Note: Patt and Susan exist in real life.

Oh, Patt is so sweet
Her hero (natch) is Jim
Muscles galore and very trim
Blair could never compare
Not even with that glorious hair.
So ladies beware
All Blairbabes take care
When speaking to Patt of Jim
He--the man, Ellison, him,
She will send him to your door
He will inspect your decor
He's very good at his job
'Specially if you're a slob
And he will find out who you love more
Him or the Renowed Guppy of Lore.

Patt crows and laughs and yells
Susan, end this swill
Or I will send my Sentin-ill
And stop it Jim--will.
Patt, I promise to behave,
Don't throw me in a cave.
That's no great fun
We'll all be sweet to Ellison.
Oh, Patt is so sweet
I wanted to give her a treat.
I can't gift her with the man
Aw, Jim in a thong with a tan!
He'll rub you up and rub you down
Turn that frown upside down and all around.

But just as Patt's getting her treat
Blair comes along, looking so sweet, in his bare feet.
Jim smiles and he sighs
Patt bawls and cries.
Susan says, "Patt, suck it up."
You could never compete with the Gup.

Ah, Mary Suse and Mary Patt
Now, they know where Ellison's at.
In the loft, up above,
Kissin' and huggin' and makin' love,
Not to us, never to us,
I want to cuss and make a fuss.
Slash sisters walkin' hand in hand,
O'er Ellison-ville and Sanburg-land.
We know the way to go and travel
Don't care if the fic police throw the gavil.

I'm a hick and she's a comic
We may both be brainsick
Ah, but we love those two men
As we soak our sorrows in slash gin
Susan heehaws, Aw, what a fizzbin!
Patt guffaws, then, lord, that woman turns and begins to grin--