Subject: [VP] RE; BAND PRACTICE REPORT
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 1999 21:43:13 -0400 (EDT)
From: CrowRow@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

     Well, it's good to see the band up and playing again.

      I was really impressed by our blond detective's solo at last night's
practice.  That comedy act he initiated mid-song was priceless.  I think we
should incorporate it into every night's performance.  Just the sight of
that
big blond blintz leaping backwards to avoid the snapping guitar string,
tripping over my harp, then knocking Diana into Starsk'y lap was enough to
hospitalize most of us from laughing.  John Cleese couldn't have handed it
better.  And Glo IRa out-did herself with that shrill  whistle blowing.  Our
accordian player was so flummoxed to find herself knocked into Hutch that
she
got him stuck in the folds of her instrument.  I still don't understand why
Starsky became so upset with our accordian player.  I believed her when she
said that she was only trying to disconnect Hutch from her instrument when
she grabbed hold of him in a strategic place.  Luckily, our intrepid
band-master was able to whip us all into submission with her pretty purple
dildo,,err... baton.  Either that or we were all too stunned from her
ceaseless whistle blowing to object.  Anybody out there want to try a
midnight raid to get the whistle from our power mad leader?  I know where
she
keeps the damn thing and have an agent under deep cover staying in her
house.
 How  bout it, Skippy?  You and Rambo Jim Head #6 want to go for broke?
Contact me through the usual means, and use the code this time.  The
band-master's getting suspicious.  LOL

      Love to all,

            Ro



Subject: [VP] RE: BAND PRACTICE REPORT
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 01:24:38 -0300
From: dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

(insert Mission Impossible theme here)

(Ro, witness of Hutch's newest amazing feat of klutziness, said...)
>Well, it's good to see the band up and playing again.

You said it sister - the hills are alive with the sound of...that *%@&#&*
whistle!  Yowl!  Hey, if anyone's gonna be a whistle blower 'round here,
it's gonna be VP Security.  This is gotta stop.  The RJH's are zonin' big
time.

(Ro's assignment, should I accept...)
>Anybody out there want to try a
>midnight raid to get the whistle from our power mad leader?  I know where
she
>keeps the damn thing and have an agent under deep cover staying in her
house.
>How bout it, Skippy?  You and Rambo Jim Head #6 want to go for broke?

In the wee hours of the morning is better than midnight - Glo may be an
early to bed type, but take it from me, Ira can keep on going all night
long!  RJH#6 is *very* intent on dispatching the whistle in question - he
is, ummm, shall we say, less than fond of loud shrill noises.


>Contact me through the usual means, and use the code this time.  The
>band-master's getting suspicious.  LOL

I'm down with that, sister.  Let's rock!

Skippy
Evil Twin to...

Diana
Starsky's Lapsitter and Head of VP Security

Subject: Re: [VP] RE; BAND PRACTICE REPORT
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 1999 23:48:46 -0500
From: Elaine Hauptman <mzelaine@ICSI.Net>
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

Ro reported.....

>better.  And Glo IRa out-did herself with that shrill  whistle blowing.
Our
>accordian player was so flummoxed to find herself knocked into Hutch that
she
>got him stuck in the folds of her instrument.  I still don't understand why
>Starsky became so upset with our accordian player.  I believed her when she
>said that she was only trying to disconnect Hutch from her instrument when
>she grabbed hold of him in a strategic place.  Luckily, our intrepid

*sob, sniff, whimper*  I just want to know who was playing that
accordian!!!  I, mzelaine, the original accordian player in this group, was
unable to be at the con.  I can't stand the thought that somebody might
have usurped my place!  I'da been there if I coulda!  Please tell me it was
somebody playing one of those stupid silly little concertina's, and not a
*real* accordian player!!!  I mean, any *clown* can play a concertina, but
it takes *real talent* to play an accordian!

    elaine (...devastated at the thought that she's been replaced...)

Subject: RE: [VP] Starsky & Hutch discuss theology
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 09:28:07 -0300
From: dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

Memo from VP Security:

So Skippy comes in this morning with one of *those* kinda grins on her
face, and when I tried to find out just how much trouble she's been
causing, she throws me a curve...

"Don't worry about *me*, Sis," she says, "Worry about yourself.  People
around here are taking advantage of your self-imposed,
the-semester's-over-in-two-weeks exile.  Big time.  Even Flamingo and Mel
are in on it.  You best get off your butt and catch up on your email."

Well, seeing as how the Great Bird of the Building is involved I figured I
needed to check this out.

(Flamingo spins a yarn:)
>>>>> {Starsky says} Like that incredible solo you played last
night with the band?  That was somethin' else...at least it was until
that guitar string broke and nearly cut your nose off.  Really threw our
interpretive dancer off her stride.  When all 6 feet of her got tangled
up in her own butterfly wings, and the accordion player laughed so hard
I thought she was gonna catch one of her...um...mammaries in the squeeze
box, and then when Glo-Ira started blowin' that damned whistle Flamingo
gave her-- <<<<<

I'll have you know that Glo-Ira commented later that my ad-lib to the
"Dance of the Bell-Bottom Partridge" (you know, the one that goes with the
chorus to "Mandy I think I love you") was quite impressive.  She especially
liked the landing.  All 6 ft of me tangled up in Starsky's lap might have
to become a permanent part of the routine.  Ah, the sacrifices I make for
my art.

(Ok, so back to Flamingo's tale:)
>>>>> "Well, as one of the two detectives in the place maybe I should talk
to
the Head Of Security and check the situation out."

Hutch pointed a warning finger at him.  "I have a very strong suspicion
that you and HOS get into more than enough trouble around here.  It
makes me nervous when you two conspire together.  Stay off the roof!"

Starsky smirked.  "Don't call her HOS!" <<<<<

I'll have you know that Starsky makes a very good deputy, and that unlike
*some* people I could mention (you readin' this, Marcia?) he is very
sensitive to the big girl syndrome that I suffer from and NEVER calls me
HOS.  (or Lurch, or Bigfoot, or Lumbering Oaf, for that matter)

>>>>> (Flamingo spreads rumors about the angel know as Mel)
Starsky smiled, remembering the little mound of chocolate kisses he'd
found near his coffee cup this morning.  Right near a set of tell-tale
tire marks and a few strands of Yorkie fur.<<<<<

Mel, as your virtual attorney, I strongly advise you not to comment on
these allegations.

Ooops!  Too late...

>>>>> (Mel had a few words to say in her defense)
This wasn't me and Emily, I swear! Do we look like the type that
would do that? We weren't even there! We were on vacation. My
alarm didn't go off. I had a flat tire. It was an accident. The
dog ate my homework.... Oops, sorry, I got carried away. <<<<<

Um, my client pleads not guilty.  <grumble>  Mel, keep quiet would ya?  I
had the situation under control.

Ahem, yes, where were we?  You see, there was a glitch in the security
systems right around that time - a ripple in the space-time continuum most
likely - and it's impossible to determine who left those highly addictive
tasty tidbits next to Starsky's cup.

So, that should about cover it.  Remember, VP's Head of Security in on
call, 24hrs a day, 7 days a week for Hutch's, um I mean, your personal
protection.

Diana

BTW, You moon-ladies need to see me for security clearance before you go
traipsing off to play on the roof.  (read: Damn! Naked Dancing?!  And I
don't even have cameras up there...)

Subject: [VP] The case of Mel vs The State of VP California....
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 13:47:33 -0400 (EDT)
From: SRandant@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 4/16/99 8:31:53 AM EST, dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
writes:

> >>>>> (Flamingo spreads rumors about the angel know as Mel)
>  Starsky smiled, remembering the little mound of chocolate kisses he'd
>  found near his coffee cup this morning.  Right near a set of tell-tale
>  tire marks and a few strands of Yorkie fur.<<<<<
>
>
>  Mel, as your virtual attorney, I strongly advise you not to comment on
>  these allegations.
>
>  Ooops!  Too late...
>
>
>  >>>>> (Mel had a few words to say in her defense)
>  This wasn't me and Emily, I swear! Do we look like the type that
>  would do that? We weren't even there! We were on vacation. My
>  alarm didn't go off. I had a flat tire. It was an accident. The
>  dog ate my homework.... Oops, sorry, I got carried away. <<<<<
>
>
>  Um, my client pleads not guilty.  <grumble>  Mel, keep quiet would ya?  I
>  had the situation under control.
>
Your Honor, I'd like to cross examine this witness.  Thank you.

Now, Ms. Mel...That *is* your real name, isn't it?

Isn't true that you were seen leaving the apartment of one 'Ken Hutchinson
and David M. Starsky on or about the morning of the 15th of April?

Isn't also true that you left a trail of Hersey's Kisses a mile wide in your
wake?!

Then how do you explain the evidence of your chocolate covered fingerprints
all over the persons of 'K. Hutchinson and D.M. Starsky'?!  And what about
the dog hairs, hmmm?!  Isn't it true that you dragged that innocent little
dog of yours into your life of crime?!!!  LIAR!!!

I rest my case, Your Honor.

Your witness, Diane.

SandyR

Subject: RE: [VP] The case of Mel vs The State of VP California....
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 13:29:46 -0500
From: "Rayl, Melodi K." <raylm@st-louis-exch01.army.mil>
To: "'SRandant@aol.com'" <SRandant@aol.com>, veniceplace@jbx.com

Wait a minute! I can explain everything!

> Isn't true that you were seen leaving the apartment of one 'Ken Hutchinson
> and David M. Starsky on or about the morning of the 15th of April?
<and>
> Isn't it true that you dragged that innocent little dog of yours into
> your life of crime?!!!


Emily, who has been taking Guard Dog lessons from Dief, told me
that she thought someone had broken into the guys' apartment!

And, since our esteemed Security Guard was up on the roof installing
video cameras and other security items, and had left her Pass Key
with me, In Case of Emergencies, and, since I have the Rayl Detective
Agency as a sideline - Motto: No One Tails Like a Rayl - I decided
that we should investigate. I wouldn't want just *anyone* breaking
into the boys' place, you know.

And, sure enough, someone *had* broken and entered! There was
chocolate all over! Sick, sick, sick. So, being the thoughtful and
considerate person I am, I decided I should tidy up. Of course,
since I couldn't carry all that loot, er, I mean, deviant items
out with me, I had to eat a lot of it, getting it all over my own
clean, innocent hands! What a sacrifice! But a woman's gotta do
what a woman's gotta do...

> Isn't also true that you left a trail of Hersey's Kisses a mile wide
> in your wake?!

Only the stuff I couldn't eat!

>Then how do you explain the evidence of your chocolate covered fingerprints
>all over the persons of 'K. Hutchinson and D.M. Starsky'?!

Well, they did get a little close to me while I was exiting the apartment...
That's *their* fault. They should have more respect for the handicapped.
At least I didn't run over their feet.

> And what about the dog hairs, hmmm?!

Emily was just doing her duty, sniffing around for evidence, looking
for lurkers, making sure that the guys hadn't dropped any crumbs in the
kitchen, popcorn in the living room, or bacon grease in the bedroom...

I think that if Ms. Randant is looking for the true culprit in this
affair she should ask the Security Guard to check out the Chocolate
Fiends in the building. Hmm, now that I'm thinking about it, do we
have anybody living here who *isn't* a Chocolate Fiend?

Innocent Until Proven Guilty,

Mel and Em

Subject: [VP] Re: BAND PRACTICE REPORT
Date: Sun, 18 Apr 1999 23:26:55 -0500
From: Elaine Hauptman <mzelaine@ICSI.Net>
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

><< Ro reported.....
>
> >better.  And Glo IRa out-did herself with that shrill  whistle blowing.
>Our accordian player was so flummoxed to find herself knocked into Hutch
that
> she got him stuck in the folds of her instrument.
>
>To which Elaine sobbed:
>
> *sob, sniff, whimper*  I just want to know who was playing that
> accordian!!!  I, mzelaine, the original accordian player in this group,
was
> unable to be at the con.  (snip)
>

And then our glorious (not to mention talented) cabbie said....

>     Hey, honey, don't cry.  Practice wasn't at the con, it was in the
lobby
>at VP on Wednesday night.  Don't you remember?  I know we hit the vino a
>little hard after we got Hutch untangled from your accordian and pried your
>sweaty little hand off the protrusion by which you were... err... assisting
>him,  but surely some of this must be coming back to you?  Or did
>bandmistress Glo Ira's incressant whistle blowing melt your brain cells?
>Mine are still ringing from that hidious sound.

*sniff, sigh*  God, how could I have forgotten.  You know what?  I don't
drink...I mean never.  When it comes to "demon rum" (or anything else
alcoholic) my lips are virgins.  No wonder I don't remember anything...you
got me drunk!  No wonder Hutch tripped over my foot, and I couldn't seem to
help him up.  I felt like a big blob of jelly, like I didn't have any
bones.  I mean, by that time it was a wonder I could even sit up!  I don't
even remember the whistle...all I remember hearing is that incessant
pounding in my head.

   Elaine (....hoping she didn't do anything else to embarrass herself...)

Subject: [VP] Re: OUR DEFLOWERED VIRGIN
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 1999 17:26:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: CrowRow@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

   Your confusing cabbie said:

<< >     Hey, honey, don't cry.  Practice wasn't at the con, it was in the
lobby
 >at VP on Wednesday night.  Don't you remember?  I know we hit the vino a
 >little hard after we got Hutch untangled from your accordian and pried
your
 >sweaty little hand off the protrusion by which you were... err...
assisting
 >him,  but surely some of this must be coming back to you?  Or did
 >bandmistress Glo Ira's incressant whistle blowing melt your brain cells?
 >Mine are still ringing from that hidious sound.

     To which Elaine replied:

<< *sniff, sigh*  God, how could I have forgotten.  You know what?  I don't
<< drink...I mean never.  When it comes to "demon rum" (or anything else
<< alcoholic) my lips are virgins.  No wonder I don't remember
anything...you
<< got me drunk!  No wonder Hutch tripped over my foot, and I couldn't seem
to
<< help him up.  I felt like a big blob of jelly, like I didn't have any
<< bones.  I mean, by that time it was a wonder I could even sit up!  I
don't
<< even remember the whistle...all I remember hearing is that incessant
<< pounding in my head.

      to which the cabbie adds:

     Oh, dear.  Your lips were virgins?????  Ah, Hutch was gentle, but... I
don't think your lips can make that calim anymore, honey.  When you got
Hutch
unstuck from the folds of your accordian, being the kind-hearted and
slightly
sloshed human being that you are, you helpfully asked Hutch if you could
kiss
hiss boo boo to make it better.  You were a boo-boo kissing when an incensed
Starsky fought his way clear of the enthusiastic Butterfly dancer's wings
and charged forward.  Not one to pass up the opportunity to  view the best
looking tusch on the planet, Sandy tossed her instrument in front of
Starsky's addidas.  The dirt ball went over and over and over, yelping at
each band-member's successive attempts to help him up - read groping.
Seeing
his plight, our intrepid momabird rushed to Starsky rescue, but she became
so
fascinated by Starsky's stratrgically placed fringe that she forgot what she
was there for and commenced a little boo-boo kissing herself.    By the time
we pried the great pink one off Starsky, they were both smokey eyed and
breathing heavy. Fortunately, you'd finished kissing Hutch's boo by then, so
the formerly incensed Starsky didn't get the goods on you.  However, there
will be no unicorns chasing after your luscious lips anymore, my girl.  Too
bad you don't remember it.  Believe me, it as memorable.  Certainly a band
practice that none of us will soon forget.

      Well, hope this finds everyone sobered up and ready for the next
practice session.  We must remember to tell Huggy no more hootch.

     Love to all,

      your cabbie, who almost got the insidious whistle last night!




Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1999 20:09:23 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-19 17:28:49 EDT,CrowRow writes:

>      Well, hope this finds everyone sobered up and ready for the next
 practice session.  We must remember to tell Huggy no more hootch.

Okay, now hear this all you lushes!
NO MORE BOOZING IT UP DURING BAND PRACTICE!

We've had far too many incidents of late and our distinct sound is beginning
to suffer. I want all of you to sober up before tomorrow morning's
rehearsal.
Don't make me have to blow my whistle!

 > Love to all,
       your cabbie, who almost got the insidious whistle last night!

As for this insidious plot to steal my whistle just forget it!
I have it hidden in a safe place. I can't even trust the Head of Security to
help me here because she's among those plotting to get their sticky fingers
on my whistle. Well it's not going to happen. Now get back to your
rehearsing
and leave my whistle alone.

Gloira

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1999 21:47:04 -0500
From: Elaine Hauptman <mzelaine@ICSI.Net>
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

Glo said....

>Okay, now hear this all you lushes!
>NO MORE BOOZING IT UP DURING BAND PRACTICE!

Then Ira complained....

>As for this insidious plot to steal my whistle just forget it!
>I have it hidden in a safe place.

You know what?  I, for one, don't think it's fair that you get to have a
whistle AND a penis-shaped baton.  How come we don't get to have something
good, since WE'RE obviously the ones doing all the work!

    Elaine (...going off to sulk, and refusing to practice today...)

Subject: Re: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1999 23:18:18 -0400 (EDT)
From: LCabrillo@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

Elaine said:

>You know what?  I, for one, don't think it's fair that you get to have a
>whistle AND a penis-shaped baton.  How come we don't get to have something
>good, since WE'RE obviously the ones doing all the work!

All riiiiight!  Whistles and penis-shaped batons all around!  Flamingo will
LOVE this! :-)

So what's our next song going to be?  The Beer Barrel Polka for Bells and
Whistles?  Judy in Disguise Having My Baby?

Linda

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 00:36:51 -0300
From: dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

MEMO from VP SECURITY

I just want to address the concerns of my dear friend, our beloved band
leader in regards to the purported attempts at whistle larceny in the
building...

(Glo squealed:)
>As for this insidious plot to steal my whistle just forget it!
>I have it hidden in a safe place. I can't even trust the Head of Security
to
>help me here because she's among those plotting to get their sticky fingers
>on my whistle.

It wasn't me!  I didn't do it!  I never touched it, never!  It was Skippy,
Skippy I tell you... my evil twin step-sister is in cahoots with RJH #6 and
*your* dark side Ira.  Maybe you should be looking a wee bit closer to
home. eh?  Don't be besmirchin' me; this building is a besmirchment free
zone.

As the duly elected Head of Security and your ever-faithful servant, I will
defend your right to whistle to my dying breath.  I swear.  No, really.  I
will.

FFTTTTWWWWEEEEEEEET! 'til you're heart's content Glo!

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 00:21:45 -0400
From: Karen Spencer <caorann@worldnet.att.net>
To: Glorug@aol.com, VenicePlace <VenicePlace@jbx.com>

From: <Glorug@aol.com>
> Well it's not going to happen. Now get back to your rehearsing
> and leave my whistle alone.
>
> Gloira
>
There's something vaguely naughty about the idea that people won't leave
your "whistle" alone...
Caorann, in the gutter
Have you noticed that the universe is starting to look
more and more like Vancouver?
The Sentinel, Stargate SG-1, Highlander, Poltergeist:The
Legacy...
My Website http://home.att.net/~caorann

Subject: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 10:18:03 -0300
From: dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com
CC: Sandy Randant <SRandant@aol.com>

Yo Bandleader!

SURRENDER the whistle if you ever wanna see this baton again.  If I do not
hear back from you, I may just have to give this thing to Ira - and I don't
mean that in a nice way, either.

Don't believe Sandy's sweet little innocent routine for a second - I have
it on good authority that she, too, is an evil twin.  Of the RL kind, no
less.  I'll have you know she's the mastermind behind this dastardly
scheme.  I'm just the brawn.

Skippy

Subject: [VP] Grand Whistle Larceny
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 09:38:07 -0400 (EDT)
From: SRandant@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

FFTTTTWWWWEEEEEEEET!

Yep, that's the sound alright.  I'd know it anywhere.  Loud and piercing
enough to be hurt over band practice and not quite loud enough to make your
ears bleed.  I'd get rid of it but if the plumbing backs up Mamabird would
never forgive me.

FFTTTTWWWWEEEEEEEET!

Hey, it's kinda fun.  Maybe I'll keep it.  Or maybe I'll sneak into to Glo's
place and wake her up, nice and proper.  Might be fun to see her hit the
ceiling after I let go with this bad boy.  Tee hee.

GLOW?!  Hi, how ya doing?  What am I doing?  Oh, nothin'.  Just hanging
around waiting for band practice.  Can't wait, don't you know.  What have I
got in my hand?
Nothing, see?  Oh, the other hand.  Well, funny you should ask.  I was just
wondering what it was myself.  Yes, it appears to be a whistle of some sort.
Yours?  Oh, I guess it does look a little like your whistle, doesn't it?
How
did I get it?  Well, that's quite a story, really....

SKIPPY DID IT!!  Skippy gave it to me!  I didn't even know what it was!  I
was asleep!
Really!  As soon as I realised it was your beloved whistle, I said to myself
"Self, I must return this to Glo immediately. Or sooner." Yup, that's what I
said.  And that's just what I was doing.  Returning it to you.  So, here you
go.  There it is.  Right back where it belongs.  So you can torture, er,
hmm,
*treat* us to the sound of it at band practice.  Like I said, I can't wait.

Your baton?  Gee, I'm not sure...

Okay, okay!  Don't use the whistle!  I'll talk.  Skippy has that, too.
Well,
the last time I saw her, she was using it to....
Nevermind.  Just take it from me, you *don't* want it back.  Trust me on
this
one, okay?

SandyR

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:19:17 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-21 22:54:11 EDT, Elaine writes:

<< You know what?  I, for one, don't think it's fair that you get to have a
 whistle AND a penis-shaped baton.  How come we don't get to have something
 good, since WE'RE obviously the ones doing all the work!

Doing all the WORK?
HA!
I'm the one that has to turn all you ragtag, boozy, Starsky-groping
musicians
into a band. I'm the one that has to monitor the liquor consumption, keep
the
fringes stocked, pick out all our great music, get the lazy bunch of you out
of bed for practice, keep the earplugs stocked to fend off Flamingo's
snoring, keep everyone from oogling Starsky long enough to get any work
done,
fend off the whistle mongers, keep Ira, Skippy and Rambo Jim Head #6 out of
trouble and keep hiding the twister board while no one is looking.
I get no appreciation around here.

 >    Elaine (...going off to sulk, and refusing to practice today...)

Is this the same Elaine who was crying in her beer over the mere thought
that
we had replaced her with another accordian player? I think you and your
accordian better be at practice tomorrow. Rambo Jim Heads # 2 and 5 Claim
they can play a mean accordian.

Gloira

Subject: Re: [VP] Grand Whistle Larceny
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:19:48 -0400 (EDT)
From: CrowRow@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 4/22/99 6:49:51 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
SRandant@aol.com
writes:

<< Your baton?  Gee, I'm not sure...

 Okay, okay!  Don't use the whistle!  I'll talk.  Skippy has that, too.
Well,
 the last time I saw her, she was using it to....
 Nevermind.  Just take it from me, you *don't* want it back.  Trust me on
this
 one, okay?
  >>

     Oh, dear.  Sandy got caught with the goods.  Skippy, if you're reading
this, you better get up to Glow's apartment with Rambo Jim Head #6 and
create
some kind of diversion.  Yeah, knock Starsky over again while he's wearing
his fringed long johns and pull down his trap door real fast.  That'll do
it.


      Once we get her distracted, I'll make a grab for the insidious whistle
and run like hell.  Then the three of you clear out down the fireescape,
stop
by Hutch's apartment and let him know that our slightly crazed bandleader is
missing her pretty purple baton and has decided to use Starsky's...er...
baton as a replacement.  Then we'll all go hide in Marcia closet until the
heat cools down.  Being a PRo's fan, she'll like that last reference...

     Love to all,

      Ro-Ira, who's having a fine time in that closet.  I think we found the
missing baton, Glow.. ahhh, ooohh.. oh, God.....


Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:25:56 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-21 23:21:55 EDT, LCabrillo writes:

> All riiiiight!  Whistles and penis-shaped batons all around!  Flamingo
will
 LOVE this! :-)

Well, Mamabird is the one that gave me MY whistle and penis shaped baton.
Maybe she can get them wholesale.

Does this mean we have to change our name to The Venice Place Seranade
Flamingo Ragtime Rambo Jim Headed Penis Baton Carrying Whistle Blowing Band?
Oh man. Not sure all that will fit on my whistle string.

Glo

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:30:16 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-21 23:38:30 EDT, Moonshine writes:

<< I protest!  I *must* drink prior to band practice in order to be prepared

 to play my native instrument--the moonshine jug!

You're just going to have to empty the contents of your jug into another
container until practice is over.

Ira
Writing for Glo who is off hiding her whistle again

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:32:51 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-22 00:23:00 EDT, Caorann writes:

<< There's something vaguely naughty about the idea that people won't leave
 your "whistle" alone...
 Caorann, in the gutter

Now it's my whistle they can't keep their hands off. Used to be other parts
of me that they were always groping. I'm not sure if this is better or
worse.
I'll have to ponder this <g>

Glo

Subject: Re: [VP] Whistle Larceny and Besmirching
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:39:31 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-22 00:39:13 EDT, Our Security Head writes:

> It wasn't me!  I didn't do it!  I never touched it, never!  It was Skippy,
 Skippy I tell you... my evil twin step-sister is in cahoots with RJH #6 and
 *your* dark side Ira.  Maybe you should be looking a wee bit closer to
 home. eh?  Don't be besmirchin' me; this building is a besmirchment free
zone.

Sorry honey. I would NEVER want to commit the sin of besmirchment. No no,
not
me. Uh uh. I take back all besmirching remarks. Erase my besmirchment from
your memory.

> As the duly elected Head of Security and your ever-faithful servant, I
will
 defend your right to whistle to my dying breath.  I swear.  No, really.  I
 will.

I find this 'ever-faithful servant' stuff kinda kinky <g>
Let's talk more about this in your office after the next Anti-Twister
Meeting

As for my right to whistle, thank you oh great securing one.
I feel much better now that I know you will be protecting me and my whistle
from any future larceny attempts.
Bat them all with your giant butterfly wings while I whistle away.

> FFTTTTWWWWEEEEEEEET! 'til you're heart's content Glo!

Mmmmm
This FFTTTWWWWEEEEETing sound like fun <g>

Thank you Diana. I will rest easier tonight knowing you are on the job.
And also knowing that I have a giant baseball bat waiting for Skippy, RJH #6
and Ira if they try anything again.

Glo




 Diana
 dbost1@bellsouth.net

 "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get caught in jet engines."




Subject: Re: [VP] Grand Whistle Larceny
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 19:00:14 -0700
From: Marcia <Melora@concentric.net>
To: CrowRow@aol.com, VP <VenicePlace@jbx.com>

CrowRow@aol.com wrote:

>
>      Oh, dear.  Sandy got caught with the goods.  Skippy, if you're
reading
> this, you better get up to Glow's apartment with Rambo Jim Head #6 and
create
> some kind of diversion.  Yeah, knock Starsky over again while he's wearing
> his fringed long johns and pull down his trap door real fast.  That'll do
it.
>
>
>       Once we get her distracted, I'll make a grab for the insidious
whistle
> and run like hell.  Then the three of you clear out down the fireescape,
stop
> by Hutch's apartment and let him know that our slightly crazed bandleader
is
> missing her pretty purple baton and has decided to use Starsky's...er...
> baton as a replacement.  Then we'll all go hide in Marcia closet until the
> heat cools down.  Being a PRo's fan, she'll like that last reference...
>
>      Love to all,
>
>       Ro-Ira, who's having a fine time in that closet.  I think we found
the
> missing baton, Glow.. ahhh, ooohh.. oh, God.....

Ro,

IthinkI'mhavingastroke!

Let's see:  Starsky )with his red long johns and trap door open), RJH #6,
Skippy,

you, Sandy, Glo-Ira are all gonna hide in my closet?  My closet where I keep
Bodiebabie and o-8< (Ray Doyle)!!!

Not without me, you don't~!!!

Why don't we invite all of the Rambo Jim heads?
(one can never have too many sweaty rag-headed buff men
around)

Marcia  ; ]             <who is suppose to be studying for a final tomorrow>

Subject: Re: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:32:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: SRandant@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 4/22/99 9:21:59 AM EST, dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
writes:

> SURRENDER the whistle if you ever wanna see this baton again.  If I do not
>  hear back from you, I may just have to give this thing to Ira - and I
don't
>  mean that in a nice way, either.

Oh Skippy, aren't you ashamed?  Look at poor little Ira cowering in the
corner with that grimace of fear on her face.

Oh, sorry.  My mistake.  That's a grin.

>
>  Don't believe Sandy's sweet little innocent routine for a second -

But I am innocent!  I swear!  I didn't do it!  I wouldn't!  I couldn't! I
didn't! I won't! (And all kinds of protests that end with n't.)

I have
>  it on good authority that she, too, is an evil twin.

Well, this is hardly my fault, is it?  I keep telling you, *all* twins are
evil.  I don't know why.  I don't make the rules.

 Of the RL kind, no
>  less.  I'll have you know she's the mastermind behind this dastardly
>  scheme.  I'm just the brawn.

Who me?  You know, as much as the thought of being an evil mastermind
appeals
to me, to anyone who knows me this idea is patently absurd.  I, as a person
who has never in her entire lifetime successfully balanced a checkbook, who
has a ridiculously hard time masterminding her way out the door every
morning, laugh in the face of this accusation.

I'll tell you what, why don't we leave it up to our list sibs to decide our
guilt or innocence.  Was it Skippy who thought up this dastardly plan?
Skippy, rude, crude perpetrator of evil and badness of endless description.
Skippy, who threatens even now to do unkind things to poor little Ira with a
certain baton.  Or I, Sandy - sweet, gentle, kind, unsullied if unsung -
Sandy, who rushed to return the stolen property to it's rightful owner even
knowing that she would be unjustly accused of it's theft.


It's up to you, list sisters, to decide where the guilt lies.  I leave it in
your wise and capable hands.

SandyR
(the innocent one:-)

Subject: Re: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:50:04 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-22 22:34:37 EDT, Sandy Writes:

> I'll tell you what, why don't we leave it up to our list sibs to decide
our
 guilt or innocence.  Was it Skippy who thought up this dastardly plan?
 Skippy, rude, crude perpetrator of evil and badness of endless description.
 Skippy, who threatens even now to do unkind things to poor little Ira with
a
 certain baton.  Or I, Sandy - sweet, gentle, kind, unsullied if unsung -
 Sandy, who rushed to return the stolen property to it's rightful owner even
 knowing that she would be unjustly accused of it's theft.


 It's up to you, list sisters, to decide where the guilt lies.  I leave it
in
 your wise and capable hands. >>

Oh man!
This is like Playing CLUE!!!

I think it was Colonel Mustard with the Baton in the Lobby

Glo

Subject: Re: [VP] What's In A Name?
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:53:23 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-22 09:41:23 EDT, Sandy writes:

<< Excuse me, I'm a bit confused.  Not that that's an unusual condition for
me
 but I was just wondering, does this mean we have yet another evil twin
 roaming the halls?
 Ro-Ira?!   >>

Actually they are triplets.
CrowRow
Ro-Ira
and HO RO who has a billboard somewhere in New Jersey.
She's the evil slut triplet who only last week found out what a HO was.

GloRow
(who can actually visualize Flamingo running to the shelf for the CrowRow
dictionary of incomprehensible remarks to look this one up LOL)

Subject: Re: [VP] PARTY IN MARCIA'S CLOSET was Grand Whistle Larceny
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:55:31 -0400 (EDT)
From: CrowRow@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 4/22/99 6:57:37 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
Melora@concentric.net writes:

<< IthinkI'mhavingastroke!

 Let's see:  Starsky )with his red long johns and trap door open), RJH #6,
Skippy,

 you, Sandy, Glo-Ira are all gonna hide in my closet?  My closet where I
keep
 Bodiebabie and o-8< (Ray Doyle)!!!

 Not without me, you don't~!!!

 Why don't we invite all of the Rambo Jim heads?
 (one can never have too many sweaty rag-headed buff men
 around)

 Marcia  ; ]             <who is suppose to be studying for a final
tomorrow>

  >>

     Sounds like a plan to me.  Hear that fellow larcenists?  Calling all
Floating Rambo Jim Heads.  Attention, party with Marcia and her Bodiebaby.
Time: as fast as you can fun from our bandmaster.  Place: Marcia's closet,
unless Glow gets there first.  Skippy, see if you can unchain that
Cardassian
thingie from your evil-twin's basement.  We can put him outside the door to
ward off the band master.  Anyone else wants in, there's room for pleanty.
Marcia was smart and ordered the virtual, ever -expanding closet.

     See you all in Marcia's closet.

     Love to all,

      a sprinting ro-Ira

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:34:24 -0500
From: Elaine Hauptman <mzelaine@ICSI.Net>
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

Glo or Ira said.....

>Doing all the WORK? HA!
>I'm the one that has to turn all you ragtag, boozy, Starsky-groping
musicians
>into a band. I'm the one .... (snipped)

Oh, poor thing!  Would you like some cheese with that whine?

>Is this the same Elaine who was crying in her beer over the mere thought
that
>we had replaced her with another accordian player? I think you and your
>accordian better be at practice tomorrow. Rambo Jim Heads # 2 and 5 Claim
>they can play a mean accordian.

You know what?  I think that damn whistle has gone to your head.  Or, maybe
blowing it so much has blown away your good sense.  Now you're issuing
threats, as if that's the only way you can keep us in line.  Well, it
probably is, come to think of it.  Consider me quaking in my boots, and
I'll certainly be on time for practice tomorrow morning.  I *refuse* to be
replaced by a RJH!  This was a pret-ty feeble threat on your part, dear,
since it's clearly impossible to play an accordian without arms. You'll
have to come up with better threats than that!

    Elaine (...so pleased to have had the last word!...)

Subject: RE: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 1999 07:58:11 -0500
From: "Rayl, Melodi K." <raylm@st-louis-exch01.army.mil>
To: "'Glorug@aol.com'" <Glorug@aol.com>, veniceplace@jbx.com

> why don't we leave it up to our list sibs to decide our
> guilt or innocence.  Was it Skippy...
> Or I, Sandy - sweet, gentle, kind, unsullied

Hmm, what a choice:  Evil Skippy or Lying Sandy???

I vote for Bill Clinton!

Dodging flaming arrows,

Mel

Subject: [VP] Re: Returned mail: Host unknown (Name server: jbxx.com: host not
     found)
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 1999 22:48:15 -0400 (EDT)
From: CrowRow@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

  Hi, guys, I mis-mailed this the other night, so I'm sending it through a
little late now:

<< < I'll tell you what, why don't we leave it up to our list sibs to decide
 our
  guilt or innocence.  Was it Skippy who thought up this dastardly plan?
  Skippy, rude, crude perpetrator of evil and badness of endless
description.

  Skippy, who threatens even now to do unkind things to poor little Ira with
a
  certain baton.  Or I, Sandy - sweet, gentle, kind, unsullied if unsung -
  Sandy, who rushed to return the stolen property to it's rightful owner
even
  knowing that she would be unjustly accused of it's theft.
   >>

      Umm, Sandy, my love, it might be much easier to believe you as the
sweet
 inocent you're presenting up above if a) I didn't know just how wonderfully
 perverse your mind is :) and b.) if you weren't flaming our poor,
 misunderstood Skippy.  I for one am willing to beyou both completely
 innocent.  I'm betting that Rambo Jim Head #6 is the guilty party.  After
 all, with a kick ass head like that, why wouldn't he take Glow's whistle?
 Besides, Skippy is right here in the closet with me and she swears she
ain't
 guilty.  Of course, Rambo Jim Head #6 is swearig the same thing on his
little
 guppy's curls, so I don't know who's telling the truth anymore.

       Love to all,

       Ro-Ira, in Marcia's steamy closet waiting for our very own Elaine to
 come and open the door on us!  That's a little DS humor, but our pouting
 accordian player is more than welcome to join us, if she can get past the
 Cardassian outside!


  >>

Subject: re:[VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1999 20:40:30 -0400 (EDT)
From: SRandant@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 4/24/99 9:50:17 PM EST, CrowRow@aol.com writes:

>     Umm, Sandy, my love, it might be much easier to believe you as the
>  sweet
>   inocent you're presenting up above if a) I didn't know just how
wonderfully
>
>   perverse your mind is :) and b.) if you weren't flaming our poor,
>   misunderstood Skippy.  I for one am willing to beyou both completely
>   innocent.  I'm betting that Rambo Jim Head #6 is the guilty party.
After
>   all, with a kick ass head like that, why wouldn't he take Glow's
whistle?

>   Besides, Skippy is right here in the closet with me and she swears she
ain'
> t
>   guilty.  Of course, Rambo Jim Head #6 is swearig the same thing on his
>  little
>   guppy's curls, so I don't know who's telling the truth anymore.
>

Well, all I have to say to Skippy and RJH #6 is "Liars, liars, pants and
headbands on fire".

I suppose the only way I will be able to clear my name is to tell how the
alleged whistle came to be in my possession in the first place.  It was all
quite innocent, actually.  I was out for my usual morning walk.  As most of
you already know, it is my habit to walk in the morning to help clear the my
head and mentally prepare myself for band practice.  I had just returned and
was standing just outside the door to our humble abode doing my deep
breathing exercises when the events in question occurred.  I was enjoying
deep lungfuls of that heady mixture of sea air and carbon monoxide that so
defines Venice, CA when I heard the screeching of tires from the end of the
block.  Naturally, my first thought was that Starsky was returning home from
some vital mission, such as getting breakfast burritos from Jack in the Box.
But no, the Torino was parked in its usual place, snuggled up behind the
Hutch's clunker right in front of VP.  When I looked to see what was going
on, I saw a car, deep green in color, possibly a ' 71 (or maybe '72)  Buick
Rivera barreling down the street at a truly remarkable rate of speed.
Although I only got a glimpse of the driver, I did manage to observe that
she
bore a striking resemblance to Ro-Ira but I couldn't swear it was her.  But
as to the identity of the person in the passenger seat, I'm afraid there can
be no doubt.  It pains me to tell you but it was our very own Skippy.  I
know
this for a fact because 1)I would know those beady eyes anywhere and 2)just
as they were passing, she rolled down the window and chucked something at my
head.  Due to my lighting reflexes (or perhaps poor aim on her part), I
managed to duck the deadly looking projectile.  Of course, I tried to get
the
license plate number as the car zoomed away but alas, it was obscured by
mud(fine, alluvial mud, if I'm any judge) which made it impossible.  It was
only when I went to retrieve the object that had been hurled at me did I see
that it was Glow's whistle and I got some inkling of the reason behind this
seemingly senseless attack.  It was obvious that the perpetrators of it's
theft intended to leave me, an innocent bystander in the whole sordid
affair,
holding the bag(or in this case, the whistle).  I was simply on my way to
return the stolen property when I met Glow in the hallway and well, you know
the rest.

Now, there you are.  That's the truth, the whole truth and nothing(well,
almost) but the truth.  Now, am I to be held responsible for this despicable
act, even though my only guilt lies in actually *liking* the smell of salty
dead fish and car emissions?  Or should I be, as I have always maintained,
held blameless in the whole affair?

 I leave it to you, gentle list-sisters.  Am I a thief?  Or am I the
innocent
victim of a
crime that has become all too common in this day and age?

It was, after all, a drive-by-fluting. :-)

SandyR
(who thinks that was one hell of a long way to go for that punchline)

Subject: RE: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1999 23:26:06 -0300
From: dbost1@mail.clt.bellsouth.net
To: veniceplace@jbx.com
CC: Sandy Randant <SRandant@aol.com>

OK, all right, that's enough now...

I feel compelled at this point to step in and defend my beloved twin sister
Skippy from these heinous charges.  Evil though she may be, she's my Skippy
and you *all* know how I feel about besmirchment.
First of all, the Skipster has a highly respected member of our community
as a character witness - Ro, the cab driver.  As one of the few gainfully
employed residents here in virtual Venice, I think Ro's testimony should be
beyond reproach.

BTW, I only snipped and rearranged these quote for the sake of clarity.
Honest.

(Ro say's:)
... Umm, Sandy... it might be much easier to believe you as the sweet
innocent you're presenting up above if I didn't know just how... perverse
your mind is...

... if you weren't flaming our poor, misunderstood Skippy.  I for one am
willing to bet <Skippy is> ...completely innocent.

Under the slightest pressure, the strain of maintaining this facade is
beginning to show on Sandy "Guilty as Sin" R:

... I am innocent!  I swear!  I didn't do it!  I wouldn't!  I couldn't! I
didn't! I won't!

... this is hardly my fault, is it?  I keep telling you, <I am> evil.  I
don't know why.  I don't make the rules.

... the thought of being an evil mastermind appeals
to me... I... laugh in the face <of all good, well-behaved twins>

... "Liars, liars, pants and headbands on fire".

>From her own version of events, Sandy herself makes it clear that Skippy
can't possibly be the culprit.  Let's just see, shall we?

Sandy:
>As most of
>you already know, it is my habit to walk in the morning to help clear the
my
>head and mentally prepare myself for band practice.

A dubious tale if I ever heard one; we all know just how clear-headed and
mentally sharp Sandy is at this hour of the morning, eh?  'Nuff said.

Sandy:
> When I looked to see what was going
>on, I saw a car, deep green in color, possibly a ' 71 (or maybe '72)  Buick
>Rivera barreling down the street at a truly remarkable rate of speed.

Well, we all know which fandom this is from, now don't we?  Granted,
fannish promiscuity does run in our family, but Skippy and I have only a
passing acquaintance with Due South.  Really, how many eps do ya have to
see before you know about the wolf and the car and the nice red uniform?
Rumor has it that *Sandy* even knows the names of those Chicago cops, and
knows which is the blond and which is the really sweet one with the big
puppy dog eyes.

Pretty incriminating, huh?  Well, hold on to your hats - here's the
clincher.

Sandy:
>she rolled down the window and chucked something at my
>head.  Due to my lighting reflexes (or perhaps poor aim on her part), I
>managed to duck the deadly looking projectile.

There you have it, my friends.  Skippy, like myself and all members of my
clan, is a really *really* good shot.  She even rivals Starsky.  Standing
still, walking, running, turning cartwheels or dancing a jig... if Skippy
had thrown the whistle at Sandy, we'd *know*.  Sandy would have a
nickel-plated tweeter stickin' outta her head!

Harumpf!  So there!  We rest our case, neighbors.

Diana
VP Head of Security and
Defense Attorney-At-Large

>It was, after all, a drive-by-fluting. :-)
>SandyR

Now stop that!  Don't think Skippy's gonna be seduced by your twisted mind
and sick sense of humor yet again... Skippy?  Don't listen to her.  Don't
laugh.  Skippy!  No, Sandy does *not* rule... she's the one who got you
into this mess in the first place... Hey, come back here Skippy!
SKIIIIPPPEEEE, NOOOOO!

Subject: Re: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 09:32:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: Glorug@aol.com
To: veniceplace@jbx.com

In a message dated 99-04-26 23:30:51 EDT, Diana writes:

> First of all, the Skipster has a highly respected member of our community
 as a character witness - Ro, the cab driver.  As one of the few gainfully
 employed residents here in virtual Venice, I think Ro's testimony should be
 beyond reproach.

Beyond reproach my ass!

Forgive me, madame butterfly. I know how you feel about besmirchment but I
must protest here. CrowRow HoRo RoIra is nothing but a low down, diabolical,
sneaky whistle stealer. It's been her plot from the start and NOTHING she
says on this issue is beyond reproach. Beyond sanity, maybe. But beyond
reproach, NOWAY.

If you don't believe me, tap my phone. As Security mistress I know you can
do
that. Then you'll see the amount of taunting, threatening phone calls she
makes to me gloating over her plot to plan the demise of my innocent,
beloved
whistle that my dear, dear friend MamaBird made for me with her own two
hands. (or would that be wings?)

So if Ro is the character witness here, then I'll have to side with Sandy's
version of the story. How could I not? It was so believable. I mean here was
this innocent girl taking her before band practice morning walk so she could
be fresh and clear to play her best, unlike the rest of you lushes who come
stumbling down in your dirty bathrobes with hangovers and unbrushed teeth.
I can just see that projectile sailing towards her innocent head and hear
the
devious laughter of Skippy and that deranged cabbie. And I'm sure that 6
head
was involved in this as well.

I'm warning all of you. You better stay away from my whistle or this is
gonna
get ugly.

Glo

Subject: RE: [VP] rAnDaNt-sOme NoTe
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 08:49:39 -0500
From: "Rayl, Melodi K." <raylm@st-louis-exch01.army.mil>
To: "'Glorug@aol.com'" <Glorug@aol.com>, veniceplace@jbx.com

Unrealistic Glo says, about Sandy no less!:

> I can just see that projectile sailing towards her innocent head

I'm sorry, I just have a real problem thinking that *any* part
of Sandy's body is innocent...

Trying to think if anything about Sandy is in the least innocent,

Mel

Subject: [VP] Crow-Ira bounces her mail
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 11:43:25 -0400
From: flamingoslim@delphi.com
To: VenicePlace <veniceplace@jbx.com>

Our dear CrowRow can't spell jbx.com, and because she misspelled it, it
bounced.  Here is her totally incoherent offering for the day.
Translation books ready?

Flamingo

___________

  From:
        CrowRow@aol.com
    To:
        veniceplace@jbx.com

  Hi, guys, I mis-mailed this the other night, so I'm sending it through
a
little late now:

<< < I'll tell you what, why don't we leave it up to our list sibs to
decide
 our
  guilt or innocence.  Was it Skippy who thought up this dastardly
plan?
  Skippy, rude, crude perpetrator of evil and badness of endless
description.

  Skippy, who threatens even now to do unkind things to poor little Ira
with
a
  certain baton.  Or I, Sandy - sweet, gentle, kind, unsullied if unsung
-
  Sandy, who rushed to return the stolen property to it's rightful owner
even
  knowing that she would be unjustly accused of it's theft.
   >>

      Umm, Sandy, my love, it might be much easier to believe you as the
sweet
 inocent you're presenting up above if a) I didn't know just how
wonderfully
 perverse your mind is :) and b.) if you weren't flaming our poor,
 misunderstood Skippy.  I for one am willing to beyou both completely
 innocent.  I'm betting that Rambo Jim Head #6 is the guilty party.
After
 all, with a kick ass head like that, why wouldn't he take Glow's
whistle?
 Besides, Skippy is right here in the closet with me and she swears she
ain't
 guilty.  Of course, Rambo Jim Head #6 is swearig the same thing on his
little
 guppy's curls, so I don't know who's telling the truth anymore.

       Love to all,

       Ro-Ira, in Marcia's steamy closet waiting for our very own Elaine
to
 come and open the door on us!  That's a little DS humor, but our
pouting
 accordian player is more than welcome to join us, if she can get past
the
 Cardassian outside!


  >>

Subject: Re: [VP] Band Announcement
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 11:54:52 -0400
From: flamingoslim@delphi.com
To: Elaine Hauptman <mzelaine@ICSI.Net>
CC: veniceplace@jbx.com

Geez, my calming influence is gone but a few days and the band goes
berserk!  I was wondering why the lobby's been so quiet.

> Glo or Ira said.....
>
> >Doing all the WORK? HA!
> >I'm the one that has to turn all you ragtag, boozy, Starsky-groping
> musicians into a band. I'm the one .... (snipped)

Elaine Hauptman (cleverly) wrote:
>
> Oh, poor thing!  Would you like some cheese with that whine?

Flamingo (trying to hide her perpetual smile):
Elaine, Elaine, Elaine, don't you know sarcasm is the last resort of the
truly hilarious?

Glo-ira goes on:
> >Is this the same Elaine who was crying in her beer over the mere thought
> that
> >we had replaced her with another accordian player? I think you and your
> >accordian better be at practice tomorrow. Rambo Jim Heads # 2 and 5 Claim
> >they can play a mean accordian.

Elaine fires back:
> You know what?  I think that damn whistle has gone to your head.  Or,
maybe
> blowing it so much has blown away your good sense.  Now you're issuing
> threats, as if that's the only way you can keep us in line.  Well, it
> probably is, come to think of it.  Consider me quaking in my boots, and
> I'll certainly be on time for practice tomorrow morning.  I *refuse* to be
> replaced by a RJH!  This was a pret-ty feeble threat on your part, dear,
> since it's clearly impossible to play an accordian without arms. You'll
> have to come up with better threats than that!
>     Elaine (...so pleased to have had the last word!...)

Tsk, tsk, tsk.  Can the band be saved or will it dissolve among the
pressure of Rambo Jim Heads attempting to play accordians with their
noses?  (Flamingo imagines countless RJH noses stuck in accordian
folds.  She can barely continue typing.)

Ladies, ladies, ladies, you know how Hutch hates all this petty
arguing.  You must be a TEAM, united in a single purpose.  I think the
terrible music choices you are all forced to play is contributing to all
this discord and chaos.  But music can soothe the savage Glo-Ira!  I
suggest three chorus of AC/DC's Big Balls and soon you'll all be smiling
again.

Flamingo

Looking forward to hear the band practice for the first time in months.

Subject: [VP] Penis-shaped batons was Band Announcement
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 13:49:50 -0400
From: flamingoslim@delphi.com
To: Glorug@aol.com
CC: veniceplace@jbx.com

> In a message dated 99-04-21 23:21:55 EDT, LCabrillo writes:
>
> > All riiiiight!  Whistles and penis-shaped batons all around!  Flamingo
will
>  LOVE this! :-)

Glorug@aol.com wrote:
>
> Well, Mamabird is the one that gave me MY whistle and penis shaped baton.
> Maybe she can get them wholesale.

Well, Glow, considering that the penis-shaped baton I gave you for your
birthday was crafted from specially formulated melted vegetable tallow
(no animal testing) and tinted with 2,291,457 specially-ripened stamens
from my own purple bougainvilla flowers, formed into a 12" (Hutch-sized)
long rod by the incredibly time-consuming drip-method of candle-making,
and then, when it had been left to cure for 2 weeks in a
hermetically-sealed pyramid-shaped chamber of my own design, was
oh-so-carefully hand-carved into a reasonable facsimile of Starsky's
manhood (I was working from memory and the damned wax kept melting while
I worked and I kept getting distracted and two previous versions
completely disintegrated under...uh...stress-testing...) complete with
realistic pre-orgasmic drippings, the chances of my "getting them
wholesale" is kinda remote --

<tiny piece of paper flutters to the ground -- receipt from Hallmark
store for "1 left-over Christmas advent candle 12" purple slightly
damaged, $0.57" -- Flamingo frantically snatches receipt and shoves it
into her mouth>

That'sff my schtory and I'm schticking to it. <gulp>

> Does this mean we have to change our name to The Venice Place Seranade
> Flamingo Ragtime Rambo Jim Headed Penis Baton Carrying Whistle Blowing
Band?
> Oh man. Not sure all that will fit on my whistle string.

Oh, no!! I am *not* going back to that bead store and hunting up more
initials to put on that thing.  You're on your own!!

Flamingo

<who once again has paper-indigestion. urp>
