Acknowledgments: To Nati, Wren, Torch, LapisLaz, Wolfling, Marnee, and
BlackRose for pre-pre-betas, pre-betas, re-pre-betas, regular betas,
infinite patience, and more helpful plot/characterization suggestions than
I can count. :) All remaining errors, including extraneous commas, are
solely my own.
Shouts and squeals and delighted laughter pealed through the window that
opened onto the balcony terrace from the palace gardens. Qui-Gon Jinn
stood behind the multi-paned window, arms folded and hands tucked inside
his sleeves. He watched impassively, concealed behind a gauzy curtain,
pretending not to look down to ground level but doing it anyway.
Eight small children romped and played in the gardens, supervised by one
young man. Currently he lay on his back, heedless of the risk of grass
stains on his pale tunic, at the bottom of a pile of shrieking youngsters,
Torehiri boys and girls and human Jedi tangled together like puppies. The
young man laughed with delight, mellow tones rich amidst the piercing calls
of the children, then wrestled his way to his feet and began tossing his
small assailants in the air, catching them with Force and levitating them
down slowly. Laughing children drifted and turned like brightly colored
autumn leaves, falling slowly through the air to drift around the Knight.
Shifting his feet, Qui-Gon caught a fold of the curtain between his thumb
and forefinger, absently testing its faintly rough texture. He remembered
the night of his rescue ruefully-- in the short time since it happened he'd
been able to think of little else. It had been a terrible shock, coming
fully to himself only to realize that he was engaged in sexual intercourse
with Kenobi. Even as orgasm struck his body, wracking him with
uncontrollable shudders, forcing him to pour his essence into the young man
whose body clasped him, he had felt the Avatar disperse from his mind and
understood at last what had happened.
The entity's sudden removal left him with no defense against the
overwhelming sensation of pouring out his ecstasy deep within the younger
man's tight, finely muscled body. In the aftermath he stood shaking,
abandoned by dignity and power. He was left with no distraction from the
intensity of the knowledge that Obi-Wan Kenobi was lying hot and naked and
trembling in his arms at long last, the young man's own forced orgasm
wracking him with aftershock, the hot pearly fluid slippery between their
bodies. He could not escape either Obi-Wan's self-sacrifice or his own
pleasure in it.
How could he have lost so much control and awareness of his own actions?
It shamed him and frightened him deeply. As Yoda so often warned it would,
his terror had led to anger and anger to suffering. In the heat of the
confused, embarrassment-filled moment he had fled from fear into shame and
from shame into resentment, becoming irrationally infuriated that Obi-Wan
had made such a sacrifice to return him to himself.
He didn't want to admit that anyone could affect him the way Obi-Wan did,
both personally and professionally. But waking to orgasm, waking to
rescue, waking to that perfect body in his arms... he was faced with
irrevocable, stunning proof of both. He had hurt Obi-Wan cruelly with his
foolish attempt to reject that revelation. Qui-Gon's head bent forward to
touch the glass, leaving a faint oily smudge on its surface.
"Distracted, you are," his Master's knowing tones brought him back to
himself and Qui-Gon quickly released the fold of curtain he'd been drawing
back and forth through his fingers. Yoda stared up at him with
ill-concealed amusement, ear-tips high.
"Knight Kenobi should take a Padawan Learner," Qui-Gon responded, striving
to appear casual, determinedly turning his back on the tranquil scene in
the garden.
"Should and will... they are not always the same." Yoda chuckled softly,
undertones of sadness entering his tone, and Qui-Gon winced at the
direction of his old master's thoughts. The wise old Councilor watched him
carefully, eyes half-lidded. "Escape your destiny you cannot," he
commented a little too lightly and turned away, moving toward a low table
covered with flimsiplast and data readers. Qui-Gon followed him, irritated
by the remark and intending to question the ancient Master more closely.
Even after he left the window his sense of Obi-Wan was as sure as if he
were tied to the young Jedi. He could tell that Obi-Wan was plucking the
children out of the sky and placing them on the ground tenderly one by one,
preparing to lead them inside again. He wondered if his Master could sense
the troublesome lingering resonance between himself and Kenobi, but Yoda
forestalled his questions, seating himself behind the table and gazing up,
suddenly businesslike.
"Torvan has sentenced Ilvar to ten years' imprisonment," Yoda revealed,
clawed fingers tapping a printed sheet.
Qui-Gon's eyes widened. "It is a mild punishment." Particularly
considering the numerous deaths that occurred in the rioting that had
resulted from Ilvar's treason. He felt slightly uncomfortable that he
would not be penalized for his own role in the events that had followed,
but according to Torehiri law he had been out of his mind and was not to be
held responsible for the Avatar's actions. Fortunately the Avatar had
caused no deaths, a fact for which Qui-Gon was profoundly grateful.
"Hmmm, yes. Lenient. Torvan's leniency is designed more to pacify Livarin
and the other Livans than to spare Ilvar, I think." Yoda nodded sagely.
"Torvan is an intelligent man. Wise. A good king. This does much to ease
the lingering tensions between Livans and Torehiri."
Qui-Gon nodded agreement, hoping that Torvan would continue as well as he
had begun, but the majority of his sympathy lay with Ilvar. He felt at
least partly responsible for the Livan's plight.
Yoda watched him compassionately, reading the play of his expressions in
his eyes. "Spoke of Ilvar to the Rilvani High Priestess, I did. He will
be permitted to return and rejoin the Rilvani tribe if he wishes when he is
released."
Qui-Gon sighed with relief, pleased that the Livan would be re-accepted
into his tribe. It was hard being an outcast among both strangers and
one's own. Furthermore, Ilvar's education and his hard-earned experiences
could be used to benefit the primitive Rilvani, Force willing.
"Much remains that should be done on Torehir, but not enough time is
there." Yoda frowned down at one flimsy, picking it up and studying it.
"Production at Juyoren has dropped again. The situation is critical."
Yoda sighed. "We must make haste and finish here."
Juyoren? "The crystal-mining concern?" Qui-Gon frowned. The Jedi-- and by
extension the Republic-- could ill afford a disruption of operations at the
Juyoren facility. His hand moved instinctively to his lightsaber. Though
it did not contain Juyoren crystals many Jedi weapons did, and the thought
of having to do without lightsaber focusing crystals was disturbing to any
Jedi.
Qui-Gon saw the same conclusion in Yoda's sober gray-green eyes. "We
cannot risk a failure of the Juyoren facility." Yoda lifted his chin,
thoughtfully gazing through the same window Qui-Gon had occupied earlier.
"Production statistics show sharp decline and our other sources can no
longer produce enough to compensate. Evasive, is Master Bretor. Glib.
'Temporary downturn, run of ill luck, need for better equipment.' Luck?
Hmmf. Jedi believe not in luck." Yoda shook his head. "At first we
believed his excuses. But feel right, it does not. Not enough crystals
have we now to spare for new padawans to build lightsabers, or to use
crystals in sparring. Training proceeds with wooden poles."
Qui-Gon's eyes widened with surprise. That was serious indeed. Perhaps he
had been too remote from the Temple. "Bretor?" The name was familiar
and after a moment, he placed it. Bretor had become a new Master just
before Qui-Gon was raised to Knighthood. His memories of the other Jedi
were not very flattering: the man had seemed too sullen and temperamental
to make a good Jedi Master.
"Mmm." Yoda nodded. "Subtle businessman is Bretor, and well-suited to the
assignment the Council deemed him. Not a diplomat or a warrior, but a
shrewd manager."
"He is a poor fighter," Qui-Gon remembered. "I defeated him in a battle
tournament just before I was knighted."
Yoda nodded good-naturedly. "That you did." The wizened little Councilor
cut his eyes at Qui-Gon and the human Master had to stifle a wry smirk.
Bretor had borne a subtle grudge against him ever since, displeased that a
Padawan could-- and had dared to-- defeat a Master in battle. Though he
had not encountered Bretor for over sixteen years, he suspected theirs
would not be a pleasant reunion.
"You will find out the causes for the trouble on Juyoren. Help you, Knight
Kenobi will. He is also assigned to the Juyoren mission," Yoda stated
calmly.
Qui-Gon stiffened a little, surprised. "Surely I can handle the assignment
myself, my Master. Or perhaps you might--"
"Too old am I for fieldwork." Yoda's clawed hand went to his tender ribs
in demonstration of the statement and Qui-Gon winced, reminded that he had
been the unwitting agent of his own master's injury. "I am needed by the
Council." He lifted his gaze to Qui-Gon sharply. "Obi-Wan is qualified.
Skilled. A good partner he will be. A fine Jedi he is."
"I do not debate these things, but I do not want a partner," Qui-Gon
replied stiffly. Especially not Obi-Wan Kenobi. There was too much
explosive emotional potential there and Qui-Gon did not want to have to
face it. Not now. Perhaps not ever. Not if he could avoid it.
"Need one, you do." Yoda's tone brooked no defiance. "The last weeks
prove it." He thumped his gimer stick on the carpeted floor for emphasis.
"I am not blind, Qui-Gon Jinn." Yoda pursed his lips, staring firmly up
into Qui-Gon's eyes. "A connection there is, forming between you and
Kenobi."
Qui-Gon turned aside instinctively, avoiding the intent, judging stare.
"Aha!" Yoda's voice was abruptly gleeful. "You have sensed it!" He
jabbed his stick at Qui-Gon's thigh. "Escape him you cannot. He is your
destiny."
Qui-Gon sighed, his eyes drifting back toward the tall windows. Destiny?
He shifted his feet again, chafing against Yoda's cryptic pronouncement.
He reached out lightly toward Kenobi, testing the Force between them. It
was stronger than any random connection between them should by rights be--
strong as a training bond, though much different from one. A bond? But
what kind of bond might it be, and if it were not dealt with promptly, what
might it become? One thing was certain... if he was correct and this new
affinity he had found for Kenobi was truly a force-bond, further proximity
would certainly do nothing to discourage its continued formation. The
thought filled him with ambivalent emotion, mostly dismay.
"Kenobi is not my destiny," Qui-Gon resisted the urge to squirm when the
words left his mouth and he heard how sulky they sounded. "When we return
to the temple, the connection can be severed by healers. If any
intervention is required at all." He bit down hard after appending the
last words, knowing that they revealed too much about his estimate of the
strength of the connection that already existed.
"I feel your conflict, old friend," Yoda moved around the table and stepped
close, resting one small hand against the back of Qui-Gon's knee.
"Difficult it is, to face fear." He gazed up, mouth pinching
contemplatively, eyes narrowing to slits, and Qui-Gon felt the Force stir
subtly as Yoda quested its currents, seeking the future. They both fell
silent for a long moment as he waited. "You will do what is right," Yoda
murmured at last. "Little more will the Force tolerate." Satisfied, he
patted Qui-Gon's leg again. The tall Jedi sighed, wishing that for once
Yoda would share his insights, but after so many years of interacting with
his old Master he knew better than to ask. Pretending he did not care to
know was preferable to the frustration of being denied an answer, and he
preferred the illusion of control.
Yoda's eyes crinkled with amusement as he gazed up into Qui-Gon's resigned
face, sensing his irritated thoughts. "Not given to half-measures are you,
Qui-Gon? All or nothing is your way, I think. Have a care that you do not
distress Obi-Wan with your intensity, or with the swift changes in your
focus." The tips of his ears were high, an infallible sign of good humor.
"You will accompany Obi-Wan as he journeys to gather the remaining
candidates," Yoda decreed, changing the subject abruptly. "I wish for you
to go to Rilvani and recruit among the Livan tribes. There is much
potential there."
"But it is his mission. He will resent my presence and regard me as
evidence that we doubt his abilities." Qui-Gon folded his arms. "It would
be better if he went alone."
Qui-Gon's seeming altruism did not convince Yoda, who fixed him with a flat
stare. "Two are quicker than one, and time is short. Learn to work
together you must, if you are to succeed on Juyoren. On this much
depends!" Yoda shook his head, exasperated.
"Yes, my Master." Qui-Gon could not quite keep a tone of discontent from
shadowing his voice.
"Ponder my words, Qui-Gon," Yoda advised him wearily. "Your peace you must
make, with yourself and with the Force. And with Obi-Wan. You can avoid
your emotions no longer." He turned and moved toward the data terminal
that had been placed on a low table for his use, signaling subtly that the
interview neared its end.
Qui-Gon spared a last glance at the now-empty gardens, at the lush grass
trodden down by small feet. Peace? His soul had known only tumult from
the moment Knight Kenobi had entered his existence. Perhaps it was
because he was struggling against the will of the Force with regard to
Kenobi, as Yoda had just implied. He must meditate and divine the truth of
things for himself. The will of the Force was not always easy to accept,
but as a Jedi Master he must reconcile himself to it. Somehow.
He sighed, more disturbed by the offered advice than by its absence. "When
will we be leaving?" He gathered composure around himself like a shroud.
"The transport will be ready within the hour." Yoda's voice was soft,
sympathy in his tones as he glanced at Qui-Gon, and the tall man knew that
he had not succeeded in hiding his deepening distress from his former
Master.
"I leave you, then." He bowed formally to the tiny Councilor and Yoda
inclined his head in polite farewell.
Slipping out of the room, Qui-Gon made his way down toward the domestic
levels of the palace. The bond told him where Obi-Wan would be: directing
his charges through the servants' halls to the palace nursery, where they
would be fed and housed without disturbing the courtiers and wedding
guests.
Moving quietly through a dim spiral stairwell lit by flickering oil
lanterns spaced at wide intervals, Qui-Gon sighed, considering Yoda's
words. They had only served to increase his disquiet, as had his insight
about the possible bond. That would explain why he was distinctly
uncomfortable in the young Knight's presence, but was even more so when he
was widely separated from the other man. Kenobi's absence felt like an
unreachable itch under Qui-Gon's skin, stealing sleep and ease, causing him
to toss and turn by night and to prowl restlessly by day. Though only one
full night had passed for him subjectively without Obi-Wan at his side, he
already bore dark circles of sleeplessness under his eyes that spoke of his
agitation.
Since the morning after his rescue, Qui-Gon had found himself almost
irresistibly drawn to be near the Knight. He suspected that even without
the excuse of duty that permitted him to seek Kenobi out with impunity, he
would be surrendering to that subtle pull, moving nearer to Kenobi, perhaps
without having consciously decided to find him. Over the past two days he
had come to compromise with that subtle pressure by watching Obi-Wan from
hiding, just as he had done this morning. Worse, Kenobi probably knew it.
If there truly was a bond, the young Knight was doubtless experiencing a
similar psychic resonance, sensing Qui-Gon's whereabouts and activities
just as unavoidably as Qui-Gon sensed his.
His boot-heels made soft rhythmic clicks on the plain marble floor, echoing
off the unadorned walls of the servants' wing of the palace. During the
two days since his rescue, Qui-Gon had acted on the assumption that
discretion was easier than confrontation. The few face-to-face encounters
he had been unable to avoid so far had been strained, wordless meetings
that began with the exchange of a single nervous glance and continued with
mutual avoidance of eyes until they separated as rapidly as possible. The
flight back to the Torehiri capital had been particularly uncomfortable,
involving prolonged and silent proximity. He was not anticipating their
upcoming partnership with pleasure.
Feeling his sense of Obi-Wan's presence growing, he halted. The young
Jedi, fully cowled, entered the corridor where Qui-Gon stood. Gliding past
without pausing, he headed deeper into the dormitories. The Jedi Master
reversed his course and fell into step next to the younger man.
"Master Yoda wishes for me to accompany you to pick up the remaining
candidates and for you to seek more potential candidates in Rilvan,"
Qui-Gon explained soberly, without preamble. "We are to use this
opportunity to resolve our differences preparatory to beginning another
mission the Council has seen fit to assign us."
Obi-Wan nodded, the movement evident only in the slight dip of his cowl.
His silence gave Qui-Gon pause, and he used the opportunity to ponder the
energy that lay between himself and Kenobi. The more he focused on the
bond, the more he felt an overwhelming need to touch it, or to touch
Obi-Wan. It was like the compulsion to pick at the scab over a
half-healed, itching wound, and he was suddenly too weary to struggle
against it any longer. He extended a tentative probe, sensing the
connection cautiously.
Unifying Force twined into Living Force between them, a multitude of
tendrils woven around them tightly, energies bearing the intermingled
Force-signature of both men, binding them together strongly. There was
indeed a quiescent emotional link here, left dormant by their refusal to
acknowledge it. The bond was not yet deeply rooted, but the density of the
energies that comprised it confirmed his nagging intuition that its removal
would not be simple. He suspected they would require the assistance of
soul-healers to sever the connection that had begun to develop between
them, when the time came for it to be broken. He touched it experimentally
with a finger of thought, feeling almost shy.
Obi-Wan glanced up from beneath his cowl, sensing the infringing tendrils
of Qui-Gon's will. His pale eyes flashed briefly and Qui-Gon could sense
the Knight launching a probe of his own only to confirm the impression that
Qui-Gon himself had just received. There was a surge of understanding and
dismay, then Obi-Wan withdrew behind his mental shields with dignity,
returning his gaze to front and center.
Qui-Gon swallowed hard. He had hoped that leaving Torehir, where the Force
was so strongly imprinted to them, would hasten the process of separation.
Clearly it was not to be that simple. He could no longer lie to himself by
taking refuge in the notion that the attunement to Kenobi he was
experiencing was just a lingering Force-resonance that would probably
subside on its own in time.
Destiny. A partner. While the notion still frightened him, it was not so
unthinkable as it had once seemed. The Knight was skilled and worthy for
his age and experience; his abilities were no longer a primary concern for
Qui-Gon. What was much worse was how much he would miss Kenobi if their
duties separated them. That knowledge disturbed him far more than the
notion of accepting that he must accept the presence of a companion.
"I will meet you aboard the transport," he stated quietly, angling away
from his silent companion. He had half an hour to prepare his pack and
make his way to the landing platform.
Obi-Wan was readying the transport for takeoff when Qui-Gon arrived; the
hatchway began to close the moment his feet were resting solidly on the
main deck. There were four rooms to choose from, so he took the one
furthest from Obi-Wan's, across the hall on the diagonal. Perhaps
anticipating his duties with the initiates, Obi-Wan had settled himself
next to the dormitory; Qui-Gon was adjacent to the cockpit.
The ship shuddered and lifted off while Qui-Gon was stowing his pack under
the bunk that was now his. He gave in to the tug of Kenobi's presence and
moved into the cockpit, taking a seat in the copilot's chair.
"We'll go to the most remote destination first," Obi-Wan stated coolly, not
looking up from entering coordinates into the navigation computer. "There
are fewer children waiting there. We'll pick up the majority on the way
back."
"When will we stop at Rilvan?" Qui-Gon hoped the neutral question would
not imply that Obi-Wan had forgotten that addition to his itinerary.
"That's our last port of call. No children are waiting closer to the
capital." Obi-Wan tapped at his console and the navigation computer
displayed their route on its small viewscreen. "Yoda saw to it that the
children who lived closer to the capital than the barrier mountains would
be gathered before we ever left Rilvan."
Qui-Gon nodded, his hand sliding into a pocket of his cloak. "I brought
along the complete briefing information for the mission I spoke of before,"
he spoke quietly, feeling slightly diffident. Both of the men paused,
remembering how his neglect to share such things with Obi-Wan had created
difficulties in coordinating their first diplomatic mission together.
Qui-Gon broke the uncomfortable silence by plugging the data chip into the
main computer.
"Juyoren is a small installation, its significance carefully concealed from
the Republic at large," the Jedi Master explained as schematics of the
mining colony began to scroll slowly across the screen. "Many Jedi know
little more of it than its name, but it is of critical importance to the
Order." The information briefing regarding Juyoren was terse but thorough,
and he keyed past a stream of production records, reviewing the most
relevant geological factors instead.
"The planet has a near-unique geological composition heavy with veins of
rare trace minerals. That, combined with geological instability and high
incidence of natural volcanism, makes the planet largely unsuitable for
colonization and development." He glanced at Obi-Wan, who was listening
attentively, sharp eyes following the additional information that scrolled
across the screen. "Together, these factors cause the formation of dense
energy crystals of unrivaled purity and rare chemical composition."
Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully. "The crystals are mined by Jedi operatives
and shipped off-world to be faceted for use in constructing lightsabers?"
he theorized, touching his own weapon instinctively.
"Yes." Qui-Gon was relieved by the professional tone of their interaction
and by its apparent productivity. "But recently there has been an increase
in volcanic activity on Juyoren. It has caused a distinct drop in
production. This was not regarded as critical until Alesko resigned its
position in the Senate and withdrew from the Republic."
Obi-Wan frowned, a fine line of concentration creasing in his brow. "The
Hutt? They have always maintained an influential presence on Alesko."
"It seems probable. In any case, the Aleskan governing body required that
all Republic presence-- including Jedi interests-- be withdrawn from their
planet until further notice." Qui-Gon paused. "There are operatives
investigating the circumstances of the planet's withdrawal, but our own
efforts must focus on Juyoren. In case nothing can be done to persuade the
Aleskans to return to the Republic or permit our operations, we must
restore the effectiveness of the Juyoren facility."
Obi-Wan leaned forward, his shoulder brushing Qui-Gon's. He seemed not to
notice, absorbed in the information he was reading. "But the Juyoren
facility is mobile." He touched the screen, halting the scroll of
information. "Shouldn't it be able to relocate when local volcanism
increases?"
"Indeed." Qui-Gon called up a map of the planet, showing locations that
had been mined. "These are the relocation records for the past sun cycle."
Obi-Wan took over, punching at the keyboard, drawing up planetary
statistics and correlating them quickly. "It looks as though volcanic
activity follows the colony wherever it goes," he commented wryly.
Qui-Gon tilted his head, considering Obi-Wan's words, and fed a request
into the computer, drawing up statistics regarding the colony's previous
moves. "You're right," he murmured, indicating the new data subset with
one finger. "The number of moves has risen by sixty percent in the last
ten sun cycles, but overall incidences of volcanism on Juyoren have not
increased."
Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon involuntarily, surprise at having his words taken
so seriously flickering behind his eyes. "Then what has caused this chain
of coincidences?"
"That is our job to find out." Qui-Gon met Kenobi's gaze calmly and the
moment of accord stretched between them until it broke when the Knight
glanced away, suddenly growing uncomfortable with the mutual scrutiny. He
made an unnecessary course correction, frowning over the controls with
exaggerated care.
Qui-Gon sighed and rose, diplomatically putting some distance between them.
Walking into his cabin, he rested his back against the bulkhead and sank
into a crouch, reaching for a meditative state. He hadn't chosen to reveal
that the Council had already arrived at Kenobi's conclusions independently,
but Obi-Wan had passed the small test of his insights with flying colors.
Being possessed by an independent entity had been a terribly humbling
experience for Qui-Gon, one that forced him to acknowledge his own
limitations... and in contrast to them, Kenobi's competence. The young
man's intuitions were keen and sharp; he chose relevant questions to pursue
and drew new information to the fore and synthesized it into his existing
knowledge almost effortlessly.
Their conversation about Juyoren had gone surprisingly well, all things
considered. It was a good start, if a tenuous one. It wasn't hard to
understand why Obi-Wan was suspicious and mistrustful. Qui-Gon hadn't
given him much reason for trust, and the Avatar had given him even less.
It had been a long time since Qui-Gon shared such a satisfying, cooperative
interaction with anyone but Master Yoda. He shifted uncomfortably, folding
his long legs beneath him. Kenobi's conversation was forcing him to
realize exactly how far he had withdrawn after Xanatos's betrayal. For
such a simple, basic interaction to be so soothing and yet so terribly
unfamiliar, it seemed that he had become very bitter and withdrawn indeed.
As he finished settling himself, Obi-Wan stepped out of the cockpit,
hesitating in front of his open door. The noise of his boots roused the
Jedi Master from the beginnings of meditation and Qui-Gon opened his eyes,
meeting the Knight's gaze for a long moment, but in the pain of his
self-discovery he found no words and after a time Obi-Wan turned and
ghosted away. Qui-Gon resisted the impulse to follow him, resuming his
interrupted thoughts.
He had already re-evaluated Obi-Wan Kenobi's Jedi skills and professional
competency, but that was not all that was needed. In the face of their
growing bond and his own guilt at having mistreated Kenobi, he was going to
have to do some hard thinking and re-evaluate his responses to the young
Knight-- and perhaps also to the boy that Kenobi had once been.
They crossed the terminator while on autopilot and over-flew the
southeastern continent shortly after dawn, landing only several hundred
kilos from the polar cap. Sun glinted brightly off iced snowdrifts and
their robes flapped against their legs, bitter wind whipping gusts up
around their thighs, mocking the insulated Jedi gear they wore. Obi-Wan
lifted his hand to his forehead as a makeshift sunshade, scouting the
windswept village before setting out, boots crunching in a skim of snow.
There were no visible signs of the settlement's habitants. Wordless,
Qui-Gon followed him, feeling his toes begin to grow numb.
Obi-Wan rapped on an ice-crusted door, and it creaked open slightly, a
bright eye in a pale face peering through the crack. "Are you the Jedi?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan responded, bowing respectfully. After surveying them
carefully, a Torehiri man opened the door further and they slipped inside,
glad to shut the bitter wind out behind them.
Obi-Wan's instincts were true; a woman crouched on the floor amidst three
small children, tugging and adjusting the sleeves and ties of animal skin
parkas, drying tears and closing packs, easing straps on small shoulders.
She glanced up at the Jedi with an expression that hung between fear and
hostility, her hands lingering on one girl, drawing the child against her
with fierce possessiveness.
Qui-Gon glanced at Obi-Wan, who was already sliding his concealing robe off
his shoulders in spite of the chill that lingered even inside the
fire-heated dwelling. He seemed to shed the mysterious Jedi aura along
with the cloak, smiling down at the woman with openness and warmth,
effortlessly projecting reassurance.
He threw back his own hood in tacit support of the Knight, making
eye-contact with the man who had admitted them. His eyes were also on the
tiny girl, too-bright with tears. This was always the worst part of
recruiting, taking children from their grieving parents. There was almost
no way that it could be done painlessly. Qui-Gon was glad that the other
families had brought their children and left them here; one set of
distraught parents was bad enough. Three would have been distinctly
unpleasant.
"Your daughter will be well cared-for," Qui-Gon murmured, stepping close to
him, trying to offer comfort. He stood next to the saddened father, both
men gazing down at Obi-Wan. The children had gathered around the skirts of
their single protector; mother to one of them, she now served as mother to
all in their wariness of the strangers. Obi-Wan smiled and items moved
from the nearby table to carousel over his hands, dipping and bobbing in a
circle. Wide eyes followed the movement, the bravest child stepped forth,
staring at him in amazement.
Obi-Wan smiled at the narrow-eyed mother again, reaching into his stole
with his free hand. He removed his hand, a crumpled bit of green lying in
his palm, and it stirred and grew, then bloomed. Her eyes widened; living
in a barren land of snow, she had never seen a blossom, though perhaps she
had read of them.
Qui-Gon blinked at the young man's deft manipulation of Living Force, then
reached to enhance it, tying it tightly with a Jedi Master's skill, setting
it to sustain the flower permanently. Obi-Wan made no visible
acknowledgment but accepted the assistance without question, levitating the
lush bloom forward. Tentatively, she reached and took it, pressed it to
her face, scenting its delicate perfume.
"We will teach her to do these things," Obi-Wan murmured. "She will become
a Jedi, and her life will be like that of this flower-- brought to fullness
and sustained by the Force. When she returns to visit you, she will be a
blossom to brighten the snows. Her skill and beauty will be your shared
gift to the galaxy."
The mother stared at him for a long moment, eyes dark and unreadable, then
released her protective clutch on the squirming girl, letting her step
forward to join the others in admiring the small spinning circle of
tableware that Obi-Wan held aloft with his mind.
Qui-Gon released a soft breath; sometimes parents changed their minds at
the last moment. They might have been forced to leave all the children if
this single mother's ire had been roused against them. He had always kept
his own speech to a minimum at these times, fearing an emotional outburst
from the parents, but Obi-Wan's tactics in this case were superior to his
own.
"It's time to go." The father's voice shook. "Taritha, we love you."
The small round face looked up, eyes liquid. "Love you, daddy." Her eyes
were drawn back to the revolving tableware. The mother turned away,
shoulders bowed, staring into the fire.
"Come, and I'll show you more," Obi-Wan invited, lifting Taritha gently and
seating her in the crook of his arm. She nestled against his neck.
Qui-Gon helped him shoulder half-into his robe and tuck the other half
around himself to shield him from the wind. Qui-Gon glanced at the mother,
who held the blossom in shaking fingers, a crystal teardrop escaping to
slide over a silky yellow petal.
"Quickly, Obi-Wan," he murmured too softly to be overheard, and they
stepped forward, herding the children before them. The father followed,
wrapped in his own parka, and nodded soberly to Qui-Gon when he glanced
back as Obi-Wan led the little ones up the ramp. It had gone well, though
he could sense the mother's sobs now from inside the small hut that she had
shared with her family, now reduced by one.
The Torehiri father stood forlorn, buffeted by the bitter wind and snow
that curled around his body and tugged at his parka, watching as the Jedi
ship rose into the air, carrying away his daughter.
Qui-Gon set the autopilot again and made his way to the dormitory where
Obi-Wan was settling the children, distracting them from the traumatic
moment of parting. Taritha's eyes were welling with tears now and she let
out a low wail, her fists clenching in Obi-Wan's tunic.
"She's crying," Obi-Wan commented, but he meant the mother; his expression
was remote. "Taritha can sense it." He held the little girl, crooning to
her softly.
Qui-Gon nodded. "I'll take care of the others." He settled them into
their beds and indulged himself by sending them both to sleep with delicate
Force pushes, watching from the corner of his eye as Obi-Wan gently
comforted Taritha and put her to bed-- without the touch of Force. Instead
he inspired her trust with gentle words and tone, speaking to her softly
until her lashes drooped. She fell asleep, breathing softly, the slightest
hint of a hitch in the regular rise and fall of her chest. Obi-Wan stood
with his hand on her, soothing her gently with his presence.
Qui-Gon shifted uncomfortably as he watched, guilt touching his heart
afresh. Obi-Wan was fine, strong and honorable, the soul of a Jedi. But
there was something else to him, as well... beneath the mask of Jedi
efficiency there was a softness, an optimism, a vulnerability, an openness
to love and kindness that knew no boundaries of race or station. And
Qui-Gon had sought out that vulnerability unerringly and had attacked it
without mercy, because in his own arrogance and pain, he had believed it
had no place in a Jedi.
He'd been wrong. He could not have made the simple personal connection
Obi-Wan had accomplished with the grieving mother; if he had tried,
Taritha's mother would probably have been in hysterics before he ever made
it to the door. There was something about Qui-Gon Jinn that did not
inspire confidence or invite trust-- he held himself too aloof, too remote,
trusting only in himself and never letting anyone near. Conversely, there
was something about Obi-Wan Kenobi that produced the exact opposite
reaction. Obi-Wan seemed to open his heart and invite others inside it,
and they responded to him in kind. How was it that they did not take
advantage of his openness and shatter him?
As Qui-Gon had done. Twice now, once years ago on Bandomeer and once only
days past. Did he truly believe it would be a good thing for Kenobi to
learn to close himself down, as Qui-Gon had? Or would learning to close
his heart also close Obi-Wan to the will of the Force, as Qui-Gon had
closed himself against it in the wake of Xanatos' betrayal?
Increasingly, Qui-Gon was compelled to admit that Yoda was right. In
rejecting Obi-Wan as his Padawan, he had denied the will of the Force.
Moreover, in maintaining his distance from his peers and jealously guarding
his fear and pain, he had flirted with the Dark Side. It was a direct
result of his own self-indulgent folly that he had grown so weak that he
surrendered to the onset of the Avatar almost willingly, regarding the
power of the Living Force as a convenient escape from the side of himself
that Obi-Wan threatened to make him confront.
He had grown stagnant in his bitter retreat from Xanatos's betrayal,
stagnant and unable to connect personally with others. Obi-Wan had
effectively demonstrated that twice already and the mission was barely
begun. Was it possible that over the years he had taken his bitterness out
on everyone who tried to come close to him-- on his colleagues, his
friends, even his old Master? He closed his eyes and a torrent of memories
streamed through his mind, filtering through his new perspective. The
objective truth of his own actions stung him with pain and shame. Yes. He
had become unreasonably withdrawn and his self-absorption had made him
cruel, most especially to Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Obi-Wan straightened Taritha's blankets and pressed a gentle kiss to her
sleeping cheek; as he pulled back he relaxed slightly and Qui-Gon could see
the evidences of emotional strain at last in his pinched brow and troubled
expression. "You handled that well," the older man spoke, but his praise
provoked only suspicion; Obi-Wan glanced up at him and the frown furrowed
deeper in his forehead as he tried to divine the older Jedi's ulterior
motive for offering unsolicited praise.
"We have another pickup an hour's journey northeast," Obi-Wan spoke quietly
in deference to the sleeping children. "Just one boy. Do you want to--"
"I'll stay with the children," Qui-Gon offered. He felt selfish, avoiding
the emotional upheaval of separating families, but it was Obi-Wan's own
mission, and he had proven himself quite capable of handling it.
Obi-Wan nodded curtly and withdrew, seating himself on the deck and folding
his cloak over himself. After a moment, Qui-Gon wandered to the cockpit,
watching the polar sea flash by beneath them, thick with icebergs and
slushy with the dull look of water that hovered on the verge of freezing.
The next child, a Livan, came aboard without incident, but at the following
village matters were not so simple. Qui-Gon was helping one of the small
boys care for himself in the lavatory when Kenobi's flare of dismay
traveled down the incipient bond. Bundling the child quickly back into the
dormitory and locking the ship down to protect their charges, he sprinted
into town, following Obi-Wan's aura. Citizens vanished wordlessly at sight
of him, never a good sign. He could hear the twang of projectile weapons
fire growing louder as he rounded a final corner and sprinted into the main
thoroughfare, immediately falling into step at Obi-Wan's side.
Obi-Wan was parrying hand-fired darts as he fled and Qui-Gon had no option
but to draw his own lightsaber in mutual defense. It felt oddly nostalgic
to battle at another Jedi's side, trusting Obi-Wan to partly cover his
flank and returning the favor by defending Kenobi's back, swiftly blocking
and incinerating the darts that sought to pierce them. After a moment's
awkwardness they fell into a mutually complementary pattern with textbook
accuracy, letting the Force guide their defense. Abandoning the candidates
to their families, they let themselves be chased away by the angry
villagers, retreating up the ramp of their ship and rocketing away.
"It is unpleasant when this happens, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon found himself trying
to share his experience with the younger man as they sat in the cockpit,
watching the village lights recede behind them. "But it could have been
worse. If you had already retrieved the candidates, the children might
have been endangered by their own 'rescuers.'" He had seen it happen
before.
The young Knight withdrew into silence anyway, refusing to discuss what had
gone wrong and blaming himself for the failure. Qui-Gon sighed and
shrugged mentally, withdrawing in his own right. The two hardly spoke over
the next day as they continued their mission.
Fortunately, that hostile confrontation was by far the worst of the
resistance to their efforts. Over the course of two days, they gradually
gathered seven of the ten children who had originally been tested and
chosen. It was not a bad average. Qui-Gon set their course-heading for
Rilvan while Obi-Wan took out the midichlorian sampling equipment and
tested it. In Rilvan their task would be more difficult; potential
candidates had not yet been identified among the jungle tribes.
It was just after noon locally when they arrived at the coordinates for
set-down near Rilvan. Qui-Gon gazed out, astonished, calling for Obi-Wan.
The clearing where the Avatar had caused a landslide of earth, stone, and
vegetation was filled to overflowing with Livans; apparently word of their
coming had gone before them. The only empty space was the wide shallow
lake that had been created by the landslide, water pouring over the trunk
of a downed tree that formed the lowest part of the barrier which dammed
the river's course. The sluggish water meandered around the perimeter of
the slide, picking away at it slowly.
The assembled Livans milled and scrambled to make way for the transport;
Obi-Wan trooped into the cockpit with the new Initiates at his heels.
Qui-Gon hurried to make a barrier of Force over the sensitive controls as
the children rushed forward to gaze through the forward viewscreen at what
awaited on the ground.
When they emerged from the ship with the youngsters in tow, the Rilvani
High Priestess was waiting at the head of the assembly, her eyes shining
with pleasure as they rested on Obi-Wan.
"Livantani," she greeted them cordially.
"I bring the greetings of Princess Livarin and Livantan Yoda to you all,"
Obi-Wan bowed respectfully in return.
"We are glad to have you among us, Jedi Kenobi." She gestured proudly.
"The tribes of the delta have assembled to do you honor. They hope that
their sons and daughters may be chosen and trained as Jedi Livantani."
She gestured with
both hands, encompassing the crowd, which shouted in unison.
Qui-Gon caught the arm of a particularly adventurous young boy from the
polar continent who seemed intent on disappearing and counted the others
quickly, wondering how he could keep up with them all in the melee.
"Let us begin the testing, so that the parents may have time to say
farewell to their children before we feast you," the High Priestess
suggested to Obi-Wan, then turned her gaze to Qui-Gon. "My acolytes will
care for the little ones you already have."
Obi-Wan nodded acceptance, bowing, and the children were led away. Qui-Gon
fell into step behind the younger man, effacing himself automatically.
Whispers of "Livantanerai" echoed around him, but for the most part
attention focused on Obi-Wan. Awe-stricken, many Livans scuffled to be
close to the young Jedi for a moment, to look at his face or to speak a
word of polite greeting.
Obi-Wan seated himself on the very tree trunk where he and Yoda had first
beheld the Avatar and Qui-Gon began the task of shepherding the families
with acceptably aged children into line and directing them forward, letting
Obi-Wan be the one to test them.
The morning progressed quickly. A shocking number of the children put
forward as candidates qualified, surpassing the minimum midichlorian level
requirements when tested. After an hour, it became clear that Obi-Wan
would have to pick and choose among the best of them.
Qui-Gon watched carefully, surprised at the eagerness of the adults. When
their children scored low, they seemed genuinely disappointed even as they
led their little ones away with comforting words. He was amazed by how
many Rilvani and other tribal families had brought their children for
testing. Their enthusiasm for the idea of their children training to
become Jedi Livantani was unprecedented. Of course, together Obi-Wan and
Qui-Gon had given very effective demonstrations of the extent of Jedi power
with the Force.
The growing crowd of those who surpassed the minimum were eager, parental
concern manifesting itself in tenderness and loving displays of touch and
speech with their children. There was none of the hostility or fear the
Jedi had encountered elsewhere.
The Jedi Master marveled at how closely these tribes connected themselves
to the Living Force. Even more, however, he was touched and humbled by the
reverence they held for Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Livan parents were prepared to
entrust so many of their children willingly to the Jedi... or perhaps it
would be more truthful to say that the children would be entrusted to
Obi-Wan Kenobi. The reverence with which he was treated made it clear he
had come to be regarded as a hero in the aftermath of Qui-Gon's rescue.
The High Priestess moved to Qui-Gon's elbow, smiling up at him politely.
"My people respect Jedi Kenobi," she murmured, watching as the young Knight
rubbed his thumb comfortingly over the slight sting of a sampling lancet.
"They see him as a man whose power and brave self-sacrifice are strong
enough to subdue the will of a god."
Qui-Gon glanced at her, mildly discomfited as he realized she had observed
his unease. "Perhaps they have the right of it," he responded soberly.
She smiled up at him, wrinkled face crinkling in an expression of delight.
"I think so," she agreed. "Any mother among us would be honored for her
child to become such a powerful Livantan."
Qui-Gon nodded, following the motion of Obi-Wan's arm as he wiped a sheen
of sweat from his forehead before accepting the forearm of the next
candidate. The clearing was dense with Force-signatures, crammed with
beings, and he felt a need to withdraw from the press to meditate upon what
he had seen.
"Livantan," he addressed the High Priestess respectfully, "the Force
calls me. I feel a need to be alone so that I may listen."
She nodded, glancing toward the temple. "Our celebration will be held at
the foot of the temple, where we will offer bounty to the land and sky,"
she mused. "Perhaps you would care to meet us there at dusk?"
"An excellent idea." He bowed, casting a glance at Obi-Wan, who was too
busy to notice the byplay. Tucking his cloak closed around himself,
Qui-Gon slipped away.
The trek through the woods seemed shorter than it had on the night of his
rescue; glimpses of the ruined temple beyond the tree-line simultaneously
attracted and repelled him. Most of his memories of it were faint and
fuzzy, though stronger ones tickled insistently at the back of his mind.
He pushed them away, wanting to concentrate on the events of this moment.
Dwelling on the departed Force-entity in such an emotionally charged place
was unwise. Strong traces of energy lingered here, imprinted with the
Avatar's being. To ponder them too closely merely invited a second
possession. There would be more time and safety for that after leaving
Torehir. Once he was away he could incorporate the Avatar's knowledge into
his own at leisure if he chose.
His own memories of Obi-Wan were paramount as he neared the structure.
Setting aside his robe, which was growing uncomfortable in the hot, steamy
sun, he began to climb the face of the temple, ignoring the building ache
in his knees. When he arrived at the top he gazed down soberly at the
obsidian altar where Obi-Wan had lain. The straps that had bound him still
hung from the carved stone rings.
He glanced up toward the sun, squinting. Storm clouds were gathering in
the east, a preliminary to the usual afternoon rain. Qui-Gon scooted a hip
up onto the altar and then slid back, crossing his legs, closing his eyes
and tipping his head toward the molten gold of the sun, hair cascading
freely down his back. He drowned the echoes of his senses in the crimson
of eyelids illumined by the brilliant sunlight.
Slowly he projected himself into deep meditation, listening to the Force
whispering to him. His own and Obi-Wan's residual energies were twined
about him now, energies very similar to the bond that had developed between
them. They guided his mind, leading him past veils of his own deep-rooted
and subtly dark fears. He had let those fears imprison him for far too
long. They had first led him to desert a boy who had needed him and later
caused him to deeply wound the man that boy had become-- a man who Qui-Gon
was beginning to realize was far more than he had initially seemed.
He felt the first patter of rain against his eyelids and ignored it,
reaching deeper, examining his fears so that he could acknowledge them and
release them to the Force. He had thought that he was threatened only by
the fear of renewed betrayal, that by trusting a companion as he had
trusted Xanatos he would invite pain and anger into his heart. That
thought, while true, was merely a single layer of his current disharmony
with himself and the Force.
There were deeper fears yet, deeper truths. Impelled by the Force, he
touched his dread, experiencing it open-mindedly for the first time. What
he feared most was already deep inside him: the passionate emotions that
were revealed inside his soul when he found himself engaged in the act of
love with Kenobi on the very altar where he now sat in meditation. The
walls of his fortress had cracked to their foundations as he realized that
he was buried deep within the beautiful young man whom he had craved so
painfully but reluctantly in so many ways ever since he first beheld him.
The cracks had revealed him to himself: he already cared far too deeply for
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
>From their first meeting Obi-Wan had seeded into his heart like the giapi
vines that laced into the stone of this very temple. Now that the boy had
become a man, the seeds left scattered on barren soil were emerging from
their dormancy to take root and crumble his walls, thriving and blossoming
on the harsh, stony dirt of his soul. Obi-Wan's presence was like rain
washing away resistance, and fresh air breathing life back into Qui-Gon's
arid existence. The process was already irreversible. He loved Obi-Wan
Kenobi and the vulnerability and weakness that resulted from his feelings
terrified him.
Qui-Gon gasped, the peace of his trance crumbling to shreds as his fear and
pain eclipsed the quiet voice of the Force. He could not release so much
violent emotion at once. It clung in a smothering shroud around his soul
in spite of his best efforts to disperse it. Trembling, he lowered his
head, raindrops dripping steadily from his beard into his lap. It was
unreasonable to expect himself to deal instantly with the outcome of
pouring ten years' worth of re-evaluation and introspection into an
afternoon's meditation session. He must forgive himself for failing to
review his actions and choices objectively for so long. He must persist in
his attempts to purge the shadow from his soul gradually.
He must follow the will of the Force, whatever it demanded of him.
The rain slowed, flowing over his face like tears, then stopped. He
shifted on the hard stone that supported him, easing his chilled bones.
Gentle breezes moved about his body and the slow heat of the reappearing
sun began to draw steam from his clothing, drying him.
Something had changed inside him this afternoon, and in changing himself,
he had subtly altered the bond that lay between himself and Kenobi, the
powerful energies in the vicinity of the temple reinforcing the currents
that twined between them. Carefully Qui-Gon closed additional shields
around his mind, damping the resonance to a reasonable level.
If he had not left his commlink in his cloak at the foot of the temple,
Qui-Gon would have been tempted to discuss the results of his
soul-searching with Yoda. However, he steeled himself against the pain of
his guilt and shame over his own folly and remained where he was. He would
have to confront his responsibility for his own actions, no matter how hard
it might be. It would be unfair to burden his injured Master, who had
tried to steer him aright from the first and who had never lost faith and
love for him in spite of his willful stubbornness.
He lay back across the obsidian altar, parting his wet clothing to let the
sun shine on his chest and belly. Obi-Wan had lain here waiting for him
with the same unyielding stone against back and hips. Now he lay here
himself, equally unsure what the future might bring, an impending sacrifice
to the will of the Force.
It was several hours yet till dusk, so he relaxed and fell asleep, warmed
and lulled by the radiant energy of the sun soaking into the glossy black
stone beneath him.
Qui-Gon roused himself when the sun sank low and eased up from his hard
bed. The heat of the jungle sun and stone had partly dried his garments
and he felt refreshed, though stiff. Easing himself down from the altar,
he felt a touch of shame-- whether or not he had been the Livantanerai,
napping on a sacred religious symbol was not socially sensitive behavior
for a Jedi to indulge.
He made his way down from the temple, shouldering into his cloak and
sitting down to wait, slightly chilled by the lengthening shadow of the
structure and the remaining dampness of his clothing.
Before long the Rilvani and their guests approached, winding through the
forest bearing smoky torches. Obi-Wan and the High Priestess headed the
procession. He moved out to meet them, unsure of protocol until an acolyte
stepped aside, creating a position for him in line directly behind them.
The Livans led several herd-beasts in the midst of the line and, when they
stopped, preparations began to fill ancient, blackened fire-pits with wood
and the beasts were quickly and humanely slaughtered and prepared for
roasting.
Obi-Wan caught Qui-Gon's eye and gestured to a small knot of Livan families
who stood apart from the others, uneasily commingling with the Livan and
Torehiri children Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had already recruited. "The
candidates I selected," he pointed out quietly. "Fifteen of them. They
all have midichlorian counts over nine thousand."
"Impressive," Qui-Gon murmured, and meant it. The children would in all
likelihood become powerful Jedi one day.
"We could take dozens more, had we space in the transport or the crèche,"
Obi-Wan murmured. "The Force runs strong in the Livan people. I picked
only the strongest."
"We would not wish to deplete the population of its Livantani," Qui-Gon
agreed, gazing at the busy throng.
"Should I not have chosen so many or only the most powerful?" There was a
bite to Obi-Wan's words, and Qui-Gon shrugged, noncommittal. Obi-Wan's
mission, Obi-Wan's choice. He did not think the Knight had erred far on
either one side or the other. Livan families typically had several
children and there would probably be more strong Force-users in the
age-group immediately older and younger those they had taken.
"Do you doubt your own judgment?" Qui-Gon glanced at the younger man. "Do
you feel that the Force led you in your selection?"
Obi-Wan hesitated. "I chose arbitrarily, based on strength alone."
"It is a solution often followed in recruiting initiates." Qui-Gon nodded.
"Attempts to read auras can mislead. Always in motion--"
"--is the future," Obi-Wan finished tartly, supplying the remainder of
Yoda's proverb. He seemed edgy, unnerved. Qui-Gon wondered if it was the
weariness of his day's work, or something more.
"How did you spend the afternoon?" Obi-Wan questioned him abruptly. "I saw
you leave the slide. Where did you go?" The question was aggressive, as
though Obi-Wan already guessed its answer.
"You had things well in hand. I returned here to meditate on the events
that occurred while--"
"Here? You mean there," Obi-Wan interrupted, nodding toward the temple,
lifting his chin slightly to indicate its top. Firelight reflected in his
eyes with an angry gleam. His very aura thrummed with negative emotions:
anger, fear, resentment. Pain.
Qui-Gon subsided with a quiet nod and let silence change the subject as he
turned his gaze to watch flames licking around the meat that turned on
crude spits. It would be a primitive meal with few amenities, meat seared
but only half-cooked. What mattered was that it would be savored and
shared in company of friends and kin. He looked askance at Obi-Wan, who
seemed alien and remote, his young weary face all planes and angles
sculpted in gold velvet and ebony shadow. Friends and kin? Well, at least
that held true for the Livans. A stab of pain wrung his heart. How could
he have allowed himself to weaken and begin to love this man? How could he
ever stop now that he had begun?
After a time he rose to move away casually, tucking his cold hands into his
sleeves and stepping forward, nearer the cook-fire. Juices from the
cooking meat sizzled in the flames, and the sweet smell of burning tickled
his nostrils.
A shadow darted in front of him and his arms shot out swiftly, catching the
child up and hoisting her into his arms. "You must take care, Taritha," he
admonished her gently. "You would be badly hurt if you fell into the
flames." He glanced worriedly about for others who might be in danger, but
he found the remainder of their charges still scattered among the Livan
families who were preparing to give up their own children.
Unaware of Kenobi's eyes upon him, he hoisted Taritha to his shoulder and
steadied her there. He stepped back as one roasted herd-beast was lowered
from the spit to a bed of fresh leaves and carved. Livans began to gather
in line, waiting to be served, and the High Priestess ushered Obi-Wan
forward to join Qui-Gon at the head of the line.
"Jedi live to serve the people." Qui-Gon bowed his head. "Let us be fed
last."
The High Priestess leaned on her staff. "The Jedi honor us," she returned
politely. "We ask that our Jedi guests represent the Livan people in
offering to the Land. Would you carry our bounty and present it to them?"
Two acolytes moved in front of Obi-Wan, proffering a wooden dish that held
the choice organs of one herd-beast, roasted and garnished with leaves and
flowers.
Amazingly, Obi-Wan stepped back, dropping his eyes. "With respect,
Livantan, I have already made my sacrifice to your gods." The negative
emotions Qui-Gon had sensed earlier abruptly peaked, fear darkening the
young Jedi's aura like an eclipse. He glanced toward the top of the temple
and then jerked his eyes away as though he could not bear to let them rest
on the sight of the altar where Qui-Gon had taken him.
The gathering fell silent with collective shock, only the snapping and
settling of the fires breaking the stillness. Overcoming his own surprise,
Qui-Gon stepped forward hastily, filling the breach. "And I have not made
mine. I would be honored to offer up this sacrifice to the Land." He
removed Taritha carefully from his shoulder and handed her to Obi-Wan, who
took her without meeting his eyes.
"Livantanerai--" the High Priestess gave him his ill-deserved title,
dithering with dismay. "It is your place to accept sacrifice, not to offer
it..."
"I am not the Land, merely its chosen servant," Qui-Gon raised his voice
slightly that all might hear over the nervous murmur that had arisen at his
words. "And so I serve the Land, as the Livans should, and as
Livantanerai, I serve the Livans, as the Land should." He reached and
took the wide platter carefully. "Let the circle be made complete." He
turned and started up the stone steps, not without a few hard thoughts
about the young Knight's clumsy and impolitic refusal.
Another startled murmur from the assembled crowd swelled raggedly into a
triumphal shout. The High Priestess gave a call and the multitude slowly
fell into synch, a thousand throats producing an eerie, throbbing chant.
The tempo of the chant quickened as Qui-Gon climbed, and Qui-Gon felt the
Force stir in response to the mass call. So many people, gifted with Force
but untrained... each one could only barely affect the Force alone, but
together they were unimaginably powerful.
Their call wove into the elements around them and the volatile air
responded, sweeping through the leaves of the tree-canopy and whipping at
the cook-fires with a roar that Qui-Gon could hear even over the mingled
voices of the chant and the pounding of the hide drums. The air currents
they had summoned curled around the temple, washing around his body and
lifting his cloak. He began to wonder if he had been altogether wise
accepting this duty; would the High Priestess have intended a sacrifice of
life as well as one of food and drink?
More power swelled from the gathering below, drawing winds in from the four
points of the compass. The air roared and sobbed over the tree canopy and
wound into itself to whirl around the altar, a Force vortex of power not
unlike the one he had summoned to heal the reef. Qui-Gon hesitated,
wondering how much control the hundreds of untrained minds held over what
they had summoned. His steps slowed, but he proceeded.
The greedy tendrils of power and wind licked at him hungrily, tangling
around him, teasing at him, ghosts of memory and power... the Force
recognized him as its own, knew him as the Avatar, the Livantanerai. He
faltered, reaching to brace himself against the stone, feeling the power
pluck at his mind. But this time... this time, there was a strong beacon
inside himself, a reason to resist the power and remain Qui-Gon Jinn. He
reached for it, letting its touch drive back the primal elemental will.
There might be consequences, the bond might strengthen as a result, but he
would have to deal with that later. Firmly anchored by his bond with
Obi-Wan, he resumed his progress upward, approaching the altar with
caution.
The tug of the wailing winds and the siren-song of the Living Force curled
around him, threatening to lift him from his feet as he leaned forward
cautiously and slid the platter onto the altar at the base of the vortex.
It was whirled upward and away, immediately lost in the tempest: the Force
accepted the Livans' offering. The lure of the power and the residue of
the Avatar were almost overwhelming, scouring at his mind and his resolve.
As he faltered before them, the strength of the wind threatened to sweep
him away, to take him as part of the offering. If he lifted his arms and
stepped forward, it would take him too, take him and bear him up inside
itself, transmute him into the embodiment of its power once more... but the
Livans were not alone in summoning Force. Even as the wind whipped around
him to lift him free, its power driving tears from his eyes and stinging
his skin with fine grit, he felt Obi-Wan's strength extended toward him,
holding his feet firmly in place on the stone.
Obi-Wan. Yes.
Qui-Gon stepped back cautiously. The chant, which had been masked by the
howling winds, changed and began to fade to a sober, reverent finish. The
wash of power slowly receded in time with it, dispersing the winds that had
taken the Livans' offering. He did not look back toward the altar as he
made his way down the stone stair. Instead he focused on his bond with
Obi-Wan, luxuriating in the wrapping of Force that the young Knight
maintained around him protectively, ready to hold him steady even as the
winds that teased at his hair and robes fell to a gentle breeze and then
died.
His foot touched the ground, and the chant ended like a dream vanishes into
waking. Qui-Gon gazed about himself disoriented by the sudden absence of
Force-power, feeling a surreal quality in the scene that surrounded him.
It felt as though he had been gone for many years and suddenly found
himself returned to a particular moment in his past, ready to re-live a
life misused.
He blinked away the sense of deja vu, reaching back to smooth his
wind-tossed hair. Obi-Wan stood nearby, shrouded in cloak and hood,
holding Taritha's tiny hand in his, not looking at Qui-Gon. He surrendered
the little girl to an acolyte and jerked his chin at Qui-Gon, demanding
that they confer. The two Jedi stepped back from the feasting. Obi-Wan
met Qui-Gon's gaze at last, his eyes flinty, opaque gray under his hood,
snapping furiously at Qui-Gon.
"You are a fool, Qui-Gon Jinn!" He barely managed to keep his voice to a
whisper. "Did you ever stop to think that the Living Force might try to
take you again?" Obi-Wan hissed. "I felt you-- you were forced to anchor
your mind against the Force energy-- and even then the vortex would have
dragged you away if I hadn't held you there! What if you had failed? What
more do you owe these people, Qui-Gon? What more do I owe them? We very
nearly gave our lives--"
"We are Jedi," Qui-Gon interrupted him fiercely. "Sworn to service. Their
good comes before our own, and if the Force requires our sacrifice, we are
bound to give it freely. They have given us-- you-- their children! How
would you repay them? With rudeness, by flouting all that they believe
in?"
"I should have gone," Obi-Wan turned his back bitterly, words tumbling
forth angrily in self-recrimination. "What did it matter what it would
have cost me to go back up there again? It would have cost even more if--"
he fell silent abruptly, as though realizing he still spoke aloud.
Qui-Gon drew a sharp breath, intrigued by the words. Did Obi-Wan mean a
cost to the Livans and Torehiri, or a cost to himself? There was no way to
determine. "If...?" He reached and grasped Obi-Wan's shoulder, was
shrugged away fiercely. "If the Force had taken me again?"
The angry silence and the stubborn straightness of Obi-Wan's spine would
have to be answer enough. "Obi-Wan, I would not have expected you to
sacrifice yourself for me again," Qui-Gon murmured softly. "I never asked
for your sacrifice in the first place."
"Nor did you accept it." The bitter words stung Qui-Gon. "But you need
not fear. What I did was for them, not for you. I know my duty." Obi-Wan
filled his lungs deeply, his shoulders rising and chest swelling as he
struggled to regain his composure.
"We should leave this place as soon as the feast is done," Qui-Gon murmured
neutrally, not knowing what else to say.
"Then I must complete my business here." Obi-Wan walked away without
further comment. Qui-Gon watched him go with renewed surprise and a flare
of pain, almost reaching to catch Kenobi's arm, but he stopped himself. He
could say no more to comfort the Knight, and he had business of his own to
attend among the Rilvani.
Even now the High Priestess was approaching, gazing worriedly after
Obi-Wan. "Is Jedi Kenobi well?"
Qui-Gon nodded a reassurance, smiling at her formal use of the term 'Jedi.'
"He regrets the necessity for his absence, but there is business elsewhere
that he must complete." He hoped the simple words would be enough to
satisfy both protocol and concern.
She hesitated, gazing up into Qui-Gon's eyes. "It is not my place to
interfere, Livantanerai." She inclined her head diffidently. "But I
feel responsible for the distress my request has caused. Jedi Kenobi..."
she hesitated. "I glimpsed his face as he watched you climb. I think if
you had not come down from the temple, he would never have forgiven himself
for failing to go in your stead." She shook her head. "When he offered
his body to appease the Land, I had not realized things stood as they do
between you. I regret having caused discord between you tonight."
Qui-Gon felt himself draw back instinctively from the emotional content of
her words, retreating into the shadow of his cowl, and she shook her head,
reaching to take his arm. "Pardon my rough ways, Jedi Master Jinn," she
articulated his proper title carefully. "I should not have spoken."
Qui-Gon realized that her sudden use of his formal title represented a
potential alienation between himself and the Rilvani and the possibility
disturbed him. "Your words cause no offense, Livantan." Qui-Gon bowed
to her respectfully. "Obi-Wan's sacrifice was as you believed it to be,"
he hastened to assure her. "He did what he did to serve your people, not
out of love for me."
She blinked, surprised. "These motives do not exclude one another, and
neither diminishes his sacrifice in our eyes," she responded, reassuring
him in turn. "And... your pardon, Jedi Master Jinn, but I believe you are
mistaken."
Qui-Gon lifted his gaze to hers, startled, warily searching her
smoke-bleared eyes and finding certainty there. He glanced into the night,
eyes following the path Kenobi had taken. Could it be true? His heart
surged with painful hope, but he instinctively clamped down tight on the
troubled emotion. There was duty to be done.
"Come, Livantanerai," the High Priestess invited him gently, returning to
the more familiar form of address. "All have been served now but you.
Bless my people with your presence at our celebration." He inclined his
head and offered her his arm, letting her guide him to his place.
Qui-Gon spent the rest of the evening engaged in surprisingly pleasant
diplomatic responsibilities, wondering what Obi-Wan might be doing. Since
he had abandoned the Knight to his tasks during the afternoon, however,
Qui-Gon tried not to begrudge Obi-Wan's absence.
When the time came for the festivities to end, the Livans brought fourteen
of the promised children to Qui-Gon. The parents gazed at him with
ill-concealed awe and more than a touch of fear. Only one less than
promised-- it was a better-than-good average, and they were already in
custody of many more children than Obi-Wan had been instructed to gather
when he departed from Coruscant. Qui-Gon was pleased, and hoped that
Kenobi would be as well.
His time as Livantanerai had earned him the awe and respect of the
Rilvani and other Livan tribes, but the parents who had let Obi-Wan test
and accept their children gazed about, looking for him nervously, feeling
the need for the continuity his presence would represent. Qui-Gon sighed
and hurried the proceedings subtly. The children sensed their parents'
concern and were nervous already; only the presence of their new-found
playmates who had already entered the custody of the Jedi kept them from
panicking. As for their parents, the presence of the smiling High
Priestess and her obvious faith in Qui-Gon worked to calm their fears.
In the end, the children's youthful innocence and the prospect of fun with
new friends combined to allow the partings to occur without serious
incident. Qui-Gon was glad of that, gently soothing a sniffling child in
one arm while speaking a few words of calming reassurance to her nervous
parents before ascending the ramp with his small mob of new initiates.
He heard the boarding ramp lower only a few minutes after he had settled in
with their new charges and glanced up as Obi-Wan walked in leading a little
girl by the hand. He was carrying a tiny babe in the crook of his arm.
Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows inquisitively, surprised that the Knight was
not returning alone.
"He wasn't brought for testing." Obi-Wan lifted his arm slightly to
indicate who he meant and released the little girl with a gentle nudge
toward the squirming mass of candidates who were ranged around Qui-Gon in a
disorderly knot, playing with toys that had been provided for their
amusement on the voyage back to Coruscant. "His parents are very poor.
When his sister qualified, they asked if I would take his count as well."
He adjusted the blankets around the baby gently. "He scored a bit lower
than she did, but well within the acceptable range." Obi-Wan hesitated,
casting a quick glance toward Qui-Gon as though he feared the Jedi Master's
condemnation. "He has fourteen siblings. The family can barely feed
itself."
Qui-Gon nodded. It was unusual to take two children from a single family,
but he found that he trusted Obi-Wan's judgment on the matter. He had seen
the living conditions among the Rilvani and could understand such a large
and poor family's wish for its youngest members to have a better life than
their culture could offer.
"It is not common for such a young babe to enter the order, but it is not
unheard of." He got to his feet and moved near Obi-Wan, gazing down into
the clear violet eyes of the young child. The baby's lashes were so pale
they seemed white. Qui-Gon lightly tickled the child's soft cheek with his
callused fingertip and the baby squirmed, its mouth falling open in a
toothless gurgle of happiness.
"I was only a baby when the Jedi took me from my parents. I don't remember
them." Obi-Wan did not lift his head, but the tips of his ears reddened
slightly, and he stepped around Qui-Gon, walking further into the
dormitory. "We should get back to the capital as quickly as possible."
Qui-Gon nodded. "Yoda transmitted that the wedding has been tentatively
rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Then we will depart for Juyoren." His
gaze held a question that his voice did not.
Obi-Wan glanced up at him, eyes opaque, expression too smooth. "As the
Force wills it," he spoke calmly.
Choosing to accept that answer for the moment, Qui-Gon nodded politely and
moved into the cockpit to prepare for lift-off.
After the autopilot was engaged and the children settled, Obi-Wan took his
leave and closed himself inside his cabin. Qui-Gon hesitated, one eye on
the children and one on his own cabin door, but he was not really weary.
He settled for leaving the dormitory open and, keeping half an ear tuned
for noise from the children, he settled into the pilot's seat to meditate.
Obi-Wan's distress at his company had been apparent off and on throughout
the mission, but their return to Rilvan had brought it to an unexpected
peak. And there were the High Priestess's words to consider.
Even now, while the Knight was sleeping, Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan's fears
keenly through the incipient bond and was ashamed of his part in having
caused them.
Sinking into the Force, he worked to accept his shame, letting it merge
with the energies that filled and surrounded him. The Living Force
embraced him gently, helping him re-channel the negative emotion. His
trance deepened and, perhaps as a result of his link to Obi-Wan, he
experienced a rare moment of clarity and deep connection to the Unifying
Force. Even as he identified it, Qui-Gon felt his vague sense of the
future come alive. His destiny was shifting mysteriously into some
entirely new course.
Clearly he had been wrong. About a great many things, most particularly
about how he should react to Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Qui-Gon stirred, feeling Obi-Wan's destiny twining with his inescapably in
many paths of the possible future. Their journey was just begun. It would
be made easier if he could bring himself to make amends for his behavior.
He owed it to Kenobi to give him the credit he deserved, and to come to
terms with his own feelings for the young Knight.
Qui-Gon sighed, trying to achieve equanimity with the subtle pressure to
release his destiny to the Force and trust wholeheartedly in its outcome.
His own reluctant emotions made that very difficult to do. Love. It was a
terrifying prospect, one that should be out of the question. Even if
Qui-Gon's own ineptitude had not already damaged their relationship beyond
repair, Obi-Wan was very nearly young enough to be his grandson. Too much
separated them; too much time and rank and cruelty and pain.
Love. The word created a terrible hollow ache in his soul. At his age, he
had lived too long and experienced pain too frequently not to recognize
that ache as the mixture of desperate craving and terrible fear it was. To
love and be loved...
Neither he nor Obi-Wan were ready for such a step. However, the young
Knight had once offered him respect and friendship. Now Qui-Gon was
finally prepared to offer those things to Obi-Wan in return. It was
clearly the will of the Force that Qui-Gon accept Obi-Wan and form a team
partnership with the young Knight. He hoped that Kenobi was still willing
to give him the chance to prove that he was worthy of trust.
Feeling a sense of painful and inevitable completion to his train of
thought, the Jedi Master opened his eyes, withdrawing from his
introspective trance and composing himself carefully. Much had changed for
him since he set forth on this short journey with Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The path the Living Force had set before him was a difficult one, and he
understood the first step upon it would be deeply humiliating. There were
many pitfalls awaiting him as well-- his mind still instinctively shied
away from love and trust, and he was ashamed by the knowledge that he was
preparing to burden such a fine young Knight with a bitter old fool like
himself as a partner. But the Force had shown him the consequences of his
willful arrogance and he must repent and follow its guidance instead of his
pride and fear, or he would hurt young Kenobi all the more.
And that, he reflected as rose and quietly made his way toward the
dormitory to check the initiates, was one thing he had no desire left in
him to do.
He paused outside Kenobi's door, touching his fingertips briefly to the
cold metal of the hatch that excluded him from the young man's quarters,
then ghosted silently into the dormitory, re-tucking blankets and soothing
restless sleep where needed. Soon enough they would be in the capital and
then he could begin to make things right.
Yoda was awaiting them on the landing platform when they arrived in the
capital. Leaning heavily on his stick, he climbed the ramp slowly. He
lowered his voice for the benefit of the sleeping initiates.
"Linger on Torehir we may not," he admonished quietly as soon as they had
exchanged brief pleasantries, his hand fidgeting with a length of pale
cloth bandage that wound around his small ribcage, holding healing herbs
against a partly-healed cracked rib. "Already too much time has passed."
"Qui-Gon told me of the trouble on Juyoren," Obi-Wan bowed deferentially to
his tiny Master.
"Will you accept the mission?" Yoda lifted sleepy eyes to the young
Knight's face, and Qui-Gon felt himself grow still, listening intently
without appearing to.
"Master, I..." Obi-Wan hesitated, glancing at Qui-Gon with swift, nervous
eyes. He hesitated, visibly reminding himself of his duty. "Yes, my
Master." The words were subdued, though perfectly polite.
"Good, good." Yoda nodded decisively. "Decided it is, that you and
Qui-Gon will undertake the mission to Juyoren." Glancing between them, the
elder Jedi looked pleased and relieved. "Formalities must be observed.
The wedding will take place tomorrow. We leave the next morning, as
rapidly as politeness to the King and Queen allows, yes?" He regarded them
each in turn.
"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon spoke automatically, hearing Obi-Wan chorus the same
words almost in unison.
After a few moments of desultory conversation in which it was decided that
Obi-Wan would remain to tend the children, Qui-Gon accompanied Yoda into
the palace and then made his way to his solitary room.
He wakened early the next morning, unsure of his duties for the day. As
Livantanerai, he was respected in Rilvani, but the Torehiri, whose works
of civilization the Avatar had attempted to destroy, hardly shared the
opinion of the primitive Livan tribes. Qui-Gon suspected it would be best
to make himself scarce and let Obi-Wan and Yoda take over the remainder of
the diplomatic mission. He could make himself useful by watching over the
children and freeing Obi-Wan for more public activities.
Thus resolved, he made his way to the transport only to find it empty;
apparently Obi-Wan had taken the children to join the first group of
candidates in the nursery for breakfast. He made his own way down into the
domestic areas of the palace, following his innate sense of the young
Knight.
Arriving in a nursery dining room, he stood in the doorway and watched the
palace matrons working to feed their young charges with a minimum of mess.
There was a playroom adjacent to the dining area, and Obi-Wan stood there,
setting the container of milk he held on a counter and gently taking up the
youngest child they had recruited in one arm. It fussed, small delicate
hands waving in the air like tiny pale spiders, curling around the Jedi's
fingers.
Obi-Wan smiled, letting the baby suck at the tip of his least finger,
moving to a cabinet where its food and clothing was stored and hooking his
boot in the handle of the door, levitating out a bottle. Qui-Gon stepped
quietly into the room, past the melee of the older children's breakfast,
and plucked the bottle out of midair, filling it and placing it in the
warmer.
Obi-Wan rounded his shoulders on the older Jedi, turning away and directing
all his attention toward the baby cradled in his arm. It fussed louder and
the young Knight began to sing softly, a lullaby in a language Qui-Gon
didn't know. His voice was untrained but pleasant, the Jedi Master
decided, watching Obi-Wan glide a few steps away. And he had a gift with
children.
Qui-Gon glanced at the matrons and their merry charges, but none seemed
aware of him and Obi-Wan, the adults busily spooning food into tiny mouths.
"I haven't yet thanked you properly for what you did to save me," he heard
the somber words emerge from himself with something akin to surprise. "I
was not at my best that night, and I spoke to you with more cruelty than
honesty." His tone was a little too harsh, but the confession was painful
for him. He wrapped his arms around himself, inside the sleeves of his
cloak, as was his custom. His words were true, coming deep from his own
sense of honesty and remorse at the pain he had caused the young Knight,
Furthermore, the bond demanded them, dragging them forth in spite of
Qui-Gon's shame and his fears. "I deeply regret that you were forced to
endure both the Avatar's physical abuse and my own harsh words." He
managed the words more gracefully this time.
"It was my duty." Obi-Wan sounded only half-interested, drifting toward the
emotional safety of the bustle in the next room, his eyes fixed on the baby
he held. "I did as the Force required. As any Jedi would have done."
Obi-Wan bent and brushed his lips over the child's forehead, crooning
softly to it as it grew even more fussy, smelling the scent of its warming
meal.
Qui-Gon opened the warmer and removed the bottle, testing its temperature,
then stepped around Obi-Wan to offer it. The young Jedi took it and
replaced his fingertip in the baby's mouth with the nipple. The child
settled immediately, sucking contentedly. Obi-Wan smiled down at it,
casually stepping away from Qui-Gon again.
The Jedi Master watched him, pained by the abrupt dismissal of his attempt
at apology, faintly tortured by the beauty of the younger man's profile and
the tenderness with which he held the child who had been given into his
care.
"You'll be wanted at the negotiations this morning, the wedding this
afternoon, and the formal reception this evening," Qui-Gon stated at last,
turning slightly aside himself, hoping that his hurt was not evident in his
eyes. "The Torehiri do not have faith in me any longer as a neutral
ambassador; we shall require your diplomatic abilities to fill the breach
my weakness has caused."
Obi-Wan looked up sharply. "You and Master Yoda won't be attending, then?"
"Yoda will doubtless attend the wedding and make an appearance at the
reception, but my diplomatic mission is yours to finish now, if you will."
Qui-Gon drew up his hood, the better to hide his discomfort. "If you are
troubled that you may be neglecting your responsibility to your charges, I
will watch over the children while you are busy with other duties."
"The matrons are supposed to care for the palace infants, but they should
be busy with wedding preparations and I had planned to dismiss them,"
Obi-Wan admitted absently, returning his eyes to the nursing child.
"Still, you needn't bother unless you wish to. They will stay if they are
needed."
"I would rather attend the reception and dance again with you," Qui-Gon
spoke without thinking, his voice very soft, his eyes averted, and he felt
himself redden with intense shame at the awkward expression of such a
deeply personal sentiment, unwanted by the man to whom it was offered. He
could feel Obi-Wan's response, a wild pang of erotic shock laced with deep
fear and confusion, rapidly tamped down and shielded. The Jedi Master
turned, hands falling on the rim of the empty cradle. "But instead, I
shall stay here and watch over the children."
He listened, motionless, forcing a tumult of conflicting emotions to
numbness while Obi-Wan took the emptied bottle from the baby's mouth and
patted the child over his shoulder until its stomach eased. Not looking at
Qui-Gon, the Knight laid the infant tenderly in its crib and pulled up the
blankets around it, brushing his fingertips over its small cheek. The baby
already slept, its trust in Obi-Wan's care perfect.
His excuse for inattention removed, Obi-Wan glanced up at Qui-Gon at last,
cautious evaluation in his expression as he attempted to divine the Jedi
Master's motives. Contrite, Qui-Gon smiled slightly at the young man,
trying to reassure him but feeling the awkwardness and unfamiliarity of the
expression. Embarrassment stirred in him as Obi-Wan merely raised a
doubtful brow very slightly in response. "I will return to relieve you
after the reception," the Knight stated with cool politeness, and stepped
out with a half-bow.
Distracted as he was by his own concerns, Obi-Wan felt inadequate to serve
as an effective mediator, but fortunately little effort was required. With
the threat of the Avatar neutralized and with the terrorist ringleader
identified, apprehended, and sentenced, the main points of contention
between the two factions were already settled.
After a few minor points regarding the extradition of two further Livan
terrorists were hammered out to the satisfaction of both sides, there was
little left to do other than observe ritual courtesies involving the
joining of two families via matrimony. Some minor debates arose between
Livan and Torehiri customs, but they were easily dealt with. Obi-Wan was
left with the impression that both sides wanted to see the wedding proceed
as smoothly and rapidly as possible.
As the respective kings delivered benevolent speeches demonstrating their
goodwill for the future of the young couple, Obi-Wan was finally free to
reconsider the events of the past few days. His thoughts were chaos,
dominated by confusion and dismay. As Yoda had predicted, Qui-Gon seemed
to regret his harshness on the night of the rescue, but Obi-Wan was not
sure how far he could trust Jinn's apparent repentance.
The man's new pleasantness only confused him further. Surely Jinn
remembered what the Avatar had said and done to Obi-Wan and knew what it
had dragged from his helpless mind. Could that information be the reason
why he was treating Obi-Wan more courteously now? Did he feel Obi-Wan was
too fragile to be dealt with honestly any longer? Or had Yoda dressed the
Jedi Master down and forced him to pretend to cordiality for the sake of
the Juyoren mission?
Obi-Wan could not be sure that he was correctly interpreting any of the
signs he thought he saw. There were too many variables to be confident in
any theory, not least of which was that damnable bond that had formed
between them. It was undoubtedly influencing both his own and the Jedi
Master's behavior against their wills.
In spite of Jinn's altered behavior, Obi-Wan could see only two things when
he looked at the older man. Foremost he saw the bitter, aloof person who
had rejected him so callously on so many occasions, and secondly he
remembered the indifferent and implacable menace of the Avatar. Neither
image was particularly reassuring, and he was unable to reconcile either
with the Qui-Gon who had accompanied him on the recruiting mission.
Obi-Wan sighed and returned his attention to the proceedings at hand.
After an hour of fanning the air with meaningless cordial speeches, the
Livans and Torehiri stood in accord that the ceremony should proceed
immediately. Obi-Wan stood at the head of the table with one hand on
Torvan's head and the other on Livarin's. He recited the same ritual
blessing of peace she had spoken to him on the shore so long ago, and with
his words the long-delayed wedding was set in motion. Obi-Wan suspected
that the factions' willingness to reconcile stemmed at least partly from a
desire to avoid repeating the necessary preparations for a third time at a
later date.
The wedding was lavish and interminable, as state weddings are, and no
flourish was spared despite the reduced number of guests. Livarin made a
beautiful bride, dainty and poised at Torvan's side, drawing on a seemingly
bottomless fount of energy as the wedding ended and the reception commenced
with a buffet luncheon.
Secondary ceremonies and rituals proceeded apace, stilted and formal
Torehiri custom and lighthearted Livan celebrations juxtaposed smoothly.
Together, the customary reception festivities lasted well into the evening.
The remains of the buffet luncheon were seamlessly replaced with a
sumptuous supper by servants who worked so smoothly as to be nearly
invisible. After most of the guests had finished eating, the ballroom
floor was cleared for dancing.
Yoda paid his respects to the married couple at the conclusion of the
feasting and excused himself, but Obi-Wan was trapped at the ball by the
necessity to serve in his capacity as diplomatic liaison, soothing wounded
tempers and tactfully satisfying inquisitive natures.
After accepting numerous congratulations on the success of his mission to
stop the Avatar and enduring a round of politely phrased but prying
inquiries regarding the cause of Qui-Gon's involvement in the debacle,
Obi-Wan recognized the opening strains of the dance Master Jinn had
demonstrated to him. Rather than embarrass himself later with his own
ignorance, he made polite excuses to escape from the dignitaries who
surrounded him. Courtesy mandated he request a dance with the new Queen
before the evening ended, and when he did so she accepted gracefully.
"Is Master Jinn well?" Livarin's voice was concerned, her intonation
meaningful. Like the others, she had heard confirmation of the Avatar's
identity.
"Quite well." Obi-Wan responded courteously. "He chose to stay and watch
the children in the nursery, so that I might have the honor and pleasure of
attending your wedding." A diplomatic answer, but the sobriety in her eyes
acknowledged that she was aware Qui-Gon would have been less welcome than
he should. Obi-Wan sighed. Clearly Livarin still admired the Jedi Master
intensely even after all that had been said and done; he ruefully hoped
that she and Torvan could make a success of their loveless marriage.
The music swelled, briefly preventing further conversation, and he swept
her into a pirouette, remembering the blessing she had whispered at the
ocean-side... a blessing that had been wasted on a relationship that was
misrepresented to her, one that had only worsened since then. He hoped
that it would prove more successful in casting fortunate omens on her
relationship than it had on his. Obi-Wan felt a brief pang of regret that
was swiftly overwhelmed and turned to pain by his ugly memories of what the
Avatar had said and done to him.
"Ah, your lover has arrived," Livarin murmured, making Obi-Wan blink with
surprise, stiffening as his memories faded. There was warmth in her voice,
but the title she gave Jinn was spoken a little ruefully. Rousing herself
from the moment of regret, she smiled at Obi-Wan, her eyes sparkling up
into his with pleasure. "Councilor Yoda has apparently accepted my request
that he relieve Master Jinn from his duties so that he might come to join
us for the end of the evening."
She sounded satisfied; Obi-Wan winced. He knew this dance was ending, knew
he was expected to go into Qui-Gon's arms: the one place he least... and
most... wanted to be. It was inevitable now that the man had come. When
the music finished he released the Queen, bowing to her politely and
returning her smile, lifting her hand to kiss her ring. "Your Majesty," he
bowed and turned away, already distracted.
Qui-Gon stood against the wall, head and shoulders above the Livan and
Torehiri courtiers who milled around him. He was cloaked but unhooded,
staring out a narrow-paned window into the gardens absently, arms folded
inside the sleeves of his robe. Obi-Wan reluctantly angled toward him
across the dance floor, feeling an almost magnetic compulsion moving his
feet. It was most frustrating-- he did not wish to be near Jinn, and yet
the incipient bond tugged at him with merciless persistence, particularly
when he was not preoccupied with other duties. Something made it nearly
impossible to avoid the man. He could neither stay away from Jinn nor stop
watching him, even in such a crowded room.
He settled to the wall hesitantly just out of arm's length from the older
man, resisting the impulse to stand closer. He reminded himself sternly
that it was not his own desire; it was merely the will of that unwanted
connection between himself and the older Jedi that had come into existence
the night the Avatar took him. Perhaps it had been brought about by their
position at the focus of the Force storm, or by Obi-Wan's efforts to anchor
Qui-Gon's consciousness so that the Avatar would disperse. Whatever had
caused it, the bond would have to be dissipated. They would have to
consult the Healers at the Jedi Temple for assistance as soon as they
could.
Obi-Wan swallowed, not wanting to relive the events of that terrible
evening when it had formed, and he felt Jinn's concerned eyes swing to him
inevitably as the agitation in his thoughts penetrated his shields. Jinn
glided near, closing the distance between them, and Obi-Wan shut his eyes,
swallowing a shiver of unease as the Master's large, callused hand rose and
fingertips grazed his temple lightly.
It was the first time they had touched skin to skin since Qui-Gon withdrew
himself from Obi-Wan's body atop the Rilvani temple. The resonance flared
wildly between them, triggering a wash of too many emotions to be analyzed,
Qui-Gon's spiritual presence striking Obi-Wan like the wavefront of an
explosion. "Please don't do that," Obi-Wan dropped his eyes and drew back,
sliding along the smooth marble wall. "I don't like for you to touch me."
Qui-Gon dropped his hand, a trace of hurt flickering in the deep-set eyes.
"I am sorry."
The last dance was beginning without them, and Obi-Wan wondered suddenly if
it would be even worse than dancing to spend the half-hour before the
reception ended in conversation with the Jedi Master. Perhaps it would be
best to get things out into the open immediately. "I think I understand
your wish for solitude now," Obi-Wan said, guided by his impulse. "I know
what you have tried to make me see all along, what I refused to accept. It
helped, what the Avatar told me of your private thoughts regarding me. You
needn't go out of your way to spare my feelings. As soon as we have
finished at Juyoren, we will see to having the connection between us
severed. You may go your way, and I will trouble you no more."
Qui-Gon's shoulders seemed to slump very slightly; he gazed intently at
Obi-Wan. "The Avatar was wrong, and so was I," he whispered. Obi-Wan did
not look at him, but then there was a rustle, and Qui-Gon's voice rose from
the level of his knees. "Knight Kenobi, I ask forgiveness. My words were
thoughtless and cruel, and I retract them fully. My actions were
ill-considered and reckless, and I shall endeavor to mend them. I acted
with conduct unbecoming a Jedi."
They were his own words, echoed from so long ago. The Knight's eyes jerked
around to the top of Qui-Gon's head. Master Jinn was kneeling fully before
him like a Padawan, bending his forehead to touch the stone deferentially.
His robes pooled gracefully around his body and his long, thick braid
trailed on the marble floor. Qui-Gon offered the ritual of apology to
Obi-Wan publicly-- choosing this forum was a tacit admission of the depth
of his shame. But the public nature of this apology also rendered it
manipulative, pressuring Obi-Wan to accept it.
"Get up!" Obi-Wan snapped, an irritable whisper. "What in the name of the
Sith do you think you're doing?"
"I hope to earn your trust," Qui-Gon responded simply, unmoving. "I offer
my respect and friendship."
Obi-Wan stared at him with confusion and embarrassment, conscious of a
growing number of eyes on them. He heard stillness fall gradually over the
huge room as the moment stretched, even the music from the orchestra fading
to discord and then silence as the musicians lost their concentration and
looked to discover why the crowd had ceased to dance.
He went to one knee suddenly, irritably, and took Qui-Gon's head in his
hands, steeling himself against the surge of physical and emotional
awareness that filled him when his skin touched the Jedi Master's. "Stand
before me. Let there be peace between us." The sharpness in his voice
held little promise for the sincerity of his words, and he chose the least
forgiving form for the completion of the ritual, but Qui-Gon raised himself
and the two Jedi stood face to face, reconciled in word if not in deed.
The curious crowd gradually returned to life around them, an interested
buzz of conversation swelling. Qui-Gon did not move away, gazing down into
his eyes, and Obi-Wan realized that his hands lingered on the older man's
face, fastened there by the almost electric connection that was flaring
between them. He could feel Qui-Gon's emotions, feel the other man's shame
and confusion. His pain. His contrition... and the sudden overwhelming
surge of his desire.
Obi-Wan swallowed, attempted to remove his hands, and watched as they
merely slid down the sharp-boned cheeks, fingertips wandering through the
short beard and onto the long neck, the thick rope of braided hair sliding
through the fingers of his left hand. He didn't want Qui-Gon's desire; he
didn't want his own-- particularly not after everything that had happened.
He reminded himself forcibly that he had permitted the Avatar to all but
rape him for Qui-Gon's sake and received precious little gratitude in
return. The man's very presence was a discomfort, reminding him inevitably
of the coldness Qui-Gon had displayed to him throughout his life,
especially after the rescue was finished. But all he could do was stand
there, feeling the roughness of hand-washed tunics against his skin, his
palms resting on Qui-Gon's chest. He stared into those indigo-blue eyes,
hypnotized, struggling to find words or to push Qui-Gon Jinn away.
He couldn't. The touching of skin to skin had catalyzed some unexpected
reaction between them. Ponderous and inexorable, it pressed forward now,
disregarding will and warning. Qui-Gon's hands came up slowly, fingertips
caressing the bones of his wrists, clasping his hands, thumbs sliding
gently into his palms. Obi-Wan swallowed hard, shaking his head in an
effort to clear it.
"Dance with me," Qui-Gon suggested very softly. "Will you, Knight Kenobi?"
Obi-Wan gave in numbly, his gaze dropping as he nodded. Shivering, he let
Qui-Gon lead him toward the dance floor to take their place in a line that
was just preparing to resume the aborted dance. As the conductor
re-started the music, he felt the warm strong arms enclose him tenderly.
It was a slow, meditative dance, warm and sensual, designed for the
closeness of lovers.
He trembled as Qui-Gon drew him softly against his tall, solid body. No.
No. But Force, it was impossible to resist; Qui-Gon wasn't responsible for
the insane compulsion that they both felt to close the distance between
them. It was the Force that twined around them and bound them together,
born of their confrontation at the temple and strengthening in shadow every
day since... Obi-Wan felt himself involuntarily snuggle close against the
broad chest, frustration and lust and confusion cresting in him.
"We must overcome our differences and learn to work together for a time
yet, Knight Kenobi," Qui-Gon murmured apologetically. "It is the will of
the Force. I regret that you do not wish it," the Jedi Master's voice was
sober. "I did not wish for the Force to master me either, and yet it would
not let me escape." He lifted Obi-Wan's cold, tense hand and kissed his
knuckle softly. "The Force has taught me that I was wrong about many
things." He released Obi-Wan's hand and pressed his cheek to the Knight's
hair. His lips brushed Obi-Wan's ear-- accidentally?-- and the young man
shuddered with terrible longing.
"No," he whispered, shaking his head against Qui-Gon's shoulder. "It isn't
a good idea for us to work together now, not as we are. We should return
to Coruscant immediately and consult the mind-healers..." his words were in
vain. He could not release Qui-Gon and his body would not listen as he
demanded that it ignore their proximity; his penis urgently firmed against
his thigh when Qui-Gon pulled him still closer.
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon sighed huskily into his ear, nuzzling the rough beard
against him lightly, and the young Jedi shivered again, an irresistible,
bone-deep tremor. Their closeness was driving him slowly insane; the
neglected, denied bond between them had developed an iron will all its own
and he was helpless to resist it.
"I have wronged you so often. Forgive me." Jinn's voice trailed off into
a low, anguished groan. "How I need you..." his words were a broken gasp.
He tugged Obi-Wan out of the mass of dancing couples and led him up the
wide stair, certainly not in the direction of the nursery or the Knight's
solitary pallet in the transport. No, Qui-Gon was leading him toward the
room they had once shared, the room Qui-Gon now occupied alone.
This was madness. His entire being burned simultaneously with fear,
reluctance, and overwhelming need. The Force-binding between himself and
Qui-Gon acted on Obi-Wan like an irresistible aphrodisiac, utterly
disregarding his attempts to control it. The young Jedi Knight obeyed
Jinn's guiding arm in a daze, struggling against the Force that bound them,
trying frantically to center himself and failing in desperation.
As Qui-Gon paused to unlock his door, Obi-Wan managed to regain sufficient
self-control to clutch at a last, fading hope. Unable to master himself,
he buried his head in the tall Jedi's shoulder again, his entire body tense
and trembling. "You can take me if you will," his voice quavered, almost
inaudible. "I cannot stop you, cannot stop myself. But I do not like you,
Qui-Gon Jinn. I do not trust you, and I do not wish to be made your
lover."
Broad hands stilled on his back and he felt Qui-Gon's breath catch
painfully in his chest. He was held close for a long moment, and then the
tall Jedi released him, taking a half-step back. The deep-set eyes were
shadowed and Qui-Gon visibly struggled with his composure in the face of
the blunt rejection. Obi-Wan could understand why; the separation hurt
dreadfully and he ached to close the gap again, but he held himself rigidly
still, waiting in agony to see what Qui-Gon would say and do.
"I am sorry." The Jedi Master's voice was hoarse with pain. He reached to
the coded lock, shaking fingers working the keys. "I had not meant for
this to happen..." Qui-Gon shivered and took a step back as Obi-Wan
involuntarily swayed toward him. He reached to push Obi-Wan away with an
agonized twitch of his muscles. "Perhaps we should consult separately with
Yoda regarding observations he has made of this... phenomenon... that is
affecting us." The door slid open and he lunged inside as though forcing
himself to enter fire.
"Yes," Obi-Wan breathed, slumping against the wall for balance. He held
himself there, poised on a razor's edge between relief and anguish. It was
all that he could do to continue fighting his body, which wanted to pursue
Jinn inside, wanted to push the handsome Jedi Master to his back on the
wide bed they had once shared and cover him-- . He gulped, shoving that
image away with all his strength before he could topple through the doorway
to join the other man. "I think that would be wise," he breathed, his
voice cracking with strain.
"Good night," Qui-Gon whispered, and with a clumsy jerk he palmed the door
shut between them. Obi-Wan hesitated, wavering indecisively before he took
a slow step away. The air felt almost like clinging stone around his body,
but he forced himself to take another step and yet another, until he was
trotting down the hall toward the nursery and his waiting Master.
When he arrived Yoda was gazing alertly at the door, and as Obi-Wan entered
he felt his Master's psychic shields engulf him mercifully, cutting him off
from the remnants of the bond's compulsion. "Thank you," Obi-Wan managed
to whisper, mindful of the sleeping children, lifting a shaking hand to
wipe perspiration from his brow.
"Release your fear," Yoda ordered sternly. "To the Dark Side it will lead
you. Kneel, Obi-Wan." He stepped forward as the young Knight obeyed,
trembling. "Qui-Gon is clumsy," Yoda sighed. "Impulsive and awkward. But
he means well." His hands touched either side of his former padawan's
face. "Begin the release meditation."
The Knight obeyed, trying to draw his jangling emotions together. Yoda
soothed him, thumbs stroking gently at his temples, injecting calming
tendrils of peace into his mind. "Rise above," Yoda murmured, approving.
"Calm. Your fear is a mist, a fog that obscures the Force. Let it sink
beneath you. Good." Yoda's voice lulled him, soothing him, helping him to
center himself in peace. "Feel it recede from you. Feel the Force replace
it. Yes." Yoda paused as Obi-Wan centered. "Now extend the Force...
disperse the fear. Like a breeze dispelling the mist." Yoda's chin tipped
with satisfaction, his eyes sliding shut. "Now. Tell me, Obi-Wan. What
remains?"
Obi-Wan floated in the peace of the Force, free of the pressure of the bond
that tied him to Qui-Gon, safe and protected amidst the aura of his old
master.
"I distrust Qui-Gon because the rules of interacting with him are never the
same," Obi-Wan mused. "He changes them to protect himself. Now it seems
that all the rules have changed again, and I do not know where I stand. I
believe that if I renew my efforts to find a place to stand in relation to
him, he will only change them again. The closer I let myself stand to him,
the worse I will be hurt when he changes."
"Mmmm." Yoda nodded. "Much fear has Qui-Gon, also. Perhaps the same
fears apply to him, hmm?"
Obi-Wan blinked, considering. "Perhaps." He focused on his mentor's face
as Yoda's eyes also opened. "Do you think he is looking for a place to
make a stand, Master?"
"Qui-Gon has long despaired of finding firm ground on which to stand," Yoda
explained softly. "Failure haunts him, and he flees from it. Years ago he
placed all his faith in Xanatos, who betrayed him and turned." Yoda
hesitated, shaking his head sorrowfully. "Perhaps one day someone will be
strong enough to stop his running, make him face his fear and overcome it.
When he learns that all faith and trust is not folly, then he will know
where he may stand firm. He will not run again after that, I think."
Obi-Wan hesitated. "You think I am the one who is meant to reach him,
don't you."
"Difficult to tell." Yoda's eyes were soft with compassion, and he touched
Obi-Wan's hair gently where the padawan braid had once hung. "Do not
listen to your fears, Obi-Wan, or follow Qui-Gon's path you will. Close
yourself away, and you will grow cold, untrusting, and bitter. Open your
heart and the Force will guide you."
Obi-Wan rose, glancing unconsciously over his shoulder in the direction of
Qui-Gon's rooms. "I promise that I will do my best to give Qui-Gon another
chance, Master, but I cannot begin by becoming his lover. Trust must come
first." He met Yoda's eyes earnestly, imploring him to understand.
Yoda nodded with disappointed agreement, his ear-tips drooping slightly.
"Unfortunate it is that dispersing the Avatar hastened the formation of the
pair-bond between you. Too early it is for that. Neither of you are
ready." He sighed and turned his back, moving to the side of a stirring
child and stroking her brow, easing her rest.
"Pair-bond?" Obi-Wan repeated, dismayed. "Hastened? Then it existed
before..." he trailed to a halt, struggling to incorporate the new
information.
Yoda looked back at him, faintly nodding a solemn confirmation. "Bonded
you have been to Qui-Gon Jinn since Bandomeer, Obi-Wan, though the bond lay
silent between you for many years. A difficult path lies before you, young
one." He tilted his head up to gaze at the knight. "Remember your
promise."
Yoda came to Qui-Gon's room before dawn, the hooded figure of Obi-Wan at
his heels. Qui-Gon bade them enter, looking nervously at Kenobi, sensing
the diminished resonance between them. Obi-Wan was shielding from him with
new intensity, his mind clamped tight-shut with a level of control that a
Master might have envied.
By contrast, Yoda was intently focused on Qui-Gon, wearing a no-nonsense
expression, his energies directed outward. Qui-Gon winced slightly,
recognizing his old Master's mood. When he was thus, it was best to listen
and agree. When such a mood struck him, Yoda could be as implacable as the
forward march of time.
"A bond there is," the Councilor stated without preamble. "A pair-bond,
growing between you. Severed it might yet be, by healers at the temple."
The small Master glanced at Obi-Wan, who accepted the words without the
faintest flicker of surprise, then returned his attention to Qui-Gon.
"Determined, we have, that Obi-Wan opened the connection by drawing your
mind to his as he worked to help you escape the Avatar. It is responsible
for his success and your return."
Qui-Gon darted a swift glance at Obi-Wan to gauge his reaction, but the
younger man stood impassive. Of course he'd already discussed this with
Yoda, this knowledge was not new to him. He returned his attention to
their master's words.
"If you so wish, you may be able to resist completing the bond for a time,
using concentration and control," Yoda continued, moving his gaze between
them for a second time. "Deny it, reject it, and it will continue between
you in its current state, unless circumstances trigger its completion.
Once you have accepted the bond, then it will be harder to deny, harder to
break. Perhaps impossible."
"Such circumstances..." Qui-Gon hesitated. "They include intimate physical
contact." It was not a question.
"Yes." Yoda confirmed with a curt nod. "Any physical contact has the
potential to stir the bond, as you have discovered." His ear flicked back
unconsciously toward Obi-Wan, the source of his information, and Yoda
looked thoughtfully up at Qui-Gon. "You will not be able to prevent its
completion if sexual intimacy occurs between you, I think. Pair-bond, by
nature, requires that connection for completion. You will continue to
experience pressure to consummate it." He was matter-of-fact and
unembarrassed by his words, but Qui-Gon detected a flicker of discomfort
from Obi-Wan, the first perceptible crease in the Knight's near-perfect
shields. He tucked his hands into his own tunic-sleeves defensively,
half-turning to face the window, where the horizon had begun to brighten
with the coming dawn.
"A pair-bond." Qui-Gon murmured the words slowly. It was even more
serious than he had thought, though last night's events had increased his
suspicions. Such things typically only formed in cases where mutual love
existed between the bonded individuals. He cast a cautious glance at
Obi-Wan, who did not meet it, his eyes hidden behind the overhanging lip of
his hood. He was faintly aware that the Avatar had plumbed the depths of
Obi-Wan's thoughts and emotions when he held the Knight imprisoned in the
stone and that he would be able to research this new possibility there.
Perhaps it was time to reconsider his decision to hold himself aloof from
the Avatar's memories and from those of his own that intersected them.
In rejecting those memories he had been wary of re-invoking the entity and
had hoped to avoid further violation of Kenobi's privacy. But love? Could
Kenobi love him, as well? He realized suddenly that his desire to examine
Kenobi's possible feelings was an instinctive tactic designed to evade his
own. He was definitely ready to offer his respect to the young Knight, and
last night made it clear that the incipient bond might force him to offer
his body, as well. But to reveal his newly-discovered love? His fingers
tensed around his forearms. Not yet. Not now. Perhaps not ever.
The torrent of thoughts had taken only an instant. "Pair-bond," Yoda
confirmed, lifting his chin, ears tilting downward in disapproval of the
dismay in Qui-Gon's voice.
Qui-Gon sighed. There was no need to ask whether Knight Kenobi wished to
make the attempt to deny the pair-bond; his incredible shields were proof
enough of his intentions. And Qui-Gon himself, in spite of his new resolve
to overcome the bitterness that had isolated him, had no real desire to
commit to a life-mate. He built up his own shields carefully, easing them
into place between himself and Obi-Wan and layering them thick, feeling the
intensity of the half-formed bond for the first time through the magnitude
of its absence. He felt hollow. His sense of Kenobi was reduced to
awareness of whereabouts and little more.
Yoda glanced between them for a third time, features impassive, and thumped
his stick on the thick carpet decisively. "Waste time you do not," he
commented dryly. "Good. We will now leave Torehir. Long past time to
attend to Juyoren."
Qui-Gon fell in behind Yoda, shouldering his pack as they left the room.
Both human Jedi were deeply shrouded in hood and cloak when they made their
way to their transport, walking slowly to accommodate Yoda's pace, one on
either side of him. The children preceded them toward the ship in two
disorderly lines. Yoda maintained his leisurely demeanor, refusing to
hurry. Qui-Gon could not help but notice that Obi-Wan had mastered the art
of matching Yoda's pace without looking uncomfortable, just as he had been
forced to do so many years ago.
The ancient Councilor wore his customary shabby tunic and well-worn robe,
hood lying on his small shoulders. As senior Jedi in the party, he
accepted the ritual farewells with grace and dignity. Livarin knelt to
catch his hands in her own, placing polite kisses on either of his wrinkled
cheeks. Torvan did the same for Obi-Wan, who shifted the baby he held to
his left arm and accepted the ritual with placidity similar to Yoda's
despite Qui-Gon's eyes on him.
Qui-Gon lingered unobtrusively behind his comrades and kept an eye on the
children, made uncomfortably aware of his disgraced status when the only
farewell offered him consisted of Livarin catching his eyes and bowing
slightly. He inclined his head politely before Torvan nonetheless, helping
Obi-Wan and Yoda shepherd their chattering escort of children up the ramp
into the ship.
The youngsters were mostly eager and unafraid, a tribute to Obi-Wan's
expert care. He did not envy Yoda the solitary task of their care for the
week it would take him to travel to Coruscant.
He and Yoda began the work of settling the children into the sleeping area
while Obi-Wan helped their pilot prepare the ship for takeoff. The
Councilor distracted the children from their fears when the ship's engines
began to rumble and continued as the g-forces fluctuated slightly while
Obi-Wan took the helm eased them from the planet's gravity well. Qui-Gon
busied himself spreading extra blankets on the small bunks. They would be
needed; already the chill of space had begun to bleed some of the warmth
from the ship's interior.
Soon the temperature would stabilize, but it would still be chilly aboard
ship; energy that might have been used for comfort was routinely conserved
during transit in order to reduce the drain on the hyperdrive generator.
Too often aboard Jedi ships such conservation proved wise when unexpected
attack or other troubles called for every ounce of power a vessel could
muster.
Finishing the last cot, he moved to join the knot of nervous candidates and
extended his own power in a subtle calming influence over them. The jump
to hyperspace would happen soon and the children must be readied. He
lifted the sleeping baby from where it lay next to Yoda on the deck and
cradled it in one arm, tucking its blankets around it more tightly to help
keep it warm. He lowered his shields to join Yoda in guiding the children
through the meditation.
"Concentrate and feel the Force," Yoda's gravely voice broadcast perfect
serenity and soothing as he led the soon-to-be-initiates through a
preliminary focusing exercise. Qui-Gon joined his will to Yoda's, sending
ripples of serenity to smooth any troubled emotions from the small minds
that surrounded them.
"You are a seed filled with the force of life," Qui-Gon murmured, and Yoda
subsided, listening with ears pricked alertly forward as Qui-Gon began
weaving subtle threads of Livan mysticism into the lesson, adapting it
slightly to invoke the children's familiarity. "Feel the peace of the soil
around you. You are one with the soil. Feel the warmth of the sun's rays,
pressing down on you." That warmth was the energy of the Force, generated
by himself and Yoda, lapping the children in comfort.
"Center in the soil," Yoda captured the thread of the meditation. "Put
forth roots. Anchor." His voice dropped to a slow, lulling burr.
Qui-Gon extended a tendril of thought toward Obi-Wan, felt the young man
reaching for the hyperdrive controls as the ship's computer fed the
coordinates into the drive system.
"You swell with life," Qui-Gon murmured. "Reach for light. Your leaves
press upward, toward the sun." The ship jolted slightly as the hyperdrive
engaged and the children felt the pressure of acceleration just as they
envisioned their own burst of growth. Some gasps broke forth, but the
little faces were rapt, focused on their vision.
"Open, you do, to the sunlight." Yoda focused the Unifying Force more
tightly as the Living Force receded slightly, and Qui-Gon followed in
unison, cushioning them from the shock of being abruptly distanced from the
life-force of the only home they knew. "Feel its rays surround you."
Qui-Gon opened his eyes. The crucial phase of the meditation had passed
and Yoda had matters well-in-hand. He surveyed the children, gauging their
individual reactions to the Force. Taritha sighed, her face ecstatic, and
Qui-Gon smiled a bit, watching her. Her midichlorian count had been
particularly high. She reached out to the Torehiri boy next to her and
caught his hand, and his face also transmuted with wonder as he felt what
she did. Qui-Gon covered his smile by stroking his mustache with his hand,
amused and pleased. Perhaps this was a future pair-bond in the making.
The thought sobered him as soon as it registered, making him remember the
early morning conversation he and Obi-Wan had shared with his old Master.
Obi-Wan was leaving the cockpit; he could sense the young man's presence
strongly in spite of the Knight's shields; Qui-Gon's own had been dropped
for the shared meditation exercise, heightening his sensitivity to Obi-Wan
once more. He tested the bond experimentally, unsurprised to find that the
intensity of the energies that sought their union had decreased only
slightly when they departed from Torehir.
Resigned to the necessity of the action, Qui-Gon resealed his shields,
letting his awareness of Obi-Wan fade into the background of his
consciousness. Doing so was difficult, but he accepted the necessity.
Obi-Wan sensed Qui-Gon's replaced shields easing the pressure of the bond
between them and his chest expanded in a deep sigh as the tension inside
his mind relaxed slightly. He let himself into his quarters, sealing the
door behind him. The three Jedi would alternate between caring for the
children, resting, and assisting the pilot in his minimal duties until they
reached Juyoren; afterward Yoda would take up residence in the dormitory
and keep watch over the children himself until they arrived on Coruscant.
He drifted toward the small porthole in the outer bulkhead, mesmerized by
the distorted motion of hyperspace outside the transport. When pressed,
Yoda had reluctantly suggested several soothing meditations that he might
use to help slow the bonding process; this was one. He centered his
consciousness in the onrushing void, surrounding himself with a spiritual
vacuum, shielding Qui-Gon out of his mind and heart entirely.
No emotion or psychic resonance could penetrate the vacuum, and his shields
served as eyelids, blocking out the psychic vision of Qui-Gon's presence.
For the moment he was isolated, discrete in himself, a self-contained
existence buffered by the sterile emptiness of space. However, as Yoda had
pointed out, he was limited by this isolation. Like a transport in the
wilds of hyperspace, he contained merely a finite amount of resources. He
was dependent for his very existence upon the things he attempted so
valiantly to shut outside himself-- no Jedi could long exist independent of
contact with his fellow beings and the Force they generated.
Obi-Wan breathed shallowly, his physical body unconsciously responding to
the metaphor he had created inside his mind, conserving the resources of
the fragile vessel that contained his soul. He wondered if Qui-Gon found
the bond's existence as onerous as he did. Probably even more so; the Jedi
Master had lost no time in erecting his own shields after Yoda had stated
the possibility that the bond might be denied and severed. Probably his
apology, kind though it had been, was born of guilt and nothing more.
Intended to assuage Qui-Gon's conscience rather than soothe Obi-Wan's
wounds, it meant relatively little.
As for the desire they had experienced, it seemed similarly meaningless.
There was little possibility of love between them, only the inclination of
the unwanted bond strengthening the solely physical lust that had
manifested between them before.
He would have to come to terms with this bond, discover how to cope with
its existence until it could be removed. His own actions had resulted in
the current state of affairs between himself and Qui-Gon and his guilt and
regret were inescapable. As was the responsibility that Yoda had laid upon
his shoulders.
If only they could return to Coruscant and see to the soul-healing now,
before the pressure to consummate the bond increased beyond their ability
to resist, or if they had leisure to attempt to build a friendship without
the demands of a mission upon them! If he was not the one who could reach
Qui-Gon as Yoda had hoped... if this bond between them was the mistake that
it seemed...
He would hate to be tied to Qui-Gon in misery for the rest of his life, but
the Juyoren mission was critical. Deprived of his lightsaber, a Jedi lost
an essential tool necessary for the effective completion of both offensive
and defensive maneuvers. His own lightsaber contained a pair of fine
Juyoren sapphires, and he had only a single set of spares in his belt
pouch. He was a Jedi, and was bound to set personal concerns aside in
favor of the welfare of others. He accepted the necessity of moving to get
to the bottom of the situation as rapidly as possible, and he and Qui-Gon
were close at hand. Logic dictated that they move immediately to serve the
needs of the Order.
The door whisked open behind him and he turned to face Yoda's inquisitive
gaze. "Plans must be made for the Juyoren operation."
"I'm coming, Master." Obi-Wan nodded politely and followed Yoda into the
dormitory, grateful that his Master had spared him time for a few minutes'
contemplation. The upcoming discussion was bound to be
Archive: M_A, SWAL, QJEB (others ask)
Archive Date: January 24, 2000
Category: AU, drama, angst
Disclaimer: George, I admit that you own the boys, but if you were REALLY
in control of them, they wouldn't spend so much time whispering in my ear
and goading me on to write this stuff. I only do what they tell me to;
making a profit isn't one of their commands.
Feedback: yes, please, comments are welcome and will be devoured happily.
Notes: George Lucas has stated that the Force is polarized in four ways:
Light and Dark side energies, and Living and Unifying energies. In this
series I distinguish between Living and Unifying Force as two types of
energy that are used in different ways and for different purposes.
**"Air" will make much more sense if you read it after reading Parts I and
II of the Elements Series: "Water" and
**
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC-17
Series: The Elements Series
Spoilers: Jedi Apprentice 1 and 2
Summary: The Jedi Order's main source of lightsaber crystals is drying up.
Knight Kenobi and Master Jinn must complete their tasks on Torehir and
then investigate the new problem together in spite of unresolved
differences between them. Third in the Elements Series.
Warnings: Introspection and transitional material ahoy. CLIFFHANGER
ALERT.