Rated: probably PG - R
Warnings: Blair angst galore, AU-land, this sure isn't Kansas (or Washington) anymore.

A large hand felled him onto his back. Ellison loomed over him, still that damn thumb outline his lips."Suck it, traitor. Just imagine it's a lollipop, or my cock! Make me cum...make my thumb cum!"

Blair's head wagged from side to side, "No, no, no, no, no, no..."

A knee landed in his chest, knocking all the reserved air from his lungs. He could not even voice his refusals now. Harsh sobs racked his body as it trembled on the carpet. Blair's vision turned a purply blue, his fingers became numb as he grasped at the carpet. Brands of fire poked inside his belly, and sharp needles pricked at his heart.

Something like a knotted fist felt trapped in his chest, trying to work its way upward. He had to expel it or be asphyxiated.

"I...ca...can...can't br...eathe." And vomitus rushed into dripping nose and mouth, choking him, cutting off his oxygen. His stomach heaved. His fingers began jerking uncontrollably. "I ne--"

Ellison forced his lips open and puke gushed out onto the floor, splattering his arms and chest with his coffee and bagel and phlegm and pink saliva. The bluish haze returned as he gagged on the puke he was not able to eject but re-swallowed.

A cloth was swiped across his nose. From the corner of his eyes, Blair saw bloody streams of snot. Jim, where are you? I'm gonna die here now. Dying here without you. I don't think I'm able...don't know if I can...no strength...iss gone...lemme die now...mebbe ged home then...insane 'sylum...Conover? Jim...hep me outta th...thisss place...plea...please? I'll uh...I'll be good, so gu..ood...I will, too, I puh...prom...iss, I be so good...

His heart went boom...dada...boom...dada thud. It throbbed painfully loud. What's that music?

He heard the chimes ringing from the Methodist church tower on the street behind Hargrove Hall. Wasn't that what he heard? What was that tune?

Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me? No, Amazing Grace, or Blest Be the Tie? Once in North Carolina he'd stopped in a rural country church, a bit of curiosity he could savor for anthropological research.

Blair had been amazed at the fervor of a few souls gathered in the primitive grayed clapboard building to worship. The horny-handed retired farmers dressed in their Sunday overalls and their worn, weary wives with reddened hands holding on to tattered hymnals. Bawling babies on young mothers' laps and gum-chewing teens wearing a world-weary expression he could readily see was desire to be elsewhere rather than in a gathering with the old-fogeys. Didn't I write a paper on that backwoods town for my social anthro class in '91?

The bells silenced and the room was eerily quiet. Blair forced his eyes open, then quickly squinched them tightly shut. Blue, so much blue.

He opened his eyes again, blinked and blinked, but there was...blue. Blue cascading down the walls from the ceiling. Had someone brought in buckets of blue paint and poured them from the ceiling down? He couldn't turn his head yet, to see if blue puddled on the floor. A paint carpet.

I'm cold. I feel bad. Bad, Jim, "Where are you? Jim, JIM!" Blair shouted to the room.

His stomach heaved, but it was so empty that nothing would come up but the stench of rancid breath.

Am I crying? Am I--there were wet droplets on his cheeks, because he could feel them dripping down in a little trickling rivulet. He raised a finger to his face. I can smell salt, and my ears are wet. Jim? I need you to come and get me--where am...I--need you.

God, his lips hurt. He gingerly touched the cuts from the slaps, wafted his hand over his bruised cheekbones. There's water on my forehead. My hair's wet. Have I been in the shower? Jim, are you upstairs?

Why don't you come down here? We haven't slept apart in the last 2 years, if only for a few hours when you were on stakeout. I remember getting up at ungodly hours, helping you undress, sometimes giving you a nice massage so you could fall asleep quickly. You said my backrubs are a gift from Go....

Jim, why don't you come down here now and get me up out of this bed? What're you doin' up there, anyway? JIM! Get your ass down here! I can't sleep in this old room anymore. I won't sleep here anymore.

JIM, you hear me? Where in the hell are you?