(silence)
Mulder.
(brief pause, then) Yep, that's me.
Are you going to explain this to me?
Actually, I'd rather not.
That's what I was afraid of. May I come in?
You're already in.
Of course. May I come further inside and perhaps sit down before my knees
give way and spill me onto your not entirely clean carpet?
Sure, Scully. Come in, sit down. Have a cookie.
A cookie, Mulder?
Figure of speech. Sunflower seeds?
No thank you, Mulder.
Well, just thought I'd ask.
And where do you expect me to sit?
Ah, it's a bit of a mess I'm afraid. Never got around to cleaning up
Here, I'll just pull up a chair for you and throw this junk on the floor.
What is that?
Oh, just some handcuffs, things.
Things.
Yeah. Listen, uhm... Was there anything in particular that you wanted to
talk to me about? Not that I'm not always glad to see you and chat, but it's
rather early in the morning for you to be up and about. I thought you didn't
stay up after two a.m. in the usual run of things. I wouldn't want you to miss
out on your beauty sleep.
I don't like to stay up this late, Mulder. It's not healthy. It is
important to maintain regular sleep cycles. However, you had three severely
charred bodies delivered to me yesterday evening and insisted that I autopsy
them before I leave for Hawaii for my well-deserved and long overdue vacation,
which I will do at eleven in the morning. Today.
Ah. Did you find out what they died of?
Yes, Mulder. In fact, I have the report with me. Here it is.
Thank you.
But that is not why I came by.
No?
No. I came by because I received an urgent call when I had just finished the
autopsy on the third of your so-called victims of spontaneous combustion. Let
me take the opportunity to note that I can not consider a combustion
accompanied by such vast amounts of chemicals suffusing every inch of muscular
tissue very spontaneous. I admit that it is unusual for someone to ingest large
amounts of combustive chemicals immediately prior to lighting themselves a
cigarette
I admit that I am not certain as to what kind of chemicals were used—but
that is no reason to conjecture that any paranormal or psychic forces were
involved.
You always say that kind of thing. Why do you always say that kind of thing,
Scully? You always find the most complex and unlikely explanations for
phenomena which could be explained by much simpler theories, theories you
refuse to so much as consider on the sole grounds that they don't fit your
preconceived notions of scientific—
But that is not why I came by. As I was saying, Mulder, I received an
urgent call from A.D. Skinner, who had, in his turn, received an urgent call
from an Agent who had been contacted by...
Scully, I'm rather cold. Could you keep this short, please?
You should turn up the heat in your apartment if you plan on standing around
with no clothes on, Mulder.
I do have clothes on.
In a way, I suppose you might say that. What is that?
Scully...
The gist of the matter is that A.D. Skinner warned me that Krycek has been
seen in town.
Oh?
Yes.
Well, thank you for telling me.
You're welcome.
You might have phoned me.
I did, in fact, attempt to do so.
Oh?
Yes, I did, and so did A.D. Skinner. However, you did not answer your phone
either time, Mulder.
Oh. Well, I guess maybe the batteries...
Which is why I then decided to come by your apartment in person. When you
failed to answer the door, I was afraid that I was too late and Krycek might
already have broken in.
So you decided to come in and have a look around.
Precisely. I believe you will be able to imagine my dismay at finding that
Krycek had indeed arrived here before me.
I really should have the lock exchanged one of these days.
Perhaps you should. Allow me to remark that I am relieved you appear to have
the situation so well in hand.
You are?
I was afraid I would find you dead, Mulder. I was afraid that Krycek would
come here to kill you.
Yes. Well. He won't do that. He can't, can he? I've...apprehended him and
put him under restraints.
I can see that, Mulder.
Well then! That's settled. You're sure you wouldn't like any sunflower
seeds? No? Well, then I guess I'll see you when you get back from Honolulu...
What I would be interested in knowing is why Krycek is not wearing any
clothing.
He's Russian.
And?
And Russians are strange people.
Really.
Yes.
It's the middle of winter, Mulder.
Compared to a winter in Siberia, I'm sure the temperatures here seem
downright tropical.
I see. So what you are saying is that Krycek, who, being a Russian,
naturally regards anything above the freezing point of helium as balmy weather,
broke into your apartment not wearing any clothing...and you then overpowered
him, handcuffed him, and threw him down on your sofa in order to interrogate
him.
Something like that.
And incidentally, you also happened not to be wearing any clothing at the
time.
I am wearing clothing.
So you say, Mulder.
Hey, do you know how much this thing cost?
Pray do not enlighten me. I make it a point never to ask men after the price
of their lingerie.
It is not lingerie!
Pardon me if I do not know the correct term for your skimpy black
laqueur...garment.
Look, Scully, was there anything else?
Yes, Mulder, there was. If you are trying to interrogate him, then why is he
gagged? Are all Russians ventriloquists?
Of course not! I was going to make a cup of coffee and didn't want to be
forced to listen to his whining all that time.
Whining.
Yeah, you know, begging for mercy, promising to tell me everything he knows
if I don't kill him, complaining that it's too hot in here...
Ah. If you have him so intimidated, Mulder, then perhaps you would care to
tell me why he is laughing so hard?
He isn't laughing, Scully. He's in transports of terror. It's the gag, you
can't tell the difference.
Indeed.
Now, there was nothing else, was there?
I think I have seen more than enough.
Yeah, so do I.
I certainly hope you know what you are doing, Mulder.
Of course I do. He keeps coming back, doesn't he?
(pause, then)
I'm going to pretend I did not hear that. In fact, I am going to pretend I
did not come here at all.
Good. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to get the false impression.
Nighttime Visitors
by Sylvia
Mulder!!!
