TITLE: Shadows: Darkness
AUTHOR: Spooky's Girl  
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, they belong to the XF god CC, and it's probably a 
good thing they do cause believe it or not, he treats them much nicer than I usually do 
RATING: PG-13  
CATEGORY: MSR, angst
SUMMARY: Endearment leads to devastation 
SPOILERS: Season two abduction arc 
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the second vignette in a series of nine.  Basically simple summary, one vignette per season, a reflection of sorts of Mulder's impact on Scully's life.  A complete list of titles in the series can be found at the end of the vignette. 
THANKS: To Nancy for the beta, and to Ashley for allowing me to continue with the idea even though she had the same one in mind. 
FEEDBACK: As always, I love feedback...that and chocolate are the necessary 
ingredients to life, and yes, I do respond back to it denisegilliland@hotmail.com

~*~*~

She's gone.

I did this to her.  My quest, my obsession, *my life* did this to her.  I learned to trust, I learned to enjoy her company, I learned it was all a big mistake the first time she was nearly killed.  I separated myself from her and she still came to me - honest and open just like the first day I met her.  I ran from her, she found me and brought me back.  I stayed away, she followed - she affected me.

And now I can't leave her.  I came upon this realization only to have her taken from me instead, by the same entities that took my sister from me so many years ago.  The two most important women in my life, both gone, doomed to subject to a litany of torturous pains that has no real beneficial value to anybody or anything.  I only hope it won't be another twenty years before I find her.  One is lost; I can't bear to lose the other, even though I may already have.

She'd be disappointed in me; I've given up hope, although I haven't given up the fight just yet.  But how can I fight if I don't want to believe the outcome?  If I don't believe that I'll win and be reunited?  I speak positively to others; it's a farce.  My life was a farce up until this very moment when I realized how real it could have been, only I realized too late.  She's gone, and there's nothing I can do about it.

My non-existent hope still finds ways to diminish each and every day, sending me into a dark, mindless despair full of everything and nothing.  Dreams of her haunt me, disturb my sleep and waking hours.  Memories of her childhood that her mother has graced me with have saved me from the point of no return.

But I'm getting to the point where I don't want to return, even if I can.

But she does.

By some twist of fate, they return her to me, alive, though hanging by a thread.  And even this small bit of generosity on their behalf does nothing to stop the hatred flowing inside me for what they have done.  Instead it only adds fuel to the fire.

This was never meant to happen, I was never supposed to hurt her, and yet I have, and ultimately, it is only myself that I can hate.  

But I can't because she would never allow me too.  So I choose to take my anger out on the closest thing to me.

Her.

I ignore her, I leave her side when she needs me the most, I hunt out the men who did this to her despite the fact that I know vengeance is not the way to achieve peace over this act.  Nothing is, but I do it anyway.

And I fail, like I have failed at so many other things.  But I did succeed at one.  

I brought her back.

~*FIN*~