Subject: Re: [VP] Mentoring new congoers
Date: Tue, 03 Aug 1999 19:39:11 -0500
From: McVey <mcvey@rapfire.net>
Organization: What, who? Me? Yeah, right! <grin>
To: flamingoslim@delphi.com
CC: VenicePlace <veniceplace@jbx.com>

flamingoslim@delphi.com wrote:

<some wonderful words of wisdom snipped here>.

> Some neighbors have mentioned how intimidating it can be to go to your
> first con.  You don't know anyone but everyone knows each other.

Tell me about it!  My first con was in Vancouver 1997 for The Sentinel and
whoa boy!!!!!!! <g>

> Mentoring in fandom is very traditional.  Most of us have been "brought
> in" to cons and other public events by one person we've met.  I would've
> never made it into that party without Ro and her Twilight Zone cab.
> (Ro: "You'll love them. They're great people.  They're all like us." Me:
> "That's what I'm afraid of.") Of course, I always consider fandom
> mentering in the same vein as the warning the nuns gave me so many years
> ago: You never go to hell alone, you always take someone with you.  I
> remember smiling at the good Sister and saying, "Well, in that case, I'm
> bringing a party."  And I know you will all be there!
>

Thank God for the fan who brought me into TS fandom, she was nice enough to
send me pictures of herself before the con (my mother was convinced M was
actually a man and bad things would happen to me when I met people in RL
that I had met over the internet <g>) and she was there to introduce me
around and help me get comfortable with everyone.

I had been to a few ST local cons before I went to Vancouver, but I always
went with a friend and never spent the entire weekend, so I kinda knew what
to expect.  But the reality was a whole lot different!  <g>

I was sooooo nervous!

And you have to realize, I was almost 40 years old and flying to Vancouver
was my very first plane trip!  I couldn't start by a simple hop to Dalles or
Kansas City (I live in Tulsa, OK) no, I had to fly halfway cross the country
and mess with customs!  I just knew I was gonna be airsick!  (Hmmm, maybe
that's why the guy sitting next to me changed seats so quickly <g>)

The con I went to sounds alot like the con you're going to.  Very
structured, had a dress code, lots of activities and parties.  I was so
nervous about having the "right" clothes I ended up with *4* huge suitcases!
Ended up not wearing everything I brought, but it was nice having lots of
stuff there.  (But you learn... I went to the Senticon in MI this March with
only a backpack).

The best part *was* meeting the people I had talked with or read their
stories or had heard about.  I was just drooling over meeting some of my
favorite authors and getting their autographs and talking about thier
stories with them.  At one of the parties a fan and I were talking about
slash and different stories and well, you know the sudden quiet that happens
at a party when you really aren't expecting it?  Yeah, it happened just as
she was telling me about a creative blowjob!  We still laugh over that.

What I'm trying to say is go, have a great time, you'll find lots of good
folks out there and don't worry about trying to make conversation.  After
all, you already have one thing in common...the love of the fandom.

McVey

Subject: Re: Re: [VP] Cons
Date: Wed, 04 Aug 1999 00:11:46 -0400 (EDT)
From: AprilValen@aol.com
To: MyBuddy2@webtv.net, owner-veniceplace@jbx.com, LCabrillo@aol.com
CC: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 8/3/99 1:32:30 PM, MyBuddy2@webtv.net wrote:

<<So, there isn't another Con to compare this one to, really. But I am
curious to know if there is a standard or typical type of Con. Or are
they all very different ?

This Con I am going to seems very structured. There is a formal dinner
with guest speakers and a three day itinerary.>>

There are really two types of cons -- the "professional" con and the "fan"
con.  You can tell them apart pretty much by whether they have actors or
not.

Pro cons are often put on for profit -- if you've ever been to a Creation
con, you'll know what I mean.  Other pro-like cons are the ones like
CouverCon where they have the show's stars and are put on for charity.
These
cons stress actors and sell mostly memorabilia rather than fanzines.

The other kind of con, the "fan" con is definitely *not* profit-making.
It's
put on by fans, for fans.  Fans don't have the bucks it takes to invite
actors but fan cons are my favorite -- tons of fanzines, plenty of panel
discussions to discuss all aspects of particular shows or fandoms, an art
show and auction and room parties at night.  These cons are structured too,
but sometimes a little more loosely scheduled -- pro cons can get off
schedule too if an actor's plane is late or they can't get somebody off
stage
for the next guest.

Cons like MediaWest, MountainMedia, FrisCon, ZCon and Connexions (tooting my
own horn <g>) are fan cons.  Back in my Trek days, I attended August Party
--
pretty much the first fan con -- aside from what we used to call mini-cons
(parties at someone's home with a whole buncha fans).  I've loved that type
of con ever since.  It's at this kind of con that you can feel overwhelmed
at
though -- since it's so relaxed and people all seem to know each other.  I
didn't know anyone in fandom when I went to the first August Party but the
next year (uh... 1976) I went with other fans -- a million times better.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned that is a great thing about cons --
even
if you're shy and don't know anyone at first, it is at a con that you can
truly be yourself, or rather the fan in you that's been dying to come out
and
just spend time *talking* about your guys, your show, whatever, that you
can't do at home where nobody understands.  It's okay at a con -- to
actually
*talk* out loud about Starsky and Hutch having sex!  Nobody minds (well,
unless it is a con where they don't like slash).  You can go to panels and
stay quiet if you want or jump in with an idea or opinion, you can drool
over
the artwork, enjoy song vids... it's a total weekend experience.  You are in
your element, with others who love the same things you do and there's
absolutely nothing in the world that compares to it.  Nothing can break in
--
not the kids or the nightly news -- and you can just wallow for the whole
time.  What a wonderful way to vacation.

And you get to know people.  As Flamingo said, in regard to the Japanese
fan,
you meet like-minded souls and find yourself feeling like they are old
friends.  It's just like on the internet, if that's been most of your fan
experience.  You talk with someone about how much you both like Starsky &
Hutch, love certain episodes or stories, and your own personal differences
don't seem to matter.  On line, you have the cushion of being "anonymous" or
faceless, if you will.  But who you are and what you look like doesn't
matter
when you meet fans in person, either.  Fandom is the one place I've found
where the place you live in, your economic background, your education, your
color and your size don't matter.  Everybody is valued for who they are and
what they contribute -- even if your contribution is confined to buying
zines.

And, if anybody needs a mentor at ZCon, feel free to write me.

Martha

Subject: Re: [VP] Mentoring new congoers (long)
Date: Wed, 04 Aug 1999 12:04:39 -0500
From: jimbobnoneck@postoffice.worldnet.att.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

I know...I know.  Seems like I've been hiding lately.

But I'm Not!  Really.

I've been upside down, in a cardboard box, dejunking the ol' apt.

Now...this might be fun if the guys had chosen to help.  But did they???
NOoooooo, of course not <g>.

Anyway...on to the point of this missive.

(and there *will* be one. Trust me;)

Mentoring is the single most important reason why I experienced *anything*
more than just surfing and reading.

It started with one email on one gen Sentinel list...and grew.

I mean...here I am. Venting about losing KC's UPN affiliate a couple of
years ago, and suddenly there's this "Are you in the KC area, TOO??!" post
in my mailbox. Which became a regular *stream* of mails.  Which turned out
to be from one of my favorite writers.  Which turned into an invitation to
come along with her and her friends to MW. Sight unseen.

Gulp!!

So we exchanged phone numbers.  And talked.  And Talked. And then met.  In
Person! ( a lot of you *know* how intimidating/scary *that* can be!)

And that's how I ended up traveling halfway across the country by car with
4 other people, only one of whom I'd ever met.  And staying at the hotel
with 3 *other* new friends.

And at that first MW, I basically hung out with them.  Having a wonderful
time.

But *this* year....WOW!!  It was even better.

(and yes...that means YOU, E.B. <wave> and Viv ;)

I did things that for those of you who know me, seem like no big deal.  But
still, to me, are taking a leap into the pond.

I went down to the SlashBreakfast on my own.  thinking I was going to have
breakfast with 25 people I'd never met before.

Wrong!

I volunteered for panels...abet with a nudge (hi! again, Emmie).  Gulp!!
MediaWest Panels!!

And had a blast.

I went to a party for a old/new fandom of mine.  Knowing I might know 1
other person there.

And ended up playing charades until WAY too late ;)  (Ro...you are *evil*!!
And don't even get me *started* on Mel ;)  Oops, and Sandy.  and...well,
you know how it goes. LOL.

And getting one of the best hugs I can ever remember (thanks, MommaBird)

I arranged to meet writers who's stuff I suck up the minute I find it...and
ended up having 5 hour plot discussions until I basically ended up waving
and nodding my way thru Sunday because my throat was all tired out <bg>.

I got to arranged to meet with someone I met pretty casually, *last* MW,
and ended up spending most breakfasts, lunches and dinners with.  And panel
time.  And other time.  Time where she introduced me to *other* writers I
hadn't met yet, time discussing her work, and my work, and what was going
to happen in our respective universes.

Time in the art room oggling Susan Lovett's work with lust in our hearts.
<eg>.

In other words.

Mentoring.

And becoming my friend.

And hopefully, I paid a little of that back. (Hiya, GroundControl!)

Life gets pretty busy and taking the time to introduce somebody new to the
ways and means of what , to you, is a pretty set and comfortable routine
can take a lot of energy.  Energy that I hope I have to give willingly and
with a joyful heart.  Just like Gena and EB have done for me.

Ducking back in to get started on another room,
Carole W





Subject: [VP] Mentoring new congoers
Date: Tue, 03 Aug 1999 15:29:17 -0400
From: flamingoslim@delphi.com
To: VenicePlace <veniceplace@jbx.com>

This topic came up in a private discussion with some other list members.
Some neighbors have mentioned how intimidating it can be to go to your
first con.  You don't know anyone but everyone knows each other.  Even
doing something like going to a planned SH party can be unnerving if
you've never met any of these folks face to face.  (And after you've
walked in and seen the weird woman with the flamingo hat and flamingo
slippers you *know* you're definitely in the wrong place! :-D )  Most
people find me a very assertive, even aggressive, individual and can't
imagine me ever acting like a shrinking violet, but the fact is one of
my big social problems (besides that other one!) is entering a room full
of people I don't know.  Sometimes I can have trouble entering a room
full of people I *do* know.  (Specially if I owe them money!)  My
partner and I managed to attend about 6 Media West cons without ever
really making friends with anyone or getting to know anyone. (Miami Vice
fandom was totally miniscule, so it didn't lead to networking.)  But I
did meet 1 significant person in MV: Ro.  It was our dear cab driver
from the Twilight Zone who literally dragged me by the hand into my
first SH party at Media and my life was forever changed.  (Yeah, in
those days I still had some free time! :-D )  It was really unnerving --
the room was *packed* and everyone seemed to know everybody else.  I
knew I was being phobic, but it hardly mattered.  Of course, once they
showed me the red underwear scene, well, let's just say I haven't been
the same since.  I mean, I have so much trouble with this entry issue
that I almost didn't go to a very small (5 people) SH gathering at
Martha's house because the only person I knew was Martha and I barely
knew her.  My partner nearly had to put me in the car.

Anyway, I bring all this up (will she *ever* get to the point?) to say
that of all the fandoms I know, SH has got to be the friendliest and the
most open to new fans.  But that doesn't necessarily mean that walking
into a con and showing up at a party and saying, "Hi, I'm..." is that
easy for most people to do.  However, because SH *is* such a friendly
fandom, I think there's an *easy* solution to this.

Before the Internet (sometime around the year 1916) most fans discovered
cons by meeting people who either brought them to the con or met them at
the con.  Someone they'd befriended through either proximity or fandom
interests.  Meeting *one* person you've been talking to is a hell of a
lot less intimidating than meeting 30 people all at once.  A Japanese
fan who isn't on the list right now went to Media to meet one fan, ended
up rooming with another on the spur of the moment and by the time the
party rolled around she was very comfortable with the group in *spite*
of the fairly large language barrier.

If any of you are considering going to a con either because it's near
you or because you've heard good things about it, but you're just a
little overwhelmed at the notion of just walking into a strange place
full of strangers, why don't we try this?  Two options, whichever is the
least scary: either bring it up publicly on the list like Carol and Blue
have most recently, and lets see who else might be going to the same con
who would be willing to "mentor" you there -- set up a place to meet,
share a meal, show the new congoer around and let her know what's what
and in the course of events introduce her to others, attend a panel or
something together, go with her to the party if there is one, etc.  Not
that you have to move in with this person, but since many of us at cons
join up with various groups of people on and off all weekend, for the
experienced con goer this would be a fairly normal activity.  If a
public declaration is too intimidating then drop me a note (or anyone
else on the list you're comfortable communicating with) telling them
which con and they can act as "match-maker."

Mentoring in fandom is very traditional.  Most of us have been "brought
in" to cons and other public events by one person we've met.  I would've
never made it into that party without Ro and her Twilight Zone cab.
(Ro: "You'll love them. They're great people.  They're all like us." Me:
"That's what I'm afraid of.") Of course, I always consider fandom
mentering in the same vein as the warning the nuns gave me so many years
ago: You never go to hell alone, you always take someone with you.  I
remember smiling at the good Sister and saying, "Well, in that case, I'm
bringing a party."  And I know you will all be there!

So, how about bringing a few other fun souls in for the ride?

Flamingo
