Warnings: I am definitely not a poet! Half silly for Patt and half gooey-sweet for Linda, hope this trend no one offends, for there's caramelly endearments ahead!

Notes: Jim and Blair do not speak like this ever, even in the weirdest AU

Oh, do we have an affair
Bare or in an armchair.
He's my longhair Blair bear.
Upstairs I tear off Blair's menswear.
By now his underwear's threadbare.
He says that's unfair and quotes Voltaire,
As I dangle him in midair.
I press my lips to his russet hair.
He glides exquisite hands over my hardware.

I kiss his eyelids so sweet and faire.
My Blair's beauty I swear never to share.
Oh, I am enamored by the heart of him
As he whispers sweetly, "Jim!"
I reply, "You're my precious cuddlebear--
My own darling Blair--"

"Jim, thank God you dared to declare
Oh--My Ranger, My Hero, My Corsair!"
"Blair, my very own heart and soul
You've made my lonely life whole
Given me back my senses' control
My life is now replete,
My Blair-petite."

Blair caressed Jim's face with his hand.
"Jim, I once felt like a deadman,
Now I'm Tarzan swingin' with my own he-man.
You're my lawman and my strongman, How I love you, Jim."
"Blair, this is not a whim."

"Blair, you're my exotic bouquet,
The main entree in Ellison's buffet.
You're the Chief chef in my cafe,
The cherry on my sundae,
The herbs in my saute."
"Chief, we travel together on one Pathway.
You're my Gateway."

"Jim, even tho' I was cautioned
I'll love you forever and a day.
Even if our loved ones tend to shun
You'll always be my husband.
My Life.
My Mate.
My Fate and My Helpmate."
"Blair, I love how you prate
E'en when you must later translate.
But now you must rotate,
To sate my prostate!"
Blair snorted, "Jim, you're a primate for a bedmate. You're so cocksure--"

Jim winked and said, "I adore you, more and more, My Blair amour.
But get the lube out of the drawer."
Jim began to implore.

The bindings of hearts, bodies and souls
Two halves bound into one whole.
Jim sighed, "My love, my dove."
Blair cried.
Oh, I am enamored by the heart of him
As his passion fulfilled,
He whispered sweetly, "Oh...Jim."