Author's Notes: This is part 4 of the 'Conquering Need' Series. Having previously read Unfinished Business, and Interludes Daniel and Jack would be advised.
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
"In-coming traveler," the duty Sergeant announced in an efficient voice that Jack found mildly irritating. He jammed his hands in his pockets and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible as he paced the control room. Waiting. Three weeks of waiting. Crap. He hated waiting.
// Robert, I swear, if you've let anything happen to him you're a dead man. //
The Sergeant was speaking again, telling Jack what he already knew. The Marines were coming home. Bringing Daniel back with them. He'd hang here just long enough to see that everyone got home okay. Just a couple more minutes. Couldn't spare any more time than that. After all, there were so many important things waiting for him, demanding his attention. Games of solitaire to be played, paperclips to be counted.
Figures were starting to materialize on the ramp. Quite a stream of them, loaded down with gear and equipment. Looking tired but triumphant from their three-week off world training exercise. Looking happy to be back and equally eager to be set loose. Jack smiled wryly to himself. Knew the feeling.
His eyes scanned the faces of the men who continued to come through the gate, still not seeing the one he most wanted to see. The one he had not seen for three weeks. The one he had barely seen for the month previous to that, except when it absolutely had to present itself to his view in the line of duty.
Jack pressed closer to the glass of the control room, trying not to become anxious. If there had been anything wrong - if anyone had been hurt, they would already know it. Relax, Jack, he probably just got lost on his way back to the gate. Someone was probably rounding him up this very minute.
// That was low, Jack. You know a lot better than that by now. //
He certainly did. After three weeks of immersing himself in Daniel's world, he knew a lot differently. About a lot of things.
Turnabout was fair play, after all. Whatever his reasons for doing so, Daniel had been spending a fair amount of time - doing the same thing. Playing in a different sandbox with a bunch of new friends. Not with him, but if he couldn't be there, Jack had to concede that Daniel couldn't have asked for better playmates than Makepeace and his boys.
It wasn't exactly certain how the whole thing had started. Danny and the Marines, that is. There was a story floating around that Makepeace had broken up a little bit of an --altercation between Daniel and a couple of marines down in the exercise room. Wasn't clear if it was an actual fight and if it was who had started it, but the upshot of it was that Robert had taken Daniel under his wing and next thing Jack knew, Danny was hanging out with the Makepeace and Company. On a fairly regular basis.
Whenever SG-1 wasn't off world Daniel was an honorary Jar Head. He worked out with them, trained with them, from all accounts did a few other things with them that had caused Jack to take more than a few mental step-backs when he heard about them. Whatever was going on, it appeared that Daniel was more than holding his own. Getting quite a reputation for himself. And more than earning the acceptance of his new buddies.
// Good for you, kid. Always knew you had it in you. Guess it was easier to find it without someone always cutting you down.. //
Whatever he was picking up from his new friends, it was sticking. Daniel's performance during their recent missions had been - exceptional. Daniel - looked like one of them, acted like one of them - moved like a soldier. He'd definitely acquired some skills. He didn't stick out anymore, had lost that edge of uncertainty that often slowed down his reaction time. What he was doing was becoming instinctive, a part of him.
Jack knew that this should have made him happy. I mean, isn't this what he had always been pressing Daniel to become - part of the team, part of the program? Isn't this what he always wanted? A more 'military' Daniel?
Well, Daniel was finally doing it. Here he finally was. Jack finally had what he wanted.
Why did it all feel so wrong?
It was a question that haunted him mercilessly until he was able to get some answers. From Daniel himself. Or rather - from Daniel's words.
The opportunity for Jack's study had presented itself rather unexpectedly a little over three weeks ago when Makepeace had made his request. Every six months Robert took his boys to P2G-B7S, also affectionately known as the 'The Playpen', an uninhabited and fairly wild place that offered an interesting diversity of terrain features and conditions within a twenty mile radius of the Stargate. In fact, the place had the feeling that once upon a time it had been used for exactly what the SGC was using it for now: an off world field training site. In this convenient and accommodating place it was possible to engage in any number of battle, survival and training scenarios under optimum field conditions and still enjoy the convenience of being only a 'gate' away from base. Not to mention not having to worry about their activities in any way impacting on any indigenous population. Which gave it a hands-down leg-up over trying to carry on in a similar way here at home.
Jack recalled that the exchange with Robert had been more than a bit strained. On both sides. Makepeace had talked around his main objective for a bit; trying to find out how much Jack knew and then trying to discover how he felt about what he was hearing. Jack didn't make it difficult for him to ask what he wanted, but didn't give him anything either.
In fact, the whole thing had the rather bizarre flavour of a guy trying to figure out the best way to ask his best friend if he could date his sister.
It took a bit, but Makepeace finally laid it out. His team was going off world for some fun and games and they wanted to take their new friend Daniel with them was he okay with that?
Okay? He was as about okay with the idea of Daniel being out of his sight and off the planet for three weeks as he was okay having someone break all his fingers with a ball peen hammer. Even if Daniel was going to be surrounded the whole time by a pack of Marines who liked him. But if Daniel wanted to go.
Well, the timing was certainly right. SG-1 was definitely due for some down time. If Daniel wanted to use his free time to play soldier, than who was he to stand in his way? He told Robert to go ahead and make the request; he'd add his okay to everything. Then he waved him out so he wouldn't have to see the mixed look of relief and anticipation on Makepeace's face as the man tried to tender his thanks by means of yet more 'fishing' conversation.
Forget it Robert. You got your way. You're not getting anything else from me.
Except Daniel.
Lucky bastard.
Then Makepeace was gone, leaving him in an empty office with a big, empty feeling inside of him that only got bigger when he encountered Daniel in the corridor a short time later.
A pretty rare occurrence these days. Somehow they had both developed an instinct for knowing where the other was so as to not be in the same place at the same time. That it was actually happening could only mean that one of them had screwed up, or one of them - wanted it to happen.
He wasn't long finding out.
Daniel stopped and drew himself up as soon as he saw him. His expression was as guarded as his posture.
"Jack."
Nothing there. Could have been asking him for the time of day.
"Daniel."
Well, two could play this game.
"Colonel Makepeace told me you approved his request. I just wanted to say thank you."
"Wasn't aware that what you did with your free time was any of my business."
Crap. Well at least he had managed to shut himself up before he had added the "anymore."
Daniel closed his eyes for a brief second and sighed. As it passed through him, so did the tension in his body: as he expelled the breath he seemed to sag with resignation. When his eyes opened again, they were bleak and distant.
"Never mind," he murmured as he turned and began to walk away.
// Say something - you idiot! Don't let him walk away! //
"Daniel!"
//He's stopped. He's listening. He's waiting. SAY something. //
"Uh - take care of yourself."
Was he seeing things, or were Daniel's shoulders slumped, just a little more?
"I will." Flat tone, not looking back. "You too."
That was all. Then he kept walking, and Jack let him.
Hours later Jack lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to understand why. He fell asleep no wiser for his efforts.
Two days later, Daniel was gone. Jack had watched him go, surrounded by a throng of enthusiastic and excited men who were thumping him on the back and ushering him forward whole-heartedly into the coming adventure. He watched Daniel walk through the gate without a single backward glance. Standing just about where he was standing - right now.
However, there was a huge, honking world of difference between the man he had been then, and who he was now.
Daniel was gone. Teal'c had departed to the Land of Light to spend his leave with his family. Then Carter came to see him to tell him her father had invited her to come for a visit and she had decided to go, could she ask the Colonel to do a favour for her.
Really, it was for Daniel. She had promised him that while he was gone she would keep an eye on the place and feed the fish, but seeing as she was going to be leaving as well, she was just wondering - since he wasn't going anywhere would the Colonel mind very much.
The Colonel wouldn't mind at all.
That was how, later that evening, he found himself in Daniel's apartment. Ostensibly to feed the fish. That took about thirty seconds. Let me see, what shall we do with the rest of the evening.
For quite a time, Jack just sat there, looking around, feeling the presence of the man who lived here seep into him from the residual 'Daniel-ness' tangibly permeating the very air he was breathing. Daniel was such a one who definitely left his mark wherever he rested. Back home on his own turf Jack had had more than one occasion to notice, on a much more subtle level, that he would often still feel as if Daniel was 'there' long after he had gone home. The feeling was then, as it was now. Comforting.
He didn't feel like a stranger or an intruder here. Not simply because he had spent a fair amount of time here over the past few years. It was more than that. There was a feeling of acceptance that wrapped around him, comforting rightness. Even though Daniel wasn't even here, for the first time since all of this began, Jack felt - good.
It was right about then that he noticed the note. Couldn't understand how he hadn't seen it before, lying as it was, in plain sight, on the coffee table before him. If it had teeth, it would have bit him, for crying out loud.
No salutation, no signature. But definitely written in Daniel's distinctive, slightly flamboyant hand.
"Make yourself at home
My place is your place.
Beer's in the fridge.
Try not to kill the fish."
Jack put the note back down on the table, feeling deeply confused. Seeing as how Daniel had left custody of his fish to Sam, then the note he had just read must have been for her. But it didn't sound like the kind of parting instructions Daniel would have left for Sam. Especially the killing the fish bit. That sounded like it was directed at - someone else.
Three guesses who, Sherlock.
Jack got up and went to the fridge to get one of the beers he had been promised, starting to feel as if he was a victim of a conspiracy.
Well, if he had been set up he fully intended to spring the trap. My place is your place, huh?
If that was the case, sounded very much as if he had been told he was free to do whatever he pleased. Carte blanche to snoop in Daniel's digs from the man himself. Oh my.. This definitely called for some intensive intelligence-gathering.
He didn't care if this was the way he was 'supposed' to react. In this particular instance, being 'predictable' suited his purposes.
At first Jack contented himself with prowling. Looking, touching, peeking into nooks and crannies. Inspecting items, beginning to find interesting curiosities tucked away out of sight in interesting places. Then he began to start finding more and more - strange things in extremely sheltered places. This was starting to get very interesting.
Daniel was a ticket stub/matchbook/meaningless but meaningful trinket saver. That sort of thing. Must have been due to the archaeologist gene. That propensity might also somewhat explain his tendency to 'cache' these articles as well. Or not. Whatever Daniel's reason for this rather bizarre behaviour, while it made for an interesting exploration that was rapidly turning the whole enterprise into a kind of adventure akin to a treasure hunt, Jack couldn't help but wonder at the inner workings of a mind that would feel compelled to hide the physical reminders of its most cherished memories away, even from itself.
Daniel had stuff hidden - everywhere. From poems secreted between the pages of a book to a lock of thick, curling raven hair carefully preserved in a beautiful, silk hand-embroidered bag placed in an envelope taped to the bottom of a drawer. Jack started to see a pattern emerging in the type of objects that were the most concealed and how difficult it was to find them.
Personal mementos and 'pieces' of the people in Daniel's life. The more important they were to him, the more profoundly they were hidden away. So far, Jack had not found anything that could be said to be something Daniel was saving that related to him. That meant either he meant an awful lot to Daniel, or he meant nothing.
Or he had gone through and destroyed everything.
Then Jack found them. Sitting in a neat pile on the bedside table, as if they had been placed there especially for his convenience. Daniel's journals. Without the slightest qualm, Jack picked up the top volume, walked back out into the living room, put his feet up, grabbed his now warm beer and began to read.
Promptly discovering where Daniel had been hiding his 'pieces' of Jack O'Neill.
It had taken a very long time to read all the way through the pile of volumes. Almost all the time he had been allotted to do it in. It had not been easy to do. Many times he only been able to read a brief passage before overwhelming emotion had caused him to put the book down, get up and just go. Jack had done more reading, walking and thinking in the past three weeks than he had had occasion to do in quite a long while. Also a fair amount more learning.
The man he encountered in those pages was one he had always known. What he hadn't known was how much MORE there was - of what he already knew. Daniel spared himself nothing in his frank personal revelations. In fact, for the most part he was far more unkind to himself than he needed to be. As well as far more forgiving than most people realized. Himself included.
One thing for sure - Daniel had one HELL of a nerve accusing HIM of an overdeveloped sense of 'responsibility'. From what he was seeing here Doctor Jackson had a guilt complex only slightly smaller than the known universe. As soon as he had enough time to get around to it, Jack was sure Daniel would find a way to take the blame for original sin.
He had no doubt in his mind that Daniel had meant for him to do this. The amount of personal courage that decision took astonished Jack, for the stark and uncompromising honesty of the revelations that had been entrusted to him left very little of Daniel that had not been laid open to his full view. It also left Jack with the complete freedom of choice. What he made of what he had learned and what he opted to do with it was - up to him.
For even though he had most of it, he didn't have all of it. The last journal, the one that dealt with what had happened that night, and the time since then, was not there. Of course it wasn't - it was the most recent one. It was the one Daniel had with him.
Daniel may have opened himself up to scrutiny, but he still wasn't going to make what was happening now any easier. What Jack did next was completely in his own hands, and completely up to him.
Daniel had made the first overture in doing this. What was Jack's response?
For starters, he was standing in the control room, still waiting for the man to come through the damned gate already!
Suddenly, two men walked through the event horizon. One man had his arm around the shoulders of the other. Makepeace. And.
Daniel! Jack clamped his jaw shut just in time to avoid actually shouting out his name. Which would have been a really bright thing to do considering it was not like Daniel could have heard him or anything.
Jack hugged himself, unable to suppress a surge of pride at the sight of the triumphant returning 'warrior' Makepeace was escorting down the ramp into the arms of his waiting companions. Jesus. Look at him!
Daniel was - glowing. Not just because of the fact that his hair was near bleached blonde by the sun and his skin was burnished golden no doubt by the same influence. He was radiating self-confidence and overwhelming happiness to the extent that he was an incandescent, noticeable presence in the midst of men who crowded around him; vocally affirming he was indeed one of them.
That was his boy. Making friends wherever he went. Well, why the hell not? Who could get to know this man, and not love him?
Jack stood silently, watching as the Marines cheered and applauded Daniel's arrival. Watched as he looked visibly touched and pleased by their approval, and not a little bit embarrassed. Saw unmistakable proof of how happy he was.
And could not help but notice that Daniel's present condition had absolutely nothing at all to do with anything having to do - with him.
Right up until this moment Jack had been unsure of what his next move was. Now, looking at Daniel, he thought he had his answer.
Daniel didn't need him anymore. He had worked it out, had moved beyond him. He had new friends now. From the looks of things, they were much better friends to him in the short time he had been in their lives than Jack O'Neill had ever been.
Time to let Daniel go and somehow try to go on with whatever was left.
His heart a lump of lead inside him, Jack was preparing to turn away, when suddenly, as if he had only just become aware of the eyes upon him, Daniel looked up and saw him.
Jack froze; not wanting to see the last rejection he knew was coming, and yet unable to look away.
Eyes that were impossibly blue and clear against the glowing, golden skin looked at him and shone. It did not seem possible, and yet the man who was already aglow with contentment suddenly blazed all the more brightly with a joy that arose spontaneously within him in response to Jack's presence. Daniel saw him and smiled. Not just smiled. Beamed like a lighthouse beacon. Right into his eyes, straight to his heart, everything that Daniel was. Which was all pretty damned glad to see him, apparently, and not at all caring who saw or knew.
Feeling is mutual, Danny.
Maybe he should just rethink that 'letting go' stuff..