Date: Mon, 15 Jun 1998 21:36:09 -0300
From: dbost 
Subject: [VP] New Kid in Town


Time to break the ice...  I am new to the building (top floor, 
studio apt, roof garden) and thought I'd intro myself to the 
friendly denizens hereabouts. Whatcha wanna know?

Vital statistics:  female, single, 33yrs old, 5'12" tall but not 
thin - no super model here!  I live in North Carolina and have 
since I was 11yrs old, so I guess I'm a native. Don't feel like 
one, though; however, since my therapist INSISTS that I am NOT a 
Martian (no matter how much evidence to the contrary I submit) I 
guess "Southerner" will have to do. 

One thing I guess you should know right off the bat is that I an 
SUCH a computer novice. Hopefully you don't mind if I ask a few 
stupid questions once in a while. From what I've seen (yes I've 
been here about 1 day, lurking in the shadows) everyone here 
seems safe enough for a timid soul like myself to approach.

Shall I give you my "Coming Out" story next?  Is this still the 
topic of choice?  I'll admit to some trepidation here, because my 
story is a little different than the ones I've read so far. Will 
you still respect me in the morning?

<gulp>  Now for a show of good faith...  I've decided that on 
this list I'm going to use my real name, and not the "handle" 
I've been using everywhere else. Can this be love? 
  
Diana


Date: Tue, 16 Jun 1998 23:38:13 -0300
From: dbost 
Subject: [VP] Dr Way-Too-Strangelove


Ok, here it is (TA DA!) my slash coming out/coming of age 
story...

Dr Way-Too-Strangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and 
Live for Slash

This is a very strange time for me. Everyone at work teases me 
about my computer and the fact that I have fallen HARD for the 
thing, but they have no idea. The internet has done something for 
me that is difficult to explain. I wouldn't dream of talking 
about these things out there in the harsh glare of public 
scrutiny - I really do have a few teeny tiny social phobias, 
that's no joke - but here, with you, I'd like to try. Anyway, 
I'll give it my best shot.


I've always been drawn to the close male friendships that appear 
in movies, TV and books. I think Kirk & Spock in particular were 
great favorites in my fantasy life beginning when I was 8 or 9 
yrs old. (Starsky and Hutch was one of a buddy's fave shows and 
she wove the fantasy narrative there. It wasn't until years later 
when we'd lost touch that I took another look at the guys. "How 
could I have missed this?" I wondered.)  Although I think my 
daydreams were all rated G or at a stretch PG, they were 
DEFINITELY slash. I loved the trust, the closeness, the mutual 
understanding...  it was all so much more intoxicating than the 
male/female relationships you'd see. Not to mention, most of the 
women were vain, self-centered and stupid. Nobility and honor, 
truth and compassion - these were the concepts that made my 
girlish heart soar; and these were only portrayed by male 
characters.  Can you see one of Charlie's Angels saying "I would 
die for you" to one of the other Angels?


By the time I was in my late teens, I was CONVINCED that no one 
else thought about our guys on TV as being "that way" and kept my 
weird kink to myself.  Every once in a while, I'd make a joke 
here or drop a comment there just to see if anyone was on the 
same wavelength.  Nothing.  Hindsight being what it is, it seems 
pretty funny now but I guess I thought I'd invented slash - just 
hadn't thought of a name for it yet!  Patent Pending, don't ya 
know...


It's not a very big leap of logic to go from "no one else feels 
this way" to "what's wrong with me, anyway?"  Funny that I am 
very liberal in my views towards other people, but turn a 
withering, judgmental eye inward. Internal voice: "Why would a 
straight woman fantasize about two men being together?  What type 
of bad craziness is this anyway?  You'd better keep quiet about 
this, you don't want to frighten the horses."  And here I lived, 
day in and day out, until about 4 months ago.


Funny how a piece of technology can truly rock your world, isn't 
it?  Here's how things progressed.


Shock Number One:  there are TONS of web sites devoted to TV 
shows!  No one I know watches the same things I do...  did you 
know there were other Star Trek fans out there?  (Ok, that's 
pushing it a little - I did know that there were other Star Trek 
fans, I just didn't know any personally.  
Social Phobe's move in small circles.)


Shock Number Two:  Fan fiction... What a concept!  How great that 
people are writing stories with the characters from my favorite 
shows and there's so many and they're free and and and...  what's 
this? 


Shock Number Three (the BIG one): Slash!  And written by WOMEN, 
too!  Oh my God, I think I just felt the Earth move!  Can this be 
real?  Where have you been all my life? 


Over the last couple of days I've read your coming out stories, 
and still feel a little weird that I was slashing shows in my 
adolescence.  Seems to me that a lot of you were much better 
behaved as youngsters than I was.  Oh, and please forgive me a 
little light headedness once in a while, OK?  I was most 
definitely "in the closet" until just this year.  My life, 
strange but true.


So, that's my story. How'd I do, mom? 


Diana
