Title: LANDING IN LOVE Author/pseudonym: Candy Apple Email address: blair_lady@yahoo.com Rating: MAO (just barely ) Pairings: J/B Category: First Times, Drama Status: NEW, complete Date: 09-2-00 Archive: YES Archive author: Candy Apple Archive email address: blair_lady@yahoo.com Series/Sequel: Sequel to "All That". Disclaimers: Pet Fly owns the guys and The Sentinel. No money being made. Just for fun. Notes: "Landing in Love" is also from Collin Raye's "Tracks" CD. Summary: Jim makes his way home from the bar, and ponders his plans as he listens to another song on the radio. Warnings: Song lyrics, m/m (or so Jim hopes), possibly an endearment if things go well... *********************************************************** LANDING IN LOVE by Candy Apple With the noise and smoke and annoyance of the Hitchin' Post behind me, I couldn't believe when I turned on the radio in the truck that it was on a country station. I remembered then that I'd given Sam Lawrence from Narcotics a lift in to work that morning, and he had a thing for that kind of music. He asked if I minded, and when it wasn't paired with all the smoke, noise and Barbi the bartender, it didn't bother me. Besides, I've learned to have a sort of out-of-body experience while Sandburg takes his turn with the radio, so tuning out this guy's hillbilly music wouldn't be a big deal. It wasn't until the music started up again that I really relaxed, because the song that came on was just soft and slow, and didn't really twang--or *lilt* for that matter--at all. It was just a nice, soothing, slow number. Just what my frazzled brain needed. I turned it up a little and leaned back in the seat, steering toward home. Thinking about approaching Blair, with what I wanted to approach him with...I was tensed up enough, so the song was a good distraction. <> You can say that again. I wiped a hand over my face, and found a little cold sweat there. Seemed like the only thing I could hear was my own heart pounding in my ears. <> Maybe the radio wasn't such a great idea after all. I didn't need that wire and net analogy, even if it fits. What if I fuck this up? What if he isn't interested? What if he *laughs*? No, Blair wouldn't do that. Would he? If he thought I was joking? Then he'd realize I wasn't and he'd be all over himself apologizing... Shit, could any scenario be more disgusting and pathetic than that? Whoever this guy is singing this song, I wish he'd get the fuck out of my head. <> The friendship, the partnership, my whole fucking *life*. I guess that would qualify as risking it all. Okay, Einstein, you know what the hell all my problems are, so you tell me how to do this. You got me into this in the first place. I recognize your voice from the jukebox. I know it's you. Shit, maybe I'm going crazy and this is some sort of musical hallucination. You know, like Scrooge and the three spirits, thinking they were indigestion-induced nightmares. <> I closed my eyes, briefly, letting the words sink in. Looking back out at the lights along the deserted street, I had to smile. Maybe falling off the wire wouldn't be so bad. <> Having a male lover and being a cop aren't always compatible things. We'll spend our whole lives censoring ourselves in public while other couples hold hands, kiss, dance... Or we'll go public and wait for the first time some asshole decides to harass one of us, or worse, until the day one of us gets hurt because we love each other. I guess risking all that willingly isn't that much different from holding a lightning rod, after all. <> How much is any of that going to matter if Blair looks up at me with those big eyes of his and says "yes"? If I end up making love with him tonight, does any of the rest of it matter? Talk about a leap of faith. I don't even know how to make love to him. I know where the parts are, and I have a few ideas about where things go, but there's a big disparity between a few ideas and doing the deed. I guess I know what I like having done to me...Blair's a talker... He's not just a talker, he's my *Guide*. The guy who always figures out some way to help me when I'm out there floundering. He isn't going to do anything different when we're in bed. I smiled as the last notes of the song played, and I pulled into a parking place behind the loft. Cutting the engine, I got out and headed into the building, bounding up the steps. The elevator was just too damn slow. I fumbled with the keys, finally got the right one in the lock and burst through the door. To a darkened apartment. Rolling my eyes, I checked my watch. It was almost two in the morning, and Blair was teaching a morning class the next day. Laughing silently at my own fantasies of sweeping Blair into my arms and making wild, passionate love on the couch, I locked up for the night and moved as stealthily as I could toward the first floor bedroom. One French door was slightly ajar, like it usually is at night, and I pushed it open carefully. "Jim?" The curled form in the bed moved and looked over a shoulder at me. "Sorry to wake you, Chief. I...uh..." //Yeah, Ellison, what *are* you doing in his room?// "Everything okay?" Blair asked, moving to sit up now. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the clock. "Yeah, everything's fine..." I swallowed and rested a hand on the doorknob, already plotting my escape. "Just wanted to be sure..." //What? That you woke him up?// "I was just looking in on you, you know." //Smooth. Sounds like checking on your five-year-old. "Well, I'm here," Blair said, smiling, looking a little confused in the gray shadows of the dark room. <> "I was thinking," I began, moving over to sit on the side of his bed, down near his legs. I stared at his desk on the opposite wall, practically with my back to him. "Blair..." "You're starting to make me nervous here, man. What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong--I hope." I took a deep breath. "I just got thinking while I was at the bar about...us." "Us?" Blair asked, frowning. At least, his voice sounded like it was coming through a confused frown. This sure was easier in theory than in practice. "Are you pissed off about something?" he asked, his voice not really accusatory, not really fearful. Just neutral--and still confused. "No, I'm not pissed off." I turned around so I was sitting with one knee resting on the bed, facing him. "It's nothing like that. I..." I started to gesture but with no words, I finally let my hands fall back in my lap. I knew this was absurd, but I couldn't say it. "Blair, I..." Again, too chickenshit to say the words. So I stared at him like a moron. Then the most incredible thing happened. He got up on his knees and moved over to where I was, so we were still facing each other, but now we were close. Close enough I could feel his breath on my face when he spoke. "I do too." That was all he said before he rested his hands on my shoulders and pressed his lips against mine, a little hesitant, a little scared...but there he was. Kissing me. I just sat there, frozen. I was so damn shocked, I couldn't move. He backed away, and I never want to see that look again on anyone's face. I'd made him feel all the things I was so afraid of feeling--humiliation, disappointment, the feeling that he had misread everything, and probably destroyed everything. <> I pulled him into my arms and this time, *I* kissed *him*. And he kissed back, and before long, we had fallen back on the bed and our tongues were in each other's mouths and our hands were going everywhere. He was at a disadvantage, because I was still dressed, but never underestimate Blair's ingenuity in a tricky situation. I was still trying to get his boxers off and he had me naked. His body was warm and hairy against mine, the skin felt soft and yet there was the firmer resistance of a male form moving under me. I ran my hands up and down his smooth back, over the swell of his ass, loving how he gasped into the kiss when I gave his butt a squeeze with both hands. He got me back when he started playing with my tit. That was the glamorous extent of it--we were humping like crazy, me playing with his butt and him pinching and playing with my tits, our mouths licking, sucking and kissing at each other the whole time. We came together, humping a little faster, until we both relaxed, feeling the hot wetness spreading between us. I looked down into his sleepy eyes, and kissed him again. Gently, properly, lovingly--the way a first kiss is supposed to be. "I love you," I said, then kissed him again. Telling him I loved him was as easy as kissing him. "I love you too," he responded, grinning. I kissed every part of his face then. I love it when he smiles. I love him, so damn much... "Nobody but us. That's what I was thinking in the bar," I said, and he ran his hands over my chest and held onto my shoulders. "Has there ever really been anybody but us?" he asked, still smiling. And he was right. Lots of imitations and some false moves, but there had never been anyone for either one of us except each other from that first morning we had breakfast together and this turned into *our home*. "Never will be, sweetheart," I whispered, then worried a little at how he'd handle my calling him that. It just came out. But he just smiled at me again, and then we were back in each other's arms, rolling so we were on our sides. I don't even know how long we stayed that way, kissing and fooling around. I just know that we finally fell asleep all tangled up. I hope to be tangled up with Blair for the rest of my life. ******** THE END