Wardrobe for a Wizard
“Come on, Harry! You’ve graduated and you still wear these ratty hand-me-downs! You must improve your image! We shall have no respect for you if all you ever wear doesn’t fit!”
Harry continued to struggle as the Patil twins dragged him into the wizarding retail park, just outside of London. “I don’t need any clothes! I have my school robes. Those’ll do just fine until I figure out what I want to do with my life!” Harry protested.
Releasing him, Parvati crossed her arms. Huffing, she retorted. “You won’t be able to do what you want if you never dress the part, sweetness.”
“Besides,” Padma added, “No one will look twice at rags, but will always double-take at elegance.”
Growling lowly, Harry pouted. “Fine! You’ve made your point. Now what did you have in mind?”
A sinking feeling rose in Harry as he watched the twins’ expressions morph into wicked grins. ‘This doesn’t bode well for me.’
Quickly exchanging looks, Padma began. “First things first. No self-respecting wizard would continue to wear glasses on a daily basis.”
Parvati continued. “Spectacles, of any form, are for ornamentation, not necessity.”
“And where does one find a qualified wizard with the ability to fix my miserable eyesight?” Harry asked, hoping it would require a special trip somewhere else and him being taken into another room.
As if reading his thoughts, the girls smirked. “You’re in the wizard world now, Harry. That procedure is done by a charmed booth.” Padma answered.
“And luckily for you, every department store has one within their walls so fat chance, if you think you can escape from this shopping trip.” Parvati quickly added.
Whimpering, Harry was lead to a garish looking telephone booth with the most unusual looking signs. “Eyes, Ears, Nose, and Throat” it exclaimed with six inch letters, neon pink in color. Various bulleted statements were scattered about beneath the title.
“Had something tasty but left your breath rank? Try the new Ultra-Mint© treatment, guaranteed not to turn a girl away!”
“Date with the in-laws? Try our Doctored Ear© selective hearing option!”
“Get into a fight and don’t want your girl to know? The Quick Fix Nosejob© is just the ticket!”
“Eyes not what you want? We fix all impurities from color to style to sight quality with our patented Be Seen© process!”
Harry paled as his eyes ran through the statements. ‘Sounds like a quick lube job or a fancy car wash.’ Harry continued his journey down the door, eyes alighting upon several small plates with “Ear” “Eye” “Nose” and “Throat” written on them in every combination and by themselves. Before he could ask the question, Padma pressed down on the one proclaiming “Eye”. The door suddenly drew upward and sideways as if it was a curtain being drawn.
Harry squawked as Parvati pulled the glasses directly off his face. “You won’t need these anymore!”
“Couldn’t I just go to an optometrist, get some contacts?” Harry panicked at seeing the small space he would be standing in.
“An opt-what?” They chimed together.
“You know,” Harry rasped, backing away from the pushy pair. “A muggle eye doctor.”
“Harry, Harry, Harry.” Padma laughed. “Contacts are just as taboo as glasses. And eye surgery can be very damaging, not only to your eyes but also to the continuity of your magic.”
Harry sighed. “I’m not going to be able to talk you two out of this, am I?” The pair grinned, shaking their heads. “Can you at least tell me what this monstrous device does when I step inside?”
“None.” The duo replied as they shoved the reluctant Harry inside.
Instantly after entry, the door shut, locking the now frightened Harry inside. Panting heavily, he nearly screamed as blurry appendages reached out from the dim booth walls to wrap securely around his head. Clenching his eyes shut, Harry could not help but laugh hysterically to himself as ‘There’s no place like home’ repeatedly ran through his head.
A cool, mechanical, feminine voice reverberated through the booth. “What is it you wish to have performed to your eyes, witch/wizard? If you are not certain of the options, reply with ‘list’.” Still stricken with fear, Harry could not reply. Several seconds passed before the voice continued. “If you do not begin stating your specifications within five seconds, correction will be all that shall be performed.
“As no further instructions have been made, correction will now begin.” Unbeknownst to Harry, two more arms branched off from each of the appendages. He screamed as his eyelids were forcibly opened to reveal heavily dilated forest green eyes. Moving to defend himself, Harry started flailing his arms about.
Sensing additional movement, more appendages ripped out from the darkness, effectively restraining the scared wizard at the wrists, ankles, and waist. The booth now satisfied with the immobility of its occupant brought forth another apparatus. A goggle-like object snaked out to mold around tearing emerald orbs. Flashes of light bombarded Harry’s severely distorted vision.
Blind and dazed, Harry’s ears barely registered the booth’s next statement. “Process: complete! Thank you for choosing the Eyes, Ears, Nose and Throat for your eye care needs! Please come again!” A breeze swept over Harry’s front as the wall before him opened and the booth released him. If not for his previous experience with falling, Harry would most assuredly been eating the tiled floor. As it was, his arms trembled as he gave in to the urge to retch violently.
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