Starsky & Hutch Discuss a New Party Game
02 Apr 1999
by
Flamingo

"Hey, Hutch," Starsky said, jauntily entering their VenicePlace apartment. "Look what I picked up in the book store. It was on sale."

"Now what?" Hutch asked, stirring a batch of homemade chili and wondering how he could keep Starsky from dumping half a bottle of chili powder in it when he wasn't looking. Well, it was the only way he could get his partner to eat his vegetables, by disguising them. He wondered if it was worth his indigestion.

"I found this great book! It's a whole bunch of new party games. It'll be perfect for the next Band practice, you know, when they break out the beer--"

Hutch rolled his eyes. "Don't remind me. It starts out as the worlds most cacophonous band practicing the world's most banal music -- do we always have to do that Partridge Family number? -- and then later the whole rehearsal deteriorates into an alcohol-diet coke-food orgy. I'm telling you not only is my hearing in jeopardy, but my intestinal system can't take much more of this."

"Well, Mr. I'm-not-driving-anywhere-so-I-can-have-another-beer, you should be more like me. Moderation in all things. And munching down half of the Torino-colored cake on top of all that imported brew isn't the wisest--"

"Says the man who insists he wears red long-johns to practice so any red icing drips won't show up," Hutch said skeptically. "The idea of you introducing party games to rehearsals chills my blood. What kind of party games?"

"The Band likes my red long-johns!" Starsky insisted. "Though all that tacked on green fringe makes it hang kinda weird! Anywhere, here's the book. It's got all these new party games, and I think the Band will really appreciate 'em. Especially since they're specially formulated for, uh...mature party-goers."

Hutch looked at him suspiciously. "I'd like to remind you that the mature members of this band display more active libidos than the entire Rolling Stone concert tour!"

"Yeah, I know, I know, but still, we need to have regard for the Band members who aren't, you know, quite as young and spry as some of us."

"Just because we never age, Starsk, is no reason to rub it in," Hutch warned.

"No, no, listen. They'll like these, I'm tellin' ya. Here are the new games!" He began reading the list from the book's table of contents.

"The TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES -- Musical Recliners--"

Hutch rolled his eyes, knowing that it was a toss-up how many VP'ers would end up on top of either him or Starsky in the recliners.

"Spin the Bottle of Mylanta."

"I wonder how Flamingo will manage to weigh down the bottle so that it'll always land on you. Huggy will probably help her."

"Hush. The next is Hide and Go Pee."

"Hey, Starsk, there's one you'll win at!"

Starsky glowered at his partner. "Seven is Simon Says Something Incoherent."

"Are we inviting the Sentinel crew over again? I'm not sure I have enough chili."

"You're not listening. Next is, Doc, Doc Goose...."

Hutch shuddered at the implications.

"Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over..."

"OH, NO!!! That Marcia, she's entirely too adept with catheters and..."

"Number 4 is Kick the Bucket, number 3 is 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear..."

"After band practice none of us has a good ear left!" Hutch insisted.

Starsky waggled his eyebrows and grinned at his partner. "Number 2 is Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy."

Hutch got red in the face and wagged his stirring spoon in his partner's direction as a warning, but chili dripped onto the floor distracting him.

"And the last one is -- Sag, You're It!"

Which is when Hutch dropped the spoon back into the pot and took off after his partner with intent to do extreme bodily harm. Cackling wildly, Starsky raced into the bedroom, knowing exactly what party games he was most interested in playing.