It's Always the Quiet Ones

by Singe
illo by Lethe

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Note: Rated PG13 and it's very, very short. I also wrote it quickly so it ain't exactly Shakespeare.


Janine was looking very festive. A delicate ivory and lace blouse untucked over a Christmassy red velvet mini-skirt. Her hosiery had little sparklies around the ankles and she had splurged on new and expensive shoes. Crystal snowman earrings and a large holly-with-red-berries pin completed her ensemble.

As much as he hated Christmas, her boss and pal, Peter, was going to puke. She practically rubbed her hands together in anticipation. Nothing like a full day of mutual insults, personal attacks and put-downs to keep a friendship alive.

A low creak drew her attention to the stairs. Ray was creeping down them backwards, his eyes scanning the ceiling. Janine became vaguely alarmed. This was not his happy 'My Friends Are Stalking Me With Squirt-Pistols' sneak, nor was it his patented, ultra-quiet 'Something Is Loose In The Firehouse And It's Trying To Kill Us All' tippy-toe, but an unsettling combo of the two. He looked disgusted.

'Oops!' illo by LetheJanine discreetly wiggled her fingers at him, catching his attention. With silent but rushed steps he crossed the distance between them and without the least preamble, ripped the front of her shirt clean off.

Janine held still for it, absolutely too shocked to move. Staring him in the face she was only vaguely aware of the sound of petite ivory buttons hitting the floor.

Ray choked. A deep-red blush slapped across his face so quickly he almost lost consciousness. He whispered, "I only meant to grab the pin...!"

"What?" Her voice was low, slow and deadly.

"The pin!" He held up his fabric swatch with Janine's holly pin dangling, still attached, to the end of it. "Slimer's confused." Ray breathed. "He thinks holly is mistletoe. Y'know, like some kids do. He's got our holly wreath and he just gave Winston the most gross, slimy kiss up on the roof..."

He unclasped the pin and put it in his pocket. Then, badly rattled, covered her cleavage with the torn remnants and patted them into place, as if guilt and good intentions would magically sew her shirt together again.

"Rayyy..."

"I'm sorry, damn, I'm so sorry! This stuff is fragile! Is it antique? I'm so sorry..."

"Ray...get...your...hands...OFF...my...tits!"

A choked whine of laughter issued from Peter's office and there appeared the wonder that was Peter Venkman completely doubled over. Ray dropped his hands. Peter managed to drag in a trembling breath and veritably exploded with laughter.

"Ooh! THERE'S something you don't hear every day!!" He collapsed onto the wooden floor. He slapped it. He writhed, he WALLERED in their discomfiture. "BWAHAAAA!"

Ray and Janine stared at him with horror and disgust. Their own embarrassment temporarily forgotten as they contemplated Peter holding their tender moment over their heads for the rest of their lives. They'd never hear the end of it. Never.

Suddenly, a glowing green glob of slime came wailing down through the ceiling. Slimer was upset. He stopped to drift in front of Ray and pouted. "RAAAAAYYYY!! Eeegonnnnn took my mithiltow!"

Glaring at Peter, Ray reached into his pocket. The holly pin glittered green as he held it up for Slimer to see. "Here's some more, buddy." He flipped it through the air and it landed beside Peter's head. He abruptly stopped laughing and began to scuttle away. He looked like a panicked crab.

Janine grinned. "Give him a big Christmas smooch for me, Slimer!"

"OBOY!! MITHILTOW!! Merry Chrithath!! Merry Chrithmath, Peterrrrr!!" Slimer scooped up the holly and held it over Peter who had backed into the file cabinets.

"NO! Slimer, NO! Get away!!" Peter fell into the classic 'Duck and Cover' position.

With a loving MWAH! MWAH! MWAH! Slimer gave Peter his best cold, slimy ectoplasmic Season's Greetings.

Janine turned to Ray. He flinched back - then noticed she was smiling.

"Merry Chrithmath, Ray."

Relieved, he grinned back. "Merry Chrithmath, Janine."

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Okay."

End


Back to:

Contact the archivists at :TobinsGuide@netjeru.ma-at.net