pet to some idiot trophy hunters. It was with great pleasure that I watched their ship be sucked into that black hole piece by piece. I very much hoped that their deaths were painful. For a short while, the anger kept me from thinking about the ramifications of the last few days on my personal life. It would only be for a short while.
Before I could explore the intriguing reports from the Doctor and Tuvok about Seven’s tireless devotion to fulfilling my wishes even at the risk of her health and safety, I had to face the Commander. The expression in his eyes when I told him about Mark grabbed at my heart. It was full of empathy and passion and, I had to admit, love. There was so much love. And there was resolve. There was such resolve.
So the Commander and I went to the party and toasted the Maquis who had lost their lives in a war we didn’t understand. I was pleased at how the Starfleet crew was able to empathize and comfort the people we were sent to arrest. We had become a family. Amidst the mourning they began sharing letters and news from the Alpha Quadrant. I watched my Circle quietly. Kim had an undercurrent of joy that lit up the room. The Ensign was as the Ensign always was. Seven was reserved, but I could tell that the news about this conflict with the Dominion interested her. She and Tuvok and Chakotay were engrossed in speculation about that for a time.
My former pets were participating but weren’t as happy as the others. I understood Torres’ sadness. Tom’s somberness surprised me. He was always able to share in the joy of his crewmates even if he was unhappy himself. I approached him when Torres wandered off to talk with some of her engineering team.
"Tom? May I join you?"
He looked startled. "Of course."
I waved him not to stand. I settled across from him over the small table.
"Forgive me, Tom. I should have spoken to you sooner about this," I began.
"It’s alright, Captain."
"No. I know you, Tom. As much as you dread hearing his words, you crave them."
"You know how I enjoy pain," he smiled weakly.
"Not emotional pain. I know you love your father. You may never believe it in your head, but he loves you," I said.
"Forgive me, Captain, but he certainly didn’t know how to show it," he replied bitterly.
"He saw how dangerous the universe is and how reckless his beautiful son was and spent his life fighting you for your life," I said quietly. "He cared a lot about you, Tom. I wish you heard what I heard him say about you."
Tom chuckled softly. "So do I. But what makes you so sure of what his message would be?"
I put my hand over his. "Among the messages I had the Doctor send was one directly to your father about exactly how pivotal you have been to Voyager’s survival.
"When your father was pleased with good work, he knew how to give praise and support. Couple that with his feelings for you and the relief that you had survived, I believe that letter would have made your heart quite full."
Tom’s eyes had a sheen but he still looked doubtful.
"I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll share some of my correspondence with your father about you," I said. "For the rest, you’ll have to trust me. Do you remember how to trust me?"
Tom smiled sadly at me. "I haven’t forgotten."
"Well, what do we have here?" Torres asked in a clipped tone. Then she said more quietly: "Is this shunning from the group only one way?"
I gave her a level stare with a warm smile, but my voice though quiet was very stern. "I will forgive that because of the high emotions tonight, but do not forget to whom you are speaking on which ever level you choose."
Torres blushed. "Yes, Ma’am. I’m sorry. The last few days have been crazy for me."
"I forgive you... this time," I said. "Take your lady to your quarters and comfort each other like you’re suppose to."
"Yes, Ma’am," Tom said. "Let’s go, B’Elanna."
"Just as well. I don’t want to watch this disaster in the making," Torres said. "Captain, why do you let this go on?"
I looked over in the direction of Torres’ concern to find Harry chatting with Seven. He was very animated. She was listening intently. I was pleased. It was a sweet scene.
"Why would I interfere?"
Torres sputtered. "He’s heading for a lot of pain. This is all one sided."
"Is it?" I asked getting up from the table. "Take care of each other for now. Enjoy the relationship."
It was time to go. The Commander was smoldering at me. I was afraid he would make a declaration of undying love in front of everyone there. Besides, I knew that I had to face him. Waiting was making me a little crazy. I needed to just get it over with.
I was in his arms the moment the doors closed. I was flush with his body held by my head against the curve of his shoulder. The fingers of one hand were massaging my scalp. The other hand was massaging the small of my back. I sighed into his strong, solid body allowing my arms to go around his neck.
"I won’t stay long. I just wanted to see you home," he murmured.
"Why?" I pulled back to look in his eyes. They were warm and just a little amused.
"You have a lot on your mind with all that’s happened. Then there is the melodrama brewing in your Circle," he said.
"Ever the voyeur, huh?"
"I prefer observer," he smiled.
"Do you want to know what’s going on?"
He shook his head with a small smile. "Only if it threatens the safety of the ship."
"You never know with my pets. I’ll keep you posted," I chuckled. "You don’t have to go."
He gazed at me intently. "You sure?"
I nuzzled against him. "I don’t want to be alone. You really shouldn’t be alone."
His lips brushed my forehead. "If I stay, I’ll need to kiss you."
I trembled from the warm breath in my ear. Chakotay kissed my temple. I leaned in close to him. I wanted his kiss, but didn’t want to ask for it. Mark had behaved in a very perfectly reasonable manner. There was no arguing that. Yet the fact that he was able to move on and live without me bruised my ego. I wanted to be lusted after and thoroughly seduced.
Chakotay’s fingers grasped my hair firmly then gently tilted my head back. I was being so incredibly foolish, I thought. The expression in his eyes should have made me run from him, lock my door and not surface for the sixty years left on this trip. The desire, the incendiary desire I could handle. It was the love. He wasn’t hiding the tender love I knew had the strength of tritanium. I closed my eyes in self defense.
His lips caressed my eyelids, worshiped my face. I sighed. Then in answer to my anticipation, his lips brushed over mine. When I moaned, his mouth took possession of mine. My knees buckled. Chakotay grunted, then hoisted me into his arms.
"You should have sent me away, Kathryn. Once I taste your lips, I have to taste all of your skin," he said against my mouth. I whimpered wanting more of his kiss. He obliged delving his tongue into my mouth enticing my tongue to play. I was unaware of where I was until my back lapsed onto the mattress. Chakotay’s wonderful, warm weight covered me as the kiss continued.
I surrendered to the kiss and to him. I didn’t care about what his tender intensity could mean to our relationship. I’d forgotten about what he called the melodrama of the Circle. I lost myself in the heady bubbly feeling that a love’s kiss can spark in a lonely heart.
We made love the way we always had. Chakotay tongued and sucked at my clit with relish and determination until I thought coming again was impossible. Then he pushed that wonderfully thick cock in me and I found that I had a few more rolling orgasms left. As always, I enjoyed the way he growled before spilling inside me. I adored the crushing heaviness of his relaxed weight afterward knowing that I had brought him to this near comatose state. And, as
always, I enjoyed the way he held me protectively against him as we drifted into contented sleep. But I knew that this time was different and for the moment, I needed to distance myself from the increasingly hard to resist Commander until I figured out how to handle it.
I was in my Ready Room long before I needed to be despite the warm sleepy contentment I felt in Chakotay’s arms. He barely stirred when I disengaged myself from his embrace. When I tiptoed out of my quarters, he was tucked in my bed hugging a pillow with a sweet small smile on his handsome face.
It was a cowardly maneuver especially for a Mistress, but it couldn’t be helped. All the will I had to fight him had melted away in a puddle. I needed something to get back my resolve. I wasn’t fighting the Commander because I didn’t care or because of protocol or fear of loss of control. Though when I was brutally honest with myself, those factors had impact on my decision.
At the heart of the matter was the fact that, like my Circle, I still had emotional baggage to sort through. Before it was how do I embrace life with Chakotay when my life with Mark had no closure. In the aftermath of the Letter, I was left wondering how I could choose a life mate so quickly when it took me so long to choose Mark. What if I was wrong?
I knew I needed time and the Circle to get to the point where my head agreed with what my heart already knew. So I hid in my Ready Room. The first message I noticed was from Seven marked Personal and Confidential.
"Ohh..." I thought, activating the message after locking the door.
Personal Log, Seven Of Nine:
I have forwarded this record to you at the suggestion of Ensign Kim for reasons which will become apparent as you view this account.
In the weeks following my first copulation with Ensign Kim, I thought about the events. My thoughts returned to the two instances with increasing frequency over time. These thoughts stimulated a physical and mental desire to experience the sensations of copulation once more.
The gathering after the incident with the Hirogen brought these thoughts once again with much more clarity and strength. The reason for this eludes me. Perhaps it was Ensign Kim’s warmth at the party. I appreciated his sharing both of his happiness and the letter from his parents. Even though they are strangers to me, I could feel the intense emotions they have for him. Their bond seemed to almost approach that of the Collective, and I could see the trauma that their separation must have caused. After reading their letter, I understood why Ensign Kim is so happy and friendly.
You were very warm last night as well. The looks you gave to both Lieutenant Paris and Commander Chakotay were well guarded, but not undetectable. The gaze was reminiscent of the way you looked at me the night we copulated with Ensign Kim.
The memory caused a biochemical response which resulted in a release of vaginal lubricant similar to when Ensign Kim physically stimulated my nipples. At the same time, my nipples also reacted in a similar manner. By the evening’s end, I felt a physical need for the friction caused by the movement of Ensign Kim’s penis in my vagina.
I thought this feeling would pass if I concentrated on my work. It did not. In fact, I found that I was making errors. In an attempt to resume productivity, I attempted self stimulation. By manipulating my nipples with my right hand, and my clitoris with my left, I attempted to reach orgasm. The only result was an even greater increase in vaginal lubricants. I was forced to remove my uniform and stimulate the areas directly. After seventeen minutes
work, I succeeded in achieving an orgasm, but of an inferior grade. The desire had not subsided. Since it was Ensign’s Kim’s penis I desired, I searched the Astrometrics Lab for a substitute. Smaller tools in the Lab proved to be inadequate. After considerable tests, I choose a 23 centimeter spectral analyzer, which I inserted fully and vigorously. This produced superior responsiveness over any other instrument available. Unfortunately, simply inserting the analyzer while seated did not provide an optimal angle of attack. Raising my legs helped, but I considered supporting them on the console to be a serious breach of safety protocols. I chose to kneel on the floor of the Lab, working the analyzer with my free hand. After an additional twenty minutes I successfully achieved a sufficient number of orgasms.
I removed and cleaned the analyzer, and put my uniform back on, fully intending to resume my work. However, within a few minutes, the desires returned, even stronger then ever. I decided to abandon my course of action and approach Ensign Kim.
He answered his door promptly and was quite alert. I determined that he had not gone to sleep.
"I apologize for disturbing you at this hour," I said.
"You weren’t, Seven. What can I do for you?" He said.
"I would like to copulate," I said.
"You should come inside," he said. He looked out into the corridor. I realized that he was concerned about someone hearing us. That was not likely. The crew on his deck were already on duty or had early calls. They would be asleep. Nonetheless, I entered his quarters without speaking further.
He indicated the sofa where I seated myself. Ensign Kim sat across from me. He smiled. He touched my hair, stroking it on my left side with the back of his hand.
"Seven, haven’t you learned anything from the first time we were together?" He said.
"You wish to fondle me before we do this?" I said.
"I want you to fondle me," he said. His voice had a softer tone to it. Either the words or his tone made the lubrication increase.
"I want you to touch me, Seven," he said.
I looked at him. I looked at his lips. I wanted to touch him again. Something about his response to my touch made my responses more intense. There were also tactile elements to touching Ensign Kim that I enjoyed. The soft thickness of his hair fascinated me. For reasons that eluded me, I found the soft smoothness over his muscles intriguing. I understand the biochemical triggers induce procreation, but there was something more than a primal response. Other males did not induce the same interest in me.
I am digressing. This subject is still very new to me. I find that I must process what I am experiencing before I continue.
Ensign Kim waited. His expression was warm and encouraging. I moved to kneel between his legs as he had with me. This was still new to me, so I did what he did. I touched his face. The musculature and tissues were nothing extraordinary, yet I enjoyed the warm smoothness of his face. When I touched his lips, he licked my fingers then sucked them. That pleased me. I liked his tongue. I wanted to taste it again.
I held his face, then moved my lips across his. Ensign Kim opened his mouth, and I inserted my tongue. I found that I was eager to thrust my tongue inside. We kissed this way for a time. It was long enough for him to unpin my hair and entwine his fingers in it. He did no more than that. When he pulled back, he looked at me, presumably waiting.
Ensign Kim’s sleeping attire was soft. The color was a deep red which suited his coloring. I liked how it looked on him.
"Touch me, Seven. Touch me anywhere. It won’t be wrong," he said.
I touched him. My fingers moved along his throat to his collarbone. As I traced along them, I pushed the shirt off of his shoulders. I licked his collarbone and for some reason bit and sucked at his neck. Ensign Kim moaned then. He pressed against me. Then I could feel how firm his penis had become. I moaned as well.
"Kiss me, Seven... please," he said.
I wanted that. So I kissed him. During that kiss, I felt the back of my uniform open. I pulled away.
"We should go to the bedroom," I said.
"Yes, that would be a good idea," he said.
I followed Ensign Kim, removing my clothes as I went. Ensign Kim began to remove his clothes as well.
"Do not undress," I said.
That confused him. "Why?" He said.
"You said I would undress you next time," I said.
Ensign Kim blinked at me five times.
"Okay," he said. Then he turned down the bed covers and climbed onto the mattress.
I remembered what you taught me in the previous encounter. As I bared his skin, I tongued him then brushed the same area with my nipples. It was a slow process undressing Ensign Kim, though he was co-operative. What is perplexing is that any refinements to the procedure make the process slower rather than more efficient.
Once Ensign Kim was naked, I turned him over and began to lick him on a path back to his head. He enjoyed this in general, but there were certain areas, such as his buttox, that made him react strongly when I brushed my tongue then my nipples over them. He moaned then shifted position but remained on his stomach until I was kissing his neck once again.
That was when Ensign Kim turned over and pinned me beneath his body. His kisses were rougher and more intense but I enjoyed it as much as I did the softer ones. However, as much as his kisses pleased me, I needed more attention to my nipples. I addressed the issue.
"Suck my nipples," I said.
Ensign Kim complied, swirling his tongue in a counter clockwise motion over my left and then my right nipples. As he did so, he used one hand to knead the opposite breast.
He parted my legs with his knee, then rubbed it against my clitoris. I began to arch my hips against him. The urge for his penis was very strong.
Ensign Kim seemed to know this. Almost as soon as I thought it, he was pushing inside of me. He stopped once he was fully inserted. It seemed that he was attempting to regulate his breathing. I arched my hips against him. I wanted the movement as well. Ensign Kim made a sound, like a growl.
"I know you want it. I’m going to give it to you," he said.
Again, his words and his tome induced a physical response. I moaned. He began thrusting into me. I kissed him roughly this time. This thrusting went on longer than before. To optimize the friction, I shifted my legs, until they were raised against my body, braced against Ensign Kim’s body. I felt a building of a need or a tension then an incredible spasm of pleasure that radiated from the point of the thrusting throughout my body.
Ensign Kim felt the orgasm.
"I’m coming with you," he said. Then he grunted and I felt him ejaculate.
He held me until we were both more composed. I did not feel the urge to leave right away as I did before.
"How do you schedule your time with the Captain as the Mistress?" I said.
"I don’t. She does. Generally, we have sessions when the ship is running smoothly with no trouble in immediate range," he said.
"How do I approach her about having sessions?" I said.
He smiled then.
"Send her a detailed log about this and you will have her attention," he said.
For some reason, I didn’t leave Ensign Kim until he fell asleep. I went to my chamber and prepared this log. I wish to schedule a session with you in your capacity as Mistress.
I await your reply. Seven of Nine out.
"Wow," I thought. "This certainly deserves a reply."
As was my custom on Earth with new slaves, I sent her a list of instructions and questions that would tell me all of her pleasure points. I hadn’t done this on Voyager because my pets weren’t walking into the Circle with full knowledge of the game. They were being seduced. What made this even more enticing is that I would get to witness Seven’s discovery of most of them. I sent Harry a thank you note with a copy of the log. I would share her responses to my instructions as well. He had certainly earned it.
I was about to send a note to Barrows when I received one from her with another private log attached. This one was Torres’. I shook my head in exasperation. I would have to talk to her about raiding private logs.
"My Dear One," she began, "I’m so sorry about Mark. I’m certain he married your other fiance, Susan. I never liked the reports of them in sessions without you no matter how benign you made it sound. I wish you still had access to that array so that I could revoke his membership to the Club.
"No matter. We must contend with the here and now. There is trouble in paradise with your former pets. You should know because it may impact the Circle. I also want to talk to you about the Commander," she said.
"I know you do," I replied. "But I can’t talk about him with you right now. Let’s see what you’re so concerned about."
Torres’ Personal Log:
I can’t believe I even went to that party. Not that I was angry anymore. I felt guilty. For the first couple of years on Voyager I felt sorry for myself and the Maquis because I felt we had paid the ultimate price for our cause. Then I felt guilty for actually having a life and enjoying it while my friends were being annihilated.
Chakotay’s talk helped a little. It may have had more of an impact if I put as much faith in cosmic forces as he does. There were very real beings involved in all of the junctures of our lives since the beginning of this trip. He would argue that we both found acceptance and purpose. Hell, from the ecstatic expression on Chakotay’s face, I wouldn’t be surprised if he weren’t in his quarters whittling a cradle. I’d love to know what caused that.
He was right though. And what do I to the person who accepted me? I insult the Captain when she was helping the man I love through a crisis. Then, I embarrass myself in front of her over Harry and that damned Seven.
Tom was wrong. The Mistress was wrong. I wasn’t jealous. She didn’t deserve him. She was cold -- frigid. He was so warm and gentle. Seven could never appreciate Kim’s quiet adoration and the tenderness of his kiss. She would analyze every move he made and ruin his confidence.
This train of thought was getting no where. And I had a naked Tom Paris next to me. Of course, Tom didn’t ask why I went from silent and stoic to voracious and demanding. The man just couldn’t resist a woman straddling him. He was ready in an instant. He simply attached his mouth to my nipples and started thrusting. And he had a lot of energy stored up from the tension of the last few days. I fell over immediately after coming from the rough ride then lapsed into a deep sleep.
I’m not sure how long I was asleep. It didn’t feel like very long before I was awakened by a disturbance next to me in bed. The mattress was trembling and I could hear panting near my ear. It took a few moments but the reality of the situation struck me with sudden clarity.
"You’re jacking off, aren’t you?"
"What?" He asked. I could hear the arousal in his voice.
"Do you want me? Do you want to fuck?"
There was a silence. "Yeah. Let’s do it."
"You don’t want me. If you want to fuck me, you would have done something about it."
"Who else would I be thinking of?"
He was trying to deflect me. I think he would have said anything to get my mind off the subject and back to his hard-on. I simmered for a moment. Who would get him so worked up and who wouldn’t he want to talk to me about it?
"Seven," I said. "You were thinking about Seven."
Tom went perfectly still then.
"I knew it."
"I can’t help it. Ever since Harry fucked her that’s all I can think about," Tom said. "It has nothing to do with my feelings for you."
"He did not fuck her!"
"Oh, yes, he did."
"I don’t believe this. Now I know I looked like a fool in front of Janeway," I said. "Why didn’t you tell me?"
"Maybe because every time someone mentions Seven, steam comes out of your ears," Tom retorted.
I was silent for a while. My anger dissipated as images of Seven and Harry together filled my mind.
"Do you think the Mistress has had her?" I asked.
"Harry couldn’t keep that from her. Hell, she seems to know those sorts of things without being told," Tom replied. "It’s some sort of paranormal Mistress thing."
We were quiet again, but I could feel Tom’s wheels turning.
"How did you know that I was thinking about Seven specifically?" Tom asked. "It could have been the Mistress. It could easily have been Kim."
I froze for a moment. "Because that would be the most annoying."
"Oh no, B’Elanna, you’re not getting off that easily," he said. I felt him turn and look at me. "Why did Seven pop into your head as someone I’d be jacking off over?"
I didn’t answer him.
"You’ve been thinking about her, haven’t you?"
I knew with a start that he was right. He was absolutely right. And I wasn’t just thinking of whipping the skin off of that rigid back. I wanted to find out how she tasted and if those tits were sensitive and one thing I knew the Mistress wanted to know badly: how that ass would take a paddle.
"Yes," I said. "I’ve been going over and over what the sessions would be like."
Tom put his forehead to mine and sighed. "Yeah."
I took a slow deep breath before asking the next question. "Any regrets?"
Tom’s lips brushed mine. "No. It’s just that the not knowing is driving me crazy."
"Yeah," I replied. "What do you want to see done to her?"
Tom smiled and we said together: "Tit fucking."
I felt his erection pressing against me. I arched against him encouraging the hardness.
"How would you do it," I whispered.
Tom groaned kissing me fiercely. "I would go after her nipples with my tongue and my teeth," he replied huskily.
Tom swirled his tongue around my nipples then sucked them into hardness. Then, he started nipping at them with his teeth. I started bucking against him.
"Hold your tits together for me. I’ll take care of your throbbing little box," he whispered.
I pushed my breasts together. Tom wet the crevice he created with his tongue while he pushed his fingers inside me and started finger fucking me. He took me roughly with his hand while this mouth continued to work my nipples. I came with a growl that should have shook the room. I was still throbbing when Tom straddled me and pushed his cock between my tits. He didn’t last long. I didn’t wonder if it was me or her he was thinking about when his come sprayed over my chest and face. Afterward, he cleaned me off with gentle hands then held me as we both fell asleep.
Considering all we’d been through, I couldn’t complain about the way the night went. We worked through our argument without storming out of bed and not speaking for days. But I couldn’t help thinking about the fact that it took support from the Captain and the techniques of the Circle to get through it. Maybe we turned away too quickly from the group support the Circle provided. Maybe I’m thinking too much.
I turned off the monitor.
"Maybe you did," I said to myself. "Or maybe you are thinking too much."
As always, Barrows was right. This situation required monitoring. But in the hours I still had before my shift, I had to plan my sessions with Seven of Nine.Home