Subject: (VP) A New Neighbor's Concern Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 
01:56:48 -0500 (EST) From: MyBuddy2@webtv.net (C Trant)  Well, I 
am going to just take a deep breath here and reveal myself to the 
list as the 'new neighbor' that Flamingo has so graciously 
invited to move in. I will say that I have been going over and 
over in my mind what to say, which is unusual for me, since I 
tend to just respond to a post that I feel I would like to 
contribute to...and then I just let my heart speak as it will. I 
have to take a moment and say that my name and posts may be 
familiar to many of you, since I've been around awhile. And the 
first thing I thought of was anyone who might find the length of 
my posts to be a bit LONG, might think "Oh oh, here she is again 
on THIS list...the one who never shuts up."  (I told Flamingo 
that my husband once gave me a Tee shirt that has the following 
printed on it in bold letters "Do they ever shut up on your 
planet ?" which just about sums up what the majority feel, I 
guess:-)  I will admit to those who are not familiar with my 
posts that I am known for wearing my heart on my sleeve when I 
write and also, for my passion for both melo-drama and h/c.  If I 
can ask for your tolerance, since my background as a fan may be a 
duplication of things I have mentioned in the past. But I feel 
compelled to give some type of background info.  But first, since 
the subject of 'gen' and 'slash' was the reason I hesitated about 
posting, I would like to give my own interpretation on this 
topic. I want to make it clear that everything I say or will ever 
say on ANY list, is very simply my perspective on things. I am a 
great believer in the motto 'whatever makes your boat float'. I 
have a very clear and secure understanding of what I and feel and 
think about most things. And having said that, I also believe 
that while I may not have the same perception that someone else 
may have about any number of things...I maintain the 'whatever 
makes your boat float' concept.   God knows, being known simply 
as a 'fan' carries an awful lot of prejudice with it, with those 
who just don't 'get' fandom.  I mean, from the POV of those I 
grew up with and who think they know me (please...) how can this 
39 year old wife and mother be so involved and have so much 
passion for something on television...something decades out and 
actually not on television (at least in my area of Boston, Ma.) I 
mean, remember that "phase" they thought I was doing through as a 
kid ? It hasn't ended yet...  So, for lack of a better word, I 
am, in fact, a 'fan'...now back in the old days before the 
internet, there were snail mail Starsky & Hutch letterzines and 
the like. That was my first introduction to other fans around the 
world. It was also the first time I ever hard the term 'slash' 
and of course, I naively asked "Oh, what's that ?" and someone 
told me and I remember being puzzled.  Now the only reason I was 
puzzled was because, the concept of slash had never even entered 
my brain, ever. I do not recall being turned off by the 
explanation in case you are wondering, I just recall being 
baffled by it because, in fact, that concept have just never 
crossed my mind. It wasn't my perception, but apparently it was 
the perception of others. That was it, no biggie...the bottom 
line being, we had a mutual passion for a couple of television 
characters, I was IN 'fandom' now and discovering that not 
everyone had interpreted S&H as I had always interpreted them. It 
was actually quite interesting. Several 'slash' fans shared with 
POV'S with me and I shared mine with theirs. I don't recall 
anything in particular in terms of any negative feelings on 
either side, if one has to think of this thing as having 
'sides'...but anyway, I was secure in my perception and my 
newfound fandom friends who referred to themselves as "slash 
fans" were secure in their perception and things were pretty 
cool. We exchanged stories and videos and have lots of fun. There 
did not seem to be any problem and here again, I don't think I 
ever considered the possibility that there would have to be.  

We were 'fans'...somewhere along the way it seems, segregation 
happened and now instead of me just being a fan, someone said 
that I was 'gen'...okay, so for lack of a better word, now along 
with 'fan' we will now add 'gen' to that...it got so 
confusing...but my friends were now 'gen' and 'slash'...but 
still, it all seemed to me that we loved the same 
thing...certainly this could not be a problem, right ? We watched 
the same eps, we discussed the eps, we shared in each other's 
thoughts...and there were many different POV'S, but the bottom 
line was, we were 'fans' and we loved this show and it was 
wonderful.  

I lost touch after that with fandom and my friends there, life 
got complicated (well, I was use to that, but I mean, even more 
complicated) and I eventually married and had children (two boys, 
ages 10 and 7 and a daughter age 5) and as fate would have it, my 
daughter was born with a severe disability, which really put 
everything in life in perspective for me, more than ever...and 
certainly made me even more of the opinion that life is short and 
do your thing and I'll do my thing and  don't let anyone tell you 
it's wrong to be you.  I carried my passion for fandom and the 
shows and characters that meant so much to me, in my heart. I was 
alone again in my own little fandom...no more letterzines or 
swapping of vids or great discussions...just me and my memories 
again.  

Now, I have to go back and revisit 1975 to brief you on how and 
why it happened...again, this may be a story already heard by 
many of you, so I understand the purpose of the delete key at 
this point, my friends:-)  

And I think I will make this a two parter since this is getting 
exceptionally long even more me...  

Carol  

"What once was, will always be...and you've left your imprint on 
me."  ("Time Passes On" by Orleans)  


Subject: Re: [VP] A New Neighbor-Part two
Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 03:10:20 -0500 (EST)
From: MyBuddy2

I should have already thanked Flamingo for being so concerned 
about me and my feelings as well as the lists...my pink feathered 
friend has been a joy to get to know and I very much value her 
friendship. Likewise to my new buddy Regina:-) And thanks to 
Audrey and jaderyan (I hope I got the name correct, as I am doing 
this by memory) for their thoughtful words in the posts I read, 
just before writing this one. I greatly appreciate the warm 
welcome.

Okay, back to 1975...briefly I think it is important to make 
mention that my childhood was an extremely unpleasant one and I 
am not ashamed to say that I owe my sanity to two television 
shows, one of which most certainly is Starsky & Hutch...which 
proved to me. long ago, that no matter what the source, if you 
find hope and love and inspiration there...hold on forever and 
never forget...and that is why, 24 years later, my heart pays 
homage to this show....by continuing to love and be inspired by 
it. I believe in fierce loyalty and these two guys played an 
indelible role in that belief.

It is 1975, I am 15 years old. I had a heart that was basically 
numb in feeling until three years earlier when I fell in love 
with a tv western that centered around a beautiful family 
(Bonanza) and that was my introduction to fandom, even if it 
meant only me in my own little world, at the time. Suffice to 
say, it changed my life forever and after that, nothing was ever 
going to be quite as difficult to face in life again. We draw 
strength were we find it...and whatever gets you through the 
night is worth dreaming about. Mine were simple dreams of a land 
called the Ponderosa and the kind souls that dwelled there. I 
rarely if ever gave my heart away, but this show had me reaching 
quickly inside and handing it right over...one of the best things 
to ever happen to me. Since you are all part of fandom, 
yourselves, I think you can relate in some way, to that 
statement.

Okay, back to 1975...a most unlikely thing happened. It was on a 
Wed. night...ten o'clock and I can't sleep, have to get up for 
school the next day but...there are three new tv shows on, I surf 
the channel and end up watching this one with the unusual name of 
"Starsky And Hutch" (at this point the AND was there instead of 
the & in the title). So, I watch it. Two cops, red car, nothing 
special, no big deal...it ends, I go to bed.

Next Wed. same thing, same result, I kept tuning in on Wed. night 
but nothing special happens....couple of weeks later, I am 
watching my afternoon rerun of Bonanza and at the end credits, 
the local tv announcer starts his pitch for tonight's ep of S&H 
and I hear something like "Tonight, Starsky searches for his 
missing partner as Hutch is nabbed by the mob" or something like 
that...and all of a sudden I perk up, sounds like an interesting 
story, I was curious to see how Starsky reacts to his partner 
being missing (at the time, I did not know about the term 'hurt 
and comfort" but that is what I adored about Bonanza most and 
therefore, I was anticipating this would be that type of S&H)

Okay, 10 pm comes and I'm sitting on the ugly green couch in my 
parents livingroom and the show begins...I remember this as if it 
just happened, so vividly...

You all know the ep, so I won't go into detail, but the first 
thing that hit me was the intense concern I felt this Starsky guy 
had for his missing partner...meanwhile, as the viewer, I am 
seeing what happens to this partner...pretty fascinating for this 
then 15 year old not at all worldly kid...so that was heroin ? I 
guessed, I had no clue...but it was very intriguing to watch and 
now I am getting anxious to see what happens...and then comes 
that scene in the alley when Starsky finds his partner, I'm 
getting there, I am getting hooked I think...cut to Huggy's 
upstairs...okay, this is the first time my mouth hangs open and I 
am mesmerized and I cannot believe my eyes...or what my heart was 
feeling, wow! Talk about your dream h/c scene! Okay, now I am 
dying...I have never in my life seen any two human beings 
this...intensely close...my mouth still hanging open, wide eyed 
and fascinated...is this for real ? I felt intense love and a 
bond like I had never ever seen before was there before my eyes.

I am really into it now...scenes pass and now we are in the alley 
again...the Hutch guy is on the wall hanging there...now comes 
Starsky and off comes Hutch off the wall and falls into his 
partner's arm to which I interpreted as his 'thanks for this, 
thanks for everything" THAT WAS IT, that was the moment...I can 
tell you exactly what I said out loud "Oh, my god! I have got to 
tape this show next week!" (audio tape, of course)

I had never ever in my life experienced anything like that in my 
whole life. I spent the week trying to buy movie magazines and 
anything I could get my hands on until that next Wed. night...no 
h/c for a few weeks, really, but the intensity I had for this new 
passion of mine was growing...it wasn't just the h/c, but the way 
they had that ESP thing about them, the way they joked and 
interacted, everything, just everything was unique and special 
and lovely and real...very real.

Then comes the preview for what I now know as "Shootout" (no 
titles back then with the exception that first season with 
"Captain Dobey, You're Dead" don't ask me why, I wanted titles 
but they didn't give em...I am still not great with titles, I use 
to mark my audios S&H 1, S&H 2, how original, I know...rolling my 
eyes).

Anyway, that familiar "Next on Starsky & Hutch" voice came on and 
they start showing those teasing clips of 'Shootout" and I 
DIE...how long it was to that next Wed...  

Okay, now I am pretty much getting to know this show and these 
guys...and oh, boy...a potential h/c ep is in the wings...GET ME 
TO WED. NIGHT, ALREADY!!!! 

Okay, Wed. night, tape recorder set up as usual...is it gonna 
happen again ? Or was that other ep (Fix) a fluke thing ?

Nope, my mouth hangs open again, for the entire ep...oh, god, now 
it is Hutch's turn for the concern and he does it, baby, 
wow...now, I can hardly stand it...how can anything feel this 
intensely beautiful between two human beings ? I would listen to 
that ep to death, over and over and over...these guys were just 
incredible.

Somewhere along the line, my new guys, David Soul and (I know it 
is 1999 but I still need to say...) Paul "Michael" Glaser are 
going to be on Merv Griffin together, this was big. I was going 
to get to see them as themselves, was it there ? That thing about 
them, that beautiful touchy feely love that could bring me to my 
knees with emotion ? Okay, this was not going to be scripted so I 
would instead look for that "chemistry" at least.  

On comes Merv Griffin, okay, here they are, funny, witty, very 
much in tune with each other...David sings with (Lynne Marta) 
this "Black Bean Soup" and Paul (as I recall) puts his cigarette 
in his mouth so he can clap wildly for his 'partner'...this guy 
adores his costar, I know this...okay, now I have seen them off 
screen and I am loving it. 

Eps continue, the weekly thing is wonderful, and I forgot to 
mention that first TV Guide cover in November of 1975...oh, here 
I go dying again, wow...that's such a unique pose...so cool, so 
"together"...now read the inside story...thump! My heart falls 
out of my soul...I can't believe what I am reading...I still 
remember the "I'm down, I'm scared, I don't know what the answers 
are, hold me."

You could have knocked me over with a feather, how beautiful was 
that ? No words could ever move me more...wow, there went my 
mouth hanging open again, now I didn't even have to see it, I 
just felt it...that is it.

I knew I had fallen in love with love.

Then another intriguing preview comes on...for what I now know 
was ACFS...forget it, they are going to kill me, these guys, my 
heart is just going through the meat grinder in this first 
season...I don't know how much more I could stand...

Another LONG week of waiting and on it comes...you all know the 
story...I don't think I was breathing too hard, I wanted to 
capture every moment in my heart.

The next day, my friend, also a new fan, says to me "Did you see 
them holding hands ? Did you see how beautiful that was ? He just 
held out his hand and the other one took it, no questions...Did 
you see that ? Could you believe that ?"

I saw, and I believed and I loved:-) Because I had fallen in 
love...with that love.

I won't go into the next seasons in details, but to say, when the 
second season approached, I was ready and now expecting more of 
the same...

And suffice to say "Gillian" happened, among other significant 
moments and well, all I can say it, I certainly knew what I was 
doing when I handed over my heart in 1975 to those guys who have 
now been long and dear inside of my soul.

They blew me away with their compassion and their openess and 
their ability to love.

Once again, and forever concerning them, I fell in love with 
love. I had never seen so much love...and from my perspective, 
nothing I had ever seen before them and nothing I have ever seen 
since them on television, can match that intensity and union of 
hearts. 

24 years later, I thought the gift only kept giving through 
memories...but last week on Inside Edition...my guys...my old 
buddies...my me and thee duo...chemistry...familiar word, 
familiar feelings...up upon a stage in London with the whole 
world watching...I cried because all these years later...there 
they were, TOGETHER AGAIN...there "it" was.

And I knew...I would always be in love their love. 

Carol

"What once was, will always be...and you've left your imprint on 
me."

("Time Passes On" by Orleans)

