DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).
Chapter 39: Captain Janet Fraiser, MD
Waiting has never been my strong suit...
As a physician, it's hard enough to wait for test results that hold a person's fate in the balance. As a friend of the patient, it's nearly impossible.
That specialized knowledge I worked so hard to gain gives me a vantage point no one else could possibly share. I know the prognosis, I know the odds, I know all too well what could go wrong, all that could go wrong...
I'm not going to think about those things now...not with the rest of the SGC out there putting every ounce of their energy into positive thoughts. I have to keep believing that...once again...Daniel will defeat the odds.
I've seen him do that so many times, each time making me wonder whether this will be it. The time when he doesn't pull some miracle out of his floppy hat, the time when we finally lose the wonderful spark he brings to our lives, the time I actually have to face the rest of his team with the words I never want to have to say...
I won't say them...not even in the privacy of my own mind.
Daniel can't die.
I reach for another cold compress. He's still so hot. I wish he were awake, I need to see him awake, but the sedatives we gave him to perform the drainage procedure will keep him out for awhile. When he's awake, those eyes provide a comfort all their own. A comfort born of endurance, of survival, of a strength of 'self' and an expansiveness of heart I've rarely had occasion to know in another person. I've come to rely on that comfort...
I thought I'd lost it once after the fiasco with Machello's machines. It was touch and go for a while there, I wondered if Daniel would ever be able to forgive me for my part in that. I should have fought harder to keep him here with us. I shouldn't have let MacKenzie strong-arm me into taking his diagnosis on face value. After all, damn it, I've seen stranger things than that in my time with the SGC...I should at least have suspected something else. But I didn't...and no excuse in the world will ever make up for it.
But he let me off the hook...
It took some time, but he let it go...and worked really hard to get me to do the same.
The whole thing put a strain on Cassandra and I think in the end that was what did it. He couldn't bear to see Cassie hurt by our differences.
That was nothing compared to the hurt she'll feel if he...
Don't think that way, Janet. Cassie is not going to lose her 'Uncle Daniel'...
I won't let her.