The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
Note of What Has Gone Before: Seska used her child with Chakotay to successfully lure Voyager into a Kazon trap. The crew was imprisoned on Hanon IV until they were rescued by Tom Paris and the Doctor. Seska was killed during the battle, and after it was revealed that Chakotay was not the father, the child was left with the Kazon.
Personal Log, Lieutenant Tuvok:
This is Tuvok. The Talaxian, Neelix, had been poised for a major breach of protocol with the Captain during our time away from Voyager. He had been watching her and those who had chosen to serve her. Under normal circumstances, I could understand how the unguarded behavior of the servants could arouse attention; however, our dire situation should have been a distraction for anyone with a reasonable mind set. This was not the case with the Talaxian.
Upon Voyager’s return, I was certain that the matter would be forgotten with the resumption of normal ship board routine. In this, I found I was mistaken. Mister Neelix appeared to increase his resolve. At any opportunity, he would request a private audience with Captain Janeway. Fortunately for all concerned this was never possible.
The Captain was consumed with reclaiming the ship. She put off Neelix unless it was related directly to the function of Voyager. I knew that this would not continue long enough to abate Neelix’s curiosity. It was distasteful for me both personally and professionally, but I was forced to intervene. At the end of my shift, I requested his presence in my quarters for tea.
I had been prepared for enthusiasm. Neelix’s normal enthusiasm is nearly overpowering for me, but he was more excited that even I had anticipated. He came to my door in a very respectable version of Vulcan attire carrying what he claimed to be the appropriate foods to go with the tea. I settled him with a cup and plate as quickly as possible before he launched into the history of all the varieties of Vulcan teas.
"I am certain that you are curious as to why I have invited you here this evening," I said.
"Why, yes. Though I’m thrilled, of course," Neelix said. "It’s high time that two individuals so important to the Captain became closer."
"It is because of Captain Janeway that I needed you to come here today," I said. Before Neelix could respond, I said, "You have noticed some unusual behavior between the Captain and certain members of her crew while we were on the planet."
Neelix grew quiet. "I’ve seen it here as well. It’s like I’d been blind before. There is something very strange going on between her and Mister Kim, Paris and even Chakotay."
I was surprised that he hadn’t noticed Torres, but the Lieutenant was far less prone to the gazes of longing that the males were likely to give. "I am aware of what is between them, and I have asked you here to explain it in the hopes that you will no longer try to speak to the Captain about it."
"But why not? It’s seems to be a matter that is extremely importance to their morale," he replied.
"I have served with Captain Janeway for many years and even I have never spoken to her about this," I replied. "She and those chosen are involved in a highly complex, extremely personal relationship which would be destroyed by any outside interference. Such a disruption, while under the circumstances that Voyager finds itself , would destroy their morale."
"I don’t understand."
"That is why I am here. I will answer what questions I can," I said. "Those answers will have to be enough."
Neelix paused for a long moment. "Agreed. How long have you known about this?"
"On Voyager?" I considered this. "Very early. Mister Kim was first. I saw the signs in him not long after he began to serve her."
"The Captain follows an ancient sexual practice known as Bondage and Dominance. A female who dominates in this relationship is called a dominatrix or Mistress. Those who submit to domination are called submissives or slaves."
"I’ve studied slavery on Earth," Neelix said. "Who would submit to that willingly?"
"This slavery is different. You would not find it in history. It would be in anthropology,"
I replied. "For now, suffice it to say, that the pleasures of service far out pace the pain. And, from what I have learned, the emotional support a Mistress gives her slaves binds them to her."
"A Mistress knows all her slaves think and feel," I said. That is how she tames them. That is how she can give them pleasure. A good Mistress can see into their souls. She binds them to her in service for as long as they need it. Then, she releases them to move on with their lives."
"Is the Captain a good Mistress?"
"I have no first hand knowledge, but those who have served with her have continued with close relationships with her for years," I replied. "I am certain that there are many who mourn her loss deeply."
"The way they look at her is the most intense show of feeling I’ve seen from any being. It is as though they live and breathe for her," Neelix said.
"Metaphorically, she owns them. And psychologically they believe it, so for them it is reality," I replied.
Neelix drank his tea. He then looked at the liquid for a long time. "Thank you, Mister Tuvok. I will study this... practice. For my own education and understanding. And I entirely agree. I can’t do anything to take this from them."
"Thank you Mister Neelix," I replied.
"Perhaps we can talk again of this and other matters concerning humans that I don’t understand," he said. There was much hope and anticipation in his eyes. And in light of his attitude that night, I was inclined to agree.
"I will share as much as I understand myself."
"Until next time, then."
I was left with my tea. I wondered if the Captain had reclaimed all that had been taken from her with the Kazon raid.
Captain’s Personal Log:
I hardly know where to begin. We hadn’t gotten back to any semblance of normal service since my return from exile with Chakotay. Now, there was Paris to reward. Mister Kim and Lieutenant Torres had been sorely neglected. And my darling Chakotay who was used to having attention from me with great frequency daily had shut down on me entirely. He was an emotional mess that would take gentle care to heal. I had not felt so taxed since I was trained by Mistress Barrows.
I had to distract Chakotay with oversight of ship’s repairs and I put Kim and Torres in Engineering on overtime to let things percolate there. Mister Paris was standing before me in my quarters wearing civilian clothes. He looked uncharacteristically sheepish. His smirk was there though. I felt a pang of emotion because I thought I’d never see it again.
"I could have legions of women’s asses turned up for your abuse and it wouldn’t be enough to reward you for what you’ve done," I said.
"We could try," he replied with a broad smile. "You could help me."
I sighed. Thrashing him was long overdue, but not that night.
"Quiet, you." I said. "Sometimes the most heartfelt and elegant gift is a simple one, Mister Paris. A single rose is sometimes more powerful than dozens."
I walked over to where he stood. It was then I decided to do what I wanted to do when I walked onto the Bridge and saw him covered in dirt and bruises ready to hand back my command. I took him into my arms and held him until he returned my embrace and melted against me.
"Thank you, you brave, amazing lunatic," I said and felt him tighten his arm around me. "Thank you."
I looked up at him offering my lips. Paris hesitated. "No games this night, Tom. No barriers. You’ve given yourself, risked yourself you the ship, for me. Can’t you accept a reward in the same way?"
I drew his head down to mine. His resistance ended with the kiss. Now unrestrained, he held me the way he must have always wanted. I was pinned against his young, muscular body as his mouth devoured mine. Paris had his hands in my hair. He raised his mouth and looked at me quizzically when he found the area where it was lopped off.
"Don’t ask," I murmured. I wanted his mouth again. His hunger was stoking mine. Paris began kissing me again. His tongue was making love to me. I remembered everywhere it had touched me before and felt weak at the thought. It was his night, what the hell.
"Tom, please," I said against his lips.
He smiled at me. "Please what, Mistress?"
He sucked at my lower lip. "You remember my lips tugging at that clit, don’t you Mistress."
I felt a twinge between my legs that made me want to shout. "I remember, Tom. Please..."
I licked at his lips and rubbed my pelvis against his. He kissed me again more deeply and roughly. The fabric of my dressing gown ripped straight down the back. It dropped between us as Paris stooped to wrap my legs around his waist and hurried me toward the bed. I hit the mattress with a gasp. Tom kissed my eyelids, my temples, my hair.
"I could smell your hair in that shuttle," he said. "I could remember how you taste. I had to get back to you."
His mouth took mine again only briefly. Tom wanted to re-acquaint himself with my skin. He tongued every inch between my lips and navel. I laid still for him. I moaned for him. I begged him to take me with his mouth. His eyes were bright with desire and something more tender.
In an instant, Tom’s head was between my legs lapping my wetness; tugging the fine hairs around those lips. I held him there, but it wasn’t necessary. He was intent on wringing every moan and tremor that he could from me. Every cry increased his intensity. I was losing my mind, but I held on for him. The final orgasm rendered me limp and silent. I slept.
"What do you mean, he couldn’t start a fire?" Paris laughed. "What about his spirit guide?"
I was laying on Tom’s chest telling him of our travails apart from Voyager. I smiled to myself and tried to be stern. "You mention this to Chakotay and I swear you won’t have skin on your back the rest of this trip home."
"I’ll never tell, Mistress," he said. "Tell me more. Tell me about Kim."
I did. We lay in bed and laughed together about the misfortunes of my crew in the wild.
Paris warmed to the intimacy. I spoke to him the way I would a fellow midshipman and he adored it.
"Every time I think I have my Mistress figured out, she surprises me, " he said softly.
"I was going to say the same about you, Tom," I replied. "You have been a constant, delightful surprise."
Tom smiled to himself and absently stroked my back.
"You never say, ‘same old Tom’ to me. You never even look at me that way," he said with a soft voice full of emotion.
I stroked his hair. "Everything I throw at you is something you can handle. Even me -- at times."
He began to kiss me once more. He wanted to make love to me and I surrendered. Paris was gentle in his arousal of me. His patience surprised me. He kissed and caressed my flesh to a plateau of desire before thrusting inside me.
"Look into my eyes, Mistress," he whispered. "I need to see it. For this moment, I have you completely."
He thrust into me over and over. I fell into his eyes and let myself go. Lord, he was magnificent! I cried out with each wave until I could stand it no more. He fell on top of me. I stroked his hair as I drifted to sleep.
"Thank you, Mistress."
"Thank you, Tom."
I could have sworn I heard him tell me that he loved me as I fell asleep.
Another day passed. My First Officer was anxious beside me -- a smoldering volcano keeping everyone at bay. Kim was holding himself together with work as was Torres. I had to tend to them before I faced the wounded man at my side. It was only fair. Besides, my brooding Chakotay was working through his own feelings. He wanted me, but not enough to let me share his pain or ease his guilt.
I made sure that Kim and Torres were free when I left the Bridge. Then, I summoned them to the Holodeck for a sensuous evening of re-acquaintance and re-connecting with one another. Though not in the manner that they expected.
When the pair of them entered, I was in a thick, terry robe waiting beside a huge sunken tub of steaming water. They looked stunned.
"Mistress?" Kim said.
"Take your clothes off, dear ones, and joined me in the water," I said dropping my own robe and stepping into the tub.
They complied quickly. I caught several excited glances between the pair as they joined me.
"B’Elanna, we’ll do Harry first. Then, Harry and I will do you."
The water was hot and aromatically scented. Kim relaxed immediately under our hands. We lathered and massaged him from hairline to toes as he floated in the fragrant water with a silly grin on his face.
"He is beautiful, isn’t he," I said caressing his thighs and kneading his buttocks.
"He is, Mistress," Torres said. She absently stroked his balls.
"I’ve missed you both so much," I said.
"We’ve missed you, Mistress," Torres said.
"Absolutely," Harry replied. "Could you get my calves? They’ve been stiff."
"Have you noticed that he’s been acting like Paris," Torres said.
"And I thought it was my imagination," I said. "I should think he must have really liked the lash."
Kim came to his senses for a moment. "Shouldn’t we be doing Torres now?"
"Agreed," I replied. "For now."
We splayed Torres out onto the water and began to lather her sleek, supple skin. She was stiff in spots, so we kneaded away the tension. She relaxed under our hands floating and moaning as we went over her thoroughly.
I ordered the tub gone. We had Torres on the thickly carpeted floor toweling her damp body and licking where we had dried. Harry and I each had a nipple to torture while I fingered her clit.
"Kiss her, Harry," I ordered. I had to taste Torres. She felt so wet and warm and delicious. I delved into her and swirled and sucked her while Harry kissed her lips and fondled her nipples. It didn’t take long. She was primed and ready to come before we started.
"On you back, Harry," I said as Torres went over. While she was coming, I maneuvered her onto Kim’s rock hard cock. That wasn’t hard. She didn’t exactly fight me. I straddled his face facing him and arched backwards so Torres would have access to my nipples. We rode Mister Kim to exhaustion.
I ordered a bed where we lay with Mister Kim sandwiched between us afterward.
"Things are in a state of flux right now. That’s understandable," I said. "I’m sure you haven’t tended to your new slave -- something you should do very soon."
"That’s true, Mistress," Harry said.
"You have permission to satisfy each other," I said. "You are well trained and you need each other."
"What about Paris?" Torres asked.
"He has fallen behind on discipline," I said. "He needs my undivided attention for a time. But I want you two to support each other and tend to your slave. Don’t suffer because I’m distracted for a while."
"I need to be near you," Kim said.
"I know," I replied. "And you may serve, but the sessions may have to be brief. Both of you must understand that."
"We do," Torres said. "Don’t we, Harry."
"Yes, Mistress. We know you know what’s best for us."
I sighed. "Thank you."
Now, there was Chakotay to face.
Chakotay didn’t go back to his quarters until after 2400, 18 hours after he’d started. I didn’t expect him to respond to the door at all, but he immediately barked for me to enter.
"So, it’s my turn now, Mistress?" he said. "If I’m at the end of your rounds, you can go and get some sleep."
He didn’t look at me. He was glaring at a report that couldn’t possibly be important at that hour.
"Come with me, Chakotay."
"I don’t need your attention, Captain," he said.
I walked toward him very deliberately. "You’re lying to me. Are you lying to yourself as well?"
He sighed. "I don’t want your attention."
I stood behind him. "A truth of sorts."
I touched his shoulders which felt like cord wood. He tried to flinch away, but I dug in with all my strength.
"Kathryn, no..." Chakotay didn’t pull away. He sighed sadly.
"Don’t deny what you need," I said.
"My needs have caused this whole mess," he half muttered -- half moaned.
"My but you’re a powerful one. Your influence can direct the actions of the Kazon and can force a Cardassian spy to lie to you," I said. "You’re almost as good as Q."
Chakotay rose and moved out of my grasp. His back was to me.
"We all made the only choice we could make," I said. "We all contributed to that fiasco. No one blames you. In fact, the crew is closer than it ever was."
I held him from behind listening to his heart and his breathing.
"I should be the one that is afraid," I said. "You are finally free of her last tether. She can become a faint, bittersweet memory. Nothing stands between us."
I felt him chuckle. "Only a devout circle of slaves."
He disengaged from me and turned. His eyes glistened.
I caught my breath. "You know what I mean."
"It just doesn’t seem right to allow myself to enjoy your touch while so many on board are still struggling," he said. "Why should I have ecstasy when they don’t?"
"How do you know that they don’t?" I replied. "Mine isn’t the only circle that has found a way towards comfort and a semblance of happiness. Mine is just more creative."
He arched a brow. "You’ve been holding out on me. This information wasn’t in the logs."
Chakotay’s smile made my insides jumpy. I always felt like a school girl with him -- breathless in anticipation of his kiss.
"Chakotay, please," I said quietly. "I’ll beg you if that’s what you want."
I started to sink to my knees, but he took me by the shoulders and pulled me against him.
"Why didn’t you do this days ago," he said. He was looking at my lips. My mind was turning to mush. "You know I can’t resist your logic or your body."
"I also know your penchant for brooding in your own juices," I replied. "You must have your suffering first."
"Not anymore," he said.
It was the first kiss in ages. He hadn’t allowed me near him while we were away from Voyager. I wrapped my arms around him and moaned into his mouth. I was afraid of him. There would come a time when he would demand to have me to himself. I wasn’t sure that I could refuse him.
We fell onto the bed with me on top. Chakotay didn’t do anything more than kiss me for a very long time. He freed my hair then felt great handfuls of it. He suddenly tore free of my mouth.
"I’m sorry about your hair," he whispered.
I smiled. "Then brush up on your Indian skills, for goodness sake. But not now."
I began to kiss him again. This time with more purpose and determination. Chakotay got the message. I was soon naked on my back. He pulled me to the edge of the bed where he stood naked.
"Wrap your legs around me, Kathryn," he said hoarsely. As I complied, he pushed inside of me. As he moved, he toyed with my clit. I thrashed about keeping my eyes on his. I hadn’t realized how well he knew my body until that moment.
Chakotay knew exactly when my climax was building. Before the first wave hit me, I was maneuvered onto my knees and taken from behind. One hand guided me against him. The other was in my hair. I was screaming into the mattress when Chakotay came like a volcanic eruption. He fell on top of me.
We fell asleep entangled in each other. Finally, I was home.Home