The Ghostbusters were busy watching TV when their secretary Janine Melnitz came up the stairs. The six o'clock news was on, which was the reason for them to agree regarding what channel to watch.
"I just wanted to say I'm closing up," she explained.
"Why did you make the effort going all the way up here to tell us?" Peter asked and smiled. "What happened to yelling from downstairs?"
"Doctor Venkman, I'll be delighted to yell at you any time you like - you don't even have to ask me," Janine snapped. "I came to give you this before I leave. Nothing special, really."
"What is it?" Doctor Raymond Stantz urged to know.
"It's small, it's square, it's white, it's made of processed fibres - I'll take a wild guess and say it's a note," Peter threw in while Janine handed the note to Doctor Egon Spengler.
"Peter," Winston Zeddmore sighed and picked up the remote control in order to pump up the volume. "Spare me."
Egon put his red-rimmed glasses higher up on his nose and hummed for a bit. The others were surprised to watch how he could barely keep a straight face. He usually kept his cool, but this time Egon seemed rather amused and thrilled.
"Gentlemen," he said and glanced at Janine, who couldn't look as if it was a rainy day anymore. "We have a case."
"Is it a poltergeist? A real nasty one?" Ray enthused. "I finished a book about it yesterday, written by Wondachuck."
"I'm very happy for you," Peter said to Ray, who didn't seem to hear him.
"No poltergeist," Janine pointed out. "Coming to think about it, I'd be needing you to fill out some forms for me, Doctor Venkman. I'll mail them first thing tomorrow. I guess that means you can't come with them on this bust."
"I won't be lying face down with a portable - barely portable, Egon - nuclear accelerator strapped to my back tonight, covered in slime? Janine, that makes me so unhappy. Please, don't do this to me," Peter exaggerated.
"Upper West Side," Egon said and gave the note to Ray. "Not all too urgent - the apparition is a repeater, but the customer got tired of it and appreciates if we can come tonight."
"Oh, wow!" Ray let out when he read the note, his eyeballs seeming ready to pop out of their sockets. "I can't wait!"
"I hate when he does that," Peter sighed. "The more enthusiastic Ray is, the slimier is the ghost and there's always trouble on the double. Remind me to thank you about filling in forms, Janine."
"I'll remind you," Janine purred sweetly.
"Winston, look! Don't you just love this job?" Ray asked and gave him the note.
"Man!" Winston let out and put away the remote control. "I know everything there is to know about this one! Saw a movie just the other night!"
"I won't be watching the live performance of 'The Monster from the Black Lagoon'? This must be my lucky day!" Peter said and leaned back, seeming to love the prospect of the evening.
"No, I watched 'Golden Lantern'," Winston corrected him.
"You mean the new Faye Evan movie?" Peter asked while his three colleagues left the sofa. "I didn't know it had anything to do with ghosts."
"It doesn't," Winston said as Janine giggled behind her shielding hand.
"Wait!" Peter cried out, turning off the TV. "Give me that note!"
"Here you go, Doctor Venkman," Janine said as she took the note from Winston and handed it to Peter. "Don't forget you must thank me."
"Full apparition, full charge, Upper West - apartment owner, miss Faye Evan?"
"Have a nice evening, Doctor Venkman," Janine said casually while she trotted down the stairs behind the others. "The forms are on my desk."
"You can't be serious!" Peter shouted. "Faye Evan as in the one and only Faye? The actress? She called us? The Ghostbusters in her penthouse?"
"Goodbye, Peter!" they all said in chorus, opening the doors of Ecto-1.
"No way!" the brown-haired member cried out and threw himself on the fireman's pole, sliding down. "Janine, you can't do this to me!"
"Now what?" Janine wondered and faked a surprised look. "You promised!"
"They're seeing Faye Evan and I'm filling out forms?" Peter questioned as he strode to where she was standing. "That's not going to happen in your lifetime - which now is considerably shorter, because of what you've done to me."
"I'll ask for her autograph and let you have it," Winston said with a smile and closed the car door of the driver's seat.
"Okay," said Janine. "You owe me for this one."
"No, I don't!" Peter sneered and entered Ecto-1. "I bet there weren't even any forms!"
"Maybe not," Janine said. "Ray, can't you do me a favor and check what day creme she's using? I'd kill to have skin like hers!"
"You need that day creme, believe me," Peter pointed out with a grin and closed the car door on his side.
"Doctor Venkman!" Janine hissed. "Take that back!"
Peter made one of his obnoxious faces while Ray affably assured her he would try find out about that day creme. Janine sighed and waved them goodbye when Winston had ignited the ectomobile and backed out of the garage.
"I can't believe she did that to me," Peter said and looked over his shoulder at Janine as she closed up the Headquarters.
"Faye Evan!" Winston said, turning on the sirens. "I saw all of her movies! The Evan family goes way back, did you know that? Her aunt was Julie Evan, and before that we had..."
"...Anne Evan, miss Julie Evan's older cousin", Egon filled in. "The legendary silent film actress."
"How come you know the Evans so well, Egon?" Peter inquired with that curious smile.
"I wrote an essay back in high school," Egon said dryly. "Before miss Anne Evan became famous, her mother Prue Evan had quite a carrier as a ballet dancer."
"Wait," said Ray. "She was an Evan, too?"
"Her daughter was born out of wedlock, which of course was considered being a disgrace," Egon informed them. "She disappeared from the scene because of it. In the late nineteenth century, her aunt Hollie Evan toured as a singer, being very successful. There are no recordings, unfortunately."
"Hey! I think you really like the Evans, Egon!" Peter teased and twirled Egon's curl in the back of his neck around his index finger. "You don't stand a chance, did you hear that? She's mine."
Egon grunted something and made Peter let go of his blond hair.
"None of them ever married," Winston pointed out. "They say it's the Evan curse. Fame, no marriage."
"Who talked about marriage?" Peter said. "It's the eighties, guys."
"I get to be the first to ask her out for dinner, okay homeboys?" Winston urged.
"Can't argue with the driver, can we?" Ray inserted.
The Ghostbusters arrived safely at Faye Evan's address at the Upper West Side. Ray strapped the spectro visor to his head and pushed it up, which Peter teased him about, claiming Ray did that only to hide that his hairline was crawling in the wrong direction and that he didn't want Faye to notice. Ray replied by remarking on why Peter insisted on bringing the ecto-sniffer, and that Peter just might be needing spectro visors, as well.
"Aren't you bringing any PKE-meter, Egon?" Winston asked in surprise. "Am I the only one who's got one?"
"I don't need any equipment," Egon said calmly and pushed Faye Evan's call button at the entrance.
The three Ghostbusters looked at each other, knowing that Egon had won the verbal contest once again.
"Yes?" a woman's voice was heard from the speaker, being distorted and impossible to recognize.
"Miss Evan?" Egon asked, running a hand through the hair on the side of his head. "It's the Ghostbusters."
"I'm unlocking the door," she explained while a buzzing sound and a click confirmed what she just said.
"Ladies and gentlemen, first contact established!" Peter whispered, holding the muzzle of the ecto-sniffer in front of him like a microphone. "The valiant scientists are now moving on, determined to make third degree contact. Who will be the one that mankind will remember for breaking new ground?"
"She lives at the top floor," Winston said and heard the elevator reach their floor with a hum.
"Will this craft be strong enough to take all the brave men to the outer limits?" Peter asked, still holding the ecto-sniffer muzzle in front of his face. "Maybe someone has to be left behind?"
"Excuse me," the man leaving the elevator said.
"Was that one of the extra terrestrial species?" Peter enthused in his pretended microphone.
"Of course, sir," Egon replied to the man and stepped aside.
"Peter!" Winston hissed while the man left the building. "Do you really have to talk about Burt Reynolds as if he's some kind of alien?"
"Burt Reynolds?" Peter echoed, staggered.
"He must have visited someone in the house," Winston said and tugged Peter's make-believe microphone. "Give me that!"
"Okay, okay," Peter said and put the piece of equipment away. "I promise I'll be a good boy from now on. Going up... Scotty?"
"This guy will kill me one day or the other," Winston sighed and entered the elevator together with his colleagues.
"I can't believe it!" Ray chirped. "We're going to meet Faye Evan!"
"Don't forget the day creme," Peter reminded him.
"Day creme?" Ray asked, seeming unable to focus on skin care products.
"He forgot all about it," Peter smiled.
The elevator moved slower and came to a stop. Winston looked at the numbers above the door, pointing out they had only come half way up.
"It can't be! Are we stuck?" asked Peter. "I wanted the next person I lay my eyes on to be Faye..."
The doors slid open and Egon greeted the young woman outside with a "Good evening, miss."
"...I wasn't hoping for some ugly road kill face to cram the elevator doors open for us," Peter finished.
"Madonna!" Ray exclaimed and let his mouth remain ajar.
"I was going up to see Faye, but I think I'll take the next one," she sneered and stared at Peter.
"I don't think it's a good time right now," Winston said and put one foot between the sliding doors to make them open again. "See, we're the Ghostbusters and we're on our way to take care of a spook in her apartment."
"Oh, I'm glad to hear that," Madonna said. "I've been worried about her - I haven't spoken to her for a few days and we use to meet a lot more often than that when we're both here. Can you ask her to see me once you're done?"
"Sure," Peter threw in and grinned much too widely. "What's your apartment number? Well, so I can pass it on to Faye."
"She knows where I live," Madonna replied with a lopsided smile as the elevator doors closed tight.
"Peter, do I even have to say it?" Winston asked.
"If you think I planned calling Madonna an ugly road kill face, then think again," Peter answered. "I was talking about the guy who'd get us out of here in case the elevator stopped midst floors. I can't help she overheard me, can I?"
"We're there," Egon said in a strangely ominous way when the elevator doors opened on the top floor.
Ray brushed some invisible spot off his coveralls as they went to Faye Evan's apartment door. Egon knocked on the door while Peter adjusted his hair and Winston straightened his back. They heard someone unlock the door and saw how it slowly opened just a few inches.
"The Ghostbusters?"
"Yes, miss," Egon assured her. "I believe you have a full torso apparition we were asked to remove."
"That's right," she said and detached the door chain. "Please, come in."
"I'm Doctor Venkman, but you can call me Pete," Peter said and wanted to shake her hand.
"I don't shake hands," she pointed out, but it was too late. "I have a bad cold and you might catch it."
"So I see," said Ray and looked at the woman, whom was dressed in a thick pullover and having a knitted comforter around her neck and half her face. "Your throat sounds a bit rusty."
"Yes, I'm running a temperature," she explained and pointed at the living room. "I'd appreciate if you get rid of the ghost as quickly as possible. I'm tired and need to rest."
"Of course," said Winston and turned on the PKE-meter. "It's a class six, Egon, and it isn't moving."
"That's because I fixed it," she pointed out.
"Fixed it?" Ray echoed in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"I read an old book about how to make ghosts remain on the spot and not scurry all over the place," she said and coughed. "The Marauder pentagram, or whatever they called it."
"Marauder?" Egon repeated, but this time the name sounded threatening. "You performed the Marauder pentagram rite?"
"Can't you just catch the ghost now?" she urged them. "It's a since long deceased Evan relative and she won't stop pestering me."
"Why would she do that?" Peter wondered.
"I don't know! It was something about how I act on stage. She's dead and I'm alive! She should be among the dead, where she belongs!"
"Yeah," Ray said, not being fully convinced. "What do you say, guys? Should we go get her?"
"It's what we're paid for," Peter said. "You pay cash, right?"
"I'll send you a check," she said and coughed again. "Please, hurry. I'm burning up."
"Isn't there something very strange about Faye?" Winston whispered to Peter when they went from the hallway to the living room. "It's not just that she's having a cold."
"I shook her hand, and she didn't seem hot at all," Peter whispered back.
"I don't think we should bust that ghost until we know what's going on," Winston concluded.
"Guys, I can see it!" Ray cried out from the living room, which he had already reached. "It'll be a piece of cake, even as it's a class six!"
"The Marauder pentagram is effective, but unstable and unreliable," Egon stated and pulled loose the thrusters from his accelerator. "It slows down the ghost and binds it, making it stop moving almost completely, turning it to a freeze-frame adaptation. The problem is that the ecto-energy accumulates, threatening to detonate. The higher the class, the higher the risk."
"Great, Egon, I understood that one," Peter said. "Now if we just get some ecto-sniffer samples first."
"No, we must act quickly," Egon opposed. "The ghost might blow up the whole apartment, including everyone in it."
"If we're unlucky, it can rip up a hole to a Netherworld dimension," Ray chimed in. "On 'three', okay?"
"First I need some samples," Peter insisted and grabbed the handle of the sniffer.
"No, Peter! Don't get close to the pentagram zone!" Egon called out, reaching for his colleague.
"It's getting instable!" Ray yelled. "Don't fire now!"
"Faye, look out!" Winston shouted and tackled her, protecting her with his body.
"Peter, get out of there!" Egon screamed, trying to make Peter finally back off. "It will blow any second!"
"I can't," Peter managed to utter, shaking more and more. "I'm stuck."
"I'll try fire a proton beam between Peter and the ghost," Ray said and grabbed his thrusters.
"Don't," Egon marked in a very authoritative way. "It will make it more unstable and probably burn Peter."
"It's all we can do!" Ray said.
"Maybe there's one more option," Egon said over the increasing roaring noise, the rest of his words drowning.
Peter's eyes had turned bright white and his head was tilted as far back as humanly possible. His body was bent backwards, forming a curve that perfectly corresponded with that of the ghost. Slowly the sphere of light surrounding them grew bigger and bigger, sparks cascading in the air. Egon seemed to hesitate, got down on his knees and still tried to keep looking at the blinding light. When Peter and the ghost slowly left the floor and levitated, slowly spinning in midair, Egon got up on his feet and took shelter behind the sofa.
"Ray," he screamed over the noise, "we have to fire. There is no other way."
"Peter's proton pack," Ray reminded Egon. "The ecto-energy will cause a chain reaction! What will the consequences be?"
"I'd rather not ponder that," said Egon and turned on his pack. "We've got to save Peter."
"I'll tell Winston we have to cross the streams," Ray said to Egon and started crawling army-style to where his colleague was.
"Faye..."
A rumbling androgynous voice filled the room. The word came from the ghost's lips as well as Peter's.
"I think she wants to talk to you," Winston said to the woman he tried to shelter.
"Julie, Anne, Prue, Hollie, Jane, Christina," the strange voice continued, cutting right into their brains. "Emma, Evelina, Cordelia, Amelia. It goes on until the beginning of time. We are one. We shall never die."
"Oh great, a ghost that does speeches," Winston told Ray. "I hate them."
"We have to cross the streams," Ray screamed back.
"You cannot end this," the voice continued.
"Wait, Ray!" Winston urged.
"Guys, don't do it," that monotone androgynous voice continued. "I see why. We are forever. Faye Evan. We are she."
"That sounded like something Peter would say," Ray told Winston. "Ghosts don't say 'guys'."
"Are you ready?" Egon asked them, having crawled to where they were.
"We shall prevail. I'll make sure there's no explosion, guys."
"Someone ought to rewrite that ghost's lines," Winston thought.
"Peter did," Ray said. "Egon! He's able to take over the ghost's will! He's fighting it!"
"If we focus on the very center of the sphere..." Egon started.
"I think I understand it now," Winston said and looked at the woman he still pinned to the floor. "You're very quiet now, aren't you?"
He tugged her comforter and she tried to keep it in place, hiding the lower part of her face. Winston yanked it down and they were so surprised that they forgot to look at Peter and the ghost.
"Myra Cane?" Ray finally asked. "The actress? Is that you?"
"Yes," she hissed. "Are you the Ghostbusters, or what? Can't you get rid of that darn spook?"
"We want to be in this world! Help us to subsist!"
"That's Faye!" Winston called out. "That ghost, she's Faye! We've got to do something!"
"Winston, Ray - fire when you see the light of the trap," Egon said and grabbed a hold of the trap that was attached to the side of his accelerator. "Give me your traps. Hurry!"
"Oh man, when he tells you to hurry, it's bad," Winston mumbled while he gave Egon the trap.
The tall scientist let the three traps skid over the floor, stopping exactly under the sphere of light. Both Peter and the ghost was shaking as if a mad puppeteer was pulling the strings, spinning faster and faster.
"Help us!"
"Fire!" Egon screamed on the top of his lungs, but the order was unnecessary.
Winston and Ray had already pushed the button, letting out a stream of protons. The ghastly roar became a screech when the traps started sucking in parts of the sphere. For a second, all there was were bright lights and noise. Ray saw how Egon leapt in the direction of Peter and the ghost, got hit by the proton beams and seemed to scream. It was as if it happened in a movie - Ray couldn't take it in.
Egon landed on the other side, dragging Peter along. Neither Winston nor Ray could look at them, because they were busy figuring out out what was the next part of Egon's plan. The traps continued pulling in the sphere and seemed to pull in the sound as well. When the traps closed, the screeching noise ceased and the Ghostbusters saw how they kept the ghost steady above the pentagram.
Even as Egon seemed to have hurt his elbow, he reached out his injured arm and got the hold of a piece of chalk lying on the floor. He drew a straight line in the middle of the chalked pentagram and crossed the line by yet another line. Once he had drawn the cross, the ghost came alive and was screaming in horror.
"Turn off the thrusters!" Egon commanded his colleagues.
It was silent - so silent that the silence throbbed in their ears. The ghost stopped screaming and sank to the floor, landing on hands and feet. Peter coughed and crawled to where she was, whispering something to her and hugging her.
"Gentlemen, it's over," Egon said.
"Not that fast," Winston said and grabbed Myra Cane by her wrist. "You've got some explaining to do."
"I don't have to explain anything," Myra snapped. "I haven't done anything wrong."
"You posed as Faye Evan, for starters," Ray reminded her.
"I never said I was Faye," Myra triumphed. "You assumed I was."
"Well, you... asked us to capture Faye's relative," Ray tried. "That's Faye herself."
"She's her own relatives," Myra said. "It was always her. She's her own grandmother, for heaven's sake. It's just a ghost! If I ask you to bust her, that's what you're going to do!"
"No way, miss," Winston said.
"Oh, yeah? I hired the Ghostbusters and you agreed on busting the ghost in the living room. You can't back out now. I'll sue you."
"She's right," Egon said. "That's a ghost and Miss Cane is our customer."
"You're not going to win, Myra," Peter said, still hugging the sobbing specter. "Sometimes, ghosts are more human than people."
"Why did you want to do this to Faye?" Ray asked.
"She's pestering me, that's why!" Myra sneered.
"Myra didn't get the leading role in some new big movie," Peter explained. "Faye did. They've competed in this tough business for years , until Myra found out Faye's supernatural."
"When did you learn all that?" Winston asked.
"We were connected," Peter said and nodded in the direction of where they had levitated. "I know everything about her now. She knows everything about me. She's been around for thousands of years, giving up one name and taking another, claiming to be a younger relative. She wants to make people happy by performing."
"Always," Faye whispered. "Now my secret is revealed. It's all over."
"Who says the secret has been revealed?" Ray said and stared at Myra. "We won't agree on Myra's wild story if she tells the press. If we don't chime in, no other parapsychologist will even bother researching it."
"She can make another Marauder's pentagram," Peter said.
"I'll see to that," Egon said. "Don't worry, Faye."
"You haven't won!" Myra screamed. "None of you! I'll get rid of you one way or the other, you slimy ghost!"
"I won't be in the audience to watch your next movie, Myra!" Winston called out when she got up on her feet and ran to the elevator.
"Gosh, this was a strange case," said Ray and took off his spectro visor. "Say, Faye - can I ask you a question?"
The ghost nodded, smiling weakly at him.
"What day creme do you use?"
-----the end-----
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