I used to be idealistic about our government. I thought they were trustworthy. I thought they wanted to help others. *I* wanted to help others, to bring criminals to justice and put them away for life.
I learned differently.
They wanted to harm the American population by letting the secrecy, the hypocrisy, live on though the whiff of a cigarette. They wanted to bring an illness -- one for which there is no cure -- to an unwitting, trusting society by way of an alien virus.
They're thoughtless crooks.
When my fiancée died from the alien virus, I knew what I had to do. I wanted to bring them down.
By controlling them at their old game.
I decided to join them in order to bring justice to that small group of powerful men. The ones who told me that they made up the game by creating rules.
And then making false promises. They told me that they would take care of me and help me pay for Anna's funeral arrangements.
I took them at their word, hoping they would come through for me. I was foolish by giving them my innocence because I wanted to believe so badly. Later, I learned they weren't to be trusted when I learned of their part in my Anna's death. I didn't trust them one bit; I was full of anger at losing the one woman who completed me.
It's amazing how much I lost when I became Fox Mulder's partner. He was everything that I yearned to be. He was trusting of everyone, and I sensed that his former partner -- Dana Scully -- was the one he sought out to find answers.
It was obvious when I saw them together in the autopsy bay that they were making love with their eyes. Anna and I -- we used to do that whenever we saw each other. I felt like the third wheel.
I was jealous of them having each other, while I had nothing but an assignment that I didn't want. I didn't want to harm Fox Mulder's work because I envied him.
I wanted to bring them down -- those people who hired me.
Now I have to turn in the couple whom I recently got to know.
I remember what I used to be, what I long to be, but now I can't look at myself in the mirror. I hate what I've become. I hate being the puppet; I hate being a hired gun.
I guess that's what I am: a hired man.
I decided to write a different point-of-view using Krycek. It was interesting to try to get into his head. He's a great character to write for. It's too bad that Chris Carter under utilized him.
I found writing this story to be very refreshing to explore Krycek's world after writing Mulder/Scully romances for so long. Hopefully, I will write another Krycek story in the future.
This story is dedicated to my beta reader, Jen, who is a Krycek fan. :)