The X Files put on Peter Pan 4/8

Chapter 4

**

"No, no no! You've got it all wrong! Krycek, stand closer to her. After all she is your close friend. And Marita, for goodness sake act like you're in love with the guy! Come on, it can't me that hard!" said Skinner, chuckling. 
But the two actors didn't seem to find it too amusing. They stood, a metre away from each other, looking uncomfortably at their scripts: they seemed to have forgotten their words. 
Meanwhile, the Lone Gunmen were hiding in the changing room. 
"A bit more there!" said Langly. 
"Yeah, yes that's the place!" squealed Byers. 
"Do you think it's a little tight?" asked the other one. 
They were wrapping a birthday present for Scully: her birthday was coming up and they had a special surprise for her! Suddenly they heard the patter of Scully's feet coming towards the room. "Hide it!" they all screeched at the same time. Langly tripped over Byers as he made for the present. Byers quickly grabbed it and slipped it under his jumper as the other two lay in a heap on the floor, having tripped over the telephone wire. Scully walked in, and stopped in front of the three. She started to giggle. "What on earth are you up to?" 
"Ermm, nothing" they said in unison. 
"Ermm, I was reaching for the telephone when I tripped over the wire.." started Byers. 
"The telephone??" croaked Scully, her face turning pale with fright. "Who was calling? Did you pick it up?" 
The Lone Gunmen shared confused looks. "No-one was calling, we were doing some, ermm , spring cleaning and Byers tried to dust the phone." 
"Oh." said Scully, with relief. "That's all right then." She walked out in a daze. Mulder came in soon after. 
"Hey guys!" said Mulder, cheerily. "Have you seen what's going on on the stage at the moment? You can just feel the sexual tension wafting around! It's great!" He looked at The Gunmen's worried expressions. "What's up?" 
"Well...is there anything wrong with Agent Scully at the moment? It's just she seemed rather..strange." 
Mulder looked concerned (like a little puppy dog!) "I'll ask her." he said. 
Suddenly the phone started to ring. 

**

The phone continued to ring. Mulder reached over and picked it up. 
"Hello?" 
There was pause. "Hi, who is this?" said the voice. 
"It's Fox Mulder from the Old Theatre." 
"Oh. Sorry I think I have the wrong number." The line went dead. Mulder shrugged, put down the phone and walked off to find Scully. But the Lone Gunmen remained and looked at the phone curiously. 

"O.K, O.K, everyone let's have a 5 minute break!...I need some coffee," mumbled Skinner who rushed off in search of some caffeine. Marita glanced at Krycek awkwardly. Alex started to walk off the stage. "No, wait!" said Marita and caught his arm. "We need to talk." 
Krycek threw her a dirty look. "Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me but I don't like it at all. Why did you toy with my emotions?" said Krycek. 
Marita looked blank. "What?" she asked. 
"Come on, it's obvious by the way you act around Skinner. You still like him, and you're just using me for some kind of sick way of getting him back." 
"But that's not it at all..you..you've got it all wrong.." 
"Look, Marita. I don't like being messed around. O.K? If you don't mind keep your love life to yourself." And with that he stormed off, apparently to search for caffeine. 
Marita stood on the stage, her eyes filling up with tears. She felt a footstep behind her. Could it be Krycek, she thought, coming to say he's sorry and he wants to get together with her? She turned round and saw.......Skinner. She sighed. "Why me?" she whispered. 

Elsewhere Mulder entered the changing room, startling an almost naked Scully. "Oh, I'm sorry!" he stammered, his face turning the very shade of Skinner's dress. He stumbled out of the room and stood by the door. 
"It's O.K! Really Mulder, you just startled me!" called Scully, through a jumper, as she hastily tried to pull it over her. Finally she opened the door. 
"See! Fully clothed!" she grinned. 
"O.K," said Mulder, quietly, still rather embarrassed. "Anyway," he said quickly, "I was coming to ask you, are you O.K? The guys said something about you sounding off earlier today." 
Scully bit her lip. "Yup, everything's hunk-dory!" she forced her mouth into a weak smile. 
"Are you sure?" Mulder looked at her curiously. He knew her well enough to know when she wasn't telling the truth. 
Scully paused. "Well, it's nothing really, just someone rather strange keeps trying to ring the theatre. I was just trying to work out who it could be." 
"Mmm..what kind of strange?" inquired Mulder. 
"Oh, you know, really it's nothing for you to worry about. Listen Mulder, you know before when I walked in on you feverishly trying to hide something under your jumper? What was it?" 
Mulder started. "Oh that! Ermm..that was nothing..ermm..will you excuse me, I just need to try and ermm...find something..I mean someone..." Mulder stammered and leaped out of the room. 
Scully grinned and then remembered the phone conversation. What had the voice meant when he said that he would get the one she loved? 

**

"Alright everyone! You all know why you're here. We have got to make this surprise birthday party for Scully as good as possible!" said Mulder, looking round at everyone's faces. "Now, Frohike, you have the job of making the cake, Langly's organising the balloons and Byers, you are getting drinks ready." Mulder checked with them by eyeing them, and they replied with a salute. 
"Yes, sir, Mulder!" they said in unison. 
Mulder coughed and carried on. "Skinner, you are making the food, but when you are baking, be careful not to get anything on your beautiful dress: we all know how you like to wear it at home!" A snigger rippled round the cast and Skinner looked highly not amused! 
"Krycek, you are handling the music and Marita..."he paused. "Ermm..I hope you don't mind but you have the job of jumping out of the cake and shouting Happy Birthday! when I give you the signal. Don't worry, we'll practise it through a couple of times before hand." 
Marita sighed. "Great." she said. 
"And I will organise the guest list. Right, I think that's everything covered. Has everyone got her a present?" 
He stared round at some blank faces. 
"No, but I'm sure you have a present list all typed up and ready for her majesty the queen!" sneered Krycek. 
"Thank you, Krycek. We could do without your snide remarks on the day. In actual fact I do have a present list of all the things I know Scully likes and I will hand out a copy to each of you at the end. Now, I know a lot of you are pretty worn out from all the rehearsing, but this has got to be a great party coz I know that Scully is feeling the strain quite badly." 
"I bet you do." whispered Marita. 
"O.K, I think that is everything. Now I told Scully that rehearsals begin at 12:00 today, so that gives us exactly 3 hours, 25 minutes and 32 seconds to get on with our jobs for the party. At 11:45, everyone report back here and we will begin rehearsals. Hopefully she won't suspect a thing." Mulder smiled. 
Everyone drearily trudged off to prepare for the party. Mulder walked into the changing room, feeling happy with himself. Everything seemed to be going to plan. He reached for the phone and dialled the number for the D.J, a friend had given him. 
"Yes?" said the voice on the other end. 
"Yes, hi! Could you D.J for a party this Saturday in the Old Theatre, Brooks Lane?" 
"Sure, what time?" 
"Erm, about 7:00, to be totally prepared." 
"O.K. Mulder, I will see you then!" 
"Thanks, bye!" 
Only after Mulder had put down the phone, he realised that he had not given his name to the D.J. 

**

"How dare you come so late! I told you it is Scully's special day today and we MUST get this right!" shouted Mulder. 
Krycek sighed and didn't look like he cared too much. As soon as Mulder started to sort everyone else out, Krycek approached Skinner. He fixed his dark eyes on him like a cowboy ready for a shootout. 
"Skinner," he said with a cold voice. 
"Krycek." replied Skinner, looking at him as if he was a pile of horse dung. 
"I have a bone to pick with you, in fact a whole skeleton." said Krycek, starting to circle Skinner. "What exactly happened between you and Marita? I mean, not that I care or anything, but I would like to know how on earth you got her in the first place." 
Skinner narrowed his eyes. "How do you know about this? Let me guess, Marita, your oh-so-close pal, told you? Well, Krycek, I'm gonna be blunt, I don't like you. It's not my fault that Marita happened to fall for my charms and not yours, in fact I don't even know why she even likes you, as a friend." Skinner emphasised the last three words, leaning close to Krycek. 
Krycek gave him a death stare and was just about to do something he may have regretted, when Mulder arrived, pushing them off to their individual jobs, (he had typed it all up on a laminated sheet he held in his hand, *bless!*). 
So everyone worked hard to get the party ready. The Lone Gunmen fought with balloons which kept on deflating and zooming across the room, usually with one of them attached to it! Krycek was sorting out the music, whilst constantly scowling about the fact that Mulder had hired an outside D.J to do the job, rather than see Krycek *ruin* the records. Marita, meanwhile was vigorously trying to practise *jumping* out of the cake, getting cream all over her face and icing sugar on her clothes. But finally, everyone was ready, and after 5 minutes of Mulder stressing out at Krycek who was finishing off his record selection, he managed to assemble everyone together to begin rehearsals. Everyone looked thoroughly exhausted and Mulder stood up to speak. 
"Listen everyone, you have all done a great job, and I would just like to......" 
Suddenly the door burst open. It was Scully. She stopped and looked confused. 
"What's everyone doing here so early?" she asked. 

It was 6:45. Mulder was stalling Scully at his place whilst everyone did the final touches to the party. Marita was in the changing room. She stared at a skimpy dress she had to wear for the cake. She was fairly nervous but decided it couldn't be worse than her Tinkerbell outfit, and shoved it on. 
Soon the D.J arrived. He wore a leather jacket and dark shades. He walked up to Krycek and said: 
"Hey. I'm the D.J for Scully's party." 
Krycek looked up and gave him a dirty look. 
"Oh, yes. Fine then, what songs do you think we should play?" 
The D.J looked blank. "Ermm...well it's Scully's 35th birthday and she likes jazz music so...I'll just choose something." 
"Wow...are you like the president of the Scully fan club or something? Ho do you know so much about her?" 
The D.J seemed to be busying himself with the records so Krycek left it. 
Soon, Mulder sounded a horn outside. This was the signal so everyone came into the main hall, hid and turned off the lights. There was a fumble as Mulder tried to get the door open. 
"Mulder, what is this?" asked a bewildered Scully. 
" I told you. It's a surprise!" replied Mulder. They walked inside. 
Scully giggled. "Mulder, you haven't set out lights on the stage again have you?" 
Mulder blushed slightly. "Nooo..." he said, trying to signal everyone to jump out, but no-one was listening. 
"You know, Mulder," Scully carried on. "When you brought me here before, I wasn't sure what you were up to. I thought you were wanting to take advantage of me!" 
"Yeah, well, be quiet now, coz...." He frantically tried to grab someone’s attention, but everyone was listening to Scully, giggling slightly. 
"I wouldn't mind....if maybe you were trying to do that now!" said a slightly tipsy Scully, as she draped her arms around Mulder's neck. "We have waited for too long..." she said. 
Suddenly, to avoid anymore embarrassment, Skinner jumped up and shouted "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!", along with a half laughing everyone else. 
Scully's eyes nearly popped out of her head and her face turned bright red, as did Mulder's. 
"I had forgotten it was my birthday!" she said quietly. 

**

Scully soon settled into the party after that *embarrassing* incident and soon Mulder stood up and clapped his hands. 
"Now, everyone, the moment we have all been waiting for....the unravelling of the prezzies!!" 
Everyone cheered and rushed to get into a queue in front of a dazzled Scully. She held out her hand and started to open the first parcel, from the Lone Gunmen. 
"Thanks you guys!" said Scully as the Lone Gunmen stood shyly, their faces rosy and pink. After about 10 mins of fighting with the wrapping paper Scully managed to get it open. She stared at it with a curious look. 
"It's called Made For Each Other!" screeched Langly, unable to contain his excitement. 
"O.K," said Scully. She put the somewhat large machine on the ground and pressed the big round ON button. Suddenly the whole thing shook and lit up with thousands of different coloured lights. As everyone stared at the contraption, Byers explained how it worked. 
"We spent weeks designing this baby! You're going to love it!" he grinned. "What happens is...two people stand at either side of the machine and hook themselves up to the wires and pads. Once they have done that they should press the "Let's make love" button. The machine will then detect, through the pads, any radioactivity, or hypered heart beats. It will also detect any dehydration due to sweating." Scully listened to him, intrigued, but everyone else looked thoroughly bored, as they stared at the machine waiting to see what would happen. 
"So, as these impulses travel down the wires to the heart of the machine, the M.F.E.O will transmit this data into information and slot the answer into one of these categories: *Get away from me you loser*; *You're O.K!*; *Let's stay friends!*; *You wanna go out tonight?* and *Baby, we're hot for each other, let's go and do the wild thang!*. 
"You can guess who made up the names!" said Byers as he peered at a rather hidden Frohike. "So, anyway, the M.F.E.O will determine anyone's feelings for anyone! Just insert a couple and get an answer!" 
Scully started to giggle. What a funny birthday present! 
"O.K then, let's try it out!" she said with a mischievous grin. "Skinner, come up here! You too.......Krycek!" The two men started with a shock and looked so pale they looked as though they were about to enter a snake pit. 
"Agent Scully, I did not come here to be humiliated. Anyway, I'm sure the machine only takes a male and a female.." started Skinner. 
Scully looked at Byers. 
"Ermmm..occording to my calculations the M.F.E.O can take anyone...in the entire world." 
Krycek gave Byers a deathly look. 
"On the other hand..." started a nervous Byers. 
"No! This is my birthday and you two are going to try this out." said Scully. "Unless you're afraid you are..in love with one another or something!" 
Skinner and Krycek jumped up and stepped forward amongst the giggling crowd. They reluctantly grabbed the wires and stuck them to their bodies. 
"O.K, go on then, get this over and done with." said Krycek. 
Scully leaned forward and pressed the "Let's make love" button. The machine started to whizz and whir and Skinner and Krycek jumped about with random electric shocks. Finally the machine stood still and a samll green light shone brightly. 
"That means it's ready!" whispered Byers. 
Everyone crowded around it and stared at the screen. 
It said: "Baby, we're hot for..... Let's go and do the wild thang!" 
Everyone started laughing but Mulder and Scully peered closely. 
"Whay is there a space after for?" asked Scully. 
"I don't know. It shouldn't have any different answers to the ones we programmed. Langly?" 
Langly busied himself with wires in the back of the machine. "There!" he said with a triumphant smile. 
Everyone peered back at the screen. 
The space had been replaced by the word *her*. 

**

Skinner and Krycek turned red. They looked to the floor as Langly removed the pads. 
"Who's *her*?" asked Scully. 
Suddenly Marita spoke up. "Isn't it obvious? Who was the one who pressed the button? Whose birthday present was it? Just use your brain once in a while Agent Scully." She then walked off in a strop. 
Mulder stared at the two men. Was it possible that they could love Scully? If so, he had an awful lot of competition coming up... 
There was an awkward silence. Then suddenly music blasted around the room. Scully started to smile. It was her favourite song! She whirled around to see who had put it on and caught eyes with the D.J. 
"Hello Scully." he said. 
"Oh..hi!" replied Scully, startled. 
"Told you I knew everything about you." siad the D.J with a low quiet voice. 
Scully's eyes widened in horror. This was the phone stalker. And he was at her own party!! As her heart began to race she told herself, Keep calm, don't let him know... She murmured "See you round!" and rushed off into the crowd. 
Meanwhile Skinner approached Krycek who was sitting in the corner drinking some beer. 
"What was that all about? You made a laughing stock of me!" 
Krycek frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?" 
"That thing with the machine..you did that didn't you, just to spite me!" spitted Skinner. 
"What?!? Why on earth would I try to make myself look bad? You crazed son of a b****!" 
"Don't you call me..." Skinner lunged at Krycek, pushing him into the drinks stand. 
Luckily Marita was near by. "Stop it! Stop it you two!" she shouted and pulled them apart. They stopped and Marita realised she still had her hand clasped firmly around Krycek's muscley arm. She hastily took it away. 
"What is the matter with you? You weren't fighting over Scully were you?" 
"What? No..." said Krycek out of breath. "He's just a jerk that's all." 
Skinner gave him a death stare and moved closer to Marita. 
"I care about you Marita..I think we should start over." He looked lovingly at her. 
Krycek stormed off angrily. Marita stared after him, looking hurt. 
"No...." she said to Skinner. "Don't you understand? I don't love you. I never have.. I'm sorry." 
Skinner looked hurt for a second. The he tensed up. "Fine. But don't even think that that ass cares about you at all. He just told me that the only reason why he went into this partnership with you is because he felt sorry for you. He said you were pathetic." 
Marita stared at Skinner. There was no way he could have known about their partnership unless Krycek had said that. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks and suddenly realised that the music had stopped and everyone was staring at her. 
"Happy birthday Scully." she whimpered. 

**

The party started to deteriorate as no one could find Scully and the D.J had disappeared. Mulder was searching around frantically, but all he could find was the machine and two random lovers trying it out. 
"O.K, O.K, you two the show's over!" he said. They ran away giggling. Suddenly he caught sight of Krycek standing in the shadows. Mulder slowly walked up to him and asked him if he had seen Scully. It was like talking to a brick wall as Krycek stood motionless staring into space. Mulder sighed. 
"Krycek, sort it out!" he said. "Look, if you want to be happy, then follow me." 
Krycek gave him a weird look and grunted. Mulder pulled him over to the M.F.E.O. and stood in front of it. He then called Marita, and before they knew what was happening, he wired them both up to the machine and quickly pressed the ON button. They squirmed to get free and ripped off the pads, embarrassed, but the data had already gone through. They stood, out of breath waiting for the response on the screen. 
It said: "Get away from me you loser!" They stood for a second, staring at the words and then Krycek awkwardly laughed. 
"We really do hate each other don't we?" 
Marita put on a fake smile and stared at him. "Yeah." Mulder scratched his head. He was expecting a much more passionate response. Maybe they just weren't meant to be. 
Suddenly he heard a shout. It was Scully! 
"Hey, you guys! What, using my birthday present without me are you?" 
Mulder grinned. Marita and Krycek began to awkwardly tidy up the balloons on separate sides of the room. 
"How about you and me Scully, hooked up to the lurve machine!" Scully narrowed her eyes and smiled. "O.K then how about it!" So they hooked themselves up and with a sweaty hand Mulder pushed the button. Scully's heart began to race but she pretended to be relaxed. Finally the words came up on the screen. 
"You're O.K. Let's be friends!" 
Scully felt her heart sink. She stood, looking at her birthday present, wanting to kick it. Mulder stood nearby, grinding his teeth. He looked very confused but said: 
"Well...that's what we are!" 
"Now and always!" said Scully, wearing a very similar smile to the one Marita had a few moments ago. 
There was an awkward silence. 
"Well I'd better pack this away." said Scully, thinking seriously of throwing the lousy thing in the rubbish bin. 
"Yeah, such a nice present!" said Mulder through gritted teeth. "Weren't the Lone Gunmen sweet to have made it!" At the same time Mulder pictured the Gunmen drowning in a sea of deadly snakes. He helped Scully put it away, pulling the wires rather forcefully from their sockets. 
But they weren't alone. Someone stood behind the curtain, watching the couples as they cleared up; holding a valuable piece of the M.F.E.O. And that someone was wearing a wicked smile. 

**

It was the next morning and everyone was busy freaking out seeing as it was 1 WEEK till the performance. Mulder was wondering what had happened to the *broken* machine and he approached the Lone Gunmen to ask them about it. 
"What do you mean broken?" asked Byers. "How do you know? Did it blow a fuse?" 
"Not exactly.." murmured Mulder. "It's just that I was expecting different results.." 
"Aaah!" grinned Langly. "Didn't quite impress your *crush* did you? Did the M.F.E.O not reach your expectations?" he said sarcastically. 
Mulder frowned. He wasn't going to get anything out of these three, that was for sure. 
Meanwhile Skinner was attempting to direct a rehearsal but Krycek was proving to be a less believable Peter Pan than Mulder was. For a start he refused to wear the tights he was given, saying " Come on Skin-man, not everyone is as gay as you!" And now he was arguing about the flying scene. "Why do I need to fly through the air? It's not like I'm frikin' Superman or anything!" 
Skinner sighed and told Scully to fetch him a coffee from the machine outside. 
Scully also sighed and trudged off to get it for him, whilst murmuring something about *female slaves*. 
She stepped into the freezing cold air and picked up a plastic cup, filling it with warm coffee. Suddenly she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. She jumped and turned round, dropping the coffee. She stared into some dark, fierce eyes. 
"Hello." said the D.J. Forcefully he shoved his hand over Scully's mouth and dragged her away from the theatre door. Scully screamed as hard as she could but his strong hand remained clasped round her mouth, blocking all sound. 
"Don't you dare try and run away or I will kill you." he said with a menacing voice. Scully kept still, her hands shaking around her back and her eyes petrified. The man took her to the road where a black car was parked and he shoved her into the back. He then got in himself and locked all the doors. 
He turned round in his seat and smiled a crooked smile. "Don't be scared Scully, you're coming with me." he slowly said. Scully shook so much she thought she was going to faint. 
"Mulder!" she whimpered. 

"Mulder! Get here now! It's your scene!" shouted Skinner. Mulder ran onto the stage with his sword at the ready. As he began to play-fight Krycek he wondered where on earth Scully was. She had gone out for a coffee but that was half an hour ago. Oh well, he thought. It's Scully, she can take care of herself. 
"No, no, no! You've got it all wrong! Let me try!" siad Skinner, as he rushed onto the stage and took Mulder's sword off him. He then started attacking Krycek vigorously and Mulder decided to get off the stage in case he got in the middle of it. 
"Oh I see now! Can I try?..." said Mulder but Skinner and Krycek were intent on fighting each other and no-one else. "Looks like I'm going to be here for a long time!" said Mulder to himself. 

Meanwhile Scully was bound up to the wall of a dark and murky room. She couldn't see where she was and her wrists were starting to ache. 
"Let me go!" she said wearily. 
The phone stalker appeared out of the shadows. He stroked Scully's hair. "You're with me now...always with me.." he said. 

*********************************