-- Dear Journal 8 --
Drilling For Oil

by Patt Paulos-Darrow

April 10, 2000

Dear J:

All right, it has been a week, and here is what I have to say about this whole going slow thing. I am going to fuck his ass till he screams. How does that sound? I kid you not, every night we sit on the sofa and make out like we are teens or something. I don't know about him, but I haven't got time for this crap. I want him, I need him and I am going to have him. Simple as that. Okay, tonight is the night. When he comes home I am giving him no options. That has been the problem from the start. I let him think he was in charge. Fuck that shit. I am his guide, and I am going to fucking guide him. All right, now that I have that straight I can get down to business.

I am crazy about this man, he makes my heart beat fast just by looking at him. For Goddess sake, I am way to old to be acting this way. See what he does to me? When he is not looking, I stare at him and I see that he is having a hard time with this too. He doesn't know where to go, so by Goddess, this is my job, and I will do it well. He is just afraid that we will screw up things and he will lose out on his best friend. Fat chance. I adore this man. I dream of this man. I live for this man. Okay, I see another pattern coming up here. So basically I would do anything for him and he for me. So, I don't think I will have a problem with him when I tell him to drop his pants and bend over. Okay, J, I won't say it quite like that. Give me more credit than that. How about " Jim you either let me fuck you, or I am gonna kill you?" Yeah, that would sound really nice. Okay, time to slow down just a little bit. Key words here, being a little bit. Not much. This is going to happen tonight. I picked out the perfect music, made a wonderful meal and dessert, ( he loves food) and then I chose the perfect clothes to wear. Something to make him wild. He won't be able to resist. Oh yeah, I can see it now. This is going to be fun.

Enough about my lack of a love life. :) I went to Major Crimes today, I got out of the PA early and decided to drop in for a visit. So glad I went. Everyone was glad to see me as I was them. I miss them all. Almost time for my graduation and getting just a tad nervous about becoming one of them. I think they all know this too. Pretty soon, I will be there as Jim's partner full time and he can't tell me to stay behind him, in the truck or where ever. :) Like that ever stopped me before. But at least now I am trained. Rafe and Brown asked me to go to lunch, so we all took off. I have missed days like this. They are fun and they make me laugh. I asked them how Jim was doing and they both started laughing. All right, I said, what is up? And they went on to explain that no one, I repeat no one has the nerve to ask Jim what is wrong lately. He has been in a foul mood for about 10 days. ( Fancy that, ten days you say? Isn't that how long I have been trying to talk him into bed? ) I told them to be patient and maybe they would have a whole new Ellison tomorrow. They looked at each other and just broke up laughing. I said, what? And they smiled and said, " He doesn't even know what will be hitting him." Oh yeah, they know. And they don't care. I love that about our friends. Wait till I tell Jim. :) After I got back, I talked to Joel for awhile and he told me to more or less keep Jim home until I get him trained better. And he wasn't joking. (None of this will be mentioned, ever, to Jim) As I left M.C. I felt like a million bucks. Great friends, great job, great guy, what more could I ask for. Okay, other than fucking his brains out.

I guess I will start another poem. I am getting sappier and sappier. Thank goodness no one at M.C. will ever see these. (Although this would be major blackmailing material) I am not a poet and know this, but it is part of my therapy. :) I think lack of sex is making me get worse at writing them. Oh well.

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