| Like any neighborhood, VenicePlace has its joys and sorrows. The unexpected death of NancyT23 was a terrible shock. Nancy was an important part of VenicePlace and her loss brought out beautiful tributes to this intelligent, lovely friend who we will always miss. This site is a tribute to Nancy and our feelings for her. What follows is some of Nancy's messages to the list, and some of our farewell messages to her. Anyone interested in contributing to the memorial fund for Nancy's children, write to: FlamingoSlim@delphi.com

Nancy's letters:

From: NancyT23
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 14:54:27 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Nancy introduces herself.

Hi Everyone!

I just joined the list and I think someone is nudging me to do an intro, so here goes! I'm a 34-year-old mother of two and I live in Chicago, IL. I've been a Starsky & Hutch fan since the original series aired, but have only seen one episode since TNT picked it up. That's a long time, and I am still really rusty, but I've gobbled down all the fanfic I could find on the Net to help me catch up. (Thank you Alexis Rogers and Cindy Robinson!)

I'm married to a terrific guy who, when we started dating in 1978, was willing to take a back seat to all Starsky & Hutch episodes. He's a graphics designer and all around computer expert, which comes in handy now that I'm hooked into the Internet in a big way. He also happens to like slash, a taste he acquired from me during our high school years, so who knows? If we make it off the waiting list he may be the only guy at Z-Con!

In the real world I do the usual "wife and mom" sort of stuff, including church and school involvement and community volunteer work. In addition to my two daughters, ages 4 and 6, I have an Australian Shepherd and 3 cats. (The concept "feline fanaticism" comes to mind!) I'm also a big fan of Miami Vice, Highlander, La Femme Nikita and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I'll be looking forward to getting to know you guys, and thanks again, Flamingo, for recruiting me! :-)

NancyT

Date: Mon, 24 Nov 1997 13:11:16 -0500 (EST)
From: NancyT23@aol.com
Subject: Re: Who are we???

Hi Ro, Flamingo and everyone!

Along with S&H, my best-loved fandom is VICE. Castillo and Crockett are a source of endless fascination for me (as Flamingo, Kath or Gloria A. can surely attest to, having heard me go on (and on) about them.) I used to write and edit boring stuff for a living (I'm a recovering attorney) but my real love is writing fiction. I wrote 'slash' stories back in my teens, long before I knew what 'slash' was or that anyone else liked it. It wasn't until I started surfing the Net less than a year ago that I discovered fan fiction; ZebraCon was my first-ever "fandom" event. It was also the first time I had even seen a slash 'zine and realized how much *incredible* fiction I'd been missing.
CrowRow wrote:
> I write in many fandoms: S&H, K/S, VICE, SENTINEL, HIGHLANDER, PROS, UNCLE
> and probably a dozen more that I've forgotten to mention.

Ro, I would dearly love to know how I can get a hold of your VICE fiction. If it's anywhere near as good as your S&H stuff I'd gladly walk over hot coals to get it.

Does anyone else on this list write Miami Vice fiction? I mean, other than the Sultana of Pinkness, of course . . .

And Flamingo, l *hope* you're busy writing the sequel to Phone Sex. Or I might have to start begging. And trust me, it wouldn't be pretty.

Happy Thanksgiving, Venice Place.

TTYL,

NancyT23

From: NancyT23 <NancyT23@aol.com>
Subject: Re: VP: Effective Slashing

In a message dated 98-04-07 09:57:14 EDT, carbook writes:
>
> Hey guys!
> Where are all the con survivors! Were there any? : D We need lots and
> lots of good gossip here!

Heh, heh, heh...who *says* any of us survived? And if any of us did (for now I'm pleading the 5th on that) we might well have been smothered to death under the hundreds of unanswered e-mails that piled up in our absences. Seriously, though, it was quite an experience -- one that's forced me to compose an addendum to my 7 Rules for Highly Effective Slashers.

8. Stay out of the way if something (or someone) with pink feathers is trying to mate two VCRs. Unless you're holding the lamp. Or a flashlight. Or you want your arm shoved into a very deep, very tight space (aw, get your minds out of the gutter!)

9. Never bring a handgun to a Con unless it's in a strong case with a huge padlock. You never know *who* will turn out to be gun shy. Heh, heh, heh...

10. Don't bring handcuffs either, unless you're ready to watch a stuffed zebra hang from a light fixture in bondage all weekend.

11. Be prepared to shamelessly beg and bribe the maid -- you'll have to, if you want all the glittery party confetti vacuumed up without any penetrating questions as to why some are shaped like sperm.

12. If you and your 3 slasher roommates decide to take a mid-afternoon nap, expect the phone to ring repeatedly and a visit from at least one macho repair man who needs to fix your bathroom light. (We don't know what else he could take care of, since this is--after all--a *slash* con and there are no men present for him to "bond" with.)

13. Make sure no one is secretly recording (for blackmail purposes, of course) your slash renditions of party stories from the Talk Dirty to Me Game. After all, what would people think if they heard all that fussing about "hot, juicy packages?" Or Jim, Blair, Starsky and Hutch playing poker while simultaneously playing with something else? Or (my personal favorite, but it's just my Miami Vice kink) Sonny Crockett's visit with Castillo the Dentist?

14. But make *sure* someone has a camera ready the next time Crow Row ruts with the rug. Excellent technique!

15. If our Gentle Listmother *ever* says she hates playing Charades, believe her. She repeated this so many times during the game that it simply must be true.

16. Try to avoid playing Charades at any cost -- these women are sadistic.

17. If you *can't* avoid playing Charades, just make sure you're on the same team with Crow Row and L. Cabrillo. That way you'll be sure to win. Ro has ESP, and Linda knows ever SH title, fact, quote and trivia bit ever known to man. Example: I was given the quote "You have 24 hours to live, pig" to act out. All I had to do was indicate it was a quote, and how many words there were, then move right on to Word Number 7. I snorted once, loudly. Boldly, even. If memory serves correctly, the Pink One bitched about me vocalizing. I believe it was Ro who yelled
"pig!" and Linda who then spewed out the entire quote -- all in less than 10 seconds I'm sure. Scary. Really, really, scary.

And, finally, the 18th rule for Highly Effective Slashers:

18. Let someone else on the list (preferably someone with a deathwish) deal the *really* juicy gossip. Especially when the guilty parties all know where you live. And you all know that I am far too weak, timid, soft- spoken, puritanical and polite to *ever* engage (or even be in the same room as) the sort of nefarious goings-on that earned this group the appellation of "perverts" in the first place.

TTYL,

NancyT23

P.S. Forget whatever rumors you might have heard that I go weeks without sleep or have a serious impulse control problem. I don't know *how* anyone ever got such a silly idea in the first place!

Date: Tue, 21 Apr 1998 13:24:58 -0400 (EDT)
From: NancyT23 <NancyT23@aol.com>
Subject: Re: VP/Connexions Thank Yous

Hi All,

The Gropeable Glo writes:

> Sorry I haven't had much of a chance to post lately.

But we're so glad you're back and getting caught up. :-)

> Anyway, I am feeling very remiss and I wanted to take the time to say some
> special thank you's to all the wonderful ladies who made my recent birthday
> such a special occasion for me.

And a wonderful job you did thanking everyone, too! You're so very welcome.

>Wow...two short years
> ago and I didn't know any of you. I was only coming to know that an SH
> fandom even existed. And now it, and all of you, are such a prominent, vital part
> of my life that I don't know how I ever lived without it.

Amazing, isn't it, how you can find a place and suddenly feel so much at home? I feel exactly the same way, except *I've* only been involved for the six short months since Z-Con.

> The gift that blew me away beyond all the rest, however, was THE TEE SHIRT.
> It was a white tee shirt, *hand* painted by Nancy T23 and Moonshine Kath,
> decorated with all kinds of colorful groping hands.

I'm so glad you like it, Glo! Alas, you've given me far too much credit for this work of art because the real artistic genius in this duo is Kath. All I really did was facilitate the materials acquisition and 'supervise' (good heavens, I sound so managerial it's scary; but that's what happens when you get a bad rep as a 'consensus builder'). Kath's the one who actually got her hands dirty (literally); I was amazed after the fact at how *little* excess paint wound up in places in the house where it didn't belong (like on the cats and furniture).

> I want to thank Nancy and Kath again. I only just met these wonderful ladies
> at ZCon in October, and yet they took so much time and care into making this
> shirt for me. I was incredibly moved by this gesture.

Hey, I'm just glad I was able to be in Baltimore the week before the Con so I could help Flamingo and Kath with the preparations. I had a terrific time doing it, even if I was doubled over in laughter for most of the time....

I'm very glad you're all in my life.

Love,

NancyT23 (who's trying to find back-to-back panels to moderate at MWC so she can avoid the trauma of further psychic (and psycho) charades).

Just kidding.

I think.

Date: Sat, 30 May 1998 15:08:39 -0400 (EDT)
From: NancyT23@aol.com
Subject: Re: [VP] Another Con Report

Hi, Everyone,

Now that my sunny writing partner has put her inimitable perky spin on things, I feel inspired to add what few disjointed details I can dredge up from my deeply disturbed and sleep-deprived cranium (my brain's still off somewhere reading galley proofs, I think).

> Wednesday:
> Packed like fiend

And thank goodness she remembered to pack my favorite t-shirt that's been living on the East Coast ever since Connexions (please, please, no snooty remarks about its miniscule size).

> Had to change planes and telephoned my fan writing buddy
> Nancy TWICE to check on the progress of a writing project

Yep, hard to collaborate when one of you is on a plane...

(can we say, "Down to the wire???")

We could say lots of things, but everyone would simply chalk it up to insanity. **Memo to self: In the future, don't still be writing first draft two days before the zine is to premiere at MediaWest.** That was the week I did not sleep. I didn't even finish proofing galleys until 9:00 a.m. on Friday morning! The zine wasn't printed 'til almost noon, and forget about binding it! My husband Erik and I had four hours to get from Chicago to Lansing by car, and it was all we could do to stay awake en route.

Never having been to MWC before, I blithely assumed I could volunteer for a ton of panels and they'd put me on one.

WRONG.

They put me on them all. Or it felt like it. So the *first* thing I did when we got to the Con, while Erik bound zines in the car, was to moderate a writing workshop on using song lyrics. Thanks, Kath, for being at the panel, binding, hauling, and everything else!

Somehow we also managed to hook up with my buddy L. Cabrillo and the awesome Karen M. and Lisa L. (thanks for the room, Karen!) ... and, of course, Linda R.!

Friday evening passed by in a blur of sleep deprivation and zine binding, though I dimly recall happy reunions with Flamingo, Anne, Glo, Ro and Kelly.

We never did manage to leave time for breakfast. Saturday Erik and I each had two panels, his on publishing and mine on writing. My panels were back to back, and very well-attended (understandable, since neither was fandom-specific.) In particular, my panels seemed to be well-attended by dogs. Including one that heckled us (well, what do *you* call sporadic barking during a presentation?) and one that gave people fleas. Next year I'm bringing *my* dog!

> MV 'zines. Then I had to take a slice of time to go down to the Meijer's
> Grocery store and more and order the S&H Room Party and Birthday cake for
> our three birthday girls--Linda Lcabrillo, NancyT23 and Karen

And what a lovely surprise it was! Thank you, everyone! (Even if they *didn't* let me use my pig snort during the actual charades game <sniff> at least I still got to play on the phenomenal telepathic team where Ro and Linda can decipher whole phrases based on one syllable.) Other highlights included meeting Paladin, CJ, Mel and Mayuko--what a terrific bunch of list sibs!

Sunday was all panels, including two I moderated (Don Johnson and historical research as a fiction writing tool). Had another panel on killing off characters, but the highlights were the S/H slash panel and the STIFfies. The S/H discussion was fascinating to me, especially when we discussed how we get the boys together *before* Sweet Revenge, working around all those tiring women they date... And the STIFfies were great because so many of my buddies won! :-)

I was especially pleased that Flamingo won in the Miami Vice category for the story Ro and Kelly published -- it's a small fandom and I was glad to see the support. Finally had a chance to go trolling and picked up some terrific zines, including some SH ones that were new to me because I hadn't gotten them at Z-Con!

Then of course there was the art auction and --as Kath put it-- the tribal dinners with the usual suspects.

Needless to say, the time passed by too quickly and I'm already signed up and looking forward to next year!

Love,

NancyT23

Our tributes to Nancy:

Subject: [VP] OT: Sad And Shocking News About A List Member Date:
Wed, 17 Feb 1999 23:56:29 -0500
From: moonshine71

It is with extreme sadness and enormous grief that I must report the passing of one of our list-sisters. NancyT23 has died unexpectedly today in her home. She was an exceptionally talented individual whose passing is a tremendous loss to her friends in particular and fandom as a whole. In a couple of days, when things are calmer, I will provide memorial information. Please think good thoughts for Nancy and those who love her at this trying time.

Pax,
Kath

Subject: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 00:03:03 -0500
From: FlamingoSlim

I met Nancy over on the Miami Vice gen list just about 2 years ago. The gen list was not a very warm place and was openly hostile to slash, so any time any of the gen list members approached me privately I was cautious about bringing up that topic. We wrote back enormous emails for awhile and danced around the slash issue and when I finally broached her about the subject, she was so relieved because she was a major slash fan and wasn't sure how *I* felt about it.

After some more correspondence, I invited her to join VenicePlace. I wasn't the list mom then, Robin was, so I wrote to Robin and Nancy joined us. What I didn't know was that was just a short time before this, she had had to deal with the death of both her parents within a week's time. She told me much later that the warm, open atmosphere of VenicePlace-- so different from the Vice list-- was a tremendous comfort during this difficult time. She felt as if she'd found a home in fandom because of VenicePlace, and many of her closest fan friends she met through VP. Nancy was very active on the list in those days. While she was an avid Vice fan, she'd grown up with S&H and they were her first slash pair. Nancy helped a lot with the establishment of the two SH Archives alone with other list members, including working out various issues that many of us had concerns about. Her intelligence, her wit, and her caring were prodigious and I always felt intellectually lacking in her presence -- not because she *made* me feel that way but because her own brilliance was so outstanding that it was hard not to be a little breathless in its presence.

Shortly after I got Nancy into VP, I asked her where she lived and found out she was in Chicago. "Ever heard of Z-con?" I asked. The con was only a week or so away and memberships were sold out, but we contacted some people and suddenly she and her husband were able to attend. That was her first con. And that was the first time I got to meet her in person.

She was a powerhouse personality packed into a small but fierce human. Her intensity was impressive, as was her humor, her quick smile, and her ability to laugh at herself. She was a helluva
writer and a damned good editor, and cared about fandom with the same passion she brought to everything she did. She wanted so much to give back to fandom because of what she felt fandom gave to her that she made it a point to get actively involved in cons, promoting both SH and Vice, volunteering for panels and heavily promoting Vice and SH slash whenever she could.

She was always the first one willing to help throw birthday parties, fandom parties, celebrate someone else, edit other people's stories, and she was tireless at encouraging me in my writing, especially during my doubting and slack periods. The night before the first Connexions con I was in such a complete sense of disarray I couldn't even manage to get packed. Nancy had spent part of the day with Kath and me with my crane chicks, feeding the baby birds and showing a lot of interest in what I did, and that night, while we talked non-stop, she helped me organize the things I needed for the con, and helped me pack. I don't know that I ever would've gotten there without that help from her. I never spent an evening in Nancy's company that I didn't see night turn to morning but I was always the one who had to turn in first -- Nancy could always outlast me.

I wrote to Nancy just this past Monday. I needed a favor from her and I wanted to thank her for sending me something I'd asked her for. I also wanted to ask if she was ready to look at something I wanted to send her for a Vice zine she was trying to put together. I sent her a brief note and commented that I knew she had to be incredibly busy since she hadn't posted anything while we were talking about writing -- a topic she always found fascinating and could talk about for days. She wrote me back that yes, she had a lot going on, told me of course she would help me with the favor and once again waxed poetic about one of my Vice stories that she loved and she was dying to see whatever I could get together for the zine. The note was brief and upbeat and all Nancy, if a little light. As usual, she asked about my pets, especially my cats.

The day I received her response, my oldest cat Crystal, the 17 year old matriarch of our house, had to be euthanized. It wasn't a surprise, but it's always sad to say goodbye to an old friend. I didn't answer Nancy's email that day, because Crystal was her favorite of my cats and I didn't want to talk about it right away. And I didn't want to make Nancy sad. So, I just thought I'd wait a day or two to answer her email. By the next day, she was gone. I'm so grateful now that we had that brief, friendly correspondence together, just those few words.

I haven't really accepted the loss of this beautiful, vibrant woman. My heart goes out to her husband and children and the friends she had who were much closer to her than I was.

Nancy was good at giving. She gave love, she gave friendship, she gave help. She gave a lot.

Martha suggested on the phone to me that we consider putting together some kind of memorial to her, and I would love that. For those of us who will be meeting at cons later in the year, I'd like to help organize some memorial service for Nancy's friends in fandom.

Nancy had a home here on VP. We'll hang a wreath with a black band on the door and remember our friend.

Flamingo

Subject: Re: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 13:16:42 +0100
From: Mona

Dear Girls!

This is Mona from Germany (--- staying out of bed for a while... Some of you may already know, that I've been given bedrest until the delivery of the baby - which should be due next saturday. That's why I'm not able to answer my e-mails or read very much of them.)

It came to me as an enormous shock that in the first mail I've read for the last 8 weeks I had to discover the sad news about Nancy's death.

I had a little bit of private e-mail-contact with her and she seemed very nice to me.

Now I'm very upset, because I just discovered, that I haven't answered Nancy's last two e-mails and it drives me crazy, that now I'll never have another chance to do so. :(

I can't believe, that she isn't with us anymore. It's very hard to deal with such a loss...

I'm grieving with all of you who've known her better than I.

And to speak with SHaron's words:
>I'd love to honour her life in a memorial of some sort, and would willingly
>contribute in any way which might be suitable.

Huge hugs from a very sad
Mona

Subject: [VP] Goodbye, Nancy....
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 08:43:09 -0500
From: moonshine71
Dear Venice Place,

Please find below a missive I wrote for NancyT23's other slash list.... I am incapable of writing this again and saw no real need to change it. While Nancy only wrote in Miami Vice fandom, she was a devoted fan of many shows. She bought fanzines, wrote LOCs, and attended and chaired fan panels in Starsky & Hutch, Quantum Leap (she loved Dean Stockwell!), La Femme Nikita, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Highlander and others.

Services for Nancy will be held in Chicago on Saturday morning from 10:00 to noon. I would like to think that all of you will take a moment in that two hour period to send a good thought winging in that direction. In attendance will be her husband and two young daughters as well as many of her friends and colleagues.

Nancy loved Miami Vice. She was a devoted fan from the very first episode. She even took her honeymoon in Miami because she had the good sense to marry another MV fan! :^) Besides being a dedicated fan writer, she was a funny, brilliant and vivacious person. Nancy graduated with highest honors from her college with a double major in political science and journalism, winning many awards in the process. She went on to law school and again graduated with great distinction. Post graduation, Nancy was recruited by one of Chicago's leading law firms where her brilliance and tenacity was remarked upon again and again. Nancy was not only involved in her "real life" community of chairing international committees, charity work, caring for her cats and the full time job of raising her children...she was a hell of a fan! For nearly two years we've ate, talked and slept Miami Vice fan fiction and have written almost 250,000 words together, of which less than half have been published.

Though Nancy was small in stature, she was--in every sense--"the smallest giant ever."

The fannish project that has kept Nancy and I busy since Thanksgiving was our anthology "Definitely Miami." Nancy's wish was to produce, in her own words, "A kick-ass Miami Vice zine!" And while I can't even pretend to fill her shoes, I know she would want all of her fiction to be shared with fandom. Definitely Miami, a slash anthology dedicated in Loving Memory to NancyT23, will be published.

Thank you all for reading this. It eases my broken heart to share some of my best memories of Nancy with caring fans.

Just two more things before I go:

I am collecting a memorial fund to be given to her children. Nancy came from a humble background and always advocated thrift and savings. There have been many times we would pop in an episode of Miami Vice and I would iron clothes while she *darned* socks. I plan to purchase EE Bonds which double in value as they mature. When I give the girls this token of our affection, I will tell them that every dollar represents someone who loved their mother. As the girls grow and mature, so will the bonds. I don't think the metaphor of love that keeps on growing will be lost on their hearts.

If you would like to make a donation, please contact Flamingo who will forward the information on to me.

In closing, I'd like to tell you a little bit about how Nancy and I came up with our pseudonym "Emily Langston" (we have others we used, but this was our first.) When we took those first toddling steps toward a collaborative writing process, we agreed that we wanted to share a strong, simple name. And if it could have literary allusions, all the better--we wanted to christen our efforts with a name that represented, to us, quality in endeavor. Both of us suggested the names of authors we admired and came up with Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes. In this way our new "self" was born.

I'm including two passages below, the first is one that Nancy herself might have selected by Dickinson, the second is my response as written by Hughes.

Pax,
Kath-who is grateful for all of your kind condolences

The Soul selects her own Society--
Then--shuts the Door--
To her divine Majority--
Present no more--

I loved my friend.
He went away from me.
There's nothing more to say.
The poem ends,
Soft as it began--
I loved my friend.

Subject: Re: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 10:17:27 -0500 (EST)
From: Atirakei

I only want to echo how shocked and saddened I am by Nancy's passing. I had the privilege of exchanging e-mail with her towards the end of last year and the beginning of this concerning some of my slash writings.

Her words were always supportive and encouraging, and I am sorry not to hear them again.

Laurie
Atirakei@aol.com

Subject: Re: [VP] Goodbye, Nancy....
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 09:12:24 -0800
From: slash4me

Hello!

In view of this sad occasion, I am sending a few lines from a poem I read years ago, and have seen in sympathy cards:

"We cannot say, we will not say,
That she is dead; she has gone away.
With a cheery smile and a wave of her hand,
She has traveled into a far off land.
She leaves us wondering 'Oh, how fair it
Must be!' since she lingers there."

Though I never met her, personally, please convey this, and my sincere condolences to her loving husband and daughters. Let them know that, at the appointed time, they will see her again...in a far better place; and that I, between 10am and Noon (8am and 10am here in California), my thoughts will be with them.

Jatona

Subject: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1999 16:50:22 -0500 (EST)
From: LCabrillo

While there's no way I can match the eloquence of others who have written, I wanted to share some of my own memories of NancyT23.

I first met Nancy at Zebra Con in '97. I remember how excited she was to have discovered the wonderful world of fandom. She fit in with our wacky group right away because of her enthusiasm, sense of humor and kind nature.

I got to know her better at the next SHarecon. She and Kath picked me up at BWI to drive me to the con. What a challenge it was to pack the three of us and all our belongings into a *small* car for the trip to Hunt Valley, MD. We not only had our own possessions and a box of zines, but supplies for Glo's birthday party -- which included two cakes and about a dozen helium-filled balloons. Imagine putting a three-dimensional puzzle together. Every piece had to go in exactly right for it to work! Because of her small size, Nancy got to sit in the back with the balloons and an ice chest, holding a cake on her lap. It's a long drive from BWI to Hunt Valley and poor Nancy ended up sitting in a significant wet spot caused by melting ice, as well as being batted in the face constantly by renegade balloons. There was a lot of hysterical laughter in the car that night! She had also assisted Kath in the creation of Glo's completely unique "Grope Glo" T-shirt -- definitely a one-of-a-kinder! At the con, Nancy was part of the game of Charades that gave birth to the infamous phrase, "Swoon Henry and the Outhouse Boys." She loved fandom and was a delight to be around!

It's hard to believe that I'll never get to share in the glow of Nancy's dynamic personality again. I wish her well on her journey and feel grateful to have known her for the time I did. As many have said, she will be missed!

Linda

Subject: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Sun, 21 Feb 1999 09:02:42 -0500
From: paladin

I've been trying for several days to find a way to express how wonderful Nancy was & how much I am saddened by her death. I've given up trying to make this email as perfect as possible & decided to just say what I can.

It's the same for me as everyone else who knew her. She was a delight: intelligent, caring, humorous, energetic, dedicated, generous, a devoted wife, mother & friend to so many.

My heart is broken over this great loss & broken even more so for the even greater loss this is for her family & friends who knew her longer than I. There is a hole in our world now in the place Nancy used to occupy. It can't be filled but perhaps we can make it less deep with our memories of her.

"Don't let it be forgot
That once there was a spot
For one brief, shining moment
That was known as Camelot"

I will miss you, Nancy.

Love,
Paladin

Subject: [VP] Missing Nancy
Date: Sun, 21 Feb 1999 23:18:15 -0500 (EST)
From: Glorug

I've been thinking so much about what I want to say about Nancy. It's hard to think clearly when you are still grieving a loss. But I didn't want to not say anything, so I'm going to try here to get my thoughts together.

I first met Nancy at ZebraCon. She and her husband sat at our table during the dinner thing and costume party. She was full of energy and enthusiasm. She was a new fan at her first con and looking at everything through her eyes brought back that sense of wonder that I felt at my first con.

I only got to spend three cons with Nancy and share some email. But through that brief contact I got to know this unique, smart, creative, enthusiastic individual who was always this ball of energy in constant motion.

She was full of questions. She was full of ideas. She was eager to participate in stuff. She dove into fandom with both feet and seemed determined to make up for lost time by immersing herself in this wondrous new world she discovered. She was awed by the writers whose works enthralled her and she always wanted to talk to them and pick their brain and bestow all kinds of accolades on them and words of support.

Nancy was fun. Full of jokes and good humor. She even *enjoyed* being coerced into a game of "CrowRow" charades. She fluttered about in enthusiasm while the rest of us rolled our eyes and groaned.

Nancy was open to new things. I remember her saying about a new fandom that others were into but she hadn't seen the draw in "Okay, convince me. Give me something to read that will *show* me why I should want to be interested in this. Explain to me what you see that I don't." Nancy was opened rather than closed. She wanted to know all she could about anything and everything.

By her second con, Nancy was leading panels. She was just so eager to get involved that she didn't let her newness stand in her way. She plunged in. She was good too. She loved discussions and exchanging idea. She seemed to thrive on the energy generated through such an exchange. Whether she was leading the panel or just taking part in it, she was fully involved and participating and interested in what everyone had to say. She was one of those people who was an active listener. She would look right at you and you could see she was totally involved and taking in what you were saying, not just waiting patiently for her turn to talk. You *felt* listened to when you talked to Nancy.

Nancy had a big heart and a generous nature. Connexions was only my second meeting with Nancy, ZCON a few months prior being the first. And yet this woman who barely knew me threw all her energy and effort into putting together my surprise birthday party. LCabrillo already detailed some of that story so well. But I just wanted to reiterate what that meant to me. I am SO glad I wrote to both her and the list to acknowledge those wonderful things she did for me. I was so incredibly touched by this woman's care and generosity. Nancy and Moonshine *made* my shirt...the painted, hand-printed one-of-a-kind treasure that I will keep forever. It even has Nancy's handwriting on it from where she wrote her message to me. It made me cry to have someone go to that much trouble for me when they had only just met me. It was a feeling of warmth that I will carry with me forever. It's Nancy's legacy to me, to remind me how important it is to reach out and touch people; to use your energy to make someone smile or bring them a little piece of joy or some warmth in this cold world.

Life is so short. Sometimes life is so hard that we get bogged down in all of its demands and burdens and we forget to look up and to take time and expend some energy on things that seem so little, but are so very important. But what could be more important than to make someone smile? To brighten their day in some small way? To really *listen* to what they are saying? To offer words of praise and support and encouragement? To share a laugh?

Sometimes you don't even know the effects your small gesture will have on someone's life. I'm not sure if Nancy ever knew how much those little moments we shared or the things she did touched my
life. I'm not sure I even noticed myself fully until now. But I do know I'll never forget again.

Nancy can not be brought back. Nancy can not be replaced. But Nancy can not be lost either. She lives on in all of those that she touched. We carry her inside of us and we can use that shaft of light she gave us to light others. By doing that, Nancy's energy and spirit will always live on.

Rest well, Nancy.
I miss you.
Gloria