Scully and Mulder walked into the bar. "You know, Scully," said Mulder, a half-smile on his face, "this sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke."
[All your jokes are bad, Mulder,] Scully thought but didn't say as she surveyed the room. They made their way to a table near the suspect they had tailed into the bar. Somewhere in the background they could hear a bad rendition of Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca." They couldn't tell if it was supposed to be in Spanish or Russian, but they could tell that the singer was very drunk.
"Hey Scully, look at that woman over there," Mulder said.
"What about her?"
"She has the biggest--"
"MULDER!" Scully said with little patience.
"Can I take your order, hon'?" asked a bottle-blond waitress with a really fake Southern accent.
"Uh... yeah. I'll have a club soda," said Mulder.
"And I'll take a margarita..."
Mulder gave Scully a surprised look.
"... A virgin one. I may be on duty, but I can try to trick my body into thinking it's getting drunk, can't I?" Scully gave Mulder a look that dared him to say anything. The bottle-blond came back with their orders. "So what do we do now? Sit here and pretend to get sloshed?" asked Scully.
Just then there was a commotion up on stage. Scully and Mulder turned to see what was going on. It looked like the patron on stage had had one too many drinks and was now taking control of the karaoke mike, much to the irritation of the other customers. They slowly came to the realization of exactly who the drunken Ricky Martin wannabe was.
"Mulder, that's--" began Scully, but she was drowned out by the slurred monologue from the stage. Apparently Krycek noticed them at the same time they noticed him.
He pointed drunkenly at Mulder. "Thereza certen speshul guy in'de audyence tonite... Dese last cubble'a years've been... hard on all of us but... you've always beendereforme an' I jus' gotta tellya, man..."
He continued to ramble. Scully glanced over at Mulder and noticed he was turning a particularly interesting shade of red, and... getting shorter.
"Mulder, you're getting shorter," said Scully.
"Scully, we gotta get out of here," answered Mulder as he slowly slipped under the table.
"We'll lose the suspect!" hissed Scully. "Sit! Stay!"
And with that, they turned their attention back to the stage.
"...like the time Roger-I mean the smokin' guy...butanyway, you don'wanna here 'bout dat. Anyway, like I was sain'...THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, FOX!" Then he started singing "Larger than Life" by the Backstreet Boys. Badly. Complete with dance moves.
"I can run and hide
All you people can't you see, can't you see
Scully looked over at Mulder, thinking how she could use this to get him back for all the times he had dragged her off to some godforsaken place to look for "the Truth".
As the song went on, Scully's smile got bigger and Mulder got shorter.
"...Wishin' I could thank you in a different way, c'mon...
All you people can't you see, can't you see
Everyone in the bar was looking around to see who the object of his affection was.
"Scully, you have to help me get out of here."
"I don't know...." Scully said with a not-so-subtle grin, "If we lose the suspect, do you want to explain to Skinner why we stopped tailing the guy and ruined a three-month-long investigation?"
"Then stop talking about leaving. Besides, he's not half bad."
"Scully, you're enjoying this!"
"Yes. Yes I am."
Just then Krycek stopped singing. "OH, DON'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU, DANA!" he yelled, motioning to the karaoke DJ. The DJ rolled his eyes and changed disks, used to how demanding this particular performer could be.
Mulder started to grin as the first bars of "...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears blared through the speakers.
The first part of the song was unintelligable. Apparently Krycek was a bigger fan of the Backstreet Boys than of Britney Spears.
When he got to the chorus there was no question in anyone's mind as to the subject of the song, because he was making unblinking eye contact with her the entire time.
"...My loneliness is killing me (and I)
"Wow, he's really hitting those high notes," an amazed Mulder said.
Scully was not amused. "Mulder, we have to get out of here."
"I don't know Scully," replied Mulder slowly, savoring the moment. "You don't want to lose the suspect, do you?"
"We could say... he... eluded us," said Scully hopefully, turning to Mulder with a pleading look in her eyes.
"I don't know, Scully," said Mulder again, "I'm kind of enjoying this."
Scully gave Mulder a Look.
Mulder sighed and went for his cellphone. He dialed it and put it to his ear.
"What are you doing?" asked Scully.
"Calling for back-up." He talked softly into the phone.
Krycek had resumed to mumbling the rest of the song and dancing his heart out.
"You know, he could give Britney Spears a run for her money," noted Mulder.
He put the phone down, serious for a moment. "Here's the plan. When they show up, we sneak out the back way."
Scully looked over at the stage, where Krycek was now propositioning a couple of short, brown-haired women in the front row. One of them was rummaging through her purse, probably for some mace. When he felt Scully's eyes on him again, he looked up at her and winked.
"Mulder," said Scully apprehensively, "how about we don't wait for them to show up."